We Aren't Who We Were

Finale – Part 2

Kurt stared at Blaine, his wide eyes brimming with tears. His hand fell from where it had been intertwined with Blaine's.

Blaine swallowed, and took a deep breath, his hazel eyes still locked on Kurt's. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me? Do you? I feel like—I feel like…" He shook his head, feeling his emotions getting the best of him.

Kurt bit his lip nervously, feeling his knees shaking, about to give out any second.

"—I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel—I feel insane." Blaine was shaking, his fists clenched together, blinking furiously.

"Blaine…" Kurt whispered, his voice barely audible.

"You can't just show up like this Kurt!" Blaine's voice sounded so pitiful, so broken compared to the anger he was exhaling earlier. Blaine shook his head furiously, unable to look at Kurt anymore. "Because—because I don't think I can handle it—after everything."

"I'm sorry…I just—I—" Kurt's breath hitched, and his words were left hanging in the dangerously silent air between them. "I…"

Blaine looked up slowly at Kurt, and was faced a new kind of heart break. Kurt's eyes had fallen to the pavement and stubborn tears were rolling down his pale cheeks.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, his eyebrows knitting together. "Kurt, no. Please don't—please don't cry." His voice cracked with wary desperation.

Kurt blinked furiously in an attempt to gain back his barely-there resolve, but it was no use. The dam had collapsed, and the flood of emotions was flowing out in an uncontrollable wave.

Blaine trembled where he stood. He could never stand when Kurt cried. Even now, after all things said and done, standing here, watching as the tears flowed unmercifully from pale blue eyes—it was killing Blaine inside.

Blaine sighed heavily and instinctively pulled Kurt into a hug. He felt Kurt tense under him, but he didn't pull away. Blaine furrowed his eyebrows in frustration as he held Kurt in his arms. What was wrong with him? Why does he do these things?

Blaine pulled away slightly to look at Kurt, who refused to look him, keeping his damp eyes focused on the ground.

Blaine reached out and wiped the tears off Kurt's cheek with his thumb gently—despite himself—trying desperately to stop Kurt from crying and hopefully alleviate the stinging pain he felt in his chest seeing Kurt this way.

Kurt stepped away gently, brushing Blaine's hands away from his face. "I'm fine…" he whispered softly, "Really, you don't have to do this."

Blaine winced. Have to? If only it was that easy. He needed to. Couldn't he understand that his heart was breaking just seeing Kurt cry?

Kurt took a steadying breath, finally working up the courage to look at Blaine. "What do you want Blaine? What do you want from me? You can't keep telling me you're still in love with me and expect me to just walk away from that. I—I needyou to tell me what you want."

Blaine swallowed. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"I came here today, to tell you that I loved you. I always have, and always will, be in love with you, Blaine." Kurt's voice was shaking, but it held strong. "I know I don't deserve anything from you but please, tell me what you want from me. Because I don't think you know what you're doing to me right now."

Blaine's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?"

"You can't just tell me you're in love with me—and then kiss me, and expect me to walk away now. That may have been my intentions when I came—after all I've done, I wouldn't expect you to want me anymore anyways."

Blaine shook his head and sighed.

What did he want? Was it possible for his heart to want one thing while his mind was screaming at him for another?

On the one hand Blaine was furious. It almost physically pained him to see Kurt again. Especially since the last actual time he'd seen him, he'd been blissfully unaware of everything that was yet to unfold. He hadn't known that Kurt had already decided in his mind that he didn't want them anymore. He hadn't known that the last time they would make love was a desperate, selfish form of goodbye. He hadn't known that in the morning he'd wake up, and Kurt would be far, far away from him, leaving no indication as to where he might be. He hadn't known that…that his heart would break in such a painful way, that there was a point in his life he'd feel like he'd never be happy again. He hadn't known any of it.

He thought he could keep all of it bottled up. He thought he could move on, and forget the man who'd hurt him so badly, and never bothered to show up again. The man who never—not once—called or wrote or…anything.

And then out of the blue he's there, standing out in the crowd of people, staring at a painting—his painting—no their painting. And everything just came pouring out. His anger, his pain, his confusion, it all came out. The feelings he'd desperately and painfully buried deep within, came out in one frustrated, raging outburst. And he screamed at him. He yelled his frustration with a new kind of harshness he'd never known he had. His words were dripping with spite and cruelty, and he knew it.

Then he thought about tonight. He thought about the conflicting ways he's been acting. He was raging one moment, and reaching out kiss Kurt the next. Blaine couldn't deny the dizzying, tingly feeling he felt when his lips pressed against Kurt's—that instant jolt of electricity pulsing through his veins as soon as he came in contact with him.

"—Blaine?" Kurt spoke out, startling Blaine out of his thoughts.

Blaine made a noncommittal sound, focusing his attention on Kurt again. "I—I don't know."

Kurt let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in. "Oh…"

Blaine let his eyes flutter shut for a moment, his brow furrowed as he attempted to deal with the conflicting thoughts in his mind.

The two stood in silence.

Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes close in deep thought. Part of him wondered what was going through his mind, while another part was battling his own thoughts and emotions. Blaine had kissedhim. Blaine had kissed him twice! Kurt could feel himself shiver at the mere memory of it. All things considered, that was literally one of the last things he'd expected Blaine to do tonight. He expected—almost needed to hear the anger. He knew he deserved it, and as much as it killed him to hear, he knew a lot of what Blaine said was right. After all he'd done, he couldn't dare evenconsider Blaine taking him back. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind…until now.

Blaine's eyes blinked open, exposing his tired eyes, and turned to face Kurt. The deep pools of hazel were sad, but firm.

Kurt braced himself for what Blaine was about to say. He had a distinct feeling about what Blaine was going to say.

Blaine was shaking as he finally came to his realization. He took a few steps closer, taking a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"I just don't—I don't think I could do this again." Blaine murmured finally, catching Kurt's gaze. "I was a mess—I'm still a mess. I just—I can't. I'm sorry."

Kurt sucked in a deep shaky breath, "I know. I've known for a while." Kurt fidgeted from where he stood, "I just—I just didn't expect it to hurt this much actually hearing you say it." His lower lip was trembling.

Blaine's heart felt heavy in his chest, and he could feel a lump forming in his throat. He had to do it, it was the reasonable decision. Too much had happened between the two—too many lies, too many broken promises, and too many false hopes. The damage had been done, and Blaine could never forget it.

"I'm really sorry, Blaine" Kurt said at barely a whisper.

Kurt stared sadly into the soft hazel eyes that were dampened with tears. He could feel his own eyes moisten with tears, a few rolling down his cheek. Kurt knew this would happen. He was an idiot for thinking that Blaine would evereven consider taking him back, but there was still that glimmer of hope buried deep within his heart that he desperately clung to it. It was a hope that wished, with every ounce of its being, that Blaine could just forgive him, and they could work things out and just be happy again.

It was an implausible hope that every mistake he'd made would vanish and things could be perfect and wonderful. It was a hope that even Kurt, knew was unrealistic. After everything that'd happened, Kurt was fully aware that the two people standing here today weren't the same two people who'd blissfully held each other, just a few months ago. Because now, everything different; Now, everything was broken and scarred.

"I do still love you though Kurt," Blaine whispered, looking sadly at Kurt, stepping closer, wanting desperately to reach out and hold him again.

Kurt was blinking rapidly. There was a stabbing pain in his chest from Blaine's words. He'd said them in such a way that was almost apologetic—almost as if, given the option to change it, he would. He could feel a lump forming in his throat.

Kurt shook his head, and took a few steps back, "Please, don't say th—that."

Blaine forced a weak smile, and looked into Kurt's eyes. Kurt caught his gaze, practically drowning in the pools of hazel. His eyes were soft but sad. They were also sincere—something that made Kurt happy to see still existed in his eyes. They made him think of the warm Blaine he loved—the Blaine that was always kind, even in the worst of situations.

They made him think of , perfect, Blaine.

"But it's true." Blaine insisted, taking a few steps closer, "I do—and I'm sure I always will. You're not easy to forget, Kurt. I would know."

Kurt swallowed—feeling overwhelmed with emotion. "Blaine, please. I can't—I can't hear that from you. It—it's too…"

Concern filled Blaine's eyes and he furrowed his eyebrows, leaning in to look at Kurt—less than a foot separating their faces.

Kurt couldn't move—he could barely breathe. Blaine said he was making him go insane? Kurt could practically feel Blaine's breath against his cheek, his hazel eyes gazing across his face, displaying a look of worry. Why couldn't he see how painful it was for him, now? Why couldn't he just let him leave? So he could go back to hotel room and just scream, and let out the inevitable tears that will follow suit.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, oblivious, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You're not the only one going crazy, Blaine," Kurt said at barely a whisper. He was practically trembling.

Kurt knew he shouldn't have done it. But he couldn't help himself. Every brain cell in his head knew he shouldn't have done it. But every fiber in his being told him he hadto. His body needed it—even if it was for the last time.

Without a second thought Kurt thrust his mouth against Blaine's with enough force to knock them both backwards. Blaine's hands fell to his sides in shock, while Kurt's moved up to tangle in Blaine's soft brown curls. And in the space of a next heartbeat he was kissing Blaine, hard and full on the lips, his manner deeply passionate, and hopelessly desperate.

After a very brief moment, Blaine pulled away, his arms resting firmly on Kurt's shoulders. His eyes of deep hazel and glints of gold poured out a look of confliction. He pressed their foreheads together lightly, his face flushed. He could see the heat rising to Kurt's cheeks as well, and noted that his soft pink lips were still parted slightly.

"You shouldn't have done that…" Blaine whispered, his hands unconsciously gripping Kurt's shoulders tighter, eyes unable to meet Kurt's gaze. "You really, shouldn't have done that."

Blaine didn't know if he was addressing Kurt, or himself.

Kurt was trembling from the rush of electricity pulsing though his veins. "I—I couldn't help it…" he whispered back. "…You must know the feeling."

They looked at each other for the briefest of moments, Blaine felt like his knees were about to cave beneath him. His neck was blazing hot from where Kurt's hands had touched him, and he could feel Kurt's warmth from where his hands rested on his shoulders. He pursed his lips together, and gently pushed Kurt away, stepping a few steps back himself, leaving a reasonable gap between them. He was still rather taken aback by Kurt's sudden kiss, and could barely think straight.

He took a shaky breath. "Kurt…"

Kurt shook his head vigorously, feeling too emotional for words.

Blaine swallowed and took a cautious step towards Kurt. "Kurt, listen…"

Blaine could feel a lump forming in his throat as he looked into Kurt's glassy eyes, his tears, again, threatening to spill over at any moment. Blaine could feel his resolve slipping as he gazed into those familiar, brilliant, blue-green eyes. Memories of all the times he'd lost himself in those familiar eyes flashed before him, and he could feel his heart rate starting to increase.

Blaine swallowed, and took another steadying breath. He'd expected this to happen. He'd expected to feel this way again. Getting caught up in past memories, and the heated, passionate tension what Blaine was sure would always linger between the two of them. But no matter how his heart swelled when he looked at Kurt—beautiful Kurt—there were some things he just couldn't un-feel, and pain he could never forget.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, and stared down at the ground. "Kurt…" he started again, trying to keep his composure, but failing.

Kurt sucked in a breath.

"Kurt…" Blaine whispered, his own breath getting caught in his throat for a moment, "Kurt, I—I can't forgive you…"

Kurt bit down hard on his lip in an attempt to keep from breaking down in front of Blaine. He couldn't cry—he wouldn't cry, not again. He knew the idea of Blaine forgiving him was a long shot, and was pretty much impossible. Too much had happened and now it was too late.

"And I'm not asking you to," Kurt replied, "but how could you just—how could you just turn away from love? I know you felt it too just now, right? You felt it? I'm in love with you Blaine. I don't want you to go. "

Blaine's heart stopped beating, he was sure of it. Bile rose in his throat, stomach tugging painfully and his chest aching. He shot Kurt an incredulous look, barely able to believe what he was hearing and staggered backwards in shock.

"It's what you did, isn't it?" His words were ice cold, and dripping with spite. He was painfully aware of how cruel his words sounded as they fell out of his mouth, but he continued to stare at Kurt, eyes slightly narrowed as he awaited a retort.

Kurt's lower lip quivered for a moment, feeling the air tense up between them, but otherwise held strong, a fierceness emerging in his eyes. "Yes, it's exactly what I did."

Blaine's eyes were blazing, "Then you of all people should understand—"

"—No, you don't get it Blaine." Kurt cut off. His words were soft, but his tone was strong and determined.

Kurt gave a water smile, but continued on, his voice shaking slightly. "Letting you go was…the biggest regret I've ever had. I thought I could do it. I thought I was strong enough to forget you but…you never forget, Blaine. Never. You told me that yourself."

Blaine stood in stunned silence, his face expressionless.

"I thought you hated me Blaine. I honestly did. How could you still feel anything but loathing toward me, I'll never understand? I honestly believed it when we first…spoke at the gallery the other day, but—but you—you said you still loved me, and everything changed."

Blaine's heart was starting to pound in his chest again. He clutched his fists together tighter, and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to calm the flood of emotions currently about to break loose.

"I could understand you never wanting to see me again because you couldn't stand the sight of me anymore—but again, you can't just tell me you're in love with me and expect me to let go, because Blaine, I honestly don't think I can."

Blaine swallowed. His breathing was growing rapidly, and he was trembling slightly.

"You can't tell me—keep telling me that you're in love with me and expect me to accept it and move on. I'm in love with you too! I didn't think I had a shot in hell with you again after what I did—I still don't. But you can't just say something like that to me." Kurt's voice fell to a tremble. "You just…you can't say that to me and just…leave. You can't say that to me and expect me to letyou leave," Kurt's voice was barely at a whisper.

"—we can't do this again Kurt," Blaine said softly, breathing out. He was fighting back all his emotions. He was fighting against the opposing signals his body was sending, and the barely functioning rationale his mind was giving. He was practically shaking in attempt to keep his barely-contained composure—and the way Kurt was staring at him wasn't helping.

Kurt gazed at him, standing wordlessly as his blue eyes locked on hazel.

Kiss him.

A shudder passed through Blaine as his body craved to launch his lips against the pair of perfect pink ones standing just a few feet away from him. His whole body tingled at the ghosting memory of their roughly shared kiss just moments ago, and it took all Blaine had in him to push the thought away and focus on what Kurt was saying to him.

"Why not?" Kurt retorted, eyes blazed with a blue fire that Blaine knew all too well.

Kiss him.

Blaine sucked in a breath, his arms twitching to follow his instincts and just press his lips against Kurt's. To feel the man's soft lips move against his, to touch his perfect porcelain skin, and—

"Kurt…" Blaine's forehead was starting to dampen, "What you did was—it broke me. I was a mess. You didn't leave me with anything but that note—that I don't even understand." Blaine dragged a hand down his face in attempt to wipe away the beading sweat, "I didn't even know where you were! I can't do that again! I can't, and I won't."

Kurt nodded, but held his gaze. "You didn't understand the note?" he asked softly.

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, instinctively reaching into his back pocket at pulling out his wallet. Kurt watched him as he did so, but Blaine's eyes never left Kurt. A small piece of paper fluttered out onto Blaine's hand as he held his wallet out and opened one of the flaps.

Kurt's eyes widened in realization.

Blaine took a daring step forward, the scrap of paper clutched in his hand.

"I could never say goodbye to you…" Blaine recited, his heart pounding in his ears from his close proximity to Kurt.

"It means exactly what it says, Blaine." Kurt didn't look at the paper, his eyes refusing to break away from Blaine's.

The tension was building. Neither one spoke, both just staring at each other intensely, the only sound coming from their heavy breathing.

"I could never—never say goodbye. I'm in love with you Blaine. And if I know that you feel even a fraction of that love towards me, I won't let go. Not again, not ever. I was foolish to think I could the first time, but I am not letting go now."

Kiss him.

Blaine pursed his lips together, and let his eyes flutter shut for a second. His heart was pounding, practically ringing in his ears. He couldn't steady his breathing anymore, and he felt like his chest was about to burst. His mind had lost all capability for any rational thought, and all his emotions felt like they were about to pour out any second. He blinked his eyes opened to look at Kurt, who was standing before him wordlessly. His blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, and his face flushed from the intensity of his words.

"I—I…" Blaine stammered.

Kurt stared at him with sad eyes, blinking to try to stay calm.

Kiss him.

Blaine tilted his head down, trying to shove the thoughts out of his mind—the stupid, impulsive thoughts that kept screaming at him despite his attempts to mute them from his mind.

I'm in love with you Blaine…I won't let go…not ever.

The words rang in his ears, and it was all he could think about as looked at Kurt, who was now looking back at him softly, chewing nervously on his lower lip, his gaze never leaving Blaine's.

Kiss him.

Blaine couldn't think anymore. Everything came bursting out all once, and this time there was no controlling it.

Before Kurt knew what was happening, Blaine had breached the distance that lay between them in one quick step, and caught Kurt's mouth in his. The pounding of his heart roared in his ears; Kurt forgot how to think, and only let himself feel, as he lost all sense of everything except the warmth of Blaine's mouth on his, the way Blaine's fingers tilted his face slightly to deepen their kiss. And it was feverish, and desperate, and everything that Kurt wanted to remember how to feel all over again.

Blaine pulled back, his hands still resting on Kurt's face, his eyes searching for some sort of signal, look, a clue as to what was going through his mind, anything that could assure him that this was okay, and that he should be doing this—despite everything that was still hanging in the air between them.

Kurt's breath hitched as his blue eyes caught piercing hazel. Coherent thought wasn't even an option anymore. All he could do was the one thing he'd wanted—needed—to do since he'd seen Blaine again. He kissed him back.

In a single movement Kurt brought his lips to Blaine's once more. Blaine's mouth tasted like a familiar memory, like a special place he would always remember for the rest of his life. His arms went around Blaine instinctively, holding him close against him as they kissed deeply, as he let go of everything that kept them apart and brought them together, until it was just the two of them, and for a split second—nothing else mattered.

When they finally broke apart, Kurt was breathless, confused, happy, and nervous all at once. Blaine was staring at him with an unreadable expression—but his eyes never once broke away from Kurt's.

Blaine's face was flushed and his breathing was shallow. He swallowed anxiously—his entire body was still tingling with sensation. He couldn't seem to break away from the bright blue eyes that gazed back at him, and for a moment it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

It was getting really late, the night has set in, and the only source of light was shining from the few streetlights that lined the pavement. The street was quiet, no cars passed at this late hour, and it was just the pair, and the sound of their heavy, uneven breaths.

"Whoa…" Blaine breathed out, his hands reaching up to rake through his messy hair.

"Yeah…" Kurt responded, his mouth falling open slightly.

Blaine blinked several times, willing his mind to think of something to say—anything. But his brain was practically melting out of his ear after that, and all he could think of was how spectacularly amazing he felt.

The two of them staggered to the edge of the sidewalk, and settled on the edge on the curb. They sat there, side-by-side, both pairs of eyes still unable to break away from the other.

"Um—we should probably…um…" Kurt tried to say, but his voice fading away. He wouldn't know what to say even if he tried.

"Yeah, we—um—we probably should," Blaine replied absently, inching toward Kurt again.

As if someone had ignited spark once again, the two dived at each other once more, the kiss softer, sweeter this time. Their lips moved together with ease, their noses brushing against the other ever so slightly. The air around them became tinged with the scent of their passion and the world crumbled into insignificance. All Blaine could taste was Kurt's mouth, all he could hear was Kurt's rough breathing, and all he could feel were Kurt's hands running expertly over his body as they hadn't done in months.

Any rational thought left his mind and Blaine just smiled against Kurt's mouth.

After a few more dizzying moments had passed, Kurt peeled away gently, his eyes twinkling as they looked into Blaine's burning hazel ones.

"Um—Blaine?" Kurt asked softly.

Blaine pulled Kurt close, and settled his chin on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, still able to feel Kurt trembling against him, but simply pulled him even closer to him, their bodies easing into the comforting warmth between them.

"Yeah?" Blaine hummed, nuzzling against Kurt's shoulder.

"We're—we're going to be okay, right?" There was a slight hint of concern in Kurt's voice.

Blaine pulled back to look at Kurt, smiling gently. "I don't know." He answered simply. "But I think we'll figure it out—together. I'm not entirely sure if this is the right decision just yet—but I have to give it another try. I might actually go insane if I didn't. Besides, we can't both make the same mistake again, or things would just fall apart."

Kurt let a small smile wash over his face.

"Is—is it okay if we…" Blaine took a steadying breath, "is it okay if we just, take it slow for now? I, I don't think I'm ready to jump straight into a relationship just yet after—you know. It might take me a while to—to get used to us again."

Kurt nodded, reaching out to cup Blaine's cheek with his hand. "We'll take it as slow as you need to. I'm not leaving again. Never."

"I love you, Kurt Hummel." Blaine whispered, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"I love you too, Blaine Anderson." Kurt whispered back, a grin sweeping across his face.

The pair stayed sitting on that curb in front of the art studio, Kurt resting against Blaine's chest as he played with his hair. Time passed quickly as they reacquainted themselves, falling back easily into light, comfortable conversation. There was a lot more to be said, but right now, they simply just sat together in peace, knowing full well that though they'll have to deal with their problems soon, just not quite yet. Not quite yet because, right now, it was sort of perfect.

The San Francisco sun would be up in a few hours, and they'd stay up to watch it.

Their future will be rocky, and they may hit some rough patches. But their love is strong, and it is certain that they can weather out anything that comes their way.

The past can never be changed, and the scars will forever remain—but as it turns out, the only person that can move along the healing, and bring back the joy and happiness, was the person who'd had left them in the first place.

Some may call them fools for believing this could work after all that's been said and done, and perhaps it's true, but they were fools in love. And fools in love, well, are there any other kind of lovers?