Chapter 13

Kurt let out an angry sob as he headed towards the shower...Today was Trail day... He would have to face Connor and he was terrified. He just never wanted to see him again and just have a happy life with Blaine. 

Finn and Rachel were "baby sitting him" so he didn't do anything stupid. At least that what his dad had told him. Burt and Carole were all ready there setting up for the trail.  Blaine and him were going later.
 Kurt lasted 10 minutes in the shower. He looked at his wrists and cried again. 

When he shut off the water, he took a shuddery breath and stepped into the cold air, grabbing a towel to dry his hair half heartedly. When it was semi dry, he moved the towel down to wipe water off his stomach, legs and arms.

He paused, staring at his tear striped face in the still slightly foggy mirror.

He yanked open the cabinet under the sink, his thoughts swimming.

He felt so alone. Nobody could even see it besides Blaine. He was useless and weak. He couldn't remember a time when he felt included.

And it was all just so fucked up. When did everything fall apart? When did his walls crumble? When did his life unravel and the seams?

Blaine. Of course it was Blaine. He was the one who cheated on him. In fact, he was the one to make him stop. He's dragged the razor blade away on the bathroom floor, and it felt like Kurt was breaking.

And now he was giving up. You'd think that he'd feel anger or pain. Or sadness. But all he felt was relief.

And what hurt the most, was that his life and had unraveled in a matter of a year.  Irony at its cruelest.

He found a blade under the sink, and sobbed with new found happiness. It was probably Not the sharpest but he couldn't care less cause there it was, glimmering in the low lighting, in his water soaked fingers.

He didn't even pause to breathe. He pushed it to his inner wrist and pulled across, gasping as he felt what he'd missed most. He'd never gone this long without cutting, and it felt damn good.

Quickly, he cut again, clenching his fist as the pain ebbed away to a dull sting. He realized then that he was sobbing. He was in hysterics.

He couldn't help the sobs that choked out of him, and his small whines. He should care, he should, but he didn't. There were people in the house, they could hear, they could call, but he just didn't care.

With more force, he sliced again, blood raising into beads that dripped off his skin onto his bare chest.

He'd moved to sit back against the tub, the cold marble pushing against his back painfully, but not bad enough for him to care.

Someone knocked on the door, but he was in a trance and barely registered it.

"Kurt?" Someone called through the wooden door, but he didn't listen. He'd locked it, he was safe, it was just him and his perfect disaster.

"Kurt answer, you're freaking me out." Finn said threw the door, but he sliced again, this time his other arm, biting his lip as a tear fell onto his chest.

"Kurt, if you don't answer I'll call someone!" Rachel added.

He didn't care. He cut again.

"I'm serious!"

He didn't care. He cut again.

"I'm calling Blaine!"

He paused. Blaine. Oh this was going to ruin him. A sob erupted Kurt, loud enough for him to hear. He bit back a cough.

He heard muffled voices and worried conversations. But he was fucked now anyways.

So he cut again.

Longer.

Harder.

Faster.

Deep-

Something snagged. He'd felt it tug and that wasn't normal. It sent a jolt to his heart as he saw blood start to pour. Not bead, not dribble, but pour.

His brain wasn't even working properly, what had happened? Red was everywhere and it hurt and it felt like he was emptying and-

Stop it. Stop the bleeding. Rational thinking was yelling at him.

He grabbed a towel, tears still streaming, now cold, and pushed down on his wrist, hissing as it hurt.

Oh god. It hit him like a freight train. He'd cut a vein. Maybe an artery.

He'd read horror stories online about people who'd gone too far, cut too deep, but had always told himself no, not me.

And oh god, Blaine was right. It only took one innocent mistake. A fraction more pressure.

He already felt light headed, but whether that was real or imaginary, he didn't know.

The only thing he did know, was that the towel wasn't white anymore, and panic was setting in.

~o0o~

Blaine nearly tumbled out of his car. He ran to the front door of the Hummel/Hudson's  house. Instead of knocking, he tried the doorknob and upon it being unlocked, he slammed it open.

In the foyer Finn was pacing nervously. His face screamed scared. He saw Blaine and instead of looking relieved, he looked even more scared.

"Where?" He asked, although it was more of a statement.

"Upstairs." Finn told him. "Just...hurry."

Blaine took it as a bad sign that he was near tears. He ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time, nearly stumbling more than once. He reached the second floor and fell to his knees by the bathroom door where Rachel was sitting.

"He hasn't answered me, the door is locked and we could hear him crying and oh god..." Rachel trailed off, frantic.

He rapped on the door.

"Kurt? It's Blaine honey. Please. Answer me." He called through the wooden barrier, his voice cracking twice.

He heard a choked sob. He pressed his ear to the wood.

"Kurt, you need to answer me right now. Are you okay?" He asked, his heart jumping. It was killing him that he couldn't get to his boyfriend. He couldn't see him or hold him and god, it hurt.

Another heart wrenching sob.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" He called, his own eyes tearing with fear.

"No." Came Kurt's voice, and oh it was strangled and pained but it was audible thank god.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Blaine called again, and couldn't help but notice that Rachel was now crying.

"I...yes." Kurt answered, and Blaine bit back a cry of his own.

"Baby you need to open the door. You need to." He said, listening intently. He heard Kurt cry again.

"I can't." He finally answered. Blaine tried not to growl with frustration.

"You gotta let me in babe. You can do it." Blaine coaxed, hoping to god that when he swung the door open he'd be okay.

More silence. Then a sob.

"No...you...you don't understand. I can't." Kurt choked out, and Blaine felt himself freeze.

He didn't question it further or think about it or anything because Kurt needed him and he needed to be there for Kurt.

Standing up, he motioned for Rachel to move. She shuffled a good two feet away.

"Kurt, are you near the door?" He asked, mentally preparing himself.

"No." Kurt said weakly.

With that, he backed up, angled his shoulder, and rammed into the door. It didn't open, and pain shot through him, but he heard a crack. He rammed it again, harder this time, and he felt it nearly open. It was clear the lock was now close to broken, and he winced thinking about hitting it again. Taking a deep breath, he gave one last glance to a shocked looking Rachel before slamming into the door full force.

It whizzed open, causing him to nearly stumble. The door bounced off the wall and then off his now hurt shoulder, but he didn't care because he was frozen.

Kurt was sitting against the tub, covered in blood. He was holding a towel tightly to his wrist and he was sobbing, in absolute hysterics.

"Kurt. Oh god Kurt.." Blaine fell to his knees again, this time closely to Kurt. His mind wasn't working and there was red everywhere and he could hear the girls crying and he realized he was too and get it together.

"I'm so sorry Blaine, I-m s-so sorry." Kurt cried, his whole body shaking.

"No, no honey It's okay, deep breaths." He soothed, even though it seemed worthless and out of place.

He grabbed another towel off the rack and pushed it over the other that was soaked through. His hands were now staining red and his mind was spinning but he knew he had to think straight for Kurt's sake.

"How bad is it?" Blaine asked, not daring to remove the fabric on his wrist.

Kurt hiccuped and shook once again. Blaine instantly felt the need to protect overpower him, and he wrapped himself around his boyfriend the best he could.

"It...I d-don't know. I'm so s-sorry Blaine, I didn't m-mean to go too far, d-don't hate me-" He was saying, his voice stretched thin.

"No, no I know, and I don't hate you, I could never, I will never. I just...shit do you think you hit an artery?" Blaine asked, his brain finally kicking in.

"Mhm. I'm s-so s-sorry I-" Kurt cut off with sob.

"Oh god, babe..." Blaine shut his eyes and took a breath. Time seemed to be going slowly, because he'd only been in here like thirty seconds.

He whipped his head around to see Rachel and Finn in the doorway, both crying, hands over their mouths. 

"Call 911." He ordered fiercely, in shock.

"Wh...what?" Rachel asked, the color in her cheeks draining.

"Call 911 Rachel, and if you can't, get someone who can!" He shouted.

Kurt mumbled something mid cry and Blaine snapped his attention back to him urgently.

"What is it? Too many people?" He asked knowingly, and Kurt nodded hysterically, shifting the now half soaked towel on his arm.

Blaine detached himself from Kurt quickly, and shut the door.

He then shuffled back to Kurt, situating himself between Kurt's spread legs.

"Shh baby, breathe, you need to breathe. The ambulance will be here soon; you gotta relax." He told Kurt.

He put his forehead against Kurt's sweaty one, looking into his cyan eyes closely. He took his hands and put one around the other boy's waist, and the other pushing firmly against the towel.

"I...I d-don't wanna die, Blaine." Kurt told him, then whimpered. He fucking whimpered.

Oh god, Blaine was gonna lose it. He shook his head quickly; determined to fix this, to make it better; that was his job.

"You are not going to die. The paramedics are going to come, we're gonna go to the hospital, and they'll fix you. You are not dying here, you understand me? No. You are going to hold on for me. You're going to hold on for you. Because five years from now you'll be doing everything you ever wanted to do and this will just be a nightmare you choose not to think about. And I'll be there with you every step of the way, okay? Kurt please hold on. Please." Blaine begged.

Kurt nodded, but it was a tired movement; his face pale and his eyes growing exhausted.

Blaine began to shake himself, his resolve crumbling quickly.

"Kurt, I love you so much. I am so, so sorry. this whole thing would never of happen if it was for me and-and I'm so sorry honey." He said, a sob finally escaping his throat.

"S'okay. Not your fault." Kurt mumbled. Blaine could see that he was becoming more and more tired. He was obviously losing too much blood, and Blaine started to cry all over again.

"Yes it is. It is." He sobbed, leaning in to kiss the other boy's nose. "I'm so sorry Kurt."

"It's okay. I love you. Remember that." Kurt said, closing his eyes.

"No. Kurt don't do that. Don't say goodbye. We still have so much to do..." Blaine cried. He couldn't decide whether he was over reacting or under reacting, but either way, he couldn't contain his tears.

"I know." Kurt said, his head using Blaine's for support.

"We're gonna go to Paris, remember? We said we'd vacation there. And we'll live in New York City. And you'll be on Broadway, or doing whatever other amazing thing you want to. And maybe I'll teach music to kids, that's something I'd love to do. And we're gonna get married Kurt, and we'll have a dog, or a cat, and one day we'll adopt kids. Or use a surrogate. We're gonna have kids one day, and you'll be the best dad there'll ever be. Just...hold on baby." Blaine sobbed.

By the end of his choked speech, sirens were blaring outside and Kurt wasn't responding like he should. He heard feet stomp up the stairs, and the door burst open revealing paramedics.

He moved out of the way guiltily, his hands crimson and shaking. Without Kurt in his arms he felt empty and cold. Suddenly he wished that he hadn't let go.

The paramedics were shouting things, but he couldn't keep up. They lifted Kurt onto a stretcher and Blaine couldn't help but think about how small he looked. So fragile, so broken. Just like how he'd been when they first met...

Oh god. He'd been standing there crying and the paramedics were on their way down the stairs.

He hurried after them, staining the banister red as he stumbled every few steps.

He ran past the Rachel and Finn, who were standing in shock in the driveway. They looked terrified, much like he felt, and he heard something along the lines of "who can drive the fastest?" as he hurried forward.

He made it to the ambulance as they were loading Kurt in, and without thinking he jumped in after him, dropping onto a bench and grabbing Kurt's only available limb, which happened to be his leg.

The paramedics gave him a look but didn't argue as they shut the doors and started driving fast, sirens loud and turns sharp.

They were fussing over Kurt, wrapping fabric around his wrists tightly, putting an IV into his arm as well as a bag of blood that began dripping immediately.

There was so much blood. Kurt was unconscious now, and Blaine sobbed again because he couldn't see his beautiful eyes. Those blue-grey orbs that he fell in love with, and what if he never saw them again...

No. Shut up. He'll be okay. He will. He has to be...