Blaine felt himself slowly turn happier day by day. He had much more energy and was way more up for joking around. He knew that Sebastian had noticed and was enjoying it, but also Tina and Mike seemed to be paying attention to the way he had blossomed into being much more open and energetic.

It was a relief for him to wake up every morning and feel great, and he realized that the songs he were singing had turned into joyful tunes instead of slow ballads like he usually did. He was enjoying himself and having a good time hanging out with his friends and his boyfriend, and even though he didn't have a plan for his future he didn't let it bug him.

Blaine still had a constant urge to text Kurt but didn't do it. It was strange to know that Kurt was in the same city and that Kurt's number was on his phone but he had no idea what to say without seeming stupid or creepy. So he settled for having him on his mind all the time.

One night Blaine was having a night alone with Tina while Mike was out doing a dancing job. She hadn't mentioned Kurt since she had talked to him in the pub so neither had Blaine. He thought that it was the best way to get around to avoid any problems.

They had ordered in food and was on the couch watching Casanova when the display on Blaine's phone lit up. They had both agreed to keep the night phone-free but he couldn't help peeking out of the corner of his eye as he made sure Tina had her eyes locked on the screen.

It was a text from Kurt.

"Can I ask you something? Without it having to be an opening to anything… dramatic. I'm just curious," Blaine said and Tina looked at him with a confounded gaze.

She chewed a little on her lower lip before she nodded and waited for what was about to come.

"Why is it you have so much against me talking to Kurt again?" Blaine asked quietly. He had been wondering about it ever since the first day he had talked to Kurt at the pub. In some way he felt like he already knew the answer, but this way he could get a chance to explain to her why it wouldn't do any harm.

Tina didn't look surprised. She had been waiting for this moment, and she knew that it was inevitable that they would have this conversation sooner or later.

"It's not that I have anything against you talking. It's more that I - I'm afraid that you'll get hurt again. I will never forget how hurt you were when he left; and then again when he stopped writing you. I just can't watch you go through that again, and maybe even worse this time. This wasn't just some childhood friendship, Blaine. You loved him so much. And I think you still do -"

"I'm not in love with Kurt!" Blaine spat out before he could stop himself.

"I'm not saying that you are. But no matter what - what if it messes up your relationship with Sebastian? Do you wanna lose him for some boy who hurt you so bad and only just returned to your life after having been absent for so many years?" Tina argued. She wasn't angry that Blaine had snapped at her - she was just as soft and patient as she was before.

Blaine didn't know why but he was boiling on the inside. Tina was surely saying this because she cared about him and wanted to protect him - but why couldn't she see that Kurt wasn't going to hurt him again? They were just friends casually hanging out and talking. No hurt would be caused this time.

He drew a heavy breath and pressed his lips together. He had no idea why it upset him so much that Tina had indicated that he was in love with Kurt, and then she said that it wasn't what she was saying. He was with Sebastian, and he really cared about him. There shouldn't be any doubt about that - besides, he didn't know Kurt anymore. Not really, anyway.

"You know what - I trust you to have a hold of it. But if he hurts you I will have to kick his butt. And he should keep his hands off yours," Tina grinned and poked Blaine in the ribs before she squeezed his hand.

"He has a girlfriend, so I don't think that would happen anyway," Blaine mumbled, a little thrown off course by the remark.

The rest of the night was spent on light talking and laughing. It was nice to have it talked out with Tina, but Blaine already knew that he wouldn't share too much of his time with Kurt with her. Not because he wanted to hide it from her, but because he didn't want her to think something happened between them when nothing was.

When he was in bed he found out his phone to check the texts that were waiting for him.

Kurt: "I was thinking to come see you play again some day. If you will let me of course?"

Blaine smiled and felt a chuckle in the back of his throat. What kind of stupid question was that? Of course he would let him come. They had such a great time the other day, and Blaine had already planned to ask if they could meet again some time soon. He just hadn't expected Kurt to want to come see him sing again.

Blaine: "Sure. That would be cool. I'll text you an address tomorrow."

Yes. He was going to spend time with Kurt again.

xXx

This time Kurt was waiting at the bar when Blaine sat down at the piano. He looked like he had been there for a while and he was chatting lively with the bartender. The second Blaine started playing he silenced and kept his gaze locked on Blaine.

It was hard for Blaine to concentrate and he kept his eyes on Kurt the entire time. Kurt kept smiling at him while twisting a napkin in his hands. He didn't pay attention to any of the other guests, but every now and then accepted a refill from the bartender. After each song he soundlessly clapped his fingertips together for Blaine to see and Blaine grinned at him from the piano.

As soon as he finished he met Kurt at the bar. They started walking down the sidewalk without any particular direction. Neither of them said anything but it didn't matter. It was May and the wind was nice and cool on their faces, but they weren't cold. There were a lot of people on the street for a Thursday night so even if they had been talking it would have been difficult to keep up a real conversation.

Instead Blaine simply enjoyed the feeling of having Kurt walking next to him, and he didn't really care where they were going or what they would be doing. All that mattered to him was that they were there together.

Kurt stopped in front of a small French café and declared that they had the best crepes in all of New York so they decided to split. They both agreed that it would be a shame to sit inside on such a lovely evening, so they brought their crepes and a cup of coffee each to sit on a bench by a big green area in a park across the street.

"You were there early today," Blaine said in an attempt of getting some sort of talk going. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice as much as possible so he guessed that he had to break open a conversation.

"Yeah. It was so amazing the last time that I wanted to catch the full show tonight. I'm glad I did," Kurt smiled and crossed his legs. He tilted his head lightly as he stared at Blaine with sparkly eyes.

"It's so weird seeing you like this. All grown up, being an adult, like… you just seemed like you grew up in all of those fancy places where I just - go to play, to make sure I can eat," Blaine said shyly and kept his attention locked on a couple playing with their dog, hoping that Kurt wouldn't notice how shy he was.

Blaine hadn't been able to stop looking at how amazing Kurt looked in the suit he was wearing. Tonight it was silver with matching tie and a light blue shirt; all of it perfectly highlighting his eyes. He looked stunning and Blaine was completely absorbed in the view.

"I know what you mean. It's so - odd. The memory I have of you is this… cute little boy in your pajamas sticking out your tongue at Miss Pillsbury because she wouldn't let you go outside because it was raining, and now we're grown-ups," Kurt chuckled back at him.

"I didn't want to grow up without you, Blaine," he said softly and looked away. It made Blaine's stomach turn over a few times and he had to swallow.

"But here you are; serving drinks to people, playing grand pianos, wearing suits - and still with bowties and combed hair. Even though you're older you're still the same, still the Blaine I knew," Kurt said, and it was almost as if he turned sad.

For some reason it was like a heavy cloud had covered them. Blaine couldn't figure out if it was a dark cloud, but he realized that just as well as he hadn't told Sebastian about Kurt he hadn't told Kurt about Sebastian either, and this sudden talk about being grown up made him feel guilty.

Kurt didn't know that he was gay and he was terrified to tell him. Blaine had no idea what Kurt had told his girlfriend so he decided that he would try steering the conversation into the subject to maybe make it easier to come by.

They continued watching the couple with their dog until they left. Now Blaine and Kurt were completely alone in the park. The only light there was were the lamps twisting along the side of the path and somehow the darkness made the noise from the city seem distant.

"What does your girlfriend say about you coming to see me play? Did you tell her about - you know, our story-thing?" Blaine asked awkwardly and wished that he had known how to word it differently. He avoided Kurt's eyes and was afraid that he had crossed the privacy line too soon.

There was a long pause where neither them said anything, and Blaine started feeling cold. He didn't like the silence between them. It was uncomfortable and nerving, and he was just waiting for Kurt to up and leave, but suddenly - as if out of nowhere, Kurt laughed and Blaine stared confused at him.

"Girlfriend? What do you - girlfriend?" Kurt asked with a giggle, and Blaine felt his face go red.

"Well it was just - you were hanging out with that dark haired girl, and you were holding hands and she kissed you before she left so I just figured that -" Blaine blabbered frantically out, embarrassment taking over his everything. Why was it so funny that he had thought she was his girlfriend? It was an honest mistake.

He stopped. His words completely failed him and he felt paralyzed on the spot. Kurt had moved close to him and was holding a hand lightly on his wrist while holding Blaine's eyes locked with his own.

"That was Rachel. My best friend - Blaine, I'm… gay," Kurt said softly. He wasn't laughing anymore. He was serious and his eyes were shining intensely through the dark. It nearly felt like he had been holding his breath while waiting to tell him.

"I uhm… so am I," Blaine revealed in return. His voice was low and weak, nearly a whisper. It was like time had stopped around them and the volume of the world had been turned so low that it had nearly disappeared.

Kurt moved his hand away but stayed where he was sitting. Close to Blaine. He looked up to the sky as if he was hoping for something to drop from the clouds, but when nothing did he looked to his hands instead.

"That's one of the things I miss the most by being in New York. The stars. I don't remember when it was the last time I saw the stars," Kurt said quietly. Almost as if their revelations only a minute ago had never happened.

Blaine on the other hand was a mess on the inside.

So Kurt is gay too - that shouldn't mean anything. Does that mean that he's single, now that he's not with that dark haired girl? He would have said if he had a boyfriend, wouldn't he? It doesn't matter! Blaine debated heatedly with himself in his mind.

His first thought was to tell Tina as soon as he got home, but then he remembered that it probably wouldn't be such a great idea - it would possibly only add more fuel to her fire of him being in love with Kurt and he didn't want to go through that again.

Because he wasn't.

"Sure. I miss them too. It's not the same when you're used to the Ohio sky," Blaine mumbled back. He wanted to reach out to put Kurt's hand back on his wrist, but he couldn't do that, so instead he kept looking at Kurt's hands locked in front of him.

When they were at the station Kurt hugged him again, this time a little longer, and then he did the thing with locking his hand around his wrist before leaving. Blaine didn't know why, but it made his heart feel warm.

That night Blaine was he first to text.

Blaine: "I'm glad that you came out early"

Kurt: "Me too. You were extraordinary."

Blaine: "Thanks."

Kurt: "You always have been. Don't forget that, Blaine."

Blaine: "Will you come see me again?"

Kurt: "As long as I don't get kicked out for being a fanboy over you (:"

Blaine chuckled. He was so happy that Kurt liked seeing him perform. He was so happy that Kurt wanted to talk to him - and for some reason he was relieved that Kurt was gay too. Somehow it felt like it was holding them together even after all these years.

xXx

Kurt started coming to see Blaine play at almost all of his playing jobs. It often fell perfectly into place with his rehearsal schedule and Blaine felt more and more relaxed when he was playing in front of Kurt.

He quickly made it to fit with being with Sebastian the nights he was working at the pub so he had the nights he was playing free to spend time with Kurt, and sometimes he simply went to Sebastian's apartment after he said goodnight to Kurt. Mornings and when at work at the pub he spent time with Tina and Mike, so he was grateful that he had found a way to combine everything so he didn't miss being with anyone in his life.

Simply put; his life was close to perfect.

Except for that gnawing feeling in him that had always been haunting him. It had been in him for as long as he could remember, so he had learned how to pretend it wasn't there even though it was constantly hovering over his head.

It made him feel lost and misplaced - it reminded him of when he was little where he and Cooper had been sent to spend a weekend with their grandparents and Blaine had cried all weekend because he was missing their parents. That was the closest thing to a description he had for the feeling: homesick.

He figured that it was the longing for the family he lost so long ago that was the cause, but he had expected it to go away or be toned down now that he was in a family with Tina and Mike - and he had Sebastian, but recently it felt like it was growing and it scared him. He tried pushing it away, but the more he tried to ignore it the worse it got during his calm moments.

His nightmares were worse than they had been for a long time. It was the same as when he was a kid, only now Sebastian had been added to the people who was being swallowed by the flames. Only positive thing was that his nightmares of Kurt leaving him had disappeared.

He had started sleeping at Sebastian's place almost every night. When he woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare he tiptoed to the bathroom where he cried until his throat was sore and his eyes itching. When he felt dehydrated and so tired that he nearly couldn't hold his head up anymore he tiptoed back to bed and buried himself in Sebastian's arms.

Unfortunately even that couldn't keep the bad dreams away and when he woke up in the morning all he wanted was to be left alone so he could cry his fear out into the sheets. Instead he put on a pokerface and excused himself that he wasn't a morning person until the worst shock of the nightly events had cooled off and retreated to the back of his mind.

Sebastian seemed to be worried about him. He seemed worried because he was quiet and sad during the mornings, but when Blaine showed up at his door with a big smile and covered him in kisses in the evening it was like he figured that it probably just was leaving-the-bed-depression.

Blaine hadn't told Tina about the nightmares being so strong lately. He had the feeling that she thought he was feeling guilty over spending so much time with Kurt and that was why he spent the nights in Sebastian's bed. He missed her, and missed being able to tell her everything that was going on in his life like he used to, but he couldn't take her judgmental looks.

Weekends were easy because if he wasn't playing somewhere he was working at the pub which always was a busy event so he didn't have time to constantly turn everything over in his head.

One day Tina proposed that they should do a double date and her suggestion for when they should do it collided with a night he was meeting Kurt. She said that it would be a good night as Blaine was playing in a restaurant during the afternoon, she had a dancing job and Mike had one as well - they would all be dressed up for it already.

Blaine had to stop himself before saying that he couldn't do it that night. If he did that he was certain that Tina would start making up arguments in her head for why he would rather be with Kurt than with his friends and boyfriend. Instead he hoped that Sebastian would be busy that night and he would be spared the problem.

Sebastian was free. He was thrilled about the idea and was looking forward to hanging out with Tina and Mike, so Blaine had to sacrifice himself and told Kurt that he had forgot that he had plans with some friends. Kurt was understanding and said that they could always find another day.

At least he didn't get pissed, Blaine thought relieved.

xXx

The date was awkward. Blaine had no idea what to talk to the others about, so he kept shut, ate his food and listened to them talk about Tina and Mike's upcoming exams and an exhibition Sebastian had been to for work.

Blaine was bored, and kept wanting to text Kurt that he was sorry that he had to cancel. Kurt hadn't been able to come see him play because he had dress rehearsal at the theater so they had planned to do something else over the evening instead and he had really been looking forward to it, but now he was just bummed out.

When dessert was coming up he excused himself to go to the bathroom but snuck outside instead. He hurried out his phone and called Kurt. He didn't answer it right away, so Blaine was just about to hang up when the beeping ended and Kurt's voice sounded.

"Hey. I thought you were with friends tonight?" Kurt's said surprised.

"I am. I was just thinking that… now that I had to cancel tonight you might want to hang out Wednesday instead? I uhm… I'm playing afternoon as well, so I figured we could do something over the evening - if you want? Maybe…" Blaine suggested awkwardly.

He already had an idea of what they should do, but he wanted to keep it as a surprise. There were some things he had always wanted to do with Kurt, and he figured that now they had been back in each other's lives for long enough to actually do this - now he just hoped Kurt would be on board.

"Sure. I can do that. I'm not sure about my schedule next week, but I actually think I am off. Let's do it," Kurt agreed, and Blaine felt a twirling in his body.

They said goodbye and hung up. He couldn't stop grinning to himself by the thought that he would be spending his entire Wednesday with Kurt when he was startled.

"Hey babe. Who're you talking to?" Sebastian's voice sounded from behind him as he put his arms around Blaine and kissed his ear.

"Uhm no one. Just… I just got a playing job this Wednesday, that's all," Blaine blabbered out and turned around to face his boyfriend. He hated himself.

Mean, vicious, horrible hatred was bubbling inside of him, filling his nervous system with acid from lying to Sebastian. He had no idea why he didn't just man up and tell him everything, but something inside him kept holding him back. What was he so afraid of?

"That's great. I'm happy for you. You know that I am really proud of you, right?" Sebastian smiled at him and Blaine looked down.

Why does he have to be so amazing?

He couldn't meet his eyes. Not now. He was standing there being the perfect boyfriend, and Blaine was standing there being the… worst boyfriend.

"Mhm, let's… go back inside, shall we?" Blaine said and let his hand into Sebastian's so he could lead him back to their table without having to look at him.

For the rest of the evening Blaine kept his hand locked strongly with Sebastian's on the table as if to show the world that they were together. He didn't look at him or really say anything at all for the rest of the evening, but stayed quiet and avoided all kind of eye contact.

When they came back to Sebastian's apartment he pushed Blaine against the wall and kissed him. Blaine dozily returned the kiss and let Sebastian's hand wander freely over his body. He let his own hands stay locked on Sebastian's back, pressing their chests close together.

When they reached the bedroom Blaine simply dragged off his suit, folded it neatly and crawled under the sheets in his undershirt and boxers. He couldn't wrap his mind around the thought of changing and going into his elaborate facial cleansing routine.

He closed his eyes and hoped that he would fall asleep soon, but Sebastian turned off the lights and dragged Blaine close. He forced him to turn around and Blaine felt it like Sebastian's eyes were piercing into his.

"Blaine. I'm really worried about you. Sometimes I wake up at night and you aren't there. When we wake up in the morning you seem like you'd rather I just leave you alone, and tonight you were just… strange. Is anything going on?" Sebastian asked softly, and Blaine could feel how uneasy he was. Apparently he hadn't been so good at hiding his troubles as he thought he had.

He was lost for words. He had no idea how to respond to that. He wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to confess everything; how he hadn't told him that his childhood friend was back in his life, how he had been lying to him to spend time with another guy regardless of how innocent it was and how he had this whole part of himself and his life that he had never told him about.

Sebastian's eyes were flickering between Blaine's, like he was hoping that they would tell him Blaine's life story, or at least break the secret of what was going on that he wasn't talking about.

"I… I just have a lot on my plate these days. I'm just stressed, I guess. I'm sorry," Blaine mumbled, but could immediately see that Sebastian didn't believe him.

Sebastian sat up in the bed and turned on the lights. He stared down on him, and for some reason Blaine couldn't keep his focus off the fact that Sebastian wasn't wearing a shirt. He was tanned and muscular, and Blaine couldn't count the times he had kissed those gorgeous collarbones. Sebastian sighed and dragged Blaine out of his train of thoughts as his eyebrows crept to meet over his nose.

He grabbed around Blaine's hand, and for the first time Blaine saw him look truly pained by his worries. Something that made Blaine squeeze his eyes shut to hold the tears in check.

"Blaine, if you don't talk to me, then what am I supposed to do? I know something is bothering you and I wanna be there for you, but how can I if you won't let me in? I know you've been through a lot, and life hasn't been easy for you, but… I just wanna help you to let that be the past, and let now and your future be as good as possible. Let me help you, baby," Sebastian begged and clenched his hand.

He looked like he was giving up. Blaine sure felt like giving up. He wanted to throw his arms around Sebastian, tell him that he loved him and that everything was going to be okay as long as he just had some time - but that was the point; he didn't love Sebastian, no matter how much he tried.

Until now he had hoped that he would be able to start loving him, but nothing had happened yet. Sure, in their time together his affection for him had grown stronger. He cared about him with a burning passion and he had never felt like that for anyone before; and he was sure that what he felt for him was the strongest he could ever feel about anyone. It just wasn't love - so he kept telling himself that maybe love would present itself for him in time. Maybe time was what he needed.

Or maybe it was love, but Blaine didn't know how to recognize it because he was so damaged. Or maybe it was love, but he was incapable of feeling romantic love for anyone, even though that was what they had.

"No, really… I'm fine. I'm just stressed out and having a lot of work these days. I'm just… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, honey. I promise I will try to be better. I guess I could take less shifts or something," Blaine apologized. He was lost. He had no idea what to say or do. He couldn't break his heart, and he couldn't tell him anything to explain what was going on.

Sebastian sighed, and Blaine knew that he didn't think it to be a good enough excuse. Sebastian just had a way of knowing when something was going on, and even though Blaine had always been honest with him, he always knew when something was out of place with Blaine. Yet, Blaine was sure that he wasn't going to push it anymore, and he was right. Sebastian laid down and kissed Blaine's forehead.

"Alright. If you say so. But no, there's no reason for you to do that. You love what you do, just… please don't push me away. I wanna be in your life," he said, and Blaine knew that was the last he was going to say on the matter. He had faced his defeat.

"I want you in my life. I promise I'll be better," Blaine assured him and squeezed his hand between them before he placed a peck on his lips.

They bid each other goodnight, and Blaine turned around to melt into Sebastian's arms around him as Sebastian turned off the lights.