When all is said and done
Chapter 22
“Hey Kurt,” Blaine called Kurt over. Blaine spotted Kurt from a few feet away but he had had his back turned away from Blaine.
Kurt sighed, he was dreading telling Blaine the news. It wasn’t just that he knew that Blaine would be upset; it was how it would change his outlook. Until now Blaine hadn’t known, neither he had, they had been acting as if they had had time to spare. Whatever Blaine said he knew that the new revelation would change things between them; it would be a constant reminder to Kurt of the little time he had left. Kurt wanted it back to the way it was. But he knew he couldn’t. Lying to Blaine wouldn’t be right. Kurt knew Blaine deserved better; he knew he would have to tell him. “Listen, Blaine. I have something really important I need to tell you, but first let me just say that the past few weeks with you have been really great. I even think they might have been the best weeks of my life. But that doesn’t change the agreement we made, and I have to tell you that…”
“Kurt, I know,” Blaine interrupted.
Kurt reeled back in shock how did Blaine find out he thought to himself. “What do you mean? Are you sure you’re thinking about the same thing that I’m thinking about?” Kurt asked, bewildered.
“Well, unless you have something important to say other than that you’re moving to New York early then yes. Is there something else?” Blaine asked biting his lip.
“No, of course not, what else would there be?” Kurt asked innocently, but a slight tenseness seeped into his voice along with pain of past hurt.
“Kurt, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you,” Blaine cradled Kurt’s head in his hands and forced the countertenor to look into his eyes before whispering “I know you” once more as if to convey more meaning.
There was a delicate pause before the two of them broke apart, “How did you find out?” Kurt asked.
“Jayden told me, said he’d heard it from Trixie. Actually, if I’m completely honest with you, Kurt, I don’t think his intentions are completely as they seem. It was almost as if…” Blaine trailed off, unwilling to say more for fear of upsetting Kurt.
“I won’t be mad,” Kurt murmured, “why should we care what he wishes to insinuate about our relationship?”
Blaine sighed, “it was almost as though he was trying to insinuate that you were keeping it from me. I know that isn’t true, Kurt. He tried to get me to open up to him about our relationship. Of course, I refused. Let’s just say I doubt we’ll be meeting up for a friendly chat any time soon but I think you should watch out for Trixie. By the very fact that they proclaim to be a couple tells us that they’re in this thing together. You haven’t told her anything, have you? I’m sure we’ll sort it if you have,” Blaine didn’t want to upset Kurt.
Kurt slowly shook his head, “no, I didn’t tell her anything she could use. I told her some meaningless stuff about how we met but not in detail. She has nothing on us don’t worry.”
Blaine nodded, “What about Marco?”
Kurt shrugged, “Honestly, I doubt he has anything to do with it. I’ve barely seen him outside the performances. I hear talk he’s met up with some London boy and is spending all his time with him. I’m kind of glad if he’s found love though I’d hate to see what he would be like once we leave. I don’t think he would take a break-up well and he can have an awful temper,” Kurt shuddered in remembrance of a time when the full force of it was directed at him.
“If he ever gives you any trouble, and I don’t care how far away you are, if he so much as looks at you in the wrong way again you tell me because I will always be there for you no matter how many miles there are between us,” Blaine looked into Kurt’s eyes to show he was being serious. Kurt gave him a smile but it was small and noncommittal.
“Err, Blaine, we’ve been standing outside for ages. Do you think it might be a good idea to go get something to eat now?” Kurt asked, slowly diffusing the tension that had built up throughout the past conversation.
Blaine paused before smiling, making sure it would be genuine; Blaine didn’t want to lie to Kurt even with his facial expressions, “Yeah, you’re right, I am pretty hungry. Shall we go in?” Blaine offered Kurt his arm which Kurt took despite mumbling something along the lines of “too dapper for his own good” but Blaine couldn’t quite make it out.
The restaurant was quite a quiet one there weren’t many people there and the few who were there were way too absorbed in their own conversations to notice Kurt and Blaine. Kurt didn’t eat much but that was little to go on Kurt never seemed to eat much. Kurt always said he had to watch his figure People in showbiz don’t just magically stay thin, Blaine he had said when Blaine had brought it up. Blaine didn’t like Kurt was pressured into eating differently. Kurt always looked amazing why should he have to eat so little?! He had, however, had to learn to let it go as he knew there was little he could do. Kurt was still so stubborn. Blaine could only hope he was so stubborn he would relinquish his own happiness to spite the others in his stage company. No, spite was the wrong word; Kurt would be showing them that they couldn’t touch him. Blaine guessed he could sort of understand Kurt up to a point but he didn’t think Kurt should stay where he was obviously unhappy. Blaine just wished there was more he could do. Blaine had no such worries about what he ate, if he was happy why should it be anyone else’s business what he looked like?!
They ate the meal in relative silence; both liking how they were so close that they didn’t feel the need to fill every minute with pointless conversation. They shared smiles over their glasses and the odd comment was tossed between them, but other than that they were merely content with the other’s presence. The end of the meal was followed by a slight argument over who pays the bill with Kurt winning out in the end and Blaine muttering about how next time it would definitely be his turn.
Though they had shared dinner together many times it never grew old for them. Kurt loved being with Blaine and eating with Blaine everyday almost made him feel like they were in a more stable relationship than one so temporary.
They left hand in hand in hand out of the restaurant. Blaine tugged Kurt over the a bench on the bank of the Thames. Blaine carefully stoked Kurt’s perfectly placed hair. Kurt swatted his hand away.
“Hey you, you are not permitted to touch!” Kurt grinned, he didn’t get Blaine fascination with his hair; his hair wasn’t like Blaine’s. Blaine’s was all curly and inviting. When Kurt put his hand there it was all soft and puffy and it seemed to swallow his hand whole! His own hair was kind of boring by comparison, he felt, yes he made sure it was perfectly styled but it was hardly exciting. Maybe Blaine just saw something there that Kurt couldn’t.
“You’re so beautiful, Kurt,” Blaine sighed as he stoked Kurt’s cheek.
Kurt blushed, “Blaine we’ve already had our cheesy day! But I think you’re beautiful too!” Kurt giggled before his voice turned more serious and he slowly brushed a lock of Blaine’s hair behind his temporary boyfriend’s ear, “in fact, I think you’re the most beautiful man I have ever met; inside and out,” Kurt smiled gently. He wasn’t asking for the compliment to be returned he just wanted to say it.
“What did I ever do to deserve you,” Blaine sighed.
“Blaine, you do realise that I can’t stay with you, I have to keep going. I can’t just let them win. I want to go with you, really I do but I just can’t Blaine. It’s not about the past anymore it’s about the future; My future. I love you but I have to do what’s right; people look up to me as one who has broken the mould, people think that they can do the same. As cocky as I know it sounds I am inspiring people by being in this production. If I can bring that much reassurance to people I think it has to be worth my own happiness. I know you think you can change my opinion but I stick by what I said to you in the beginning. I will understand if you don’t want to see me anymore Blaine and I’m sorry if I have hurt you but I have done nothing but been completely honest with you,” Kurt had tears streaming down his face as he tried to read Blaine’s expression; he couldn’t.
“Kurt, don’t blame yourself. I would be lying if I said I haven’t been trying to convince you to stay with me because that would just make me so happy, Kurt. I love you and I always will; I don’t think there will ever be anyone else, Kurt, I only ever dated Jayden because he looked like you and when I realised how different you two were, how different everyone is compared to you, I have to break-up with him. I was stupid to believe he was like you because you are perfect and there is nobody who is like you in the slightest. There never will be. You are amazing and I am happy to call you mine for as long as you’ll have me. If you told me that was two weeks then in two weeks’ time I would leave but that wouldn’t stop me trying to convince you to stay with me during those two weeks. You can tell me to move on all you like but I know I will never find anyone else. I don’t want to make you feel guilty, Kurt, if you want to go to Broadway you do it and I’ll be happy for you. I don’t want you to stay with me for my sake I want it to be your choice. But, Kurt, please don’t completely disregard your own happiness, please chose carefully and know that whatever decision you make I will always be here for you,” Blaine held Kurt close to him and Kurt leaned into Blain; his head resting on Blaine’s shoulder.
I've been alone
Surrounded by darkness
I've seen how heartless
The world can be

I've seen you crying
You felt like it's hopeless
I'll always do my best
To make you see
Blaine stroked Kurt’s hair; for once Kurt didn’t stop him and Blaine made sure to be gentle enough not to ruin the style.

Baby, you're not alone
Cause you're here with me
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need to make it through

Now I know it ain't easy
But it ain't hard trying
Every time I see you smiling
And I feel you so close to me
And you tell me

Baby, you're not alone
Cause you're here with me
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need to make it through
Kurt started to mumble along with his boyfriend. They used to sing this song together, it was kind of their song. It fit so well to the situation at the time. Even though it had been five years and Kurt had never sung or heard the song since he hadn’t forgotten a single lyric. He was back in high school again singing in a deserted choir room; Kurt playing the piano or Blaine on the guitar. It didn’t matter which way round they could make it work whatever; it was the lyrics that held meaning.

I still have trouble
I trip and stumble
Trying to make sense of things sometimes
I look for reasons
But I don't need 'em
All I need is to look in your eyes
And I realize

Baby I'm not alone
Cause you're here with me
And nothing's ever gonna take us down
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need to make it through, ooh

Cause you're here with me
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down
Cause nothing, nothing, nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
You know our love is all we need
Our love is all we need to make it through
It was in that moment that the first wave of doubt hit Kurt’s resolve to go to Broadway.