They talked.

For over an hour – hashing out what exactly had happened, why they thought things played out the way they did, how they felt about those things in the moment, how they felt about them now, and how they thought the other one felt. 

There were tears…and hugs…and an occasional kiss. 

Blaine understood how much his actions had utterly destroyed Kurt.  Kurt understood how much his actions had left Blaine feeling empty and unwanted.  More than once. 

Until there was only one thing left to talk about.

The other men. 

Eli.

Adam.

They were sitting cross legged on the blanket, knees and foreheads touching.  Blaine held on to Kurt's hands tightly, as he spoke quietly.  “When Eli messaged me of Facebook, I was lonely.  The others, Sam, Tina, Artie – none of them had been in a long distance relationship and they weren't gay.  I…thought we could talk.  I went over to his house, and I swear to you, I never had the intention of hooking up with him.  We'd never even met.”

Blaine hesitated.  Despite knowing that Kurt was ready to hear it, Blaine found it was still nearly impossible admitting to what he'd done to cause this fracture in their relationship.  “We…we ended up going to his room to watch a movie and talk.  Just hanging out.  I turned to ask him something, and then we were kissing.  I didn't…I didn't shove him away. I didn't tell him I had an amazing boyfriend I was in love with.  I kissed him back.  I kiss him back because it felt good – like someone still found me attractive.  Some still cared.”

Kurt watched Blaine closely apprehension building.  As he retold the event of his cheating, Blaine had been trembling slightly but it was increasing in intensity along with his breathing rate. 

“B – listen to me.  You made a mistake.  A really big mistake.  And I forgive you.  You are going to learn from this.  I am going to learn from this.  Then we are never going to make the same mistake again, okay?  Just breathe for a minute,” he suggested, attempting to project an aura of calm.  He watched as Blaine surreptitiously swiped a tear from his cheek.  Kurt had to strain to hear as Blaine continued his story.

“We ended up lying down on his bed, shirts and pants off – and he.he…came while rubbing himself on me.  Then, before I could really process what was happening – he had my underwear off was…sucking me off.  And that's when it hit me.  It wasn't you.  I realized it wasn't you and I wanted it to be you and it wasn't.  And I couldn't…I couldn't stay…you know…hard.  He apologized and I told him we needed to stop.  I remember pulling my shirt back on and he asked if it was because he didn't look like his picture on Facebook.”     

“I was so disgusted with myself.  I'm still disgusted.  I threw up three times driving home and I just…just.”  Without warning, he shot to his feet and stalked away from Kurt, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides until he wrapped them tightly around himself.  Spinning around, he called out, “I knew, Kurt.  I knew at that moment that you're it for me.  You're all I want.  All I'll ever want.  And I had to see you.  I had to come clean, because the guilt was eating its way through me like acid.”  Tears escaped and ran down his face unchecked.

Kurt leaned between his knees watching Blaine fall apart.  “And then you came and told me.  That night, Blaine.  When you told me you were with someone – it ripped my soul apart.  Part of what was sustaining me in New York with all the craziness and newness - was the idea I'd built up in my head that I was laying the groundwork for you to come join me in a year.  You were always in my thoughts, just maybe not right up front.  And then, that night, it was like the entire house collapsed on top of me.  I didn't know how to move.  I didn't know if I wanted to move.  And I was so furious at you.  For months, I was livid, at what you did,” he admitted.

Kurt swept his hair back with his hand, “But I'm not angry now.  And I can't believe I'm actually going to admit this, but Sebastian reminded me of one really important thing: you came to see me in person to tell me what had happened.”  Staring pointedly at Blaine, Kurt explained.  “He reminded me that you could have not said anything”

“No, I couldn't.”

“Well, Blaine, maybe with both know you would have struggled with the guilt – but the point is, if you had chosen never to tell me – I never would have known.  You could have texted me, or called me, or whatever.  The point is, Blaine, you chose to be adult about it and tell me in person.  That took a lot of courage.  And I think it's important that I acknowledge your courage.  Because you aren't disgusting, Blaine Anderson.  Don't think I didn't hear that, by the way.”

Crooking his finger, he beckoned Blaine to come back to where he was sitting.  “And I realize how my actions helped to instigate some of this.  And we need to discuss how we're going to avoid that same pitfall again.  We need to figure out how to let the other person know when one of us is feeling like he isn't being heard.”

Blaine was slow to walk back and when he did, Kurt could see the beading of sweat on his forehead and the pastiness of his normally olive complexion.  His breathing still hadn't returned to normal and his arms, wrapped around his waist, were violently trembling. 

Rolling to his feet, Kurt closed the distance between them.  “Blaine?” he called softly, “Where's your medicine?” 

Chewing on his lower lip, Blaine stuttered, “Y.y.your car.”

Realizing that Blaine would be in a full –fledged anxiety attack before they reached the car, Kurt decided to try and calm him down another way.  “Come here, B,” he instructed, taking Blaine carefully in his arms.  “Dance with me,” he whispered into Blaine's ear.  “Put your head on my shoulder.  Breathe with me.” 

The tension was rolling off of Blaine in waves, but he did what Kurt asked.  Humming quietly, Kurt took one of Blaine's hands and laid it flat against his chest, covering it with his own.  “Do you feel my heartbeat, sweetheart.  Can you concentrate on that?”  Kurt slid his other hand down Blaine's back until it was tucked into the waistband of his shorts, pressing their bodies together. 

Kurt held Blaine snug to him, swaying them softly.  It took some time, but he finally felt the tension bleed out from Blaine.  “How're you doing?” he asked, brushing his lips against Blaine's temple.  Kurt smiled into Blaine's hair as he felt Blaine tug his shirt back out of his pants to run the palms of his hands across Kurt's back.

Tilting his head back, Blaine rose up on his toes, grazing his lips over Kurt's.  Again and again, he brought their moist lips together, pouring his love into every feathery touch. 

Kurt's hands drifted lower, cupping the plump flesh of Blaine's ass.  Unable to stop himself, he tightened his hold, nearly lifting Blaine from his feet.  Flicking his tongue out, and gliding it deliberately across the seam of Blaine's lips, Kurt waited for Blaine to groan under his touch before slipping his tongue into Blaine's wet, warm mouth.  He kissed Blaine as if they had all the time in the world…because really, for the first time in what felt like forever, he was beginning to feel like they did.