Kurt had spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about Blaine's desire to be touched. It felt like something he could do. He certainly wanted to. Blaine's arms were amazing, and getting to touch his skin and feel the hardness of the muscles beneath, watching Blaine respond to his touch, would be incredible. His chest, his stomach, his back ... Kurt wanted to explore them. He'd touched Blaine before, of course, in those places and more. But it had been months ago, and back then he hadn't had the time or the ability to focus and appreciate Blaine's body. After so much time, in such different circumstances, it would all seem entirely new.

But yesterday had been so intense even without any touching at all, and once again it had gone farther than Kurt had anticipated. Once their shirts were off, Kurt wasn't at all sure he would be able to control his desire for Blaine. And that was something he wasn't ready for at all. Being able to restrain himself was crucial.

Blaine wanted to be touched. He wanted to touch Blaine. But he was afraid of the situation escalating. After much thought, he'd come up with what he hoped was a good solution. He would offer Blaine a backrub. A controlled situation with a purpose. Something that wasn't inherently intimate the way that making out was. And it could also serve as a reward for Blaine being so incredibly patient and in control of himself yesterday.

It was still kind of scary, but not in an out-of-control way. Just in a new-thing kind of way. Kurt was pretty sure he could handle it.

Kurt greeted Blaine at the door with a big smile and a hug, and then led him upstairs.

He began with praise, which always made Blaine happy. "You were so good for me yesterday."

"No, I wasn't, I—"

"Well, you started off trying to push me, but we talked about that and afterward you were so good, for the whole rest of the day. I was so proud of you."

"No, but I—"

"And I was thinking about what you wanted. That you wanted me to touch you. That it looks like you want to change the ground rules so that's allowed. I think that's something we could do, if you still want to."

"I don't deserve it."

Kurt didn't understand why Blaine was being so resistant. "Yes you do. You're amazing. Yesterday was ... just wow, I don't even have words for how great that was. It made me feel so ... dominant and capable. And it was kind of a lot, but ... it went well. At least, from my perspective. Don't you think so?"

"No, Kurt ... I mean, yes. Yesterday was fantastic. But I need you to listen to me for a minute, please. There's something I need to tell you."

Kurt took a good look at Blaine for the first time. He'd been so wrapped in his backrub plan that he'd forgotten to pay attention to the cues he was getting from Blaine. Had he looked this troubled from the time he'd walked into the house? Had his body language been this closed off while Kurt was chattering away? Kurt berated himself for missing the fact that something was wrong. What kind of a miserable dom was he, if he couldn't even remember to pay attention to what his sub was feeling? No, he reminded himself. Blaine was not his sub. But still, he should treat his sub friends better than this. There was always a power dynamic to a friendship between a dom and a sub, and when he was with Blaine, with all their complications, he had even more of an obligation to be careful and observant.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said. "I should have noticed that something was wrong. What's bothering you?"

Blaine looked down at his feet. "I've been lying to you."

Kurt stood perfectly still, trying to hide his panic. Blaine had been lying to him. He should have known that all of Blaine's praise was a lie. It was too good to be true. He should never have believed it in the first place. He must be a completely incompetent dom. Maybe he was a bad kisser, too. Blaine probably wanted to stop their whole experiment and go back to being nothing more than friends. Or maybe he didn't even want to see Kurt any more. His heart sank at the thought of losing this closeness they had together. It had become so important to him. But Blaine certainly deserved much better than Kurt could ever offer. He'd been crazy to think he could even do this in the first place. He never should have tried.

"My parents are in Hong Kong," Blaine said. "They've been there for three weeks. Before that they were in Geneva, and in December they were in London. Except for during Christmas, I haven't seen them the entire time you and I have been hanging out together."

Kurt blinked a few times, waiting for more, until he finally managed to process that nothing more was coming. He almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation—his own relief that the lie had nothing to do with his abilities as a dom, combined with Blaine's severe distress at what Kurt could only see as the smallest of white lies. But he couldn't let himself laugh, not with Blaine looking like a puppy overcome with remorse after chewing up its master's favorite pair of shoes.

"Is that all?" Kurt asked, doing his best not to sound flippant.

"All?" Blaine echoed. "I lied to you for two full months. That isn't bad enough?"

"Blaine ..." Kurt struggled to put his feelings into words. "It's not a big deal. I don't care where your parents are. It has nothing to do with me. I mean, if I'd known you were going home to an empty house, I would have invited you to stay here, if it was okay with my dad. Or at least invited you to dinner every night. But aside from that, why does it matter where your parents are? Why would you even lie about something like that, anyway?"

"Because I didn't want you to know I was coming all the way to Lima just to see you," Blaine said, still looking down at the floor. "I thought it would seem ... I don't know, weird or creepy at first. Or that maybe you'd tell me not to bother coming if you thought I was coming just for you. And maybe by now it wouldn't matter, we're good enough friends that it's okay for me to come all the way out just to see you. But by that time I'd been lying about it for so long it had become this big thing, and I didn't know how to tell you, so I let it keep on going and ... I don't know. I'm sorry. I should never have lied to you. I haven't been good or obedient or honest and I don't deserve any reward."

Kurt stepped forward and put his hands on Blaine's shoulders. "Blaine ... look at me." Blaine lifted his head and met Kurt's eyes. He looked so disappointed in himself, it nearly broke Kurt's heart.

Kurt spoke as gently as he possibly could. "Blaine, sweetheart, I'm not your dom. We're just friends, and we do things together, but ... this is what we agreed. I'm not in charge of your life, and you have no obligations to me outside of when we're playing together. You have no duty to be honest with me about everything. I mean, generally it's not a good idea to lie to your friends, but a little thing like this ... there is no reason for you to feel bad about it. It didn't hurt me or break any promise or anything. It's fine."

Blaine was quiet for a moment, thinking about this. "I guess you're right," he finally said, but he didn't sound convinced.

"You don't sound like you really agree," Kurt said.

"No, I do," Blaine said. He chewed on his bottom lip for a second. "You're right, and when I think about it, I agree with you. But I still feel awful about it."

"Is there something I can do to help you feel better?" Kurt asked.

Blaine looked down at his feet again. "Iwishyouwouldpunishme," he mumbled.

Kurt closed his eyes. He was pretty sure he had heard that correctly. His mind was thrown into turmoil. He could practically feel pieces of his brain moving around and rearranging themselves, trying to figure out how to deal with this situation properly.

"You need to speak clearly, Blaine," he commanded. "When there is something you need or want from me, I want you to ask. I might not always be able to give it to you, but I at least want to know what it is, and I don't want you to be afraid to ask."

Blaine looked up and met his eyes again. "I want you to punish me. It would make me feel better."

"You realize that I am not your dom, and that you did not break any obligation to me."

"I know," Blaine said. "But I lied for no good reason, and I should have told you the truth. And I feel bad about it, and I want to ... make it up to you, and ... find a way to forgive myself and learn from this and move on with a clean slate."

"And you think that if we play a punishment, that would help you?"

Blaine nodded. "Yes, I think so."

Kurt took a deep breath. The pieces of his brain were beginning to fit themselves back together, and an idea slowly appeared, just a small shift from what he'd planned for today in the first place. It didn't feel too scary. He thought he could do this. He was pretty sure it would be okay. It wasn't exactly a punishment in the traditional sense, but somehow, without quite having the words to explain why, it seemed to Kurt like it would provide what Blaine needed. He looked at Blaine, waiting patiently in front of him, his eyes wide and shining and beautiful.

"We were discussing changing the rules," Kurt said. "We would have to go ahead with that to do this. Is that still something you want?"

"Yes," Blaine breathed.

"Could you tell me what you would like to change?"

"I want us to be able to take our shirts off and touch each other's skin above the waist," Blaine said. "If you want to, I mean. If you tell me to, or if you want to take your shirt off. One of us, or both of us, or ... it doesn't have to be that much, it could be—"

"That's all right with me," Kurt said, cutting him off as he started to babble. "So, the new rule would be that one or both of us could take our shirts off completely, at my discretion. Is that okay with you? Is that the rule you want?"

Blaine swallowed hard and nodded.

"Okay. That is the new rule. All the other rules still apply."

"Okay," Blaine whispered.

"We're going to start now," Kurt said.

"Yes, Sir," Blaine said, slipping quickly into his submissive play mode. Kurt's heart pounded with excitement and nervousness.

"Strip to the waist, then lie face-down on the bed and wait for me," Kurt ordered. He walked out of the room and shut the door.

-------------------------

Blaine knew how this script went. He'd asked for punishment, and his dom had ordered him to strip and lie on the bed. He was going to be hit. He hadn't anticipated this. He'd known it was a possibility, but it didn't seem like the kind of thing Kurt would want to do. He'd expected something like yesterday, kneeling and being teased, but with touching instead of watching.

He finished folding his undershirt and set it on the pile on Kurt's desk with his sweater and button-down. He lay down on the bed and arranged a pillow so that he could lie face-down with his forehead and eyes resting on it, leaving him unable to see but not blocking his breath. He shivered from the chilly air, waiting for his body to adjust to the temperature.

Lying there alone, waiting without being able to see a clock, Blaine began to have doubts. Was this really what he wanted? He could safeword before they started. He didn't have to go through with this. What would Kurt hit him with? You don't usually use your hand to hit someone's back. Did Kurt own a whip, or a flogger? Why had he left the room? Was he sneaking one out of his parents' room? Or had he gone to retrieve something else? Or would he come back and use a belt from his own closet? How thick would it be? How much would it hurt? How many strokes would it be? Blaine's mind reeled. Maybe he should stop this thing right now. He didn't even need to wait and then safeword. He could get up and get dressed right now, and explain to Kurt when he came back in.

No, he wouldn't. It would hurt, but he trusted Kurt. He would know what Blaine needed. He would know when to stop. He would bring Blaine out the other side and hold him and cuddle him after, and they would be all the closer for having gone through this together. Blaine trusted Kurt completely. If this was what Kurt thought he needed, it must be right. If it got to be too much, which he was sure it wouldn't, he could always safeword later. He could be brave. He could be good. For Kurt. He could be good for Kurt.

The door opened, then closed again with a soft click. Blaine fought down the urge to turn his head and look at Kurt.

"Good," Kurt said. "Don't move or speak unless I tell you to or you need to safeword. Nod to let me know you understand."

Blaine nodded.

The bed dipped with Kurt's weight, and then Blaine felt Kurt's knees brushing lightly against his side. He tensed for a blow, and waited. Waited. Waited. What was taking so long? No, he reminded himself. Don't think. Just wait. Just let it happen.

He jumped at contact against his skin. But as soon as the reflex settled, he realized what it was. The light touch of Kurt's lips against his spine, up high between his shoulder blades. And then both of Kurt's hands on his shoulders, soft and light, petting his skin softly. Another kiss. Another. Another.

Blaine began to cry.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Kurt asked softly.

Blaine nodded again. Kurt, his sweet, perfect, unbelievably incredible dom who he would trust with his life. What could he possibly say right now? This tenderness when he'd expected to be treated harshly, it brought out emotions that were almost too much to even comprehend, let alone put into words. Blaine didn't quite understand what was happening here, but he understood beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was willing to give Kurt absolutely anything he asked for.

"You don't need to be afraid," Kurt said, and Blaine cried harder. "You don't need an excuse to come visit me. You never need to be scared to tell me how you feel. How much I mean to you."

You mean everything to me.

-------------------------

The crying was good, wasn't it? Kurt thought so. Punishment was supposed to create an emotional reaction, and Blaine said he was okay, so Kurt kept going. Soft touches all over his shoulders and his arms and his back. Kisses on every inch of exposed skin. Speaking in near-whispers between kisses, assuring Blaine that he could tell him anything, that Kurt would never be angry when Blaine was honest about his feelings, that he was happy Blaine liked him so much. Blaine cried and cried, soaking the pillow with his tears.

Kurt wasn't sure what was going on in Blaine's mind, but it seemed like a cathartic moment for him. Maybe when he had more experience, he'd be able to read this better. But he marveled at the effect of his touches and kisses. He felt powerful, pulling such a strong reaction out of Blaine with so little. Blaine must have really needed this, and Kurt was happy to be able to give it to him. Blaine must trust him so much, to ask for this and to let his guard down so completely for Kurt.

Eventually Blaine cried himself out and his breathing returned to normal. "You did so well, sweetheart," Kurt murmured into his ear. "You understand now, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir," Blaine whimpered.

"Tell me."

"You care about me and I can trust you and I can tell you how I feel and you won't be angry."

"That's right, sweetheart. You listened to me so well."

Kurt pressed his hands more firmly into Blaine's muscles then, massaging out the tension. "Beautiful, beautiful," he said softly. "You can speak now, if you want to. Move however makes you comfortable. We're done with that part." Blaine turned his head to one side.

Kurt grasped Blaine's broad shoulders, pressing his thumbs into the muscles of his upper back. He slid his hands down to Blaine's biceps and squeezed hard, appreciating his toned arms. Both hands to one arm now, kneading the muscle there and listening to his soft gasps, and then to the other arm to do the same thing.

So much gorgeous, bronzed skin in front of him. By now Kurt was straddling Blaine, sitting on his ass, his knees bracketing Blaine's hips. He'd moved to be able to reach his other arm and to get a good angle for maneuvering, but in the moment he hadn't realized what an intimate position it was. He probably should have asked permission. This arguably counted as "touching below the waist," and it wasn't in the rules but ... it seemed okay. Blaine wasn't objecting. He should make sure anyway.

"Is this okay, how I'm sitting? I should have asked."

Blaine nodded vigorously.

Kurt smiled and moved his hands to the center of Blaine's back, running his fingers up and down on each side of his spine. Blaine groaned with pleasure when he increased the pressure on the muscles there.

God, he was beautiful. So pliant under Kurt's fingers. So amazingly open to Kurt's touch. So beautifully submissive. Kurt's heart felt strangely full. He'd never felt this way before, and he searched for words to describe it. He slid his palms in broad circles on Blaine's back, contemplating.

I love you.

Kurt stopped. He hadn't expected that. But now that the thought hit him, it was completely obvious. And rather frightening. He lifted himself up on his knees and swung one leg over, sitting to one side again.

"Roll over," he said in a hoarse whisper.

Blaine did, facing Kurt for a moment before settling on his back. He smiled up at Kurt, his face completely relaxed and radiant, though stained with tear streaks. Kurt smiled back. He felt his pulse pounding throughout his entire body.

"We're finished, sweetheart," Kurt said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. "You did very well. You were so good for me."

"Thank you," Blaine said happily. Kurt though his heart might burst right out of his chest at the sight of his sweet little sub thanking him for a punishment. No, he reminded himself. Not my sub.

Oh, but he wanted him. Wanted all of Blaine, wanted Blaine to be his, wanted to claim him and promise to take care of him, promise to be his and only his for as long as Blaine would have him. He wanted Blaine curled against his side at the dinner table, and holding tight to his hand as they walked together, and asking him to help with ... anything, everything, everything in his life. Wanted his body, too. His beautiful lips to kiss whenever he wanted. His hand on Blaine's cock. His own cock in Blaine's mouth, or in his ass, or just pressed up against Blaine's body somewhere, anywhere, thrusting against him and taking everything he wanted. He wanted everything.

It was too much. God, Kurt wanted it so badly, but it was still the scariest thing he could imagine, being responsible for someone, sharing his body that way, inviting someone into his life like that.

"Kurt? Are you all right?" Blaine sounded concerned.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Kurt said, even though it wasn't quite true. He lay down on the bed beside Blaine. "C'mere," he said, pulling Blaine toward him to lie on his side.

Blaine snuggled into him, and Kurt wrapped his arms around. His heart physically hurt. It was too much to contain, all these feelings coursing through him, this love that he didn't know what to do with. He needed to think, he needed space and quiet and just some time to figure everything out, but he couldn't ask Blaine to leave him alone, not after this and not when holding him felt so wonderful and right.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"That was ... amazing. But I'm kind of confused. Was it actually a punishment? Because ... you gave me something I wanted, and ... there wasn't any hurting or denial or anything ... I don't know."

"I don't know either," Kurt admitted. "But I thought ... well, the point is that you learn the lesson. Which is that you don't need to hide your feelings from me, because I care about you. And the other point is for you to trust me, which you did. So ... I think it worked anyway? Maybe?"

"When you put it that way, yeah, I guess it definitely worked. You're really ... Kurt, you're the best friend I've ever had. I think you're the most important person in my life right now. You're just incredible, and ... thank you for everything."

Kurt felt like a hypocrite. How could he demand this honesty about feelings from Blaine when he couldn't bring himself to say how he felt?

I love you. He couldn't say it. Blaine didn't love him back, or he would have said so. That was the whole point of what they'd just done, getting Blaine to be honest about his feelings. And those feelings were "best friend" and "most important person in my life," but not love.

He'd gotten in too deep. He'd thought that this could just be fun and learning and exploring. He'd forgotten what his father had told him all those months ago. It's doing something to you. To your heart, to your self-esteem. Even though it feels like you're just having fun.

And what was it doing to Blaine? Was he hurting Blaine accidentally? Or was Blaine falling in love, too, but just not quite there yet? Did Kurt even want Blaine to fall in love with him, or should they both take a big step back from this? Were either of them capable of dealing with this at all?

He needed time, he thought. More time to figure out this whole confusing mess. More time to decide what he wanted and who he was and what he could offer. He should get out of bed right now, Kurt told himself. Sit up and put his feet on the floor, stand up and make some excuse. Make sure Blaine was doing all right and then send him back to Dalton for the week. Give himself the time he needed.

Kurt looked up into Blaine's eyes, and in an instant he knew he wasn't going to do any of that. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he said softly.

Blaine smiled. "Where'd that thought come from?"

Kurt curled in and buried his face in Blaine's chest. "Sometimes I just feel so scared."

Blaine stroked the hair at the base of Kurt's neck. "It's all right. I'm here for you."

Kurt shook his head, his forehead rubbing against Blaine's bare chest. "I'm supposed to be here for you."

"And you are. It works both ways, you know."

Perhaps that shouldn't have been a revelation for Kurt, but it was. "I ... I suppose it does."