Kurt was almost as nervous as he had been before their real wedding. No, he corrected himself, he meant the fake wedding that was in Ohio, with all their friends and family in attendance. The one he'd spent an entire year planning. He hadn't been nervous for their real wedding at all, because at that time he'd been slightly drunk and extremely high on adrenaline and he hadn't had the wherewithal to be nervous about it until the deed was done. Thank god they'd been able to keep that whole thing secret for nearly two years now.

After today, it would no longer be an issue. This was the day of their fake real wedding. Burt's nagging for them to make it an official, legal marriage had finally culminated in the very last step of their farce. Assuming everything went according to plan, they wouldn't have to lie or pretend anymore after this.

Blaine rushed into the NYADA dance studio they'd reserved for the private ceremony. He was impeccably dressed in a black suit and green bow tie, matching Kurt's black suit and green straight tie. Kurt greeted him with a peck on the lips. "You didn't forget the marriage certificate, did you?"

Blaine pulled out the folded paper from his pocket. "I've got it right here. I still can't believe I forged a government document for this."

"It's not forging a government document," Kurt said with an exasperated sigh. "It's creating a very realistic prop for a play. We're not going to actually give it to anyone in the government."

"Your father is a congressman! He is the government!"

"Stop it, you'll make me even more nervous than I already am."

Adam stepped up and clapped Kurt on the shoulder. "Don't be nervous. Everything is going to be just fine."

Kurt looked him up and down, inspecting the judge's robe they'd borrowed from the NYADA costume department. "Are you sure you know all your lines?"

"Positive," Adam assured him.

The door opened and in walked Burt Hummel and Elliott. "Oh good," Burt said. "When this guy met me at the subway station and claimed to be your friend, I was half-expecting it to be some kind of scam operation."

"It's the top hat," Elliott said. "I love it, but it doesn't tend to inspire confidence from strangers."

Kurt reached up and adjusted the brim of the hat. "You look fabulous, Elliott." Then he turned and hugged his father. "Sorry I couldn't pick you up myself. I had to be here to make sure everything was set up properly."

Burt glanced around at the undecorated, empty room. "Huh. Nobody else here? I thought at least Rachel would come, and maybe a few more of your NYADA friends who couldn't make it to the Ohio ceremony."

"Rachel had to work," Kurt said. They'd carefully arranged the time of the wedding so that Rachel couldn't be there to out Adam as a fraud, but Burt didn't need to know that. "And since this is just a formality, we didn't want to make a big deal of it and have to host another whole reception and everything."

"When have you ever not wanted to plan a party?" Burt asked.

Adam clapped his hands together. "Now that we're all gathered, shall we begin?" He set a few papers on the podium that was set up towards one end of the room, and the other four men gathered in a semi-circle around it, Kurt and Blaine in the middle, Elliott and Burt on either side.

"Are you sure you're a judge?" Burt asked Adam. "You look pretty young for the job. And you're British?"

Adam tugged awkwardly at the collar of his robe. "Ah, yes. I mean, no. I grew up in Essex, but my parents are American citizens. They were living in the UK for ... business."

"What kind of business?" Burt asked.

"Ah ... pottery."

Kurt shot Adam an alarmed glance.

"Right then," Adam said quickly. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today ..." he went on with the script of platitudes that Kurt and Blaine had put together for him to recite. "I now pronounce you legally married husbands," he finished after the I Do's a few minutes later, and Kurt and Blaine kissed each other happily.

Adam signed his name to the marriage certificate with a florish and handed the pen to Burt as the first witness.

"I'm so proud of you both," Burt said, tears in his eyes, as he signed his name. Elliott quickly filled in the second witness spot.

The door swung open and Rachel walked in. "Oh hi, everyone! Hey, Adam!" she said enthusiastically. "What's going on? Oh my god, Burt? What are you doing here?"

"Watchin' my son get married, no biggie," Burt said proudly, but then his expression changed to confusion. "You didn't know it was his wedding day? He told me you had to work and couldn't be here."

"Wedding day?" Rachel looked around the room in confusion.

"Judge Crawford here just made it all legal. Too bad you didn't get here five minutes ago, or you could have seen it."

"Judge ... Crawford ...?" Rachel stammered. She put her hands on her hips. "He's not a judge, he's a NYADA student. Kurt, Blaine, what is going on? Why are you lying to your dad?"

"Rachel!" Kurt hissed.

"If he's not a judge, what was that marriage certificate I just signed?" Burt asked.

"I can explain!" Adam said. Everyone turned to look at him. He froze, wide-eyed. After a long moment, he said, "Nevermind, I can't explain."

"Oh my god, and you call yourself an actor," Kurt said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"Sorry, Kurt. I nearly failed improv class."

"All I want to know," Burt said, "is why you two boys don't want to get legally married. I don't understand why I practically had to drag you kicking and screaming to get you to do this, after you happily planned an entire not-legally-recognized wedding almost half a year ago, and I don't understand why you put on some kind of elaborate joke to try to convince me you were getting legally married. It makes no sense at all."

"We're already married," Blaine said.

"Blaine..." Kurt said.

"I know, Kurt, but we might as well tell him the truth now. There's no other good explanation, and I'm tired of lying."

Kurt sighed.

"You're already married?" Burt asked. "Legally?"

Kurt nodded.

"For how long?"

"Two years."

"Two years? You haven't even been back together two years!"

Blaine cleared his throat. "We, um ... we got married before we got back together. It was the day the Supreme Court decided the DOMA case, and we were so caught up in the excitement that we just ... ran down to City Hall and got married that day. We didn't want to tell you because we didn't want you to think we were being irresponsible. I'm so sorry, Mr. Hummel. We never meant for it to turn into this big thing."

Rachel's eyes widened and she waved a finger at Blaine. "Oh my god. Oh my god! When you posted on Facebook that you were married, you actually were married, weren't you! And I reassured everyone that you weren't, oh my god."

"Sorry, Rachel," Kurt said. "And sorry, Dad. I wanted you to be there for my wedding, that's why we didn't tell anyone. We arranged all this for you ... so you could be there."

Burt shook his head in disbelief. "I don't know what to say, kid. I'm just glad the two of you are together, and happy, and legal."

"You're not mad?"

"Well ... I'll set that aside as long as we can still have that fancy wedding dinner we were planning tonight."

"It's a deal," Kurt said, grinning.

"Why did we go through all this nonsense?" Blaine said to Kurt.

"You know, I'm not really sure," Kurt said. "But it was quite a ride, wasn't it?"

"It'll be a story to tell our grandkids one day, that's for sure," Blaine laughed.

"Speaking of grandkids..." Burt said.

"Oh, no no no no no," Kurt stopped him. "Not for a long time yet."