"Anything I don't have You can give it to me, but it's ok if You don't, I'm not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I'm gonna need You." – No Matter What : Kerrie Roberts

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Dear Kurt,

Uh, hey Kurt.

I know tonight didn't go as we planned it to be. . . Well I guess none of our nights actually go as we planned them. I mean just look at the night we met. I planned to stay at my dorm and get some extra sleep but was forced to go drive two crazy people, I call my friends, to the mall. And you were just planning to go to Borders and buy a new Wicked cd and also attempt to scare me away.

It's hard to be scared of an angel.

But I can tell you that one thing good also comes out of our unplanned events. One I met you and two tonight. Now I know tonight's dinner didn't seem to be anything good. But I guess it depends on how you look at it. Your own point of view.

Tonight I got to tell you that I love you and that I would love you spend the rest of my life with you, which you happily agreed to. I love you more than anything. And I probably shouldn't though. It's selfish. I'm not even supposed to be here.

Wow, you don't know how great it is to be able to think about my future and know that you are going to be in it. That you will be there.

You know what the best thing about tonight is? The best thing is that you are laying in my arms asleep right now. You look so peaceful and fresh. You look like an angel. You are so beautiful when asleep. Absolutely stunning.

You in my arms right now is honestly one of the best feelings in the world. I wish you could lay here forever. I wish we could lay here forever, just like this. But the best thing about thinking how I want you to be here forever, is knowing that this is my actual future now.

In a few months, we will be able to do this every single day and we won't have to worry about curfews or school nights and the days we are so busy we don't get to see each other.

Speaking of curfew, I have to leave like now if I want to be able to get home in time.

Oh I don't want to wake you. Maybe I'll be careful not to wake you, leave a little note saying that I love you.

Oh I don't know what to do. If I wake you? I wake you. If I don't? I don't? How about that?

I love you,
Blaine

I watched Blaine over the top of the menu gripped in my hands. He had taking me out, again. I told him he didn't have to do this, again. But Blaine insisted, leaving me with no way to argue with him. I feel bad because he always takes me out, always spending money on me. I would enjoy a movie and popcorn in his room or in my house. You know something simple and easy. I love romance but sometimes romance is simple. You know?

My dad and Carole love him. He could come over whenever he wants. My father says he likes Blaine because he makes me happy. He likes to find me with a cheesy smile plastered to my face and with Blaine it seems to never leave. So as long as he makes me happy, my dad is happy.

Blaine makes everything better; everything is brighter when I am with him. There is never a dull moment.

Blaine looked up catching me staring at him. I quickly averted my eyes and began reading the menu. I felt heat rise up my neck. I heard Blaine chuckle from across the dimly lit table. I looked over the menu trying to pretend that Blaine didn't just catch me staring at him. I've been to this restaurant before so I already knew what I like and what I don't like. So reading over the menu wasn't too important to me. I looked around the dim lighted restaurant; couples filled the tables around us. No one was looking at us funny or if we were disgusting.

A woman probably in her early thirties caught my eye. She sat at a table far off in the corner of the small restaurant by herself. She smiled at me, a shy happy smile and her blonde locks falling into her wide eyes. She was probably waiting for someone, her date most likely. I smiled back at her, hoping that her date wasn't standing her up. She was gorgeous and if any guy had the balls to stand her up they had to be ridiculously stupid. Man whore at the least.

She turned her head in the direction of the door. A lady with bright red natural hair was walking over to her table. The blonde stood meeting the red head in a chaste kiss on the lips.

Oh? So that's how it is?

The blonde looked over at me again with a wide grin placed perfectly on her tiny face. She nodded slightly in Blaine's direction and gave a quick wink. Blush filling my porcelain cheeks and I smiled at her because she understood.

Turning to look at Blaine again my smile softened and replaced with a dreamy shy one. Blaine was mine. Wasn't he? He wanted me. Right? Blaine, the man I love.

Wait, love?

I examined the way he sat. He sat slightly slouched but still had that Dapper look to him. Blaine left his hair curly today.

Remind me to thank whatever higher power out that made Blaine leave the gel out of his gorgeous curls.

A curl hung low on his structured forehead and I had an overpowering urge to brush it away, but I held it back. His eye lashes were thick against his cheeks when he blinks. Blaine was biting his lower lips slightly, his eyes trance on the menu. He's probably never been here before, probably doesn't know what's good and what is absolutely terrible. There are a few things on the menu that are plain out disgusting. He took a few seconds to lick his lips starring down at the menu still. I stifled a laugh before getting and over powering urge, the undeniable wanting feeling of his lips on mine.

I licked my suddenly dry lips wishing I didn't lose my chap stick a few days ago. Was this normal? This feeling of wanting his mouth to never leave my porcelain body?

Blaine glanced up at me but this time I couldn't tear my eyes away. His golden eyes glowed bright in the dim light.

"Hi there," his voice was soft, caring.

"Hi," I let out the breath I was holding in. "You look gorgeous." Shit, what did I just say? I bit my bottom lip nervously. That, was not, supposed to leave my mouth. Blaine smiled, blush showing a bit on his cheeks. He looked away for a few seconds before finding my eyes again, a smile wide on his face.

"I don't compare to my beautiful date," he stated. I giggled, if he only knew.

"No, I'm serious," Blaine argued. "You're absolutely stunning. Straight off a fashion runway, model like." I could have sworn this there was a sparkly in his eye as he spoke. I shook my head some more.

"Oh stop, Blaine. You talk too much." I spoke with a slight giggle. Blaine gave me an incredulous look but a smile still played on his gorgeous face, when he looked back down at the menu.

"Hello, my name is Adam and I will be your waiter this evening. May I take your drink order?" I looked up to find a muscular man standing at the table side. His ginger orange hair was short and freckles covered his cheek bones and nose. His overly powering green eye stared down at me intensely. Practically undressing me with his eyes. I swallowed hard and felt like throwing up everything I have ever eaten in my whole entire life when he winked at me.

I turned hopelessly to Blaine's direction but he was looking down at the menu, still, unaware of the disgusting leech standing at our table side.

"I'll have a coke. How about you, love?" Love? Love? This seems to be catching on. But this isn't the time for pet names and affection! I'm being practically eye rapped over here!

You know, maybe I'm just over reacting. So someone other ten Blaine just happens to find me attractive. Big deal. Maybe I should take that as a compliment.

"Um, water?" It came out more of a question. I cringed at the sound of Adam clicking his pen against the order pad.

"I'll be right back with those. Please take your time looking over the menu," he spoke clear and proper and he left with another wink directed at me. I tried to pretend that I didn't notice his ill-mannered act. As he stalked away my attention was averted back at Blaine. I was shocked to find that his eyes were looking at me instead on the menu.

"You okay?" he asked looking at me carefully. I nodded. He didn't seem to believe me, but I placed a smile on my face and he changed the conversation.

"How's glee club at school? Mine is still depressed about losing Regionals to Vocal Adrenaline. I can only guess that your club is taking it much worse than mine. I've only meet Rachel a few times but she seems like a real nut case, no offence." I laughed as Blaine spoke.

"Non-taken. She one of my best friends but I still want to chop her head off and burn her wardrobe sometimes." I brought my hand to the table top and began playing with the fabric.

"She and the rest of New Directions were upset, some of them still are. But I guess it's different with Rachel and I. We both got in NYADA. We'll be spending all our time there, in New York." I felt my voice being to get distracted, my mind raced and my heart began to ache. Blaine. He wasn't going to be coming with me to New York. Why would he do that? I don't even know what he's doing for college. Never actually talked about it. He's rich right? Maybe he doesn't even have to go to college, maybe he's all set for the rest of his life.

I guess we were in that type of relationship that ends when high school does. Maybe it's just all too good to be true.

I swallowed those thoughts away as I felt his finger intertwine with mine on the table top. Looking up at him I smiled, he's really everything I could ever ask for and so much more. Squeezing his hand in acknowledgment, his eyes softened and butterflies filled my stomach at the look. Although, this instantly flew away when I saw Adam coming up behind Blaine with two glasses I his hands.

Blaine's hand sudden felt like fire in mine and I wanted to let go. Glancing back at Blaine, that same look was still planted on his face and I became conflicted. How could I let go of someone's hand when they looked at me like that? Like they love me, like they care about me.

Yeah, but all those thoughts left me when Adam spilled Blaine's coke and my water all over my head and my brand new Marc Jacob's sweater.

I let out a scream jumping up from my seat. I know for sure that this got everyone in the restaurants attention now. Now everyone would actually realize there was a gay couple in here and who knows what could happen then.

"Kurt!" Blaine's scream echoed through the filled restaurant. Adam's laugh coated my brain, echoed through it. I don't understand… I looked up at Adam shivering because the cold liquid finally soaked through to my skin.

"You actually think I was winking at you because I found you attractive," Adam laughed more. I shook my head furiously feeling tears being to burn in my eyes. Blaine looked confused. "You fags think you can have any guy you want." I winced at his words and apparently Blaine did too.

"What is your problem?"Blaine shouted at him. I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"My problem? I don't have a problem. You homos just happen to be in my space." Adam voice was stern.

I don't remember when I started shaking but Blaine's grip around my waist wasn't calming me down. I caused this. This is all, my fault.

"Hey! He's right, what is your problem?" the blonde lady from the table across the restaurant was now standing next to be with a comforting hand on my back. "You're our waiter too and you didn't seem to have a problem." Adam let out a slight chuckle.

"Of course not. You are girls, women. Two good looking ladies going at it is sexy as fuck. Now, two guys is just completely disgusting," He sniggered. The blonde's girlfriend scoffed in annoyance.

"That is so disrespectful in so many ways," the blonde lady held her back from jumping at Adam's throat. Her eyes softened at her touch.

"I got this, honey. Go take the boys outside. Make sure they don't leave, I want to talk to them." I heard the blonde talking but wasn't completely sure what she was talking about for tears were now blurring my vision and streaming down my face. Blaine's grip on my waist tightened as he helped me walk out of the restaurant and all the starring people.

I heard the blonde lady's voice drift away, "Everyone, go back to your meals." There was a pause. "You. I would like to speak to your manager. Right now."

The wind blew on my face when we finally made it outside and Blaine engulfed me in a hug. I tried to push him away but he held on.

"No, Blaine. I'm all wet. I don't want your clothes to get ruined as well." I told him as soon as I got him completely off me. Blaine cupped both sides on my face wiping away the tears running down.

"Love, that doesn't matter to me." I blinked my eyes which only let more tears fall, but Blaine wiped those away too and brushed the wet strands of hair from my eyes. "You know even when like this you're still beautiful as ever." I let out a quite laugh.

"I'm a mess," my voice quivered.

"No, no. your never a mess. You're perfect. You're more than you think. And I …," Blaine paused watching my expressions, searching my eyes. "And I love that about you." He moved one hand down to my waist, while the thumb of his hand on my face rubbed my cheek calmingly.
"I love you." what? No, he can't love me… that's impossible…

"I really do. This probably isn't the best time to tell you this. I had this whole night planed. But now everything – Everything has changed." Blaine needs to slow down. I'm still at the 'I love you' part. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, whatever I have left. It's kind of selfish, but. . ." he's sentence drifted away.

"I know we are still new in this, but picturing my life without you is hard. Completely impossible actually. Before I met you, I had been accepted to three colleges. Three schools that I really wanted to go to. I finally agreed to go to one of them. The one in . . . New York." My eyes widen at the fact that he just said New York. "And I believe that if we didn't meet back in January in an Ohio mall, that we would have met someday. In New York. Maybe on a subway, or in some little coffee shop on the corner of some street. Or a day where we both happen to go for a walk in Central Park." Passion filled this boys eyes, he knew what he was talking about.

"I swear we would have met somewhere else, some other time. Because I know that we are made for each other. I don't know if you feel the same way or that I'm creeping you out. I may be scaring you, but I'm scaring myself as well. The way I feel about you scares the living shit out of me. But I wouldn't leave you to make it go away, because the way I feel is addicting. When I'm at school my heart aches just to hear your voice to know what you are doing. You are everything to me and if we broke up any time soon or ever, I know that I would die from heartbreak. Because I need you and I love you. Shit, I love you so much." Blaine shook his head in frustration, of loving me to much?

I was shocked. Scared of what to say or do. What this real? Or is this just fantasy?

"Our lives start in like a month. We'll graduate and be on our ways to New York. And I don't want to do this by myself. We are both going the same way; why not go there, together…?" he took a deep breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, will you, when we graduate, come with me to New York? Live with me. Be with me. Be my everything. I wanted to be able to have a terrible day and know that when I'll be get home you'll be there to make everything better. I want to be able to walk down a New York street, get hit on my some girl or guy and go 'Oops sorry, I have an amazingly sexy boyfriend, go hit on somebody else.' I want to be able to take care of you whenever you need it. I just- I just want to be with you," Blaine stared into my eyes waiting for me to answer.

The tears that now ran down my face weren't from Adam's stupidity anymore. The confliction on the restaurant wasn't even in my head anymore. These tears were because of Blaine. Because he wants everything I could ever want from him. Blaine dropped his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. He pulled his arm around my waist tighter so our bodies were pressed against each other's.

"Kurt, please say something… And please make it good. I really don't feel like making myself look like an ass. Although I kind of already did," Blaine's voice broke as he spoke and was soft and quite. I brought my face to his placing a chaste kiss on to his lips.

"I love you too," I whispered. "You don't know how long I've wait to say that." Blaine chuckled.

"Just as long as I did?" He placed another kiss on to my lips, lingering there for a bit.

"And I would love to spend my life with you if that's okay," I asked. Blaine smiled and moved his lips to my forehead in a light kiss.

"It's all I could ever ask for."

"Alright that's all settled." Blaine looked up pulling away from me but keeping a firm grip around my waist. "Oops did I interrupt something?" Glancing over to the door the blonde lady stood there a hand to her mouth.

"Yes Danni, you did. They were being so cute together and the speech the curly hair one just gave. It's reminded me of us when we were younger," The red head spoke. Danni nudged her with an elbow before turning back to look at Blaine and I.

"Hi, I'm Danni Banks. I'm a lawyer at a law firm in Columbus and this is Vanessa, my fianc�e of 6 months," she held out her hand which I gladly shook.

"Kurt," I said.

"Blaine," Blaine replied shaking her hand as well. Danni smiled.

"I just talked to the manager swearing I would sue their ass for anything if they didn't undo what just happened. Now Adam, the douche bag waiter will be sending you and apology and money to rebuy a brand new Marc Jacob's sweater. Considering yours is now ruined beyond dry cleaning repair." My eyes widen at the information I was just told.

"Oh! Wow, that is . . . wow thank you so much," I stuttered.

"Oh it's nothing, just doing my job as a lawyer and a gay rights supporter. I have to help the young in need," She smiled lacing her hand with Vanessa's. "Now it you have any trouble or need anything, please call me." Danni handed me a business card with all her information on it.

"Thank you," I muttered reading the card. "Really this means a lot." Danni smiled and Vanessa kissed the side of her head. "Really it's nothing. Now get home and change out of those wet clothes. Don't forget to spend time with your adorable boyfriend," she winked.

Blaine kissed my cheek as we watched Danni and Vanessa walk away from us.

"It's not everyday people like us get help," Blaine said. I turned and looked at Blaine.

"Thank you," I said. He looked confused,

"For what?" he asked.

"Everything." I leaned over placing innocent kiss on to his lips.