July 19, 2013, 5:03 p.m.
Not On My Agenda: Not So Simple
M - Words: 2,083 - Last Updated: Jul 19, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 19/? - Created: Oct 20, 2012 - Updated: Jul 19, 2013 1,066 0 6 0 0
With rehearsals for Cooper's play about to start up again, he's forced to fly back out to LA just days after Christmas. Blaine's sad to see him go, but as Cooper hugs his brother close at the airport, and reminds him once more that he's just a phone call away, Blaine knows that he now has everything he's ever needed from him. He doesn't need to see Cooper every weekend or talk to him every day. All he needs, all he's ever wanted, is Cooper's friendship, and understanding. And he has that now.
Meanwhile, things at Dalton start to look up for Blaine when he returns after winter break. The jocks once again treat him with indifference, his classmates are no longer afraid of engaging in small talk, and his Chemistry partner is as amicable as ever. The students, at least, seem to have completely forgotten to judge Blaine by his father, remembering him instead as the friendly student who always volunteers to run the food drive or is willing to help pick up your books if you drop them on the way to class.
Despite this, Blaine and Kurt still try and make the time to call each other, even if it isn't as often as before. Kurt's busy with more afternoon shifts in his attempts to add to his college fund, and both he and Blaine find themselves in another round of group assignments that require afternoons at the school library. And even on days where Kurt isn't otherwise occupied, Harry will stop by McKinley to ride home with him, or at least call so that they can talk. The result is that Blaine may only hear Kurt's voice once a week at times, and while he no longer needs the daily calls to help stifle his loneliness, he still wants to be a person that Kurt has daily contact with.
Yet, despite their lack of calls, they're still as close as ever, exchanging texts and sharing inside jokes. Blaine trusts Kurt completely. Which is why it's Kurt that Blaine calls when he's struck by his big idea....
Ever since Blaine had come out to Kurt, he can't get Kurt's advice out of his head. Kurt had been right: Blaine shouldn't have to stay in the closet for anyone but himself. And right now he's more than ready to come out. He doesn't care what the world has to say about it - and he realises that, in fact, he hasn't cared for a long time. No, he's just been afraid what the repercussions would be for his parents. But he's had enough of it. He's done with putting the needs of everyone else before his on an issue that should be about him. And his resolution is strengthened further with every time his calls to Kurt are rejected, only to be followed up by an apologetic text explaining that Kurt had been on the phone to Harry. Think about how many relationships you'll have missed out on. No, Blaine thinks - he's not going to let a relationship with Kurt be one of them just because it may affect his father's campaign. Which is why Blaine decides he has to come out to his parents.
But the thing is, deciding to come out and actually coming out are two different things. He still spends time worrying about how his parents will react, and debating just how the best way to do it would be. It's why he doesn't think up the perfect idea until early February. He's laying back on his bed, exhausted, when the thought strikes him. What if he just...casually mentioned it? The reasons he had been getting so anxious about it before, and changed his mind every time he got close to doing it, was because it had all been planned. He'd had time to think about how the scene would unfold, what his parents might say and do, how much abuse he might have to face. But if he just slipped it into conversation when he next had the chance... it certainly at least gives him less to be afraid of.
Blaine glances at his clock. A quarter past five. Kurt should be done at the McKinley library by now. Blaine grabs his phone off his bedside table and dial's Kurt's number.
"Blaine," says Kurt, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. "Well isn't this unscheduled of you? What's new?"
"I've been thinking about how I should come out to my parents," says Blaine.
"Oh," says Kurt, intrigued. "Do tell?"
"I don't want to make a big deal about it, y'know?" says Blaine, staring up at his ceiling. "I mean, why should I have to? Cooper never had to come out to them as straight."
"So...if they don't ask, you're not going to tell them?" says Kurt.
"Not quite," says Blaine. "I mean, I still want them to know."
"Wait, so what's the plan?" asks a confused Kurt.
"Basically, there is none," says Blaine. "Just, the next chance I get to mention it in a casual conversation, I'm going to do it."
"That sounds great, Blaine, but how do you know you'll get a chance to do that soon?" says Kurt.
"This is the Anderson household in pre-election season. I'm sure there'll be ample opportunity," says Blaine. "Looking back, I must have counted at least three times where I could have come out just in the past week."
"Does this mean you may be coming out as a counter to your dad's homophobia?" asks Kurt.
"Quite possibly," says Blaine. Just a couple of weeks ago he'd heard Senator Anderson discussing his anti-marriage-equality stance on the phone to one of his colleagues, and, in hindsight, he regretted so much not saying something like "I guess you don't want to see me get married, then?" after the call had ended.
"Be careful, Blaine," Kurt warns him. "I'd hate to see you get more hurt than you have to."
"You're right," says Blaine. "It's just that I'm done with obsessing over this. I'm done thinking about exactly what to say and imagining how they'll react. I just want to rip the bandaid off, so to speak."
"Well, good luck," says Kurt. "I'll be mentally holding your hand whenever you're doing it."
"Thanks," says Blaine.
"And...Harry just arrived," says Kurt excitedly. "I'm taking him to that ice cream place I took you a few months ago."
"Oh," says Blaine, surprised by the sudden change of topic.
"I'm sorry, Blaine, I have to go. But call again if you need anything?" says Kurt.
"I will. Have a nice date," says Blaine.
"Thanks, Blaine. Talk soon."
"Talk soon."
Just as Blaine had predicted, it isn't long before he gets a chance to come out. Following dinner that Friday night, Blaine and Mrs Anderson wash the dishes as Senator Anderson leans against the cupboards and fills them in on his day's work. Blaine's phone buzzes in his pocket. He finishes on the plate he's drying before retrieving it.
Kurt; 7:35pm: Do you want to come see Wicked with me and my friends next week? We have an extra ticket
Blaine; 7:38pm: Aren't extra tickets reserved for boyfriends?
Blaine dries the next dish his mother hands him while waiting for a reply, hoping that Kurt will answer Blaine's indirect question about the guest list with the information he wants to hear. When Kurt texts back, he's not dissapointed.
Kurt; 7:41pm: Harry isn't exactly the musical type. It's just me and the girls for this one unless you want to come?
Blaine; 7:42pm: I'll think aabout it and let you know
"Who are you texting that's got you smiling so much?"
Blaine jumps at his father's teasing, looking up to see that Senator Anderon is peering over his shoulder at his phone screen.
"It's just Kurt," says Blaine, whipping his phone out of sight.
"Huh," says Senator Anderson, the light-heartedness now gone from his voice. "You two seem to be getting close," he says curtly.
"He's my friend," shrugs Blaine.
"Alright," says Senator Anderson. "I just don't see why you seem to be spending more time with him than Nick and Jeff."
"Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that Nick's mum hates you," Blaine shoots back, despite the fact that he hadn't seen Kurt once since the masquerade. Senator Anderson raises his eyebrows at him. Blaine isn't usually the type to raise his voice at his parents - that had been more Cooper's domain.
"Is that so?" asks Senator Anderson casually.
"Yeah," says Blaine, forcing himself to stay level-headed. If he's doing this, he needs to do it right. He swallows down his nerves, before continuing. "And in any case, I still hang out with Nick and Jeff heaps, it's just that it's nice for once to have someone else who's going through the same sort of stuff that I am."
"I don't know why you can't just be this close with one of the other kids in ourParty," says Senator Anderson.
"Good luck finding someone else in our party who's gay," says Blaine.
And just like that, it's done. He's out to his parents.
Mr Anderson's eyes widen in surprise. Mrs Anderson stills where she is, elbow-deep in soap-bubbles, before turning her head to flicker her gaze between her son and her husband. She looks as frightened as Blaine feels.
"What do you mean ‘someone else'?" says Senator Anderson between gritted teeth.
"You know what I mean, Dad," says Blaine, shocked by the sharpness of his voice. "I'm gay."
"I knew it," says Senator Anderson. "I should have never let you and Kurt get friendly. Of course he'd turn you gay."
"No one turned me gay, dad," says Blaine angrily. "I've felt this way since forever."
"So, what, you just decide to tell people now?" shouts Senator Anderson, a repugnance in his eyes that Blaine's never seen before, at least not directed at him. "You go telling people when we're months away from an election and the polls are showing Hummel on top?"
"This isn't about your stupid election, dad," Blaine hisses. "I'm sorry that I wanted to be honest with you about who I am!"
Blaine stalks out of the kitchen. When he's at the front door, Senator Anderson calls after him.
"Don't you dare walk out that door, Blaine!" he shouts.
Blaine pulls open the door and turns to glare at his father, who's standing in the hallway now, hands curled into fists.
"Why?" asks Blaine heatedly. "Are you afraid I'm going to run around the neighbourhood telling everyone how perfect Senator Anderson's son is actually gay?"
He slams the door behind him and heads towards the gates. But before Blaine's even on the footpath, he hears the front door open behind him. His mother's terrified screams carry towards him.
"Blaine!" she shrieks, and Blaine hears the crack in her voice, his stomach twisting in a mixture of pity and guilt. "Blaine, wait!"
"Let him go, Cecilia, you're just making a scene," says Senator Anderson.
And Blaine's guilt is gone, replaced with pure anger. He whirls around to look his father in the eye, willing himself not to catch a glimpse of his mother.
"Oh yes, because we wouldn't want to give anyone the impression that we're not the perfect traditional family that father wants us to be," shouts Blaine.
And then he's running. Not away from something too difficult, but towards something better - or at least that's what Blaine tells himself. He doesn't allow himself to properly feel, though, not yet. He hails a cab once he reaches the train station, giving the driver the name of a street he's only been to once before. He watches the cab drive away before crossing the road and walking up the path towards the house with the black-barred gates. He rings the intercom, waits....
"Hello?"
"Kurt!?"
"Blaine?" says the voice through the intercom, and Blaine's relieved to realise that that is definitely Kurt. "Blaine, what are you doing here?"
"Kurt, I need to talk to you," says Blaine, his voice steady. "Could I please come in?"
"Of course," says Kurt. "I'll just open the gate, come on through."
The gate emits a buzzing sound. Blaine pushes it open. He makes his way towards Kurt, who's already standing in the doorway looking down at Blaine with concern
"Are you okay?" asks Kurt,
"Not really," says Blaine, his voice finally cracking. He takes in a shuddering breath. "I just came out to my parents, and my dad made it about politics."
"Oh, Blaine."
Kurt closes the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Blaine's shoulders. Blaine's arms find their way around Kurt's back, his head burying deep into the crook of Kurt's neck. Behind Kurt, Blaine senses movement in the hallway - perhaps Finn or Senator Hummel coming to see what's happening. But he closes his eyes to the rest of the world. Because in that moment, it's just him and Kurt, in each other's arms. And in Kurt's arms, he's safe.
Comments
Oh Blaine! I really liked this chapter, even if it was a bit rough. At least Kurt will be there for him!! Also, this update really made my horribly long day much better. <3
Really really late reply I know, but I'm sorry you had such a bad day but I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! x
oh my poor precious angel blaine. i hope kurt dumps harry and then harry can be with louis! also klaine is obviously gonna happen.
Haha! Mmm yes, we all know klaine is endgame ;P
Good for Blaine for coming out to his parents. And I hope he's happy with how it went. It could have been a lot worse; I get the vibe that Mr Anderson can be physically abusive when he wants to be.
Mm Blaine's still got a bit of struggle to go, but don't worry, I believe in happy endings :) Thanks for reviewing!