July 12, 2012, 3:44 p.m.
All I Ever Wanted: Chapter 17
T - Words: 3,919 - Last Updated: Jul 12, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 19/19 - Created: Apr 05, 2012 - Updated: Jul 12, 2012 1,193 0 1 0 0
Blaine could barely remember leaving the roller rink. He had a vague recollection of Rachel giving him a smirk and telling him she would be staying the night with Finn so that he and Kurt could have some privacy, but the next thing he knew they were in the backseat of a cab about halfway home. He could tell by the furtive looks that Kurt kept sending him that he was worried Blaine might change his mind again, so he reached over to grasp Kurt's hand and pull it over to his thigh, anchoring it there as a sign they were still of the same mind.
Before he knew it they were standing in the hallway outside their bedrooms, Kurt looking down at him shyly, unsure of what to do next. With one hand, Blaine reached back and turned the doorknob. Grinning, he once again reached for Kurt's tie, using it to draw him forward as he slowly backed up until they were both inside. He reached around Kurt to close the door, and then crowded him back a bit until he was resting fully against the wood. Blaine then wound his arms around Kurt's middle and burrowed his face into the crease of his neck and shoulder. He breathed deep, taking in the scent that only belonged to Kurt. After just a second, Kurt looped his arms around Blaine's shoulders, tightening them ever so slightly as he buried his face in Blaine's hair. They stayed that way for several minutes, enjoying the way their bodies fit together perfectly in the still night air.
Eventually, Blaine became aware that the feelings of peace, contentment, and 'yes, finally' were being replaced with a heat moving up from the pit of his stomach and reaching out through his body. He grew restless as the hunger began to spread and his nuzzling turned into wet open mouth kisses placed against the soft, pale skin of Kurt's neck. He felt Kurt shudder against him, his arms tightening and holding him even closer. Blaine drew back and looked deeply into the wonders that were Kurt's eyes, thinking that maybe, if he looked hard enough, he would begin to see the secrets of the universe there.
The hunger that Blaine was feeling was reflected in Kurt's eyes. He felt one of Kurt's hands slide up his neck into his hair, which had suddenly sprung into a riot of curls. He raised an eyebrow questioningly and Kurt blushed delicately.
"I can't help it. I love the curls," Kurt murmured, carding his fingers through the curls over and over, reveling in their softness. Suddenly his eyes sharpened and his grip on the curls tightened as he tugged, bringing Blaine's face closer until he crashed their lips together in a searing kiss.
Blaine wasn't sure how long they stood there kissing. The sun had already gone down, so there was no visible marker of the passage of time in the room. All he knew was that they stood there long enough for his limbs to grow heavy with want and a strange sense of inevitability to wash over him. It seemed like his whole life, everything he had done, had led him to this moment, to Kurt and he just wanted to savor it. Blaine finally pulled back slightly, searching Kurt's eyes for a hint of hesitation or regret and finding none. He unwound his arms from Kurt's waist and moved towards the bedside table to turn on a lamp. He looked around the room, gaping at what the soft light had revealed. Red and yellow roses covered every surface, in vases, floating in bowls, and loose petals spread all over the bed.
"What can I say?" Kurt murmured softly into this ear. "They're my favorite."
"They're beautiful. You're beautiful." He reached up and traced a finger along Kurt's jawline. "I think you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Inside and out."
Kurt suddenly pounced, pressing another passionate kiss to his lips and then suddenly Blaine felt the air-conditioned air touch his skin as his polo shirt blinked out of existence.
"Wow, what happened to the guy who was so innocent he didn't even want to kiss?"
"He realized that there are things worth taking a risk on. That you are worth taking a risk on."
With that Kurt's shirt also disappeared and Blaine felt his brain short circuit for a second. He tangled his fingers in Kurt's hair and drug him down until their lips and chests met. "That shirt was one of my favorites, so I hope you remember where you put it," he laughed, his lips still pressed against Kurt's.
"Too. Much. Talking."
They sunk down onto the bed and after that there were no more words to be said.
Kurt felt a sense of contentment like he had never known before. There, wrapped in Blaine's arms with only the sounds of their breaths and heartbeats slowly returning to normal, he had found a peace that had eluded him his entire life.
He lay with his head and arm resting on Blaine's chest, his fingers slowly threading through the light hair he found there. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even realize that he had snickered out loud until Blaine spoke.
"What?" The rumble of Blaine's chest tickled his ear and he laughed again.
"I just can't believe I waited so long to do that. What in the world was I thinking?"
"Well, I'm going to be selfish and say I'm glad you waited."
Kurt raised his head up so that he could look into Blaine's eyes. "I am too. It was you that made it so special. It wouldn't have been the same with someone else." He laid his head back down and snuggled in closer and lay in silence for a few minutes.
"So, I know I just slept with an older man, but how much older, exactly? We've never really talked about it." Though he tried to keep it light, there was a serious note to Blaine's voice.
"So old I can't even remember. A genie's memories eventually fade. It would be too painful if we remembered all of it — too many people lost, everyone we cared for dead. I sometimes wish we forgot quicker. If the connection is an unpleasant one it would be wonderful to just be able to forget and start over fresh the next time. And if the connection was a good one, well, sometimes it would be best to forget those too."
"Will you tell me about your last connection? About Mr. Hummel?"
Kurt was silent for a minute, wondering if he was willing or able to talk about it. He knew he wanted to share everything with Blaine though, so he braced himself and searched for the right place to begin. "His name was Burt and he lived in this small town in Ohio. It was 1943 and his wife had recently died, so he was going through some of her boxes in the attic and found my samovar. We never found out why she had it, but he touched it and there I was. He was a simple meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, rough-around-the edges and completely wonderful. If I ever had a real father I don't remember it and Burt…he became my father in every way that matters. He taught me that I mattered, that I was worth more than just granting wishes. He called me 'Kiddo' and liked to ruffle my hair as he taught me how to fix up the cars that were brought into his garage…"
Kurt trailed off, letting the happy memories wash over him before continuing, his voice filled with a new tension. "Then the Korean War started. He had fought in World War II and had been injured, so they sent him home in 1942, but the injury was long healed and he felt that he owed it to his country to fight for them again. He volunteered for the army in 1952 and…I'd never been connected to someone when they dies before, at least not so that I can remember, so I wasn't sure what was happening at first. I felt strange, as if I was floating, but I wasn't. Everything kept moving in and out of focus and I started to feel this pull from the samovar. Then I knew. I knew he was gone and that I was being pulled back into…nothingness." Kurt's voice broke and he had to stop for a minute. "I loved him so much, so I don't want to forget him, but at the same time remembering still hurts too much."
Blaine leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips before sinking his head in even further until he was nestled into the curve of Kurt's neck, an arm wrapped tightly around his waist. They stayed like that for a while, relaxing into the feeling of having someone to share their pain with.
"Most connections aren't tragic, though," Kurt eventually continued, this time without the break in his voice. "I had this one connection, Emma was her name, whose only wish was that I clean her house. And I mean really clean it. This was just when bacteria were discovered to exist and she was deathly afraid of them. She had me sterilize everything that she came in contact with. She was really sweet, but the connection didn't last long. She was getting married and her fiancé and I, I forget his name, didn't like each other much, so we decided to part ways."
"Does that sort of thing happen often? Having a connection end that way, I mean."
"It's the most common reason why connections end, actually. A spouse or friend can't accept us or we end up causing too much havoc. We aren't the best at blending in and you've seen how difficult it is for us to stop using our powers. They just take their three wishes and call it a day. Hopefully, if things end well we get to say goodbye, if not, suddenly it's 20 years later and someone else is holding the samovar and you're not sure how you got there."
"I can't even begin to imagine how that feels, but I guess I can relate to the feeling of not knowing how you ended up where you are."
"Have you given any more thought to trying to do both? The company and the music, I mean."
"A little. I just…the whole point of doing this was to do what the family needed, to honor my father's memory. If I don't put my all into it then what was the point? I just don't want to be a disappointment."
Kurt rose up a little and leaned over Blaine, pressing him back into the bed and staring deep into his eyes. "You will never be a disappointment." When Blaine didn't look convinced he leaned his face even closer. "Repeat after me: I will never be a disappointment."
Blaine went a little cross-eyed trying to keep his eyes pinned on Kurt's and laughed.
"Come on," Kurt urged, moving one hand down to tickle at Blaine's side. "I will never be a disappointment."
"OK! OK! I will never be a disappointment. Stop! Ticklish."
Kurt relented and dropped his hand back to the bed. He dipped his face forward again not stopping until the tip of his nose pressed lightly up against Blaine's. "Make sure you remember that." With their noses still touching he slightly wiggled his head back and forth for a few seconds before flopping back flat onto the bed at Blaine's side.
"Being back at Anderson Worldwide is proving harder than I expected," Blaine sighed once he got his laughing under control. "Don't get me wrong, I like the business, I really do. It's just…there's more intrigue and deception than I was expecting. That's yet another reason why I love having you here. I can't tell you how much it means to know I have someone to come home to that doesn't lie to me, keep things from me, or try and manipulate me." Blaine missed the uneasy look on Kurt's face as he once again nuzzled into his favorite spot in the crook of Kurt's neck. "Hmm…sleepy. Stay please. I just want to fall asleep with you in my arms." Kurt nodded and they turned slightly until Kurt was on his side with Blaine wrapped around him, the big spoon to Kurt's little spoon.
Kurt awoke slowly the next morning, listening to the sounds of birds chirping and the breeze rustling the leaves of the trees outside the open window. During the night he and Blaine had switched positions and now he played the role of the big spoon, cradling Blaine tightly in his arms. He scooted back a bit, wanting to give Blaine some space in the quickly warming room, but Blaine sought him out, even in sleep, turning over to face Kurt and burrowed his face into the same pillow Kurt was using.
Kurt ran his eyes over Blaine's features, cataloging each one and committing them to his deepest memory. These were moments he never wanted to forget, no matter how much time passed. Love was often depicted in musicals and movies as an overwhelming, all-consuming force that took over your mind and body, but Kurt only felt a sense of peace and belonging. The physical side had been spectacular and more than he had ever hoped for, but it was this moment, laying in the soft morning light with Blaine pressed up against his chest, their breaths intermingling, that meant the most to him, that proved he was 100% in love.
Blaine stirred, stretching and giving a quiet sigh before snuggling in closer and slowly opening his eyes. They just looked at each other for a few moments, happy grins creeping up to cover their faces. Finally, Blaine leaned over to kiss him good morning, but Kurt pulled his head away. "Ugh. Morning breath." He placed a finger against Blaine's lips and gave them a tap. The look of wonder on Blaine's face told him that his little bit of morning magic had worked.
"Mmm…minty." Blaine smacked his lips together and leaned over to complete the kiss. "Can you magically give me a shave too?"
"No, I like the…hnng. I like the scruff." Kurt managed to get out, despite Blaine having moved onto nibbling on his ear.
"Well, I'm all minty fresh and morning scruffy, so what are you going to do with me?"
Kurt rolled over and pinned Blaine to the mattress. "I'm sure I can think of something."
It was at least an hour before they managed to drag themselves out of bed. Thankfully they had showered and were just finishing up getting dressed when the door burst open and Rachel came running in.
"Kurt, I got it! I got it! I'm now an official member of the chorus and the producer said there's a possibility they'll make me an understudy for one of the featured roles. I've got to move to New York within the next two weeks to report for rehearsal. I can't believe it! I'm in a musical that might end up on Broadway. And I owe it all to you."
Kurt squealed with excitement and jumped up from where he was sitting on the bed to hug her. As they were celebrating he waited for it to dawn on her that she had found him in Blaine's room, after obviously having had spent the night. He glanced over to share his amusement with Blaine, but found him looking at them with a confused look on his face.
"What's going on? What musical?"
The excited look faded a bit from Rachel's face, replaced by a touch of guilt and apprehension, as she turned around to face her cousin. She gathered her thoughts and told him about her plans to move to New York and the audition for the workshop. Blaine just listened, shock evident on his face.
Rachel finished her story and an uneasy silence filled the room. She shifted uncomfortably; waiting for some kind of reaction, but when none was forthcoming she made a half-hearted excuse of needing to go tell Finn and Helen the news and left the room. Kurt watched her leave, sorry that she didn't get the excited reaction from Blaine that she was hoping for.
"Did you know about this?" Blaine's voice quietly broke the silence.
Kurt's heart dropped a little and he felt a quick pang of guilt. "I've been helping her practice for a while. I-I told her about the audition and…"
"And what?"
"I might have used a little magic to get her a spot in the audition. But that was all I swear. Getting the part was all her."
The confusion on Blaine's face gave away to hurt. "I don't understand. I thought we were going to always be honest with one another. Why didn't you tell me?"
The wounded look on Blaine's face caused Kurt a sharp jab of pain. He could deal with anger, but the knowledge that he had hurt Blaine with his actions was too much. "It wasn't my secret to tell and Rachel wasn't ready yet. I kept telling her to talk to you, but—"
"This is my family, Kurt." Blaine interrupted, anger beginning to color his voice. "You can't just mess with our lives like this. We aren't toys for you to practice your magic on."
Kurt felt a bristle of indignation beneath his guilt. "You didn't seem to mind when it was you I was doing things for," he snapped.
"Rachel's just a kid! She can't just go running off to New York." Blaine wasn't quite yelling, but it was the angriest Kurt could remember seeing him
"It's her dream and she has the talent. You of all people should understand wanting to pursue your dreams," Kurt raised his voice a little in frustration.
"What I understand is that we have to make sacrifices for the people we love and that right now Rachel's place is here," Blaine yelled, finally showing his anger fully. "You need to stay out of family business that doesn't concern you."
Kurt sagged at the reminder that he wasn't part of Blaine's family and the worry that he might never be began to worm its way into his brain. He was searching for something to say, some response that wouldn't make the situation any worse, when Blaine headed to the door.
"I need to go. I just can't be here right now."
The door closed behind him and Kurt collapsed down onto the bed, wondering how such an amazing morning had suddenly gone so wrong.
Kurt waited for Blaine for a while, hoping he would come back so that they could talk things out, but eventually he pulled himself up and decided to take a walk to clear his thoughts. As he left through the front gate he went over the morning's events in his mind. Rachel's bombshell about her plans to move to New York had obviously dismayed Blaine, but he had seemed even more upset by the revelation that Kurt had kept the information from him. Part of Kurt rebelled against the idea that he had been dishonest with Blaine— he hadn't lied, he just hadn't volunteered information that he didn't think was his to tell — but he could understand why Blaine felt betrayed. Just the night before Blaine had talked about how happy he was to have someone in his life that was honest with him, someone that he could trust and then not even 12 hours later he was hit with information that made that trust seem unearned.
He tried calling Blaine, but there was no answer and he didn't even know if Blaine had his phone with him, since he had left the bedroom so abruptly that morning. Kurt knew that nothing was going to be resolved with him out roaming the streets, so he turned back to the house, determined to find Blaine and talk things through.
When he arrived he was surprised to find Quinn sitting in the living room. He greeted her politely and learned she was waiting for Helen to get home from an early meeting, so he attempted to make a graceful exit in order to go search for Blaine. He was surprised when she followed him out to the entryway.
"The board held a vote this morning on Blaine's position in the company and he lost." She moved to stand at the bottom of the stairs, blocking his way. "My father won't support him if he doesn't marry me and he won't do that as long as you're here. He sacrificed so much and you've ensured it's all been for nothing. You're ruining his life."
"They voted already? No, that wasn't supposed to…" Kurt moved to push his way past Quinn, but stopped when his toe hit a box sitting at the base of the stairs. He glanced down, already making a move to walk around it when his eyes caught something that stopped his heart. There, half buried in the box between a glass bowl and vase, was his samovar. "W-What is that?"
Quinn followed his gaze down to the box. "Just some things that the family wants to get rid of," she said dismissively. "Blaine brought it down a while ago."
The blood drained from Kurt's face and the bottom of his stomach dropped away as if he had just fallen from a great height. "No, he wouldn't. There's got to be some mistake. I-I've got to talk to Blaine."
"He isn't here. He was really upset when I told him about the vote. When he left earlier he said he didn't want to talk to you."
"I don't believe you."
"I'm sorry, but did you really expect anything different? You've ruined his chance at running his family's business; you stuck your nose in where it didn't belong with Rachel." She smile cruelly at Kurt's start of surprise. "Yes, I've already heard about that. News travels fast in our circle. Did you really expect him to be waiting here with open arms for you? How much damage do you have to do to his life before you get that you're no good for him or this family?"
Kurt spun on his heal and rushed out the front door, out the gate, and down the road. His heart was beating so loudly he could hardly hear and he was unable to take a normal breath, almost hyperventilating. Their fight hadn't been that bad – just a slight hiccup— he tried to tell himself. There was no way that Blaine was breaking their connection. But what else would explain the samovar being in that box, waiting to be picked up with the other unwanted junk? He shook his head, trying to force the negative thoughts out. No, even if Blaine was going to break the connection, he wouldn't do it that way, he just wouldn't.
Kurt stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk, his sight blurred by the tears in his eyes. A voice in his head kept whispering that Blaine might break the connection like this if he blamed Kurt for the way the vote had turned out. Memories from the cocktail party and the charity ball, when the board members had looked at them with such judgment in their eyes, came rushing back to him. Maybe he really was the reason Blaine had lost the vote. Maybe he was he ruining Blaine's life.
Doubt started creeping in. Normally the breaking of a connection was bad enough (cold, dark, nothingness), but now that he was in love it would be much, much worse. Kurt blindly turned a corner, no longer paying attention to where he was. He took a step off the curb, not hearing the squealing of tires, and then…nothing.
Comments
Oh my god, Kurt...poor Kurt. I really love this story and your writing is really great. I can't wait for the next chapter and I am really sad that there will only be 2 more chapters. But I know all stories need to end one day and I have to deal with it somehow ;)! I hope it will have a happy end though.