Kurt’s POV

After all the stress of yesterday, it seems strange sitting in the living room at 8pm, in a quiet house. Having finally managing to convince my dad and Carole that just because the children and I are here doesn't mean they need to miss their date nights; I managed to get both the children to sleep at a decent time. However, it does feel strange not doing anything. The conditions of my dad and Carole agreeing to go out to enjoy themselves meant me trying to relax. Along with being banned from working for the evening. And honestly, I'm not used to it. I mean for the past 6 months, I've been used to coming home, sorting out the children, getting the children to bed, and then working until I've been close to dropping. And when you have got yourself into a routine like that, trying to do anything different seems wrong.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do with myself. My dad also probably didn't think about the fact me trying to relax without work would actually mean my mind being occupied and stressed with the events of the past 6 months, and of course Blaine and his promise to be in Lima in a few days. Granted my dad still doesn't know about the emails. I know how long it's taken Blaine to tell me and I don't want to tell my dad if it's something Blaine wants kept secret. If that’s the case, I will accept that. And to both my father and Carole’s credit, they haven’t asked me what’s going on. They know it’s something I need to deal with on my own for a while. I know that if I was working I would at least be in my own little world and not worrying about all of this.  Because all this thinking is kind of proving my point that I'm not actually relaxing.

I decide that really even though my dad told me not to work and to relax instead, that I'm not actually doing that. At least if I do work on some designs, I will feel semi relaxed. I have always loved designing. People always comment on how lost I can get while I’m designing. Especially in the office, people have to really battle to get my attention. I stand and turn to walk towards the study and freeze. I feel unable to speak or move.

"Kurt" is all he says. I can only gather he let himself in using the spare key. He knows well enough where it’s always hidden. I can see everything that's happened over these past few months reflected in his body. The way he's standing, the way he refuses to meet my eyes and the sheer look of exhaustion written on his face. I shouldn't feel sorry for him. Its all stuff he’s made me go through these past six months. But he's my husband, and I can't help it. And even if he won’t meet my eyes I can't help but notice that look in his.  The one asking "am I really unlovable?" And I know why its there. "You'll never be good enough or worthy enough to be loved by anyone" was a common sentence, in the emails from his father. And I can't stand to see it there. Because no matter what he's put me through, he doesn't deserve that. Considering the way he's been brought up, on the whole Blaine is an amazing man. And I don't know how long I've been standing here but I can't help myself any longer.

"Blaine" is all I reply back, but at the same time I open up my arms in invitation to him. Right now I know he needs someone to hold him close. Someone to help him realize that not everyone believes what his father does. Which is hard with Blaine, as for some reason, no matter how badly his father has treated him over the years, Blaine has always believed people should respect their parents.

I see the internal battle he has with himself. After all this time, I can tell he believes that he doesn't deserve to take comfort in my arms. And many people might agree with him for what he's put me through, but at the same time, it's just what he needs after dealing with this alone for so long. He needs someone to share the weight. And in the end the battle for comfort must win over, because he's throwing himself at me with such force that as he makes contact with my body I struggle to keep us both upright.

I wait a second before closing my arms around him knowing that that will be the point when he breaks. When he finally feels safe contained in my arms once again. That's when all the walls will crumble. And I'm correct. The second my arms close tightly around him, I feel his whole body shake. And he starts sobbing with uncontrollable force.

I manoeuvre us back to the couch and sit us down. Blaine has such a grip on me that I'm forced to position him on my lap. The shoulder of my shirt is drenched already but I have Blaine in my arms. And even if I wanted to, I can’t deny how right it feels to have him back here. It may not be in exactly the way I want, but I know this is a step in the right direction. Blaine being here, and especially allowing himself to take my comfort, shows he is willing to fully open up to me again.

So many people would think I'm crazy right now for giving comfort to the person who has put me through hell for half a year. To be showing the person who made me feel so unloved that he's loved. But that's exactly what I'm doing. No matter how much I want to scream at him right now. No matter how much I want to make him feel all the pain he put me through, to scream at him. To ask him why he’s done all this, why he couldn’t just open up to me at the start. But I can't. I know it won't help and I can't do it to him.

I know what Blaine needs is comfort. He needs me to help him rid his mind of those voices telling him he's nothing. "You've always been nothing. You mean nothing to anyone." Telling him he doesn't deserve to be loved. "Who would love someone that's as messed up as you? You don't deserve love." Telling him he doesn't deserve to be alive just because of who he is and who he loves. "People like you don't deserve to live. It's a shame those boys back in high school didn't finish the job." I know that if I open him up to my pain right now that I will only cement those fears. And that won't solve the problems of the past 6 months. No, right now Blaine needs to feel loved. And then some time soon, maybe tomorrow or maybe in a few days, we will start to talk this through. So I just continue to hold him close, showing him that I'm here for him.

After a while he tries to speak through his sobs "S...s...so...sorry. Kurt, I...I'm so s...sorry."

"Shhh," I comfort, bringing my hand up to stroke gently through his hair, hoping it will have the calming effect on him it normally does.

 "We’ll sort it all out, but right now you just need to let it all go." And I feel him shudder against me again. And I know he's taken my words as full invitation to just let it all go for now. I know my husband and I know it's just what he needs.

"That’s it. It'll all work out in the end," I reassure. And I don't know if I’m saying it for his benefit or mine.

As much as I want things to be okay, I know it won't necessarily be the case. I know there is still a chance this relationship won't work anymore. No matter why he did it, Blaine hurt me more than anyone else ever has. He broke the promise we made to each other by closing in and refusing to be honest. He caused me and our children to leave our house. So I might be able to comfort him now, but I know he's got a long way to go to show me that he wants to continue in this marriage. I'm willing to give him time, but I know I can never be made to feel like this again. At the same time, I love the man curled up in my arms and I'm willing to fight for the relationship.

I feel Blaine shift under me moving to the side so he isn't quite on top of my lap but next to it instead, clearly trying to get more comfortable.

"Um um um um," I feel more than hear muffled into my chest from where Blaine's head is still positioned.

"Blaine, even after all these years, I can't understand what you're saying when you talk into my chest," I admit gently.

He turns his head to the side before continuing, and I allow myself to keep carding my fingers through it, glad that he's calming down. I hate seeing him upset. I'll always be there when he is but it physically hurts me to see.

"Do you hate me?" he questions. If I wasn't expecting him to speak, I wouldn’t have heard him. And my heart clenches again, because no matter what, I could never hate him. Even after he cheated on me, I was angry with him, but I could never hate him.

I place my fingers under his chin and lift up gently, with enough force to put my point across but lightly enough that he can remain still if he wishes. I keep going until I'm looking directly into his eyes and I can see the insecurity there. I know I have to tell him exactly how I'm feeling not just partly.

"Blaine, I could never hate you." And I see the tears shine in his eyes as I say it, but continue anyway. "Honestly, I'm hurting a lot at the moment, but no matter what, I couldn't hate you. I love you too much." And it's the truth. I know I could have just told him I didn't hate him, but I know that right now he needs to hear things as they are.

"I love you too," he confirms. And it's my turn for tears to shine in my eyes. I can't help but let a few of them fall, because it's been too long since I last heard those words. I know that it doesn't solve everything but I know it's a promise that we will try and fix this.