Tears stung my eyes as I walked into my room.The salty drops slipped down my cheeks as I opened the drawer. I held the handgun to my head, another tear slipped down my cheek. 
My name is Blaine Anderson, I was seventeen years old when I died. 
I'm not sure if I'm in heaven or hell or whatever. I'm really just in a blank cream room. But, not a room, it's a never ending room. Maybe this is better than what I was dealing with before. Being tormented constantly and being abused at home. But, if I could, I would take it back.
Let's start from when I was fifteen. 
"Dad, you have to accept the fact that I'm gay!" I said with might. 
He slapped me hard against my face. I just looked at him, blankly. My father is a monster. Ten minutes ago he gave me a hug and told me he loved me. But, to him, I changed. Just because I'm gay. Does that make me a differnent person? Is it wrong to feel this way about boys? I was so confused.
My dad never apologized. He hit me whenever I mentioned anything about my boyfriend, Kurt, or really anything about boys in general. I was miserable. This was only the beginning, the slushie facials were nothing compared to being abused my your own father. My father turned Cooper against me. I felt alone. But, Kurt was the only one who made me smile. Sometimes it wasn't enough to heal my pain. 
My mother was an alcoholic and didn't notice when I was brutally hit, she was already passed out on the couch. 
She was never there for me when I needed her. She ended up dying of alcohol poisoning. My father didn't cry once at the funeral. 
This continued on and on, the bullying, the abuse. Let's go back to where I was the state I was in. 
I was just about to pull the trigger, when Kurt walked in the room. He always had impeccable timing. He was the one person, that I didn't want to leave for. But, I couldn't take it. No matter how much it would hurt him. I pulled the trigger right in front of him. He couldn't even say a word, there was no time. 
My blood scattered across the room. Against the white satin couch. 
I died instantly, I saw the blood being scattered. I never really had a problem with blood since I had to clean it off my face every day. All thanks to my wonderful father. The reason he put me in this position. He makes me wanna scream.
Kurt sat there sobbing and pulled something out of his pocket. He lay the tiny box next to my dead body. He opened the box slowly. Once he opened it, there was a ring inside. A band. A engagement band. For me.
"Marry me?" he whispered silently with a tear.
I can't believe this. He was just about to ask to marry me, and I killed myself right before. 
This is the most peaceful I've felt in a really long time. It feels nice, but I wish Kurt was here with me.  I miss Kurt, I miss the kisses we shared, I miss the hugs he gave. I miss it all together. I wish I would of just stuck around and seen if things would get better. Kurt was always telling me that, I never believed him. Cause, it never seemed to happen. Things never really got better.
"So, what bring you here today, Kurt? How's the bullying snd how's your father and Carole?" Dr. Palms said. 
I never knew Kurt ever went to a therapist. Maybe, he was ashamed.
"Well, my boyfriend, Blaine committed suicide, right in front of me." I said trying not for the tears to run away from my eyes. 
"Oh, my, I'm very sorry Kurt" 
"Let's talk about it, why do you think he killed himself?" 
"He was fed up with the bullying and his fathers abuse. He wouldn't let me tell anyone. He was a battered child. I felt horribly for him. But, I loved him."
I don't now how but I can see them I'm there in this room with Kurt and Dr. Palms. Maybe, I have unfinished bussiness. 
Gosh, Kurt looks so sad. I wish I didn't pull the trigger. I WANT TO TAKE IT ALL BACK! 
But, I knew I couldn't. It wasn't possible I pulled the trigger and now I'm here. 
"I was going to ask him to marry me that night," Kurt said while choking a bit. Dr. Palms nodded with sympathy while dabbling something down on the folder with lots of sheets in it. The name said Kurt Hummel. 
"That's enough for today, you seem a bit overwhelmed. Let me tell you to do one thing, don't start cutting again. I know it's sad. But, please you've gone so long! Stay strong, honey." 
I never knew Kurt cut. I didn't know a lot of things about him. I wonder why he never told me this side of his life. I feel like I've missed a big chunk of his life that he never told me.