"It's my insecurities. It's not you, it's me. I'm my own worst enemy. It's my insecurities. I just wanna be perfect in your eyes. All I really want it love. All I really need is… He's all mine. So tell me why I'm so lost baby, of something I already have?"

– Insecure : Nikki Flores

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Dear Kurt,

I have to say that spending our whole spring vacation together had to be the best thing of my life. Honestly, I loved every minute of it, with you. And I am very happy that you made it to my annual family party this afternoon. Although, the events of tonight were a little different than I thought they were going to go, I still had a wonderful night. But there are few things I would like to go over with you.

One, James means N-O-T-H-I-N-G to me and you mean everything.

And two, I want you to know that you are the most beautiful man I have ever known. No, you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Out of all my seventeen years of my life. Out of all the men and women that I have laid my eyes on, you, yes you, are the most attractive, beautiful man. I want you to know that you are amazing. You are perfect. Absolutely perfect. Perfect to me.

And if you believe that I could do better then you or that I'm out of your league, then you are wrong. Oh, so wrong. Because for one, you are completely out of my league. You are everything I hoped and could have asked for. And I believe that we are perfect for each other. You are like my other half. You complete me. When I am with you, I feel whole, complete, everything feels right when I am with you. It feels like all the pieces to a puzzle are placed in the right places. Our bodies are like puzzle pieces and when we are together the puzzle is complete. Like our hands. When our hands are together they fit perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle. Or when we lay together, like we did tonight, we are the perfect height that we fit together, just right. Your head fits perfectly in the crook of my neck, our bodies press together. My arms securely around your waist in the right place, as well as your arms around me. And don't forget our legs, intertwined together. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing will beat laying with you intertwined together.

You told me tonight that you are insanely insecure about yourself. Your body and everything else about you because you're being bullied at school. Kurt, for one thing, I am so grateful that you could finally open up to me about this and tell me everything. Oh darling, I know exactly how that is but I need you to stay strong, there are only two months left of senior year so don't let those assholes bring you down. Have courage and confidence, baby. Because you are beautiful and I love everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, oh how I love that mouth of yours. Your ears are absolutely adorable. Your hands. Your arms, legs. Your body is simply beautiful, amazing. You. Are. Beautiful.

Oh, and don't forget my other favorite parts about you, your personality. I love it so like I said before. You are everything I could have asked for and so much more. Seriously though, don't bring yourself down.

But if you have a hard day, remember that I am always here for you. I'll be here for you for as long as I can. Just don't forget that you have me.

Blaine

The purple blanket we sat on looked amazing against the thick green grass. I guess Blaine figured out that there would have been no way that I was going to sit in the grass with my designer jeans, which happen to be Alexander McQueen today. There would be no way in hell that would happen. I guess Blaine knows me better than I thought, even though we've only know each other for a short while.

I sat in between Blaine's legs, my back against his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist, locking me in place against him. Our hands were intertwined and laid on my stomach. My heart fluttered as he placed his head on my shoulder. I felt his curls brush against my cheek. Blaine left his hair curly for my benefit, because I love it so much. He let it be free even though his mother told him to clean up and look nice for his family.

Blaine's backyard was huge! Like who knows what they even do out here. Throw a family baseball game? Maybe it could even be a football game. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. I'm pretty sure that they have summer picnics and parties out here. It is spring and chilly out so I guess that why they are all inside having the party.

"You're beautiful in the sunlight," Blaine's breath tickled my neck. His voice breaking my train of thought. A smile grew on my face and I leaned into his chest in response. His grip around my waist tightened as he placed a soft kiss to the nape of my neck. My breath caught in my throat. Moving away shyly from his touch I giggled. I turned my head and placed a hand on the other side of his face and pulling him closer to mine. Proceeding with placing a soft kiss on his cheek. Pulling away his beautiful golden eyes met mine. His eyes examined my face, drinking in all my features. I began to feel self-conscious but for some odd reason I couldn't pull my eyes away from his face. His Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed hard and his eye filled with something I've never seen before.

"You're beautiful," he paused taking a breath. "All the time." My smiled grew wide.

He opened his mouth again to say something but I quickly silenced it with my own. A soft slow kiss, full of passion? Love? I slowly pulled away. Blaine's eyes were still closed and his mouth was slightly parted. I laughed internally at this site. How did I ever find someone so perfect? His eyes then fluttered open. He smiled his amazing million dollar smile and placed a light kiss on the tip of my nose and then on my lips.

I groaned in aggravation. Blaine looked confused. I know this whole kissing thing is new with us, but oh did I want more. I just want his lips on mine. I need this. I can't take it anymore. His lips just there, looking all kissable.

"Blaine," I started. My mind began to drift away from the fact that we were at Blaine's house, in his backyard. And that his whole family is inside the house. My mind filled with Blaine, just Blaine. I shifted my body to face him a little better, but my back was still against his chest. I placed my hand back on his face and pulled it close to mine. Centimeters away I looked in his eyes for answer, any answer. But his eyes were wide with confusion. So I just proceeded with my main thought. I placed my lips on to his and closed my eyes. I kissed his with passion and urgency. His lips were still at first frozen in place, but to my surprised he responded with as much want and need as I sent him.

Before I knew it, I was completely facing Blaine, straddling his lap. Both my hands on the side of face. His hands were locked tightly on my hip pulling me as close as can be, possibly even closer. One of my fingers brushed over his ear while the other ran up the side of his face into his curly hair. My fingers laced between his glorious dark curls getting tangled deep in them. Blaine's tongue ran across my upper lips, wanting, begging for an entrance. A shiver ran up my spine. I parted my lips only for Blaine to suck my bottom lip in-between his teeth and begin sucking lightly. I jumped in shock but instantly calmed down. I pulled my lip out from his teeth and kissed him full on. He moaned into my mouth. I fisted my hand in his dark curls and pulled him closer and deep as can be into my mouth. Blaine's hands ran up the sides of my back; only make me want him more.

"Hey! Keep it rated G out here! There are children at this party," Blaine's mother then yelled out the kitchen window. Her voice bringing me back to reality, I quickly pulled away from Blaine. Flying out of Blaine's lap, I sat on the far side on the blanket. Legs criss cross, hands folded in my lap, and eyes narrowed down on them. Heat rose in my cheeks. I heard Mrs. Anderson laughing from the window.

I feel so embarrassed. I can't believe I just acted that way. My first time at Blaine's house and I'm sucking his face off. Yes, I met his parents but I didn't want to make a bad impression on my second time spending time with them. All his family is here! What was I thinking! Oh, that's right, I wasn't. I'm so stupid.

Blaine touched my hip gently then brought his arm around my waist pulling my closer to him closing the space in-between us. He squeezed me against his side. A small smile appeared on my face. Even though I wasn't feeling like I should be smiling. But in his arms I felt safer than I've ever felt before and I love that I feel this way when I'm with him.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear, his lips brushing against it. "She's just messing with us. She loves you." He laughed a little then places a soft kiss on my cheek. I turned to face his.

"Blaine," I breathed. He looked at me his eyes listening. "Thanks for inviting me to your house. It was nice meeting your family. They are so loving and caring." Blaine smiled and placed a kiss on my nose.

"You're welcome. My family loves you by the way. They think you're perfect for me." I turned away and looked in to the distant backyard. Perfect? Yeah, right. Blaine pulled me closer to his side and placed a kiss right below my ear. I sighed internally.

"Yo, Anderson!" a voice called out. Glancing up I saw a boy about our age walking toward us. His dirty blonde hair was spiked in every direction. He wore his black jeans slightly baggy and a fitted green Hollister shirt. This guy seriously needs a makeover. Blaine bolted up next to me and dashed over to Blondie.

"James!" I heard Blaine say as they met in a fierce hug. I stood slowly. My whole body felt confused by the slight laid right in front of me. "What- ? How-? On my god," Blaine stammered over his words pulling out of the hug.

"My plane landed about an hour ago," James started. "Do you honestly think that I'd miss the annual Anderson spring party?"

Blaine laughed, "I can't believe you're here. I haven't seen you in almost a year."

"I know, I know. It been – uh crazy," James selected his words carefully watching Blaine's face.

"Yeah, I get you," Blaine responded patting James' shoulder. Silence remained between. I stood up brushing my jeans off and stood awkwardly off to the side of Blaine. I rubbed my wrist nervously; I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

James looked up at Blaine but his eyes quickly landed on mine. His eyes pierced through me and I shifted my body looking away.

"Who is this sexy fellow?" James' voice pulsed my ears. I swallowed hard before looking back up at him. Blaine became aware that James had spoken and turned to look at me. A smiled began building on to his face.

"This," Blaine wrapped an arm around my waist pulling into his side. "is my fabulous boyfriend, Kurt." Blaine kissed my cheek. Heat built up on to my face.

"Boyfriend, huh…" James eye trailed down my body and back up to my face. I dug into Blaine's side felling incredibly self- conscious and insecure. A smirk grew on James' face and leaned towards Blaine.

"He's cute," James whispered and winked at Blaine. I felt like I could have gagged. Blaine shook his head chuckled kissing my cheek again. I had enough.

"If you excuse me," I turned to Blaine. "I'm going to get a drink."

"Okay Love," Blaine said kissing my cheek once again.

Walking passed James I was very determined to bump in to him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to say sorry without punching him in the face. I don't know why I'm so fumed. When I made in back into the kitchen I was 100% ready just to leave this party without even Blaine noticing. Yes, I do know that I am being a little bit dramatic, but I don't care.

Shit, Blaine picked me up, I can't leave. I pondered over the possibilities of how to escape. But nothing seemed to be working out in my head. I couldn't call my dad, it was too much of a drive for him to come all the way out and pick me up. I knew that he would have done it, but I wouldn't want him to do that.

I could just start walking; I bet Blaine wouldn't even notice that I was gone. He'd be too absorbed by James to even care that I left. I paced the kitchen a few times. I'm so over dramatic, you know maybe I shouldn't have left them alone outside together.

"Oh hello Kurt," Mrs. Anderson walked in to the kitchen empty trays. "Do you think you can help carry a few of these trays on to the other room for me?" I nodded as she refilled the trays with more food. "Our family sure knows how to eat." she laughed. She smiled at me a heartwarming smile. I smiled back grabbing a couple trays and following her out of the kitchen to the dining room.

The room was filled with people talking and laughing with others. I met most of them before Blaine and I vacated the area moving to the backyard. But there were some people that I didn't recognize.

"Victoria!" someone yelled. I looked over at Mrs. Anderson, she placed the tray she was carrying down on the table and walked away to answer the call. I copied her, placing the tray I was holding down and then looked around the room.

I played with my fingers nervously. I don't belong here. I don't fit in. Without Blaine I'm nothing around his family.

"You must be Kurt," I jumped at the sound of this person's voice. There in front of me, stood an older short lady, probably the same age as Mrs. Anderson. She was thin, not model anorexic thin, but a prefect thin. She had golden eyes like Blaine. Her hair was long and curly but brown with a hint of red. Her skin was a perfect tan. You could tell it was natural and not some fake turn yourself orange tanning salon tan. And I felt jealous, I was jealous of her. She was absolutely gorgeous.

I nodded in response.

"I'm Lucy, Victoria's sister. Which makes me Blaine's aunt," she laughed holding out her hand. I took it lightly.

"Kurt," I responded even though she already knew my name.

"Blaine talks about you all the time," I gave her a confused look. Why is Blaine talking about me to other people? She must have read my facial expression and explained. "You see, Blaine and I are really close. He talks to me about everything. He doesn't tell people though. He's afraid people will laugh at him or something." she paused seeming lost in thought, just as much as I was.

"Anyway, Blaine is really fond of you. He really likes you." I nodded in acknowledgment, but rolled my eyes internally. Bullshit, like he cares. "I'm not- you know, he's been through a lot so, and you're good for him." I honestly didn't know what to say to this woman. Everything see said was so nice, I don't know. I smiled at her.

"Thank you," my voice was quite but it sounded convincingly enough.

"Oh Lucy! Is that you?" an older lady with insane wrinkles come and stood right next to me. I took this as my cue to leave.

"Excuse me, I must find a bathroom," I said added a smile. Lucy smiled and gave a slight nod, while the older lady stared at me giving me a 'who the hell are you look?'

Turning and walking away from them I slipped into the hallway. It was darker, cooler and quite. Leaning against the wall I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Kurt?" a voice called down the hall. I recognized it instantly. Blaine. My heart ached at his voice. Blaine's footsteps came closer, but my eyes remainder closed. I breathed through my nose a few times. My breathing stopped as I felt Blaine's fingertips brush over my fore arms. My pulse quickened and my eyes shot open. My eyes meeting Blaine's, a shadow glaze over his face.

"Hey," Blaine's breath washed over my face. I shivered. "What's wrong?" I turned my head away from him.

"Kurt, there's a reason you are standing in this dark hallway. What's wrong?" Blaine's hand landed on my cheek and his thumb race across my cheek. I pulled my face away from his touch, tears stung in my eyes. "I-uh, Kurt talk to me."

"I-I..." I couldn't tell him why I was mad. Okay not really mad but slightly annoyed. He doesn't deserve to worry about my self- consciousness. I turned back to him my eyes glazed with tears. I opened my mouth to tell a lie. "It's- uh noth- James." shit. My eyes went wide. That wasn't what was supposed to come out.

Shit.

My mouth was wide opened; I tried to come up with an excuse any cover to make Blaine forget about what I just said. But nothing came out, nothing but little gasps of breath. I moved out of Blaine's grasp attempting to turn away, but Blaine's hand trapped my wrist.

"Kurt," Blaine's voice was quite. I squeezed my eyes closed. "Come with me." I looked up at him. His eyes were on me, filled with concern and some pain. I couldn't say no to that face.

His grip on my wrist was light as he dragged me up the stairs and pulled me into a bedroom. Looking around, I found a book case that almost covered a whole wall filled with a million different books and dvds. A desk that was covered in papers. There was a guitar and a upright piano. The full size bed was made nicely covered with a greenish comforter that matched the color on the painted walls. The room was just so . . . Blaine.

Blaine let out a shaky breath. I turned and looked at him. His eye were on the ground as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Kurt," Blaine voice was soft. "James doesn't mean anything to me. He was – uh, he was the guy I took to the dance. The night I got beat up." Oh. "We've talked about what happened… He and I were pretty beat up, both were in the hospital a long time. He was in and out faster then me, but he's had a lot more therapy than I did. He was lucky in the face that he didn't break as much as I did. But I was lucky in how I wasn't as traumatized as he was." I took a deep breath, and averted my gaze anywhere but at Blaine.

"We've talked about the accident. And we never actually liked each other, we were just supporting each other by going. It just happened to end bad. Even if we did like each other, it wouldn't have worked out. He goes to a boarding school in London." I nodded still not looking at him.

"He has nothing on you. Trust me. You're perfect." Tears began building my eyes again. I am anything but perfect. "You are everything I ever wanted." A sob escaped my lips as I looked back up at him. His eyes were on my.

"I am nothing close to perfect," I spoke through my tears. Blaine stared at me astonished. "I am anything but. I fuck up everything, I can't do anything right. What I just did is complete proof of that. Blaine you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Blaine opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "But how, how can you be with something as ugly and repulsive as me, tell me. I'm a fuck up. Nobody would ever want me. I am nothing but a useless air breathing person. I don't deserve you." My vision was clouded from my tears.

Blaine's hands cupped my face brushing the tears away. His eyes came into my sight; they were filled with love and no judgment. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve him.

"Kurt, you are everything to me. You are fucking perfect. Everything I could have wanted is in you. It is you. People make mistakes, love. And that is okay, as long as you come and talk to me. Don't try and run away from your problems. I am here to help you through everything. Don't close down on me. I need you to breath and live." He placed a chaste kiss on to my lips. His eyes looked over my face, taking in my ugliness.

"You are the most beautiful person I know. Shh, don't tell my mom," Blaine joked with a wink. A laugh bubbled from my mouth. I sniffled. "I think everything about you is beautiful. Your eyes," Blaine placed a light kiss on each of my eyelids. "Your nose. Its oh so cute." He placed a kiss on my nose. "Your cheeks, how pink they get when I make you blush." Blush formed as he spoke. He chuckled and placed kiss on each cheek. He released his hands from my face. One hand wrapped around my waist pulling me close and the other found my free hand. "Your hands a gorgeous, they fit mine so well." He placed a kiss on my knuckle. "Your arms." Kiss. "You are beautiful. Your legs, torso, feet, hair, face. Everything."

"Blaine," I breathed out, but he cut me off.

"Your lips are beautiful too," He said and then his lips were on mine briefly. He pulled away with a slight chuckle. "Everything." he whispered.

I couldn't take it anymore. My hands found his face and I pulled him into another kiss. My tongue glazed over his upper lip. I wanted entrance and I wanted it now. Blaine's arms wrapped fully around me pulling me closer, but not too close. I moved a hand to the back of his neck, my fingers playing with the tiny hairs, pulling them slightly. Blaine moaned into my mouth. I ran my hand father into his hair and pulled it again.

One of Blaine's hands slide up my back pushing me into him, while the other slide into my butt pocket pressing lightly. I jumped surprised but continued to kiss him hungrily. I darted my tongue into his mouth. I felt heat fill my body as our tongues fought against each other.

I pulled away with a slight giggle and kiss his swollen wet lips chastely. His hair was tousled in the cutest way. He raised an eyebrow at me before shaking his head slightly.

Next thing I knew Blaine picked me up and threw me on to the bed. He climbed on top of me and placed is lips back on mine.

We spent the rest of the night, lying together wrapped in each other's arms stealing a few kissing now and then. We talked about everything (my insecurities' and his. Bullying and family.) and also talked about a whole bunch of nothing. But it was perfect and Blaine made me feel like I was everything.