It wasn't supposed to go like this. In all honesty.

The next time Kurt called Blaine it was just to talk. He had spent his afternoon taking Lily to her dance rehearsal for a performance her class would be doing for a Christmas party at the dance studio. He had watched her with pride and clapped enthusiastically, even when she messed up her steps a bit. After that they had met up with Marley who had brought Milo into town so they could all have dinner together. Then Marley had taken the kids home so Kurt could visit Carl with an update of how things were going at the office.

Carl had asked if he was okay, saying that he seemed off, and somehow Kurt ended up in his car with his head throbbing and a strong need to scream until his voice disappeared. So he called Blaine. Hoping for an ear to unload to, needing someone to listen and understand.

That wasn't the way things went at all.

Kurt had bottomed again. On his hands and knees, this time. Begging Blaine to fuck him harder and faster – deeper and rougher. At first he had been nervous, like the last time. Remembering how big Blaine had felt inside of him, how he – for a moment – had feared he would split open. But when he felt Blaine's fingers prepping him he knew that he wanted it, needed it.

There was nothing close to emotional contact this time – no foreplay, no kisses or tender touching. It wasn't a pity-fuck, and it wasn't a depression-fuck. Kurt had just needed it. Not asked, but told Blaine that he needed him to fuck him. Blaine had seemed uncertain, but served his duty to A+.

The next time he didn't even ask Blaine if he could stop by the hotel for a talk. He simply texted him that if Blaine was free Kurt would go to the hotel. This time they didn't waste any time and were naked ten minutes after the arrival of both of them. Kurt was back on hands and knees with Blaine pounding into him.

It didn't take many fucks like that before Kurt found out that bottoming definitely was his favorite. He loved the feeling of submitting completely to the way Blaine took him hard. Blaine's hands on his hips and pressing his back down, pressing his chest onto the bedspread, his panting and growling when he was close to ejaculating – all of it was so damn hot, and Kurt couldn't help the ecstasy rolling through his body from the feeling how much of a man Blaine was.

Kurt still felt sick with himself, guilty for going behind Marley's back. By now he had started to force himself to shut down that part of himself whenever he snuck away to his and Blaine's hotel room. Sometimes he still had breakdowns of hysteric sobbing and self-hatred in the car on his way home, whenever he had seen Blaine he couldn't look Marley in the eyes and tucking in the kids at night had him overly emotional. But he had faced that he couldn't suppress this part of himself anymore. He had denied himself for too long, hidden away behind a facade of a person he would never be.

He needed this. To keep himself sane. Now that he had opened the door he couldn't just close it again. He had tried. The first few times he kept telling himself to not see Blaine again – but he needed it too much. This wasn't because he had feelings for Blaine, he simply needed to be able to have this need filled and Marley could never do that.

Now they were both covered in a strong layer of sweat, splayed out on the hotel bed, way too hot to want to bother with putting on the comforter. They were panting, heaving for air, and Kurt's ass was throbbing from being used.

This was the fourth time they had sex after Thanksgiving. They weren't cuddling. They never did. They didn't even lie close. This was simply bros helping out bros, as Blaine so articulately had phrased it over and over again with that little chuckle he did so often when talking to Kurt.

"Shit. I feel so drained. How the hell am I supposed to have sex with my wife tomorrow?" Kurt complained heavily, his eyes sneaking to close.

"You could just not have sex with her? Use the old headache excuse," Blaine groaned and struggled to lie on his side so he could curl up around his pillow. The sweat was shimmering over his forehead and his eyes were a clear amber in the light from the lamps on the nightstand.

"Can't. Christmas party at the office. Same old story. We get drunk, we have sex. It's always been that way, because... yeah, it's been easier when I was drunk," Kurt shrugged, his tongue suddenly feeling rasp. He sounded like a complete asshole saying stuff like that.

"I see. And you worry you'll have trouble getting it up?" Blaine asked, not mocking or even raising an eyebrow. Simple interest.

Kurt bit his lower lip nervously. He hated how much he always had to struggle to force on an erection whenever he was going to be with Marley. She was so beautiful and incredible – but she just didn't do it for him, no matter how much he wished for it to be that way.

"I better get home," Kurt sighed and got up off the bed. He pulled on his underwear and picked his button-down up from the floor. As soon as he had his clothes back on he went to the bathroom to wash his hands and fix his hair. When he returned to the room Blaine was pulling on his cardigan over his t-shirt, sending Kurt a grin when he saw him enter the room.

"I have an idea. Keep your phone on and close tomorrow night then," Blaine smirked.

"What? I have to keep it up tomorrow. I can't just sneak out for a fuck and then go home to have sex with Marley," Kurt huffed out as he closed his coat.

"Of course not. Just keep it close, right? See you later," Blaine ended with a smile, winking at Kurt as he left the room.

What the hell did he think he was doing?

xXx

It was the typical office Christmas party. A fancy dinner followed by dancing and chatting, circulating between colleagues and their spouses. As much as Kurt loved his work and his colleagues it was enough to a bad case of migraine to spend an entire night pretending to be the happy couple.

Of course it was easy enough to hold his arm around Marley, holding her hand and smile at her whenever she smiled at him. She would always take his breath away with how stunning she looked, especially dressed up on a night like this. The real problem was when people were excited about how "perfect a couple they were" and "how impressive their relationship was".

That was when Kurt really wanted to go drown himself in the toilet.

He was currently holding Marley's hand while they were chatting to Quinn. The girls were laughing and having fun while Kurt stuck to mostly nodding and laughing at all the right times so he wouldn't have to actually go into the conversation. He crammed his beer close, knowing he would need the alcohol more than he wanted to admit, but after an entire evening of alcohol and small-talk he was finally starting to feel it. He was just starting to wonder if he should start going for the stronger beverages when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

At first he ignored it, but then he remembered what Blaine had said the previous day; that he should keep his phone close. He glanced to the girls who were lost in their talk so Kurt thought that he could easily sneak a little away to see if it was Blaine texting him.

He found an empty chair where he sat down and found out his phone. He almost didn't have the nerves to press the button to turn on the light on the screen. What if Blaine had sent him some kind of obscene photo of some creepy guy? Or what if Blaine had sent him some kind of obscene photo of himself? He was just the type to do stuff like that.

He's probably got professional photos of him in compromising positions, Kurt thought with a slight snort. He took a deep breath and pressed the button.

It wasn't a photo. It was a text.

Blaine:"I'm gonna get you warmed up for drunk-time with the wife. Don't freak out, just go with it. Maybe you can even get yourself so drunk you won't need it."

Kurt:"Get me warmed up? What are you talking about?"

Blaine:"You know – like, when I'm working you open. When your clothes is on the floor and you've got your ass in the air for me."

Blaine:"When I get you moaning and you're holding onto the sheets."

Blaine:"When I push my fingers into your ass and you're just taking it."

Kurt panicked and shoved the phone back in his pocket. His face was positively ablaze. He could feel Blaine's words creeping up his skin, making him sweat. With a flustered breath he found his phone back out. To find a new text waiting for him.

Blaine:"When you tighten around my fingers I get crazy because I just want my dick in you already."

Kurt:"You can't just text me stuff like that."

Blaine:"Why not? You like it. I bet you're hard right now?"

This was too much. It was too weird. He had never in his life sent those kind of texts to anyone before, and he had never had anyone sent him texts like that. He looked around himself, hoping he could make sure no one was staring at him. When he found that everyone was busy he got to his feet and walked towards Carl's office. He knew it wasn't fair play, but he went to his bathroom and locked the door.

Blaine:"Did you die on me?"

Blaine:"I have a fantasy I wanna tell you about..."

Kurt rested his forehead against the cool tiles of the bathroom. He forced his breathing to calm down, closed his eyes and hoped that he could avoid a panic attack.

Kurt:"Tell me, then..."

Blaine:"Yesss"

Blaine:"Every time I have you naked, or whenever I think about you naked, I can't stop wondering how you taste"

Blaine:"I just want your dick in my mouth. Taste it and feel it. So fucking big and heavy."

Kurt sat down on the toilet. His legs couldn't keep him up any longer. The thought of Blaine's long, fat tongue licking up his shaft, Blaine's full wet lips locked around his erection, himself fucking into Blaine's mouth and coming all over his face – it was way too much.

The soft cotton of his boxers felt like a flaming prison, and the zipper of his slacks was cutting roughly against his hardening cock. Marley was out there; dancing and having fun with their friends, thinking Kurt was somewhere else doing the same – but there he was; sitting on his boss' toilet, palming himself through his pants.

Kurt:"Please do"

He nearly dropped his phone from the surprise over actually sending that. He had just agreed to getting a blow job from a guy.

No. No, this wasn't just any guy. This was Blaine. He still wasn't all used to actually acting on his lust for other men, but it helped to remember that he wasn't sleeping around with just anyone. To remind himself that he stuck to the same guy was a relief because at least he wasn't a slut.

Blaine:"I'm gonna suck you so hard you won't be able to feel your legs."

Blaine:"I'm gonna take you down my throat and suck until you just come in my mouth."

God he was good with words. Kurt could feel the pre-come leaving stenches on his underwear, his crotch on fire. It was painful.

Blaine:"And I'll put my fingers in your ass. Press all the places I know will make you go insane."

That was it!

If this had to work he needed to get Marley and go home. He was hard as a rock and his head was spinning. He couldn't decide if it was all the wine and beers he had over the evening, or if it was Blaine's words and the fantasies that started taking over his brain.

Blaine:"Or I could just lick your ass open for me. Find out how you taste inside."

With a growl Kurt tumbled out of the bathroom with his phone in hand. He rushed out of the office, only stopping to text Blaine back.

Kurt:"If you don't stop now I'm gonna come in my pants."

Blaine:"I knew you liked it. Just think of me fucking you hard when you get to it. I'll award you with a blow next week."

Kurt could not be held responsible for the whimper that fell from his mouth. He rushed to the bar and got himself a beer that he drank in almost one go.

Kurt:"You better."

Blaine:"I'll look forward to that. Go get her, Mr. Straight Man."

He hurried through the crowded office building, smiling awkwardly at colleagues and significant others. It took him a bit, but when he finally found Marley she was checking her phone – probably to see if there were any news on the kids.

It wasn't something he had ever done before, but with the images Blaine had painted him running around in the back of his head Kurt was frisky. He grabbed her wrist and twisted her around so he could press his mouth onto his wife's. At first she was stunned in surprise but easily loosened up and slipped her arms around her husband's neck, allowing herself into the kiss.

"Let's go home," Kurt grinned, holding her a little closer.

It didn't take long before Marley blushed and smiled broadly from the feeling of Kurt's pelvis pressed against hers, the light dress not doing anything to cover up exactly why he was ready to leave the party even if it was early.

"Someone's in a good mood," Marley giggled and bit down on his lower lip before backing away.

"I'll go get our coats. You call a cab and we can sneak out," she smiled innocently and placed a last peck on his mouth before she turned on her heel and headed out to get their coats.

Kurt felt a little sick with himself but as soon as he got off the phone with the cab company he scrolled back through his conversation with Blaine. Or what was more: Blaine's obscure words about what he liked to do to Kurt's body, and what he wanted to do to him later.

They managed to get out without being held back by too many people. The cab ride home was silent, but Marley kept sneaking her hands up his thigh and he tried his best to reciprocate, while still focusing on what Blaine had told him to.

The cool December night wind was biting into his face when he paid the cab and followed Marley to the front door. He was swaying on his feet as they locked the door behind them and got their coats off. He could hardly stand up anymore, and he knew that if he was even capable of performing anything tonight it would be brief and sloppy.

Not that it would be anything new. With Marley it was always like that. It made it easier to deal with when he barely could make out her face and the elegant hourglass-shape of her feminine body.

"Come on, Kurt. I want you so much right now," she mumbled into a kiss as they tumbled into the bedroom. She had already dragged his shirt out of his pants and was currently fumbling with the buttons. She had dumped his tie on the dresser by the door and Kurt was sure that if she could she would be grinding against him.

"Yes. Yes... let me just..."

He moved his hands around for a moment before he found the zipper on the back of her dress. It was quickly undone and Marley had it shimmied down around her frame before hanging it over the foot of the bed.

In a quick motion she had the decoration pillows and bedspread pushed to the floor. She was now wearing nothing but her underwear and Kurt tried his best to keep his eyes closed as she sat on the bed and started working his pants open.

She was unbelievably fast and before Kurt could do anything he was in his underwear as well. His dick had gone soft from the cab ride and all the kissing, so when he followed his wife under the comforter he closed his eyes to recall everything Blaine had texted him.

Their kissing turned steadily sloppier and Marley's hands were running wild around his body. She had her bra and panties off before she started pulling down his underwear, and with a heavy breath he allowed his naked frame to press against hers.

Fuck. Fuck. I need to get to it now. What did he say?Kurt thought to himself.

As he let his hand slide from her hip and down her ass he remembered the feeling of Blaine's muscled ass with the soft curves over the cheeks. He reminded himself of the feeling of Blaine's hard dick pressed against his skin. As he felt her wetness he pretended it was Blaine's pre-come, hot and salty smearing over him.

There was no time for foreplay. Not if he wanted to actually go through with this before giving up again. He pushed Marley to her back, earning a giggle through the dark, before he crawled between her legs.

Her thighs were way too smooth, and he tried to recall the feeling of Blaine's thighs against his palm. He missed the feeling of coarse hair under his palm and bit his cheek in a hope to distract himself. Marley handed him a condom from the nightstand and he had it on with shaky hands.

Just think of last week. Or yesterday. Blaine's cock. Yeah, his chest is wide and flat. His hands are always so strong. He almost bruise my arms when he's turning me around, Kurt thought as he pushed into his wife and fell to support on his forearms.

She was tight, but not tight enough. He remembered how it had felt the few times he had topped with Blaine and it was so strange and different. He was squeezing his eyes hard shut, struggling to keep going, pumping his hips furiously to make sure he didn't lose it. He fought hard to block out the cute whimpering noises and moans Marley gave, doing his best to mentally replace them with Blaine's harsh grunts and groans.

"Oh god..." Marley whined into his hair, her arms around him and her nails scraping down his back.

Just come. Just come, dammit!Kurt ordered himself, promising himself that he would take Blaine up on his offer on a blow job as soon as possible.

That was it! Back to the vision of Blaine on his knees in front of him. Blaine's full, pink lips sliding down around his cock; wet and glistening. He imagined how hot and sucking the feeling of his cock in Blaine's mouth would be, maybe he would even suck his balls into his mouth. He hoped Blaine would moan while he did it, and as promised push a finger into his ass and work it around in all the right places that made Kurt's knees go weak.

"Oh shit!" Kurt groaned as the fantasy pushed all blood towards his crotch.

With the thought of how he would look down on Blaine as he let his load shoot over the pretty face Kurt felt himself get close. He visualized how the white liquid would slide in streams down Blaine's tan skin, drop from his chin. Right as he got to the part of imagining how Blaine would look licking his lips with that seductive smile he did Kurt's abdomens tensed and he filled the condom violently to a distant muffled whine from Marley.

He couldn't breathe. Her hair was in his face and he was biting down on the pillow. He was sweating and felt disgusting. Now she would want to curl up and cuddle, naked and close – and Kurt would feel like the worst husband in the world.

He wanted to cry. Instead he rushed to get up right as she started to run her fingers through his hair. He rolled off of her and got to his feet. He tied up the condom and hurried to the bathroom where he threw it in the bin, avoiding the mirror as he washed up. For a moment he sat on the toilet, face in hands and tears battling to escape, but he managed to hold them back.

After a few minutes he tiptoed back into the bedroom and dove under the comforter. Marley folded her arms around him, still naked, but he could hear in her hushed breathing that she was already asleep and he appreciated it. Instead of returning her embrace he stayed still, paralyzed in her arms and staring up in the dark ceiling above them.

xXx

The afternoon was going slow. Blaine had just left work after a 20 hour shift and he was really looking forward to go home, shower and get some of Tina's cooking before he went to sleep for days. It was freezing outside and when the snow every now and then decided to drop by it fell like soft cotton balls to cover his black peacoat.

The moment he was back in the apartment he texted Tina that he was home and rushed to the shower. He knew that if he sat down he would never be able to get himself off the couch and he wouldn't manage to drag his ass to shower before dinner or bed.

Getting to scrub off the feeling of work and the sweat from running to and from the ambulance, rushing people to the hospital and performing CPR on strangers set invisible marks on his body and he always felt like a new person after washing them off. Like a fresh person.

"Hey. You look smashed," Tina chirped as he dashed into the kitchen.

Blaine sat on a kitchen chair and rested his head on his arms lying across the dining table. He watched as she shuffled around the kitchen, clinging with pots and chopping vegetables. He let out a heavy sigh and reminded his eyes that he couldn't fall asleep yet. Luckily the scent of heating food reached his nostrils and stirred his stomach brightly awake, showing him that he couldn't possibly go to sleep without getting something to eat first.

"Yeah. Long shift. Same old. But we had a kid falling from a tree. He broke his leg, and not in a pretty way," Blaine told as he sat straight and rubbed his palms over his face.

"Sounds painful," she said with a grimace.

They continued to chat about work while she finished their supper. She told about a patient of hers that she had to send to surgery and Blaine told about how he had helped a man who had gone into adrenaline-shock after a crash on his bike.

When they were done eating they cleaned the table together and went to the living room to fall on the couch and watch some random TV. There wasn't much interesting on so they settled for some talent show with mediocre singing voices and emotional judges.

"I was thinking... did you ever consider cutting down on work and maybe go out to meet some people who aren't, you know, paramedics or firefighters or doctors? Gay guys, perhaps," Tina asked when some dating show started.

"What? Nah, I'm cool," Blaine shrugged and made himself more comfortable in his end of the couch.

"I just figured it's been a long time, Blaine. I don't want to see you end up being the guy who's married to his work," Tina said and turned to lie on her back so she could look at him instead of the TV.

"Don't you miss having a boyfriend?" She asked.

She wasn't trying to push him, she wasn't intruding. She was simply worried about him, and he knew it. She had been for a long time. It was quite a while since he and his ex had gone their separate ways and he had turned to work instead, thinking that he could use the money for savings, and since he loved his job and his colleagues it wasn't a problem to spend much time in the ambulance.

"I don't really think about it, honestly. I mean – I get what I... need... from Kurt, but it's cool to just get that and then go home. Then I don't have to think about someone waiting for me at home, unless I have something planned with you. It's quite a great deal, actually."

Blaine was curled up with his knees under his chin as he was leaning against the armrest of the couch. He rubbed his shoulder against the upholstery. His eyes were itching from being awake for so long and he knew that he should get his ass to bed, but he was so damn comfortable and his limbs would surely refuse to support him through the apartment.

"I've been thinking about that," Tina said quietly, her eyes flickering to the screen, avoiding to look Blaine in the eyes.

"About what?"

"About that thing with you and that Kurt guy. I think you should maybe re-think it," she suggested, clearly nervous about vocalizing her thoughts on the matter.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, now his full attention on his friend and his forehead in confused lines.

Tina closed her eyes and drew a heavy sigh before she sat up. She worried her lower lip between her teeth and finally looked back to him.

"I'm just really afraid of what this could lead to. He's married; he's in the closet. You'll get so hurt. It's always the same. They never leave their wives and he's our age – the chances of him coming out is zero to none," she blabbered out, sadness and concern filling her voice.

Blaine was stunned. He had no idea why she would even think something like that. He had actually thought that she had forgot about Kurt altogether. He had told her that he was having sex with Kurt every now and then, but they had never really talked about it, so he just guessed that she had pushed it out of her mind.

"Tina, what are you even saying? It's just sex. I'm just helping the guy get comfortable in his own skin," Blaine said awkwardly.

"Blaine... I know you – you always tell yourself that things will be cool, but then you suddenly find yourself in way too deep. I can't see you go through being 'the other man' for him. That's not you. You've always been so strongly against cheating," she tried, a little harder this time.

"This is different. Kurt has completely lost his identity. He is caught in a marriage with someone he can't be intimate with – not because he doesn't want to, or because she doesn't want to; but because he is married to a she. I'm just trying to help him figure out his life and who he is," Blaine explained, best as he could.

"By having sex with him? That's a new form of therapy," Tina grunted.

"Tina, don't be a dick about this. I'm not asking you to understand or anything, I'm just asking you to accept that I wanna help this guy. Hopefully he will get himself together enough to be honest about who he is," Blaine said, starting to get annoyed. It wasn't fair of her to judge him on this. He was really just trying to help the guy.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm trashed and I have to sleep before I'll start scratching my eyes out," Blaine grunted and stood up.

He didn't wait for her to reply, just headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was almost too tired to lift the purple toothbrush, but he forced through. After washing his face he went directly to his room where he let his clothes fall to the floor so he could crawl under the layers of comforter and blankets.

When his head hit the pillow he had been pretty damn sure that he would fall directly into a pitch black sleep without much thought for anything, but for some reason his eyes felt wide awake as he was hidden by the darkness filling his room.

He hadn't planned on Kurt sneaking into his thoughts. He had come to the conclusion that he enjoyed watching Kurt get dressed when they were done. The times Kurt had to hurry home or to work or something else and Blaine didn't have anything more important to do than chill back on the bed. He would rest his head back on his arms and watch as Kurt drifted around the room to pick up his belongings and pull his clothes back on.

The way his movements were soft and smooth, even after he had been thoroughly fucked. Even when he was tired and still a little edgy because he felt guilty Kurt managed to keep smooth features and delicate lines. Blaine liked observing him when he didn't close the door to the bathroom properly so Blaine could see him wash his face and hands.

It wasn't exactly what he had expected to be the kind of things he would be thinking of if Kurt entered his thoughts before going to bed. More something along the lines of their naked encounters of sweaty hands sliding over bodies, erect dicks pulsing with need and begging groans, pleading for more.