July 17, 2012, 7:01 a.m.
This Song Saved My Life: Chapter 17 The First Time We Ever Met
E - Words: 7,337 - Last Updated: Jul 17, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 22/? - Created: Mar 19, 2012 - Updated: Jul 17, 2012 355 0 3 0 0
There's something more than something less
Yeah, it's never obvious
'Cause when I think about you,
It's like the first time
You've seen my worst,
I've seen your best
It's never been as obvious
As when I think about the first time
We ever met
When they walked into the house a little under a half hour later, Kurt felt like a bag of sand. His feet weighed a ton and a half, each and every muscle in his body ached. It had been a silent drive home and for that, Kurt was thankful. They had sat; the radio playing songs neither really listened to as Blaine held his hand gently over the center console like he had that morning.
Kurt walked straight into the kitchen and threw himself down on a chair, ripping at the laces of his boots, wondering why he had to have chosen today to wear them. Sure, they looked great, but after the day he had, it took far to much skill to undo the strings. As his fingers fumbled, he grumbled angrily to himself.
He felt his hands get pushed away from his boots and Blaine knelt down in front of him. Kurt had been ignoring him as they walked in, not to be mean but simply because he had nothing to say. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Isn't this the wrong movie?" He teased lightly, trying to force away the negative energy he was emitting into the room.
Kurt smiled as he heard a laugh escape Blaine's lips as he skillfully worked at the laces. "I do believe Prince Charming was trying to put on Cinderella's shoe, not take it off." He commented easily back.
Kurt pretended to be scandalized, "Oh my! Looks like I have a rebellious Prince on my hands. Trying to take off my clothes instead of putting them on. What ever would Walt Disney think of you!" Kurt actually laughed after that, feeling most of the stress from the day fall away as he felt Blaine gently rub his first foot for a second before moving to take off the second boot.
"I do dread that he would send me to a Reform School for Princes." He said as his fingers undid the second set of laces much quicker then the first.
"That wouldn't be too bad, confined in tight quarters with sexy rebellious Princes. Dare I say it wouldn't be reforming at all…" Kurt teased. It was a ridiculous conversation but it doing wonders for his mood.
Blaine rubbed the second, now sock clad, foot and looked up into Kurt's eyes. When ever Blaine did that it sent shots throw Kurt's spine. If he ever started to doubt his feelings for Blaine, all he'd have to do was look into his honey colored eyes. "The only prince I'm interested in is right in front of me." He said quietly, leaning towards Kurt slightly.
Kurt's cheeks flared pink as he rolled his eyes playfully. "What a sap." He said, trying to keep up the banter but failing due to the butterflies in his stomach and the magnets on his lips. Before Kurt even realized what he was doing, he was leaning down and connecting his lips to Blaine's.
It was the first time they had kissed since the date and the feeling sent fire through Kurt's veins. There were two things that separated this kiss from the ones that had shared the other night though. The first was that Kurt had been the one to initiate this kiss.
The second Kurt couldn't quite put into words. It was different though. The way their lips moved together was still chaste, no one moving to deepen the kiss or nip at lips. But it did have something more behind it. The fireworks exploded in Kurt's chest and he could feel his breath being taken away by the other boy. Kurt didn't even realize it as he slid his hands to rest one on Blaine's shoulder and the other gently playing with the back of Blaine's gelled hair.
A quiet cough from the doorway tore the two boys apart in an instant, Blaine falling back onto his butt on the floor and Kurt pushing the chair back, almost tipping it.
"Carole! I forgot you were going to be home." Kurt confessed, running a hand through his hair, even though Blaine's hands hadn't wondered past his knees.
Carole smiled mischievously as she entered the kitchen, a coffee mug resting in her hand. She was still in her scrubs and Kurt assumed she must have gotten home from the hospital less than an hour ago.
"Oh, so you were bringing a boy home to an empty house behind your parents backs?" She said in mock disapproval.
Kurt didn't catch the mocking tone in her voice though, simply petrified at what she was implying. "I… uh… No! It wasn't that I was trying to sneak him in or anything like that. I wasn't going behind your backs… I just didn't think your home. I shouldn't have brought a guy home to an empty house. Oh God, Dads gonna kill me." He rambled quickly, the panic building in his chest.
He didn't notice the wink Carole gave Blaine, who had been having his own panic attack at his "good boyfriend" reputation being shattered. Again.
Carole shook her head and tsked at Kurt. "What ever will he think? Maybe he won't let you see Blaine anymore." She teased.
Kurt had gone as white as a ghost, his mind fighting to justify his actions. The thought of not being allowed to see Blaine almost sent him over an edge as his breathing started to get quicker without him noticing.
What he did notice however was Blaine suddenly kneeling by his side again, rubbing his arm gently.
Carole tried to keep her face calm and serious but knew she had pushed her joke as far as she could and started laughing loudly as she walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down Kurt, I'm just teasing. Your father and I both trust you. I'm pretty sure he assumes that you will be just like Finn at Rachel's, grasping every opportunity for privacy. Take a deep breath." She said and kissed her step sons cheek.
Kurt started to breathe normally again and placed his best "bitch face" on. "Carole!" He said shaking his head. "That is just mean." He pouted, slouching back down in his chair.
Her laugh filled the room. "Yes it was. But it was fun. Why don't you take Blaine down to your room? Though Burt and I have set up some rules. I was really hoping he'd be the one to catch you first. I suppose I owe him $20 now." She sighed heavily, leaning against the counter were Burt had earlier that morning.
Kurt's eyes got wide "You were betting on who would walk in on Blaine and I first? That's horrible Carole! He's my dad. Never. He will never walk in on us." Kurt said, trying his hardest not to imagine how that situation would play out.
Carole rolled her eyes. "Do you two know how many time's I've walked in on Finn doing things? I found out Quinn was pregnant by walking into him singing to a sonogram. I've seen far too much of Rachel for my liking as well." She said, shaking her head laughing.
"We don't want to see it but things happen. Now, I trust you two will be more careful to than Finn thinks to be, but it was bound to happen. It's not like I walked in on you two in bed."
Kurt was mortified. Not only had he been forced into the sex talk with his father, but also now Carole was talking about walking in on Finn and Rachel, which was a mental image Kurt was all too familiar with. Finn really needed to learn to fully close his door.
"Okay, so Blaine and I are just going to go hide in my room now and not have sexual relations. Goodbye Carole." Kurt said, bright red. He grabbed Blaine's hand and managed to drag the still silent boy to the doorway before Carole spoke.
"Not so fast boys. I did say it was rule time." She said shaking her head.
Kurt sighed, his head dropping. "Fine." He said quietly and turned to face Carole, very aware that he must have been tomato red already. He didn't even dare to look at Blaine.
Carole nodded and smiled "Lets be honest here, you are both seniors this year, going out on your own next year. I don't know about you Blaine dear, but I know Kurt. You're going to be living in New York, you are basically adults and we have to treat you like it. We can only set rules for you guys when we are around to enforce them. Fair so far?"
Both boys found themselves nodding wordlessly. "So when your father or I am home, the door to the basement stays open, the music stays at a decent volume, we will knock but not wait to for permission to come in, we expect you to be fully clothed at all times."
Blaine speaks for the first time as he nods "Of course Ma'am. Burt already went over these rules with us, but thank you for reminding us." He said, his face was darker then usual with flush but he managed to speak regularly, far less embarrassed than Kurt was by the situation.
Carole smiled and nodded, "You can call me Carole dear but it's good to know you remembered what Burt said, it was fairly early in the morning." She laughed.
Blaine chuckled along with her and gave Kurt's hand a gentle squeeze. "Yes, early but terrifying enough to stay forever ingrained." He joked along easily with her.
Kurt really loved how Blaine got along with his family. Sure, Finn looked like he wanted to smash Blaine's head in but his parents seemed to like him just fine. Burt wasn't threatening bodily harm and Blaine could even keep up a conversation with Carole, no matter how awkward it was.
She laughed and agreed but continued. "As far as when we aren't home, I'm going to tell you what I told Finn when he started getting serious with Rachel. I don't know if your father would ever say it or not but I do know he agrees with what I'm about to say." She walked towards the boys, a motherly smile on her face.
"You two are basically adults. You are old enough to make your own decisions about what you are and aren't ready for. Respect each other, and yourselves, be safe and don't do anything you could regret. I suppose I don't have to worry about another pregnancy scare from you two so just focus on respect." She said, rubbing each of their arms in turn. "Now, I think I have successfully killed the mood. I'm going to go get into my pajamas and watch my box set of Desperate Housewives. See you boys later." She brushed past them as she left and went up the stairs.
The boys stood in silence for a moment before glancing at each other and burst out laughing.
When Kurt regained enough air to breath he shook his head. "I don't know what was more embarrassing, my father giving me the talk and pamphlets or Carole's talk with you in the room. Why are my parental figures so embarrassing!" Kurt said, hiding his head in Blaine's shoulder.
Blaine laughed and shook his head "I don't know. But hey, they care at least. Lets go watch a movie or something." Blaine said, carefully rubbing Kurt's back.
Kurt nodded and removed himself from Blaine's embrace. "Sounds good. But after that conversation, I hope you know I'm not kissing you for a while." He said, grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him down the stairs.
"Is that a threat or a challenge?" Blaine joked.
Kurt looked back and raised an eyebrow at the boy behind him, his fond smile slipping into a small smirk. "Well, it's not a threat so take it as what you will."
As Blaine's foot hit the basement floor, he looked around at the room, still immaculately clean like it had been the night of the storm. The only clutter he could see was the rumbled bed that Kurt apparently hadn't had time to make that morning and a neglected outfit lying on top of the covers.
"Do you mind if I get changed? I'm kind of dying to get into comfy pants." He turned his head to Kurt who was inching towards his walk in closet.
Blaine smiled and nodded "No, yeah, of course. Go get comfy. You've had a long day." Blaine said, moving away from Kurt's bed and towards the sitting area.
Kurt sighed happily. "Perfect. But no judging. I'm going to be utterly unattractive and in slob clothes." He said as Blaine watched him dig through some drawers right inside of the closet.
Blaine doubted Kurt could ever look unattractive or slobish but he nodded anyways. "Promise."
Blaine leaned back and closed his eyes as he heard Kurt close the door of his closet with a quiet click, he could hear Kurt changing behind the door but tried not to imagine. The brief fantasy he had visited earlier in the hall came back and he shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.
This was also not the time nor the place for those fantasies. Especially with the bed so close and their relationship so new. Not to mention the conversation they had just had with Carole. He couldn't believe the images dared crossed his mind.
He sighed heavily and grabbed a Cosmo that sat on Kurt's coffee table. Girls talking about ways to control cramps and put on make-up. It was perfect and took his mind off of anything sexy as he waited for Kurt.
A few moments later he heard the door click open and was greeted by a sight that didn't help his situation in the least. He had finally got his mind to calm down, and then there was Kurt. Standing in front of him in loose, low hanging PJ pants and a form fitting but obviously well worn Wicked t-shirt.
Blaine hadn't gotten to appreciate the t-shit Kurt had been wearing earlier simply because he knew who it belonged to. That one had been loose and while flattering, it was nowhere near the one he was wearing.
"Unattractive my ass." Blaine breathed as Kurt walked over to him. Blaine couldn't help but look Kurt up and down appraisingly. He knew it was probably uncomfortable for Kurt to be so blatantly checked out but Blaine was pretty much his boyfriend, he'd have to get used to his roaming eyes.
Kurt rolled his eyes and picked up a pillow as he approached the couch, hitting Blaine with it once over the head before flopping down on the couch next to him.
"Shut up. I'm in old, ripped clothes. Nothing attractive about it." Kurt said as he turned awkwardly to face Blaine on the couch.
Blaine remembered what Kurt had said before they had left the school, 'I kinda just want you to hold me', so that was what Blaine was going to do. He chuckled and grabbed Kurt's legs, throwing them over his lap, and moved closer to Kurt whose back was now supported comfortably by the arm of the couch. He was very thankful when Kurt blushed mildly but didn't make any move to take his legs back.
Blaine fingered the ratty material of the pajama pants. Yes, they weren't what Blaine had expected Kurt to change into; they seemed too grungy for Kurt to keep around and Blaine realized that perhaps Kurt was right. "You know, I think you are right." He ignored the way Kurt's face fell subconsciously. "The clothes aren't very attractive, not up to your high standards at all. But I think it's the boy in them that make them attractive." He said and noticed the way Kurt's face lit up once again.
He wondered if Kurt ever noticed these things he did. He always thought of Kurt as someone who could put on a face, someone who prided himself on being a closed book around most people. And after the small things Blaine had heard about his life, he understood it.
But Blaine always saw Kurt as an open book to him. He had seen first hand the way Kurt could shut off to people, closing himself off at lunch, going into auto pilot when ever certain things were mentioned. But then there were moments like this, where he felt Kurt was just so free. Did he notice the cracks in his façade? The way his eyes would drop slightly when Blaine would say something he didn't like, the way his face would just light up a whole city when Blaine did something right.
Kurt shook his head and hid it in Blaine's shoulder "You are such a cheeseball. Never stop." He said nuzzling into Blaine.
Blaine chuckled and rubbed Kurt's legs gently. "Never, sweetheart." He said quietly and kissed the crown of Kurt's head.
Kurt caught sight of the clock on the DVD player and sat up. "Blaine, have you heard from Noah yet?" He asked. It was only a little 6:00pm but Kurt wanted it to all be over already.
He felt Blaine shift under him to dig out his cell phone and watched as the screen lit up. "Nope. Nothing. It's probably fine. It's better than getting a text saying something went wrong. I just wish I could be there with them." He sighed heavily.
Kurt tried to relax into the feeling of Blaine kneading away at the muscles in his legs but couldn't. He was both annoyed and worried for the group who had gone to fight his battle.
"I should be there." Kurt grumbled. "If they get hurt, it's all my fault." He said and rested his head against Blaine's shoulder once again, trying to let the smell that was so simply Blaine calm him. It was helping but he could still feel the nagging of guilt in the pit of his stomach.
Blaine rubbed circles on Kurt's thigh, that was a distraction enough for Kurt. Every new touch from Blaine sent shivers down his spine. Something as simple as Blaine drawing patters on his thigh, half way between his hip and knee was sending adrenaline through his veins. He had never been touched there before, not that he wanted to think about at least, nothing more then a mindless pat on the knee from a friend or a parent.
It wasn't a sexual touch, never venturing higher on his leg but it still made him sigh deeply and contently as his stomach did flips.
"None of this is your fault Kurt. It's not your fault, whatever it was that Karofsky did, it's not your fault that his jock pals blame you for his punishment and you are certainly doing nothing wrong when you stand close to a guy you like. It's not your fault that Puck is secretly in love with you or that Finn feels like he is guilty for what happened with Karofsky. None of this is your fault. Please don't blame yourself. You don't deserve that on you."
Kurt looked at Blaine like he was crazy. He didn't even know where to start with the things wrong with what Blaine just said. "I don't even… Okay, lets start with Noah. He's secretly in love with me now is he?" Kurt asked, annoyance evident in his voice. The last thing he needed was Blaine being jealous right now.
"Yes! He is. I know you don't see it Kurt but I see the way he looks at you. How, whenever you two are near each other, he always has to have a hand on you. I don't like it." Blaine grumbled.
Kurt took a deep breath and tried to keep his calm. He swung his legs off of Blaine, not finding this a time to be intimate and turned to face him. "Noah is in no way in love with me. He is protective of me. He treats me like he treats Sarah. His little sister. He is always touching me because he feels like if he is, then he is close enough to protect me. He was a jackass for a lot of years, Blaine. He is trying to make up for it! Don't go reading into it. It's just who Noah is. He is Noah Puckerman, he's handsy. It doesn't mean he is in love with me!" He said frustration painting his voice. He could tell by the look in Blaine's eyes that he wasn't buying it.
But it wasn't just a look of him not believing it, it was jealousy and worry. Kurt took a deep breath and softened his tone. He tried to imagine how it looked, he was aware that Noah was really physically affectionate and he knew he was also very receptive to it. He knew that Noah didn't mean anything by it. Blaine didn't and the look of fear in Blaine's eyes was enough to calm his anger slightly.
"Blaine. Look at me." He said and took one of Blaine's hands, his eyes had drifted to the spot where Kurt's thighs had just been.
When Blaine's honey colored eyes met his, he leaned down and kissed him lightly. "Blaine, after what happened with David, Noah got really, really protective over me. I sort of shut down a bit, Noah didn't really let me get away with that. He kind just popped up now and again and forced himself into my world whether I wanted him or not. He really helped me and we got really close. When I would have a flash back or something, Noah would hold me and quickly we became very affectionate." Kurt saw how Blaine looked like he was battling with anger, possessiveness, and hurt.
Kurt shook his head. "It has never, and will never be romantic in any way. Even if you were right, and Noah liked me, I could never be with him. He is a great friend but he did toss me in dumpsters and ruined my Marc Jacobs." He saw Blaine nod but his gaze fell.
Kurt knew that this wasn't really helping. He mentally lectured himself on not knowing how to make things better. With Quinn earlier, he hadn't really been helping at first either. He was just rambling trying to make it better, but failing.
He sighed and ran his free hand up and cupped Blaine's chin in his hand, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Blaine, even if Noah came up to me tomorrow with a dozen roses and a heartfelt confession of undying love I couldn't except it. Because of you Blaine. Because you are the only one who I fall asleep dreaming about. You are the only one I want to kiss." He said and punctuated it with a peck. "You aren't the only sappy one here Mr. Anderson. I just keep it to myself." Kurt said and let go of Blaine's face.
Kurt sighed in relief as Blaine smiled up at him. "I like sappy Kurt. I still think Noah is in love with you though." Blaine said and Kurt felt like beating his head against a wall. Instead, he settled for knocking it against the back of the padded couch.
Blaine laughed and pulled Kurt into a hug. "Hey, none of that. Just because I think Noah wants in your amazingly tight pants doesn't mean I think you would let him." He said and then corrected himself. "But you could you know… We, we aren't officially anything. You could date Noah. It would break my heart but I have no control over you." He said sadly.
Kurt looked at him, his heart breaking at the mere mention of Noah replacing Blaine. But Blaine was right. "Yes. I could. We aren't together. You know maybe I will go call Noah up. He is a very attractive man after all." Kurt teased and pretended to get up.
He knew Blaine was aware he was teasing as he chuckled and pulled him back down, this time into his lap. "Don't." he said simply.
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What are you gonna do about it?" he challenged playfully.
He was cut off though by Blaine kissing him, this time the kiss was still more intense. Passion and possessiveness streaming through them. "I'm going to make you mine." He said and captured Kurt's lips with his own once again, this time, running his tongue along Kurt's bottom lip, asking for entrance.
Kurt's heart exploded in his chest as he granted Blaine permission, deepening the kiss, allowing Blaine's tongue to claim his mouth, letting out a small moan into the kiss. Once again he was distinctly reminded at how different it was than kissing Brittany, she was wrong, boys didn't taste like cheeseburgers. Blaine tasted like nothing else, just like Blaine.
After a few moments both boys separated mutually to take in the air that their lungs were burning for. "While that was amazing Mr. Anderson I don't think it makes me yours. Now, where is my cell-phone." Kurt joked, standing once again.
And once again he was pulled back into Blaine's lap. "How about this, Kurt Hummel, the thought of anyone else touching you, kissing you or even looking at you in anything other then a friendly way makes me want to prove to everyone that you're mine. The thought of you being on anyone else's arm makes me both angry and depressed." He said, his voice as strong as his hold on Kurt's waist, not allowing him to get up and play anymore games.
He continued quickly when he saw Kurt open his mouth to speak again. "I only see two option, first would be to kidnap you and hide you down in my room where only I get the grace of your company. But sadly, as tempting as that is, you are not a possession and it is a tad bit medieval. So that leaves me with my second option. Kurt, will you be mine?" he asked, and the electricity flowing from his honey eyes made Kurt physically shiver at the intensity.
"Yes, Blaine. I'll be yours. As long as you're mine." He said and kissed Blaine gently, affectionately, not heated like the last.
Blaine smiled against his lips and pulled away slightly. "Deal." He breathed and they sat gazing into each other's eyes.
It was 7:46 when Blaine glanced at the clock again. After a bit more kissing the boys had settled down into watching TV, cuddled close together, planting random kisses on random body parts and whispering back and forth even though they had no reason to be quiet. The moments they had shared between them becoming official and the time on the clock had been perfect.
It had been at around 7:34 though that Blaine's mind had started to wonder. The nagging feeling was eating away at him. He had been in Kurt's life on a regular basis for almost three weeks now, and every day he heard hints of a story that was kept just out of his grasp.
He couldn't handle not knowing anymore. At this point, now that they had agreed to finally label what they had, he needed to know. He had comforted Kurt's trigger right after transferring and had heard people vaguely going on and on about Karofsky. He had to know.
Blaine reached for the remote lying beside him on the couch and flicked the TV off. "Kurt, what happened with Karofsky?" He asked gently. He knew this was going to be a hard conversation but it was one they had to have.
"No. I'm not talking about it Blaine. Leave it alone." Kurt said, shifting uncomfortably and looking away.
Blaine shook his head, he wasn't letting this go. He couldn't. "Kurt, there is a group of Jocks after you for what ever happened and another off defending you because of it. Not to mention you broke down in my arms when at my house because of it. I'm done watching people dance around the subject. You're my boyfriend now Kurt, I have to know. This isn't something deep and dark in your past. This is something that is effecting you and the people around you now. Tell me, please Kurt. What happened?"
Kurt got up off the couch, ignoring the way Blaine gently tried to keep him sitting down.
Blaine sighed and leaned back, preparing himself for the argument. He sincerely hoped Carole had the TV turned up but doubted it. He could only hope she didn't try and butt into this. She cared, he hoped not to a fault. This had to be just between them.
Kurt shook his head "No Blaine. It... Blaine, you'd explode. You saw how angry Noah and Finn are, its been almost a year. You shouldn't have to deal with this." He said, pacing back and forth around the room. "And you might not want me after you hear it" Kurt whispered, but Blaine heard it.
That sentence broke his heart more then he thought possible.
Blaine pushed himself off of the couch and pulled Kurt into his arms. "I could never not want you. Especially not because of what some jock did to you. But please Kurt, this is an issue in your life. I can't help you if I don't know what happened. Not to mention it breaks my heart that you're keeping something from me." He whispered in Kurt's ear.
He could feel Kurt slouch in his arms in defeat. "You know, it's not fair that you use your damn logic and those honey eyes to get me to tell you things." He pouted against Blaine's neck.
Blaine chuckled lightly and guided them back down into the couch, pulling Kurt in close. "Sorry. I promise to use my powers for good, not evil." He tried to joke.
Kurt laughed, it was strained but it was there. He pulled himself out of Blaine's arms, grabbed a pillow and sat on the opposite end of the couch, pulling his knee's to his chest. "I…I just can't have anyone touching me if I'm going to talk about it." He confessed, looking small and fragile to Blaine, who simply nodded, not trusting his voice to hide the shattering of his heart from the boy in front of him. How bad had this been?
Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second before opening and gazing into the copper and gold of Blaine's eyes, trying to find comfort in them. His eyes were going to be an anchor for him, he decided. When ever it gets to much, he'll just look into Blaine's eyes and feel better. He hopes.
"I can't even tell you when it started. In a town like Lima, we all went to school together since grade school. They always made fun of me, they didn't know why and when I was little neither did I. I was just unmistakably different. They just didn't know how yet. But little kids are just mean with words. Using terms like Faggot and Queer without even knowing what they meant. Just that they had heard their parents using them for people like me." He shrugged, trying to act indifferent, and he was almost at this point. After years of abuse, talking about the early years were easy. He had told that story hundreds of times.
"Then by the end of middle school the jocks weren't just kids who liked sports anymore. They were the popular ones, the assholes. They had, by that time, figured out what Queer and Fag meant, but that didn't stop them because hey, it was what I was." Kurt said bitterly rolling his eyes.
"Then high school came around. It wasn't just verbal taunting anymore. It was hell. Dumpster dives and swirlies and locker shoves and slushies." Kurt cringed slightly as he recalled every one of the physical abuses he took. "Those were worse. Those left scars." He said and subconsciously grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around his exposed arms.
Blaine cringed as well this time, no longer able to pretend Puck had been talking about emotional scarring. How had he never noticed Kurt's arms being covered in scars. Where they covered? Or just pain full nicks in the perfect skin that were an all too clear reminder. Blaine clenched his fists, keeping his mouth shut. He knew it could only get worse.
"I find it laughable to say I was ever in the closet." Kurt did in fact laugh bitterly at the statement. "Look at me, I've never been anything other than what I am now. I didn't tell anyone and there was a time where I actually told Finn I wasn't gay when he thought I was asking him out. He wasn't mean about it, but I was just so scared. It was sophomore year when I actually came out. No shock to anyone. It was Glee though, that gave me the courage to actually confirm all the suspicions everyone had since I was five. Things got worse. The jocks were horrible but I learned to deal with it."
Kurt sighed heavily, hugging the pillow like a life line and gazed into Blaine's eyes for a moment, grateful that they did provide a small amount of comfort.
Blaine reached out a hand to pat Kurt's knee, his hand dropping heavily as Kurt flinched away. "Sorry." He mumbled, taking his hand back, determined to keep them to himself until the story was over.
Kurt simply nodded and continued on. "I never told my dad, I didn't want him to worry. He had the tire shop and it was hard. It got worse last year. A lot worse. One guy, David Karofsky, decided it was his goal in life to make my life worse then any of the others could. My back was always covered in bruises from locks and walls. My dad had a heart attack early last year. I knew I should mention what was happening, but I couldn't. He was with Carole and was recovering and he was on bedrest and I just, I couldn't do that to him. If I told anyone it would get back to him and he could have another heart attack. I dedicated all my time at home to making him better."
Blaine knew how much Kurt cared about his father, knew about how close they were but suddenly it had new, deeper meaning. Every molecule in Blaine's body was begging him to pull Kurt into his arms, but this wasn't about him. It was about Kurt and giving him everything he needed to get the story out. Even if what he needed was killing Blaine.
"One day, Karofsky threw me into a set of lockers and I snapped. I have no idea what was going through my mind. I followed him into the empty locker room." Kurt's eyes were closed and Blaine knew he was flashing back; he wanted so badly to stop the hurt on Kurt's features.
Blaine wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn't have to finish, but he did. Blaine kept reminding himself this was for the best. He braced himself though, he could tell by the way Kurt was physically reacting that this was where it got really bad. This was the story Kurt didn't want to tell.
"I screamed at him. Told him he could never do anything that could break me. I was very wrong." Kurt swallowed thickly. "He pinned me to the set of lockers and kissed me. I couldn't move. He just attacked my face, pressing against me. I had never felt so dirty in my life. It was my first boy kiss and it made me want to rip my lips off. He heard some noise and stopped, threatened to kill me and walked away." Another deep breath and the story continued. "No one came in and I just sat and cried. It was the worst feeling in my entire life."
Blaine felt like nothing he ever had before. He was very well acquainted with anger. This was different though this anger was all consuming. His mind was reeling, there was so much to take in and so much he wanted to do. He thought the story was over. He hoped it was.
It wasn't though. "It kept happening. I'd go to the bathroom and he'd be there, his lips attacking mine. In an empty hallway, where ever he could find me. It broke me. It truly did. I was a shell."
Kurt took in the biggest breath yet and pushed his hair back, his eyes locking with Blaine's for a few moments.
Blaine wanted to comfort Kurt, at the very least verbally but he knew the first syllable he let out would break the dam and it would all overflow. He stayed quiet, praying that the story would be over soon. If it was this bad to hear he could only imagine how Kurt must have felt. As much as Blaine knew this had to happen he felt overwhelming guilt at what he was putting the boy he adored through.
"One day, he caught me and dragged me by the collar of my shirt into a janitors closet. He pinned me to a wall with his body. By this point I was used to it, I blocked it out. Went somewhere else. I didn't even struggle anymore. Kaorfsky was huge, there was no way I could beat him. He pinned my hands to the wall above my head in one of his and started kissing my neck. He had never done that before and I squirmed, he seemed to like that because I could feel him hard against my leg. That snapped me out of my own world and I struggled so hard. It wasn't any use. He… h…" Kurt took in a shaky breath and stopped talking for few moments.
When Blaine was about to move or do something at least, Kurt spoke again. "He undid the button and zipper of my pants and shoved his hand down and grabbed me." Blaine could see the tears in Kurt's eyes, pooling over and sliding down his face.
"It was horrible. In those moments, I really wanted to die. I'm not going to lie and say at that moment I didn't debate going home and ending it." That hurt Blaine, like a knife to his heart. He couldn't breath.
"I didn't obviously. I had even decided on pills, if I was going to die it wasn't going to be messy." He laughed bitterly. "I don't know what snapped me out of it. I think it was when he said something. It's all a blur. He said something about finally breaking me. How I was going to be a good little whore for him." He shook his head, his whole body visibly shaking.
"He tried to push me down onto my knee's and I knew what he was going to do. I panicked, the smart ass in me said if he even put that thing anywhere near my mouth I would bite it off. Then I promised him I'd tell. I was so done. I had to tell. I had to make it stop."
Kurt looked at Blaine straight in the eyes and felt that even the warm honey of Blaine's eyes did nothing to make the ending to the story any easier.
Tears started pouring like rivers down Kurt's face. He took deep breaths, trying to keep his voice steady. "That was the wrong thing to say apparently because he started beating me. Throwing me against every wall in that tiny closet, brooms digging into my sides and buckets ripping my jeans. I was whimpering and in so much pain when he finally left. I was crying pretty loudly I guess. The next thing I knew, Noah was there. Fate's little grace that it was Noah and no one else."
Suddenly Blaine felt horribly about his accusing tone about Noah. Feelings for Kurt or not, Noah had really saved his boy before Blaine could. No wonder Kurt felt so comfortable around him.
"The rest is history. His dad is some big shot lawyer. He knew he couldn't win a court case but he knew he could take every penny from my dad trying. So they agreed that no charges were going to be laid and David was forced to transfer to a reform school at the other end of Ohio."
The story was done and Blaine couldn't wait any longer, he launched himself across the couch and on top of Kurt. He was careful not to put pressure on him, balancing himself with his arms, careful not so scare him after the story. He just hoped this wasn't too close. "You are beautiful, and perfect. You didn't deserve that. Any of that. It doesn't make me like you any less. It just makes me want to show you how much I care. I want to kiss you sweetly and worship you and show you how special and perfect you are. I want to make you forget the feel of everything he did to you." Blaine said as he felt Kurt latch on to him.
Kurt pulled Blaine down so he was putting some of his weight on him and were laying horizontally on the couch. Kurt cried into his shoulders and Blaine rubbed his back and held him tight.
Blaine's mind was reeling. He wanted to murder Karofsky and if he was ever face to face with the man, he swore to whatever God he could think of that he would. In a heartbeat.
Blaine fought to keep his hands to himself, his lips murmuring reassurance and comfort into Kurt's ear. He wanted to throw Kurt down on the bed, slowly take off his clothes and worship Kurt. He wanted to do the things that Karofsky had ruined, to touch Kurt were he should have never been touched before and make him feel good instead of dirty.
The thoughts in his mind, though of a very sexual nature, weren't there to get Blaine off, he didn't care about himself, he just wanted to make Kurt feel loved and perfect over and over and over again. He knew he couldn't. They weren't there yet and especially by the story he had just heard, it could be a very long time until they were. He was okay with that.
He just promised himself that every thing they did together, he would make amazing and special. Especially the things that Karofsky had stolen.
In the back of his mind Blaine felt like he was robbed of Kurt's firsts as well, that he should have been the first one to touch him like that, the first one to kiss him. Of course that was just Blaine's suddenly present possessive nature.
After a few minutes, Kurt stopped crying and pulled his head out of Blaine's shoulder. "T-thank you Blaine. For listening. I know I didn't want to tell you, but I'm glad I did. I was so scared that when I told you, you would think I was dirty and used. That you wouldn't want me anymore." Only a few stray tears slipped down Kurt's cheek this time.
Blaine shook his head. "Never sweetheart. Never. You are beautiful and perfect. I will always want you." Blaine promised.
Kurt shook his head "You can't promise me that Blaine. We are still in high school. Always is a very long time."
Blaine shook his head and kissed Kurt's nose lightly. "Always is a very long time. And perhaps I can't promise that. But I think there is a pretty good chance." He said quietly and connected their lips in a sweet and innocent kiss, his hand gently caressing Kurt's face, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.
It was a kiss that Kurt quickly turned deep and passionate, needing to drown out the images and ghost lips of David.
Puckerman: We are all okay. This is bigger than we thought. Keep an eye on Kurt. I'm trusting you dude. Don't let him out of your sight till Finn gets home.
Blaine took a shaky breath as he read the text; Kurt curled into his side, asleep at 8:54. He gazed at the peaceful look on Kurt's face and pulled him a little closer, tightening his previously loose grip and kissed his hair. He was never going to let anything bad happen to Kurt ever again. Ever.
So that was hard to write. I would just like to say though that i have no hate on David. I did. For a very long time i held a grudge against him and his actions. While i would never want Kurt and David together i do realize that David is making a huge effort and this portrayal of him in my fic does not reflect my opinion of David in Canon.
anyways, come love me on tumblr and send me reviews and make me happy. or yell at me. that works too.
Comments
I seriously can't believe there aren't more comments on this story!I've started reading yesterday night and finished around 6 a.m. this morning :p. I totally love your story and its The Little Mermaid references :).The way you describe Kurt & Blaine's relationship is just perfect, so sweet and honest.Can't wait for a new chapter, keep up the great work!
Awe i'm so glad you like it! that means a lot to me! i don't think that many people really read it. But to be fair i have almost 100 comments on fanfic.netIt really does mean the world to me though that you took the time to comment, since no one does on here. It made me all warm and fuzzy! i hope you caught up on yoursleep and as for the next chapter i'm assuming tomorrow. thank you again! loves!!!Fallon
Thank god people on fanfic.net are commenting! Really don't get why people don't do it on here...And you're totally welcome! I had an amazing time reading, so it's more than fair to leave a little note.I did catch up on my sleep, but I'm here again at this ungodly hour for people in Belgium so. Damn fanfiction!I'll be waiting for the next chapter :)!