June 28, 2013, 11:51 a.m.
Questions, Life and Family Bonds: 10: Closing In
E - Words: 1,382 - Last Updated: Jun 28, 2013 Story: In Progress - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Sep 02, 2012 - Updated: Jun 28, 2013 983 0 5 0 0
If Blaine and Burt thought that first day was hard it was nothing compared to what they still had to go through. Over the next few days Kurt retreated in on himself. More and more often he was refusing to get out of bed. He was refusing to eat, instead choosing to just drink water, not even his usual 5 cups of coffee a day.
Blaine thought it had been hard seeing Kurt freeze at the police station after being told he had been raped but this was awful. This was like watching the man he loved very slowly and painfully die. Nothing he was doing seemed to be helping; Kurt was even withdrawing away from him.
"Kurt baby are you going to come and have some dinner?" Blaine said sitting gently on the bed.
"No." It was short and sharp.
"Carole's cooked your favorite honey," Blaine tired to reason, he knew Kurt needed to eat this was doing him no go at all.
"I don't care I said no."
"I know you are feeling awful at the moment Kurt but not eating isn't going to help." Taking hold of his hand to no resistance, but Kurt didn’t exactly return the gesture either.
"I don't fucking care Blaine eating is not going to help me either!"
"Will you not even come down for me?" Blaine thought it was worth at least trying one more time. He wasn’t the kind of man to take no for an answer especially not the first time.
"Oh stop acting like you care Blaine and fuck off!" That hurt, that really hurt, because Blaine cared about Kurt more than anything in the whole world.
"Okay I'll leave you alone, but I do love you Kurt," Blaine reassured standing and walking towards the door.
"I know your lying Blaine I know you don't love me anymore."
“I’m not lying, Kurt, I love you more than you’ll ever know Kurt,” Blaine said shutting the door. As soon as the door shut Blaine's knees buckled and he slipped to the floor, he didn't know what to do for the best anymore. He wanted to just wrap Kurt in his arms and make him realize how loved he was but every time he tried Kurt always rejected him, which made Blaine feel worse. However that was the first time Kurt had said Blaine didn't love him, and it broke his heart.
Blaine pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly; he let his head fall on top of them and allowed the tears to fall. Blaine didn't know how long he sat there but all of a sudden he felt a pair of motherly arms wrap around him. If he was being honest it was just what he needed, he knew he wouldn't get anything of the sort from his own mother.
"What's wrong sweetie?" and he could hear the concern in her voice.
"Kurt….Kurt…Kurt said I don't love him anymore Carole." Blaine continued to let the tears flow; it was like they were blood directly out of his own heart. "It's so hard Carole. It's killing me watching him like this, it's like he's dying, but it's happening so slowly and it makes the pain so much worse.” Blaine managed to look up at Carole while he was speaking and she could tell she was worried about Kurt too. “He is my world Carole and I love him no matter what. I understand why he thinks I wouldn't love him but it still pains me to hear him say it. I didn't ask him to marry me to go running as soon as anything bad happened. I know this isn't just anything but I still don't want to run. I want to be here to support him and protect him. I want to be able to make him realize just how loved he is but he just pushes me away. I keep trying and every time he pushes me away, I come away feeling worse than I did before." Blaine knew he was probably talking too much but he needed to get it all out.
"It's so hard to explain, I know what happened to Kurt is killing me. Knowing the love of my life was raped and that it could be my fault is killing me. I feel so guilty Carole. I love him and I never want anything to harm him." Blaine sobbed, with his breathing began to get shallow.
"Come on calm down sweetie, how could it be your fault?"
Blaine put his head in his hands to answer; he hated himself for that night. "If I wouldn't have left to go home, if only I would have stayed and left early in the morning it wouldn't have happened."
"Oh Blaine sweetie, you don't know that. You don’t know that it wouldn’t still have happened with you here, there were so may of us here without you and it still happen. No one that was here that night can blame themselves sweetie.” Blaine shock his head because it was his fault.
“But if I wouldn’t have left I wouldn’t have left his side, she wouldn’t have been able to,” Blaine said over the tears that were still falling.
“No Blaine, look at me,” Carole said gently lifting his chin up so he had no choice but you. “Blaine, for all you know if you would have been here she may have done something to you too. You can’t blame yourself or the guilt is going to eat up at you for something that isn’t you fault.”
“But, it feels like it is Carole, and it’s just so hard. I never wanted anything to hurt him and no look where we are.” Blaine said more calmly now, Carole and her words just seemed to have that kind of effect on him, and it was probably the fact he offered the mothering figure he’d never really had.
“I know it's so hard,” Carole said, pulling Blaine in for a gentle hug, and he allowed it, and allowed himself to rest his head on her shoulder. He needed some form of physical contact. “I can only imagine how hard it is to handle with Kurt pushing you away. Burt is doing the same to me but to no way near the same extent. He blames himself too you know. He thinks he let Kurt and Marie down. You both need to realise you’re not to blame and keep trying to help Kurt, like the way you are now. I know that’s hard when he’s pushing you away, but it’s a natural reaction and nothing against you. It’s a common factor in people who have been raped, and for Kurt its not just that, but he’s trying to withdraw from something he doesn’t actually have memory of, which just makes everything hard for him. His mind will be working up many different scenarios of what happened to him, not know if they are right, he’s struggling to heal, because to heal you have to come to terms with what happened, but he doesn’t know what happened.”
“Yes, I think I understand that. I sometimes wonder if it was better that he never knew. I mean I’ll stand by him, and I always will but seeing him like this makes me wish he never knew.” And it was the honest truth he really did, yes if Kurt wants to take on Alaxander Blaine would be there with him every step of the way, that didn’t mean he had to like what the revelation had done to his fiancé.
“And that’s why he loves you Blaine, deep down he knows you’re not going to leave him, but he’s just too confused on top of that at the moment. Just keep trying to make he realize that you’re not going anywhere, because soon he’s going to hit his lowest point in all this. That will be the point when he lets you in. You need to prepare yourself for that as it isn't going to be easy. Never forget that we love you, and even more importantly never forget than Kurt loves you, and deep down under all that darkness he knows you love him too." Carole said kissing to top of his head, and the small gesture, helped Blaine remember that yes, in time everything would be alright.
Comments
This was really good. I just hate seeing the boys in pain but I am glad that Carole was there to comfort Blaine and to give him the strength to keep going. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next and to see what it takes for Kurt to let Blaine or Burt in.
Thank you for your kind review it's nice to know people are reading this and enjoying it. I am hoping to update every Tuesday, so look out for the next chapter then :D
Okay, this story is really interesting! So diferent from other Klaine-stories, and I must say I like the twist! Looking forward to see where tis is going :)
Thank you very much for your kind review. I am glad your are enjoying the story. The reason I started writing it is because I had never personally come across anything with this kind of twist or plot. I hope I will be able to post every Tuesday so keep an eye out :)
I know Kurt is upset but poor Blaine he is also going through with him and getting treated like shit but Carole is right about how Kurt feels