Dec. 5, 2011, 6:55 a.m.
Trapped inside of my mind: I'm gonna use you and abuse you
E - Words: 1,717 - Last Updated: Dec 05, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Oct 19, 2011 - Updated: Dec 05, 2011 225 0 2 0 0
Knowing this, a person can only just imagine how clueless Blaine felt about these new feelings that arose inside of him. Whenever he thought about Kurt, his stomach seemed to be flipping around in excitement, and he felt himself crawling all over. He couldn’t connect it to anything in particular, because really, Kurt appeared in his daydreams quite often, along with other things. And it annoyed him quite much, because when he daydreamed, he couldn’t concentrate fully on his work; and he wanted to do his best, because he didn’t want to disappoint Ms. Churchwille.
His life turned into something really confusing, and he hated himself for that. He liked when things were sorted out.
It was only a week after when he realized that his reactions were triggered by Kurt.
That day, Kurt walked into the library as usual, placing the book gently onto one of the tables, scattered around the room. Then he looked up, right into Blaine’s eyes, and nodded a little.
When their eyes met, Blaine lost in them immediately. They were nothing quite like anything else: when he tried to explain it to his friend the other day, he just wasn’t capable of doing it, to put it simply. He also felt butterflies rambling around in his stomach. From that on, Blaine knew that his reactions are in connection with Kurt’s appearing.
Blaine stood up, and walked over to Kurt, not caring about his co-worker’s calls.
“Hi!” he greeted the man (because really, no matter how much of a child Kurt seemed to be, the little wrinkles on his otherwise flawless face sort of gave it away), sounding a little more cheery as he felt. “How are you today?”
Kurt stared at him. Blaine couldn’t help, but to chuckle a bit at Kurt’s surprised, almost shocked expression. A good minute later Kurt opened his mouth, and 30 second later he spoke for the first time.
“I’m fine. And you?”
Now it was Blaine’s time to feel surprised. He’s never heard Kurt speaking before to anybody: he just looked, stared and nodded, but he did that rarely. Considering his singing, Blaine could only assume how beautiful his normal voice can be, but he really couldn’t prepare himself to the gorgeousness of it. He’d never heard anything sort of like it: he couldn’t compare it to anything, other than the sound of a harp.
“Feeling good,” he replied, after he woke up from his musings. He beamed a shaky smile to Kurt, and leaned against a shelf. “So! Do you want me to help you to pick out a book?”
Kurt shook his head. Blaine noticed that his curls flew around easily: he thought Kurt must’ve washed them. A fruity smell hit him, after Kurt stopped; Blaine decided that he liked it.
“I’m an expert at recommending books, you know,” Blaine still pushed on, because he didn’t want their conversation to end there. “I’m sure I can find a suitable book for you, which you’d really like.”
Kurt shook his head. “I know what I want,” he said.
“Oh,” Blaine replied, looking a little sad. “Okay then.”
“But thank you for your help,” Kurt said, rushing the words out, as he backed away from him. He cast one last look at Blaine, and disappeared behind a shelf.
Blaine stared after him, mesmerized by the fact that Kurt spoke. His speaking voice was incredible, like nothing else Blaine’s ever imagined. He leant against the shelf, and looked at the corner, behind which Kurt disappeared, and he couldn’t stop replaying his sentences in his head… A little dreamy smile played on his lips, as Blaine turned around, and walked back toward the table he shared with the other librarian.
“Wow! Holy cow! That was surprising!” The man shouted. Blaine wanted to tape his mouth shut, because he was afraid Kurt’d hear… And considering the exceptional acoustics, the man could hear every single word that his stupid colleague was shouting. “I’m impressed! You got him to speak! What’s your magic, hobbit?”
“First of all,” Blaine replied, as he shot an infuriated glance at the man. “Stop shouting. Second of all, I did nothing. I just tried to behave nicely towards him. That’s my ‘magic’.”
“So, the next thing you gonna do is getting into his nice little ass?” The man joked, and started laughing unattractively. “Rumour says she’s pretty good at sucking.”
“He’s not a she,” Blaine murmured, and tried to stop himself from saying anything else. Instead, he kept cursing internally.
“They say, the guy who’s bottoming is always a she, so–“
“Would you please SHUT UP?!” Blaine shouted, and slammed his fists against the table. The man next to him jumped up a little.
“Okay, okay, big boy, no need to be so angry… I was just joking,” he said, sounding offended by Blaine railing against him. “No big deal.”
“I wish I could punch you right now,” Blaine hissed, and grabbed the man’s collar. He pulled him a bit upwards from the chair. “You have no idea what you’ve just done, right? You brainless piece of shit.” With that, he tossed the man back onto his chair, and stormed off.
He returned to their change room, to cool off a bit. Next to the door, placed onto the wall, there was a sheet, with a paper of who wanted to be with whom during shifts. Blaine checked the person, and erased his name from their future shift, replacing the name with some other person. After that, he walked out, and stopped at the end of a shelf.
Kurt was standing at the opened doors, looking a bit sad, as he held up a book and examined its cover. He looked up, and his eyes met with Blaine’s.
Piercing, blazing blue eyes met with soft, sad hazel ones. Emotions ran back and forth, as angry tears pooled up in Kurt’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” Blaine mouthed towards him. Kurt reached up, wiped his eyes with his index finger, and nodded a little. Then he turned around and dashed off, leaving a heartbroken Blaine behind.
Blaine couldn’t even bother with going back to that asshole he left there, at their table. He, instead, walked to one of the stairs, leading up to the first floor of the library – it was, in fact, a large one that the whole town used.
He walked to the furthest end of the room, and after he found a really hidden place, he took a book down from a shelf, sat down and started reading.
Time flew by. Soon clouds arrived and not long after that, it started raining. The soothing sound of the raindrops hitting against the window calmed Blaine down. If he has had a pillow and a blanket with himself, he could’ve fallen asleep right there and then: it wasn’t that the book was boring, just the rain always made him feel sleepy.
So maybe that’s why he heard the soft footsteps so late, that he only noticed the person, when he was standing in front of him.
And when he looked up, he forgot where he was in his book.
Kurt was standing in front of him. He was soaking wet, he was shivering from the coldness so violently that Blaine could hear his teeth clinking together. He held out his hand, in which he was holding a little blue flower.
“This is for you,” he mumbled, his perfect voice shivering as much as his whole body did.
Blaine couldn’t even react at first. Then he smiled, took the flower and lifted it to his nose, even though he knew it had no scent.
“Thank you,” he said. “It’s really beautiful.”
He looked up to Kurt, and smiled again, this time with his teeth showing. Kurt nodded, his face staying expressionless, turned around and walked away. He left wet footprints on the floor.
Blaine smiled again, and twirled the flower between his fingers. It was a really simple flower, Blaine didn’t even know what kind, but he didn’t care: the gesture spoke for itself, and that was what mattered to him. He took out his little calendar from his pocket, put the wet flower into it, and closed the book carefully.
He had another night shift. He walked around the corridors, sent some wandering, really lost people back to their places; around midnight, he stopped at one place and sat down to take a little break.
He then heard a window opening. Blaine sat up, focusing on the sounds.
“This is for that person who’s listening to me right now,” somebody said, and Blaine could tell by his voice that it was Kurt. He smiled. “I know you’re out there, listening. So here’s a little song about me.”
And, without any stop, he started singing.
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
The song sent shivers up and down Blaine’s spine. It had a really weird lyric, and Blaine couldn’t help himself, but to imagine Kurt, getting hit several times before and during a sexual act. He felt himself choking, when he felt a lump forming in his throat; he felt nauseous.
Kurt repeated the verse one more time.
I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what’s inside you
He whispered the next line: Hold your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Movin’ on!
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
I’m gonna use you and abuse you
I’m gonna know what’s inside
Gonna use you and abuse you
I’m gonna know what’s inside you
Blaine stood up and ran to the nearest toilet. There, he leant above a basin, and threw up.
He kind of knew why Kurt’s gotten into an asylum.
Comments
so i'm pretty sure i'm in love with this story. i really like the story line and everything, very unique :)
Oh my God, thank you so much! X) I'm really glad you like it, I'm like... Oh God. (": Yey. :D