Blaine was shifting nervously on the bed. He had been all evening and Kurt was starting to get worried. It had been two weeks since Blaine's revelation and they hadn't had much time to see each other in private because of a lot of school work and Kurt had taken on work at the tire shop to make some money for his New York-fund.

It was Saturday night and they had agreed to not do anything but be together. They had finished all of their homework and domestic tasks over the day so they were sure nothing would stop them. Burt and Susan had even taken a night out for a date and they had talked about Blaine just sleeping in Kurt's bed for the night.

Now they were lying on the bed and for some reason Blaine was keeping a little distance and he kept shifting and twisting on the bedspread. It wasn't like he was lying on the complete other side of the bed, but he hadn't wrapped himself around Kurt the way he used to do it.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked and rested his cheek on the back of his hand. He looked softly to his boyfriend instead of the TV screen and hoped that there was nothing to be concerned about.

“'M fine,” Blaine muttered and moved a little to adjust himself against the pillow in his back. He watched the people dancing around on the screen, trying to get a better position, but it didn't help.

He shortly glanced to Kurt's side and saw that he was watching him instead of the movie. His eyes were bright and observing, and his attention was nowhere near the screen. Blaine wondered how long he had been watching him like that.

“What's wrong?” He asked.

“It's just... you've been so weird all night. Did I do something?” Kurt looked nervous, a bit scared, actually.

Blaine turned in his seat, facing Kurt now instead of the TV. He wasn't sure what to say or do. He didn't want Kurt to think that he did anything wrong, because he really hadn't. Quite the opposite.

“Do something? No. Not at all. I'm just... tired,” he tried, knowing that it wouldn't be enough.

But what was he supposed to say? “I'm keeping my distance because I'm afraid I'll ravish you” - surely that wasn't a way to take the conversation.

“Blaine come on, talk to me. You won't even let me close to you. You keep moving away from me. I've been so excited to be with you tonight, but it feels like... something is wrong,” Kurt said and put the movie on pause.

He sat up and waited for Blaine to do the same. They were having this conversation. He was not leaving it behind to watch the movie and act like nothing happened.

“I'm sorry. Nothing is wrong. It's just... stupid -” Blaine stammered and started playing with a fold in the bedspread.

It didn't make it any easier that Kurt had chosen to wear his pajamas of a tight, black t-shirt and plaid bottoms that was a bit tight on his ass and crotch but still baggy nonetheless. Blaine couldn't stop wondering what it would feel like to hold his hands on Kurt's ass covered by the soft cotton.

Kurt didn't look convinced. He arched an eyebrow and started chewing on the inside of his lower lip. It was so frustrating that Blaine couldn't just tell him what the problem was instead of wrapping it up and curling in on himself. He really thought they shared everything with each other. He shared everything with Blaine.

“If it bothers you I doubt that it's stupid,” he sighed and tilted his head.

Damn that cute face!

“It's nothing. Really – come 'ere,” Blaine cooed and moved over the bed to put his arm around his boyfriend so he could kiss his jaw, a hope that he could assure him that he had done nothing wrong at all.

His skin started burning from the feeling of Kurt's body pressed close to his own, but he did his best to distract himself by peppering kisses all the way down Kurt's jaw and further down his neck making the boy giggle and writhe in his arms – unfortunately pushing his crotch closer to Blaine's, only serving as fuel for the flames, and it was a battle for Blaine to not let a moan cross his lips.

“Okay. Alright. I believe you. I just wanted to be sure. I've missed being with you. Really being with you, you know -” Kurt giggled and backed his face away so he could kiss Blaine's nose.

The rest of the night they spent with their arms around each other, watching the movie they had picked out, without either of them really seeing it.

Blaine's mind was twirling around the worries of whether Kurt would ever really be okay with what was going on between his legs, and Kurt's brain was buzzing with worries of what could be troubling Blaine – because there really was no way he would believe that Blaine was simply tired. He had been bouncing and silly all afternoon.

xXx

Kurt had known that Blaine was different since the first time he met him. Usually boys Blaine’s age were a lot more energetic and curious, they would be caught up in sports or TV shows or something else that would make them full of life and beams. They would do all the things their mother said they shouldn’t and they would ask questions grown-ups couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give an answer to.

However; Blaine was nothing like that. He was shy and introverted. He had been sitting politely at the table during dinner and worked his cutlery with more manners and skill than anyone Kurt had ever seen. He followed the rules of dinner parties such as only sipping to his drink when the host did and kept his elbows off the table. He didn’t ask Kurt intruding questions into his personal life and he only talked when he was addressed. To put it light; Kurt had been impressed, and even though Blaine was silent and seemed pondering Kurt had quickly taken him to heart.

Now that was two years ago and Kurt was still trying to deal with the information of just exactly how different Blaine was. A lot had happened over the past two years since that evening in August where Kurt had shaken Blaine’s hand for the first time and noticed that his skin was incredibly soft.

For example - their parents were married, their rooms were only separated by a bathroom, they were in the same school - and they were secretly boyfriends.

All of that wasn’t a problem. On the contrary; Kurt felt really good about it. Yet it had been almost three weeks since Blaine had confessed the biggest secret of his life to him and Kurt had no idea how he felt about it.

He loved Blaine. Much more than he could ever tell, and he was pretty sure that the confession only had made him love Blaine even more, because sharing such a private piece of information with someone took a lot of trust and courage in such proportions that Kurt couldn’t even make up something to compare it to.

But as amazing as that was it also put a completely new set of lines for him, for their relationship, but Kurt wasn’t exactly sure what those lines consisted of.

Kurt had always known that the first time he had sex it should be with someone he trusted, someone he knew wouldn’t leave him after a few rounds - someone he felt connected with. Later he knew that that someone was Blaine.

Although, it was difficult when Blaine was a lot younger than he was. Blaine had only just turned 15 and Kurt would soon turn 18. It didn’t seem like much, but to Kurt it was. He kept reminding himself that Blaine had only just hit puberty, he had only just crossed the line from child to teenager. He was still struggling - and now Kurt understood better than ever why his struggling seemed so much harder than others.

It was hard for Blaine to deal with his situation, his difference, but Kurt would not let it be something that would change anything between them, because he didn’t see any reason to.

The thing was that during the weeks leading up to Blaine telling him about his secret Kurt had slowly caught himself fantasizing about how it would be to have sex with Blaine. He wanted it and it was getting harder to resist. He dreamed about it at night and woke up in the middle of the night with desperation filling his pants. When he was close to Blaine he was sometimes afraid to touch him because the feeling of Blaine’s skin on his could be enough to send his brain into an uncontrollable fog.

And it didn’t make it any easier that he knew that Blaine wanted it too.

But the images Kurt used to have of Blaine when he imagined what it would be like to be naked and close with him didn’t add up with the reality of how Blaine would look like naked, so now all of Kurt’s fantasies had fallen to the floor and he had no idea what to expect of one day seeing Blaine naked, so whenever his imaginations took over he returned to the old images but it made him feel bad, because no matter how much he had always wanted that part he would not have it for as long as he wanted Blaine.

What Blaine had to offer in the physical aspect of their relationship was what Kurt had sought away from when he had tried educating himself on the physicality he was craving. When he had watched movies he had sought away from the female aspects, when he had read online or looked at photos it was the same. He knew nothing about the female part of physicality.

Blaine wasn’t female, Kurt was sure of that. He was muscly and had broad shoulders. He had dark hairs on his arms and his jaw was strong. His voice was lower than Kurt’s own and his scent was manly. There could never be any doubt that Blaine was the boy Kurt had always known he was.

Yet, now Kurt needed to get acquainted with the female aspect of physicality as well. Or did he? He had always rushed to get away whenever there were pictures or drawings of female genitalia in books or online, or in movies or in sex ed class. He found them creepy and spooky. Male genitalia was much more for Kurt because he knew exactly what they were, how they felt and how to make them feel good - he had never been with anyone but he still had first-hand-experience, to put it very literally.

But Blaine had said that he wanted - both. That he wanted to feel pleasure from both sides, when Kurt had only ever considered one, and it was scary, because he wanted to make Blaine feel good - not just with sex, but also about himself and his body. And would there be anything worse than if Kurt turned down that part of him that he was most ashamed of about himself?

No. Now he had to figure out a way to at least pretend he could be okay with it, because that would make Blaine happy, and if anyone should be happy it should be Blaine.

Luckily it wasn’t going to be until in a long time.

Even though he had considered suggesting for them to be together the first time before he left for New York, or the first time Blaine would visit him there. Now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

xXx

Kurt hadn’t taken distance from Blaine after his breakdown where he had put down the entire bold truth of himself. If anything, Kurt had become more cuddly and seemed to want closeness more than ever. There even was a night they had been watching TV with their parents and Kurt snuck his fingers between Blaine’s and put his head on his shoulder even though they had agreed to keep that for their alone time.

It made Blaine happy to know that Kurt really had meant the things he had said that night. He didn’t think Kurt would ever lie to him, but a mean little voice in the back of his head was still whispering words of doubt every now and then.

The problem, however, was that Blaine’s physical need hadn’t died out. In fact, it had grown stronger. But now Kurt knew about him, about his difference, and maybe that meant that Kurt wouldn’t want to have sex with him before Blaine was thirty - and that might only be anal. Which wasn’t where he was heating up every time he looked at Kurt or felt his hands or tongue.

He wanted to discuss it with him, but he wasn’t sure Kurt would be ready for it. He had already been fearsome of sex when he thought Blaine’s anatomy was like the average teenage boy’s, so now he could only understand if that had increased. What Blaine needed was an excuse to take it up without it having to be about them - which was hard enough. How was he supposed to start a discussion about sex when anything remotely sexually was awkward and stumbly for them?

For now Blaine had to settle for stolen moments in the middle of the night when he was alone in the dark and fire was slicking up his skin. The only way to keep it at bay, he had found, was to close his eyes and imagine his hands to be Kurt’s as he tweaked his nipples and rubbed his clit persistently before imagining Kurt’s cock filling him while he pumped his fingers in and out of himself.

It simply wasn’t enough. Some nights his moans of pleasure turned into crying of despair with Kurt’s name falling blabbering from his mouth with the thought that even though Kurt knew his secret and wasn’t disgusted by it he would never be attracted to it.

Blaine was miserable.

xXx

Kurt scrunched his nose. He was glad the entire house was asleep and he was glad he had chosen to turn off the lights before he crawled into bed and turned on his laptop.

Now he was safely hidden by the dark as he was browsing through the dark corners of the internet-jungle where no gay man had ever stepped foot: straight porn!

It was weird. He did his best to look away from the exposed, overly enlarged breasts of the young bleach dyed women with way too long metallic pink nails and a weird idea that sucking lollipops during intercourse was brilliant.

That wasn’t what he was there for. The previous night he had browsed through the anatomical medicinal aspects of the female genitalia. He had read through the entire article on Wikipedia and on a few medicinal websites. His head was spinning like crazy and his mouth was dry as he went to bed, completely unable to sleep after all of that clinical information, and haunted by creepy drawings with pointers and Latin terms of the different parts.

Now he had decided that he needed to - watch. See the most common ways of pleasuring and what brought the most pleasure. Unfortunately he had a tough time focusing, feeling dizzy and nauseous, so he stopped the video. It was much easier for him to focus on the man of the video, but whenever he started feeling aroused by the sight of the naked man he felt guilty - because the point of this was for him to teach himself to be comfortable with Blaine.

“Kurt? What are you doing?” A voice suddenly sounded.

Blaine was in his room, staring at him as he was watching straight porn. In panic Kurt gasped and pulled the comforter over his laptop to hide the screen.

“Nothing! I - nothing,” he stammered out, his nerves tingling as Blaine closed the door behind him and walked towards the bed.

“Kurt - were you just…” Blaine asked, not sure what exactly it was he had seen on Kurt’s screen.

“I was just - for biology; you know,” Kurt tried, already knowing that Blaine would never believe that.

He was proven right as Blaine crawled into the bed and removed the sheets from the screen, revealing the porn site he had been browsing for videos, with the words “vagina pleasure” in the search bar.

“Straight porn?” Blaine asked quizzically with a raised eyebrow, not knowing whether he should laugh or cry, wen Kurt hurried to snap the computer closed.

“I’m sorry. Okay? This is just - all this is just so much. I wanna be okay with this, and I wanna be good for you. And I just wanna - and I’ve tried researching - but I don’t know what to do,” Kurt blabbered out and his his face in his hands. Shame was coursing through his body and the frustration had tears brimming his eyes. All he wanted to do was be a good boyfriend to Blaine.

“So you watched straight porn? For me? Oh Kurt,” Blaine cooed and forced Kurt’s hands away from his face, overwhelmed by affection from the love this attempt had to be born from.

Blaine took a moment to look at Kurt with a smile before he cupped his face in his hands so he could kiss him deeply, his thumbs brushing caring over his cheeks.

“I just wanna know how to be good to you,” Kurt cried.

He was still embarrassed, but not as much anymore now that he was being held in Blaine’s arms. The place he knew that he would never have to be embarrassed about anything ever again.

“Kurt, you are good to me. I mean, you love me so much you looked at naked girls for me - that takes a lot of love!” Blaine chuckled and was happy that he could elicit a sniffed giggle from Kurt.

“Why are you even here? You should be asleep,” Kurt sighed and ran a hand down Blaine’s arm. God he loved those arms.

“I should, but I couldn’t. I missed you, so I figured I would sneak into your bed. I knocked the door, but when you didn’t respond I thought you were sleeping so guessed I could just crawl in to snuggle you - apparently you were busy elsewhere,” Blaine said and ended with a smirk.

“Don’t even dare to use that against me,” Kurt warned with a pointy finger to the tip of Blaine’s nose.

With a heavy sigh he put the laptop on the floor next to his bed and slipped down under the comforter with his eyes locked in Blaine.

“Well? I thought you said that you wanted to snuggle me,” Kurt said, and Blaine’s body turned warm before he grinned and hurried under the covers to put his arm around Kurt with his one leg over Kurt’s and his chin on Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt turned his head to press a kiss to Blaine’s lips before they silently agreed that it was time to sleep. However, neither of them fell asleep, but instead they kept each other in warm embraces until Kurt suddenly spoke.

“I ehm - I’ve got an idea. To how this could be… I don’t know what to say. To maybe make this easier,” he said, voice nearly a whisper. He wasn’t sure if this was crossing the boundaries but he didn’t know what else to do.

“Feel free to say no. I will completely understand if you don’t want to. It was just a thought and I figured it might be good for both of us and -"

“Kurt, just tell me what it is. If I’m not up for it I’ll tell you. I promise,” Blaine said and tightened his grip on Kurt’s waist, his entire body thrilling with the excitement of what this proposition could be.

“Okay - wow.” Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes with a hope that he wasn't going to make Blaine run away screaming.

“I was thinking that… the next time our parents are gone - maybe we could try to be close in like… just underwear. So we can feel each other, but not being naked and without it being about sex. But more so we can get comfortable with each other’s bodies, you know. I still wanna wait with having sex… I just want to be comfortable about the thought now so it won’t build up as this huge scary fear and I'll make it worse than it is,” Kurt rushed out.

He was ready to hide. Now he couldn’t imagine why on earth he would say such a stupid ass thing.

Blaine slipped his leg away from Kurt’s so he could squeeze his thighs hard together. The heat hadn’t even been building, it had just flamed up instantly. It was unbearable.

“Yes! I mean; sure. That’s a really good idea,” he mumbled as he tried cooling down his thoughts.

He imagined himself in nothing but his underwear, a little baggy on the front from the lack of fill, but perfectly tight on his ass. His torso naked and pressed against Kurt’s own naked torso, with their taut nipples grazing each other as Kurt pressed his clothed crotch against Blaine’s. His dick so big and hard that Blaine’s boxers were soaked between his legs and he couldn’t help but swing his leg over Kurt’s hip to pull him closer with a need for more.

But no; that wasn’t what this was about. This was about helping Kurt to be comfortable about Blaine, the rest would have to wait until later. So he squeezed his legs a little tighter together and caught a whimper in his throat.

“Okay. But still… no sex. This is just experimental,” Kurt murmured embarrassed, still a little surprised of his own idea.

“Of course. It’ll just be good to - feel you,” Blaine assured him and his kissed his jaw.

Let's see how this goes, Blaine thought with a smile on his lips before he fell asleep.