Chapter 6

Kurt just stared at the phone. He didn't know what to do. He was vaguely aware of the taxi driver pressing him for an answer as to where he was supposed to be driving. Kurt quickly mumbled the name of the studios he worked at; his eyes never leaving the phone. Kurt nearly jumped out of his skin when the phone vibrated. It was Blaine. Kurt quickly pushed the "ignore" button, without thinking it through. There was a pause before the phone vibrated once more. This time it was a text message. Kurt tentatively went to read the message. What harm could it do, a simple text wouldn't break his resolve.

From: Blaine

I don't know what to say. All I saw was the pain he was causing you, I tried to help and make it go away. I acted without thinking and all I did was make it worse. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I am a better than that, please just one more chance.

Kurt sighed at the text. It was all chances with Blaine. He'd already had his second chance. I'm worth more than this. Kurt thought to himself. Kurt ignored the text. He could ignore Blaine; that would be it. He'd given Blaine a chance he had gone along with Blaine's plans. It had been amazing but it was time to get back to the real world. Blaine would never be right with Kurt. The scars were still there from five years ago. This wasn't for him.

The taxi drove into the complex that Kurt worked at. Kurt checked his watch; he was very early even for him. But he couldn't really go anywhere else. Waiting at his hotel room would be a lot worse.

Kurt paid the driver and left the taxi. He made his way up to the stage door. He then noticed Trixie coming in from the other direction.

"Hey Ladyboy! You're early," she didn't say it in a particularly mean way; it was too early for Trixie to begin the jibes. However, Kurt still felt uneasy at the names he got called.

He turned towards her. "Yes, I err… wanted to get here early. I've got a lot on my mind, if you must know, I need a distraction." Kurt told her the truth immediately. There was little point keeping things from Trixie as she would find out the answer eventually, and Kurt was always polite to her as he simply didn't want to give her another reason to hate him. He was always trying to be nice to her, but it was all to no avail.

"Oh! Wouldn't have anything to do with that boy I met last night would it?"

"Who? What did he say?" Kurt's words burst from his lips before he could stop them.

Trixie raised her eyebrows at him as if to say so you do know who I'm talking about. However, she kept her voice professional. "Just some guy, maybe a fan of yours he was looking for you. Anyway if you see him again please tell him I mean to strike him down."

Trixie's words did exactly what she had hoped as she noticed Kurt following after her as she made her way through the stage door and into her dressing room.

"What did he say, Trixie? Please tell me!"

"See, I'm just not sure about that Kurt. You took my part, why should I help you. That part isn't even right for you! Though extremely borderline, I'm guessing you are actually a man. That is a woman's part." Trixie couldn't help the bitterness entering her voice. They had gone over this many times but it still stung.

"I'm not going to apologise for getting that part. I won it fair and square. But I'm sorry if it upset you. Please can you just tell me what he said, I'm stuck at a really difficult decision and I know we don't really get on but for once can you help me out?"

Trixie looked at Kurt. "I will tell you that he was looking for you. He also mentioned that you were a lot more talented than me. He is obviously both deaf and blind. I didn't get a name. That is it. Now please leave me alone, I have rehearsals to prepare for." Trixie spoke in quick clipped sentences; she let out very little, if any, emotion. When she was done Kurt merely nodded as by way of thanks and left her to get ready.

Blaine sat in his flat. He was alone, in so many ways. He was still coming to terms with how he totally blew it with Kurt. How could he be so stupid? What if Kurt never came back? The worst part was simply the fact that he couldn't go after Kurt again, now. Kurt had given him his chance, he had blown it. What ever happened next had to come from Kurt. And if Kurt never came back Blaine would have to understand that Kurt didn't want to know him anymore.

After seeing Kurt in Paris when he was so upset Blaine had thought that there was no pain that could compare to that. This, however, was so much worse. Worse because Blaine had been the one to drive Kurt away for a second time, worse because there had been so much hope but most of all worse because, for a tiny second, a flash of fear had come across Kurt's face that Blaine had only seen when Karofsky's bulling was at its worst point. Blaine couldn't believe that he had been just as bad.

Blaine's phone vibrated. He jumped at the sound and quickly ran over, desperate for news of Kurt. It wasn't Kurt. It was Jayden.

From: Jayden

I'm sorry, I didn't think.

That was it. Jayden had quite possibly ruined the last hope Blaine had had of being friend with Kurt and all he could say was he was sorry? Blaine very nearly hurled the phone at his bedroom wall. But he stopped himself and instead leaned his back against it before sliding to the floor. None of this would help now. It was violence that had driven Kurt away; more violence wasn't going to bring him back.

Kurt couldn't concentrate in rehearsals. Trixie's words were still ringing in his hears. Blaine had stood up for him in front of Trixie. No-one had ever done that for him before. Everyone usually sided with her even if they didn't agree with her sentiments. Trixie was the glamorous star and Kurt was practically a cross-dresser, well in their eyes anyway. (To Kurt it was just a part. A part he had always wanted to play.)

For Kurt it meant a lot to him. Blaine used to stand up for him before. He could remember many a time of raised voices and angry words being shared between Blaine and his old bully, Karofsky. Kurt didn't know what to think. Blaine punched a man in the face, granted he probably deserved it in hindsight, but even so it was so… so not Blaine. Yet Blaine had also stood up to his main tormentor on his behalf, and that reminded Kurt of the kind gentle boy who used to be the love of his life.

"Kurt! Can you please concentrate! You are extremely lucky to have this part, so please at least pretend you care!"

Kurt jumped out of his thoughts at the words of one of his fellow cast members. He looked around and spotted it was, Marco, he played Fiyero. They had never got on well since Kurt rejected his offer of dinner. That was the first week of rehearsals; Kurt just hadn't been ready to date; to be honest with himself he had never been ready to date since he broke up with Blaine. Marco was just not what Kurt wanted at that point. Marco had taken it completely the wrong way, and the situation did not improve when Kurt got the part of Elphaba. Kissing on stage with the guy who rejected you couldn't have been easy for Marco, but he made dam sure Kurt would be the one to suffer for it.

Marco soon started to make things a lot harder for Kurt. He dated Trixie but then started flirting with Kurt in rehearsals. This, of course, made Trixie even more jealous than she had already been and the jibes that were thrown at Kurt soon turned into an endless stream of verbal abuse. When Marco and Trixie split up, Trixie blamed Kurt and the relationship between Kurt and Trixie became irreparable. Trixie was not someone whose bad books you wanted to get into and, partially thanks to Marco, Kurt was most likely written in bold on the first page.

Kurt tried to focus on the rehearsal; though really he was just going through the motions of his part. This only caused more insults from the rest of the cast. By the time the rehearsal was over Kurt was close to tears.

Kurt left the rehearsal, and headed out towards his hotel. He needed to talk to Mercedes.

Blaine had been sitting with his back against the wall for two hours before he realised he was crying. Why did things always have to turn out so bad for him and Kurt? To him they were so perfect together but it would seem fate and his own stupidity had ganged up on him.

Every sound and shout from outside had him pricking up his hears, desperately hoping it was Kurt. Kurt didn't come. The light outside was slowly fading. Though it was less than 24 hours since Kurt and Blaine had been talking in that restaurant, it felt like weeks to Blaine. Blaine walked over to his bed. He curled up on the sheets. It smelled like Kurt. There was a small amount of blood on the pillow but Blaine didn't care. All he wanted was for Kurt to be here with him. Blaine cried himself to sleep.

It was twilight when Kurt made it back to his hotel. Though late, if he called Mercedes now it wouldn't be so late that it would wake her up.

The phone rang three times before Kurt heard the voice of his diva best friend.

"Kurt! OhMyGod! Why didn't you call sooner? What happened with Blaine?"

Kurt had totally forgotten his promise to call her, to be fair to himself he did have an excuse. He had been unconscious.

"It's a long story Mercedes so if you're in the middle of something you might want to finish off and call me back."

There was a pause, before Mercedes answered.

"No, I'm not busy. Come on Kurt spill, you're worrying me. Do I have to cut a bitch?"

Kurt gave a small smile and raised his eyebrows before realising Mercedes couldn't see him. He was far too used to his web cam! "No more than usual." His weak attempt at a joke didn't convince Mercedes.

As if reading Kurt's mind Mercedes asked if this might be better said face to face (or monitor to monitor as this was as close as they could get). Kurt agreed and switched on his laptop. Mercedes was already online when he logged into Skype. He had just logged on when he got her video call.

Seeing Mercedes was such a relief to Kurt. They were on the same page, she knew what had happened between Kurt and Blaine but most importantly she wouldn't judge him if he'd made a mistake.

Kurt explained everything to Mercedes. From the talk they had in the restaurant, to the attack from Jayden, to the conversation Kurt had had with Trixie. Mercedes didn't interrupt him except to gasp at some of Blaine's actions, have a small bitch-rant at Jayden and murmur "slag" under her breath at the mention of Trixie.

When Kurt looked up at Mercedes, as he had spent a lot of his speech embarrassed and had kept his eyes down, she looked very thoughtful. Kurt had expected her to agree with Kurt on the point of ignoring Blaine but Mercedes decided that she could only give Kurt advice that she truly believed would be to his benefit.

"Listen Kurt… you might think ignoring Blaine will help matters, but I can't help but think that it will just leave uncertainty and bitterness for both of you. Maybe Blaine does deserve a little more than total silence even if he isn't worthy of you, boo. You should tell him you thoughts first thing tomorrow then all will be said and done and you can go back to your life. And by life I mean, plotting ways of sorting out Trixie and the rest of your idiot cast members."

Kurt sighed.

"But is that really to be my life Mercedes! It seems for the past year my life has basically consisted of just that and nothing else! When will I get to enjoy myself again?" Kurt shook as he tried to hold back tears. He had always sort of known but when you put your life as bluntly as that it can come as quite a shock.

"Aw, boo! Cheer up! Things will get better just you wait! Your happiness could be right around the corner. Though I still think you should give it a chance by quitting that God-awful stage show, but I know you won't hear of it!"

Kurt gave her a small smile, "Thanks 'Cedes! You really are amazing, you know that, right?"

"Oh trust me I know! I love you too, boo! Talk soon! I feel like I hardly speak to you!"

"I'll tell you how it goes tomorrow! Love you!"

The call ended and Kurt shut down his computer as quickly as possible. He got changed and did his facial routine as quickly as possible. Kurt then dashed into his bed where he couldn't hold it in any longer. Kurt cried into his pillow. He hadn't cried like that since he broke up with Blaine five years ago. The force of the sobs shook his entire frame. The realisation had hit him like a train, Kurt was miserable.

Blaine woke up the next morning aching all over. He must have slept funny, but somehow he couldn't bring to care. Blaine just felt too many emotions that it was impossible to concentrate on everyday tasks. All he could think about was Kurt, who still hadn't called him Blaine thought to himself as he checked his phone. Blaine needed something to express himself. He needed an outlet for all his feelings toward Kurt. Blaine got off his bed, barely noticing the shot of pain from his muscles as he did so, and picked up his guitar.

He had the perfect song.

Kurt dragged himself out of his bed and went to the bathroom. He promptly vomited straight into the toilet there. Last night's crying session had totally messed up his stomach muscles. Kurt washed his mouth out and headed for the shower. It didn't matter what the situation he was in, life was hopeless if he couldn't even take a shower in the morning. So Kurt unwillingly switched on the shower and headed in to get washed.

Today was the day he was going to see Blaine, he would end this pointless endeavour towards friendship. It was time they accepted that after what had happened friendship just was never going to be an option.

Kurt got dressed into his most basic clothes, they were still pretty stylish by most people's standards but to Kurt these were worse than a pyjama day. Kurt left the hotel with a surprised look from Nina, the receptionist, who was used to Kurt's usual flamboyance.

Kurt wasn't really sure of the way to Blaine's apartment so he had to keep asking people for directions. Each time he dreaded them figuring out what he was about to do even though that was pretty much impossible since they'd never met him before. Kurt felt like a criminal on the run. He wasn't sure why.

Kurt slowly headed up the stairs; he tried to make as little noise as possible. As he went up his mind was running at a mile a minute. Part of himself was begging him to reconsider and go back to the hotel, another part was begging him to go right up to Blaine and kiss him and they rest of him just seemed to want to be able to forgive Blaine. Kurt was fed up, it seemed like everyone, even himself, was against him doing what was right.

Kurt spotted the door to Blaine's apartment, he slowed down his pace even more; careful not to make a sound. He was about to knock on the door when he heard Blaine call his name. At first he thought Blaine had heard him, but then he realised Blaine was speaking to himself, or at least in the knowledge that Kurt wasn't around.

"Kurt," Blaine murmured "I wish you were here to hear this, I wish you could forgive me because I love you so much. The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you. This song is for you, Kurt."

Kurt took a sharp intake of breath. He was going to hear Blaine sing. Blaine was going to sing for him! Kurt couldn't help but feel a little excited at the prospect. He hadn't heard Blaine sing in years!

Kurt could hear the sound of hollow wood knock against something. Blaine was picking up his guitar!

Kurt sighed at he heard the first few chords of the song.

I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

Blaine's voice was so melancholy. Kurt couldn't help but want to put his arms around the curly haired boy, because right now that was what he was to Kurt, a boy who Kurt had loved with all his heart. Kurt was mesmerised all hope of entering the room was gone.

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I'll feel my world crumbling,
and I'll I feel my life crumbling
and feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away,
falling away with you

Kurt was swooning by now! As much as hated what Blaine had done to him, and though the bitterness was still there this was the beautiful boy he'd loved telling him he still loved him.

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

Blaine was acknowledging all his mistakes through song. Kurt felt as though Blaine was slowly patching him up again; making him whole again. Kurt had tears in his eyes, for five years he had been waiting for this moment.

and I feel my world crumbling,
and I feel my life crumbling down,
I can feel my soul crumbling away,
and falling away,
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find

Kurt was crying by now, his sobs from the night before had taken over, but now they were mixed with something new. Something Kurt had only felt once before. Love.