"Girl, you got me going crazy, Knock me off my feet. Now you've got me beggin, baby, Beggin, baby, please. All I wanna know is do you wanna get away, get away with me. 'Cause girl, I don't know what to do, cause I'm so in love with you." – Got Me Going Crazy : Jonas Brothers

Saturday, February 4, 2012

"Oh Mercedes! I don't…I just...ugh! I don't know what we are!" I sighed into the house phone that was wedged in between my shoulder and ear. I threw my hands up into the air aggregated, pacing my room.

"How the hell don't you know what you are?" Mercedes voice filled my ear.

"We…" I tried to think of something logical as i reached for my vibrating cellphone.

New Message : Blaine I hit open.
Hello there Kurtttt! What are you up to on this lovely Saturday?
- Blaine

I sighed to myself. His like perfect. I quickly typed, Talking to Mercedes on the phone. How about you? I set my phone back on the desk but it vibrating again.

New Message : Blaine
Mercedes…the girl from the first show you went to? She was really nice! I like her! I hope the feelings are mutual! Haha.
-Blaine

I smiled at the message. Try crazy. She absolutely crazy. Trust me she loves you!

"Kurt! If you are texting him right now instead of talking to me, then I am highly offended! What happened to chicks before dicks?" I jumped at Mercedes voice totally forgetting her presence.

"Um…Mercedes, I have a dick?" The sentence wasn't a question, but sometimes I think she forgets. She sighed; I could practically hear her roll her eyes.

"Just tell me what you were going to say!" Mercedes spoke trying to hide the annoyance on her voice. I gulp. What were we talking about?

"Um…" I searched my head for anything that would remind me of the conversation before Blaine interrupted. Nothing. "What were we talking about?" Mercedes laughed. Laughed?

"You like this guy so much. He's got you practically wrapped around his finger." She was still laughing. Did I miss something here? "Remember, never let anyone control you. Never do anything you don't want to." I felt heat rise up my neck. "Now, tell me what you guys are! Not friends. Friends. Boyfriends. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies." I rolled my eyes.

"MERCEDES!" I yelled at her. "We. Are. Not. Fuck. Buddies. Or friends with benefits. That's just so low." Mercedes chuckled again.

"So what are you guys?" she asked again.

"I don't know. We didn't really talk about anything like that." I sighed. Ignore the vibration from the phone on the desk.

"What do you want to be?" her voice was serious.

"I want more then friends." Was that to wrong?

"Then make it happen!" Her voice was a little too excited.

"The balls not in my court." I paused. Whos court is it in? "I'm not sure it's in his either. I just don't know what's going to happen next." I frowned. "I really hope that something happens though. Maybe I have to make the next move even though the ball isn't in my court."

"Well," Mercedes voice was filled with concern. "Maybe you should think about everything first, before you go and do anything about it." I sighed. And fell back onto my bed starring at the ceiling.

"I guess so." I wasn't too enthused by her words. I didn't want to wait.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Dear Kurt,

You are…well, you could be, i… you are just simply… amazing? I can't think of the right word to describe you. Amazing? Beautiful? Courageous? Fantastic? Impressing? Wonderful? Considering? Shy? Gorgeous? Sexy? Kind? Mysterious? Creative? Stunning? Wounded? Cute? Adorable? Captivating? Lovely? Caring? Smart? Astounding? Alluring? Enchanting? All these things are you. Everything I think and know you are. Don't even think about trying to deny what's written here because I won't believe you. There is only one thing I wish I could add to this list but I don't know if I can.

Mine.

God, Kurt, how I wish I could call you mine. But I can't … just yet hopefully. Ever since Friday I've been trying to figure out what we are but I can't. No matter how I hard I try. I've also been trying to figure out how to make you mine.

After a long 20 minutes of thinking and trying to ignore Wes and David comments and inputs on the situation, I have come to the decision that I'm going to ask you on a date. A real date. Not just see you at my coffee shop shows. Not that I don't love seeing you there, it's just…not really a date. You know? I want to take you out. Treat you right.

This is how it's going to go.

I'll be calling you within the next hour to ask you. I got this in the bag! I'm going to put on my dapper charm and dial your number. You're going to answer in your cute adorable voice. I'll say hello and ask how you are. As soon as you finish answering I'll ask you out. Not going to have any small talk but the answer to "How Are You?" then you're going to do that cute adorable blushing shy smile thing that you do and then you're going to say yes. Then we'll have the most amazing date ever. Then I'll end the date by asking you to be my boyfriend, you'll say yes, again, and then we will live happily ever after.

The end!

BUT WAIT!

What if I call you and you say no? What if you meant not to give up on being friends with you? We never really established if we were just friends or going to try moving on! Oh my god, I am idiot. You hugged me! You didn't kiss me. That means you only want to be friends. But wait, you said to never give up on you...does that mean I can ask you on a date? God, this is so confusing! "Just friends"? I hope that's not what you meant! I can't be just friends with you…

I like you too much.

Okay, no. Shake those thoughts from your head Blaine! That's defiantly not what he meant.

I can do this!

Yep. I can do this. I can ask you out on a simple date yes? Of course I can. What the worse that could happen? You would say no...Oh my god, What if you say no! I can't believe I didn't think this in my plan to get you to be mine.

I'm really thick headed sometimes.

I'm stupid.

Oh my god, screw it. I'm going to ask you on a date. This could possible ruin us again.

But I don't think I can be your friend if you do all these things to me.

For example, you make me get lost. My mind is controlled by thoughts of you. You can't seem to leave my head alone. I'm so behind on everything because all I can do is think about you. All I can do it think about your hair, your face, your clothes, the way you talk, that way you walk. I think about what I'm going to say when I see you next, so I don't look like a complete idiot in front of you. When I get a text my heart beats faster. When I hear your voice when I call you or pick up a call from you, my heart beats so fast it feels like it flying out of my chest. When you smile, my knees go weak. When we touch even if its slightly touching or a mistake it sends electricity through me. When I see your beauty you take all my breath away and I hard time breathing when I'm around you. It's just like that song I wrote for you.

"Please don't stand so close to me. I'm having trouble breathing. I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. I'll give you everything I am. All my broken heartbeats. Until I know you'll understand."

I can't be only your friend, if this is what you do to me. God, Kurt, you drive me crazy. A good crazy, but it's totally crazy.

I'm going to do this.

I.

Can.

Do.

This.

Blaine

PS I'm going to text you write now!

PSS I really hope you say yes!