He didn't think and it was stupid because it was against the only rule of their relationship, besides the one about being close in public. Or – he hadn't exactly gone against the no-hands-policy in the literal form of the term at least, but it was enough nonetheless.

They were home alone again. Kurt's dad was in Washington and Blaine's mom was working late. Kurt had come home early from his shopping spree with Rachel and Blaine had come home early from his homework date with Tina. Kurt had showed him all his newly bought items and they had taken their time to have fun while cooking dinner together. After cleaning up they had put on a movie and now they were in Blaine's bed and had agreed that Kurt might as well sleep there.

All lights had been put out and they had said goodnight to each other, now moving closer for their last kiss of the day. But somehow the kiss grew deeper and stronger, and suddenly hands were pressing chests closer together. Before Blaine knew it he had his crotch pressed against Kurt's – and Kurt didn't back away. On the contrary he was going hard and Blaine could feel it, the resistance making his breathing rise and his crotch turned damp and hot.

To his surprise Kurt pressed back with a moan into Blaine's mouth and all Blaine could do was simply take it and feel the throbbing need grow. But the pleasure was brief because Kurt abruptly backed away.

"Oh Blaine no. We can't do this. We agreed on... oh no," he murmured, upset with himself that he had lost control for even a second. He wanted Blaine so bad, he was going insane by the thought, but it wasn't right this way. He wanted it to be perfect – and he wanted Blaine to have a chance of being sure that he was doing the right thing for himself. He still had quite a few teenage years to go.

"Maybe I should just... go sleep in my own bed tonight," he suggested and started getting up, but Blaine grasped around his arm and pulled him back into their nest of the comforter.

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... you know. Please stay," he apologized.

And Kurt stayed. They didn't talk anymore about it but exchanged a quick peck on the lips before going to sleep like nothing had happened, yet it felt like everything had happened.

xXx

It repeated itself. Again and again.

They could be on the couch or on the bed, cuddling or watching TV or just talking – and suddenly they would be kissing heatedly and grinding their crotches against each other, Kurt just as into as Blaine and sometimes he was even the one to start it.

It wasn't much, but damn if it isn't felt so incredibly good. Especially when they were in their pajamas and the fabrics were nothing but thin layers to separate them. Sometimes Blaine was afraid that he was going to come just from Kurt rubbing himself against him.

But it was driving him mad. The more they rutted against each other, the more Blaine needed for Kurt to actually touch him. However, on the other hand he knew that he was lucky that it didn't seem like Kurt had noticed anything different about him yet. He simply couldn't take that risk.

That was also why he was currently lying in the dark under his covers with his underwear in a pool on the mattress, and his fingertips sliding teasingly around his chest, fleetingly brushing his nipples, before taking up the original path downwards.

He had never done it before and he had no idea what to do but he needed it badly. He felt so empty and he was sure that if he didn't do something soon to at least keep the craving at bay he would break down crying the next time he could feel Kurt's skin against his own.

So he felt the toned muscles of his abdomens and let his fingers follow the path of coarse hair from his bellybutton to the line where the waistband of his underwear should be. He had made sure to shave in the shower after dinner, promising himself to make the exploration of himself as comfortable as possible.

The skin was softer than he had imagined and he thanked heavens that he had been able to discretely buy a proper razors earlier that day since he had never shaved before either. He had simply not seen any reason to.

Yet, right now his legs were bent with his feet safely on the mattress and his knees pressed together. Even if he hadn't been hidden safely under his covers he was sure he wouldn't have dared looking down on the smooth V that his fingers were currently curling against, but it didn't stop his index finger from tryingly seek towards where his thighs met and he knew the skin would be parting.

He forced himself to relax his legs a little, the nerves under his skin shivering by the thought of what he was doing, but the thoughts of Kurt in naked and touching himself – or maybe touching Blaine with his slender fingers and warm palms.

It only took him a moment of concentrating on his breathing and convincing himself to imagine that it was Kurt's fingers and not his own that was sliding down his vulva, and with his eyes squeezed hard he slowly parted his legs slightly to make room for his finger to find the top of the slit that was waiting for him.

His first thought was how different the skin on the inside of his folds felt compared to the skin on the outside. It was hotter and more slick – rough without really being it. He was moist all the way to the top of the slit, the little nub that had to be his clitoris hard and waiting, making shivers run down his spine as he grazed over it in his quest downwards to feel it all before doing anything more.

It was warmer the further down his finger came and he nearly whimpered when he reached the opening that was gaping and wet, making his fingertip feel soaked. He turned cross-eyed under his eyelids as he experimentally dipped his finger inside and involuntarily felt the muscle of his rim tighten around the intrusion.

He let the finger out again and had it be joined by a second finger to slick it the tip of that one up as well, but quickly added a third just to be sure. With a heavy inhale he dragged his hand back up and carefully pressed his fingers down on his clit.

A surprise huff of breath ran from his lips from the contact but he didn't remove his fingers. Instead he slowly started to move them up and down, apprehensively rubbing the way he had done on top of his underwear and he felt his nerves tighten under his skin and his triceps were moving noticeably with his every move.

It wasn't just the temperature in his room and under his comforter that felt like it had rose to hell-height. His face felt like it was completely ablaze and he was starting to think that the speed of his blood rushing in sex was unhealthy. He could feel it throb and was starting to wonder if he really could hear the blood in his ears.

Without noticing it his fingers had increased their speed and was pressing just a little harder. Images of Kurt's naked chest and his exposed neck was rushing to his brain. The sound of Kurt's breathing and the feel of his breath on his lips. The way Kurt pressed his lips against Blaine's and the determination of which his tongue danced around his mouth, like he was trying to make sure he would never forget the taste of him.

But the most vivid image was the one of Kurt closing his hand around his semi-hard dick, wet and white with soap, but his head a glistening, pink bulb with a size that would never fit inside of Blaine's body without ripping him open, but it only made his other hand slide down his hip and between the soft skin of his legs to terrified push two fingers against the needy hole.

"Oh god," he moaned under his breath as he felt the heat run out of control along with the fingers moving up and down on his clitoris with pressure that should be too hard for the sensitive spot.

It was like he couldn't stop anymore, and with the thought of how it would feel to have Kurt kissing down his his collarbone while slowly splitting his hole open with his fully hard erection, the head forcing itself inside of him, it was like all nerves suddenly was electrocuted with his pussy the center, his thighs slamming together with a force that made his knees burn and his entrance squeezing around the fingers that only had reached with the tips inside.

"Oh god. Kurt... please," he whimpered as his head flew to the side and pressed his face into the fluffy pillow, muffling the sound that had still felt like it would wake up the entire house.

Every cell in him tensed, but way too quickly started to cool back down. As his muscles started to feel like mush his brain was cramping and his eyes squeezed hard to dark slits. His breathing had been reduced to a panting and he only now realized that a thin layer of sweat had spread on his forehead.

Slowly he let his hands struggle their way out of the trap of his legs tightening around them. He could feel the slickness running with his fingers up his skin and he didn't know if he found it disgusting or hot. Both, probably. All he was certain of, and able to wrap his mind around, at that moment, was that the sensation he had just felt was too good to rob himself off again.

His head was swimming and it was like all energy had been sucked out of him. He fumbled around for his boxer briefs and quickly pulled them on. He felt dirty and sated. He knew that he should go wash his hands, but he couldn't stand the thought of maybe running into his mom or Burt in the hall – or even worse; Kurt.

He knew that they wouldn't be able to see it on him, but he was sure that if he was faced with Kurt now he would blush and not be able to look him in the eyes. Suddenly he was glad that Kurt would be busy all day in the morning.

As soon as he had his underwear back on and dried his fingers properly in a bunch of the wetwipes he kept in the drawer of his desk he curled up to a ball safely hugged by the darkness in his room.

If only Kurt could ever be the one to give him that feeling.