Carole hated what was happening not only to Kurt but to Burt and Blaine too. It was one thing watching strangers at work going through this, but to watch someone, who is like a second son to you, go through it is awful. What's more she also had to watch Blaine and Burt suffering. She felt guilty because it was her old best friend that did this to him. If she wouldn't have let her bond with Finn maybe it wouldn't have happened. Then there were also the thoughts of gosh she was so close to Finn what happens if it had been him.

After Kurt had been pushing everyone away for a week she decided to talk to him. (Kurt and Blaine's trip had been extended until Kurt was ready to go back.) Carole couldn't sit around and watch this family be torn apart anymore. She decided that someone needed to talk to Kurt. As harsh as it may sound someone need to talk to him and say it straight.

"He's distraught you know Kurt." Carole said entering Kurt and Blaine’s bedroom, to see Kurt curl up on the bed, with the covers almost completely covering his face, a position that was far too common for him now.

"Hmmm?" Kurt replied as if he really didn’t care.

"Blaine," Carole stated simply, hoping it would be this approach that worked on making Kurt see what he was doing to himself and others,

"Don't talk to me about Blaine. I don't want to hear it Carole, if that's all you came here for leave."

"Why not Kurt? Go on tell me why you don't want to talk about him?" Carole inquired sitting down on Kurt’s bed making it clear she didn’t plan on going nowhere. And she really didn’t plan on going anywhere, she could not see her stepson like this anymore, she was not going to let Kurt let his family be pulled apart by this. She knew he wasn’t meaning to but that didn’t make it any easier.

"Because, I'm not worth being able to hear his name anymore. I'm not worth anything from anyone. Plus he keeps lying saying he loves me."

Now Carole can see why Blaine is taking this so hard, it hurts her to hear Kurt doesn’t think Blaine loves him so she can only wonder how hard it is for Blaine. "You're wrong," she correct, gently pulling the cover down, away from Kurt’s face slightly. He was far too pale, she could see the black lines under his eyes, and his face even over that past few days seemed to be getting thinner, it really worried her.

"What do you mean I'm wrong?" Kurt asked in a cold tone of voice.

"It means that your poor fiancé is going crazy watching you like this knowing your closing up to him. He can't remember the last time you said you loved him. But you want to know what's breaking him the most is when you tell him he doesn't love you.”

Kurt scoffed, “because he doesn’t.”

 Carole shook her head, gently placing her hand on top of Kurt’s arm. “You couldn't be more wrong Kurt. It's hurting him watching you hurting and not being able to help. He isn’t saying he doesn’t want you to hurt, because he knows that only natural, however he wants you to let him help you get through that hurt.”

“What’s the point…what’s the point when I’m this Carole, I’m confused and messed up and don’t even know what to think of myself anymore.” And while his tone was still cold Carole could hear the emotion behind it, she was getting through to him slowly.

“He wants to help you because he knows what under all that confusion.” She spoke gently beginning to run her hand gently up and down Kurt’s arm. “He wants more than anything is for you to let him in. He wants to curl up with you every night and tell you just how loved and special you are so that it starts to become a strong feeling in yourself amongst all that confusion. He wants to be that shoulder you cry on when you feel like it's all too much. But most of all he just wants you to let him help you." Carole said stressing that last point and she knew that was all the Blaine really wanted.

"He shouldn't love me though Carole,” Kurt argued, shaking his head, while a single tear fell from his eye. “I was raped meaning I had sex with someone whilst with him, so I practically cheated. I've got a son Carole and no matter what I decide, he doesn't at 22 want to know his fiancé has a child. Name one reason he has to love me? Name one reason any of you have to love me?"

 “Because the kind of love we have for you is unconditional Kurt. I know you have been though some really horrible things but you need to let people in and be there for you. I can’t imagine right now what you’re going through, no one that’s not been in your position could, but we can’t even try to understand if you don’t let us in. I know it’s hard but you have to realise that not everyone in this world is out to hurt you.” And finally Carole watched and Kurt caught her eye, and that was progress, she knew from talking to Blaine and the times she’d tried to get him to eat he hadn’t been making eye contact at all.

"But I'll always be tainted by this. Doesn't anyone realize that, it makes me horrible and disgusting, Carole.” She could tell he really believed what he was saying about himself, by the look in his eyes. Kurt’s eyes had already been so expressive. 

"No Kurt you are not horrible and disgusting.” And this time as she ran her hand down his arm she grabbed hold of his hand. “Kurt you will only be tainted by this forever if you let yourself. And that doesn't sound like the sassy Kurt Hummel I know. The Kurt Hummel I know would fight for anything he wanted badly enough." With that Kurt looked away from her again, he didn’t pull his arm away, but she couldn’t get his eye contact again.

"But I'm not the same Kurt. All this knowledge has torn away that Kurt," and she hated hearing him talking like this, she didn’t know what else to say but she wasn’t going to give up.

"That's my point Kurt you are the same Kurt. You are just letting this hide that Kurt away. Hiding away from the love people have for you,” she squeezed his hand gently trying to add more effort behind what he was saying.

"But Blaine shouldn't have this love for me Carole, not anymore,” Kurt sighed and she could tell it was hurting Kurt by the way he said Blaine’s name.

"Oh come on see the light. I am not going to let up here. I know I may seem harsh because yes what you went through was and is horrible. But someone needs to make you see what you are doing. Blaine didn't ask you to marry him just to run out if things get tuff. He loves you unconditionally Kurt whether you like it or not, and I know you feel the same about him."

"Yes but why?" Kurt asked shrugging, and his voice was becoming cold again. Carole was determined to go anything to stop that. No she couldn’t imagine how Kurt was feeling right now, but she was pretty sure that he would feel better letting Blaine in, he may not realise it now, but she knew the second he allowed Blaine in he would heal better.

"You’re still not getting it. Let's put this on the other foot if it was Blaine going through this would you leave him?"

"Hell no," Kurt almost shouted.

"Would you want to support him and make him realize how special he was?"

The reply came instantly, “yes.”

"Would you stop loving him?" she questioned.

"Never, I couldn’t, he's everything to me, my rock, the person who keeps my world spinning,” and Carole could hear the love and care behind his tone now.

"Well I think you just answered your own question." Carole waited and allowed Kurt to run things over in his head.

"Oh god I've been so stupid," Kurt sobbed.

"Oh come here sweetie." Carole said maneuvering herself so she that she could pull Kurt up and into a hug, to which he went easily. She knew it was her fault he was crying but he needed the reality check. "It's okay you can sort this out. Blaine understands and he’s just waiting for you to let him in,” her voice was more motherly now, and had taken on a quieter volume.

"I know Carole but it's so hard.” Kurt replied whilst sobbing, “every time I let people in I normally managed to get hurt one way or another. Whilst I know he has never hurt me before I feel so vulnerable right now. Letting him in would be giving him the chance to crush me if he wanted to."

Carole nodded in agreement. "Yes Kurt if he wanted to which he doesn't. Watching you trying to deal with this alone is hurting him."

"What am I meant to do Carole?” Kurt questioned, pulling away from Carole gently and catching her eyes. “I do want to let him in, I'm just so scared. I do want to get through this, I love him so much. I want to marry him just like we'd planned. It's just things really seemed to be going right, I have the man of my dreams, and well the job of my dreams, even if it isn't Broadway. And just as I get to a point like that everything feels like it's ripped away from me. I'm so confused I don't know how to deal with it because I don't properly know what this is. I have no idea what happened to me Carole. I know it sounds horrible but I think I would have rather have never known Alaxander existed than have to deal all this." Carole could see the tears still flowing freely from Kurt’s eyes, and she tightened her grip round him some more, it was so true that for everyone it would be easier if they didn’t know the truth, but they did now and they had to deal with that.

"I know sweetie. You just have to remember that you don't have to make any decisions quickly. If you ask me, and I know it may sound crazy, but I think to be able to make the decisions you need to go back to New York for a while. You need to live your life, and think about what would change if you made each decision and go from there. The worst thing you can do is make a rushed decision. Yes Alaxander is your child, that doesn't mean you have to take him on Kurt."

"I know it's so hard. I know I have some kind of control over this; I can choose whether or not I want him. However at the same time I feel like a big decision has been taken from me. The decision on whether I ever wanted children, and if so whether I ever wanted biological children. They were decisions Blaine and I were meant to sit and make together and they have all been ripped from me Carole. However that means it doesn't just affect me it affects Blaine too. And as I said I do really want to let Blaine in but what am I meant to do now I've fuck up so badly Carole. I forgot how this is probably hurting him too he must hate me." Kurt finished burying his head in Carole’s shoulder, so she rubbed her hand in comforting circles on his back.

"No Kurt he loves you, more than anything in the world. And all I'll say is he's in the kitchen." With that Carole placed a kiss on the top of Kurt's head and walked out of the room.

*****

Kurt knew he had been a complete idiot, he'd only seen his own hurt, hadn't thought what it must be like for his fiancé to know that he had been through all of this. Yes he was hurting but Carole was right he had to let Blaine in. Blaine had never hurt him before and he had to put full faith and trust in him now. Without even really thinking he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. The second he laid eyes on Blaine he saw just how hurt he was, and he wanted to help change that. He walked up to Blaine and turned him around so they were facing each other. He stared into Blaine's hazel eyes for a few seconds before leaning in to give Blaine a kiss. A kiss that conveyed all the emotions he felt towards the man he loved and just how sorry he was.

As he pulled away from the kiss he rested his forehead against Blaine. "I love you."