"Mercedes, hand me that cummerbund."

"I can't do this."

"Don't forget that his shoes are with Puck."

"I can't do this."

"I know. How a guy like Noah became so good at shining shoes, I have no idea."

"I can't do this."

"I still think he just buys Corfam shoes. They're too shiny to be real leather."

"I can't do this."

"Wait, which bowtie are we going with again?"

"I can't do this."

"The pink one."

"I can't do this."

"No, I thought Blaine wanted the pink one."

"I can't do this."

"Oh, duh, you're right. His cummerbund is yellow. Why do I always forget this?"

"I can't do this."

"Maybe it's the bachelor party last night. I still can't look at bright lights—I have no idea how I'm going to stand under a skylight for the next hour."

"I can't do this."

"How many times do you think he's going to say that?"

"I can't do this."

"I don't know. He was so thrilled last night—now he just looks green."

"I can't do this."

"WHITE BOY SHUT UP!"

Kurt looked up from his yellow-sock-clad feet. "Huh?"

Cutting Mercedes off before she could yell sense into the shaking groom, Rachel eased Kurt off of the dressing dais and onto a nearby brown leather couch. "Okay, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this."

Mercedes bit back a scathing retort. "Do what, boo? You've only been dreaming of this day since you were four."

"I know!" Kurt buried his face in his hands with a groan. "I mean, what if something goes horribly wrong? What if I trip walking down the stairs? What if the lights go out, or a tornado touches down? What if someone stands up in protest? What if Blaine—?" He stopped short.

"What if Blaine what?" Rachel wrapped an arm around Kurt's trembling shoulder, careful not to muss his sharply-ironed dress shirt.

Kurt's answer came in a whisper. "What if he realizes that he doesn't want to marry me?"

"Oh, boo!" Mercedes collapsed in front of Kurt, thankfully not in her dress yet, and grabbed both of his hands in her own. "That is crazy. Blaine adores you. He practically worships the ground you walk on. When he told Rachel, Finn, and I how he wanted to propose to you, we could barely understand him, he was talking so fast. He went on and on and on about crazy stuff like how he wants to wake up next to you every day for the rest of his life and how every time you speak his heart stops beating and the kind of fluffy crap that makes Santana want to barf."

"I talked to him this morning, Kurt," Rachel continued Mercedes's thought. "He was jumping on furniture and talking a mile a minute—I think he was channeling Tom Cruise."

"No, he always jumps on the furniture here," Kurt mumbled. "It's like his thing."

"So what's the problem, sweetie?" Mercedes lifted a hand and forced Kurt to look her in the eye. "He's not even close to having second thoughts. Why are you?"

"What if we don't make it?"

Two pairs of arms engulfed Kurt, and two voices babbled in his ear.

"Baby, are you crazy?"

"You will totally make it!"

"You two are perfect!"

"Beyond perfect!"

"I know you can't see it, because you're in it, but your relationship is more real—"

"It's more mature than mine and Finn's, that's for sure."

"I mean, you two have never been typical, in any way."

"You are going to last forever and ever and have dozens of adorable babies and a million grandbabies."

"And I will be their godmomma."

"You two are beautiful—"

"—and you will be together forever."

Kurt sniffled. "You're right, girls. I'm being silly. Oh God!" He jumped up, knocking Rachel and Mercedes over. "My eyes must look a mess! How could you let me carry on like that? I need to fix this!"

The two women rolled their eyes at each other as their diva best friend rushed to the mirror. Just then, the door to the junior commons creaked open. "How's everything going in there?"

Rachel smiled up at Finn. "We're good. A little nervous, but Mercedes and I got it under control."

"I'm not nervous!" Kurt insisted shrilly.

Finn walked up behind his brother and hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy for you, bro. For the both of you. I know you're going to be great together."

"FINN! CREASES!"

"Right, sorry!" The giant of a man released Kurt, who immediately started patting himself down. Finn grabbed his hand and slipped the claddagh ring off of it with a grin. Kurt and Finn, the latter the former's best man, matched in most respects: simple black tuxes, white dress shirts, black dress shoes (shined to perfection thanks to Puck, oddly enough), yellow socks, and yellow belt buckles. The only differences were Kurt's yellow bowtie to Finn's yellow skinny tie, Kurt's yellow rose boutonni�re to Finn's yellow pocket square, and Finn's lack of a cummerbund. The girls slid their matching canary knee-length dresses over their slips. They then tucked one pink carnation each in their curls and adorned each wrist with one thin pink band. Their pink heels completed the ensemble.

"You ready?" Mercedes asked when all were dressed.

Kurt nodded shakily. "Let's do this thing."

"Blaine, get your ass down here."

"Can you imagine how amazing he's going to look? I'm going to be grinning like a fool! Not that I mind—I am a fool."

"I've noticed. Now get off the couch and get dressed."

"I'm so glad our two musical families are singing together for this."

"Yes, it's a lovey-dovey melding of worlds. Will you get off the table already?"

"I took a look at the decorations—Kurt's so amazing at this!"

"If you don't quit this you'll be late to your own wedding."

"Do you think he's nervous? I wish I could see him."

"So help me God, Hobbit, I will yank you down if I have to."

"Now I'm getting nervous. What if I screw up or say something wrong or forget my vows? Kurt'll never forgive me!"

"If I have to hurt you, Kurt will kill me, but it will be worth it."

"Oh man, what if I pass out?"

"I'm going to kill him. I will kill him."

"Oh my God, I'm going to be late!"

"You will be the death of me, Hobbit!"

Blaine hopped lithely off of the back of the couch in the senior commons. "How long do I have?"

Cooper rolled his eyes. "Just over an hour. Now get over here and get dressed." The groom's older brother tried to sound stern, but there was a smile in his voice. He was his little brother's best man at his wedding. He knew from the first phone call that Blaine was going to fall in love with Kurt, and from the first meeting with the stylish kid that he was never going to fall out of it. He remembered Blaine calling to tell him that he was going to propose to his boyfriend of eight years.

"Hey, B!"

"I'm going to do it."

"...That's...nice...what?"

"I'm going to propose to him."

"Oh my God! That's great, Blainers! I'm really, really happy for you."

"I already talked to Burt, asked his permission and whatnot. He said—oh my God, I'm shaking—he said that his answer was yes the day that I came to the garage and told him to talk to Kurt about sex. We weren't even dating then!"

"You always did make a hell of an impression, kid."

"Well, the first impression I ever got to make on him was hungover in his son's bed, so I'm not sure how that would be true."

"Eh, semantics."

"So, I'm going to do it after my first show."

"Whew..."

"What?"

"That's gutsy."

"What? Why?"

"I mean, getting up there, in front of everyone, putting Kurt on the spot, putting yourself on the spot..."

"Oh my God, you're right. You're right. I can't—I mean—what if he says no—or—or what if he freezes, and I'm left kneeling there like a fool—God, Coop, what if he says no? I don't think I can handle that! Oh my God, I can't do this—no, I take it all back, I'm not going to propose—"

"Damn, Hobbit, chill out. I'm just messing with you. Kurt's going to love it. It's just the right balance of cheesy and romantic. It's you. It's the two of you. He'll love it, and he'll say yes. Trust me."

"...You think?"

"Blaine, he'd've said yes if you asked him on that damn staircase the day you met."

"...Thanks, Coop."

"Any time, my brother."

Smiling, Cooper quickly gelled down Blaine's riot of curls, giving up on trying to make the younger man stand still. He then helped his brother into his tuxedo, straightening his pink bowtie and cummberbund, pinning his pink rose boutonni�re to his lapel, and trying not laugh at his matching pink socks.

Blaine just finished centering his pink belt buckle when the door to the senior commons opened. "Hey, Blainers!"

Blaine turned around. "Wes! David! So glad you guys could make it!" The groom quickly embraced his best friends, laughing out of the pure joy of the moment. The two ex-Warblers wore tuxedos not dissimilar from the grooms', but with no cummerbunds, pink pocket squares and belt buckles, and yellow skinny ties and socks. Cooper, on the other hand, matched Finn, save of all his colored accents were pink like Blaine's instead of yellow like Kurt's.

Blaine bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. "Are you guys ready to watch me get married?"

The three other men exchanged a knowing glance. "Only for the past eight years or so."

"Shut up, Frankenteen."

"I'm twenty-seven, Santana. I'm not a teenager anymore."

"And yet you keep growing. How do you not have your own zip code yet?"

"Lay off, Satan."

"Oh hey, Hobbit. It seems that you're actually shrinking. It makes sense—I mean, you were already dressing like an octogenarian in our sophomore year. I'll tread carefully; don't want my stiletto to crush the remnants of your prehistoric beak."

"You haven't changed at all."

"Thank you. Now, can we get this show on the road? I hear there's lesbian porn on pay-per-view."

"Come on, we're here for my brother's wedding. Can we just be civil?"

"Fine. Where do I need to stand?"

"Kurt wants the New Directions and the Warblers to meet next to the staircase."

"Why?"

"They're getting married on the steps."

"Why?"

"Because that's where they met."

"And you might be...?"

"Thad Harwood, my lovely lady."

"Lesbian."

"Oh."

"FINN!"

Finn spun around and spotted his mother standing at the top of the marble staircase, elegantly dressed in a bright pink gown. She motioned wildly for him to pay attention. He followed her pointing finger down the hall and realized she was telling him that the wedding was about to start. He nodded once and ushered all the New Directions singers and Warblers to the space next to the staircase. The girls were all dressed to match Rachel and Mercedes, and the boys matched Wes and David. The only singers who stood apart were Finn, Kurt's best man, and Puck, the officiator. Finn and Cooper waited on the second step up from the bottom, the former against the rail, the latter against the wall, and Puck waited on the ground in front of the bottom stair. Along one side of the stairwell stood a small gathering of family and friends: Kurt's maternal aunt, the Shuesters, Sue Sylvester, Blaine's costars, Kurt's design partner. When Kurt was little, he had dreamed of the big wedding with more guests than he could count, but when it came down to reality, neither groom needed anyone else but this tiny gathering of those closest to them.

A nod from Carole led to a nod from Finn, and Brad the piano man, as stoic as ever, struck up a tune on the baby grand tucked away under the top landing. With a smile, Rory stepped forward to sing.

The music swelled, and the New Directions and the Warblers, former rivals, joined as one to sing behind the Irish man.

At the end of the first chorus, Blaine appeared at the top of the staircase, his arm looped through Carole's. The two descended the steps slowly as Rory continued crooning smoothly, the normal piano interlude shortened slightly.

Blaine and Carole reached the bottom step just before the verse finished. The groom kissed his soon-to-be mother-in-law on the cheek, and the woman retreated up two steps, standing just above Cooper, back to the wall. As the chorus started once more, Kurt approached the top of the stairs, arm-in-arm with his father, who was dressed identically to his stepson. Blaine's breath caught in his throat as the beautiful man walked down, his glasz eyes already shimmering with tears.

The two choirs died out at the end of the chorus, just as Kurt and Burt finished climbing down the stairs. Burt kissed his son's cheek and moved to stand one step above Finn, across from Carole. Blaine and Kurt immediately locked eyes, eyes unwavering from the each other. Rory sung the last line with a powerful warble. "It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best." Brad tapped out the last few notes, and the song ended. Not a dry eye was to be had in the hall.

Puck—who had shaved off his "dead raccoon" at Kurt's insistence—smiled up at the guests. "Welcome, you guys! Today, we're going to finally watch these two lovebirds get married. It's only been, oh, eight years in the making. I know I wasn't so supportive of Kurt in the beginning—I mean, who knew that when I was tossing him into dumpster, I'd one day be officiating his wedding?" That earned a couple of uncomfortable laughs. "But then I found out what a cool dude Kurt is, and when he and Blaine got together, I captained that ship—USS Klaine." The laughs were definitely more boisterous now. "Technically, you can all thank me for being here today. If I hadn't told Kurt to go spy on the Warblers—"

"It was you!" Wes hissed, pointing a mockingly accusatory finger at Puck.

"Aw, hush prep school. If I hadn't told Kurt to go spy on the Warblers, he would have never met this dapper hobbit, and we would all be living our lives without one of the most epic romances in history.

"But enough sappiness! Let's get on with this. So, you all know why we're gathered here, so are there any objections?" Puck glared around the hall. Blaine and Kurt exchanged a look. They knew that there were plenty of objections to their marriage—but none were on that staircase. "That's right, there better not be any objections. Okay. The vows, I believe? Kurt said he wanted to go first, so the stage is yours, bro."

Kurt shot Puck a look that clearly read this is my wedding can you please stop being so informal before looking at his fianc�—not for long—with nothing but love. "Blaine Everett Anderson. I spent weeks writing these vows. The reason it took me so long was because I kept starting over, because nothing was coming out right. I don't know what to say to you, what to vow to you. I vow to be faithful, that's for sure. I vow to let you win arguments every once in a while. I vow to only dictate what you wear when we're going to really important events. I vow to hold you every time you watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows—both parts—and you sob uncontrollably in that ridiculously adorable way of yours. I vow to never mess with your careful book organization system, even though I'm absolutely dying to just put them in alphabetical order instead of using the Dewey Decimal System." Blaine let out a breathy laugh, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. "I vow to make you smile just like that as often as I can. I vow to cook you my famous crepes at least once a week. I vow to never try to curb your coffee habits. I vow to forcibly drag you from the pet store every time you insist on coming home with one of the puppies, no matter how cute or helpless it is. I vow to start a family with you when we're both ready. I vow to love you until my last breath leaves my body. I vow to you be yours, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part." Even though everyone had laughed several times during Kurt's vows, by the end, nearly all the women were crying, and several men had to rub their eyes a few times.

Gripping Kurt's hands in his own, Blaine chuckled softly. "Damn, Kurt, I wish you hadn't gone first. I'm not sure how I can follow that." The congregation tittered appreciatively. "Okay, um...I think I'm going to throw my vows out the window and say...I vow to never play my guitar when you're sleeping. I vow to look past your unhealthy addiction to trashy reality shows. I vow to speak in Italian to you whenever you want, so long as you speak in French to me in return. I vow to let you take as long as you want in the bathroom. I vow to only to sneak in the shower with you when we both have time for such shenanigans." Kurt's face flushed red and his eyes blew wide. "I vow to make you blush like that as often as I can. I vow to listen to you rant whenever something doesn't go exactly right at the design shop. I vow to give you advice whenever you need it. I vow to always take your side, even if you're not completely right. I vow to always get misty-eyed every time I hear 'Blackbird.' I vow to never, ever intentionally hurt you. I vow to protect you to the best of my abilities from all the hate in this world. I vow to love you to infinity and beyond. I vow to you be yours, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part." This time, every single man and woman was undoubtedly crying at the passion of Blaine's words. The two lovers did not notice, however, for they were far too busy trying to decipher the meaning of life from the other's eyes.

Puck cleared his throat. "I think it's about time for the rings." The best men removed the other's brother's claddagh ring from their pockets. Cooper handed Kurt's ring to Blaine, and Finn handed Blaine's to Kurt. "These rings symbolize loyalty, friendship, and, above all, love. For the past few months, the grooms have been wearing them on their left hands, with the hearts pointing away from their bodies. This is the placement of engagement. But today, before you all, they will, for the first time, wear their rings on their left hands, with the hearts pointing towards their bodies. This means that their hearts belong to each other, that no one else will ever have them, and that they will forever be one. Kurt, you can go first."

Sniffling and blinking back tears, Kurt shakily slid the ring onto Blaine's finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand tightly, and then lifted it to copy Kurt's actions. "With this ring, I thee wed."

The two looked expectantly at Puck, who laughed. "Alright, alright, simmer down. By the power invested in me by the state of New York—even though they're getting married in Ohio and I haven't quite figured that one out yet—I now pronounce you husbands. Go on, mack on each other."

Rolling his eyes at his friend's antics, Kurt threw his arms around Blaine's neck and locked their lips together in a searing kiss. The room exploded in cheers around them, but all they noticed were Blaine's arms snaking around Kurt's waist, pulling them tighter together, and the cool press of metal into their left third fingers. After catcalls and a desperate need for air, the husbands—husbands—broke apart with a laugh. Their hands flew to each other's faces, foreheads pressed together.

"I love you, husband," Blaine whispered, eyelashes wet.

Kurt smiled back. "I love you, husband."