"When the walls come crashing down, I hope you're standing right in front of me. Where my past lies all around me cause all you need to save me is to intervene and make the walls come crashing down...Got Dynamite?" – Got Dynamite : Demi Lovato

Friday, February 3, 2012 : 4:13 pm

Dear Kurt,

Today's Friday. One week since I made that mistake. That mistake that I'm absolutely completely sorry about.

I'm sorry I didn't message you yesterday. I'm just trying to get use to get over you. It's really hard and it hurts a lot. I really, really don't want to.

You're my exception. But let's not get into that now, huh.

I figured that since you haven't message me in the past week that it was time to begin to give up. God, do you know how much it hurts me to sit here and write this?

To write that I have to give up on you! God, I don't want to. I want you. I need you. You've began to become my everything in the past 3 weeks. I just give you up now.

I'm going to try one more time, so I won't have to give up on you.

This is my last chance. You didn't tell me this, but I'm making it my last one. I'm telling myself this. You're probably completely aggregated that I texted you nonstop for the past week.

So when I'm done writing this heartbreaking terrible letter to you, I'm going to text you asking to come to my show tonight. I'll tell you how; if you don't show tonight that I'll give up.

God, I hope you come tonight. I need to see you. I need to talk to you.

Please. Please. Please. Come tonight. I don't want to give up on you.

Well I guess I should text you now, before it gets too late.

Blaine

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

One foot, in front of, the other.

Turn 180 degrees on right heel.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

I was pacing my room so much that I'm lucky I didn't start making a hole in the ground. My boots scuffed against the carpet, from dragging my feet because I wasn't picking them up all the way. This wasn't just bad for my carpet; it was also bad for my boots. But I didn't care; I had a lot more on my mine then my stupid boots. Love you boots, just not now.

This week was absolutely terrible. Every single day went by so slow. Blaine texted me about every hour, if he didn't text in a 3 hour period I would get worried. That he gave up, on me. But he would eventually send a message. His messages usually consisted of "Hello", "Hey", "How are you?", "what's up?", or

The constant "Sorry", "I'm sorry", or the "I'm so so so sorry, Kurt." A little obsessive? Yeah, but I don't really care. But he has a reason. Because I never texted him back. I'm terrible I know. But I can't seem to get enough courage to write him. It pains me to know that he hurting because of my stupidity. But I'm so embarrassed of what I did. I would hit reply, but my fingers would just hover over the key to afraid to move and write something to him.

The whole weekend I spent in the safety of my non judging bedroom, by myself, debating on calling Blaine.

Never happened.

But on Monday, that's when my week began going downhill.

Monday:

Waking up was terrible. Considering I didn't sleep at all, not one wink. I laid awake thinking about Blaine, of course. You know, apparently my mind doesn't process or like to think about anything else. Cause you know, nothing else it more important. I mentally rolled my eyes.

I slowly walked to my locker, dreading the lonely day already. I wasn't looking forward Mercedes hounding question after question on me about Blaine, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to dealing with Karofsky.

Maybe, I could fake being sick and go home. Yes, that sounds perfect. I stood face to face to my locker. Starring at it intensely. My arm was laid a crossed my chest gripping the strap of my bag.

Now or never.

I breathed in getting mentally prepared to start acting sick. I began putting my sick face on. I turned on my heel, heading in the direction of the nurses office. I only took one step when, "Kurt!" Mercedes voice echoed through the hall. All my "sick" feelings subsided only to be filled with loneliness, emptiness and sadness.

Never, I thought.

I rolled eyes and turned back to my locker. Opening it, I started to pick out the books I needed. I waited for Mercedes to make it to my locker. I wouldn't know when she got here till she talked talking considering the locker door was in the way of my view. She rounded to my other side and smiled. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, her eyes were bright and her smile was a little too big.

I can do this. I can handle talking about him.

The first thing out of her mouth was, "How was it with Blaine?" Blaine name was name was like a slushie hitting my face. It stung.

Nope, I can't do this.

My eyes began to water and I couldn't stop. I tried to blink them away but it didn't work. I gripped the strap of my bag tighter and looked down at my feet, and followed the tear that escaped from my eye all the way down to land right of my left shoe. Mercedes didn't know what was wrong, she starred at me in disbelief and confused. And before I could speak, I heard a voice. A voice i wished I didn't have to hear today. His voice made my tears fall faster.

"HEY HOMO!" I winced, "Stop crying you faggot! Your gaying up this hallway!" and with that said Karofsky shoved me into my locker. I put my hand up to catch my fall. My breath shuttered as I exhaled and my wrist ached in pain.

"HEY!" Mercedes screamed. I didn't hear the rest of what she was saying because I was already half way down the hallway to the front door.

When I made it to my car, my wrist was full on throbbing and tears poured from my eyes. I didn't go back to school that day. I went home and spent the day in the safety of my non judging bedroom. Again.

Tuesday:

I walked through the front door of the school. After a night of my Dad asking why I left school before it even started. My response, a shoulder shrug.

I really didn't want to be around people today.

God, how I didn't want to be at school today. I didn't want to deal with him! Or Mercedes… But there he was. He rounded the corner, a large cup in his left hand. I gulped.

No, not to today, please. I mentally pleaded to him. Even thought I knew that wouldn't change anything.

I closed my eyed as he became a few feet away from me. And there is was. The Bitch slap from and Ice burg. I wiped the cold substance from my eyes and opened them. People around me watched. Some starred in horror, others laughed at my misfortune. I looked down. Grape slushie began to soak into my clothes.

I was wearing white.

This will never come clean.

I felt my eyes begin to water again. I didn't know if I was crying or if it was the syrup. I turned around and headed straight back to my car. Never to return back to school today.

None judging bedroom, here I came.

Wednesday:

I was forced to go to school today. Dad wasn't too happy about how I left school the last two days before it even started. He said, if I didn't stay this whole day, he'd take my car away. Oh, how I wish I was home. I needed my car though, I needed my baby. I was a snail walking to my locker.

Karofsky didn't touch or speak to me today.

Blaine messages began to dwindle.

I felt numb.

Thursday:

Blaine didn't message me at all. I decided that he gave up on me. That I wasn't worth his time, I didn't deserve it. That it was over. And I ruined my teenage life.

My whole day was a blur and I was to numb to remember or do anything.

I didn't even sing in glee club.

Did I mention that Blaine didn't message me at all? Yeah, well he didn't.

My heart broke in two.

But here I am, Friday, February 3, 2012, pacing back and forth debating on what to do. My phone lays on my desk with a message from Blaine open. The only message I had got from him in the past 40 hours.

I stopped pacing and faced my desk. Starring at my phone. I reached over and picked it up reading Blaine's message for the 15th time in the past 30 minutes.

Dear Kurt,

I want you to know, that I am really sorry for what I did. I wish I could take it back to be friends with you again. I would like to apologies to you. I would like to talk to you in person. But I understand if you never want to see me again.

I have a show tonight, like every Friday at the same time, 6pm in case you forgot, and if you show ill apologize and hopefully we can be friends again. I hope we can be. I'm really sorry I ruined this for us, our friendship.

Anyway, if you don't show, ill understand. I'll move on.

Hope to see you very soon.

A very sorry,

Blaine Anderson

I glanced at the clock. 4:45 pm. I have over and hour to decide to go or not. And if I am, I only have the next 5 minutes to choose, because I have to go pick out a brand new outfit.

After picking out the best outfit I could in 5 minutes. An outfit that consist of dark skinny's jeans, a light purple dress shirt, dark purple bow tie, and my favorite black boots. I grabbed my black pea coat from my closet and ran downstairs to the television room.

My dad and Carole were huddled together on the couch watching some movie. Carole picked at the popcorn that sat in a bowl in her lap. I was too focused on seeing Blaine tonight to care what they were watching or to notice how cute they were acting.

"Um. I'm going out?" I turned into a question. Knowing my dad probably still not happy about my attendance to school this week. They turned and looked at me. My dad raised an eyebrow.

"Where are you going, sweetheart?" Carole asked then placed a kernel into her mouth.

"I'm going to go fix something. That should have fixed last week." I gave Carole a look. She smiled at me, reading my stare.

"Okay, honey. Good luck. Have a good time." Carole said giving me a full smile and turned back to the TV. My dad stared at her I'm disbelief and confusion, but then nodded.

"Back by 11, Kurt. Eleven. Got it?" dad said sternly. I nodded and rushed out the door. Keys tight ok my hand.

Here I am. So close, but yet so far away. I stood in the parking lot of L'amour du Cafe. My palms were sweaty and my body shook with nervousness. I quickly grabbed my phone from my pocket to check the time. 5:57 pm. Three minutes till Blaine goes on.

What if this whole thing was a complete joke? What if he was set up to do this? Like what I thought when I first met him 3 weeks ago in Borders. To befriend me, get me to like him so that he could kiss me to mess with my feelings, and then bring me here. To humiliate me in front of the whole coffee shop. Who would such a thing? Why would they even think of such a horrible thing to do?

Who would even want someone like me?

I can't do this.

Quickly turning back to my car, I rushed across half of the parking lot to it and placed my hand on the handle to the driver side. I paused.

But what if, what if Blaine actually really does like me? What if he asked me here to actually apologize, even though i should be the one to apologize? What if he truly actually likes me? He sees pass my flaws and my crazy madness.

Not likely.

If I walk away, if I go home right now, then I could be running away, giving up the chance of the only guy who could possibly ever like me. Walking away from ... Love?

I just can't walk away from this possible chance but I also can't humiliate myself. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Possible love or possible humiliation?

That is the question.

I took a deep breath and did something i hardly ever do.

Took a chance.

I turned on the heel of my boot and headed onward to the door of the coffee shop. I carefully stepped through the snow but mostly ice that covered the parking lot. I didn't feel like falling today and my wrist still hurt from Monday. Not as much but still ached if I moved it a certain way. So if I fell on it, it wouldn't be a good situation.

Thoughts, emotions, memories, overflowed my mind as my made way to the door. What ifs this and what ifs that? Questions and concerns. But I pushed them all away when Blaine's voice filled my ears as soon as I opened the door. My heart pounded against my chest.

"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up. Leave me with some kind of proof; it's not a dream, oh! You are the only exception." My breath hitched at the words. I slowly made it to the table in the back corner. Out of sight just in case I wasn't really supposed to be there or that this was a complete joke.

"You are the only exception. You are the only exception. You are the only exception. You are the only exception." I gasped. Who is he talking about? Only exception? That's deep. "You are the only exception. You are the only exception. You are the only exception. And I'm on my way to believing. Oh, and I'm on my way to believing." The crowd erupted with applause and a few whistles. I didn't pay attention though, my eye fixed on what Blaine, to see what he was to do next. He spoke a soft thank you to the crowd. His eye wondered over it, looking searching. But after a few seconds he turned head to the side looking up to the ceiling and bit his lip. I saw his adam's apple bobbed, for it seems he had swallowed. The crowd died down and he turned his attention back to them. His eyes were shiny now and sparkled in the spot light. He then took a stuttered breath.

"This next song," he voice was weak. He cleared his throat and tried again, "This next song I wrote myself. I locked myself in my room Wednesday and started and completed this song. It's a little edgy, but that's okay." Wow, one night? Seriously, this guy is amazing. "I wrote this song, about this amazing fantastic person, that I met only 3 weeks ago. In the soundtrack section of a Borders store." My body froze. Me? Was this about me? My ear perked up, listing attentively. "This person was afraid of me. Tried to scare me off." He chuckled. "But it didn't work. So beautiful just standing there. I asked this person to my show and that person came. Then came the following week. And during that two week, I began to like this person. Like them a lot. And I mean A Lot." My breathing stopped now. "Last week. I made a mistake. I was to forward. I did something I shouldn't have done. And I'm so sorry for it." his was quite.

"I asked this person to come tonight, so I could apologize. I told them, that if they didn't show, I would give up on them. I wouldn't bug them anymore…" I saw a tear run down his face, but he quickly wiped it away. I couldn't feel anything. I was numb again. "And…this person doesn't seem to be here. They seemed to not have come. So, I have to give up. Give up on the only person; I would ever want to be with. This person my is my only exception." I felt tears begin to sting behind my eyes. I wanted so badly to scream out, I'm here Blaine! I'm here! Don't give up! But when I opened my mouth nothing came out.

"So," he voice was shaky. "This song is for this amazing person. I hope you enjoy it."

"Sun is filling up the room and I can hear you dreaming. Do you feel the way I do, Right now?" Oh god, Blaine. I do feel the way you feel. If you only knew.

"I wish we would just give up, 'cause the best part is falling." I felt a tear rolled down my cheek. If my hand weren't sweaty before, they are now. "Call it anything but love and I will, Make sure to keep my distance." No. Don't keep your distance. "Say I love you when you're not listening and how long can we keep this up, up, up." What if I am listening? I'm listening now. Please, don't make me too late.

"Please don't stand so close to me. I'm having trouble breathing." He likes me so much he can't breathe? My body winced in pain. "I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. I'll give you everything I am. All my broken heartbeats. Until I know you'll understand." Oh Blaine…I don't just see you right now, I feel everything your feeling.

"And I will make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you're not listening and how long can we keep this up, up, up." I felt my heart break in two at this point.

"I keep waiting, for you to take me. You keep waiting. To save what we have." Blaine voice began to crake.

"So I'll make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you're not listening. And how long can we keep this up, up, up." My vision was blurred but I could still see the tears that fell from his eyes as he sang.

"Make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you're not listening. How long can till we call this love, love, love?" he let out a sob but quickly covered it with a cough. "I'm sorry to – um, cut this performance short. But thank you." Blaine voice shattered me to tiny pieces. He stood and slowly made it off stage. I stood up, my eyes followed his body. My feet started to more in the direction he was headed in. My eyes glued to his face and body watching him like a hawk. His every motion, his every move, his facial expressions. Tears began to fall heavier.

He was placing his guitar back into its case when I became two feet away from him. His back to me.

"Blaine…" I barely even heard my voice as I spoke. I tried to blink tears away. He turned around to face me. His eye widened in shock. His golden caramel eyes were red and puffy and filled with hurt. They tugged at my heart.

"…Kurt…?" his voice was filled with hurt and surprise. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his bottom lip. "I…" he couldn't speak.

"Oh Blaine," my heart cried. His eyes opened and looked at me. Tears began to pour from my eyes. I threw my arms around his neck pulling him close to me in a hug. He staggered back trying to stay balanced from the pressure I just caused. His arms wrapped loosely around my waist. Not in a returning hug but only to support our weight, probably to afraid to get to close to me. Afraid that I would run again. My heart screamed in pain. I gripped tighter and shoved my face into the crook of his neck. I was full on sobbing now.

"Never…" I sobbed in to this neck. I felt my breath bounce of his neck and back in to the face. "Never give up on me." I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed. "…please..." I begged. His arm in my waist gripped tighter and his other hand was place on the back of my head. His fingers laced into my chestnut hair. He pulled me as close as he could to me, lifting me of the ground a bit and placing me back down. His head dug into my shoulder. I felt tears begin to soak in to my jacket.

I knew that there was no way he was going to let go of me now. He wouldn't let me leave. But that's okay, because I never want to leave his grasp.

Emotion filled this hug. No words had to be spoken; the emotional hug had said everything we had to say.

"I won't." He whispered into my ears. A shivered went down my spine. "Never again..."

Friday, February 4, 2012 : 12:43 am

Dear Kurt,

Wes and David finally went to bed. Like for real, what reasons do they have to stay up this late? Are they crazy? Who stays up this late?

Well, me. I do but that's only because I can't sleep and I need to write to you after today's events. There is no way I am writing to you while Wevid is around.

I guess they just wanted to make sure I was okay. They knew what I was doing to tonight. They are concerned friends, but sometimes a little to nosey. But me, I'm okay. I'm more then okay! I'm amazing.

Anyway.

God, Kurt. You scared me tonight. I didn't think you were going to show. It was getting late and I didn't see you in the crowd. I was so close to saying I give up.

But there you were. Standing face to face to me, crying. Please never cry again, you're so beautiful when you cry but it breaks my heart seeing you in that kind of pain. I was so shocked to see you there.

I thought you were going to tell me off. But then you jumped into my arms, crying into my shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to scare you away. But I didn't want you to leave me arms, to leave me again. So I barely hugged you back.

But then.

But then you spoke those words to me. Telling me to never give up on you. Oh god, I never would have been able too. It hurt a lot to think of you, but it hurt way more to try and forget you.

I hugged you so tight after that. Knowing you wanted me just as much as I want you. I can't even breathe thinking about it.

I can't even breathe thinking about you.

I hope you know that, I'm never going you go now? Never. Never will i let you go. I couldn't the first time and now that you said never to give up on you, I'm never giving up or letting go.

I just have one thing to ask.

Will you never give up on me? Please don't give up on me or forget me. Never.

You're my only exception, Kurt.

Never letting you go,
Blaine