We Aren't Who We Were

Chapter 12

Kurt was pressed up against the wall, Blaine's hot breath against his neck.

"Oh god…" Blaine moaned, his voice scratchy and low as he brings his hand to the nape of Kurt's neck and moving to Kurt's lips, kissing him rough and deep. Kurt moans against Blaine's hot lips, his hips pressing forward and Blaine groans into his mouth, biting down on Kurt's lip.

Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist, gasping as Blaine slowly started trailing tiny kisses down his neck, while his free hand moved up along his thighs, sending shivers down Kurt's spine.

Kurt leaned forward to nibble on Blaine's exposed shoulder when he caught a pair of deep brown eyes staring at him. Kurt could feel his heart racing as the figure emerged from the shadows, walking toward the pair, pressed up against each other. Kurt could feel Blaine still hungrily attacking his neck, growling huskily into Kurt's ear, his back turned away from the stranger.

Kurt's eyes went wide in panic as the figure continued to approach, the glowing auburn eyes coming closer and closer, glowering at him.

"I love you Kurt..." Blaine whispered, completely unaware of the approaching person behind him.

Kurt struggled behind Blaine's grasp, his eyes locked on the oddly familiar brown ones before him.

Kurt could feel his hands shaking as he choked out..."Josh?"

Kurt's eyes shot open, the bright beams of sunlight streaming in through the slightly angled blinds. Kurt could feel his heart thudding beneath his chest, and feel his body breaking out into a cold sweat. Kurt tried to still his heavy breathing, but no such luck.

Kurt nearly yelped out loud when he felt a rustle beside him, and an arm surreptitiously wrap around his stomach.

Josh groaned and turned over to face Kurt. "Babe, are you alright?"

Kurt's face went pale as he stared into Josh's hazy brown eyes. "Oh, no—nothing. It was just a bad dream," Kurt stuttered, forcing a smile.

Josh smiled sleepily, lifting himself up for a moment to plant a soft kiss on Kurt's hair, before flopping back onto the bed. "It's still early, go back to sleep," Josh mumbled, as he turned back onto his side.

Kurt sat up, and stared at the man beside him, starting to feel the strong sense of guilt paining his gut. Kurt let out a soft sigh, shaking his head, and slipped out of the bed.

What am I doing? Kurt asked himself, as he splashed some cold water on his face and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Kurt stared idly out the taxi car's window, unable to shake that dream out of mind. He could barely look Josh in the eyes during breakfast, his heart would start to pound every time he caught a glimpse of those deep brown eyes—immediately flashing back to the glowing eyes staring at him, walking closer, and closer, the eyes getting brighter, as if staring right through him.

Kurt could feel the sweat beading on his forehead just thinking about it. He'd left the apartment as quickly as possible without stirring too much suspicion, making up an excuse about having to go to the office early.

It'd been a week since that day at the coffee shop with Blaine, when he'd finally made up his mind to follow his heart, and that he had to tell Josh the truth about him and Blaine, because honestly...it was Blaine. How could Kurt ever let that go?

Kurt couldn't string Blaine along anymore, it was beginning to seem almost cruel.

Blaine had done it. He'd come clean to Danny—so why couldn't he just do it already?

Kurt could just imagine the look on josh's face—a look of utter horror, betrayal, pain.

Oh god how was he going to do this?

"We're here, buddy," the cab driver grumbled, pulling up in front of Kurt's office building, and interrupting his thoughts.

"Umm, right, thanks!" Kurt replied a little disheveled, and climbed out of the yellow car.

Josh groaned as he fumbled through the drawer, desperately searching for his wallet. He thought he'd thrown it on the counter like he usually did, but it wasn't there this morning.

After another late night at work, his mind was too hazy to even recall half of what happened last night. All he remembered was getting home, stripping off his constricting business attire, tossing them in a pile on the closet floor—making a mental note to pick it up in the morning to avoid a disgruntled Kurt, who hated when he threw his clothes like that—and passing out on the bed in an exhausted heap.

Wait. Is that Kurt's wallet sitting on the dresser?

Josh sighed. In his rush to work this morning, Kurt had probably grabbed his wallet by mistake. Josh picked it up, with intentions to leave it on the counter in case Kurt rushed home to pick up his own wallet when he realized the one he'd grabbed wasn't actually his—when a small plastic card fell out from between the flaps of the leather wallet.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows together as he bent down to pick it up, turning the card around in his hand.

Why did Kurt have room key to the Marriott hotel in his wallet?

It was nearly 2 in the afternoon when Kurt left the office to go meet Blaine. They still continued to meet at the Marriott so that Kurt didn't have to go all the way down to Brooklyn during the day, and Blaine could just go straight from the site where he'd been setting plans with a small construction team to finally open his own-out-of-home art studio. He'd been saving up for his and Danny's wedding and well...that was that. Blaine had bought a small building in the city, and had begun renovation on the place just days after deciding to purchase it.

Kurt knew Blaine had been patient about him taking a little bit of time to break the news to Josh, but Kurt still felt the same overwhelming guilt when he saw Blaine, knowing that he hadn't yet told Josh the truth.

Kurt shook the thought of his mind as he walked through the hotel hallway toward him and Blaine's room. He was going to tell Josh soon. He was. But right now he was meeting Blaine...Blaineand soon they won't be meeting in some hotel anymore—and Kurt couldn't help but smile a little bit. Soon...soon they could just be...together, without any more lies, or secrets.

Kurt reached into his bag for his wallet to get the room key when—oh shit. He'd grabbed Josh's wallet this morning. He must have been in such a hurry to get the hell out of the apartment he'd mistakenly taken Josh's instead if his own.

Kurt sighed and knocked on the room door, hoping Blaine had gotten there before him, and get to avoid standing awkwardly in the hallway until he arrived.

Kurt stepped back a little when the door swung open suddenly, and he was face to face with Blaine smiling cheerily at him.

"Hi," Blaine said happily, pulling Kurt into the room and kissing him on the lips.

"Hey," Kurt replied, laughing as Blaine spun him around and wrapped his arms him from behind, his hands settling on his waist, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder, and kissing him lightly on the neck.

"I missed you," Blaine murmured into Kurt's ear as he nuzzled Kurt's neck with his nose.

"It's been two whole days, I don't know how you survived," Kurt replied sarcastically, trying to suppress a giggle from the way Blaine's stubble tickled his neck.

Blaine's hands slid lower on Kurt's hips, "it was like torture..."

Kurt rolled his eyes, but smiled affectionately, as he rested his own hands over Blaine's and leaning back as Blaine continued to nip at his neck.

"What have you been up to all morning?" Blaine asked, when he finally let go, grabbing Kurt's hand and plopping down onto the bed, patting the spot beside him, signaling Kurt to sit down.

"Honestly? I just bought almost half of Prada's new belt line...I would have bought the other half, but I had to come meet you." Kurt replied nonchalantly, though a small smie was creeping onto his face.

Blaine nudged Kurt playfully in the side, "Oh really? Sounds like someone's working way too hard."

Kurt shrugged, "Things cool down a lot after fashion week...Stuff doesn't start picking up again for another few weeks, so what better way to spend my time than ordering accessories from a catalog?"

Blaine smiled leaning over to rest his head on Kurt's shoulder. "I don't think all your ties alone could fit in my loft."

Kurt petted Blaine's unruly curls, his fingers tangling in the soft mess, "Well, we'd just have to turn that home art studio into a second closet now, won't we?"

Blaine sat up, staring at Kurt, pretending to look horrified. "My studio? Are you crazy? You fashion monster!"

Kurt kissed Blaine on the forehead, "You're so sweet with your words, Blaine Anderson."

Blaine grinned and flopped down to rest his head on Kurt's lap, staring up into Kurt's shining blue eyes.

"Oh that reminds me—how are the renovations going for that place you bought? They started yesterday right?" Kurt asked, a hand resting on Blaine's cheek, his thumb rubbing over his cheekbone.

Blaine's eyes fluttered shut, "Yeah...and let me tell you Kurt, that craphole is going to look fabulous by the time I'm through with it."

Kurt smiled, "Oh tell me more Blaine, tell me more!" he replied sarcastically, trying hard not to laugh.

Blaine swatted at Kurt's face, his hazel eyes staring up at Kurt with amusement. "Just you wait Hummel, your mind will be blown when you see the place. It's going to be awesome!"

Kurt laughed, and leaned down to kiss Blaine on the nose. "Yes baby, I know."

"Hello, Marriott hotel, how may I help you today?"

Josh sighed, sinking down onto the bed, and pulling his tie loose. "Uh hi, I was wondering if you have a "Kurt Hummel" staying with you guys, or have—have some sort of like...record of his stay."

Josh didn't want to jump to conclusions. There could be a million and one reasons why Kurt had a room key to the Marriott, but he didn't want to bring it up with Kurt unless there really wasanything to bring up. He didn't want to call Kurt out on something that was just a misunderstanding.

"Oh yes, it seems Mr. Hummel has been staying with us on and off a little over a month—he's actually with us now! Would you like me to connect you to his room sir?"

Josh took a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, and squeezing his eyes shut. "Yeah, uh no, no it's fine. Thank you for your time."

Josh raked his fingers through his hair. No. He couldn't be.

Josh took a deep breath and with trembling fingers, dialed Kurt's office.

"Hello, you've reached the Vain Magazine offices, my name is Lucy, and how may I assist you this afternoon?"

Josh sighed, "Hey Lucy, It's Josh. Is uh—is Kurt there? I have to talk to him."

"Um, sorry Mr. Peterson, Kurt's...out...for the time being."

Josh could hear the anxiety in Lucy's voice. "Is he...with a client?"

"Yes!" Lucy replied, a little too quickly, "Yes, he's—he's in a meeting with a client as we speak—doing a—a very important interview."

"I thought you said he was out." Josh said tiredly, not knowing why he was still going along with Lucy's charade, despite her obvious panic and poorly said lies.

"He—he is. He's out at another, um client's place for a meeting." Lucy stuttered.

"Alright Lucy, thanks. If he—when he comes back, let him know I called." Josh said with a sigh.

"Of course, Mr. Peterson. I'll let him know."

Josh rubbed his eyes, and tried to steady his breathing. He looked down at his phone, just staring at it for a few moments before finally punching in the last number. His finger hovered over the call button for a couple minutes, and in his mind, Josh asked himself...do I really want to know?

Kurt rolled groaned as he rolled over, his cell phone ringing for what must have been the eighth or ninth straight phone call in a row.

"Who is it?" Blaine asked, propping himself up on his elbows, and turning to look at the phone, still ringing loudly on the table.

Kurt rolled his eyes, picking the phone up and looking at the caller ID, "My secretary Lucy. I told her to just cover for me for a few hours. It's not like there's anything going on or there...things at the office are so slow right now, half the people in the office are basically getting paid to play solitaire and write epic romance novels on their computers..."

The phone stopped ringing and Kurt flopped back down onto the bed. "Finally..."

Blaine laughed and rolled over, hovering over Kurt, and about to lean down for a kiss, when Kurt's phone starts to ring once more.

Kurt groans, and Blaine laughs, rolling back to the other side of the bed. "Just answer it, and maybe she'll leave us alone."

Kurt grabbed his phone off the table angrily, not even looking at it, and pressing it to his ear.

"Yes?" Kurt answered, annoyed.

"Kurt?" Josh's voice asked questioningly, surprised at how quickly Kurt had picked up the phone after just 2 rings.

Blaine snickered on the side, in which Kurt hastily covered his mouth, startling the half naked man beside him.

Kurt shot him a glare, and Blaine's eyes widened, nodding silently in understanding.

"Josh!" Kurt replied, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

Josh took a shaky breath, "Just umm...just thinking about you babe..."

Josh tried to pretend he didn't just hear another male voice laughing in the background right then.

"Oh, how sweet babe," Kurt replied hesitantly, sitting up in the bed, and looking nervously over to Blaine.

"What are you up to?" Josh asked, his voice weak.

"Oh...you know, bored at work. You know how it is right after fashion week. Just sitting in the office, flipping through catalogs. Better clear some room in the closet, I just bought like 20 new belts today from Prada's new line." Kurt said, his voice surprisingly convincing.

Josh bit his lip, "Right. Well alright, I don't want to keep interrupt your...shopping...I really was just wondering if you had my wallet." Josh bit his lip so hard he was starting to taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

"Oh! Yeah I do! Sorry, must have grabbed yours on accident this morning!" Kurt replied, slightly relieved Josh had an actual reason to be calling him.

"Well, I'll see you at home then."

"Alright, bye babe!" Kurt said apprehensively, his eyes darting to look at Blaine once again.

"I love you Kurt," Josh said quietly, hanging up before Kurt could reply.

Kurt removed the phone from his ear slowly, turning to look at Blaine, his face pale as a sheet. Oh gosh.

How could he sit there, taking to his fianc�, while lying in bed half naked beside the man he loved—the man he'd promised he would leave his fianc� for—knowing full well that he was right there listening to him talking casually about belts and wallets and—god he was a horrible person.

Blaine stared up at him with wide eyes from where he was laying on the bed.

Neither of them knew what to say.

Kurt rubbed his face with his hands, and took a deep breath. "Look Blaine—I'm sorry about—l"

"No." Blaine said firmly, sitting up and reaching out to take Kurt's hands in his. "Don't apologize."

Kurt stared into Blaine's hazel eyes. He felt like crying, or screaming, or just pounding his fist against a wall, or something hard and spiky. God, what must Blaine think of him?

Blaine scooted closer to Kurt, and kissed him in the cheek. "It's hard, I know. But I want you. All of you and—"

"I want you too!" Kurt cut in, clutching Blaine's hand desperately, and leaning to rest his head against Blaine's chest. "I want you..."

Blaine kissed the top of Kurt's head, "Which is why I'll be patient Kurt. You chose me, and I love you for it, so...I'll wait. This isn't easy—I would know."

Kurt lifted his head up, and looked into Blaine's sincere eyes. "I love you..." Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry for putting you through this...I'm going to tell him...I will."

"I know...I know." Blaine said softly, his hand cupping Kurt's cheek, and looking into his bright blue eyes.

Kurt sighed, and muzzled against Blaine's warm chest again, trying to blink away his tears.

The penthouse wasn't dark and quiet as it usually was when Kurt got home. Tonight, it was bright and there was a loud clattering coming from the kitchen.

Kurt had a panicky thought that perhaps Josh had impulsively invited his family over again.

"Josh?" Kurt called out, tossing his keys into the bowl.

Josh poked his head out of the kitchen, "Kurt!"

He was cooking. Kurt could smell it, as the scent of Josh's famous Rosemary chicken filled the apartment. Kurt walked into the kitchen hesitantly, looking around at all the pots and pans on the counter, and food cooling on the table.

"You're...cooking?" Kurt asked curiously.

"Well yeah! I thought since we're getting married I might as well you know, get used to it. We can't eat take out forever." Josh said quickly, leaning in to kiss Kurt on the cheek before going back to stirring something in a pot.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. Josh was acting odd. He never cooked unless they were having guests over, or something was really bothering him. Kurt had also known Josh long enough to see that even though a huge smile was plastered on his face, Josh was clearly distressed.

"Did something happen at work?" Kurt asked, lightly touching Josh's shoulder.

Josh continued stirring his pot, not turning to look at Kurt. "Umm, you know work, same old stressful stuff. I'm fine." Josh lied.

Kurt stared at the massive amounts of food Josh was preparing. "Are we...are we expecting anyone?"

"Nope! Just me and you babe!" Josh said distractedly, pushing past Kurt to the oven to poke at his chicken roasting inside.

"Why don't you just uh...go take a shower? Dinner will be ready when you finish." Josh said, his head still ducked in front of the oven.

Kurt nodded, "Uh right! Um, I...I kind of have something I want to talk about later, okay?" Kurt asked, his voice trembling a little.

Josh closed the oven, and turned to look at Kurt, his face a little flushed. "Me too."

"Really? What—what about?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Josh said, taking off his oven mitt and tossing it onto the counter. "well, I've been thinking...and I think we should move up the wedding!"

Kurt's mouth fell open, and he stared at Josh incredulously.

"What?"

Blaine stared at the canvas resting on the easel before him. He was on the brink of either chucking an entire can of paint on it, or just ripping it to pieces.

Why couldn't he do this!

Kurt's half finished face stared back at him.

Blaine thought he was going crazy...why could he just finish it? He desperately wanted to show Kurt one of his pieces—one of him—one that captured his amazingly stunning beauty.

It wasn't like Blaine couldn't paint people, he's worked with dozens and dozens of models before, but for some stupid, stupid reason, he just couldn't paint Kurt!

Blaine clenched his fists together, and took a deep breath before picking up the half painted portrait and leaning it against the wall—where it will remain staring at him, almost mocking him for his failure, again and again.

He'd thrown away most of his sketches, but a few of them still remained piled on a paint splattered table in the studio. He'd kept the ones he didn't distort, the ones that were just never finished.

Blaine ran his fingers through his dark hair, taking a shaky breath before standing up, turning off the lights in the studio, and shuffling down the hallway to his bedroom.

Another day with Kurt, and another restless night wondering...wondering why he couldn't...why he couldn't just do it. Why—no matter all his efforts—he just couldn't paint him. Of all the things Blaine wanted to capture on his canvas, this was something he wanted more than anything else—and it killed him inside, knowing he just couldn't do it.

Life imitating art, or art imitating life?