April 28, 2013, 10:36 a.m.
Hold Me and Sing a Lullaby: Chapter 2
E - Words: 2,013 - Last Updated: Apr 28, 2013 Story: In Progress - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Jan 19, 2013 - Updated: Apr 28, 2013 989 0 0 0 0
"Blainey, come snuggle me!" Brittany whined to her friend.
The two were settled on the couch in the center watching what Brittany deemed the most important program of the day, Spongebob Squarepants. Blaine looked over at his new friend. She had only been there a few weeks but in that small amount of time she had stolen his heart. She came to the center with her parents looking poor, tired, and dirty. Despite the rough life she seemed to lead, there was a sparkle in her eyes that Blaine noticed right away. Blaine had been back at the center for a year and in this time he felt a connection to no one. He just did his work and hoped no one noticed him. That all changed when the bubbly girl came into his life.
At Britney's insistence the boy scooted his body up to her side and wrapped his arms around her. Even this simple touch still shocked him sometimes. When he first came back to the center, he wouldn't even look anyone in the eye, never mind touch them. The only one that could bring out this side of him was his closest friend. From the moment they became close she just didn't take no for an answer, like in her sweet way she could never imagine why someone would want to refuse a hug. Because of this simple acceptance and sweet love, Blaine just could not refuse her anything.
"Blainey, do you think I will like the girl who chose me? She seems really nice in the emails and pictures but I'm kind of scared." Brittany relayed these fears directly into Blaine's ear in a childishly small voice. Blaine was unsure of how to answer this. He wanted to reassure his friend but after his personal experience he didn't know if he could form the words. Luckily Brittany seemed to take his silence as something comforting because she just burrowed further into his side and blinked her eyes in a tired manner.
"Blaine!!" a harsh voice yelled from the doorway. Blaine knew that voice. He had heard it demean him and scream at him off and on for the last year since he came back to the center. Hunter Clarington, Blaine's boss and tormenter wanted his attention.
"Yes sir, what can I do for you?" Blaine asked.
"What makes you think you can just laze around all day? Do you think that might be why your husband returned you? Why he sent you back? No one likes laziness Blaine." he said with a smug smile on his face.
"I'm sorry sir. What do you need me to do?" he asked again while looking only at the floor.
"Why do I even put up with you? You know that we have a prospective wife for Brittany coming tomorrow. Why isn't the meeting room clean?"
"No, I cleaned it this morning. It should be perfect!" Blaine said softly but desperately.
"So not only are you lazy, but you are also calling me a liar? Get in there now, clean it again and then do not come out of your room for the night. I don't want your rejected ass to be bringing the atmosphere down when they come." Hunter finished that statement with a sneer and left the room.
Blaine crumbled under the weight of the insults. Brittany quickly climbed off the couch and took Blaine in her arms.
"Let me help you clean Blainey, then we will snuggle in bed until tomorrow. It will be alright." she cooed softly in his ear while helping him to his feet. Blaine was comforted by his friends words but knew that in actuality, nothing was going to be alright. He knew that the only person he cared about from the center would be leaving him forever in a few days and he also knew that Hunter would only keep him around for so long before he kicked him out. No one wanted a failure and a reject around. Blaine hurriedly cleaned the posh meeting room again as he noted the blatant differences between the meeting room and the rest of the center. The meeting room was the only room the clients ever see of the place so the fabrics and furniture in this room were the best of the best and a far cry from the meager dorms that made up the rest of the facility. It was all a part of the illusion. The clients that came to the center wanted to think that they were getting this perfect bride or groom who was pampered and innocent instead of the reality. Blaine shook his head at the injustice of it all as he finished the job with Britts help.
The pair went towards the direction of Blaine's room when they were stopped by Hunter again.
"You,,girl, go get ready at the salon. I need you to look your best and most expensive tomorrow." This message was conveyed in a much softer voice than was ever used with Blaine. The usual tone returned when Brittany left and Hunter turned toward him. "What the hell are you still doing out here? You can miss dinner for that my friend, I had better not see your worthless face until tomorrow after the meeting to clean up."
Tears hitched in Blaine's throat at the mention of his worthlessness. He knew it, he knew he was worthless and used and broken but what could he do? Blaine wanted to run away and just curl up in the gutter somewhere but for now he was still property of the center. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to...not until Hunter kicked him out.
The small boy returned to his room that was stark and desolate save one beautiful aspect. His violin, the hand me down from his grandfather was perched on its stand by his bed. The instrument was his only saving grace and the only reason he was able to survive the year of torment and the year of loneliness before Brittany. Blaine picked up the instrument and felt the weight and warmth of the wood in his hands. He loved the way the the old instrument smelled of history and worn wood and resin. He loved that just a tiny swipe of his fingertips down its strings could garner a beautiful sound for only his enjoyment. With baited breath, he lifted the instrument and tucked the chin rest into the space between his shoulder and neck. He sat in silence for a few moments deciding what he wanted to play in that moment that would let out all he felt and all he wanted. The violin was his voice, even if what he was saying was only conveyed to himself in his dark, little room.
The dark memories of his time with his assigned husband started to creep into his thoughts. The scared feelings and pain accompanied by cries of 'No Please!' that went ignored for so long. Blaine swallowed slowly and used everything he knew to suppress those thoughts. He cleared his mind and went back to a time when he was young and his big brother had taken him to the one and only play he had ever seen. He was eight and he remembered the beautiful velvet chairs of the grand theater and the sounds of the orchestra warming up. So many memories of that show had saved him but he decided to play one of the songs that conveyed his longing for a better life. His fingers tentatively touched the fingerboard as he lovingly ran the bow along the strings.
As he played the notes, the young girls sentiment in the song was transformed to comfort him. All he wanted was to be held and comforted and loved. The words to the song, geared towards a child's aspirations were no less poignant to his situation as they ran through his mind to accompany the haunting notes...
There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a room that's full of toys,
There are a hundred boys and girls,
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says "Cosette, I love you very much."
I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
When the melody was finished, Blaine continued pouring his heart into every note, morphing the chords into a piece of his own composition. This freestyle composition flowed through him as he felt himself tiring and weakening with the strain of the day. Finally the last resonating note carried softly through the room as he gently propped his instrument up in its place of honor.
Stumbling to his bed, exhaustion and worry finally won out as he closed his eyes and curled himself into a protective ball to sleep.
******************
As usual, the dreams plagued Blaine. He couldn't even have his dreams for his own without memories of the man who broke him. As soon as his sleep reached the point of dreaming, Blaine found himself arriving at his new husband's home, warm and floaty with the prospect of love. The moment the threshold was crossed, however, those dreams began to crack and crumble.
"Get in the bedroom." were the first words uttered to him in his new home. Blaine was just eighteen and a virgin. His husband's demeanor scared him and made him hurry toward the direction of the room with dread. He wanted to be courted, to be loved before this step was taken. Even though his husband was physically nothing he ever desired, he hoped he could learn to love the man who saved him from his old life. Brett was 42, balding and overweight. When Blaine first met him he was instantly turned off but no amount of pleading would sway Hunter Clarington. Brett had a bank account that matched his girth and Blaine soon found that true love was never the goal of the center; whoever could pay the highest price got their pick of the lot.
That first night, Brett forced Blaine down on the bed and took his virginity with no prep, gentleness, or love and every day after that he raped him again. In his dreams Blaine relived every moment with the horrid man until he opened his tearful eyes the next morning and that night was no different.
The next morning, just like every other, began with Blaine trying to keep the contents of his stomach inside his body. All he could do to stay calm was to remember the day he got out. To remember the day the police came to the hospital he was sent to for the twentieth time to say he was going back to the center and Brett was being arrested.
Blaine was skin and bones at that point and so weak from lack of food that he could hardly comprehend what the police were saying. When he realized the gravity of their words he broke down with thankfulness that he would never have to go back there again. The happy feeling flowed through Blaine on the plane ride and in the car until the reality of his new life at the center set in. That first night Hunter sat him down and berated him for hours about not being a good husband to Brett. He told him a good husband performs his husbandry duties and he reminded Blaine repeatedly that he failed. Blaine shook and held back tears as he received the verbal abuse but in the back of his mind all he could think of was that he was free. That first night, before the dreams came, all he could think of was the fact that his body was his own again- it wouldn't be grabbed harshly by uncaring hands or forcefully used. That first night, after he cried the tears of worthlessness and self depreciation at Hunter's harsh assessment, he cried tears of joy for his freedom.