Sept. 24, 2012, 10:25 a.m.
Someone Else's Diary: The Park
M - Words: 1,535 - Last Updated: Sep 24, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 8/? - Created: Jul 04, 2012 - Updated: Sep 24, 2012 373 0 1 0 0
To say that I was furious was somewhat of an understatement. I had never been so embarrassed. It would have been bad enough if it had been anyone else that had walked in but the fact that it had been Kurt and that this was now his first impression of me...
It would take a long time for Sebastian to work his way out of the dog-box.
"Babe, it wasn't that bad," said Sebastian over the phone, trying his most winning voice. It wasn't working.
On a technicality it hadn't really been that bad. Finn came in long after I had pushed Sebastian away and Kurt didn't say anything to him so things between Finn and I were alright. The gesture on Kurt's part did nothing to quell my irrational crush on him, however. And it was only made worse by the fact that he was now standing in flesh and blood in front of me looking even more perfect than I could ever imagine him.
And that voice.
The worst thing was probably that this was how Kurt knew me now - as that short kid who made out with his boyfriend at work. That definitely wasn't me. I didn't mind showing affection to Sebastian in public, but I normally knew how to keep business away from personal issues. Sebastian was the complete opposite from me in that sense. He was the ultimate exhibitionist. He didn't give a damn where we were or who was watching and while I found it kind of exciting and different a lot of the time, it was times like these where I realised just how much it annoyed me.
"Bas, I know you didn't mean for it to be an embarrassing situation," I said, sitting down heavily on my bed and rubbing my eyebrows in frustration. "It's just that you know how I feel about mixing my professional time with my you time. I just really don't feel comfortable with it. And while I loved seeing you yesterday, I just wished you would have called and we could have gone out for coffee or something."
"That's all we ever do, though," said Sebastian angrily. "We've been together almost a year now, Blaine. Don't you think it would be nice for me to pay a surprise visit to my boyfriend at work? Or is it an issue because your boss doesn't actually know that you're gay?"
"That's... it's not... you can't just..."
To be honest, it was a valid point. I hadn't told Finn I was gay. And while with Kurt as his brother, I didn't think it would matter that much, a small part of me assumed that he would look at me differently. Like he wouldn't trust me with the cars as much as he did now. A lot of people in Lima didn't really mean to be homophobic, but often the small things they said or did could cut me deep.
And since Finn hadn't directly asked me about it, I didn't volunteer the information.
"Look, call me when you have your shit sorted, Blaine," said Sebastian, hanging up on me suddenly. I stared at my cell for a moment or two, unable to believe that I had called him because I was angry with him and he had hung up on me. I was livid.
I needed to get out of my room – to clear my head and stop being so frustrated. So, like I ended up doing nearly every night, I climbed out of my window and down the ivy growing along the side of it and I slipped quietly away from the house to make my way to the park.
It started when we moved into the new house and I found the diaries. Kurt often spoke about sneaking out to the park and when discovered one within walking distance of my home, I started doing the same. It was the only thing that seemed to really help nowadays. My dad didn't know, of course, and if he did know then he didn't really care. He had never tried to stop me.
I was about halfway to my usual swing when I suddenly realised there was someone sitting on it. Panic flooded my body and all I could think was that there was probably some creepy serial killer sitting in my park waiting to murder me. I tried to sneak back out of the park as quietly as I could, but it was too late. They had definitely seen me.
"Hello?" called the person on the swing and while the feeling of panic didn't leave me at the sound of their voice, it changed in nature. It was unmistakeably Kurt Hummel on the swing. "Hey, you don't have to leave just because I'm here."
I turned around, hardly daring to believe that this was happening. There was no way that this could be his park too. Things like that just didn't happen in real life. Everything about this seemed to be out of some cheesy '80s blockbuster and I wasn't sure if I trusted it or not.
But it was Kurt, so I decided to ignore my misgivings.
"H-hi," I said nervously as I walked back towards the swing-set. His skin, while completely unfairly smooth, was quite pale – something that became even more apparent in the moonlight. He actually seemed to glow a little as I got closer to him.
"Oh, it's you," he said with a smile. "I didn't recognise you out of the coveralls. Blaine, I think Finn said your name was?"
"Yeah," I replied, shuddering slightly at the fact that he remembered my name. "You're Kurt, right?"
"Pretty much my whole life," he said with a sly grin. "Sorry, I don't mean to intrude if this is your usual alone-time hangout. I know because I don't live here anymore I'm kind of invading. It's just that this used to be my favourite hangout. At night, with no one around, I could just be myself and I had a chance to think things over. I guess it figures it would be someone else's too."
I had never thought about it, but Kurt had often written about his park and since he had once lived in the house I now lived in, it made total sense that this was the park he was speaking about. Funny that I got the idea from his diaries, but I never really gave enough thought to the idea to put two and two together.
I didn't really know what to say to that, so instead I sat down on the swing next to his and nodded to show that I understood what he was talking about.
"I'm finding it incredible how quickly old thought patterns come back when you're in a familiar place. When I was younger I would come here almost every other night and think the same thing I'm thinking tonight."
"And what was that, if it's alright that I ask?" I said, my voice hoarse from nervousness.
"How I would give anything to be seven again," Kurt replied, smiling humourlessly at a patch of nearby grass. I allowed myself to have my breath momentarily taken away by just how beautiful he looked with his eyes slightly sparkling in the dim light. He looked like a masterpiece and a tragedy at the same time.
He looked up at me and I gave him a slightly puzzled expression.
"It's just that life was so easy back then," he elaborated. "I had never really known any kind of pain. The most I had to worry about was if my teddies would enjoy their imaginary tea . Don't judge - you probably played embarrassing childhood games too."
He shot me an amused warning-look and I raised my hands to show him I meant no judgement. He smiled.
"I don't know, I guess just being back here and especially with everything else that's gone on in the past while... I just feel that way again."
I was silent for a while thinking about what he had said. Even though I practically knew his diaries off by heart, it was amazing to realise that I didn't actually know everything about him. In fact, it had been ten years since his last entry. I probably didn't know anything about him.
"What's up?" Kurt asked, cocking his head curiously to the side. "Anything you want to talk about? If you're comfortable sharing, I don't mind listening."
"Just... just that I know how you feel about wanting to be seven again," I said, scuffing my foot along the concrete underneath the slide before standing up. "I should probably go. No one knows I'm here."
"Do you want me to walk you home?" asked Kurt politely.
"No thanks," I replied with a smile, even though there was nothing I wanted more.
"Okay then," said Kurt returning it. I wondered how he did that because from what I had gathered he was going through something huge. How did he still manage to genuinely smile like that? "It was nice meeting you, Blaine."
"You too, Kurt," I said. Finally, I thought to myself.
"Say hi to the boyfriend for me!" he yelled as I walked away and despite the furious blush that flooded my face, I couldn't help but turn back and smile.
Kurt was everything I hoped he'd be.