"Don't run away I feel close to you now. You know I need you now. I'm taking the chance and giving myself to you. If something's not right then tell me I'm wrong" – Taking Chance : Air Supply

Friday, January 27, 2012

Dear Kurt,

I am so sorry.

I don't even know where to begin. Besides to begin with saying sorry.

We were having the most amazing night ever! Well at least I was having the most amazing night ever. Every minute, every second I'm with you is amazing, is thrilling. I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I knew what you thought. I wish I knew what you were thinking right now. This very second.

Anyway, I was having the most amazing night ever. With the most amazing guy ever.

You showed up late, but that's okay because you showed! Right? I'm so glad you came to see me a second time! I feel like my show is 150% instead of 100%, just because you are there.

The songs I choose tonight were completely random and not written down on my set list. I played the song I wrote about you, because I decided to take a chance at trying to figure out if you liked me. If you like me the way I like you. That song says everything that I couldn't say. Isn't there a saying something like, "If you can't say it, sing it"? Well there you go. I couldn't say that type of stuff to your face so I sang it to you and only you in front of a whole crowd.

You seemed to love that song. To love my performance. You seemed to like me to the way I like you.

Then we went on that walk, because Ms. Owner Daddy's Little tone Deaf Girl was performing on the Coffee Shop's stage.

I heard you sing. I heard you sing with your amazing angelic voice for the first time. God, Kurt. Your voice is absolutely stunning. I'm completely amazed by it. You were gifted by angels.

Your voice made want to take another chance. Your voice gave me strength, gave me courage to try. But I didn't. I couldn't do that to you.

So I hit you with a snow ball instead. Yes, I know classy. You didn't seem too happy. Haha. You're so adorable when your anger.

That just made me want to take that chance even more.

Then you attempted to make a snowball yourself. But I hit you with another before then! HA! Don't under estimate the power of … THE BLAINE!

You ran from me! Put me up to a challenge to come and get you. Didn't take long for me to reach you, though. Did it? I wrapped my arms around you from behind and it felt right. Like we fit in each other's lives perfectly.

Then i slipped ice. Even more classy… And we both landed in the snow bank. I landed on top of you. We were so close to each other. Our lips were inches apart.

So I mentioned the song again. And took that chance that I said I wouldn't only 5 minutes before.

The way you acted makes me regret taking that chance, because it could have ruined everything.

God, Kurt. Please don't let my stupid mistake ruin everything.

I like you to much.

I don't know what to do. I'll text you tomorrow and see if you hate me. Right now, I need to sleep this out.

Love
Blaine

PS I understand if you never want to talk or see me again. I hope you choose to see me again. I don't know if I'll be able to never see you again.

All day. All day I wasn't nervous. All freaking day! But now, everything has changed. My hands messed with the scarf wrapped around my neck. I just couldn't get it to lay right on my neck. It wouldn't lay even. One side always looked better than the other. If the left side looked good then the right side wouldn't and if the right side looked good the left wouldn't. My mind raced with thoughts of how things could go tonight. I was going to see Blaine again tonight at another coffee shop show. But this time, I was going without Mercedes. By myself. Alone. My stomach did flip flops at the thought of being with Blaine all by myself. All week I was excited to see him again, but now I feel like I could vomit, I'm so nervous. I took one last look in the mirror, just to scowl because nothing about me looked right. My hair. My clothes. My shoes. My face. Nothing. I turned and started on my way to leave; trying not to become more disappointed with how today was going or how it could go. Hopefully, my nervous feelings will subside and I'll have an amazing fantastic time with Blaine.

I stood in the entrance way of the TV room. Dad and Finn sat on the edge on their seats watching a pointless football game. Their eyes were glued to the TV screen, locked, not even blinking.

"You might want to the wait to commercial, Hun." Carole said placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her and gave a small smile, already thinking of doing that. "Going somewhere?" she questioned looking over my entire. "Perhaps with that boy from about two weeks ago? Blaine was it?" I looked down to my feet, blushed creped on to my face as I dug my boot into the wood floor below me.

Blaine. God, I love that name.

"Boy?" I heard my Dads voice come from the couch. I looked up, the football game still going on. Was that a touchdown? Oh, so that is how you get his attention while watching a football game. "What boy? You're going out with a boy? What's he name? Where's he from? How do you know him? You're joking right?" he turned to look at Finn. His eyes large in shock. "Did you know about this?" Finn face showed surprise. He shook his head, "No."

"Umm..." I began before I felt Carole's hand pull me backwards away from the room.

"Come on sweetie." she pushed me towards the door. I heard my Dad yelling questions as we walked further away from the TV room. I felt the nervousness rise in my stomach, again. My heart pounded faster as I became closer to leaving my house. "Don't want you to be late meeting Blaine. I deal with those guys for you." She patted my shoulder. "Have a lovely time darling! I better meet him ASAP!" she pushed me out the door, and with a silent click the door was shut behind me. I slowly walked to my car. More like inched my way to my car as slowly as possible. My stomach was doing more and more flip flops. I got in the car, got in, turned it on, and then headed on my way to see Blaine.

Before I knew it, I was parked outside the little coffee shop, L'amour du caf�. My hands were shaking as I gripped the staring wheel, so tight my knuckles were white. My blood pulsed through my veins against the guitar pick hidden under my scarf, in my shirt. My heart flutter at the thought of Blaine's pick around my neck. The nervousness I was feeling raised higher than it was before at the thought of Blaine seeing what I did to his pick. Would he think it was cute? Would he think that I was creepy? Would he think I was a stalker and never want to talk to me again? Would he be mad? What would he do? My best bet was for him to never see it again.

I jumped at the sound of someone knocking on my window. I swallowed hard and turned to look. A boy about my age with blonde hair stood there. His hand locked with a short skinny girl with long light brown curly hair.

"Are you okay?" he asked through the window. His eyebrows knitted together with worry. I breathed in deep, closing my eyes. I nodded my head yes. My eyes looked at them again. The girl gave a sad smile. The boy nodded with an okay, "Have a nice night." He said and they walked to his car.

Why am I so nervous?

I glanced at the clock. 5:59. Shit. Blaine performance is in 1 minute. I can't make it seem like I don't care! I jumped out the car and sprinted to the door. I walked in, not even stopping to put my coat in their coat room. The caf� didn't seem as crowed as it was last week. I went and sat down in the middle of the caf�, at one of three only open tables. I looked around to see if Wes and David were there. Not in sight.

Good. They scare me. A little more they probably should.

Blaine told me not to worry after I sent him a text message a few days after last Friday. I was practically ripping my hair out at the little threat they gave me. Mercedes didn't seem to help me with my situation with them. She loved them. Best friends, eh? I took my jacket off and placed it on the back of my chair.

Looking for Blaine I found him on stage sitting on a stool in front of the microphone. The nervousness I felt before was now completely gone. The lighting in the room made his face shine. He was definitely a performing type of guy. He belonged on stage. There was no doubt about it.

"Hello everyone!" Blaine adjusted the microphone stand. "How is everyone tonight?" A few people in the caf� answered. "That good." He smiled, tuning one string on his guitar. "I have a new one for you tonight. Well, you probably all know it. It is on the radio." He laughed and began the song. I smiled at his attempt in being funny.

"My head is stuck in the clouds. She begs me to come down, says "Boy quit foolin' around." I told her "I love the view from up here." He looked up at the ceiling in a joking way. "Warm sun and wind in my ear. We'll watch the world from above. As it turns to the rhythm of love". He smiled at the word "Love".

"We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you're mine all mine. Play the Music low and swing to the rhythm of love.

My heart beats like a drum. A guitar string to the strum. A beautiful song should be sung. She's got blue eyes deep like the sea, that roll back when she's laughing at me. She rises up like the tide the moment her lips meet mine.

We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you're mine all mine. Play the Music low and swing to the rhythm of love." His eyes found mine and smiled. My stomach screamed in happiness. Our eyes locked as he sang the next few lines.

"When the moon is low. We can dance in slow motion. And all your tears will subside. All your tears will dry." His eyes left mine and I felt my emptiness take over.

"Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba. Da da-da dum Da da-da dum. Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba. Da da-da dum Da da-da dum.

And long after I've gone. You'll still be humming along. And I will keep you in my mind. The way you make love so fine.

We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you're mine all mine. Play the music low and swing to the rhythm of love. Ohhhhhh. Play the music low and swing to the rhythm of love. Yeah swing to the rhythm of love." The song ended and the caf� applaud. Blaine's face lit up. My breath hitched and I looked down to play with my fingers.

Oh how I wish I could make him smile like that. To be that much important to him. I wish I could be his everything. For him to like me in that way would be the most amazing thing in the world! Kurt! Stop. You can't think like that to someone you've known for almost two months. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen. People like me don't get to have "Happily Ever After's." I'm going to be 40 and have a cat. That's my future. Sadness completely filled me now as I brought myself down.

"The next song I will be playing is dedicated to my friend who is here tonight." I looked up to lock eyes with Blaine. Was he talking about me? "I wrote this song. If kind of really forward and I hope it's all right. It's really forward actually. I'm really skeptical of singing it, but…" He paused moving his eyes away from mine and down to his guitar. "Here goes nothing."

"There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old, tired place lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when I saw your face." His eyes met mine, again. "All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you." My heart sped up. My eyes locked onto Blaine in question.

"Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" across the room, your silhouette starts to make its way to me. The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy.

And it was enchanting to meet you. All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you." he looked around the crowd.

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you." his eyes met mine again as he spoke the word "you".

The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake. Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door. I'd open up and you would say, it was enchanting to meet you. All I know is I was enchanted to meet you.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew.

This night is flawless, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone. 'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you.

This is me praying that," he looked up again. "This was the very first page, not where the storyline ends. My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon; I was enchanted to meet you." His eyes starred into nothing now. Worry written a crossed it.

Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you. Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew.

This night is flawless, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you." His eyes looked back into mine as he finished the song.

"Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you." he strummed the last chord. The crowd loved the song, I heard a few "She better love that song!" though out the crowds clapping. If they only knew. "Thank you." he words barely a whispered.

He wrote a song. He wrote a song, about me. Me. Little old me. Little Mr. nothing. Mr. No One Important. He wrote a song about me. About being enchanted to meet me. I felt tears fill my eyes and my breathing shorten. That's all I remember about that night's performance.

"Thank you everyone! I'll be here next week, Friday!" Blaine spoke from on stage taking a bow. "Please come and see my pretty face again! My pretty face likes to see all your pretty faces in the crowd on Fridays!" Blaine walked off stage and headed to me. I stood with a smile wide on my face. A real, not fake smile. His eyes were filled with worry, but the smile on his face covered them up. He gave a tight hug.

"How'd you like the show?" he said, worry filled the sentence.

"It was absolutely amazing!" I practically squealed. Worry left his eyes.

"Really?" he asked. I nodded, the smile never leaving my face. The smile on his face grew. "Amazing." We looked at each other not saying anything. Our "starring contest" was broken when the next act on stage began to sing completely off tune. I cringed and pressed down on one ear trying to cover it so her voice wouldn't go in. Blaine rolled his eyes and laughed. "I don't know why they keeping letting her perform here. She's absolutely terrible." He looked at the table and smile. "Then again she is the owner's daughter." He looked back up at me. "Want to go for a walk? To leave this girls voice behind."

I nodded, "Yes please!" I stood up and grabbed my coat. Blaine walked away to get his.

I met Blaine outside. I was already freezing as I stepped out that door. It had snowed a bit while we were inside. A fresh layer on white covered the ground. A walk in the middle of January in Ohio probably wasn't the best idea ever. It was freezing. But I didn't care; as long as I was with Blaine then everything would be fine. I pulled my scarf up higher around my neck and dug my hands in my pocket. What a good time to forget to wear gloves? Well they wouldn't have matched my outfit anyway.

We walked in silence as cars drove past us. Snow covered the sides of the road. It wasn't the pretty snow, either. It was that ugly brown dirty snow the aggregated everyone when they saw it. It just makes every single place look hideous.

"I'm running out of songs to play on Fridays. I've been doing this for a while now. I just don't know what to play anymore. Everyone knows the songs I play, too." Blaine spoke besides me. I laughed.

"Are you kidding me? I know like none of the songs you perform. Well except Teenage Dream. That you played last week. I mean who could forget your pretty ringtone." I laughed then added "The songs you sing amaze me." Before he could bag on my ringtone. I nudged his shoulder with mine.

"Are you serious?" he almost screamed. "How do you NOT know the songs I play?" Good, ignore my ringtone comment. Haha, good boy. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and shrugged.

"I'm a Broadway kind of person." I said, my mind racing for a song. I picked a chorus. "It's time to try, Defying gravity. I think I'll try, Defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I am defying gravity and you won't bring me down!" Blaine gasped. "I can even hit the high F in that song." I spoke more to myself then to him.

"You're an amazing singer!" Blaine exclaimed. I looked at him then blushed.

"Not every thinks so." I added looking down at my feet as I walked.

"Kurt, don't let anyone tell you different. You're amazing! Don't let anyone bring you down." His words stunk to me like I was glue. My mind began to wonder. I didn't answer. "Seriously," His voice was much calmer and softer. "You're really good." His shoulder hit mine. I looked at him and smiled, then nudged him back. I walked a little faster so he couldn't hit my shoulder again. But then I was hit with something that wasn't his shoulder.

A snowball.

I turned around. "BLAINE!" I yelled. "A. Snow. Ball." He laughed.

My eyes narrowed on him. I reached for snow to make my own but he hit me with another one before I could even make one. I looked at him. He stood there hands behind his back pretending to look innocent.

What a cheese ball…

I shook my head and began to run. "Try to hit me now!" I had to run about ten feet before I felt arms wrap around my torso. His arms fit perfectly around me. Like the last piece that is placed in a puzzle. I screamed as they lifted me off the ground a little. "Blaine!" I began to laugh in enjoyment.

This was the guy I was going to fall in love with unintentionally then get my heart broken by into a million pieces.

Blaine must have lost his footing because I landed in the snow bank. My eyes were squeezed close as I felt something land on top of me. Afraid to open my eyes, I opened them anyway. There, right in from of my face, was Blaine's. A little bit to close. His golden brown eyes burned into my mine. My eyes locked with his, unable to move to look anywhere else. I felt his breath wrap around my face.

"You know," he began. I was becoming dizzy from his scent. "I meant what I said." His words confused me. Well his scent confused me. I couldn't process what he was saying.

"What-" I question barely even saying the word. I watched his eyes ignoring the fact that we were in a snow bank on the side of the road. Ignoring the fact that my designer clothes were getting soaked with dirty snow water.

"The song," he started. He breathed in, then out. His breath hitting me like a million bricks. His eyes filled with all different emotions. "It's true. I was very enchanted to meet you." His eyes closed and he closed the space between us. His lips meeting mine. Shock rushed over me.

HE'S KISSING ME! WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHY IN THE HELL?

I pushed him off of me in confusion. He fell to the ground of the road. Face confused and hurt. Guilt flooded me. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to comprehend what just happened. When I opened them, Blaine still sat on the ground looking more hurt then confused now.

"Blaine, I-" My eyes burned, I feel tears coming my way. What did I just do? "Blaine, I'm so sorry." I barely spoke those words as I ran towards my car. Soaking wet and tears running down my face.

Shit. What did I just do?