May 19, 2013, 8:37 p.m.
I Know You're Scared It's Wrong: Chapter 7
E - Words: 2,751 - Last Updated: May 19, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 8/? - Created: Oct 17, 2012 - Updated: May 19, 2013 131 0 0 0 0
Kurt hadn't talked to Blaine in four days. He was mad. He couldn't even pretend otherwise. After Blaine had kissed him, Kurt just wanted to move past it. He knew Blaine must have done it in the heat of the moment and that is why he had said it was a mistake afterwards. But while Blaine was in the bathroom Kurt had some time to think, and he realized: Blaine kissed him because he had wanted to. And Kurt now wanted him to admit it. He wanted Blaine to come clean and tell him he had lied. That yes, he wanted more, wanted Kurt. But he hadn't and that angered Kurt. After Kurt left Blaine's house that afternoon he went straight to his room and blasted his music. He needed to think, and music was the only way he could do that. What he came up with, well, he decided that it was best to not talk to Blaine for a few days. So here he was, four days later and he still hadn't spoken to Blaine, and it was really weighing down on him. He missed Blaine, so much, too much. But he needed to be strong and he needed to clear his mind. He mostly just wanted Blaine to realize what he was missing, though.
Blaine called every day and Kurt ignored it. If Blaine didn't know there was anything wrong at the beginning, well he should know by now. He left a few voice mails asking Kurt if he was okay, but Kurt didn't want to call him back. It was all too messy in his head at the moment. He just needed a few more days, then he would call Blaine back and tell him that ‘yes everything is fine' or he would say ‘no it wasn't'. Kurt didn't know which direction he was going in yet, he would know once he actually got around to calling Blaine.
Kurt was deep in thought without actually thinking, when he heard his dad call for him to come downstairs. Getting up from his bed, Kurt walked down the stairs slowly. As soon as his foot touched the last step, Kurt looked up, "Yes Da-" He stopped, his eyes meeting bright golden ones. "Blaine, what are you doing here?" Kurt questioned, a bit hesitantly.
Blaine shifted from foot to foot. "Your father and I have plans today." Blaine replied.
Nodding, Kurt looked around for his dad, who was nowhere to be seen.
"He's in the kitchen." Blaine commented, moving closer to Kurt. "Actually, while we're alone, I just.. I wanted to ask you, why have you been ignoring my calls? I thought everything was okay?" Blaine asked, his eyes wide and questioning.
"Blaine, I'm not-" Kurt started, only to be interrupted by his father, which Kurt was thankful for. But what Kurt did hate, was the sad look Blaine was shooting his way. He needed to talk to Blaine. He knew he did. He just, he wasn't ready just yet.
"Hey, Kiddo." Burt started, after walking from out of the kitchen area, "Blaine and I are going out for dinner. We haven't really had much time to hang out lately, and we want to catch up," Burt said, resting his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "So I hope you will be okay home alone, just for a few hours." Burt finished, raising his eyebrow at Kurt.
"Dad, I will be fine. You boys," Kurt began, his eyes shifting over to catch Blaine's gaze, "have fun."
With a nod, Burt started making his way to the door, looking back as he noticed Blaine had yet to follow, "Coming, Blaine?" Burt questioned, confusion evident in his voice.
"Yeah." Blaine replied, turning his head toward Burt. "I just. The bathroom. I need to go." Blaine stammered, clearing his throat at the end.
"Okay, I'll see you out in the car." Burt announced, walking out of the house and shutting the door as he did so.
Kurt started to walk up the stairs, not really wanting to be out here once Blaine came out of the bathroom. Before he even got to the steps, Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand, halting him from going any further, making Kurt turn around. "Kurt, you do know I was lying about the bathroom, right?" Blaine chuckled, amused. He stopped as soon as he saw the unimpressed look spread across Kurt's face.
"Kurt, what's going on? You've been ignoring me and before you say you haven't, don't. I know you have," Blaine said, in a thick voice. "I don't.. We were so good the other day, and then you just, you don't answer any of my calls, or call me back. I don't know why? You're mad at me, I can tell." Blaine swallowed, looking at Kurt with sad, pleading eyes.
Letting out a deep sigh, Kurt began to speak. "Blaiiiiine." He drawled. "Why are you doing this right now? You're supposed to be leaving with my dad. The dad that doesn't even know we have been hanging out and if he found out that we were keeping it secret and that we were alone in your house. What do you think he would think, Blaine? I'm sure if he had known from the beginning he wouldn't have cared, but we didn't tell him then and I don't even know why. It's not like he would have cared. Maybe now he would, now that it's been a secret for weeks. Okay, no. I am getting off subject." Kurt hurried to say, dropping down onto the last step because he felt like so much was pushing him down, and he needed to sit. "Blaine, you have to go."
Blaine took a seat next to Kurt, looking over at him for a few seconds. "Okay. I just.. We can talk right? Tomorrow. I just need to know why you're upset and this was the only way I could ask because you're not answering my calls, Kurt."
Closing his eyes, Kurt took a few deep breaths, before opening them again, his gaze landing on Blaine once more. "Okay. You have to go now."
Nodding, Blaine stood up, "I can't wait to see you tomorrow." Blaine replied, leaning down to kiss Kurt's forehead, making Kurt suck in a breath and hold back a few tears that wanted to fall from the way Blaine's lips felt on him.
Once Kurt heard the door shut after Blaine had left the house, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Pushing himself up, Kurt took one last look at the door before running up the stairs to his room and calling Rachel. He needed his best friend right now.
-
Burt and Blaine's food had just arrived when Burt asked Blaine what he had been doing these last few weeks. Burt had been busy working a lot lately, thus giving him no time to actually catch up with Blaine. Today was his day off though, so Burt had wanted to see how his old friend was doing, by taking him out to dinner.
Looking up, Blaine swallowed the bit of food he had just taken, "I've just been working. I've sold the rights to one of my songs, and I have been writing so many more. People are taking an interest and I want to get as many done as I can, before I take them to the label and show them." Blaine replied, the excitement evident in his voice. "Yeah, so that is what I have been doing." Blaine finished, moving his food around with his fork.
"Good," Burt said, smiling proudly at Blaine. "I'm so happy for you, I really am. You deserve this. You have so many talents to offer and I am so glad people are finally seeing that." Burt took a bit of his chicken, chewing slowly and swallowing before speaking again. "Now, have you had any dates lately?" Burt questioned.
Just as Burt asked that question, Blaine was taking a sip of water, which now he was choking on. "No. I haven't been on any dates. I'm free as a bird." Blaine hurried to say, looking down at his plate.
"You have to at least like someone though." Burt pushed.
Blaine just looked up and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really know what to say. Yes, he did actually like someone. No, he more than liked someone, he was in love with someone, but he couldn't tell Burt. If he did, he would ask who it was, and that was not a conversation Blaine even wanted to think about, let alone have. He hated lying to Burt, but he knew that if he actually told him, well, things would not be good, so Blaine just decided to keep his mouth closed.
"Ah, okay. Fine, you're just a single guy, still looking." Burt added, laughing softly.
The rest of the evening was spent talking about how Burt's work was going and how they needed to spend more time together and hang out, maybe even catch a football game at some point.
Once they both had finished their meals it was time to go. They both paid their part of the bill and left the restaurant, ready to finally get home and sleep the night away.
-
Kurt hadn't actually told Rachel about any of the kisses with Blaine, and it was really getting to him. He needed to tell her. He just wanted to talk about it and she was his best friend, he knew she would never tell anyone. Once Blaine and his dad had left, Kurt picked up the phone and dialed Rachel's number. When she picked up, he asked her to come over. After she had agreed, he hung up the phone and waited for her to arrive.
Not long after Kurt had called her, Rachel arrived. Opening the door he was met with an armful of Rachel. Pulling himself away, Kurt laughed, gesturing for her to come in. Kurt shut the door and then turned to face her. The look he was greeted with told him she knew something was happening. Her right eyebrow was arched, one of her hands on her hip and a smirk plastered on her face. "Well, well, well, I knew this day would come. I have been waiting a few weeks now. I knew you would come to me when you needed help. And I can help; after all, I know everything there is to know about boys. I have been in a committed relationship with one Finn Hudson for many months now. I'm an expert."
Rolling his eyes, Kurt started walking up stairs, hoping Rachel would follow without actually being told. And just as he thought, she did follow him.
They both took a set on Kurt's bed, Rachel crossing her legs and folding her hands. "Kurt, I know something has been bothering you. When you think I'm not looking I can see you wanting to tell me something, but then you stop yourself. You can tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise."
"I know you won't Rachel, and I'm really glad for that." Kurt wanted to tell her about the kisses, he had been wanting to, but he was scared that if he actually said he kissed Blaine out loud or that Blaine had kissed him, it would jinx his and Blaine's chances, and now he realized how stupid that was. "You know how I was talking to you a few weeks ago, about Blaine?" Kurt questioned. When he got a nod from Rachel he continued. "Well I went and talked to him, like we talked about and then, well, I kissed him." Rachel's mouth dropped open. "I know, I couldn't believe it either, but I did it> It happened and I loved it. It was perfect. And Rachel, it felt so right. We." Kurt took a deep breath. "Blaine and I we just fit. I feel it and I know he does too, but he's scared."
Kurt stayed silent for a few minutes, as did Rachel, which Kurt was very thankful for. Kurt licked his lips before continuing. "So, anyway, after the kiss, Blaine said we couldn't be together and blah blah blah. Things I expected him to say, so I left. I was heartbroken, but I knew I could not give up. The next day I went over to his house. We talked and decided to be friends, which I know he wanted more, which I did too. I thought this would be a good way of us growing and maybe we could grow enough to the point where he would actually want to date me. It was working, Rachel. We were hanging out, every day for weeks. We were bonding and having fun and I was loving it and I was, Rachel, I was falling in love. No, I fell so deep in love that I don't know how to get out of it. I don't want to, either." Kurt applied, deep in thought, thinking of all the times they were together. It brought a pretty big smile to his face.
Kurt was pulled out of his daydream by Rachel clearing her throat. "Sorry." Kurt laughed, ready to get back to the story. "Everything became more, four days ago. I went over to Blaine's house early that morning, after dad left. Blaine made me breakfast and we started playing around, and one think led to another and he kissed. He kissed me, Rachel. I was dumb, I was so dumb. I let him just say it was a mistake. No, I was the one that said it was a mistake. I was in shock and I could not breathe. Everything was so much. But then he went to the bathroom and I got to thinking, that no it wasn't a mistake; it was everything we both want and why shouldn't we just, why can't we just have it? He came back and he just wanted to forget about it and I. Rachel, I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to him since that day. I want him, so badly. I just want to be with him, but he is.. he is.. he's a pussy." Kurt's eyes widened, his hands covered his mouth, and he started laughing loudly. Rachel started laughing along with him.
As soon as the laughter died down, Kurt bit down on his bottom lip and let out a groan of frustration. "What do I do? He wants to talk to me tomorrow about how I have been avoiding him." Kurt dropped his body fully onto the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He felt Rachel soon following him.
"Yeah. I don't know, Kurt. I wish I did. I want to help you, but this is so much." She turned her head to look at him. "Maybe just tell him how you feel? Tell him you want to be with him, and that it's all you can do because of how you feel."
"I don't know, Rachel. I mean, I want to be with him, but I don't want to lose him as a friend. We have become really close these last few weeks. He's amazing, funny and we really do have so many things in common, more than I had known." Kurt closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of his and Rachel's breathing.
"There's your answer, Kurt."
Opening his eyes, Kurt turned his head to look at Rachel. She was right. That was his answer. Kurt hadn't even thought about what losing Blaine as a friend might be like. It would suck more if Blaine wasn't in his life at all. It would suck so much worse if he lost one of his best friends because he wanted to date him. He could live without not dating Blaine if he could at least still have him as a friend. "Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said, with soft eyes. She had helped him, and now he was glad more than ever that he had called her. He was glad to finally get this off his chest and she also helped him realize Blaine's friendship meant so much more to him.
Kurt and Rachel fell into a comfortable silence, both listening to each other's breathing. After a few minutes, Kurt heard a car pull up and he knew immediately that his dad and Blaine were home.
He heard his dad walk into the house. He really hoped his dad and Blaine had a good evening. They both deserved it. A few minutes later his phone beeped with a text.
From Blaine: I cant wait to talk to u tomorrow.
Smiling to himself, Kurt did what he hadn't done in four days, he texted back.
From Kurt: I can't either :)
Kurt hadn't talked to Blaine in four days. He was mad. He couldn't even pretend otherwise. After Blaine had kissed him, Kurt just wanted to move past it. He knew Blaine must have done it in the heat of the moment and that is why he had said it was a mistake afterwards. But while Blaine was in the bathroom Kurt had some time to think, and he realized: Blaine kissed him because he had wanted to. And Kurt now wanted him to admit it. He wanted Blaine to come clean and tell him he had lied. That yes, he wanted more, wanted Kurt. But he hadn't and that angered Kurt. After Kurt left Blaine's house that afternoon he went straight to his room and blasted his music. He needed to think, and music was the only way he could do that. What he came up with, well, he decided that it was best to not talk to Blaine for a few days. So here he was, four days later and he still hadn't spoken to Blaine, and it was really weighing down on him. He missed Blaine, so much, too much. But he needed to be strong and he needed to clear his mind. He mostly just wanted Blaine to realize what he was missing, though.
Blaine called every day and Kurt ignored it. If Blaine didn't know there was anything wrong at the beginning, well he should know by now. He left a few voice mails asking Kurt if he was okay, but Kurt didn't want to call him back. It was all too messy in his head at the moment. He just needed a few more days, then he would call Blaine back and tell him that ‘yes everything is fine' or he would say ‘no it wasn't'. Kurt didn't know which direction he was going in yet, he would know once he actually got around to calling Blaine.
Kurt was deep in thought without actually thinking, when he heard his dad call for him to come downstairs. Getting up from his bed, Kurt walked down the stairs slowly. As soon as his foot touched the last step, Kurt looked up, "Yes Da-" He stopped, his eyes meeting bright golden ones. "Blaine, what are you doing here?" Kurt questioned, a bit hesitantly.
Blaine shifted from foot to foot. "Your father and I have plans today." Blaine replied.
Nodding, Kurt looked around for his dad, who was nowhere to be seen.
"He's in the kitchen." Blaine commented, moving closer to Kurt. "Actually, while we're alone, I just.. I wanted to ask you, why have you been ignoring my calls? I thought everything was okay?" Blaine asked, his eyes wide and questioning.
"Blaine, I'm not-" Kurt started, only to be interrupted by his father, which Kurt was thankful for. But what Kurt did hate, was the sad look Blaine was shooting his way. He needed to talk to Blaine. He knew he did. He just, he wasn't ready just yet.
"Hey, Kiddo." Burt started, after walking from out of the kitchen area, "Blaine and I are going out for dinner. We haven't really had much time to hang out lately, and we want to catch up," Burt said, resting his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "So I hope you will be okay home alone, just for a few hours." Burt finished, raising his eyebrow at Kurt.
"Dad, I will be fine. You boys," Kurt began, his eyes shifting over to catch Blaine's gaze, "have fun."
With a nod, Burt started making his way to the door, looking back as he noticed Blaine had yet to follow, "Coming, Blaine?" Burt questioned, confusion evident in his voice.
"Yeah." Blaine replied, turning his head toward Burt. "I just. The bathroom. I need to go." Blaine stammered, clearing his throat at the end.
"Okay, I'll see you out in the car." Burt announced, walking out of the house and shutting the door as he did so.
Kurt started to walk up the stairs, not really wanting to be out here once Blaine came out of the bathroom. Before he even got to the steps, Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand, halting him from going any further, making Kurt turn around. "Kurt, you do know I was lying about the bathroom, right?" Blaine chuckled, amused. He stopped as soon as he saw the unimpressed look spread across Kurt's face.
"Kurt, what's going on? You've been ignoring me and before you say you haven't, don't. I know you have," Blaine said, in a thick voice. "I don't.. We were so good the other day, and then you just, you don't answer any of my calls, or call me back. I don't know why? You're mad at me, I can tell." Blaine swallowed, looking at Kurt with sad, pleading eyes.
Letting out a deep sigh, Kurt began to speak. "Blaiiiiine." He drawled. "Why are you doing this right now? You're supposed to be leaving with my dad. The dad that doesn't even know we have been hanging out and if he found out that we were keeping it secret and that we were alone in your house. What do you think he would think, Blaine? I'm sure if he had known from the beginning he wouldn't have cared, but we didn't tell him then and I don't even know why. It's not like he would have cared. Maybe now he would, now that it's been a secret for weeks. Okay, no. I am getting off subject." Kurt hurried to say, dropping down onto the last step because he felt like so much was pushing him down, and he needed to sit. "Blaine, you have to go."
Blaine took a seat next to Kurt, looking over at him for a few seconds. "Okay. I just.. We can talk right? Tomorrow. I just need to know why you're upset and this was the only way I could ask because you're not answering my calls, Kurt."
Closing his eyes, Kurt took a few deep breaths, before opening them again, his gaze landing on Blaine once more. "Okay. You have to go now."
Nodding, Blaine stood up, "I can't wait to see you tomorrow." Blaine replied, leaning down to kiss Kurt's forehead, making Kurt suck in a breath and hold back a few tears that wanted to fall from the way Blaine's lips felt on him.
Once Kurt heard the door shut after Blaine had left the house, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Pushing himself up, Kurt took one last look at the door before running up the stairs to his room and calling Rachel. He needed his best friend right now.
-
Burt and Blaine's food had just arrived when Burt asked Blaine what he had been doing these last few weeks. Burt had been busy working a lot lately, thus giving him no time to actually catch up with Blaine. Today was his day off though, so Burt had wanted to see how his old friend was doing, by taking him out to dinner.
Looking up, Blaine swallowed the bit of food he had just taken, "I've just been working. I've sold the rights to one of my songs, and I have been writing so many more. People are taking an interest and I want to get as many done as I can, before I take them to the label and show them." Blaine replied, the excitement evident in his voice. "Yeah, so that is what I have been doing." Blaine finished, moving his food around with his fork.
"Good," Burt said, smiling proudly at Blaine. "I'm so happy for you, I really am. You deserve this. You have so many talents to offer and I am so glad people are finally seeing that." Burt took a bit of his chicken, chewing slowly and swallowing before speaking again. "Now, have you had any dates lately?" Burt questioned.
Just as Burt asked that question, Blaine was taking a sip of water, which now he was choking on. "No. I haven't been on any dates. I'm free as a bird." Blaine hurried to say, looking down at his plate.
"You have to at least like someone though." Burt pushed.
Blaine just looked up and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really know what to say. Yes, he did actually like someone. No, he more than liked someone, he was in love with someone, but he couldn't tell Burt. If he did, he would ask who it was, and that was not a conversation Blaine even wanted to think about, let alone have. He hated lying to Burt, but he knew that if he actually told him, well, things would not be good, so Blaine just decided to keep his mouth closed.
"Ah, okay. Fine, you're just a single guy, still looking." Burt added, laughing softly.
The rest of the evening was spent talking about how Burt's work was going and how they needed to spend more time together and hang out, maybe even catch a football game at some point.
Once they both had finished their meals it was time to go. They both paid their part of the bill and left the restaurant, ready to finally get home and sleep the night away.
-
Kurt hadn't actually told Rachel about any of the kisses with Blaine, and it was really getting to him. He needed to tell her. He just wanted to talk about it and she was his best friend, he knew she would never tell anyone. Once Blaine and his dad had left, Kurt picked up the phone and dialed Rachel's number. When she picked up, he asked her to come over. After she had agreed, he hung up the phone and waited for her to arrive.
Not long after Kurt had called her, Rachel arrived. Opening the door he was met with an armful of Rachel. Pulling himself away, Kurt laughed, gesturing for her to come in. Kurt shut the door and then turned to face her. The look he was greeted with told him she knew something was happening. Her right eyebrow was arched, one of her hands on her hip and a smirk plastered on her face. "Well, well, well, I knew this day would come. I have been waiting a few weeks now. I knew you would come to me when you needed help. And I can help; after all, I know everything there is to know about boys. I have been in a committed relationship with one Finn Hudson for many months now. I'm an expert."
Rolling his eyes, Kurt started walking up stairs, hoping Rachel would follow without actually being told. And just as he thought, she did follow him.
They both took a set on Kurt's bed, Rachel crossing her legs and folding her hands. "Kurt, I know something has been bothering you. When you think I'm not looking I can see you wanting to tell me something, but then you stop yourself. You can tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise."
"I know you won't Rachel, and I'm really glad for that." Kurt wanted to tell her about the kisses, he had been wanting to, but he was scared that if he actually said he kissed Blaine out loud or that Blaine had kissed him, it would jinx his and Blaine's chances, and now he realized how stupid that was. "You know how I was talking to you a few weeks ago, about Blaine?" Kurt questioned. When he got a nod from Rachel he continued. "Well I went and talked to him, like we talked about and then, well, I kissed him." Rachel's mouth dropped open. "I know, I couldn't believe it either, but I did it> It happened and I loved it. It was perfect. And Rachel, it felt so right. We." Kurt took a deep breath. "Blaine and I we just fit. I feel it and I know he does too, but he's scared."
Kurt stayed silent for a few minutes, as did Rachel, which Kurt was very thankful for. Kurt licked his lips before continuing. "So, anyway, after the kiss, Blaine said we couldn't be together and blah blah blah. Things I expected him to say, so I left. I was heartbroken, but I knew I could not give up. The next day I went over to his house. We talked and decided to be friends, which I know he wanted more, which I did too. I thought this would be a good way of us growing and maybe we could grow enough to the point where he would actually want to date me. It was working, Rachel. We were hanging out, every day for weeks. We were bonding and having fun and I was loving it and I was, Rachel, I was falling in love. No, I fell so deep in love that I don't know how to get out of it. I don't want to, either." Kurt applied, deep in thought, thinking of all the times they were together. It brought a pretty big smile to his face.
Kurt was pulled out of his daydream by Rachel clearing her throat. "Sorry." Kurt laughed, ready to get back to the story. "Everything became more, four days ago. I went over to Blaine's house early that morning, after dad left. Blaine made me breakfast and we started playing around, and one think led to another and he kissed. He kissed me, Rachel. I was dumb, I was so dumb. I let him just say it was a mistake. No, I was the one that said it was a mistake. I was in shock and I could not breathe. Everything was so much. But then he went to the bathroom and I got to thinking, that no it wasn't a mistake; it was everything we both want and why shouldn't we just, why can't we just have it? He came back and he just wanted to forget about it and I. Rachel, I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to him since that day. I want him, so badly. I just want to be with him, but he is.. he is.. he's a pussy." Kurt's eyes widened, his hands covered his mouth, and he started laughing loudly. Rachel started laughing along with him.
As soon as the laughter died down, Kurt bit down on his bottom lip and let out a groan of frustration. "What do I do? He wants to talk to me tomorrow about how I have been avoiding him." Kurt dropped his body fully onto the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He felt Rachel soon following him.
"Yeah. I don't know, Kurt. I wish I did. I want to help you, but this is so much." She turned her head to look at him. "Maybe just tell him how you feel? Tell him you want to be with him, and that it's all you can do because of how you feel."
"I don't know, Rachel. I mean, I want to be with him, but I don't want to lose him as a friend. We have become really close these last few weeks. He's amazing, funny and we really do have so many things in common, more than I had known." Kurt closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of his and Rachel's breathing.
"There's your answer, Kurt."
Opening his eyes, Kurt turned his head to look at Rachel. She was right. That was his answer. Kurt hadn't even thought about what losing Blaine as a friend might be like. It would suck more if Blaine wasn't in his life at all. It would suck so much worse if he lost one of his best friends because he wanted to date him. He could live without not dating Blaine if he could at least still have him as a friend. "Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said, with soft eyes. She had helped him, and now he was glad more than ever that he had called her. He was glad to finally get this off his chest and she also helped him realize Blaine's friendship meant so much more to him.
Kurt and Rachel fell into a comfortable silence, both listening to each other's breathing. After a few minutes, Kurt heard a car pull up and he knew immediately that his dad and Blaine were home.
He heard his dad walk into the house. He really hoped his dad and Blaine had a good evening. They both deserved it. A few minutes later his phone beeped with a text.
From Blaine: I cant wait to talk to u tomorrow.
Smiling to himself, Kurt did what he hadn't done in four days, he texted back.
From Kurt: I can't either :)