The problem with designing your own non-traditional wedding ceremony that's not actually a legal wedding is that you have to make all the decisions from scratch. There's no script to work from. Nothing has to be any certain way.

Kurt and Blaine both have close friends of both genders, so instead of "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen," they have "attendants." Kurt's will be Rachel, Mercedes, and Finn. Blaine's will be Sam, Tina, and Cooper.

Deciding that is the easy part.

"How do we make the ceremony last longer than two minutes?" Kurt asked in frustration. "Writing our own vows is one thing, but creating the whole entire ceremony is a lot harder than I expected."

"Well, Rachel will sing something..." Blaine said.

"Which is weird, because she's also a groomsmaid ... I mean attendant. So she's going to be up there already, and then she moves to center stage and sings?"

"It's not that weird."

"It's a little awkward. And she'll be wearing a matching dress, too..."

"It's not that weird," Blaine repeated.

"Should we have everyone sing? For symmetry? I mean, we know they all can sing well."

"Maybe ... or some of them could recite poetry? Or give a speech?"

"How is this any different from what will happen at the reception? How do we decide what's part of the 'ceremony' and what's part of the 'party'?"

"I'm sure Rachel would love to sing at both," Blaine said, smirking a little bit.

Kurt threw up his arms in frustration. "This is hard," he whined.

"Nobody said marriage was easy," Blaine said.

"I think that when they said that, they were talking about being married, not getting married."

"Being married is actually pretty easy so far."

Kurt smiled, his wedding worries forgotten for a moment. "It's been three quarters of a year. And every single minute has been glorious."

"What should we do for our secret anniversary?" Blaine asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Hmm. Maybe take a honeymoon finally?"

"Ooh, I'd like that. Plus it fits well with our 'doing everything out of order' theme. Marriage, then proposal, then honeymoon, then wedding."

"And then another honeymoon!" Kurt exclaimed.

"And another marriage, staged for your father's benefit."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Kurt said. He still hadn't figured out how to pull off his father's request to be at their legal wedding and sign the form as a witness, given that they were already married.

"Sorry," Blaine said. "Let's get back to planning our first fake wedding, then."

"Right," Kurt said. "I'm really stuck about who should officiate. All the people closest to us are already in the ceremony."

"Speaking of your father, actually, I was wondering how you'd feel about him officiating at the ceremony." Blaine suggested. "He's a Congressman and everything. Lots of gravitas."

"He's supposed to walk me down the aisle," Kurt pointed out. "Besides, he might be a bit overwhelmed with emotions, what with his son getting married and all."

"Oh, right. Um ... Mr. Schue?"

Kurt shot a death glare at Blaine.

"Okay then ... how about Santana?"

"As hilarious as that would be ... it's probably not a good idea."

"Who else is there?"

Kurt sighed. "Do we really need to have an officiant?"

"Um ... technically no, but I think it would be helpful to have someone be the master of ceremonies. We'll have too much on our minds to stage direct the whole thing. Plus, someone has to tell us when to kiss each other."

"Yes, because god forbid we kiss without permission."

"I'm serious, Kurt. I think Santana could do a good job. And she'll be so happy to be included."

-----------------------------------

"Santana?" Blaine asked the next time they were at the loft for dinner. "Kurt and I have something very important to ask you. Will you marry us?"

"Wanky," Santana said, a look of confusion on her face.

"Excellent phrasing choice, Blaine," Kurt said. "What he means, Santana, is that we would like for you to perform our wedding ceremony. You'd be the officiant, telling everyone when to say what, and maybe saying a few words yourself."

"Do I have to become a minister on some sketchy website or something?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's not a legally binding wedding ceremony, so no, you don't have to have any qualifications at all."

"I'm thinking of becoming a Wiccan priestess. Woman power and all that jizz."

"No religion, Santana," Blaine said. "There will just be some speeches and poems and a song or two, and you tell everyone when it's their turn, and then you say we're married."

"And then I tell you to make out in front of all your beloved friends and family."

"Precisely," Kurt said.

"Wanky!"

"I'm so glad to see you're approaching this role with the seriousness it deserves," Kurt snarked at her.

"She'll come through in the end, when it really matters," Blaine said. "Won't you, Santana?"

Santana winked at him. "Of course. So who is doing all these speeches and poems and songs?"

"And now on to the next problem..." Kurt said with a sigh.