We Aren't Who We Were

Finale – Part 1

Kurt stared at the address scribbled on the hotel room stationary. He sat anxiously on the bed, his right hand was still wrapped around his phone—even though the conversation had ended nearly twenty minutes ago—while his left hand still clutched onto the notepad.

Kurt took a deep breath before ripping the piece of paper with the address from the pad, and grabbing his coat off the chair.

He was going to go. He was going to say what he needed to say, and that was that. He would say it and be on the next fight out to LA. Kurt knew would never be able to live with himself—not that life was just sunshine and rainbows as it was—but after that…confrontation with Blaine the other day, Kurt had to apologize—the right way.

He was nervous. Kurt was really, really, nervous. Getting the address to Blaine's art studio was easy. A couple of phone calls to the art gallery's main office and a couple of questions, and the address was a given. The hard part was actually going, and speaking to Blaine. Their last conversation wasn't exactly the most cheery conversation they've shared, and Kurt was still feeling rather emotionally confused by the whole ordeal. Blaine seemed to loathe him, and yet—he still loved him? It was difficult to process, and Kurt still didn't know where they stood, but nevertheless he had to go and at least try to patch up this mess.

Kurt pulled his coat on, and headed out the door, still running lines in his head as he tried to figure out what exactly he planned to say when he got there.

I know you probably hate me for running like a coward and never saying goodbye, but let's just try and work things out. No. That won't do. Hey, Blaine. Sorry for leading you on for months and then backing out at the last minute. I did it because I thought it was the best option at the time. Want to take it over a cup of coffee? Definitely not. I'm still hopelessly in love with you, even though I don't deserve you I want to give it another try, if you'll let me. Never in a million years.

Kurt hesitated as he placed his hand on the hotel room's door handle, wondering to himself whether or not he could actually do this. I mean, what will he say when I show up? Will he tell me to leave immediately? Will he just ignore me when if I try to speak to him?

Kurt took a deep steadying breath before finally pulling open the door and walked out into the hallway.

He was doing this. Even if things get even worse than they already are, Kurt wasn't going to run away from the problem again. Blaine didn't deserve that from his twice. It was a twist in fate that Kurt happened to walk into that art gallery, and he wasn't going to pass up the chance to make things right—even if it was a slim, slim chance.

Blaine was supposed to be happy. He'd successfully showcased his very first art gallery, sold a number of them to very generous buyers, and had earned himself a rather impressive starting reputation here in San Francisco. He was even sure that there were some international buyers there taking a look at his work as well. Everything Blaine could ever dream of his career becoming was happening, and yet, he still didn't feel happy—not even in the slightest.

He may have moved across the country, but there was still something he could never move away from, no matter how hard he tried.

He stared idly at the painting, propped up in the middle of the room.

This studio was new, and even though he got most of his stuff shipped in from New York it was still rather empty besides a few paintings stacked against the walls, some tubes of paint and a few brushes on the shelves, and a couple dozen easels set up around the room with a paintings resting on them.

He should probably be working, trying to come up with a couple more decent paintings to give to the other gallery owners from last night who had also asked to hang up a few of his work in their galleries but all Blaine was able to do that morning at just stare at it.

It had found itself right back in Blaine's face, despite his efforts to free himself from it. That damn painting of Kurt. The half-finished, dull, completely awful painting—that pretty much had no resemblance to Kurt, despite the fact that it was a portrait of Kurt—was propped up in the middle of the room, as if its sole purpose was to mock Blaine and make him feel even more miserable than he was already.

Blaine sat on his stool in front of the painting, just staring at it. He thought of his encounter with Kurt yesterday. He remembered his bitter words, and the look on Kurt's face. That wasn't Blaine. Blaine wanted to hold Kurt and ask him why he hurt him. Blaine wanted to look into those glassy blue eyes and figure out if Kurt still loved him. Blaine wanted to break down and demand why Kurt left, just to come back again—completely shattering the resolve he's taken weeks to barely get back.

He acted harshly, cruelly. He remembered hearing Kurt choke back sobs as he rounded the corner, and he didn't turn around—didn't even glance back—but he knew what he'd done.

Blaine sighed. The anger compelled him. Seeing Kurt again…all the past emotions he'd bottled up came pouring out all at once. All the things he'd kept buried in his heart suddenly exploded, and he just…he couldn't control it. All the questions he'd been asking himself erupted, and in an instant he was a whole different person.

Blaine looked back up at his painting. How did things get this bad?

The cab pulled up in front of a small one story building on a quiet street, with a few other building distantly spaced from it. It was rather obvious they were art buildings. There were colorful murals plastered on the outer walls, with artistic swirls and elaborate patterns all around. Blaine's building had stunning abstract patterns painted around it.

It looked amazing against the setting sun, Kurt observed—and then it hit him. The sun was setting. What if Blaine had gone home? It was already getting pretty late, and it would be getting dark soon.

Kurt mentally kicked himself for putting this off all afternoon. He was nervous about this, and he still hadn't quite mastered what exactly he was going to say to Blaine when he saw him. It would be awful for him to wait another nerve-wracking day.

There was something Blaine had said the other day—well two things that stuck to him, I mean Blaine had also said he was still in love with him—but this particular thing upset him deeply.

He thought Kurt didn't love him back. And that stung.

After a lot of consideration, it was apparent to him that Blaine might have had a point—his actions weren't exactly the picture of love and affection. And sure, Kurt had given it some thought, and perhaps it would've been a good idea for Blaine to just go on thinking it—and maybe then he'd be able to move on easier, and forget about Kurt. Except the thought alone devastated Kurt and he pointedly decided that even though Blaine probably despised him immensely now, he needed to make sure Blaine knew he'd always loved him. Because he really, really did. He needed to know at least that.

Kurt walked up to the main entrance hesitantly, and pulled open the doors.

The door opened into a dark narrow hallway, with two doors on either side. Kurt spotted a dimly lit light at the back on the building—the last door of the hallways.

Kurt took a deep breath and walked towards it, suddenly aware of how loud his footsteps were as they echoed through the building.

Kurt's breath hitched as he caught a glimpse of the room, the door left wide open. Kurt ducked behind the doorframe for a moment, just staring at Blaine who was just idly cleaning paintbrushes in a sink.

Kurt's eyes followed him as he set the paintbrushes back into a can on a shelf with a sigh, and walked toward the center to the room, murmuring something to himself under his breath. Kurt's breathing started to get heavier as the nervousness began building up.

Blaine paused, furrowing his eyebrows. He thought he heard something.

"Is anyone out there?" Blaine called out. His voice echoed through his studio. He peered toward the door, knowing for certain he just heard someone take a shaky breath right outside his door.

Kurt stepped forward knocking gently on the open wooden door, cautiously meeting Blaine's eyes.

Blaine blinked a few times, and rubbed at his eyes. "Kurt? What are you…?"

"Hi," Kurt said, attempting a smile, but letting it fade as he caught Blaine's hard eyes. "I just—I thought that…um. Well I was wondering if we could um—please talk?" Kurt asked softly, fumbling with his words nervously, shifting his weight between his feet as he stood awkwardly at the doorway.

Blaine stared at him for a moment, his expression unreadable. His hazel eyes narrowed in confusion as he gazed at him, his head slightly tilted to the side. Kurt's heart froze momentarily in his chest as Blaine's eyes wandered over him. Kurt could just feel Blaine's eyes on him—and it was starting to make him uncomfortable not knowing what was going through his mind as his eyes fixed on him.

Blaine shook his head quickly, and pulled his gaze away. He pulled an old towel from a nearby shelf and rubbed at his damp, paint covered hands, avoiding Kurt's gaze.

"What are doing here, Kurt?" Blaine asked coldly, turning away from Kurt who still remained frozen at the doorway, and walked deeper into the room.

"I just thought that maybe—maybe we should talk before I go back to LA." Kurt replied, trying to keep his voice even, "…especially after what happened yesterday."

Blaine turned to face Kurt. His eyes were dark as he glowered at Kurt, feeling his patience starting to shatter. Why was Kurt here? Hadn't they said enough to each other yesterday? What was there left to say?

Blaine could sense Kurt's urgency as he walked timidly into the room, silently begging him to just hear him out.

"Okay…" Blaine murmured, his voice soft but threatening, "Then talk."

"Well first—I'm not sure if you want to talk about it or not, but I can't get it out of my mind—it's about what—what you said yesterday…" Kurt began cautiously, looking up at Blaine. God, how was he supposed to ask this? What did you mean when you said you were still in love with me yesterday? Did you really mean it? And…why did it hurt me so much when you said it, even though it'd been the one thing I wanted to hear most from you?

Blaine was staring at him impatiently. He could feel the uncontrollable anger washing over him once again.

"About um, about—" Kurt couldn't bring himself to say it.

"About what Kurt?" Blaine hissed. His patience was finally starting to run thin and suddenly he could feel the heat rising to his chest as yesterday's events began flooding his memory. He stepped closer to Kurt, hazel locked on misty blue, "About why you left me without a warning, or even an explanation?"

"—I tried to explain why I—"

"About why you ran from New York before I could find you and just ask you about what the hell that note meant, if you were coming back, or where we even stood in our relationship—if it could even be counted as one?"

Kurt looked like he was going to burst into tears. Blaine's harsh sarcastic tone pierced through him like knives, and he started to back away but Blaine just walked closer and closer, making him feel more and more anxious. He chewed on his lip so hard he was beginning to taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

Blaine kept coming closer, barely able to contain his rage that had suddenly overpowered him. His voice was shaking as he tried to keep a little bit of composure, but that was shattering by the second, replaced by anger that was quickly bubbling to the surface.

"—the note was supposed to mean that—" Kurt squeaked.

"How about you telling me you loved me, fucked me, and then just left? What was I supposed to think? Did you just want one last easy lay before you skipped town? Was that what it was? If you didn't think I felt cheap enough already being your secret little mistress, let me tell you, after that night, I really, really started to feel it."

"—no of course not, I never meant for it to be like—" Kurt was trembling, his eyes were stinging, and he felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest.

Blaine stepped forward one last time, barely a foot away from Kurt. "Then what—Kurt, if you would please enlighten me—the hell are you doing here?"

Kurt really did start to cry just then, not even able to look Blaine in the eyes. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as he inhaled sharply and loudly despite his efforts to stay silent. He wanted desperately to bolt out of the room right then so he wouldn't have to hear Blaine's harsh words, but he reminded himself that he was here to say something—and he wasn't leaving here without Blaine knowing it.

Blaine's eyes softened for a millisecond as he saw Kurt's tears start to fall. He let out a breath of frustration and turned to walk to the other side of the room, his hands raking through his curls.

"Just go Kurt, I've had enough." Blaine muttered, turning away so he wouldn't have to see Kurt crying.

"Blaine…" Kurt choked out, barely loud enough for him to hear, "Blaine wait. Please. I need to say something-please."

Blaine turned around to face Kurt slowly, "What is there more to hear Kurt? I feel like I've heard it all. What could you possibly say that will make this situation any better?"

Kurt tried desperately to compose himself and say what he'd come here to say. He wiped at the stubbornly falling tears and steadied his breath until his breathing was heavy and slow. He lifted his eyes to meet Blaine's across the room.

Kurt took a deep breath before beginning.

"You were right. I was selfish. I was very, very selfish—on many accounts. I was selfish because I couldn't leave Josh. I wasn't brave enough to come clean to him like you did with Danny. I was selfish because I fled as soon as I could so I wouldn't have to face you again..." Though he was still shaking, Kurt's mind began to clear up and he was determined to make sure Blaine heard this before he went back to LA.

Blaine listened in silence.

"I was especially selfish when I made love to you that night. Yes—made love—not just fucking, or an easy lay," Kurt shuddered at what Blaine must have thought his intentions were that night, "I did it because, I wanted to one last time before I left. I wanted to be with you one more time before I let you go—and that was incredibly selfish on my part."

Blaine's eyes never broke away from Kurt's, but his expression was still hard. Kurt felt uneasy with the dark eyes narrowed at him at he spoke, but at least he was listening now.

Kurt cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "But what you don't understand, and what you may never understand is that I didn't choose him. I could never choose him while I had you. I loved you, and I wanted to be with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you! I couldn't get you out of my mind for months when I should have been trying to figure out my life with Josh. I spent all that time trying to figure out who to choose—but I realize now—I did choose, I just…I was too scared to admit it."

Blaine's eyes softened and fell to gaze at the floor, but he still didn't speak.

"I so desperately wanted to just run off with you, but—but I still cared about Josh. He hadn't done anything wrong, and he still wanted me even after he found out about you—for a little while at least. And the guilt was overwhelming."

Kurt took a deep breath, his eyes still locked on Blaine, even though it seemed Blaine could no longer meet his eyes.

"I didn't leave you because I wanted Josh. I left because you were better off without me. I know you don't get that part but, to me, I had to do it." Kurt's lips curled into a sad smile, "You're a kind person, Blaine. You're kind, gentle, and loving. You always were, and—I know—you still are." Kurt swallowed. "I was afraid I would break that genuineness about you that I loved so much. Even now, you've become so bitter and angry—and I know it's all my fault. I hate that."

Blaine could feel his eyes starting to dampen as he listened to Kurt speak.

"I am selfish Blaine. I'll admit that. But I will never let you believe I didn't love you. I really need you to know that. And I mean I still…" Kurt trailed off.

"What?" Blaine asked softly, when Kurt didn't finish, gazing at him from across the room.

Kurt smiled bitterly, and averted his gaze to one of Blaine's paintings, "I'm still selfish. I still want to be with you. I still want that damn house with the fence and the dog. I still want to beyours, and I still want you to be mine. I still love you Blaine. I'm still in love with you, and I will be for the rest of my life. What I feel for you is something I could never feel with anyone else—ever."

Blaine's eyes widened.

"But I'm done. I'm done being selfish. I've hurt you more than I could even begin to imagine. I've put you through so much." Kurt took a shaky breath, "I just—I came here today to tell you that….I want you to be happy. No—I need you to be happy. I ruined so much of your life, and now, you need to move on and be happy, and find someone who deserves you—someone who won't hurt you…like I did."

Kurt could feel the tears starting to well up again.

"I know I ruined us, but I won't ruin you. I want you to be happy Blaine, really, really—genuinely—happy."

Blaine gazed down at the ground for a few moments. He could feel Kurt's hazy eyes on him, waiting in anticipation for him to say something in response. He should say something—he knew hehad to say something. But he couldn't find the right words, so he just…stared at the floor.

Kurt sighed and took one last look as Blaine, his footsteps echoing through the room as he walked towards the door.

Blaine stared at Kurt as he turned to leave. He chewed on his lip as he stood there thinking, his teeth digging deeper into his lip. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell Kurt to wait so he could respond to what he'd just said? But then what? How could he respond to that? He didn't even know how he felt about that.

"I can't paint you." Blaine said flatly before Kurt reached the exit, his eyes falling, looked defeated and sad.

Kurt turned around, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wh—what?"

"I can't paint you." Blaine repeated, lifting his head to look at Kurt.

"What does that mean?" Kurt asked slowly, glancing around the studio at the paintings littered around the place as if they somehow held the clue to what Blaine was saying.

"I don't know." Blaine replied. He walked over to the center of the room, Kurt's eyes following him as he did so.

"This painting—I've been working on it since…I don't know…after we kissed for the first time in your office." Blaine said idly, stepping in front of it, his eyes narrowed as he stared at it loathingly.

Kurt walked over to where Blaine was, keeping a safe distance behind him, but still in view of the painting.

It obviously was a painting of him, but if you told him it was some random model, Kurt probably would have believed you too. It was rather vague in detail, but perhaps it was because it wasn't even complete. Only the eyes and some shading on the face and hair were done, and it looked like it'd weathered quite a bit over time. The edges were a little wrinkled, and the canvas was a little dusty. Kurt thought it was beautiful.

"I've never been able to get it right." Blaine said, more to himself than to Kurt. "Even though I couldn't get you out of my mind—when we started our thing, when we had our secret meet ups, when I was going through troubles with Danny, and even when you'd promised to leave Josh so we could be together—you were always on my mind. But, I was never able to get it right even then—and I still can't. I've tried dozens and dozens of times, but I couldn't even bare to look at them—they were that bad. This is the only one that's still here. I guess someone sent it here from New York."

"I—I'm sorry." Kurt whispered, not knowing how to respond.

Blaine broke his gaze away from the painting and turned to look at Kurt.

"Now that I think about it though, I think I might have figured out why I could never get it right. It was because we were never right. In the beginning, you didn't want me, because, well, we were both engaged. When we started seeing each other irregardless, you were never really mine to paint. When you told me you were mine, I still knew you were with him. And then you left me, and then I knew you weren't mine…which is why I still can't paint you."

Kurt blinked. He could see the distress on Blaine's face as he stared bitterly at the painting.

"But Blaine, it's okay, it doesn't matter. You're a brilliant artist. You're talented and creative, and…your work is magnificent." Kurt looked to the painting still propped up on its easel, "This isn't worth your time."

Blaine shook his head, "You don't understand Kurt. This—this bothered me. It—it nearly drove me insane. My art is my passion, and my soul. It killed me inside that I couldn't paint you. You." Blaine's eyes were burning hazel gold, "How could I not paint someone who was my passion and soul?"

Kurt stood there gaping at Blaine incredulously, feeling his emotions flooding his entire body.

"You weren't mine. You weren't mine to have. I was foolish to think you were," Blaine's eyes fell sullen as he shifted his glance back to the painting.

"Well…" Kurt cleared his throat, tilting his head to look past the back of Blaine's head and at the painting and said softly, "In my mind, I've always been yours. I love you Blaine. It was you, always just you. I'm sorry I didn't show it—things were complicated."

Blaine turned to look at Kurt, his eyes burning hazel and gold.

"I've never loved anyone like I love you. I don't think I ever will. You had, and will forever have my heart Blaine. I know it probably doesn't mean much to you now but, you're the love of my life."

Kurt smiled sadly, "and your painting is beautiful, Blaine," he said simply, looking distantly past Blaine, his eyes focused on the painting, not noticing Blaine's glowing hazel eyes locked on him. "It really is."

Blaine stared at Kurt incredulously, his mouth falling open slightly.

"I—you…" Blaine began, unable to turn his gaze away from Kurt, his eyes just blazing.

In an instant Blaine was striding toward Kurt, seizing him by the waist and pushing him back against the nearest wall of the studio—practically slamming him against it—and kissing him hard.The nearby shelves shook on impact, and a few paintbrushes fell to the floor. Something in Blaine just snapped and suddenly his lips were roughly pressed against Kurt's as he pinned him against the wall, his hands reached up to cup his cheeks.

Kurt was very taken aback from Blaine's unexpected kiss, his hands immediately pressing flat against the wall. His heart was pounding in his chest and practically ringing in his ears as he felt Blaine's hands slide up his body to cup his cheeks. He could feel all the blood flushing to his face at the touch, and he seemed to forget how to breathe. He couldn't even move.

But the moment was over as quickly as he begun and Kurt felt Blaine's hands slip from his face, and his soft lips break away from his.

Blaine was breathing hard, his hand now pressed firmly against the wall next to Kurt's face as he leaned against it. He had his head ducked down—nearly resting on Kurt's shoulder—refusing to meet the flustered blue eyes peering at him, completely stunned.

What had he just done?

The room was silent with nothing but the sounds of their heavy breathing.

Blaine took a shaky breath, unable to look up at the man he still had pinned to the wall. He needed to steady his breathing and just think for a sec—if he'd learned anything from this entire thing with Kurt, and everything that he's had to go through because of it—it was not to act on impulses.

He wasn't going to drag them into this again. And as much as Blaine wanted to finally be able to hold onto Kurt again after so long and just kiss him…touch him—he knew he shouldn't. Hecouldn't. He wasn't doing this—not again. He'd gone through too much to do this again.

Blaine could feel Kurt shifting uncomfortably against the wall, not knowing what to do with Blaine's weight still pressed against him.

Blaine pushed away from Kurt, and just collapsed on the floor beside Kurt, his head hanging down, back against the wall, and his hands folded behind his neck in frustration. He pulled his

Kurt slid down the wall uneasily, his knees giving out as soon as Blaine stepped away, still feeling rather shaken up from the drastic change of events. He glanced over at Blaine hesitantly—he looked like he was having some sort of internal battle with himself, his eyes squeezed together tightly, and lips pursed together tensely.

Kurt didn't know what to say—if he was supposed to say anything at all. He took a deep breath, his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared idly at the ground. How did this happen?

They sat there for a while. Blaine hadn't budged, and Kurt didn't say a word.

Blaine growled suddenly, his eyes blinking open and scanned around. His eyes locked on Kurt, who was now sitting right beside him.

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, and looked at Blaine intently, waiting for him to say something—anything. There was a mysterious glint in Blaine's hazel eyes as he stared back at misty blue ones. Kurt couldn't read it, but it was making him even more uneasy than he already was.

"Blaine is everything al—" Kurt began after an uncomfortably long period of silence.

"—I'm sorry—" Blaine said at the same time, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them, and turning slightly to meet Kurt's eyes.

The two of them looked at each other for a second, feeling the tension starting to build between them again.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I shouldn't have done that." Blaine muttered, looking away and resting his forehead on his hand.

Kurt shook his head, "No, no…it's um—it's okay. I just don't really…understand…" Kurt trailed off.

"Well, that makes two of us." Blaine stated flatly, his eyes falling to the ground again.

"Why did you do that?" Kurt whispered, peering at Blaine, his head cocked to the side.

Blaine couldn't answer, and once again silence hung over them, penetrated only by the sounds of the car or two that happened to drive by, and the distant buzz of the city beyond the walls of the small art studio.

"I don't know," Blaine replied, as he got to his feet, "…but I think need some air."

Kurt watched Blaine stand up and walk towards to entrance. He let his eyes fall for a moment. He was still feeling rather light headed from it all. He jumped slightly at the sound of Blaine pushing open the main door and stepping out into the cool San Francisco air. It took a moment, but eventually Kurt scrambled to his feet to find where Blaine had gone off to.

Blaine was standing out in the front, his hands clasped behind his neck again as he paced back and forth, muttering something to himself under his breath.

Kurt stood at a safe distance, wringing his hands as he watched Blaine pace.

Kurt didn't know what to think at this point. His lips were still tingling from—from that kiss. Kurt had almost forgotten that jolt of electricity he felt whenever his lips met Blaine's. He forgot how soft Blaine's lips were, and how they always seemed to fit into his just perfectly. He'd almost forgotten the way one of Blaine's hands would touched his cheek, while the other had trailed down to his collarbone—it was amazing. He'd missed that feeling. He missed it all. He missed the way Blaine stared into his eyes right before he kissed him, and then feel that light brush of his eyelashes grazing against his cheek, and—

Just then, Blaine stopped pacing, and strode forward to Kurt. In one swift movement, Blaine wrapped one arm behind Kurt's waist, pulling him close. Kurt's breath hitched as Blaine pressed their foreheads together. He could feel Blaine breath against his. In a split second, Blaine caught Kurt's mouth in his.

Kurt's brain turned to mush, and all he could manage to do with fist his hands into Blaine's shirt, trying to pull him even closer, if possible. Blaine's other hand came up to rest on Kurt's neck, his thumb reaching up to stroke Kurt's cheek.

Again, the kiss didn't last, and Blaine released him, leaving Kurt stunned, confused, and just about trembling from this whirl of sensation and emotion.

Blaine spun around, his back turned to Kurt, with his hands tangling in his hair as he screamed.

"DAMN IT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing down the street.

Kurt was still shaking, as he hugged his arms across his chest. What was Blaine doing? First he kisses him, and he doesn't say a word. Then he kisses him again, and now he's screaming angrily for the whole block to hear? What the hell was going on with him and all his mixed signals? Kurt wanted to cry, or yell at Blaine for messing with his feelings—even though he knew that this was probably only a fraction of the emotional turmoil Kurt had put Blaine through. Perhaps he was just toying with him. Maybe this was some sort of sick revenge plot to get back at him for the way—

"GOD DAMN IT!" Blaine cried out again, turning around again and storming up towards him once again.

Blaine's eyes were blazing as he his hands grabbed onto both sides of Kurt's arms, and stared at him intensely.

"Damn it Kurt…" Blaine whispered, his eyes tearing up angrily as his grip tightened and he looked into Kurt's eyes desperately.

Kurt could see the anger quickly draining from his face and replaced by vulnerable tears of fear and frustration.

"Blaine…" Kurt said shakily, his lower lip quivering as he felt his own emotions starting to spill over.

Blaine tried to blink away his tears—but no luck. They rolled down his cheek nevertheless, even despite his stubborn efforts to wipe them away before Kurt could see.

Kurt reached out and grabbed his hand as he tried to wipe at his eyes once more, and tilting his head down to try and meet Blaine's eyes.

"Stop." Kurt whispered, feeling Blaine starting to tense up.

Kurt was blinking furiously as well, his own eyes beginning to look glassy. "What—what's happening right now?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt, and swallowed hesitantly, his eyelashes wet with tears.

"I meant what I said yesterday," Blaine murmured under his breath, "I am still in love with you. I feel it whenever I look at you. I feel it whenever I even think about you." Blaine looked up slowly to meet the Kurt's gaze. "But I don't want to. I shouldn't. I…really shouldn't." Blaine shook his head, "We—us—it was painful. It was one of the most painful experiences i've ever had to go through. I can't do that again. I thought that if I ever saw you again, I'd just feel the pain that you caused. I thought I could take one look at you and just feel…hatred. And if I did, then I could finally get over you. I could just move on!"

Kurt bit his lip as his eyes squeezed shut, releasing the flood of tears that had been swelling beneath his eyelids.

"But I don't. I don't feel it. I look at you, and I just—I just…" Blaine looked away bitterly. "You came in today. You just walked right in. And when I saw you there, standing in the doorway. My heart stopped for a second. It really did. And I hate that. I hate how you still have that effect on me. I hate how—despite everything—you still managed to take my breath away when you step into a room."

Blaine was looking at him angrily, but Kurt could see the pain behind it all. Kurt could always see the pain masked behind the anger—and it killed him inside knowing he was behind it.

"I never stopped loving you Blaine…" Kurt whispered. "I said it before, and I'll say it forever. I love you."

"But then I think about everything that's happened. I think about how foolish I was for agreeing to see you, even though we were both in relationships," Blaine continued, disregarding what Kurt had just said.

Kurt reached out to take Blaine's hand hesitantly. "Blaine…please…"

Blaine turned away, pulling his hand away stubbornly, and taking a few steps away from Kurt.

"…And I think about how stupid I was to think I could just see you until one of us got married, and just move on like it never happened." Blaine was blinking back tears again, but Kurt couldn't see them with his back turned to him.

"I can't stop thinking about what could have been. I can't stop thinking about your promise, and how you broke it—just like that! I will never be able to forget that morning when I woke up and realized oh, you weren't coming back." Blaine could feel Kurt walking towards him slowly.

Blaine's eyes squeezed shut as he felt Kurt's hands intertwine with his from behind, but he didn't pull away this time.

"But…I still am in love with you…and I don't know why." Blaine said, so softly it was barely audible.

Blaine turned around, slowly lifting his eyes to meet Kurt's.

Kurt looked into the misty hazel eyes, rimmed red from crying.

"I don't know what to do Kurt," he whispered, his voice hoarse, "I just…I don't know what to do."