December 6, 2016            New York City, New York

75 years. The typical life expectancy of the average American male.

Made up of a series of months.

And weeks.

Days.

SecondsMoments.

Lives are shaped by chance meetings.

Sad accidents.

I love you’s. I didn’t mean to’s. I’m sorry’s.

Promises are made.

Promises are broken.

Goals are lost.

Purposes are found.

A life is shaped by those around it.

Hearts are protected. 

Years are melted into memories and days are drawn out forever.

There are days that are always with you. They are implanted in your sense memory, where even if you don’t remember or try desperately to ignore why the day is important, your body doesn’t. A meaningless number to the world around you can cause inner turmoil and pain through an entire inconsequential date.

It was easier when everyone remembered. Years one and two all of his friends were aware of why the day was significant and were understanding of Blaine’s foul mood. As years passed the date didn’t cause Blaine’s mood to shift so apparently, and it seemed as though most people didn’t remember at all. Which was ok, because Blaine desperately wanted to forget what had happened that day. The accident. The fear. The missed opportunity.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Blaine slowly walked down the busy New York City street, glad for the crisp air and the time alone to think. He had gotten off the subway at a much earlier stop than he normally would when a high school age boy in a bright bowtie and sweater vest had stepped on and sat in the seat across from him. At first he ignored him, but eventually he couldn’t take the high school memories that were flooding back into his mind whenever he stole a quick glance at the kid. Which turned out to be every three seconds. Pain was welling up in his chest in a way it hadn’t in a very long time, and he suddenly felt like he might drown. There was like… NO AIR on the subway and he felt himself gasp and start to swim toward the surface. At the next stop he jumped up and ran out of the car, gasping, clawing out of this pain and back into reality.

Blaine walked into the bar early. Early for a bar, anyway. In reality it was 2:30 in the afternoon, which really isn’t early at all. He was juggling two coffees and his guitar, and was thankful his favorite coffee shop was only two blocks from the bar. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle it much further than that. Not to mention the bitter New York City cold that stung his face as he walked, and he walked in it much longer than he had needed too. It was that damn bowtie.  As he stepped across the threshold the bell jingled announcing his presence and causing the bartender to look up. He spotted the coffee in Blaine’s hands and his eyes shown brightly.

“Oh my God. You are the best ever. How did you know I didn’t have time for coffee this morning?” the bartender asked while gratefully taking the cup that Blaine offered toward him.

“It wasn’t morning, you wake up after noon every day,” Blaine said taking his normal seat at the bar.

“It was MY morning!”

Blaine laughed at his genuinely insulted response. “Ok. Fair enough. I’ve lived with you for years now. I can tell when you are running late. I thought maybe you could use the help this ‘morning’.” Blaine answered.

“Picking you out in high school was the best idea I’ve ever had,” the bartender said with a huge smile.

“Love you too,” Blaine said understanding what his sentiment had meant. They settled into a comfortable silence as Blaine got out his computer to start going through demos that had been sent to the record label. He could hardly believe this was his job. Well, sort of job. He was an intern, and wasn’t paid to do it, but he was sure it would turn into paid job as soon as he graduated in six months.

 If you had asked Blaine in high school what he would be planning to do after graduation, this is not what he would have said. What he would have said definitely would have depended who was asking and who was around, but music production still wouldn’t ever have been the answer. His parents, his very successful and wealthy parents, didn’t like the idea of their other son chasing fame like their older one had. Blaine, in their eyes, had so much potential. He was very smart, unlike Cooper, who maybe was smart, but no one really knew. Cooper was beyond school at the age of 11 after being cast as George Washington in the 5th grade musical. Blaine did a much better job of balancing school and his passion for music and performance. College showed him that he could easily meld the two.

He was grateful for Cooper’s single mindedness when it came to fame because he learned a lot from it. Blaine loved performing and being the center of attention, to an extent. When Blaine was a senior in high school his plan had been to attend NYADA like Rachel was, and Kurt was planning too. Cooper, however, caused him to rethink this plan as he was shot into the spotlight almost instantly. That was the only reason Blaine would allow himself to acknowledge, anyway. As Blaine watched his brother maneuver the change in his life he realized that was not for him. That was how he stumbled upon the recorded music program at Tisch, which was the best decision he had made in his life up to this point. It was also wonderful that he had been able to convince his best friend to attend with him too, and they were now on this exciting and fun path together.

Blaine started glancing over when he pressed play on the third demo. He wanted to know what his friend thought of this song more than any other in the demo reel for today. Blaine smiled, trying to look engrossed in his computer as he stopped cleaning the bar and stood there silently listening for a while. Blaine knew this song was good, but he was also slightly biased since he knew who it was.

“That’s fantastic! I haven’t even heard all of the demos yet, but I know that’s the find for the day.”

Blaine gave a small “mm hm,” in response.

“That’s someone we know, isn’t it. You always do this to me!” His face squished up into severe concentration. Blaine was surprised that he hadn’t figured it out yet, seeing as he didn’t know Puck nearly as well, but he recognized his voice the instant the song had started the first time. Suddenly the light came on and Blaine saw realization fly across his face. “It’s Puck! Wow. This is fantastic! Is it just him, or is it a band?” he asked.

“It’s a band. Based in LA. They are called ‘Soft Sheen Pool’.” Blaine couldn’t even say the whole name before he started to laugh. Puck and pools seemed to always go together.

“Wow,” he responded as he went back to cleaning the bar. “That has got to be the worst band name I have ever heard. But they sound phenomenal. Was this really sent to the record label, or did Puck get a hold of you?”

“Puck messaged me a few weeks ago and asked if I knew where he should start to send demos, because they have been showcasing and trying to get their name out in LA and were thinking about trying in New York. Honestly, I was not expecting it to go anywhere, but they are great. I’m going to push for them as hard as a can,” Blaine responded.

They settled back into silence as he let the rest of the demos play. Soft Sheen Pool really was the find in this pile. Blaine absentmindedly started doing homework and reflecting on how awesome his life and his friends lives seemed to be becoming.  Despite everything.

“You sure you want to play today?” Blaine was startled out of his reverie by the question. He looked up confused as to why he was even asking.

“It’s Tuesday. I always play on Tuesdays. Why wouldn’t I want to plan on this Tuesday?” Blaine asked looking back down at his computer and his assignment. His stiff expression was clearly meant to emit the ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ vibe. Though this was going unnoticed – or more probably, ignored – by present company.

“It’s December 6th, Blaine. The day that… The day when…”

Blaine’s head shot up, startling his friend behind the bar. “I know what day it is, Sam! I don’t need you to remind me every year!” They stared at each other for a moment before Blaine let his head fall into his hands. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into his tired fingertips. And they really were tired. His whole body was tired. With lack of sleep. With sadness. With loss. He let his mind wander to that horrible day for only a second before willing it into the back of his mind.

“Look,” Sam said as he walked around the bar and took the seat next to Blaine. “I’m just worried about you. You sleep in the bedroom next to mine. I heard you tossing and turning all night. I just wanted to make sure you really wanted to play tonight.”

Blaine finally lifted his head out of his hands and looked at Sam. It was funny how they were sitting here now as best friends and roommates. Blaine would be lying if he said he hadn’t been devastated when Sam had waltzed back into Lima for sectionals in 2011. But now- and for the past 4 years- he couldn’t have been happier about it. “I am fine. What I really want is for this to be a normal Tuesday just like the last one and the one before that.” Blaine suddenly felt guilty for the slight look of pain in Sam’s eyes. “Thank you for caring. And remembering. I think you are the only one who still does.” Blaine could see the spark shoot back into them as he said this.

“You’re welcome.”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Blaine found himself walking through the cold New York air once again later that day. He glanced down at his watch. 5:45. He didn’t have to meet Cooper until 6:30, which gave him more than enough time to walk to the restaurant. Not that he was avoiding the subway. He always enjoyed walking down the street, teeth chattering and eyes watering because of the cold. It was… refreshing. As he walked he started mapping out his set list for the night. He didn’t usually plan things out to the extent he was tonight, but he needed to make sure he could make it through the set. As much as he tried to convince everyone, including himself, that this day didn’t bother him, it did. He was starting to wish that he had taken Sam’s offer to not play, but knew he would have hated himself for doing it. Besides, this was the only chance Cooper would probably ever have to watch him. As much as Blaine enjoyed performing at the bar, he was fairly certain it wouldn’t go much further than that. He thrived being behind the booth in the studio. He no longer had the desire to be the one behind the microphone. His standing gig at the bar where Sam worked was just a great way to pay the bills.

Blaine arrived at the restaurant at 6:17 and got their table and settled in. The waitress had already been to the table three times before Cooper showed up at 6:32. He was fairly certain that she had known exactly who he was the moment he had walked in the door. Blaine had come across this before. Cooper had a certain contingency of fans who knew everything about him, including the fact that his younger brother was a student ay NYU and what he looked like, from the one picture paparazzi had snapped of them together during his second semester away at school.

“Prepare yourself, Coop. The waitress, Janine, is a fan.” Blaine said as Cooper took the seat across from him.

“Yeah? How do you know that, squirt?” Cooper asked, smiling at the wince he earned at the nickname Blaine hated.

“She’s refilled my water twice, asked me how my day was going, and kept looking back at the table as she walked away. Clear fan behavior,” Blaine said, taking a sip of his water.

“She could just think you are cute. You do take after me in the looks department after all.”

Blaine shook his head. “We take after dad. Well, we shall see when she returns. How are you Cooper? I don’t think I’ve talked to you properly in a month.”

Cooper smiled at his brother. Blaine knew how much he was enjoying the success he was finally achieving. He had worked hard for it, and it was clear that it was what he was intended to be doing. “Life is crazy. I got here this morning for a photo shoot, and I fly back to LA at 7:30 tomorrow morning to go back to set. I had to demand that they let me stay here long enough to see your set at the bar. But it’s totally worth it. And I do have a few weeks off at Christmas. You’re going home too, right?” Cooper asked just as Janine walked back to the table. Blaine gave a small smirk across the table and waited for the girl to be unable to hold in her excitement. But she barely even looked at Cooper. She took his drink order quickly before giving Blaine her full attention, making sure he had everything he needed and twisting her hair in between her fingers as she smiled brightly at him. Cooper could barely contain his laughter until she was far enough from the table to not hear him. “She doesn’t even know who I am! She’s totally crushing on you, B.” Cooper looked so incredibly pleased with himself.

“Wrong team, Coop,” Blaine offered trying to cover the redness on his face.

“She doesn’t know that.”

The rest of the dinner was pleasant enough. Blaine didn’t realize how much he had missed Cooper, even if he did drive him insane. Just as they were about to leave the waitress hurried over to their table to stop them. She looked terrified and kept looking back at the hostess booth, where three other girls were watching and giving her encouraging looks. “Blaine. I was just wondering… It’s Tuesday, are you playing at the bar tonight?” Blaine was startled, and looked to Cooper, eyes wide with fear, which only brought him stifled laughter.

“Um. Yes, I’ll be there. You’ve seen me perform before?” Blaine asked, clearly having been completely wrong about why this girl had been fussing over him.

“Yes! My friends and I have seen you there quite a few times. You are just fantastic!”

“Wow. Thank you. I suppose I will see you tonight,” Blaine said with a wave as he and Cooper walked out the door. Cooper was freely laughing now, which earned him a swat from Blaine. “Goodbye,” Blaine said as the door shut behind them.

Cooper looked down at his feet as they began to walk, still laughing. “You could not have been more wrong. Maybe you should ask her out on a date.” Cooper kept walking for a few seconds before he realized Blaine had stopped and was standing, face fuming behind him. “I’m just teasing, B,” Cooper said as he turned around and walked back toward his brother. “It’s just been so long since you’ve dated someone, and the only boy you dated was Kurt. I thought maybe you had changed your mind.”

Blaine scoffed, crossed his arms over his chest, and continued to walk, clearly not satisfied with his brother’s apology. “Just because I haven’t dated since Kurt, doesn’t mean I’m not gay. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“Alright, alright! I’m sorry,” Cooper said, truly asking for forgiveness. “You’re right, that was out of line. I just hate seeing you so sad. I want you to find somebody.”

Blaine glanced over at his brother, and couldn’t maintain the anger after looking at him. Cooper did care for Blaine, and he knew that. Aside from Sam, Cooper was the only one to truly care about Blaine and how he was feeling from the moment it happened. After all, there was much more going on besides Blaine’s breakup issues, and everything else truly was far more important. That didn’t mean that Blaine had been any less broken. They walked the rest of the way talking about other things-  mom, Cooper’s latest movie offer, Blaine’s impending graduation and job search.

“You never answered,” Cooper said as they neared the bar. “Are you going to Ohio for Christmas?”

Blaine sighed. “Yeah, Sam and I are both going home, but I am trying to figure out a way to avoid Lima altogether, which is proving difficult since Sam and I are traveling together. But I’ll be there. I think mom would kill me if I didn’t.” They walked into the bar, which was now bustling and looked much more than a bar than it had in the afternoon.

“Coop!” Sam yelled from behind they bar. Cooper slapped Blaine’s shoulder before heading off to talk to Sam and allowed Blaine to start setting his stuff up on the stage. He was happy to have something to busy himself with. 4 years later, and December 6th was still the bane of his existence. Who would have known?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Blaine laid in bed that night thinking about how different his life was than he had expected it to be when he was a senior in high school. He had Kurt then, and never would have imagined they wouldn’t be together forever. He had earned early acceptance to NYADA and hadn’t even considered many other options.

But now. He was happy with where he was. He had enjoyed every moment at NYU thus far and was sad to know that it would be part of his past in 6 months time. He was glad to have Sam. Besides Kurt, he hadn’t really had the opportunity for real true friends, and was glad that he and Sam had become that and kept it.  He loved his internship at the record studio and was so excited for the prospects it created for his and Sam’s future.

Still. It wasn’t perfect. There was this hole. Kurt sized. He wouldn’t even try to deny it. It was there. It was the reason why he said no to every person who asked him out on a date since stepping foot in New York City.

But, maybe that needed to change. Four years, and there hadn’t been so much as a phone call or text message from Kurt. Clearly he had moved on. Why shouldn’t Blaine? Maybe this December 6th was the day that Blaine could decide to take full control of his life and not allow himself to keep one leg in the past, just in case. He had so much going for him. So much greatness. There was no need to hold himself back any longer. Maybe next December 6th he wouldn’t even recognize the date.