*

Kurt never thought this would happen to him, at least not at the age of 19. Everything was a struggle now. He couldn't wake up and get out of bed without being forced to, he couldn't eat without someone physically shoving the food down his throat, and when he bathed, he would sit on the shower floor forever without even moving a muscle. It was like he wasn't living anymore. Maybe it was because the one thing that kept him going wasn't living anymore either. Well, at least that's what they all said.

*

It was a cloudy Saturday morning, the air smelled of sweetness and the rain that had yet to come. Kurt was back in Lima for spring break, and now that he and Blaine were officially back together, (thanks to Blaine's courageous decision to win him back with a duet. Their duet.), they were going to spend every single moment of it together, talking about everything that happened over those long, agonizing five months, and relearning everything about each other, especially their bodies.

When Blaine didn't show up at 10 o'clock like Kurt told him to, he didn't think much of it.

Maybe he's still sleeping. Ten o'clock is still pretty early...

When he still wasn't there at ten thirty, Kurt texted him.

To: Blaine

Hey baby... did you over sleep? Are you on your way?

An hour later, when Blaine still hadn't replied or shown up, Kurt tried again.

To: Blaine

Blaine... are you mad at me? Please reply Blaine, you were supposed to be here two and a half hours ago. Just tell me that you're okay. I love you so much! Xoxo.

When another 30 minutes passed, Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He dialed Blaine's number five times, and each time it was ignored on the third ring. Blaine was sure alright. But he blew Kurt off and didn't even give him a reason.

Outraged, Kurt through his phone onto his bed. Why is he mad at me? If there's anyone who should be mad, it should be me! He's the one who broke my heart and I was still kind enough to take him back!

Kurt crawled back into bed and cried himself to sleep. It wasn't worth it. Blaine wasn't worth it.

*

When he woke up a couple hours later, his heart immediately ached. He isn't worth it, Kurt though. You'll get over him. You'll move on. Sadly, Kurt couldn't make himself believe if this was true or not.

*

At dinner, Kurt made up an excuse as to why Blaine didn't show up.

"He called and said he got sick. It's nothing serious, but he just didn't want to give us the virus." He stated in the most convincing way he could.

Burt and Carole both believed it, and the topic changed to some congress issue and Kurt could care less. He was too focused on what he was going to do about Blaine. But for right now, he was going to enjoy being back home with his family.

*

After dinner, all three of them helped clear the table and decided that they would spend the rest of the evening watching a movie like they did back when both boys lived at home. They decided on Brian's Song, basically to make sure Burt wouldn't fall asleep from boredom. Kurt didn't pay attention at all. He bit his nails nervously, trying to decide if he should text or try to call Blaine again. Maybe he shouldn't be so mad at him, maybe he got in trouble, or maybe he ignored his calls because he's actually sick and isn't up for talking. But why wouldn't he at least tell him that in some way, shape, or form?

When the movie ended, Burt yawned loudly. "Now that's what I call a movie!"

Carole laughed. "You only liked it for the football parts."

"You can't deny that some of those passes were amazing!"

Kurt shook his head and laughed at his dad. As much as he tried to deny it, all he really did care about were cars and football. They were all getting ready to head upstairs when there was a knock at the door. Kurt's first thought of who it could be was Blaine. Who else would be knocking at their door at 11:30 at night? He ran to the door, hoping that when he opened it, his Beautiful boyfriend would be there, but what he saw made his heart stop almost right then and there.

"Good evening." One of the men on his front porch said. "We're the Lima Police looking for a Mr. Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt didn't reply. He couldn't. His body was frozen. It wasn't until His dad was right behind him asking what the deal was until all of the events of today clicked into his head.

"We need to ask him about a Blaine Anderson? We believe he's been kidnapped."

*

Kurt sat in the quant grey-blue room, staring at the wall like he did every time. The pictures always fascinated him. Most of them had to do with nature. Giant gorgeous mountains, coved with snow on the top in a valley with every color of wildflower imaginable, and some with a beach, rocky and shelly sand, midnight blue water with traditional looking light houses. But the one picture that caught his eye the most was very simple; a man and a woman, sitting on a dock at a lake, holding hands and kicking their feet in the water. If Kurt looked hard enough, he was pretty sure he could picture that it was him and Blaine. It should be him and Blaine. But it's not. And like everyone who's ever told him, it will never be him and Blaine. And that's the whole reason he's sitting in this small carefully decorated room, trying to be convinced by a man he barely knows that he will never see the love of his life again.

Kurt is shaken from his thoughts when Dr. Folden says his name for the fourth time.

"Kurt? Can you please answer my question?" Kurt turns him head toward him. He looks right into his eyes, and that breaks Dr. Folden's heart. His job is hard, working with broken people who always look at him with blank expressions, always on the verge of tears. "Kurt? How was this past week been?"

After a few seconds he finally answers. "The same." It really has been the same. Ever since that one tragic spring day, everything was the same. Nothing got better, yet nothing got worse. It was all the same.

"Kurt," Dr. Folden asked again, "You don't feel any different at all? Has the latest anti-depressant made you feel any happier at all? What about worse?"

Kurt was still looking at him, but he was like he was looking right through him. Kurt answered slowly. "Nothing. Ever. Helps." He said with his jaw clenched. "Nothing. Ever. Will."

Dr. Floden jotted down some notes quickly and continued, a little aggravated even though he shouldn't be. Kurt's been through a lot more someone his age should have been. "Kurt, it has been 4 months, and you still refuse to talk to me about what really happened. I have gotten most of it from your dad, but you really need to tell me about it too. I want you to get better and be able to move on with your life. You know I can't do that if all you do is give me short answers and get mad when I bring up the truth."

"What truth?" Kurt said angrily, "The actual truth, or the one that you and everyone else has been trying to convince me of?"

"Kurt," Dr. Folden said as he let out a breath, "Blaine isn't coming back, and you know it. They found a body and did a DNA test. It was him, Kurt. It's my job to help you accept that, and I'm trying Kurt, but you also need to try too or you'll never get better."

"He's not dead." Kurt said so simply and innocently that Dr. Folden hated that he has to tell him the truth with every session they had. "He's still out there. I know what I saw that night. You all think I'm crazy, but I'm really not. I know it."

Dr. Folden sucked in his breath and look at Kurt with the most sincere eyes. "You didn't see him Kurt. It was your mind playing tricks on you. He's dead. You even went to his funeral. I know you know deep down what you just told me was just your way of convincing yourself what really happened, didn't."

Kurt looked back at the picture of the couple on the wall. Now, it was him and Blaine. Cuddling on the dock, Blaine splashing water on Kurt and Kurt slapping him for getting his nice clothes covered with lake water. About 30 seconds later when the clock struck three, Kurt looked away from the wall and back to Dr. Folden.

"Blaine's alive." He said almost matter-of-factly. Well, it was a fact. At least to him. Kurt got up and walked out the door of Dr. Foldens office and right down the hall to the waiting room. When he got there, he saw his dad, who looked up from a magazine he was reading.

"Hey sport!" He said has he got up and followed Kurt outside towards their car. "How was it?"

Kurt didn't answer. Like after every session, he didn't talk until he was forced to at dinner. Right now, he was too busy thinking about how one day he and Blaine will actually go to a lake.

*

Kurt couldn't breathe. What had they just said? Blaine's been kidnapped? No. it wasn't true. It couldn't be.

"Wait," Burt exclaimed, "Excuse me officer, Kurt here said he talked to Blaine earlier and said he was sick. There's no way-"

"D-dad," Kurt finally managed to speak. "He's not s-sick. I lied. He was supposed to show up today at t-ten, but he never did. I-i-i thought he b-blew me off, and I didn't want you to get so worked up about it s-s-so I lied."

The second officer spoke up "May we come inside for some questions then?"

Burt and Kurt both hesitated to move aside, but when they did, the officers walked to their living room and sat down, along with Carole. Kurt couldn't move. He was like a statue. With a shove from Burt, they made their way into the room and sat down, waiting to be doused with details of something they never imagined could ever happen.

Kurt was so worried that, if in fact Blaine had been kidnapped, that they would think it was him because of the lie he told his parents. Luckily for him, he has an alibi.

"I'm Officer Wyss," said the first officer. He was short and balding at the top of his head. "About an hour ago, we got a call from a Julie and Eric Anderson who said their son never came home last night. They thought he went to your place after school, and maybe stayed over, but when he never came home today, they called him but each one was ignored. They said they drove by your house, but his car wasn't here, so they decided to wait to see if he would show up later. When it reached the 24 hour mark, they called us."

Kurt felt like he was floating. None of this made sense. How could his Blaine be missing? Why him?

Carole was the next one to talk. "Wait, you said you thought he was kidnapped. How does anything of what you just said lead to that?"

Officer Wyss sighed. "We found his car in a deserted parking lot on the south edge of Lima. In it was a note saying that, yes indeed Blaine was kidnapped. It's strange though, because that's all they left. There wasn't even a ransom note."

The second officer, whose badge has the name of Peterson on it, spoke next. "Kurt, when was the last time you spoke to Blaine?"

Kurt was on the verge of tears. His heart was already shattered into a thousand pieces. Silently, he answered. "I-I texted him last night around ten, telling him I w-was h-h-home from New York, and that h-he should c-come over tomorrow at t-t-ten a.m." The tears were now freely falling down his checks. "He replied w-with an Okay and a s-smiley f-face."

After the officers questioned Burt and Carole, who had no information to give what so ever, they told the Hummel-Hudsons that they would contact them as soon as they got more information. As soon as they were out the door, a heart wrenching sob came from Kurt's throat. Burt quickly walked over to him and held him while he cried.

"They're gonna find him, kiddo," Burt said in a gentle voice. "They're gonna bring him back to you, I swear it Kurt, they will."

To their disappointment, that would never happen.

*

When Blaine Anderson emerged from his house at 7:30 am on March 15th of 2013, he knew it was going to be a great day. The events at Will and Emma's wedding saved him. He and Kurt were finally back together, and for a while, he thought that he dreamt it all. Never in a million years did he think Kurt would actually take him back, let alone less than a year later. Blaine Anderson was the luckiest man alive, and he vowed to never take advantage of that again.

He had one last day of school before a week off, and one last day of being separated from Kurt. His love was flying in tonight from New York. Sadly, he wouldn't get back until late that night, so they decided to make their plans the next day. Blaine could care less when or what they decided to do. As long as he was with Kurt, he would be content.

When he got into his green station wagon, he was surrounded by an aroma of sweetness. He had no clue why, but just assumed it was because of the way the air smelt today. When he was about half way to school, he started to not feel too well. His head was starting to throb, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

"Fuck." He huffed under his breath. There's no way he could be getting sick. He and Kurt were supposed to be spending spring break together.

Maybe it's just allergies.

Blaine kept on driving. He was a couple of minutes away from school before his vision started to go blurry. He quickly pulled over to a parking lot at an abandoned strip mall.

He had no clue what was going on. All he knew was that he felt like he was dying. He was so groggy now that he couldn't even pick up his phone to call for help. All of a sudden, he heard a loud rustling from the back seat. The last thing he remembered was someone shoving a sock into his mouth before the dizziness consumed him.

*

The body of Blaine Anderson was discovered on April 22nd of 2013. There had been a slight breakthrough in the case and it led them to an abandoned barn in South Lima. When the cops arrived on the scene, the barn was in ruins from a fire that looked to be recent. When they finally got inside, they made the gruesome discovery.

Chained to a poll looked to be a body; A body of a victim that had been severely burned to death. All that was left of the person was their bones and a few slaps of flesh still clinging to some of the charred bones.

Everyone thought it was Blaine. The clue they've gotten gave them no reason to think otherwise. While they still had to wait for DNA test result confirming it was him, they decided to call and tell the Andersons the devastating news.

*

Over the long agonizing month that Blaine had been missing, Kurt was actually having some fun today. Mercedes was back in town and they had spent the last couple of days going shopping, watching movies, and going to their favorite restaurants. Even though Kurt was having the most fun he'd has in a long time, it still hurts for him to breathe. He and Blaine used to do all those things together. Without him, he feels so lost, lonely, and scared. He knows Blaine is out there somewhere, and that they will be reunited.

Whenever Kurt got caught in his thoughts, the first things that he would always think about were "What is Blaine thinking? What is he feeling? Is he hurt? Is he on his way home?"

He hated knowing that Blaine, if still alive, must be so terrified. Blaine was always so sensitive. There's no way even if he is found alive that he would be the same Blaine as before.

When Kurt got home from his outing with Mercedes, he walked into his kitchen and saw Burt and Carole. They were sitting at the table, coffee mugs in hand, and not looking up. He immediately felt that there was something wrong.

Kurt felt sick to his stomach all of a sudden. "Dad?" No answer. "Carole?" Still no answer.

When Burt looked up at his with apologetic eyes, that's when he knew it had to do with Blaine.

"Kurt," Burt sighed deeply. "There's no easy way to say this kid." Burt paused for a second, put his head down, and looked back up at Kurt's torn face once more. "They found Blaine."

"W-what?!" Kurt yelled, hopeful. "They found him! Where is he? I need to see him-"

"Kurt," Burt cut off. With another sad sigh, he continued. "They found his body. Or what they think is. He was burned to death, Kurt" He now had tears running down his face. "He's dead."

Kurt didn't even have time to let out a whine before his vision went black.

*

It was quite ironic how Blaine's funeral was being held in a church when he didn't believe in god. His parents knew that, but they wanted the location because the Lima County Catholic Church was absolutely gorgeous. The ceiling was high and arched with dark wooden beams. When the sun shined through the stain glass windows, it looked so magical and peaceful.

Sadly, peace was something that no one had in over a month. When Kurt finally came to after passing out, he couldn't take the pain. He kept sobbing for what seemed days. After the disappearance, a full night sleep hadn't come for weeks and he was rarely hungry. Now that Blaine was confirmed to be dead, Kurt thought that he'd never get one or ever want to eat again.

Blaine was found 11 days ago, and on the 10th, for some reason, Kurt stopped crying. It wasn't that he wasn't hurting anymore 'cause, hell, he felt like nothing was ever going to make him feel good again. But because of all the events that have happened, he just feels numb. As much as he still wants to cry, kick, and scream, it won't happen.

When Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were making funeral arrangements, they asked Kurt if he wanted to be one of the pallbearers. He denied the offer because he just couldn't handle that. Instead, he was offered to give a speech about Blaine. That, was one thing that he could do.

He spent hours trying to find the right words to say. A couple of nights before the funeral, He stayed up until 6 am trying to write his speech, but eventually collapsed from exhaustion like he did almost every night. He decided to just make it up as he goes because he's better at speaking from his heart than a script.

Now, as Kurt walked into the church with Rachel on his arm, he was terrified; he was terrified of seeing the casket, he was terrified that he may just break down and sob during any point during the funeral or his speech, but he was mostly terrified of being so terrified. Blaine wouldn't want him to be, so he tried his best not to.

When they got to the main entry way, he spotted it. It was a normal sized, burgundy casket. Due to the way Blaine perished, it was closed. On top laid a lace cloth with an assortment of flowers. Surrounding it were tons of other types of flowers, mostly carnations and lilies, and potted plants. On a table laid the brochures telling about Blaine's life, and little cards with prayers on them. A stand behind the table was holding a framed picture of Blaine. The picture was very simple. Blaine looked like his normal self; hair gel, sweater vest and all. His smile was simple and sweet, and you could tell someone was cropped out of it.

Kurt felt the tears welling up in his eyes when he saw that very familiar face. How he'd missed those breathtaking hazel eyes. He blinked back the tears as well as he could, and never looked back to that picture. It was too painful.

Kurt went around, talking to friends and family before the funeral started. He gave the crying Mrs. Anderson a hug, and a sad eyed Mr. Anderson a handshake. They had a brief conversation, but it ended shortly because it was too painful for all three, knowing how much they had each meant to Blaine.

The funeral started, and there was a bunch of crying. Kurt was trying his best not to let his dam break. One thing about himself that he hated people to see was his venerable side. Even though he had a 100 percent reason to, he just wasn't in the mood for more pitied looks.

When it was Kurt's turn to give his speech, he got up and walked to podium will wobbly knees. When he knew he had everyone's attention, he began.

"Hi everyone" he began. "I don't really know where to being, but, in case you didn't know, I am- was, Blaine's boyfriend." He didn't know how many people knew that Blaine was gay, or that he was his boyfriend, but right now he didn't care. He was going to tell everyone there what Blaine meant to him, like it or not.

"Blaine and I had been together for a long time. About a year and a half, then we broke up for a few months, but got back together about a week before," Kurt stopped and took a breath. He couldn't say it.

"-Before, what happened." He finished his sentence. "I honestly believe I fell in love with Blaine the day I met him. He took me under his wings, and treated me like I was a normal person. He was always great at making people feel good." Kurt smiled sadly at all the memories. "What happened to Blaine was totally unimaginable. I haven't slept properly since he disappeared. I-," He paused as tears because to fill is vision. "I actually thought that I w-would see him again, but I-i was w-wrong. Even though we are- were, both so young, we were actually planning on g-g-getting married." Kurt was now unable to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks.

"Blaine and I planned our whole lives. Not once did I ever think they would be altered, but because of some messed up freak, that we will find one day, I swear on it," Kurt said with rage so strongly a few people in the audience flinched. "Our big plan will never happen." For the first time, Kurt looked out to everyone watching him. All he saw were either disgusted or pitied looks. The only ones that really bothered him were the pitied ones. He couldn't stand them. He took another deep breath, and decided to finish up.

"I love Blaine, and I will always love him. Nothing, not one thing will ever change that. It's going to be a long, hard struggle, but I will make it." Kurt turned to look at Blaine's casket. "I love you so much Blaine. I'm so, so, so sorry this h-h-happened t-to you b-baby." Kurt let out a sob and fell to his knees. Mr. Anderson and his dad shot up to their feet and went to help Kurt up an assist him back to his seat. When he was finally seated and holding onto his dad while he sobbed, the pastor went back up to the podium, thanked Kurt for his speech, and went on to the next speaker.