Kurt's POV

As I put yet another outfit back into my closet, I can feel myself starting to get worked up. Nothing is matching up together, and the things that are make me look fat. I never have this much trouble choosing clothes normally; I normally know instantly what works and what doesn't. I normally feel good in anything. Right now I just feel disgusting and ugly. I don't feel good enough; I just can't go out looking like I do, wearing anything that is currently in this closest.

But I have to do this. This is meant to be time for me and Blaine to spend alone talking about who we are as a couple and as parents. This is a chance to hopefully get back on the same page with Blaine. Time to work on what caused him to be so distant when we were back in New York. Sort out what we want to do about Richard, to become the strong family we once were.

I have to do this. I have to find something that I look good in. It's been so long since Blaine wanted to be near me, I need to look good for him, as I obviously haven't been good enough recently. I select another outfit from the closet and put it on, realising how long I've already been up here. Finn came for the children half an hour ago and I was meant to be ready to leave by then.

I walk into the bathroom and look into the mirror. Once again I instantly know it's not right and I look so fat. Honestly, no wonder all Blaine's been doing is withdrawing from me. Who would ever want someone that looks and sounds like me? It's all too much and I can't do this. I cannot go out there like this, it's too much. I sink to the floor and for the first time in so long I let my insecurities that I've been pushing down about myself surface. I allow myself to acknowledge how I'm really feeling about myself and I let the emotions come along with it.

I don't know how long I stay there on the bathroom floor, but it must be a while. In the end I hear the door open, but I can't even be bothered to look up. I don't feel strong enough to face anyone or anything right now. I've been holding everything together too long and well it's finally taken its toll. I'm ugly and unwanted, that much is clear.

"Kurt?" I hear Blaine say, and it's a question that much I am sure of. But I can't look up. I can't look up and see the disgust and rejection in his eyes. Just for a while longer I need to hold on to the image of the way he used to look at me, like I was the only man in the whole world. I need to remember when he looked at me like I was worth more than anything else to him. I know if I look at him now that that will all be gone.

All of a sudden I feel an arm around my shoulder, Blaine trying to offer me comfort. "Kurt, look at me," he commands gently but I still can't. When I haven't responded for several seconds I feel Blaine's warm hand under my chin, gently trying to lift my head. I close my eyes and stop fighting, I let it happen. I know I have to, at some point, so I do. I open my eyes just in time for my sight to lock with his and I don't see the disgust or rejection I expected. I see concern and, dare I say it, love.

"Talk to me?" Blaine asks gently.

"What's the point?" I ask "It won't change anything."

Blaine sits down on the floor just in front of me keeping eye contact. "You're upset, and I won't believe for a moment that I haven't got something to do with it. So talk to me, let me see if I can help," he states gently.

"Nothing will help. Nothing will make me desirable; nothing can stop me looking fat, or ugly. Nothing can stop me being repulsive and that's what I am. I know that's what…"

"Stop that," Blaine says harshly and at his tone I do, because it's not like him to talk like that.

"Up," he orders, giving pretty much no room for argument. He walks into the bedroom and I follow, because he will only come back if I don't. He sits on my bed, and beckons me over by patting the bed between his legs. I don't know quite why but I do it.

I climb onto the bed and sit myself in between Blaine's legs, sitting stiffly not quite sure what to do. And I hate feeling like this; it never used to feel like this. I try and hold it back, but a small sob escapes from my lips, and as it does I feel Blaine's arms come around me and pull me against his chest. And this, this is something I know, this is familiar. And I can't help but start crying properly again, because I miss this so much.

"Hey, shhhh, you're gonna be alright," Blaine soothes gently. "I know this is my fault, but I want to help you. I need you to talk to me."

I close my eyes and relax, because this is the Blaine I know, this is my Blaine. I allow myself to just feel this for a while and I know that Blaine will probably just give me the time I need to start talking to him, or I hope he will anyway.

I'm right, he doesn't say anything and after a while I feel ready to speak.

"I feel so ugly," I say honestly. "It isn't a new thing, I've been feeling like this for a good while, but I just can't hold it in anymore."

"Okay, carry on I'm listening," Blaine reassures after I'm silent again for a while.

"I feel so disgusting all the time, and I feel like I'm fat, and not at all pleasing on the eyes. Like I said earlier, I feel repulsive. I feel like I'm not worth anything. And most of all I feel like I'm not worthy of being loved," I admit truthfully, and because it's been a while since I was able to, once I start speaking I just can't stop. "I mean look at me, my skin is too pale. I don't exactly look like your typical man. I've always been seen as too feminine. And well that's just all topped off by the way I sound," I rush out. I wonder if, at some point, my brain is going to catch up and stop me talking.

Blaine starts to twist my body and I know he's trying to hint at me to turn around. I do so slowly, not quite sure if I want to see the look on Blaine face when I do. But as I do see his face I don't see what I expected. Instead of the rejection I expected to see there, I see concern sparking in his eyes, and having seen the look many times, I know its concern for me.

"You know that's not true, don't you?" He asks stroking my face gently with his thumb. And as I shake my head, I can't help the tear that escapes because I really do feel that everything I said is true.

"Well, I will tell you now, Kurt Hummel-Anderson, that none of it is true," Blaine reassures me. I want to believe him, but I can't. "I think I might know, at least partly, why, but can you tell me why, truthfully, without worrying about my reaction?"

And maybe I shouldn't, because, well, we aren't on the best terms we ever have been, but I do. I know that rebuilding this relationship has to start somewhere and even if it may hurt him hearing the truth from me, he has to if we are ever going to have any chance at getting what we used to have back.

"As I said, I've been this way for a while. But honestly what started it was all your rejection. At first I tried to look past it, but it slowly started getting to me. You kept rejecting me, and each time something inside me just broke a little more. In the end it snapped and I just gave up even trying. I realised it was because I don't turn you on anymore, that I'm just not desirable like I used to be. So I just, well, gave up. I mean it's not exactly surprising. Look at you, you're perfect in every way, especially compared to me, but well it doesn't make it any easier to deal with."

For a while there's quiet. Just as I think Blaine's been too silent to be planning on saying anything, he starts to talk to me. "I am so so sorry I ever made you feel that way. And I honestly know right now that that is how I made you feel, but it's not true. I did it so you would pull away from me because I couldn't leave you. No matter what my dad was doing, I couldn't leave you. I had to put the ball in your court. But seriously you have and always will be such an attractive man to me. There's nothing wrong with being feminine. I'm not attracted to uber-masculinity anyway. . And I know you don't always like me bringing it up, but you know how much attention you often get when we go out or well used to go out in New York. You're attractive Kurt, and that's the end of that. As for you saying you're fat, you are anything. I've actually been trying to find a time to bring this up, but I'm actually worried. I either didn't notice back in New York or it's happened since you arrived here. Kurt you're tiny. You look like you don't weigh enough. You haven't been eating properly, have you?"

I don't want to admit it, but I shake my head. Honestly I don't remember the last time I ate properly, and that includes when I was back in New York.

"How long for?" Blaine asks and I can hear the concern in his voice. And right now I'm not sure if I'm glad it's there or angry it's there . I mean if he'd have been at all concerned for me in New York, I wouldn't be in this situation. Plus I can't quite get my head around it. I feel fat but he's saying I'm not. Is he just lying to me again? I can't help but wonder.

I look away as I mumble and answer, hoping he won't be able to hear me, because it's not going to change anything. I still feel fat and ugly, no matter how long I haven't been eating properly for.

He clearly doesn't hear but he doesn't let me get away with it. He lifts my face up to look at him holding it there, before asking again. "Kurt, how long haven't you been eating properly for?"

"I dunno, it started in New York. I'd say with all the stress of coming here, and, well if I'm honest, thinking that our relationship could really be over it's been even worse since I've been here. But it's not working anyway because I'm still fat." As I finish I turn my face out of Blaine's grasp because I can't stand being made to look at him any longer.

I don't notice that he's got up from the bed until I feel him guiding me to do the same. I reluctantly comply, because I just don't want to fight right now. I'm fed up of fighting. Fed up of fighting with Blaine, fed up of fighting how I feel, just over all fed up of trying to fight. He guides me back into the bathroom and stands me in front of the mirror.

"Look at yourself Kurt, you are not fat. You are still the perfect man I fell in love with back in high school. And despite the complete idiot I've been the past six months or so, I honestly do still love you more than anything."

I so want to believe his words but for now I can't. After these past months I know it will take a while before I trust his words again. I feel Blaine's hands on my shirt asking for permission to move it. I nod, not trusting my own voice. He lifts my shirt, to a height that allows me to see my stomach and the beginning of my chest. It's a sight I don't like, as its part of the proof that I'm ugly and too fat. And somehow Blaine must know what I'm thinking because he starts speaking.

"This is not fat Kurt," he tells me gently placing his hands on my stomach, and I'm surprised I don't flinch at the contact. It's been that long. "Though it's not you either. You're too slim, your ribs are starting to show. What would you do if one of your models came to work this thin?" And that is a question I can answer promptly because it's something I've always been particular about.

"I'd tell them they don't have to be bone thin to model my designs. I want models that represent true people in society." In the mirror I catch Blaine's smile to my response and I'm not quite sure why but I don't question him on it.

"Would you tell them they were too fat, or too ugly to model for you?"

I quickly shake my head because I wouldn't dare of doing anything of the sort. "Of course I wouldn't, you should know that." I say honestly.

"Exactly and that's my point Kurt. You aren't fat, ugly or repulsive. You just need to step back and trust your own advice. You need to trust yourself and trust that right now after all the mistakes I've made that nearly cost me you, I wouldn't be lying to you."

"Okay," I say quietly, because maybe I don't trust him right now, but maybe I can learn to trust him again.

"Does that mean you'll stop worrying, at least for tonight, and let me take my husband out for dinner, just like we used to?" He asks and I can tell from his face that he really wants me to agree.

"Yes," I reply slowly pulling my shirt down and checking my hair because as I've said before if this is to work we both have to put in the effort. And maybe some would call me stupid but we've come through enough together to show our love is strong and is worth fighting for. So as Blaine offers me his hand, I take it, hoping we can start the process of rebuilding our lives together.