6.

Kurt found himself in a small Starbucks near Central Park two days later. After the night at the bar he had just fallen into bed, pushing all the thoughts away that were bubbling up inside his mind. The small amount of alcohol in his blood thankfully helped. Blaine had immediately texted him the next day asking when he was going to be free.

Soon Kurt had realized that it was pointless to try to get out of it. So he just decided to put up his shields and have coffee and then go back to his life.

And then he was suddenly there, sitting in front of him in a red pullover and with that everlasting smile. Kurt looked down at their coffee cups that said ‘Kurt’ and ‘Blaine’ in a scribbly handwriting. Seeing that as a kid had always made him feel a kind of belonging. He remembered the ugly Lima bean cups and how he wanted to take them when they were empty and set them next to each other like a couple.

He had to fight rolling his eyes at that thought. What a love smitten child he had been.

Blaine wasn’t hiding his excitement over this little reunion. He was crossing and uncrossing his legs, bouncing up and down and talking with his hands. He had not changed a bit. He was still addictively enthusiastic and he soon had Kurt giggling over his stories of the red-haired guy he met at the bar.

Kurt managed to regain some of his composure when Blaine started telling him about his life at NYU and his studies. He sat back and nodded politely sometimes drifting off to think about his own workload.

Blaine must’ve noticed since he was now leaning back and apologizing. “Oh my god. I keep talking about myself, aren’t I? I’m so sorry. Me talking about business studies must be extremely dull for you. So, go ahead and tell me. What have you been up to since highschool?”

Kurt sighed and remembered the brief summary he had prepared for that exact question. “Well I graduated at the top of my class.” Blaine raised his eyebrows and hummed in surprise. “Wow I’m impressed, you were never ambitious about grades when were friends.”

Kurt ignored that remark and tried not to think of that time when he was too preoccupied with being happy to spend all day studying. “Well, I was young then.” he simply said and continued. “I then got into NYADA and I’ve been there ever since. Always a little ahead of the others and enjoying it very much. I hope to finish in a year and get some jobs to gain more experience.”

“Wow that’s great Kurt. I’m really happy for you.” he smiled. “You became exactly what you always dreamed of, back in your small room with all those playbills you ordered off the internet.” he laughed. “Especially the fake one.”

“Yes well. I was a kid back then.” Kurt shrugged. “Things have worked out, I guess. And I’m grateful. Of course, it’s not as shiny and glamorous as I expected it to be. But nothing ever is.”

When they left the coffee shop Kurt was about to say goodbye when Blaine asked whether he’d like a walk through the park. Since there was a convenient subway station at the other end of the park, Kurt agreed. They crossed the street and were soon strolling down the gravel path in the shade.

“So apart from school, what are you doing for fun?” Blaine asked.

Kurt tensed up a bit and tried to come up with a lie that would sound believeable. “Uhm. Not much, I guess. I don’t have much time, I’m very busy.”.

“Right.” Blaine answered slowly. “So no boyfriend?”.

“Nope.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find someone.” he looked at Kurt for a long time and added “but you’ve met some nice people here right?”

“Yes, actually. My roommate is sweet. I’m lucky in that department…So what about you? I’m sure you’ve made a lot of friends. Blaine Anderson the guy that everyone loves, right?”

Blaine flinched a little at that but he immediately laughed again. “Uhm yeah. I’ve made a lot of friends, really great people. I’m very happy. There’s always a party to go to, always something new to the discover in the city. It’s amazing. No boyfriend yet, though. I just.. “ he shrugged and suddenly seemed serious. “I .. Kurt. There’s this thing that has been bugging me for a long time.”

They stopped at a quiet spot under a tree, the subway station only a few feet away. “Could you.. tell me why you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore? Why you pushed me away?” he looked at him pleadingly. “It’s just.. I know it’s stupid. But I never got over that. Our friendship was everything to me.”

Kurt looked away and tried to estimate if he could run to the subway and make it in time without Blaine catching up. He sighed. “I’d really rather not talk about this Blaine. I’m going to go now. It was nice. Thanks for the coffee.” he turned to walk away when Blaine suddenly raised his voice. “Kurt! Damn it! Would you stop doing that? Would you stop running away every single time I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you?” he said thrumming with anger.

“I don’t give a fuck, Blaine. I don’t need to have ‘conversations’ with you. There’s nothing to talk about. Would you please stop bothering me.” Kurt snapped back, determined not to cave.

Blaine looked at him with tears of anger suddenly shining in his eyes. “I’m not bothering you!! I’m trying to fix things. Why is this so hard to see?” he threw his hands in the air. “I don’t get you Kurt. I never did anything to hurt you. I just.”

“You told me you loved me.” Kurt suddenly said calmly.

It seemed to knock the wind out of Blaine and he stumbled back a little, blinking slowly. “I.. yeah.. I did.”

“Why would you say such a thing. Why would you DO that to us? I just. You know what. I’m not doing this. I will not talk about this old shit. It’s over now. There’s nothing to fix.” he started walking again determined to get to the subway. He heard Blaine’s heavy breathing behind him. Suddenly there were quick steps before he spun him around, his face only inches from Kurt’s.

“Then why Kurt? Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t love me back? Why didn’t you just tell me you just wanted to be friends, huh?”

Kurt just stared back at him unable to answer as Blaine’s hot breath ghosted over his cheeks. “Because it would’ve been a lie right? You did love me back, didn’t you Kurt? Just, just tell me why you didn’t admit it! And don’t lie to me and say that you didn’t. Because I know.”

Kurt tried made a few steps back and suddenly felt anger bubbling up in his stomach. “I don’t have to tell you anything. Blaine. I’m sorry there’s this black little hole in your perfect life that you can’t understand and that’s keeping you from dancing on rainbows or something.  But I don’t owe you anything. And I don’t need to explain myself to you. Just fucking deal with it.” he looked at him coldly.

Blaine grabbed his arm again shaking him slightly, his eyes full of confusion and hurt. “Why are you doing this Kurt? Why are you doing this to yourself? I mean look at you! You look miserable. Don’t fucking lie to me. I know you’re not happy. Would you just get over yourself and tell me what happened to you that made everything so fucked up?” Kurt wriggled out of his grasp and ran away again. Tears started to fall from his eyes and he didn’t want Blaine to see him break.

Suddenly he heard Blaine scream something that made him stop in his tracks and lose every sense of control “YOU RUINED US, KURT! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING WE COULD’VE HAD!”

Blaine had thrown his hands in the air when Kurt spun around and starting making quick large steps back to him burning with fury. He grabbed Blaine’s jaw and pulled him close to his face. “I have. a vagina.” he spat. “ I have a freaking boypussy, if you want to call it that. You said you loved me, Blaine. You never even knew who I really was. We could’ve never been together, you didn’t even know what you thought you loved. We could not have been boyfriends. There was never an ‘us’ for me to ruin. There was no us, Blaine. There fucking never was.” Blaine stared at him with wide eyes not drawing a single breath as Kurt continued. “I merely accepted where my place was. And I sat you free. So don’t fucking ever tell me we could’ve had something.” He let go of Blaine’s jaw and walked away for good, leaving Blaine standing there still trying to process what just happened.

And please don’t contact me again. - Kurt