April 28, 2013, 10:36 a.m.
Hold Me and Sing a Lullaby: Chapter 7
E - Words: 10,107 - Last Updated: Apr 28, 2013 Story: In Progress - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Jan 19, 2013 - Updated: Apr 28, 2013 1,084 0 8 0 0
Here is the next chapter. Sorry it took FOREVER but as you can see it is a ridiculously long one and it took ages to get it right. Also if you happen to re-read last chapter please imagine that Kurt went back to the jewelry shop to get the inscription changed instead of realizing that this crazy writer used google translate and wrote the sentiment incorrectly. I need to learn the lessons of my forebears...that never works out! Thanks to Justasimpleword for the correction! I hope you enjoy and as always, thanks so much for the amazing reviews, tracks and favorites. Each one is a gift. Thanks for taking the time to read my little story...now onward!
As the first dregs of consciousness reached Blaine's mind the next morning, The boy rolled over and reached for the man that he was certain was in the bed beside him. As soon as his cheek hit the pillow, however, Blaine was brought ruthlessly back to reality with the dull pain that resonated as his bruised skin made contact with the sheets. Blaine's breath hitched as reality and memories from the day before all came crashing back too quickly for the boy's sleep addled mind. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, he wasn't ready for this yet. He pleaded with himself to go back to sleep for just one more hour. He wanted one more hour with that dream, the details of which were even now slowly fading from his mind. The dream, it had been so real and so, so perfect.
Realizing the futility of his actions and his body's insistence on waking, Blaine finally sat up and ran his hand through his morning-messy curls. The center's dorms had no windows to give Blaine a clue about the time but he just knew it was early. Finally locating Brittany's laptop, he opened it and saw that it was barely six o'clock. As he went to close the device, he was caught by the image of Brittany's screen saver. The picture occupying the girl's desktop was of her wrapped up in the arms of her future wife, taken candidly by a cellphone camera. The image was distorted slightly, as cellphone self-portraits often are, but the look of love in the girls' eyes as they gazed at each other was unmistakeable.
A soft snore and mumble caused him to look at his best friend still peaceful in her bed. This girl deserved everything, Blaine knew. She was so sweet and lovely. Who couldn't love her after just moments in her presence? Blaine envied Brittany for the love she had, not only with Santana but in life. He remembered back to the day she was brought to the center by her parents. The heartfelt goodbyes and the fierce hugs that never seemed to last long enough. Blaine knew that after her marriage, Brit would be able to call her family again and see them if Santana allowed it. If Santana allowed it...as soon as that thought crossed his mind, he instantly discounted it because there was no way Santana would deny Brit anything. Blaine remembered back to the day he arrived at the center. The scene was certainly a bit different.
Unlike Brittany's family, the Anderson's didn't arrive humbly with worn out clothes and hope for a better future for their child in their eyes. No, the Anderson's didn't even come in to the center at all. His father had called Hunter ahead of time to make the arrangements the day he had overheard Blaine talking about a boy from school. The day Blaine bashfully let it slip to his grandmotherly housekeeper that he had a crush was the day that sealed his fate. Blaine didn't even know that his father overheard. Mrs. Price was probably the one person in Blaine's house who loved him. She was so sweet and caring and when she asked about his love life during that school vacation so long ago, he just couldn't resist sharing a piece of himself with her. He had been aching to do that for so long. His teenaged heart just wanted someone to know him and he trusted Mrs. Price. Unfortunately for Blaine, his father had chosen that time to seek out the housekeeper and heard the softly spoken confession from the doorway.
Blaine went to bed that night blissfully unaware and feeling better than he had in his whole life. Someone knew about him and she accepted him still. Mrs. Price's reaction was everything Blaine could ever hope for. She hugged him tightly and squealed excitedly at his potential love and finished the whole display with the sentiment that Blaine deserved what ever it was he wanted in life. It was perfect.
The next morning, Blaine was awoken abruptly by another housekeeper. He was shocked to find Mrs. Price missing from the grounds completely. The new woman barely spoke to Blaine as she relayed his father's instruction to pack a bag as quickly as possible. Blaine was so confused but hurried to comply with his father's demand.
No one spoke to Blaine that morning as he ate breakfast and waited for his father to fill him in on what was going on. The same housekeeper that had woken him brought his bag to the car and Blaine went to follow. He caught his mother's eye briefly as he walked to the doorway. A feeling of dread filled Blaine. Why wasn't anyone talking to him? Why was his mother looking at him with such hatred? Blaine hurried back up the stairs to his bedroom to grab his violin. He had no idea what was going on but he knew that it wasn't good.
When he reached the landing at the top of the stairs, he heard noises coming from his bedroom. He practically ran toward the sounds and was stunned to see his entire room being packed up by a small crew of employees. One of them looked up at him with pity in her eyes before hurriedly continuing.
Blaine silently went to one of the open boxes on the floor and retrieved his violin. He still had no clue as to what was happening but the dread had manifested to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of his mother's hatred and this employee's pity. Blaine was used to being ignored. That was fine. His parents had never really paid attention to him, until they needed him to do something for them. Oddly enough, it was the fact that they were showing any emotion toward him that was worrisome.
Blaine headed for the doorway again, as he knew was expected of him, and saw through the entryway window that the driver was waiting with the car idling in the grand circular driveway.
His mothers voice caught him then.
"Why did you have to disappoint us yet again?" she said in a low voice.
Blaine looked at her with a confused expression.
"What? No, Mother.." Blaine stuttered
"No. You don't get to call me that. I don't even want to hear your voice. You are unnatural. Worthless. Sick." she sneered.
Blaine felt hurt and pain fill him. What had he done?
"Get out." she said.
Blaine turned and ran toward the waiting car. The driver smiled pityingly at him as he drove away. As Blaine glanced back toward the house he had grown up in, the tears surprised him. He was so numb at that point that he wasn't even conscious of his own body. Blaine looked up to see the driver's eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. The man quickly averted his gaze when he realized he was caught.
"W-where are we going?" Blaine asked tentatively.
"I was told to bring you to the airport, son." the older man answered.
Blaine cringed at the term used by the driver. Son...it seemed he was no one's son now.
"Do you know where I'm being sent?"
It wasn't even a question to Blaine now that he was being sent away. His self-esteem was so low from years of emotional neglect that he just accepted it, knew he probably deserved it.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to give you this note though, if you're ready for it." the man handed Blaine a hastily written document on his father's stationary.
Hands shaking, Blaine read the letter.
I want to make it clear to you that you are no longer a member of our family. You are no longer allowed to call or contact us in any way. You should feel grateful that you are not on the streets right now, and the only reason for that reprieve is that the family does not deserve a scandal because of you.
The man that will meet you at the airport owns you now. Don't question him or do anything to embarrass us or you will find yourself on the street. Don't test him. I never thought I'd have a fag for a son and luckily, I no longer do.
Blaine broke down completely for the first time then. It was always with a calm acceptance that he took all the barbs and snide comments from his family- but this was worse than he ever expected. He glanced down at the note again. No greeting, and no signature...he wasn't even worth that.
The driver brought him to his gate and left him with a soft kind word of goodbye that in itself was almost torture. Why were strangers okay with him but not his own family?
When he landed it was with resolve that he followed Hunter to the awaiting car. This was his life now.
"Blainey?" a soft, childlike voice pulled him from his painful reverie.
Blaine hurriedly rubbed his face and turned to his friend. A warmth filled Brit's eyes and she sweetly caressed his cheek.
"Don't be sad, Blainey! Today's our wedding day. You get to come with me. I'm so glad I don't have to lose you. I love you so much."
Blaine smiled through the pain that ate away at him. He put aside his worries and tried to absorb all that the truthful phrase meant.
"I love you too, Brit." he answered softly.
"Come cuddle with me, this is our last morning in the same house. Who knows when we'll cuddle next?" she reached toward him adorably with clenching hands.
With a watery laugh, Blaine moved back into the arms of his best friend. Her words stuck in his head. This was the last day they would live in the dorms together. Tonight Blaine would be in Kurt's apartment, alone with the enigmatic man who owned him now. What would Kurt expect tonight? Brittany mewed contentedly as she squeezed Blaine and this sound, innocent as it was, brought with it a flashback of the boy's first night with Brett. Blaine stiffened and shook his head to rid his mind of the phantom pain of harsh grabs and too sloppy kisses.
Brit shushed in his ear and Blaine felt the stiffness leave his body. He could never imagine it being like that with Kurt. He was so gentle, so sweet. If Blaine had to give himself to anyone, he knew it would be this man but he also knew he wasn't ready. What if Kurt wanted to have sex with him tonight? Blaine knew he had no choice but give all that Kurt asked but he was so scared of sex. Did it always hurt like that? Why would people do something that caused them such pain?
Hazy memories of his dream the night before came back to Blaine. That was what he wanted. He wanted to be cherished in Kurt's arms and kissed like he was the only man in the world. But Blaine knew kisses led to other things. Kisses led to nudity and biting and Blaine being spread out farther than he knew possible, just taking everything given to him. Blaine took a gulping breath and remembered the tingle of Kurt's feather soft lips on his cheek yesterday. He concentrated on that and realized that he couldn't imagine Kurt in the position of Brett in his nightmares. Blaine only hoped that Kurt was just like in his dreams; gentle and slow.
It was then that Blaine knew what he had to do. Blaine wanted Kurt. He loved Kurt and because of that he wanted to make him happy. Blaine also knew that Hunter was right. Kurt paid a lot of money for him; more than he was ever worth. Blaine knew he could be good for Kurt. He had been so needy and stupid the last few days and he realized he needed to fix that, to be what Kurt needed. He would be a good husband to the man who treated him so kindly. He would be obedient and perfect. Blaine had a plan.
Kurt fixed his tie in the mirror as he readied himself for the ceremony. He and Santana decided to meet up in the lobby again and Kurt only had a few more minutes left.
Satisfied with his appearance, he looked over to see the ring bag on the side table close by. Kurt smiled at the thought of those perfect rings. All at once, he realized he never tried his on. What would he do if the ring didn't even fit?
Kurt went to the side table and pulled out the small crimson boxes. Popping the catch on each, he gazed at the rings lovingly for a moment. Taking his ring out of the box, he ran his finger around the inside of the band. It was so smooth, timeworn, and perfect. Kurt held it above his finger, just wanting to see what it looked like on, but knowing that he wanted Blaine to be the first and last person to place that ring on his finger. Satisfied with the approximate fit, he turned the heavy band over in his hand again. As he felt the cool weight of the ring, he thought back to earlier in the day when he had one of the most important conversations he had ever had with his father.
"Hey kid, what's up?"
"Hi Dad, um nothing really..." Kurt was unsure of how to initiate this conversation. He was so close to his dad and although they lived very different lives right now, he always made sure to keep his dad fully involved.
"Well. Um, okay Kurt, so you're just calling to say hi? From Europe? I mean, it's not like I don't miss ya but usually I just hear from you when you take off and when you land when you're on one of your adventures." Kurt heard a soft chuckle and could almost see his fathers kind smile through the phone.
"I-I have to tell you something Dad..." Kurt began.
"Oh ho! Now we're getting somewhere! Can't fool me, kid. What do ya need to tell your old man?"
Kurt paused and eventually just decided to blurt it out and let the chips fall where they may. He knew it couldn't go any worse than what he might've imagined in his head, so he just rushed it out as fast as he could.
"I'm in love, Dad, and I'm getting married. Oh yeah, um...today." Kurt realized then that one phrase said to the right person could feel like a million. He waited with baited breath for his father's reaction.
"So, Kurt, um...did you know that owls are the only animal that can see the color blue?" Burt said conversationally.
"What?! Dad, did you hear me?" Kurt said, incredulous now at his dad's reaction.
"Oh yeah, kid, I heard you. I just figured we were talking about incredibly random and insane things and I wanted to give my input."
Kurt laughed at the absurdity of the situation. The stress leading up to this conversation seemed to only increase his power to laugh and soon, Kurt could feel hysteria approaching. It reminded him of the time he went to take his driver's license test. He worried for weeks about the test, so much so that when he got his license he actually broke down in hysterical tears. The registry official was shocked at his reaction and everyone thought he failed until he informed them through his hiccups that he really got his license. He could hear his dad chuckle softly on the other end of the phone.
"So, you're really serious kid?" Burt asked in a low voice.
Kurt took a few deep breaths to calm himself.
"I am Dad."
"You know, Kurt, I'm surprised I'm as calm as I am...but you were always a smart kid. You know yourself and have always followed your instincts. If you feel right getting married then I support you." Burt finished this statement softly.
"Thanks, Dad."
"Why don't you tell me about him?"
Kurt didn't even know where to begin. He decided to start at the beginning, at that first glimpse he got of the boy in the photograph. Over the course of the next thirty minutes, Burt got the abridged version of every thought and worry Kurt had about the whole situation and after all was said and done, his dad had only had one thing to say.
"Sounds like you love him, kid."
"Yes, Dad. I really do."
"When will you tell him?"
"I don't know, Dad, I don't know. All I know is I need him next to me. I need him with me. I wish we could say those words but it's enough right now to know that he'll accept me as his husband."
"Well, I'm happy for ya. It sounds like he will be a tough nut to crack when it comes to trust, but he sounds like he's worth it. Why don't you bring him by for Thanksgiving in a few weeks and Carole and I will meet him then- it'll give ya a little time to get him settled in. Do me a favor though?"
"I will, and yeah Dad, anything..."
"Just take a picture and send it to me from the wedding. I know I can't be there but I am so sad I will be missing my only son pledging his life to someone."
Kurt knew how his dad felt about marriage. He had found the two loves of his life and married them both so it made Kurt feel amazing to hear his dad describe his upcoming marriage like that. It was with that simple request that the two hung up and Kurt felt better...he felt ready. It was time to get married.
Blaine fidgeted in the meeting room. The marriages at the center were simple affairs conducted by a justice of the peace. More like business deals than typical weddings, the center's marriages were quick and efficient.
Standing in a room next to the radiant Brittany, Blaine felt like he really was sloppy seconds as Hunter so often said. Brittany looked beautiful today; the girls at the salon had taken all of her natural beauty and just magnified it. She looked just as pure and beautiful as she really was and Blaine couldn't fault her for her happiness.
Blaine, however, felt like he had just rolled out of bed and showed up...and essentially that is what he did. Hunter never recanted his order to wear the same clothes. It seemed he really did want to drive home the fact that Blaine was used goods. Blaine knew Hunter had gotten more for him than Brittany but at this point it seemed to be the principle of it all. Blaine was a failure and Hunter was being denied the opportunity to further punish him so he was getting every jab in while he could.
The lowest jab and the worst one that Blaine was still reeling from was the loss of his belongings...actually the loss of just one. When Blaine went to the lobby to look for his things he saw just one small bag. Blaine knew he didn't have much, but he figured it was more than that. Blaine questioned Nina hesitantly and the girl instantly got a piteous look in her eyes.
"He said that's all you're allowed to bring. He said the rest will be considered restitution." she bowed her head as she delivered the horrible news to the boy.
Blaine searched frantically around the lobby for his battered violin case. His eyes darted around the space searching for the instrument that had been his source of comfort and his source of joy for so many years. He remembered carrying that old instrument to lessons religiously, and hiding tiny objects in the resin case as a child. So many good feelings came from his love of music and the violin was central to it all. It was such an important thing to him; the most important thing.
Finally Blaine accepted that the space was empty. He looked back at Nina with tears brimming in his eyes. She shook her head sadly at him.
"I'm so sorry." she whispered.
Blaine pressed his fingers to his eyes and inhaled deeply, willing away the tears of loss and grief over losing his friend. He knew he couldn't have everything, and he was getting Kurt. But why did he have to lose this?
Blaine turned solemnly then to wait out the last of his time at the center in the pristine meeting room. It was there that he first saw Kurt and it was there that he would wait for the man to come take him away.
When Kurt stepped into the meeting room, he was alight with nerves and anticipation. As soon as he crossed the doorway, he saw Blaine, still clad in his red polo shirt looking like he just lost his best friend. Brittany was standing next to him looking hopefully towards the doorway for Santana. The contrast was startling to Kurt and he couldn't help but think, is Blaine that unhappy to be marrying me?
Old self-esteem issues rose to the surface, but Kurt quickly suppressed them. Plagued by them through most of his life, Kurt finally learned as an adult to try to see all angles of an issue before he automatically jumped to blaming himself. Hesitantly, he approached Blaine.
"Hi, sweetheart. Is everything okay?"
Blaine jumped at the sound of Kurt's voice. He gave Kurt a quick glance as he seemed to mull over then resolve something in his mind. He plastered a fake smile on his face then.
"I'm fine, Kurt. Of course."
"Oh...um, okay." Kurt knew the boy was lying but didn't want to push the issue just then.
The justice of the peace arrived and asked who wanted to go first. It hit Kurt how mechanical the whole process was. Essentially, Kurt knew it came down to the fact that a mail-order spouse was not allowed to leave the center without being legally married; therefore the center streamlined the entire process in the interest of business. Kurt hated business with a passion at that moment.
The girls decided to go first. The JP fed them the standard lines of the marriage and Kurt couldn't help but think how much the center's vows really sounded like a verbal contract. Oblivious thought the haze of love, the girls dutifully repeated them. The whole ceremony was over in less than five minutes.
"You may now kiss the bride." the stoic man croaked.
Brittany gave Santana this look of adoration that brought happy tears to Kurt's eyes as she leaned in and sweetly kissed her new wife. Santana, being herself, quickly deepened the kiss, taking control until Brittany squeaked in happy protest. Smiling hugely, Kurt looked over to see Blaine toeing the carpet with flushed embarrassed cheeks at the display.
Kurt wondered what he was thinking at that very moment. Blaine glanced up at him then through his eyelashes and Kurt smiled at him. God, the boy was beautiful. Even in his disheveled state, with a flush on his cheeks and something dark in his eyes, Kurt just couldn't look away.
Studying the boys face, Kurt finally settled on his flushed, pink lips. Kurt was overwhelmed with the knowledge that he would be kissing them soon. Kurt tried to imagine what they would feel like. What would they taste like? Blaine was hugging Brittany now in congratulations and the girl reciprocated over-excitedly. Kurt knew his observation wouldn't really be noticed so he took a few moments more to openly check out the gorgeous boy. The lips currently under observation suddenly moved and Kurt realized that he was staring in a daze. Shaking his head forcefully, he tried to concentrate on the situation at hand.
It was their turn then. The JP looked at the pair with irritation at their inattention and Kurt gave the mild glare right back. Kurt knew his glare was a force to be reckoned with and the JP was affected enough to turn quickly back to his book and start the vows.
"We are gathered here today to witness the formal joining of Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and Blaine Devon Anderson in the legal state of matrimony.
"Matrimony, as understood by us, is a state enriched by a long and honorable tradition of devotion. According to the law, each participant is equal and supports the common rights of one another to the marriage.
"Marriage is not just a ceremony here today. It is a commitment for life. Therefore, it is not to be entered into thoughtlessly, or irresponsibly.
"If any person can show just and sufficient reason why these two persons may not be joined in matrimony, let them now declare reasons, or else from this time forward, keep their peace
"I now call upon you both in the presence of these witnesses, to repeat after me."
Kurt listened intently to the man prompt him and carefully repeated it.
"I call upon those persons present to witness that I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel do take you, Blaine Devon Anderson to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live." Kurt's voice wavered on the last word because despite the mechanical nature of these vows, Kurt knew he meant every word. He wanted to grow old with Blaine, and care for him as long as they lived. It was as simple as that.
Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes then as he was prompted to make the same vow. The boy held his gaze, longer than he ever had since Kurt met him, seemingly searching for something. After a moment, Blaine spoke in a reverent voice.
"I call upon those persons present to witness that I, Blaine Devon Anderson, do take you, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live."
The bored looking man then turned to Kurt and asked him to produce the rings. Santana stepped forward holding Blaine's ring out first. Kurt took the now familiar smooth band in his fingertips and looked toward the JP. Taking the cue, the man continued.
"Having declared these marriage vows, let Mr. Hummel place the ring on the third finger of the Mr. Anderson's left hand, repeating after me."
Again he prompted Kurt with the vow of the rings. Kurt fingered the cool metal in his hand one last time as he listened to the droll man say what needed to be repeated. His finger tip ran across the minute engraving as he finally held his hand out for Blaine's. Settling the ring onto the tip of Blaine's finger, he began to recite.
"I give you this ring that you may wear it as a lasting reminder of our marriage vows and as a symbol of my commitment to you."
The JP then prompted Blaine to accept. Blaine looked down at their joined hands as something seemed to cloud his eyes. Swallowing once, Kurt was surprised with the strength of the boys voice as he replied.
"I accept this ring as a symbol of your commitment."
Blaine looked toward Brittany who was holding his ring and she gave it to him with a soft squeeze of her hand. Her smile was still so brilliant and Kurt was happy to see Blaine smile hesitantly back. His shaking hand reached for Kurt's and the man couldn't contain the swell of emotion that coursed through him the moment he saw that elegant band already gracing Blaine finger. He felt Blaine's cool grasp and desperately tried to will some of his warmth toward the boy. Blaine settled the ring at the tip of Kurt's finger and softly repeated the JPs words.
"I give you this ring that you may wear it as a lasting reminder of our marriage vows and as a symbol of my commitment to you."
As Kurt felt the cool metal sliding toward his knuckle, he noted the smooth softness of the worn interior of the band. In his mind, Kurt went though the list of everyone responsible for this moment, thanking them profusely. Mike and Tina for having the perfect marriage, Brittany and Santana whose love brought Kurt to Blaine, his father for teaching him about acceptance and love and that nameless couple. That couple, beautiful and perfect in Kurt's mind, who wore these rings for a lifetime. Kurt thanked that couple who readied these rings for him and Blaine in the only way he knew how.
"I accept this ring as a symbol of your commitment." Kurt whispered. He felt the weight of the band on his finger and knew. He knew this was it for him. He was ready for the challenge. That boy just wasn't ready for the love headed his way. Kurt smiled at the thought.
The JP spoke again, startling both boys out of their reveries.
"Kurt and Blaine, you have consented in marriage, and have declared your solemn intention in this company, before these witnesses and in my presence. You have exchanged the rings as a pledge of your commitment to each other; you have joined your hands to accept one another. Now, upon the authority vested in me, I pronounce you married."
Kurt turned to Blaine. He knew this wasn't a time for shyness. He wanted to kiss Blaine from the moment they met and this was his chance. Kurt leaned in slowly and waited just a breath away from Blaine's lips. He could feel the tiny warm puff of air that exited Blaine's nose on his exhale. Kurt felt Blaine move minutely closer and that was all the encouragement he needed.
Soft plush lips touched his slowly. Pulling back to properly align their lips, Kurt was warmed and humbled when he felt the delicate contact as Blaine's lips hesitantly met his again. Kurt leaned in a bit more and held Blaine's face gently with both of his hands. This seemed to spark something in Blaine as he pressed forward even further connecting more of the warm, smooth flesh.
Blaine couldn't believe Kurt's lips were on his. He took a slow breath through his nose as Kurt grasped his face softly. Blaine couldn't believe how good this felt, he'd never felt anything like this; he just knew he needed more. He leaned further into Kurt's kiss and parted his lips a bit in invitation. His tongue poked out and shyly ran across the plump lip being offered to him. Kurt noticed Blaine's advance and opened his mouth to meet him. Their tongues touched softly for a moment, just playing at the seam of their lips, neither one venturing into the other mans mouth just yet. Heat and warmth spread through Blaine at the sensual play and he couldn't stop himself form delving his tongue completely into Kurt's mouth, tasting him fully. He curled his tongue around Kurt's and was too surprised at his boldness to restrain the soft, wanton moan that escaped his lips.
Kurt took his turn then, his tongue running through Blaine's mouth in a possessive way. Blaine surrendered, letting the man just take. He had no choice when Kurt's lips were on his. After what could have been second or hours, Blaine didn't know, Kurt pulled away leaving the boy heaving for breath at the loss. The pair looked into each others eyes. Kurt's cerulean blues were clouded with lust.
Blaine bashfully lowered his gaze to the floor and was startled when he heard whoops coming from their two witnesses.
"Get it Hummel!" Santana called.
Blaine felt the blush rise in his cheeks as he glanced up at Kurt. The man looked just as red as Blaine felt. Suddenly, Blaine found himself with another armful of best friend. She held him close and whispered softly in his ear.
"I'm so happy for you, Blainey. Now we both have someone to love us!" she moved from his ear to place a soft kiss on his cheek. Blaine was overcome with emotion. His friend didn't know the arrangement Kurt and Hunter had made and he didn't want to correct her just then.
Kurt was so overcome with emotion after that kiss. Did Blaine feel that? Did astronauts orbiting the earth feel that? Kurt thought they probably did.
As soon as the congratulations died down and the four were just standing in the meeting room, Kurt realized he couldn't wait to get out of the center and get Blaine home. Kurt's last stop before leaving the godforsaken place forever was Hunter's office to pick up Blaine's a paperwork. Kurt cringed as that thought entered his mind. He hated everything to do with this process. Just the fact that he had to pick up paperwork as if Blaine was a new pet he just purchased made Kurt sick. Resigning to the necessity of the action, Kurt finally lead the way to the lobby and the owner's office. When they arrived in the grand space, he saw Blaine go towards a small bag and pick it up. Was that his carry-on? Surely there was more, Kurt thought.
"Where is the rest of your stuff?" Kurt asked.
A dark sadness filled Blaine's eyes. Kurt had to take a deep breath at the sight. He couldn't help but run his fingertips tenderly down the boy's face as he questioned him.
"What happened? Are you okay, honey?" he whispered.
For the second time that day, Blaine visibly shook off whatever emotion he was experiencing and gave Kurt a meek smile.
"No, no. I'm fine. This is all I have." he answered.
Kurt let out a soft huff of breath. Why was Blaine censoring himself like this? He figured the lobby wasn't the best place for this conversation so he punctuated his gentle caress at Blaine's jaw with a slight pat and turned towards Hunter's office.
"Okay, baby. I'm just going to wrap up here and we will head to the airport."
Blaine nodded silently and Kurt couldn't contain his feelings of frustration as he headed through the doorway for the paperwork. When he entered the office, he noticed immediately that the owner wasn't there. Nina stepped into the room then.
"He is with another client right now Mr. Hummel but I have the paperwork you need." She said sweetly.
"Oh, okay, thanks. This is everything?"
"Everything, Mr. Hummel. Please, make sure you look though it thoroughly when you get back home."
Kurt couldn't help but read into the girls statement. She was looking intently at the thick manilla envelope as she handed it over.
"Thanks. I will." he said as he turned to go.
"Mr. Hummel?" Nina questioned in a quiet voice.
"Yes?" Kurt wondered what else there was.
"Please, take care of him, okay? I know it's out of line for me to say this but he is so good and he has had a rough life. Please, just make him happy?" Nina looked appalled at herself for being so forward, but determined to see it through.
"That's all I want Nina." Kurt assured her, surprised that someone here had a heart at all.
"Thank you." she whispered.
When Kurt left Blaine in the lobby with his things, he couldn't stand being in the center a moment longer. It was so hard to stop being needy around Kurt. The man just made him want to share everything and gain all the comfort he could, but Blaine knew is place now.
He would never forget his place again.
Brittany and Santana were waiting in the car when he approached.
"C'mon Blainey. Sit by me! Where's your dolphin?" she questioned in her simple way.
"Um, getting the rest of the paperwork I think?" Blaine answered, crawling right up next to Brittany on the bench seat. She gripped his hand happily.
"Blainey, Santana moved up our flight so we could leave right away. She said that she couldn't wait to get me to our new home and so she called the airport and they are letting us leave sooner. Um, I guess that there were only seats left in first grade though, which is weird because I was already in first grade after kindergarten, but I guess they have classes on the plane too." she shrugged, just accepting it all with a smile.
Santana beamed from her seat.
"What my baby means, Blaine, even though you can probably translate by now is that they only had first class on the earlier flight so we upgraded." she softly chuckled at her wife's antics.
Blaine smiled at the pair and loved that Brit found someone who accepted her so completely.
The car door opened then and Kurt climbed in. He settled next to Blaine in silence and took Blaine's hand in his, entwining their fingers. Blaine was surprised at the gesture but didn't pull away because Kurt Hummel's soft skin on his was amazing. Blaine felt a contented feeling flow through him as he realized how perfect his current position was. The newfound love of his life holding one hand and his best friend holding the other. He felt like he was in heaven. He wished it could always be like this.
The flight and ride home went smoothly. Blaine was nervous when they offered complimentary drinks on the flight but the worry dissipated when Kurt refused the drink.
Before Blaine knew it, he was hugging his best friend desperately in front of the upscale apartment building she would now call home.
"I'm gonna miss you tonight Blainey, but Tana said I can call and go see you whenever I want. Is that okay?" She looked up at him with big, blue, watery eyes. It was then that Blaine realized how much Brit was going to miss him too. He chastised himself for forgetting sometimes that Brit, with all of her happy simplicity, still could feel sad emotions too.
"That is so, so okay, Brit. I'm going to miss you tonight too." he kissed her cheek lightly as she departed.
As soon as he got back in the car, a feeling of dread overtook his senses. He knew that Kurt lived close by and then what would happen? Blaine breathed deeply to calm himself. When the car pulled up in from to Kurt's building, the anxiety Blaine felt almost reached a fever pitch.
'Not Brett, not Brett...' was all Blaine could repeat in his mind like a mantra. His heart knew he would be okay, but his body and mind were getting ready for the worst.
Kurt led him through the lobby and into the elevator. Blaine was surprised with the luxury of the building. Blaine figured Kurt was well-off due to the fact that he was able to buy him, but this was just extravagant. The elevator dinged open directly across from a white, heavily paneled door.
"Home sweet home." Kurt said lightly as he ushered Blaine into the apartment.
Blaine was stunned at the beauty of the apartment. Everything was white moldings and plush furniture. He could see elements of Kurt scattered throughout the elegant room and that thought brought him comfort in such unfamiliar surroundings. Blaine looked on as Kurt busied himself around the apartment, listening to voicemails and checking through a large pile of mail. Blaine couldn't help but think how perfect Kurt looked in this setting. The man was so mature and gorgeous, just like the place he called home. Blaine also couldn't help think how much he paled in comparison to his new husband as he stood there, dressed in two-day old clothes, still smelling of the cheap soap used by residents of the center. Kurt seemed to read his mind.
"Do you want to take a shower Blaine? I'll just give you a quick tour then get you set up if you want." he angled his head in Blaine's direction, waiting for a reaction.
"Yes, please Kurt." Blaine answered.
Kurt led them around the large space, showing Blaine the amazing kitchen, living room and study. Moving further into the space, Kurt stopped in front of another white door.
"This is your room Blaine." he said quietly. He opened the door to what was obviously the guest room. It was nicely decorated, but there were no personal touches here.
Blaine was speechless. Kurt didn't want them to share a bed? Confusion was quickly replaced by self-loathing as Blaine internalized Kurt's motives. Blaine should have known that Kurt really did not want anything to do with him. He wasn't good enough.
Kurt obviously misinterpreted Blaine's reaction because he rushed forward to say that Blaine could do whatever he liked to the space and that they'd go this week to get him furniture and whatever else he wanted. Blaine nodded staidly. He knew his place.
After showing him the main bathroom, Kurt brought Blaine into another room that was obviously the sophisticated man's bedroom. The space was large and inviting, looking more like a showroom at Crate and Barrel than a bedroom. The bed was wide and clad in a plush duvet so thick it made the bed look a few inches taller than it already was. Blaine wanted to cuddle with Kurt in that inviting bed but pushed that thought aside quickly. Surveying the place further, Blaine was able to notice all of the tiny details that personalized the space. As he was discreetly looking at a family picture, Kurt's voice caught him again from the en suite.
"...and you probably want to take a shower in here because the other bathroom really has no toiletries that you might need...Blaine? Where are you?" Kurt poked his head out of the doorway and Blaine felt like he was caught snooping.
"Oh, I see you've found my embarrassing photo montage." Kurt said with a smile as he walked over to join Blaine at the shelf. Blaine looked at all the photos. Kurt was in all of them but one of a beautiful woman, but Blaine didn't see any photos one would consider embarrassing. In fact, Blaine had never seen so many perfect pictures of one person. Even in his varying states of age and dress, Kurt looked gorgeous.
"This one's from my McKinley days in glee- that's actually where I met Santana." Kurt smiled at the memory. Blaine loved Kurt's reminiscences, especially because they all seemed so happy.
"And this is my family. I hope you don't mind, but I kind of already promised we would go see them for Thanksgiving." Kurt looked to Blaine for a reaction
"Oh, um, sure. Are you sure you want me to meet your family?" Blaine squeaked. This statement seemed to garner a strange reaction from Kurt. The normally calm man looked kind of flustered and frustrated. Did Kurt feel obligated to introduce him? Blaine knew he would be fine with being Kurt's secret, it wouldn't be the first time. Kurt schooled his face into a smile again before he answered.
"Of course! Let's not think about it now. Let's get you in the shower." Kurt led the way again to the en suite bathroom and showed Blaine where he could find all of the necessary toiletries and towels. After showing him how to work the shower, Kurt left Blaine on his own.
As soon as the bathroom door clicked shut, Blaine retreated into his mind, remembering the events of the day and planning the events to come. Blaine swallowed harshly as he thought of his plan to be a good boy for Kurt. Surely the man was too nice to collect on his deal completely with Blaine as his slave, but the boy was determined to make sure Kurt knew how much he appreciated being saved from that place. He wanted Kurt to know irrevocably that Blaine knew his place in the arrangement.
Carefully removing his clothes, Blaine took notice of his body for the first time in months. When he first got back to the center, it took Blaine a long time before he even thought of his body as his own again instead of just a receptacle to be used for others enjoyment. Looking in the mirror, he ran his fingers lightly down his chest and over the ridges of his abdominal muscles. He blanched at the course chest hair that had regrown after months of forced waxing after his ex-husband deemed that the hair made him look too mature.
Would Kurt like his body? Would Kurt think his chest hair was bad too? Blaine's finger tips caught on one of his nipples and he couldn't contain the swift intake of breath that resulted. Would Kurt at least want Blaine to feel pleasure when he took him? The journey of Blaine's finger tips came to an abrupt halt at his waist line. Besides washing, he never let his hands wander down there. Despite all of the progress he made in the last year away from Brett, in his mind, this part of his body still wasn't his own. The year of forced and demanded orgasms made his cock seem like it belonged to someone else; everyone else; whoever had need of it or demanded its use from him.
Turning on the shower, Blaine couldn't wait to wash away all reminders of the center and his former life. As usual, Blaine looked to the shower as a source of renewal as well as cleanliness. Tonight was even more important because in this shower he would ready himself for Kurt. Blaine stepped into the almost too hot water and reveled in the feeling of the heat and wet beating down on him. He closed his eyes and let the water sluice over his face and neck. Blaine felt the heat covering him, embracing him. He felt a strange calm course through him at the thought of the man he loved taking him tonight. That would be a first for Blaine; loving the man pounding into his body. He wasn't ready for sex again, he wasn't even ready for the touches that proceeded sex, but he knew that he loved Kurt so much and was so grateful that he had to sacrifice this to be good for him.
Blaine carefully prepared his body by following Brett's long ago instructions. He washed and conditioned his hair, running his fingers through the curls individually. He took the body wash and scrubbed every inch of his skin until it glowed pink. The last step of the process was always the most embarrassing, but the most necessary according to Brett. Blaine reached between his legs with a soap covered hand and fingered his entrance. Trying to be as thorough as possible, the boy inched his finger inside to the first knuckle spreading soap around meticulously. His body rejected even his own finger, but like always, Blaine kept on just enduring the pain. When his task was completed, Blaine made sure he was rinsed thoroughly. Reveling in the warmth and heat of the water for one minute more, Blaine reluctantly turned it off and exited his temporary sanctuary.
Stepping out into the steamy bathroom, Blaine realized he forgot all of his clothes in his bedroom. After just a moment he discounted this worry. Why would he need clothes anyway? Blaine dried off his body wondering how Kurt would want to do this. Would he want to come to Blaine's room? Would he want Blaine in his? Finally, Blaine decided to just wait in Kurt's room for him to come to bed. With one last run of fingers through his curls, Blaine carefully deposited the towel in the hamper and exited the bathroom.
Kurt was no where to be found in his room so Blaine decided to continue with his plan of waiting for his husband and now master to come to bed. Blaine was chilly but didn't think it would be okay to cover himself up. Instead he crawled across the plush duvet and settled down right in the middle of the mattress. Spreading his legs slowly, Blaine decided that the current position would be the best option for displaying his offering to Kurt. With that thought in mind, he turned his head toward the wall and waited.
Kurt was getting worried about Blaine. What was taking him so long? Kurt was so tired after the events of the day today and honestly couldn't wait to get to bed. Kurt remembered the look of dejection on the boy's face at his own bedroom and Kurt was worried. Should he have asked Blaine to sleep next to him? He didn't want to give the boy the wrong idea about his expectations so he thought his own room, his own space, would be ideal. Not that Kurt wanted to sleep apart from his boy. That morning a few days ago when Kurt woke up with the boy snuggled into his arms was the best morning of his life so far. Blaine looked so beautiful and peaceful in his sleep...Kurt just wanted to hold him forever.
Looking at the clock, Kurt realized how late it really was. Finally deciding just to check if the boy needed anything Kurt headed to his room. Opening the door and stepping inside, Kurt turned to see the most beautiful view he had ever experienced in his life.
Blaine, naked and glowing, was laying in the middle of his bed. When the boy noticed Kurt's entrance, he seemed to stiffen for a moment before visibly relaxing himself. The boy's slightly parted legs gave Kurt a full view of his now soft cock and balls. The aforementioned legs were magnificent, covered sparsely in course hair and muscled. Kurt's shocked eyes wandered up to the deep grooves that framed the boys lower abdominals stopping for a moment before continuing along the trail of hair to his tight strong chest. Kurt realized he had stopped breathing when his body screamed at him to take a gulp of air. The boy was immaculate. He was stunningly beautiful. Kurt couldn't avert his eyes even though every instinct told him he should. Finally, Kurt's eyes finished their journey when they met Blaine's. The look in the golden amber depths was pained, but the voice that came from the boy was clear.
"Do you want to f-fuck me, Kurt?"
If it wasn't for the shaky waver in the question Kurt didn't know if he would be able to turn down the offer. Making the decision even harder was the fact that Blaine spread his legs wider, bending them at the knee and tucking them close to his body to reveal his obviously scrubbed and pink entrance. Kurt made himself look away with a gasp as he felt himself hardening rapidly. He forced himself to meet the boy's eyes again noticing that the gaze had turned from sure to tearful. As the tears glistened over the brink of Blaine's lower lids and caught in his sooty lashes, Kurt couldn't hold back any longer. He strode up to the bed and keeping his eyes averted, grabbed a throw blanket to put over Blaine's vulnerable body. The boy looked scared and confused as he dropped his knees and blinked up at Kurt.
"No, no, no...sweetheart, what are you doing?" he cooed to the boy as he sat next to his now covered figure on the bed. After he covered Blaine, the boy seemed to shrink into himself, curling up his body as tightly as possible.
"D-don't you want me, Kurt?" the boy asked, choked with tears.
"Shhhhh, baby, not like this, never like this." Kurt assured in a comforting voice.
"But, I'm yours." he whispered.
Kurt was surprised. What did Blaine mean by that? Did he mean he cared for him, wanted this? No, Kurt knew what want looked like and this certainly wasn't it. He decided to be honest.
"And I am yours sweetheart. But we don't ever have to do anything like this if you're not ready." Kurt finally couldn't hold back any longer and reached forward to card his fingers through Blaine's still damp curls. As always, the boy couldn't control his reaction as he snuggled further into Kurt's hand, chasing the touch. Kurt was overcome with warmth as Blaine accepted comfort from him again. Blaine pulled back then, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
"No... I belong to you now. Please, do what you will. Please think it was worth it. I'm sorry you had to pay so much for me." Blaine looked down at the duvet. Kurt saw tiny spots of wetness develop on the white surface of the bedding as Blaine's tears fell.
"Oh, honey...I'm sorry that was the way it had to be. I'm sorry I had to pay for you like and object. Please know I don't see you like that. I just want you to be happy. I don't ever want to take from you, I just want to give." Kurt felt himself choke up at the scene before him. His sweet love was so lost. What would it take to get him to realize his worth again? Did Kurt have the strength? Instantly, Kurt knew the answer to that one. He knew he would do anything for this boy. Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek and noticed then that his skin was like ice. How long had the boy been laying in wait for him?
"Let me get you some nightclothes. You are freezing." Kurt needed just a moment. He needed a moment to regroup, to plan, to control his tears and be strong. He dug through his bureau and pulled out some flannel bottoms and an old t-shirt. Placing them gently next to Blaine he softly told the boy to get dressed before he got sick. Exiting the room, Kurt went to turn down the guest bed for Blaine. He just wanted him to feel safe tonight.
Baline felt tired and wrung out as Kurt left the room. He wasn't sure if he was upset at the rejection or thankful for the reprieve. Blaine was so confused. How would he repay Kurt if he wouldn't take his body? What else did he have? Eyeing the pajamas set out on the bed, Blaine thought that the first step to repayment could at least be obedience. He got up and dressed in the soft offerings reverently, taking the time to inhale Kurt's scent on each article. Blaine wasn't even sure what was in his belongings bag. Did he even have pajamas of his own? Putting aside that worry, Blaine sat on the bed and waited for Kurt to return.
A few moments later, the man knocked softly on the door and stepped into the room.
"Okay, sweetheart. Your bed is all made up for you." he smiled.
"A-alright Kurt." Blaine whispered. He didn't want to be by himself tonight, but Kurt made it clear he didn't want Blaine in his bed. The boy's shoulders slumped as he walked dejectedly past the silent Kurt to his designated room. Crawling into the too cool sheets, Blaine shivered. He grabbed the pillow at the head of the small bed and cuddled it to his body, grasping for any kind of comfort he could. The loss of his pillow made his head and neck uncomfortable, but Blaine welcomed the dull strain. He laid there for a long time trying to figure out another way to pay Kurt back, to make him care for him, until he fell into a fitful, tearful sleep.
A while later, Blaine woke again unsure about how much time had passed. The nightmares were worse than ever and Blaine couldn't stop the shaking sobs that wracked his body. He curled into the pillow still gripped desperately in his arms but the soft item brought him little comfort.
Kurt startled awake, not knowing why. What time was it? He had such a hard time sleeping without Blaine by his side but he kept reminding himself it was for the best. The light dreamless sleep that resulted was more tiring than anything and Kurt couldn't wait for the night to be over.
A noise sounded from down the hall. Was that what woke him up? What was it? Kurt got up to investigate and headed to his bedroom door. When he reached the hall, the noise became clearer to him...it was sobbing. Kurt was confused for a moment until he realized what the sound meant. Rushing to Blaine's bedroom door, he knocked softly.
"Blaine, honey, are you okay?" he called into the dark space.
Large hiccuping breaths were his answer from the other side of the door.
"Blaine, I'm coming in, okay?"
"Please, Kurt. I'm sorry!" came the desperate reply.
Opening the door slowly, Kurt was met with the sight of Blaine curled tightly into every inch of bedding he was given. The pillow was clutched in his arms and the duvet was twisted between his legs and he hugged the material tightly.
"I'm so sorry I woke you up Kurt! I promise, I promise I-I'll just go to sleep now." he hiccuped.
Kurt made his way to the side of the bed and rubbed his flat palm over Blaine's back.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he whispered.
"N-nothing, it's nothing Kurt."
Kurt remembered back to the last time Blaine was like this, he remembered what he needed then.
"Blaine, can I hold you for a minute?" he asked gently.
"Please..." came the frantic whisper.
Hushing the boy softly, Kurt reached down and took Blaine in his arms. All of the bedding came with him, so Kurt took a moment to separate the boy's appendages from the material and wrap them around himself. When Blaine was completely cuddled into his side, Kurt began to hum softly. One of his dad's favorite songs came to mind then. He remembered the story his dad would tell when the song came on the radio about how he was so nervous to tell his mother about his feelings that he made a tape of this song for her. Kurt had laughed back then when his dad spoke of having the tape player set to record while listening for hours waiting for the song to play, just hoping that he would catch it right in the beginning. Kurt loved the song and its gentle rhythm. Smiling at the loving memory, Kurt began to sing in a soothing voice.
Well, I know it's kinda late
I hope I didn't wake ya
What I gotta say can't wait
I know you'd understand.
Every time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song.
Kurt realized then that he was saying I love you in Blaine's presence and it felt so, so right. He knew he needed to tell the boy soon, regardless of consequences. Despite his fears, he just needed to put aside his inhibitions and lay it all out on the line. Feeling the weight in his arms grow heavier, Kurt realized Blaine had fallen asleep right in his arms. The boy snuggled closer in his sleep snuffling the last remnants of his tears into Kurt's neck. Overcome with love, Kurt decided to finish the song for the sleeping boy.
Yeah, I know it's kinda late
But everytime I'm near you
I just run out of things to say
I know you'd understand.
Every time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song.
Every time the time was right
All the words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song
Yeah, I know it's kinda late
I hope I didn't wake you
But there's something I just gotta say
Know you'd understand.
Every time I tried to tell you,
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song.
Warning long A/N below :D
The song in the chapter is I'll have to Say I Love You in a Song by Jim Croce. This situation actually happened to me (it was a cd though :D) and I have to say it is one of the most beautiful ways to hear I love you...give it a listen!
I also wanted to say that this chapter is dedicated to Cleverboots for her wonderful input, insight and love. The wedding scene was actually going to include more intricate vows but this great lady taught me recently that love doesn't need to be complex or difficult- some of the best love can be found in the simple. Despite my boys constant drama, I wanted to pay homage to that amazing philosophy. She is an inspiration and I am very thankful for her unwavering support. I hope this chapter met with your approval :) If you have not read her most recent story, "Bound for Glory" (On S&C for my FF readers) and you want to read something so original and beautiful it makes you want to die, then check it out! Klainelove...yours is next my friend!
To all my other readers...thanks again. This is a wonderful community and I truly enjoy writing for you. Please let me know what you think!
Comments
Wow, that was a very long chapter! Yay for a very substantial update :) I felt very said about him losing his violin - that just really affected me, because it was such a sentimental and symbolic personal belonging for him. Please say he gets it back in the later chapters? And, I wonder what the catch in the paperwork was that Nina was alluding to when she told Kurt to him to read through it thoroughly when he got back home - I found that suspicious. Thank you for such a satisyingly long chapter, and I am hoping to see some happier tides for Blaine now that he is out of the center -- or do you have more Blangst planned still? Also, I was wondering if you had an idea of how long you planned this story to be?
Sorry I am so late responding to you! So to answer your questions...as for the violin and papers- I can't say too much but just know- like Ryan Murphy, I too love happy endings. As for the blangst? A bit more to come. Not only do I love it- I just want their progression to be natural and thorough... I posted a new chapter today and hopefully if you decide to indulge me by reading it you will see what I mean. Happiness is on the way though-worry not:) and as for length, I would say maybe 5-6 more chapters but who knows...this is a wip and more and more stuff just keeps begging to be added :)Thanks so much for your review!
You're wish is my command my friend...although as you can probably tell by now it will probably take a while to get there :) you are right about you and Cleverbootss- I am thankful for you both so much!!! So yeah....*bashfully toeing the ground* your chapters up today...check it out and I hope you like it!
Cleverboots is the lovliest person on the planet! You cannot go wrong if you listen to her, especially as her stories include help from me, so we are all in great company haha Loved this chapter, so gentle! I just wish Blaine and Kurt could actually take courage and tell eachother how what they expect from the relationship so that Kurt can calm Blaine's anxieties.
So excited when I realized this had been updated. Such a sweet and sad chapter, thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much!!! Eh! I'm a sucker for blangst- I'm so glad you are too!
I love this story and I hope there is a new chapter soon,I can't wait to see what happens so if there is a new chapter let me know,Thanks
New chapters up!!! Ha ha!!! Sorry for the long wait! I was sick and acting like a big baby for the last few days. I'm so glad you love this story- thanks for taking the time to let me know!