April 28, 2013, 10:36 a.m.
Hold Me and Sing a Lullaby: Chapter 9
E - Words: 13,334 - Last Updated: Apr 28, 2013 Story: In Progress - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Jan 19, 2013 - Updated: Apr 28, 2013 1,140 0 20 0 0
A/N: Okay, so yeah...I have officially gone crazy. Over thirteen thousand words for one chapter? I might have to rethink this chapter spanning a whole story day thing if this shenanigans happens again. But for now, I really hope you enjoy this crazy long, action packed update :)! Thank you so much, amazing readers, for taking time out of your day to read my little fic here. I am stunned beyond belief at the attention this story has gotten. Now...onward!
Blaine awoke the next morning confused and disoriented. He could hear the rush of ocean waves. He could almost feel the ebb and flow of the rough tide as if it were inside of him. The tumultuous waves hit him in a never ending pulse of pain surrounded by darkness.
And the sand. Blaine could feel sand in his mouth, the seam of his closed eyes...gritty dry sand that trapped him in the darkness. Struggling to open his eyes, he finally won the battle only to be rewarded with light so blinding he surrendered to the darkness again willingly, gratefully. And the waves were relentless. As the tide of pain pulled out, the absence of it was tangible for that one tiny moment, only to have another wave crash over him, beating inside his skull.
As he gained consciousness more fully, the roaring cleared his ears and he noticed the silence around him. He could hear his own dry breaths as they correlated with each pulse. As the pain built, his raspy breath would hitch and as it ebbed, his lungs would expel the air forcefully. Blaine kept waiting for the pain to lessen, for the pulses to slow, but they continued, relentlessly until his next breath was expelled in the form of a weak cry of defeat.
"Blaine?"
The voice echoed softly from far away. But the very nature of the sound was like a balm to him. He used the next ebb of pain to cry out again, beckoning the voice to him.
"Baby? Can you hear me?"
The voice was closer now, and more clear. Blaine could feel a cool, soft hand settle over his cheek. The comforting sensation distracted his system and the next pulse of pain seemed to take blissfully longer to come. Blaine struggled to open his eyes again, dreading the light, but needing to know how to make this pain go away. As his eyes cracked open again, the invading light didn't seem as bad and he was able to see the source of the voice and comforting touch.
Kurt.
As soon as his eyes focused on his husband looking down at him with concern, memories from the night before crashed around him. He had felt this way before. Never as bad, but close. Blaine realized he was hungover. And the reason for his hangover also led to some horrendous decisions last night. Tears gathered behind his eyelids as he scrunched them forcefully together. The pain, his stupidity, his regrets...they were all too much in this moment.
"Blaine, please open your eyes again." Kurt requested softly. "Please love?"
The questioning lilt in the endearment gave Blaine the strength to comply with Kurt's request. The light bombarded him again as he struggled to focus on his husband's form. Kurt had darkened the room a bit by closing the blinds and Blaine was able to keep his eyes marginally open while not increasing the pain too much. Calling him to get his attention again. Kurt held up a glass of water and some medication. Blaine moved the reach for it and was met by a wave of nausea so severe, he stilled instantly. He dropped back into the pillow and breathed deeply until the feeling passed.
"Here honey" Kurt said as he leaned down and placed the medication to Blaine lips. Blaine opened his dry mouth to accept them and was thankful when the cool water followed. The angle was awkward and the action messy, but the resulting flow of water down his parched throat felt like heaven.
When the medicine was taken, Kurt reached out again to cup Blaine's cheek.
"I'm gonna kill Santana. You feel horrible today, don't you?" Kurt cooed sweetly.
All Blaine could manage in response was a whimper. A gorgeous, wry smile broke across Kurt's features at the pathetic sound.
"Here, can I try to help a bit? Let me try something." he whispered.
Blaine saw Kurt reach out toward his still throbbing head and his eyes fluttered closed in anticipation of the touch. Kurt placed both hands over Blaine's eyes, fingers resting on his temples and thumbs right above the space between his eyebrows where the pulsing waves culminated. Blaine felt him apply pressure to that spot. Relentless pressure for a few moments until he couldn't stand it. He could hardly think. What was Kurt doing? Finally, Kurt relented and as soon as his touch lightened, there was a small rush but the pain was gone. The blissful lack of pain brought another whimper in response from Blaine's lips. This time from relief.
"Don't get too exited love, it will only last a few seconds, but it will help until the medicine kicks in." Kurt chuckled.
As soon as the words were spoken, the pain began to build again, stealing Blaine's breath. Kurt noticed the change and began to apply the steady pressure once more. Blaine was no longer worried because he was anticipating the relief to come. Was this magic?
As soon as the rush of relief came this time, Blaine felt Kurt swipe his thumbs gently across his eyebrows and he was brought back to a memory of last night. Had that really happened?
For the next few minutes, as Kurt tirelessly continued his ministrations, Blaine began to remember the night before deliberately. Less fragmented now, his recollections of the night came to him like he was watching a movie...not actually experiencing the events.
The slight detachment was welcome and it allowed him to analyze things a bit. Starting at the beginning, Blaine recalled the cuteness that was Brit and Santana. The warm feeling at the thought of his friends was quickly replaced by dread as he remembered what he said to them. God! What would they think of him today? Blaine remembered being so worried that Kurt was gone for so long and just wanting him there. Then his return...Blaine saw his reaction to Kurt's return in his mind and was sheepish as he recalled the way he forced his husband's arms to surround him.
Some memories were hazy, like the movie had morphed into a reel from the twenties, complete with silence and black spots...but then some were achingly clear. He remembered his declaration to Kurt that he was a bad husband and why. As soon as that thought crossed his mind. The nausea chased away earlier returned full force. How could Kurt even touch him now with what he knew? Maybe he just thought he said those things aloud? Maybe it all didn't happen? Blaine felt so confused and disoriented and he just wanted the feeling to stop.
The boy came back to reality then as he felt the sweep of Kurt's thumbs across his face. Blaine realized that the pain was returning much more slowly now and with less severity. Kurt's touch brought back the final memories of the night, the time when Blaine truly had a hard time discerning dream from reality. This touch was familiar. Blaine thought that this part of the night must have happened because he knew he felt this type of facial massage before and this type of sweetness was too beautiful to even imagine. But then it all became unclear and he thought the rest of his memories must have been a dream.
The dream was amazing. Kurt told him he loved him and Blaine remembered the honest look in his cerulean eyes at the statement. And the kiss. Blaine knew he dreamed that, there was no way he was so bold. Even if this part of the night actually happened, Blaine wondered if it could really be true. How could Kurt love him? He did nothing but take and take while giving nothing in return. Who wanted a husband who had to constantly be comforted, who could never be strong?
Even in the wake of his doubts, Blaine knew he would cherish that dream for a long time. The sound of the words he longed to hear his whole life coming from the lips of his sweet, amazing Kurt was just too much. For always...Blaine remembered the dream declaration was followed by that promise. He felt tears come to his eyes again as he wished everything were true.
"Blaine, I want to tell you something." Kurt began.
The sound of Kurt's voice snapped Blaine out of his reverie with reluctance. No, no, no, no! Please let's not talk about it, please just let me pretend for a minute more that you love me, Blaine thought. God why did he imagine that beautiful scenario! He was so stupid.
"Sweetheart, I know you said a lot of things last night that you probably wished you didn't. You probably think that I am disgusted by you, or hate you...but I want you to know that is absolutely incorrect. Blaine, can you look at me please?" Kurt requested again.
As Blaine opened his eyes, he passively noted that the pain was almost gone. The medicine and Kurt's touch worked wonders and he was starting to feel himself again. Despite the fact that Kurt was saying he was not disgusted, Blaine himself was disgusted and when he finally met his husbands gaze, he was full of shame.
"Thank you, baby." Kurt said with a small smile.
Blaine tried to smile in return but could barely manage a grimace.
"Like I said. I don't hate you. I don't know what you remember of last night but I need to be absolutely clear. I want there to be no more misconceptions between us. You told me about your previous marriage last night. You told me about all of the horrendous things you were forced to do and I need you to know I do not blame you for it. It was not your fault."
Just hearing Kurt say what he knew now made Blaine ready to be sick.
"Stop worrying, honey, I can see it in your eyes. Stop. I am telling you this because I want you to know that nothing you will ever tell me will ever change my views of you. You will still be my beautiful, amazing, perfect husband. I promise."
"P-please stop..." Blaine couldn't help but whisper. His voice felt so foreign, so dry and cracked. He couldn't listen to Kurt say these things when he knew he didn't deserve them, knew they couldn't be true.
"No, no baby. You need to listen. Do you remember what I said last night?" Kurt asked encouragingly.
Wasn't that a dream? How could it be real? Blaine was silent. He couldn't answer, he just looked at Kurt again, trying to meet his eyes and see through the watery haze of his tears.
Kurt was looking at him with eyes full of tenderness. Coupled with that was Kurt's hand which was stroking his cheek lightly again. Blaine was over whelmed. He held his breath just to enjoy this moment.
"Blaine, last night I told you that I loved you...and I do. It kills me that you can't see it, but I will wait until you can and I promise to tell you everyday." Kurt finished gently.
The sincerity in his tone and the beauty of the words stunned Blaine. So many thoughts rushed through his head. Pleading for Kurt to realize his mistake, declarations that he loved Kurt too...so, so much. But nothing would come.
"Okay." was the only thing he could manage.
A flash of something crossed Kurt's features, quickly replaced by a smile. Kurt exhaled then, as if he were holding his breath for a long time.
"Okay. Um, so how do you feel now? Do you want to take a shower?" he asked, lightening the tone and subject a bit.
"Please." Blaine answered. What the hell was wrong with him? Why could he only manage these one word answers?
Kurt got up from the bed then and held his hand out. Blaine took it and cursed himself again as he could barely roll out of bed before nausea hit him. He thought back to the days at the center when nausea was a way of life for him. Everything morning, feeling sick from the nightmares before, the residual self hate bringing him to his knees and making him sick each morning. But that felt like so long ago and he didn't want to be sick today. He fought the nausea with deep gulping breaths as Kurt brought him to the bathroom.
Kurt sat him on the closed toilet gingerly and he heard the sound of water being turned on. Just the sound made Blaine long for the warmth and cleansing the shower would bring. When everything was set, Kurt stepped out of the bathroom leaving Blaine to get in.
Shakily, Blaine rose from his seat and began pulling off his pajama pants. He realized then that he wasn't wearing a shirt and was instantly embarrassed Kurt had seen him like this. Who knows what he looked like? He had eaten his weight in chicken yesterday, not to mention the snacks and Kurt's shared breakfast. He had to be more careful. He must look so bloated. Blaine ran his hands down his chest and stomach feeling for a difference. Had Kurt noticed?
Shaking his head, he finally entered the shower, stepping under the warm stream of water. As always, those first moments when the water lit up every nerve ending with its warmth were the best. Blaine loved that sensation and reveled in in for a moment until his skin became used to it and the feeling was lost. Not wanting to be too much of a burden, he cleaned up quickly with the products available and readied himself to step out. He immediately remenbered then that he left all of his belongings in his bedroom. Again. When would he learn?
Opening the frosted doors of the shower enclosure, he noted gratefully that Kurt brought his bag in while he was occupied. Blaine looked at it curiously. He hadn't even glanced at the thing since he arrived and had no idea what he had been allowed to keep by Hunter. Blaine stepped out of the shower into the still chilled, steamy air. His body shook as he realized he still felt so weak. He wrapped himself up in the towel set aside for him and snuggled into its warm, textured surface before finally going over to survey his meager belongings.
Blaine recognized the bag. It was the duffel bag he used to use for polo practice when he was younger, the one he had hastily packed his things in that fateful day so long ago. Opening it up, his shoulders slumped as he noticed right away it was almost empty. He pulled out each article and recognized them easily as the clothes he used when he cleaned at the center. Each article had a stain or a tear somewhere on it and Blaine was embarrassed that this was all he had. At the bottom of the bag, Blaine noticed a small folded note. With trembling hands, he unfolded the piece of paper and read.
Cinderella,
I hope these clothes are sufficient for your new life. I'm sure your husband has made good use of you by now.
Sincerely,
H
Blaine angrily crumpled the note and dropped it to the damp floor. Couldn't he have anything? What had he done to Hunter to make the man hate him so much? A tiny voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he knew what he did. He failed. In so many ways.
Blaine leaned on the counter and thought of all the things he lost at Hunter's hand. All that man took in the name of restitution. He looked back to the counter and the clothes resting there. His hand ran across the decorative edge of the granite countertop as he contemplated his choices. The smooth ridges of the countertop edge pulled him from his immediate decision as he was reminded of Hunter's lowest blow.
Blaine's eyes fluttered closed as he traced the ridges on the counter and imagined it was the purfling of his long gone violin. The one possession that ever meant anything.
Clothes... Well he was shamed that he had nothing now because Kurt deserved better than that, but his beloved instrument, his legacy from the best man he ever knew...the pain of that loss still stabbed him like a knife. He felt the cool granite under his finger tips and knew it was all wrong, he couldn't even pretend for one desperate minute...his mind knew it wasn't the warm, smooth wood. Blaine smiled slightly at the memory of his grandfather from his childhood. The man was just like the violin, warm, perfectly aged, and comforting. As a child, he remembered running his fingertips across that decorative edging as a he waited for his grandfather to join him in the music room...so much so that in some places the wood was darker, even more impossibly smooth.
After the great man died, he remembered doing the same as he waited for his parents to stop fighting with the lawyer about the estate.
The day he was given that instrument, he placed it on his nightstand and just looked at it through the haze of his tears of grief. He traced the purfling with his eyes and noticed each flaw or imperfection in the wood. He remembered just staring at the instrument in sadness for a long time until he couldn't stand it any longer until finally, with shaking hands, he picked it up. Placing the slim form under his chin, he rested his jaw into the perfectly shaped cup and was comforted.
A knock on the door startled Blaine.
"Blaine, are you okay?"
Blaine didn't answer. He couldn't. He was so embarrassed that he was coming to Kurt with nothing and he felt so stupid to be grieving over the loss of an instrument at a time when he should be grateful.
"Blaine, I'm coming in okay?" Kurt called through the doorway. Blaine hurried to wrap the towel more securely around him as he looked down at the floor in shame.
He heard the click of the door opening slowly and the rustle of Kurt coming into the room.
"What's going on, honey?" Kurt questioned.
"I-I..." Blaine began but he didn't know what to say, didn't know how to explain. He gestured blindly toward the counter and its meager contents. Kurt went to the small pile and began to lift up the pieces, inspecting them. He seemed to notice right away that there was almost nothing usable there.
"Oh, love, are you embarrassed that this is all you have?" Kurt kneeled at Blaine's feet in an attempt to get the boy to meet his eyes. It just felt wrong that Kurt should kneel in front of him and he started to look away but he stilled in horror as Kurt noticed the note crumpled on the floor. Blaine looked on as if he were watching a car crash in slow motion as Kurt picked up the note and flattened it out. He didn't want Kurt to see that. He wanted to stop it but couldn't.
Kurt scanned the writing quickly and a look of pure anger came over his features.
"That piece of shit." he growled as he crushed the note again. Blaine saw him reach up then and braced for the impact as he scrunched his eyes closed. The face always hurt the worst.
The touch to his face was so gentle, so unlike the look of anger Blaine saw a moment before. With his hands still caressing Blaine's face, Kurt rose and raised Blaine's jaw in the process.
"Look at me sweetheart." Blaine was shamed even further. Why did Kurt always have to ask that? Why couldn't he just be a normal person that didn't have such a hard time meeting someone's eyes? Blaine fought his instincts to hide and forced his eyes to open. Meeting Kurt's finally, Blaine was in awe of the array of blues before him.
"Thank you baby." Kurt smiled as he ran his thumb down Blaine's jaw in silent reward. Blaine had a hard time not chasing the touch.
"I really want to take you shopping today. I don't know if you're up for it, but I need you to be comfortable here and I don't want you to worry about Hunter's games for one minute more. Do you think you would be okay with that?"
Blaine blushed at Kurt's tone and unwavering attention. He wasn't sure if he would be okay outside with the people and the noise but he wanted to try for Kurt. He wanted to be perfect for Kurt. Then another thought crossed his mind. Kurt was going to have to pay for things for him. The man who just paid one hundred thousand dollars to save him would have to pay more just to clothe him. He was such a burden. He finally found his voice to respond.
"Kurt, th-that is very nice of you, I don't deserve it...and I don't have any.."
"Blaine if you say money I swear to God." Kurt admonished with a small smile, trying to keep the feeling light. "Sweetheart, please just let me do this. Please just let me care for you this once like this okay?"
Blaine couldn't deny Kurt anything and began to think of ways he could pay him back. Blaine knew that Kurt didn't want his body and that was what seemed to be the most valuable thing he had. He would have to think of something else and resolved to choose things that were very inexpensive.
"Okay." Blaine whispered, scared and nervous about what that consent really meant.
Kurt almost clapped with glee over Blaine's allowance to go shopping. Kurt knew the boy would be a bit overwhelmed today, but it was almost necessary with the events of the morning. Kurt hadn't been that angry in a long time. How dare Hunter get that parting shot in with his husband? Kurt vowed then that he would find a way to take care of him.
At Blaine's consent, he hurriedly ushered the boy into his bedroom and sat him on the bed. Trying to avert his eyes from the beautiful body wrapped only in a towel, Kurt went to his closet immediately. A cursory review of his shelves yielded a few pieces that would be big on Blaine, but would suffice for now. He turned to his husband to find himself with both arms wrapped around his torso as he waited anxiously.
"Blaine, are you feeling okay now?" Kurt was instantly worried that Blaine's hangover was still bothering him. His eyes traveled again over that beautiful body and he cursed himself. Kurt noticed Blaine's fingers flexing where they rested over his ribs and knew something was wrong.
"I'm okay." he answered in a tiny voice.
Kurt was frustrated. He was always frustrated lately, but he knew it was worth it. Baby steps, he reminded himself. Kurt schooled his face to hide his frustration and smiled brightly. He brought the clothes to the introverted boy perched on the edge of his bed and couldn't help but run his fingers along the exposed shoulder lovingly.
"Here are some clothes, sweetheart. I am going to go throw together some breakfast for us and I'll meet you in the kitchen when you are ready." Kurt ran his fingers down Blaine's face once more and tilted it up. He didn't know if this was the right choice, but he vowed to never keep anything like this from Blaine again. He didn't want to pressure him, but he needed his husband to always know.
"I love you, baby. I'll see you in a few minutes." he whispered.
Blaine's answering blush was beautiful. His eyes sparkled unexpectedly. Kurt knew he was the luckiest man alive.
Kurt went down to the kitchen to prepare a light breakfast. He knew that hangovers and food rarely mixed, but some carbs and protein would really help Blaine settle his stomach. He cracked some eggs and whisked them with light cream thinking that Blaine really needed to get back to a healthy weight. Kurt thought his boy was so beautiful, but he couldn't help but notice the faint outlines of ribs when he saw him shirtless or the severely cut muscles if his arms. He was beautiful, Kurt would always think him beautiful, but he also wanted him to be healthy.
Along with the scrambled eggs, Kurt prepared some lightly buttered toast. Placing the offerings on the table, Kurt sat down with some coffee to wait.
He heard a faint rustling coming down the hall and looked up to one of the most adorable sights he had ever seen. Blaine, wearing his too big clothes was so precious, Kurt almost wanted to gather him in his arms and snuggle him like a puppy. Controlling himself barely, Kurt couldn't contain his smile at the sight. Blaine had rolled the slim jeans up above his ankle so the contrasting lining was visible. Kurt had also given him an ochre colored sweater that made his eyes stand out like beacons. God, he was perfect. Lastly, Kurt noticed the slight flush that covered Blaine's cheeks, realizing too late that he was not subtle at all in his appreciation.
Blushing himself, he gestured to the table and looked down with a grin.
"Sit, Blaine. Let me feed you." he said lightly, shaking his head at his crazy behavior.
Blaine moved slowly to the table and sat on the chair, seemingly trying to take up as little space as possible. Kurt hated that he was still trying so hard to not be intrusive and longed for the day the boy would be comfortable. He walked to the cabinet for a plate and served Blaine a small amount of eggs and toast.
He watched as Blaine surveyed the breakfast. He placed a tiny morsel of food on the tines of the fork and tasted it. His small smile of enjoyment spoke volumes to Kurt, but he was confused when the boy seemed to push around the food more than actually eat it. He examined the toast, touching the surface and looking at the greasy smudge of butter on his fingertip. Blaine placed the toast down again without taking a bite. Going for the eggs again, Blaine smiled at the flavor of the small bite with apparent relish. At that moment, he noticed that Kurt was watching him and dropped his fork to the plate with a clatter. He pushed away the plate then with a small smile of accomplishment on his face. Kurt couldn't hold back any longer. He had seen this before and it bugged him every time.
"Baby, aren't you hungry?" he asked.
"No, I'm full now Kurt, thank you." Blaine answered back.
Kurt noted that two tablespoons of eggs wouldn't even fill up a 6 month old.
"Blaine, I need you to eat a bit more, please?"
"B-but I ate so much yesterday, Kurt. I'm okay. I'm still full." Blaine tried to reassure him with poorly disguised longing look toward the plate.
Kurt moved across the room and took the seat right next to Blaine. His first thought was to lecture Blaine on the importance of eating, but he held back because he had no idea where this was coming from. Instead he decided to try the trick that seemed to work yesterday. Picking up his plate, Kurt took a bite of the eggs and smiled. He really was a good cook. He then scooped up another bite on the tines and offered it to Blaine. After a moment, Blaine finally parted his lips to receive the offering. Kurt tried to gauge Blaine's reaction. Was he sick? Was he really not hungry? But he noticed Blaine looked grateful for the food and even glanced at the plate for more. Kurt picked up the lightly buttered toast next. He tore a few small chunks off the slice and ate one himself as he held another to Blaine's mouth. Blaine looked at the toast warily.
"Kurt, there's so much butter on that. Are you sure you want me to eat it?" he asked in a small voice.
"Of course Blaine, I made it for you. And besides, theres only a tiny bit of butter, I promise." Kurt smiled encouragingly and offered the bit of toast again.
He noticed Blaine looked still hesitant but took the bite. He also didn't miss the fleeting smile of satisfaction as he chewed.
And so it went, for the remainder of breakfast, Blaine stopping Kurt from feeding him anymore far to soon for Kurt's liking. Kurt was satisfied, however, that the boy took in enough.
At the end of the meal, Kurt giggled lightly as he noticed Blaine's now fully dry hair. The curls looked so adorable this morning that Kurt couldn't help but reach out and pull one down, watching it bounce right back up to place. As Blaine became aware of where Kurt's attention was now focused he blushed profusely.
"I know, it's crazy if I don't gel it." he said in a self-depreciating way.
"What? No! I think it's so cute baby! It is getting a bit long though. Do you like it like this?" Kurt realized that he might be embarrassing Blaine and he wanted him to know he liked whatever Blaine was comfortable with. If he liked his curls as they were, he would love them too.
"Um, well they are a bit longer than I like but I don't really mind." he shrugged hesitantly seemingly gauging Kurt's reaction to his answer.
"Well, love if you want, next time the girls come over I can ask Tana to give you a trim. She was in cosmetology before she made it big. She's amazing." Kurt left the option in Blaine's hands.
At the mention of Santana's name, Kurt saw Blaine's shoulders slump. He kicked himself for being so insensitive. He could only imagine what Blaine was worried about but he knew it almost certainly had to do with his confession the night before. Kurt thought quickly about how he could reassure blaine. Eventually he decided that only Santana and Brit could really fix this but he rushed to try to make Blaine understand.
"So, I can see you look worried. I won't pretend I know what you're thinking, but I just want you to know that Santana will never judge you. She really cares for you too, Blaine. So if that's what made that sad look come across your beautiful face, I want you to try to get rid of that thought. I promise she really wants nothing but the best for you, like I do."
Blaine's honey gold eyes shined up at Kurt when he heard Kurt call him beautiful. Kurt wracked his brain, did he ever comment on Blaine's appearance before? It was so hard to remember because he knew that before he really never wanted Blaine to think he saw him as an object or viewed him in any of the same ways he had been viewed in the past. At that moment though, Kurt realized he needed to find a happy medium because just the way his husband's eyes lit up at the compliment made him decide right then to let him know how stunning he really was as often as he could.
A loud buzz filled the apartment and both boys jumped at the intrusive sound.
"Oh! That would be the car. Are you ready to go baby?" Kurt strode into the foyer and retrieved both of their jackets. He handed Blaine the pea coat he borrowed at the hotel along with a scarf and hat. It was really getting cold in New York. Kurt looked on fondly as the boy dressed in his outerwear. As soon as he pulled the beanie on his head, Kurt was grateful he even owned something like that. Blaine looked so cute he just wanted to squeak.
Blaine was quiet as they headed through the lobby and met the driver. As they stepped out on the street, he noticed Blaine huddle into his side a bit as the crowds weaved around them. Kurt felt instantly bad. Was this going to be too much for his boy? As the driver opened the door and he climbed into the car, Kurt had an epiphany. He knew it was really short notice, but he hoped his old boss still loved him like she used to. As Blaine climbed in and the driver closed the door behind him, Kurt noticed how visibly shaken the boy was. It was then that he knew he was making the right choice. Grabbing his phone in one hand and Blaine's hand gently in the other, Kurt made a phone call.
After a few rings, he heard the sweet voice that he hadn't heard in a long time but knew he would always love.
"Hello, Isabelle? I really need a favor..."
Blaine was so overwhelmed by New York that he was stunned to silence. He gripped Kurt's hand like a lifeline and hoped he'd be okay for this. He was so worried about letting his husband down. He listened in as Kurt chatted with someone about visiting her closet for him and and then asked the driver to head to number four Times Square. Blaine was so confused at first but just decided to leave it all in Kurt's hands. He was so nervous right then he wanted to be sick anyway so he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing.
When they reached their destination, the driver opened the door for them and instantly the muted sounds were amplified to an overwhelming range. Blaine scrunched his eyes together quickly but at Kurt's gentle nudge forced himself to pry them apart. Blaine had been here before. Faded memories of a school trip so long ago seemed like they happened to someone else. He was so confident then, so different. When they were at street level, Blaine looked up in wonder. He felt so impossibly small here.
Kurt ushered him quickly into a building just steps away. It didn't look like a store at all. Blaine really didn't understand but followed Kurt dutifully into the elevator. He was so happy to note that Kurt never let go of his hand the whole time. Just the warm weight of his smooth fingers between his calmed him immeasurably.
The elevator dinged and Blaine figured they had to be pretty high up. As soon as the doors opened, a dark paneled wall was before them emblazoned in large contemporary styled letters that spelled out "Vogue". Blaine's heart fluttered at the sight and for an instant he was his old self again, pouring over the beloved magazine for style tips and eye candy. It hurt so much to think of himself back then so young and naïve, so he quickly changed his mindset. Glancing quickly at Kurt as he walked purposefully down the plush hall, only one thought would come to his mind then. What were they doing here? Blaine began to falter in his steps with the confusion. Kurt seemed to notice his hesitation and directed him into a quiet alcove in the hall. Kurt cupped his jaw in his soft hand then and swiped his thumb down Blaine's cheek.
"Okay, sweetheart, don't get nervous. We are here to see one of my old bosses and friend. I figured you wouldn't be up to shopping with thousands of other New Yorkers so this is the next best thing...actually I'm truly envious of you right now, but if anyone deserves this, it's you baby. Its a surprise. A good surprise, I promise. Okay?" Kurt smiled at him warmly and Blaine felt his legs begin to work again as he nodded in a daze.
They continued on until until they reached a beautiful lobby. Kurt stopped at the front desk and asked for someone as Blaine waited idly by. Just a few minutes later a petite dirty blond woman rushed up to his husband excitedly.
"Oh my god! It's you! I miss you Kurt! How are you?" she gushed. She leaned in to kiss both of Kurt's cheeks and Kurt reciprocated, never letting go of Blaine hand. The woman seemed to notice the connection then and traced their intertwined hands up to Blaine's face.
"And who is this gorgeous specimen Kurt?" Blaine blushed but felt welcomed by her smile.
"This is the amazing man I told you about. This is Blaine, my husband. He is really in need of a new wardrobe and I was really hoping you could help us out with that." Kurt's smile was so broad at this statement that Blaine's blush only intensified.
The woman introduced herself as Isabelle and made some remarks about how she would love to dress him as she leaned in to kiss both of his cheeks as well. Blaine's first instinct was to stiffen at the touch, but then he remembered that no one here knew how dirty or used he was. He decided to just pretend. He returned the gesture the best he could and marveled at the casual touches that he hadn't known in so long before this past week.
Isabelle turned and walked glamorously down the hall leading them and Blaine was instantly in love with everything dressing her slight frame. He then remembered where he was and by the way everyone greeted the woman he knew she had to be an important figure here. He suddenly felt overwhelmed just being in her presence.
Kurt squeezed his hand then and a calm flowed through him. How could one tiny touch feel like everything?
They entered a room to the end of the hall and Blaine's heart fluttered again. Looking around, he took in the abundance of color and texture with a small sigh. His teenaged self would be in cardiac arrest right now; they were in Vogue's fashion closet.
She led them enthusiastically over to the side of the closet and Blaine saw every type of men's clothing one could imagine. Kurt stepped up to one of the racks as a quiet chime sounded in the room. Isabelle glanced at the phone in her hand and an annoyed look crossed her delicate features.
"Ugh, can they do one thing right?" she muttered at the screen. She hastily turned to Kurt. "I'm sorry, but I have a meeting right now over an issue for this month's major spread. None of these employees are like you. Are you sure you don't want to come back?" she fluttered her eyelids as Kurt giggled.
"If I come back, who will supply you with every Broadway musical ticket your little heart desires?" he said sweetly. Blaine looked on at the easy exchange and was stunned at what an affluent man his husband was. He could probably have anyone he wanted! Blaine realized then that he hardly knew what his husband did for a living. After yesterday he figured it was something to do with a set of a show, but what kind? Could he ask? Would Kurt just tell him not to worry his pretty head like his ex-husband? Blaine instantly admonished himself for that last thought. He was incredulous that even in his mind he compared his beautiful Kurt to Brett. The perfect man was nothing but amazing to him. Even more than he ever deserved.
"Fine! But I'll have you know I would pay for those tickets ten-fold if it meant I could have you back! Okay, well, just pick out what you want and I'll be back in a bit. Whatever you want, okay? This closet can certainly use some thinning out." she smiled quickly and exited the room like a whirlwind.
Blaine tried to understand. Did she just tell them to pick out whatever they wanted here? Kurt turned to him then with a giddy smile.
"Surprise! C'mon love, let's start shopping." Kurt smiled with shining eyes at the bounty before him. Blaine couldn't help smiling back at Kurt's childlike wonder as he looked over the shelves.
After a few minutes, Kurt had picked out some polos and jeans in a few different colors and washes. Blaine stood by and watched his husband work. He kind of understood what was happening now but felt so bad just taking things. What did he ever do to deserve this? He decided to let Kurt make the decisions today.
"Blaine, what about this?" he held up a crisp white button down that Blaine thought was gorgeous.
"Its really nice Kurt." Blaine tried to answer noncommittally. He didn't want to ever seem greedy.
"Okay, honey, I have no idea what your style is so I need some help. Why don't you look around a bit? Pick some things out?" Kurt encouraged.
"Are you sure it's okay?" Blaine asked nervously.
"Of course. I know Isabelle will be insulted if we don't at least take a small wardrobe off her hands." Kurt chuckled.
Blaine wandered over to the racks then. He was instantly drawn to the old colors he used to wear. Bright mustards, purples and reds were at the top of the list and he wondered for a minute if he could even wear those anymore. Currently, Blaine's style is blend in with the woodwork chic. It was a survival thing in his life for the past two years. But oh, how he longed to wear a bright Lacoste polo with a coordinating bow tie. An array of said accessories set on a stark white shelf caught his attention then. Every brand, color, and pattern imaginable was before him like an impossible rainbow. He reached out tentatively and grasped a pink tartan bow tie. His fingers ran over the thick satin as his heart yearned to wear things like this again. But this was too much. What if his style embarrassed Kurt? He decided to just stay with the safe choices. He went to place the tie down and heard an excited squeal from behind him.
"Do you like that Blaine?" Kurt asked him.
Blaine knew he had been caught red-handed. Lowering his eyes to the floor he nodded slowly.
"Oh my God, baby, I love it! Don't tell me you have amazing style too. Did I really luck out this much?" Kurt gushed as he set aside the tie on one of the black islands dotting the space.
Blaine was warmed by his husband's words. No one ever said anything like that to him. He felt like he was the lucky one.
After Kurt figured out what Blaine liked, the pile on the table began to grow rapidly and Blaine began to get anxious. His anxiety doubled as he looked at the Brooks Brothers tag pinned to many of the pieces. This trip was getting expensive. Blaine wasn't sure how this worked, he didn't know if Kurt had to pay for these things or not, but he felt like such a glutton at the sight if the large pile. He also knew from past experience that nothing in this life was free. Who would he be paying back for this?
Kurt held up a pair of boots then.
"What do you think of these, baby?" he asked.
Blaine's anxiety let him only take a quick glance at the footwear but he knew instantly that he really didn't like them. He hated to wear socks and the dark boots definitely necessitated those, plus they were really too contemporary for him. Could he say no? Wouldn't that make him ungrateful?
"Um, yes?" he forgot the actual question with his musings and cursed himself for sounding so unsure. Kurt came over quickly with the item still in hand. He reached back and rubbed Blaine's back in a surprising gesture of sweetness. Blaine couldn't believe how quickly just that touch made his shoulders slump in relief.
"So you don't like them honey?" he asked softly.
Blaine shook his head quickly.
"I-I.."
"Listen, never be afraid to say no to me okay? I know I get overzealous sometimes but this trip is about finding you. I want to get to know who you are, not who you think I want you to be love. I love you." he finished simply and Blaine wanted to swoon. He wanted to say it back. Just...this was the third time Kurt said that impossible phrase to him today and it felt like it was too late now.
"I-I don't like them, Kurt. I don't like socks." was what came out to Blaine's embarrassment. But he was instantly comforted by Kurt's sweet answering chuckle.
"You don't like... Oh my god you are so sweet. I'm so proud of you for telling me what you think baby. Thank you. Now, can I ask you to pretend to want them because I seriously do and we can just tell Isabelle they are for you." Kurt whispered conspirationally with a wink.
God, that wink paralyzed Blaine in its coy sexiness, he could only nod dumbly after that.
"What have you boys been up to?" Isabelle asked with implications in her voice that just made Blaine blush. She walked purposefully over to them with a few paper shopping bags in her hands. She smiled as she held them up to Blaine.
"I usually don't ask this until after the first date, but are you a boxers or briefs man?" she held up one bag, then the other.
Blaine blushed more furiously and stuttered.
"Oh god, Isabelle! He's mine! Haven't you noticed that your feline charm does not work on gay men?" Kurt cut in thankfully and chuckled a bit while casting a slightly concerned glance Blaine's way. Blaine realized now that she was joking- but was he really supposed to answer?
"I'm sorry! He's gorgeous! No, but really, I stopped by the advertising department and Marc Jacobs just introduced a new line of undies so I grabbed a few of each and figured we'd outfit your silent sweetheart completely." she laughed lightly and looked to Blaine.
Oh, maybe he really was supposed to answer.
"Um...boxers?" Blaine squeaked shyly on the last syllable and Isabelle laughed at his cuteness.
"Oh, sweetie you'd better keep him. I haven't seen cuter or sweeter since the Galiano spread of 2002." she reminisced happily. Blaine couldn't help but really like this woman.
"There's no way I'm letting him go, Isabelle. He means everything to me." Kurt answered softly, looking at Blaine with eyes that couldn't be just for him. Blaine was speechless.
"Oh, I am so happy for you!" she squealed and rushed up to hug Kurt after placing what must have been the boxers bag on the countertop next to the massive pile of clothes. She surveyed their choices.
"I love what you chose! You are going to look so cute in these! So, yes, you can take them all on one condition." she said in mock seriousness.
Blaine froze, was this when payment was discussed? He knew she thought he was cute what would she want? Would Kurt share him? Blaine's mind went crazy.
"I just want you to put one outfit on so I get to see the transformation personally. Pretty please?" she fluttered her eyelashes and Blaine's breath left him in a rush. He didn't even realize he was holding it. Isabelle seemed to notice something was up and looked at him concerned. Ugh, why was he so stupid! He hurried to fix this.
"Yes, okay." he tried to smile encouragingly back at her and it must have worked because she went to the pile and picked out some slate blue pants with a grey polo and a bow tie that he had loved instantly with a design of little multicolored bird shapes and stripes. Grabbing some brown leather loafers to complete the ensemble, she presented them to him with a flourish.
Kurt realized he was wringing his hands at the interaction between his husband and old boss. He was kind of kicking himself. He thought this would be for the best because not only could they choose an entire wardrobe he would approve of, they would get it done without a thousand other people with them...but he had underestimated how much it would take out of Blaine to interact this much one-on-one with a stranger. He would have to be more careful in the future. His husband however, made him so proud today with how he handled the situation.
He was worried when Blaine was out of his sight for a few minutes as he changed in the wardrobe room. But just minutes later, the door opened again and his jaw dropped.
Blaine looked gorgeous.
His curls flopped adorably over his eyes as they must have been ruffled but the changing of clothes. The pants fit him perfectly and the polo emphasized his broad, defined shoulders. The bow tie was sweetly skewed as if he had a hard time tying it and Kurt took that as his cue to rush up to his husband. Blaine looked down at himself unsure.
"Do I look okay?" he asked quietly.
"You look amazing." Kurt rushed out, astounded by his reaction as it seemed the embodiment of his every teenaged dream stepped out of the dressing room. As he hesitantly reached forward to fix the tie, he laughed softly to himself. He was twenty seven, he really needed to stop drooling and get a grip. He snapped out of his trance as Isabelle came up beside them.
"Oh sweetie! You look so cute!" She gushed. How did a woman use phrases like that and still manage to be the epitome of class? Kurt shook his head in wonder. She really was his idol.
Small talk continued as the pair slipped on their coats and readied to leave. Again, Isabelle kissed both of them and made Kurt promise not to be a stranger. As they exited the offices, hand in hand again, Kurt felt Blaine press himself to his side. Looking around, he realized that Blaine was reacting to the increased stares from Vogue employees. Kurt wrapped one arm around his boy then protectively.
As they reached the lobby, Kurt kicked himself because he forgot to call the driver and tell him they were done. He had no idea how long it would take for him to get back with the traffic. He quickly made the call. Kurt debated waiting in the building's lobby for a while but then something seemed to catch Blaine's eye and he looked in the same direction.
A busker had set up shop almost directly outside the office door. The dark skinned man was really well dressed for a busker and Kurt couldn't hear it but he seemed to be playing his instrument with immeasurable emotion. It dawned on Kurt then, the man was playing a violin. That must be what drew Blaine's attention so thoroughly. Seeing Blaine's awe, Kurt couldn't help but wonder what happened to the violin he used to have. Did it belong to the center? Kurt thought it couldn't have because Blaine had a stand in his room and he treated it so reverently. Why didn't Blaine bring it? The reminder made him vow to find out tonight. He turned to his husband.
"The car will be a few minutes, love. Do you want to go out and wait?" Kurt couldn't help but notice the war of emotions visible on Blaine's face. Finally, he answered in a small voice.
"Please, yes, Kurt." he said.
They exited through the large glass doors and stepped out onto the street. It was less crowded at the moment than usual but a small crowd had gathered around the amazing busker. Clear beautiful notes seemed to surround the man as he played with his eyes closed and his case open in front of him. As the notes blended together around him, Kurt began to recognize the song. He never heard "Hey, Soul Sister" played so beautifully before and was instantly drawn in. Blaine gripped his hand tightly as he looked on and Kurt was saddened by the look of longing in his eyes.
When the song concluded, the crowd disbursed with soft claps and the clink of change into the case. Kurt found they were the only two who stayed. He fingered his wallet and wondered how much cash he had on him. Pulling it out, he realized he had quite a bit. Kurt removed a few large notes from his wallet and went to approach the boy. Blaine seemed to be frozen to the spot so he loosened his fingers from their current intertwined state and leaned into his husband.
"I'll be right over there honey, I just want to give him some money, okay?" Kurt wondered if he was even heard at all but them his husband nodded mutely. He moved the few steps across the wide side walk, approached the case and dropped the money in. The buskers eyes widened at the amount and looked up to Kurt.
"Wow, thanks." he said in a smooth voice. The friendly face of the man smiled in his direction and Kurt was encouraged to ask for the thing he knew was crazy. He reached out his hand to greet the busker warmly.
"Hi, I'm Kurt." he said. The busker quickly placed the bow in his other hand that already gripped the neck of the violin and held his now unoccupied hand out in return. He gripped Kurt's hand firmly and smiled again.
"David. Nice to meet you."
"You play beautifully, David."
"Thanks! You tip beautifully!" he laughed.
"Well, I might have an ulterior motive for that, but just hear me out for a second okay?" Kurt began hesitantly, knowing at he was probably going to be shot down. David just looked back at him with curiosity in his eyes.
"Okay, I was wondering if...see that man over there?" he gestured to Blaine who didn't notice because he was staring intently at the nodded, looking even more intrigued.
"So he recently lost his violin and when we saw you out here he just looked so lost. I love him and I just realized how much the he was affected by not having that outlet here. Is there anyway, and please feel free to say no...that you will let him play just one song?" as soon as he finished, Kurt knew that he was asking a lot of this stranger but was instantly shocked when the boy cleared his throat.
"May I?" he gestured with his head to Blaine and turned to approach him.
Blaine looked up with shocked eyes as the busker headed his way. Kurt hurried to follow wondering if he made the right decision. Didn't he, just hours ago, decide to think things through more thoroughly before he just sprung things on the boy?
"Hi, I'm David." the man said in a friendly manner. Blaine looked stunned.
"I-I'm Blaine." he said quietly.
"Kurt here said you are probably missing your violin right now and man, I have to tell you I know how that is. I don't know what I would do without her." he cocked his head at the well loved instrument in his hands.
At that statement Kurt saw a haze of sadness come to Blaine's eyes.
"Well, I was thinking about taking a few minutes for a break and I love to meet a fellow violinist. Do you feel up to showing me what you can do?" David offered the violin to Blaine then and The boy looked so conflicted. The longing emanating off him was palpable, but his eyes quickly darted around in fear.
"No one's around right now, it's a perfect time." David smiled. Kurt was overcome with joy at this man's generosity. He saw Blaine reach out with shaking hands to receive the instrument and as soon as his fingers closed around the neck a look of pure joy mixed with the apprehension in his gaze. Both men stepped back as Blaine brought the instrument to his chin and closed his eyes reverently. Kurt thought that nothing could be more beautiful than his husband like this.
Blaine's hands shook slightly as he connected the bow to the strings, creating a quiet discord of notes in the air. He looked up nervously at the pair before him.
"Go ahead man." David encouraged softly.
Blaine closed his eyes again and quickly ran his fingers over the curved outline of the violins form. This small gesture seemed to calm him and he placed hismfingers back in the correct position. After a moment of seeming concentration, beautifully pure notes began to resonate though the air at Blaine's hand. David's jaw dropped for a moment as he leaned over to whisper to Kurt.
"Wow, he's amazing."
"Yeah, he is." Kurt answered with the thickness of tears in his voice. He knew then that he would need to get Blaine a violin soon. His boy needed this.
As the notes flitted around them Kurt began to recognize the melody. Instantly the tears that had been threatening welled up to the point of almost spilling over. It seemed David recognized the emotional melody as well when he began to sing in a clear tenor voice.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight.
And I don't want he world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
Kurt looked at his boy with his eyes squeezed shut and emotions playing across his features. Kurt loved him even more with each moment. He was saddened by the subject of the song. He knew it was personal for Blaine and was astounded at how well he could share through music.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
Curious New Yorkers stopped at the performance. Blaine kept his eyes tightly shut still so he didn't notice the small crowd gathering in appreciation. Kurt was worried as to what he would think when he finally opened his eyes. He was proud at the awed look on the spectators' faces as they watched his boy. He really was amazing and along with David, they could record right now. How many opportunities did Blaine miss because of the atrocities forced on him in his life?
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
As the last notes faded from the air, applause erupted around the pair of performers and Blaine's eyes snapped open quickly. It was almost like he forgot where he was and just remembered in that very moment. Instantly he became red-faced at the attention and practically ran to Kurt's side. Kurt caught him gently in his arms, trying to be mindful of the instrument still in his boy's grasp. David followed and Blaine handed back the violin gratefully, but with a tinge of longing. Still in Kurt's arms, Blaine buried his face in the collar of his coat and Kurt could barely hear his husbands muffled declaration of gratitude.
David stood by and watched the display as the crowd disbursed again with curious looks replacing the awe. That was one of the great things about New Yorkers. They just accepted the different as normal and didn't pry. David seemed to be the same way as he handed Kurt a small card of some sort. Kurt realized it was a business card and placed it in his pocket.
"Blaine, you were amazing. I'm here every week at the same time when I can get away from rehearsal. Please stop by if you ever want to jam again." he smiled and began to pack up his things.
Kurt called his thanks to the mysterious busker as he fingered the card in his pocket. He then noticed the car pulling up to double park in front of them. The driver stepped out and began to load their bags into the trunk. Instead of waiting for the door to be opened, Kurt led Blaine to the car and helped him in himself. The boy seemed to be drained.
The ride home was quick and Blaine's eyes began to flutter closed in sheer exhaustion as they pulled up to their building. Kurt looked at his boy tenderly as he marveled at his sweetness. He hated to rouse him when the driver opened the door, but as much as he wanted to he didn't think he could really carry him up to the apartment. Blaine looked around in tired confusion until his eyes fell on Kurt, then he smiled and went to snuggle back into his arms.
"Nope, baby. We're home! We have to bring this stuff up." Kurt laughed indulgently at Blaine's sleepiness. Blaine climbed out of the car in a stupor and stood to receive the bags from the driver. They headed into the lobby and Kurt tried to help Blaine by taking a few bags. Kurt was surprised that Blaine was adamant that he should carry all the bags up himself. It was a small gesture, but Kurt was worried. Blaine always went one way when Kurt was sure they were going the other. He hoped this didn't mean too much.
They arrived in the apartment and Blaine looked quickly to his room before dropping his bags neatly in the foyer. Again, Kurt couldn't help but read into the action a bit. He planned on addressing their sleeping arrangements tonight. He didn't want to push, but it seems so silly now to be separated when Blaine clearly liked to be near him.
"Why don't you bring those into the living room and we will fold them up while I order dinner. I just don't feel like cooking tonight." Kurt said, deciding to address the issue when he knew the words to say. That time was definitely not now, but taking care of the clothes together kept it open as to where they would be stored for the moment.
Blaine looked slightly relieved and picked the bags up again to bring them where Kurt directed. Kurt smiled. He was getting pretty good at deciphering Blaine's crazy form of sign language. He couldn't wait until the lines of communication were open and clear. He knew they'd get there some day. For now, he just followed his boy into the living room and grabbed his phone. Thinking of Blaine's crazy affinity for less fat in his food, he went for Thai and picked the healthiest choices he could think of.
"Is Thai okay Blaine?" Kurt asked conversationally. He didn't want to make a big deal out of the food thing, and he figured maybe making him part of the choices and keeping the topic light would help.
"Um, I'm not too hungry, but Thai's okay." Blaine answered noncommittally.
Setting his frustrations aside Kurt called the local place and ordered the delivery. After that was out of the way, he began to reach into the bags and pull out Blaine's new wardrobe. Following Kurt's lead, Blaine began pulling pieces out as well and folding them with utmost care, like they were delicate sheets of paper instead of clothes. Kurt thought Blaine's apparent gratefulness was endearing but it also worried him. He felt like he was starting to understand Blaine's way of thinking now and he knew the boy never just received a gift in a long time, if ever. Would he try to pay him back somehow? It was yet another thing Kurt put on his list to talk out with Blaine. God, the boy was going to think he was crazy.
The phone rang then and Kurt saw "Satan" come up on the screen. He mentally admonished himself. In all of the craziness, he forgot to call his best friend as promised.
"Hey Satan." he answered sheepishly. Blaine looked on worriedly as he realized who was calling. Kurt reached over and and patted his knee in silent understanding.
"Really, you still haven't changed my contact in your phone have you?" she said in an amused tone.
Kurt laughed.
"It fits so well! I probably wouldn't even know who was calling if I changed it now. I'd think I that I gave my number out to some stranger named Santana. It's best for all involved if we leave it the way it is." he quipped.
"Listen, Kurtsie...how is Blaine today?" her voice suddenly turned from snarky to sentimental.
"Okay...worried." Kurt answered mysteriously. He didn't want Blaine embarrassed if he found out they were talking about him.
"Oh...so he's right there. Gotcha. All I'll say right now is that me and Brit can't wait to see him to make this better, and we will. I'm still really sorry about that and you know I mean it because I never say I'm sorry." She really sounded so regretful.
"I know Tana. It's okay." Kurt answered. Blaine returned to his folding seemingly trying to give them a bit of privacy.
"Well anyway...besides that, I called for another reason. Me and Brit decided not to get married in NY after all. Mi familia was so mad when I told them that was our plan. Instead we are getting married when I go home on Thanksgiving break."
"Oh that's nice San...wait. In one week Thanksgiving break? That Thanksgiving break?" Kurt said incredulously. Was she nuts? Who can plan a wedding for all of their friends and family in one week?
"Thats the one, Hummel. Calm down though, don't get those designer panties in a twist." she laughed out loud at her joke.
"Oh, so that's how it's going to be huh? Well than good luck planning it without me!" Kurt answered in mock upset.
"No, I mean...um let me start again, I forgot what a diva you are. Oh great and amazing Kurtsie, please take pity on your ungrateful, crazy friend who needs you expertise and genius to prepare an impossible wedding in one week. So...how'd I do? Better?" she said in a playful monotone.
"Well, I guess. Minus the Kurtsie you hit all standard points of groveling. Fine. I'll help." Kurt tried to maintain the put-out facade, but it was really hard because he was so excited. Crazy as it was, he loved planning weddings and has since he was five and had to find something constructive to do with his power rangers.
"Well first, did you look though your papers yet? Since it's such short notice I need my marriage license from the center and I can't really tell which of the forms it is. Can you find yours and tell me?"
"Sure" Kurt agreed readily as he tried to remember where that thick manilla envelope went.
"Okay thanks. Now next, since you have agreed and can't back out...um I have a few details to discuss with you."
"Details?"
"So Brit wants to make the invitations and I can't say no. Do you think Blaine will be able to come over this week and help her? Its going to take a long time to glue the macaroni onto the card stock." she kind of mumbled the last part and Kurt was sure that he heard incorrectly.
"M-macaroni? Did you say macaroni?" he said incredulously.
"Well, yes. My girl thinks that a fancy invitation should have texture." She giggled lightly. "Ugh! I just can't say no to her Hummel! Can you say no to Blaine? That's right! I thought not." she finished smugly.
"Oh my god, Tana! You are going to be the death of me!" Kurt admonished halfheartedly. "As for Blaine, I can't speak for him, but I'll ask."
"Will he come to the phone? Brit really misses him today." she asked softly.
"Okay, I'll check." Kurt heard Santana call to Brittany on her end and turned to Blaine who seemed to have started paying attention again at the sound of his name.
"Blaine, Brit really misses you and want to talk. Are you okay with that?"
Blaine looked at the device in Kurt's hands nervously.
"Just Brit?" he asked hesitantly.
"Just Brit." Kurt confirmed.
"Okay." Blaine reached for the phone and looked puzzled at the weight in his hand. Kurt wondered when the last was that Blaine handled a cell phone. He seemed to examine the device for the proper space to speak into and in that way, the iPhone was very elusive. Not wanting to make a big deal of it, Kurt just took the phone back gently and held it up to his boy's cheek.
"Just talk, sweetheart. She'll hear you." Kurt whispered with an indulgent smile.
Blaine couldn't believe he didn't even get how a phone worked now a days. Brett never would let him have one and it wasn't allowed at the center. The last time he had seen an iPhone was in high school when the edges were all rounded and things were simpler.
Blaine felt stupid when he hesitated, but instantly felt better when Kurt took control of the situation and helped. Reaching up to hold the phone himself, his hand brushed Kurt's during the exchange and a tingle seemed to flow down his arm to his whole body.
Realizing he had sat in silence for a full minute, he finally spoke into the phone.
"H-hello?" he said hesitantly.
"Hey Blainey! I'm so glad you remember how to talk! I was so worried when I just heard you breathing that you forgot or something." his friend said in her sweet way.
Blaine laughed. He loved how easy his best friend was to talk to. Any nervousness over their first conversation after last night all but dissipated with Brittany's first inquiry.
"No, Brit. I did not forget how to talk."
"Oh good. Although I want you to know that I would get a carrier pigeon if you really did. I would miss you too much." she said with concern.
"I would miss you too Brit." Blaine couldn't help but smile. How did he get himself into these conversations?
"So, anyway, I wanted to talk to you because I need your help and I know you are awesome...so will you help me?"
"What do you need Brit?" Blaine asked curiously.
"So, Tana just told Kurt, but I want to tell you that my real wedding is next week when we all go home for Thanksgiving. And I need you to help me make the macaroni invitations. What do you think is the best way to color macaroni? Maybe food coloring? It is food but I really don't want anyone to eat my invitations. What if they forget when my wedding is?"
As Brittany continued her crazy musings Blaine had to really concentrate to catch what she was saying after she mentioned her real wedding and the fact that they were going to Kurt's home for Thanksgiving. So many worries popped up then that he really did forget how to speak.
"Blaine? Blaine? Do you think glue will melt off of macaroni if it's boiled? And will you help me? Please?" she finished and Blaine finally pulled himself from his worry.
"Of course Brit." Blaine answered.
"Wait...of course the glue will melt off, or of course you'll help?" she asked. Blaine could have sworn that he heard a giggle in the background. He smiled again and clarified.
"Okay, even if glue does melt off in boiling water, I don't think anyone will eat your invitations, and the 'of course' was the answer to the question of 'will I help you'...of course. You're my best friend." he finished softly. As crazy as she made him, Brit would forever be the first person to accept him after everything and he would walk though fire for her if she asked.
"Oh! Good! You're the best Blainey! Can you come over tomorrow to start?"
Blaine froze. Would Santana be home? Blaine didn't know if he was ready but he was stuck by his previous promise.
"Okay." he said with as much conviction as he could muster.
A buzz sounded in the apartment than and Kurt rose to let the delivery person up.
"Thanks Blainey. I love you. I can't wait to see you tomorrow." she finished sweetly.
Blaine looked up at Kurt as he walked in with the food. Their eyes met as he finished his goodbye and Blaine couldn't help but pretend he was actually saying this to the man in front of him.
"I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow." he said with emotion that was a bit out of character for the light moment, but Brit was thankfully oblivious as she disconnected the call.
Blaine blushed as the feeling of saying those words even in Kurt's direction flowed though him. It just felt so right. The slight shift in Kurt's eyes at the sentiment didn't go unnoticed by Blaine either. Did Kurt realize he kind of really meant it for him?
Blaine looked down and saw the phone was still on the call screen and the 'end call' part that was lit up red before was now gray. He had no idea how to hang up here, so he just went to hand the device back to Kurt sheepishly. Kurt put down the food and accepted it. He showed Blaine the screen.
"The grey means that Brit already hung up. If it's still red, it just means you have to touch the bar and you can hang up. Maybe tomorrow we can run though the basics of this thing because I really need to get you one." he said off handedly. Blaine was surprised how he said it, like it was just a normal conversation when he was offering him a freedom that he hadn't been granted for years.
"Really?" he asked quietly.
"Absolutely sweetheart. I have no landline and I really need you to have a way to reach me if you need me when I'm at the theater. I'm probably going to be at work a bit in the next week if I want to take Thanksgiving off because there is a new show coming to Broadway that I really want to design the set for. To even be minutely ready for the pitch, I'll need to sketch in my studio for a while. Oh, and plus Santana said you and Brit need a way to communicate or she is going to move in with us." Kurt laughed and Blaine just looked at his husband in awe. He loved hearing about his life. Kurt just shared everything and Blaine was like a dying man in search of water. He loved every morsel of information he could get from the man.
As Kurt was talking he began to remove the cardboard containers from the bag and soon, Blaine found himself with a full plate in front of him. Kurt took a bite and looked at Blaine encouragingly.
Blaine was so confused at mealtimes now. He still didn't want to gain weight like Brett warned but feeling full for the first time in years was so amazing...he never realized how much he missed it. Warring with himself and remembering how easily Kurt opened up to him he decided to share his worry with his husband. As anxious as it made him, it always seemed to help.
"Will you still keep me if I get fat?" he asked in a tiny voice.
Kurt's jaw dropped mid-bite.
"What? Honey...is that what you're worried about...why you won't eat?" he questioned, placing his food down to kneel I front of Blaine like he had earlier.
Blaine had a hard time finding the next words but struggled though.
"I...B-Brett always warned me that he would leave me if I got fat. He said my small frame only needed so many calories because with my build I had a good chance of getting fat if I wasn't careful. In high school I ate whatever I wanted, but I wonder a lot if he was right. So...if I get fat, will you still keep me?" Blaine felt the thickness of tears clogging his throat as he waited with his eyes down toward the offending food for his answer.
"Blaine. I plan to love you for always remember? Fat, thin, old, smelly..."
Blaine couldn't help but let a squeak of laughter escape at that and he glanced in Kurt's direction again.
"Whatever happens, I'm yours still okay? So be healthy. Eat, baby. I will always love you." Kurt finished with shining eyes.
Again, Blaine wanted to say it back. He really did...but he wasn't worthy. He looked at Kurt's beautiful face just inches from his own and decided that if he couldn't say it he really wanted to show him in some way how he was feeling. Before he could over think it and change his mind, Blaine leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against Kurt's. Kurt stilled for a minute. Blaine was instantly unsure and went to pull back but then Kurt leaned forward and placed his hands on the cushion on both sides of Blaine as he returned the kiss passionately. As his lips meshed with Kurt's, he thought to himself, this is what a kiss should be. He realized this thought always crossed his mind when kissing Kurt. After a moment, Kurt pulled back with an adorable flush on his cheeks
"Thank you." Blaine said quietly as he picked up his fork.
Kurt beamed at him and instead of returning to the couch, he stayed right where he was at Blaine's feet. Picking up his plate again the pair began to eat in comfortable silence.
Blaine felt like he was eating the most delicious meal of his life. He giggled softly as he tried to discern if the tingle on his lips was from the spicy peanut sauce, or Kurt's lips. His husband smiled up,at him at the sound of his laughter and they shared a sweet look over their dinner. Blaine was still kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was feeling a bit farther away now at least. For that, he was grateful.
The combination of comfort and acceptance, coupled with the amazing food had a sedative effect on Blaine. He could feel his eyelids getting heavy and he realized how tired he was after the draining day. Kurt seemed to notice his predicament at the same time and placed both of their nearly empty plates on the coffee table.
"C'mon, love. Let's go to bed." Kurt suggested. Blaine rose first and reached down to help Kurt up from the floor. The angle caused Kurt to stumble as he stood and the two fell together happily.
Blaine began to wonder how he would phrase his next question for Kurt. He knew that he really did not want to sleep alone. Kurt kept the nightmares at bay and he just felt whole when he slept in Kurt's arms. In his mind, he kept trying to figure out a way to broach the subject to his husband. As he followed him to the bathroom and they stood side by side brushing their teeth, the words were on the tip of his tongue. As he quickly washed his face and watched lovingly as Kurt completed his nighttime routine, various forms of the request ran through is mind. Finally the bathroom light was switched off and Kurt took his hand.
This was the time. Blaine knew he had to get over his nervousness and just ask.
"Stay?" One word, whispered in his husbands sweet voice in the darkness was his undoing. He forgot plans and phrasing and just blurted.
"Please, Kurt. Can I stay in here from now on?" He answered Kurt's question with his own more desperate one.
"For always, love." Came the beautiful reply.
As the pair pulled back the covers and turned down the bed, Blaine couldn't help the immense fatigue that overtook him. He was practically delirious as he was folded into Kurt's strong arms and almost purred from pure exhaustion as he snuggled into his firm, soft shoulder. One phrase, so freely given kept running through his mind, soothing him like a lullaby.
For always.
End note: So yeah, that's it. I hope you took a break for a snack and drink during that one and I'm glad you made it...phew! I was worried about you for a second there :D
I would also like to say that this chapter is dedicated to Lurida. This girl is not only amazing (have you read her stuff?!) but she was my first reviewer on the site. I have posted on GKM but this was my first foray into the world here and her welcome was so lovely. Thanks so much!
To all of my other readers, thanks for your continuing support and love. I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter!
Comments
Favourite chapter
Mine too!!! So glad you liked it! The violin scene here has been brewing for a while and I really couldn't wait to get it out there! Thanks for letting me know what ya thought!
Loving this story xx
Thank you!! I'm so glad it's getting such a good reception :)
You are really too good to me!!! Finishing up the next chappy today so I'd say tomorrow for posting? I love that you always let me know what you think!
Made it? I want more! This story is still so tenderley heart-breaking and heart-warming at once! I loved the violin scene! Poor, poor Blainers, I am so glad that his confidence in asking Kurt for things is starting to show. This story is utterly amazing, as is its author!
This was a beautifully written chapter as it showed more indepth into the inner workings of Blaines charactor and I can't wait to read the next one.Thanks
Absolutely- i love the healing process... It's so interesting trying to get into these characters minds and conveying that. I'm so happy it's working so far... Thanks for your continued amazingness. I really love it :)
Awwww I love how far Blaine comes every day. Kurt is just so sweet and loving - it's no wonder that Blaine is finding it easier to open up to him. The shopping scene and violin scene were just perfect. Can't wait for Kurt to find out the full story about Blaine's violin - I hope he manages to get it back from Hunter... Looking forward to the next chapter!
I think that's going to be a pretty interesting sub plot and I can't wait to get back to it! So funny, I feel like I just want to put everything into this story and sometimes I wonder if it's too much.. So many elements! But then you guys just support it and love it and it's just awesome to get this kind of feedback. Thank you!!!!
Love this story! I don't have much to add beyond that but thought I should register the fact I love it and get excited for updates. I am always partial to a violin playing Blaine too.
Me too! The violin is such a beautiful instrument- so classic , just like I imagine Blaine to be...Thanks for registering your input! Ha ha! I love how you worded that :)
So glad you appreciate the pace... We're heading into a tiny setback in the next chapter that I almost cut and I have been arguing with myself over since this post- but I'm so glad that it's not moving too slowly for you. I just want to explore every aspect and as you can probably tell I just hate leaving discord for too long- hence the huge chapters! I can't even leave our boys too badly off for a few days! Ha ha :) Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know what you think.
I loved the scene when he plays the violin and David sings! I feel like it expressed so much without him having to actually say anything. I'm glad things are progressing for him. I understand what you mean about letting things go at a natural pace, and I feel like you're doing a great job. Thanks for updating! I really enjoy reading long updates, so keep 'em coming as long as the words and ideas flow through you :)
Anyone taking the time to leave anything is just pure amazingness to me. Especially taking the time to do so while writing such goodness as 'Smells like Forever"- amazing fic!!! I hope you're still reading and like the new chapter!!!
Hi...I wanted to say I absolutely adore this story so far and I can't wait for the next chapter :) I'm usually better at reviewing but my fever is destroying my mojo XD I'll be better next time I promise :) awesome job!!!!!
Thanks! I'm so glad you like it!!
im enjoying reading this fic so MUCH!
So I've read every single chapter in one go...and I would have reviewed every single one, but I can't post reviews from my laptop for some reason so you'll have to make do with one from my phone. I will make it good though.Here goes: I absolutely love this story and I am now waiting for the next chapter with the same butterflies of exitement that I get when I wait for an episode of Glee. The story is heartbreaking and sweet at the same time. It has just the right ammount of both and there are nothing that doesn't fit into the story. The language is free flows well and there are hardly any mistakes. If I was to give it a star, it would be 5stars (which is to say top marks)Keep up the good work!
Wow, what an amazing review- you made my day!!! To be on that same level of anticipation with Glee. I'm speechless. Sorry I also followed glee with my weeks long hiatus :) I hope you like the next chapter!!!