April 1, 2012, 7:25 p.m.
We'll Go On: Chapter 1
T - Words: 3,344 - Last Updated: Apr 01, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 3/3 - Created: Apr 01, 2012 - Updated: Apr 01, 2012 445 0 1 0 0
Ain't falling apart, or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember...
We'll go on surviving...
Just wanna say
I got you
...
Blaine sat, staring blankly at the papers in front of him, aimlessly thumbing the edge of his textbook.
"Blaine?" Nick asked, entering their room with several of the other Warblers. When the boy did not respond, Nick leaned close. "Blaine!"
"What?" Blaine shouted, startled, slipping to the edge of his chair. He looked around, eyes wide, to see the other boys snickering. His gaze rested on Nick, and he shot his roommate a glare.
"You were daydreaming again," Nick said nonchalantly, shrugging.
"Has he been doing that a lot?" David asked, plopping himself onto Blaine's bed.
"Every day this week," Nick supplied.
"That's odd, isn't it?" Trent queried, joining David on the bed.
"Only when he gets a dopey smile on his face," Nick teased with a smirk.
"When does that happen?" David questioned.
"All the time," Nick said dramatically, rolling his eyes.
"Guys, I'm right here," Blaine interjected, glaring at them all in turn.
"So?" David taunted. Blaine turned his full attention to the boy, trying his best to look stern. David merely laughed and Blaine huffed, annoyed. The room fell silent.
"So, what's got you so preoccupied?" Wes asked gently, having stepped into the room and giving the other boys a look.
"Nothing," Blaine answered quickly.
"Really?" Wes prodded, disbelief written on his expression. Blaine looked at him, shook his head minutely, and diverted his attention.
"I've noticed he doesn't seem to space out as much when he's around Kurt," Nick offered, which earned him another stern look from Blaine. David stifled another chuckle.
"Everything's okay, right? Kurt's okay?" Trent asked, concerned.
"He's fine," Blaine answered, smiling gratefully at the other boy. Trent sighed his relief.
"He seems happy in practice," Wes observed. "And he's killing me in French." Blaine smiled at that, remembering Kurt excitedly practicing French during their study session yesterday-the way his hands moved when he spoke, and how the foreign words flowed smoothly and effortlessly from the other boy, sounding like music.
"And there he goes again," Nick said, gesturing at Blaine's goofy expression. His hand on the boy's shoulder startled Blaine out of his momentary reverie.
"I think he's in love," David sing-songed cheerily. Blaine ducked his head.
"Oh my God, ask him out already," Nick declared loudly. Blaine blushed, shaking his head, still at a loss for words.
"Okay, I think that's enough," Wes broke in, much to Blaine's relief. David and Nick managed to stifle their mirth, catching on to Blaine's distress.
"We were just going down to dinner," Trent added. "Come on." The boys shuffled out of the room, Blaine shutting the door behind them.
"You sure Kurt's okay?" Wes asked quietly, staying a few steps behind the other boys. Blaine nodded quickly. "And you?" Blaine turned his head, looking intently at the older boy.
"I'm just glad he's happy," he revealed, his smile growing wider. "He's amazing."
"You really should ask him out," Wes advised gently, though they had already discussed this.
Blaine shook his head. "Not yet. I'm-," Blaine broke off, looking away. Wes halted their steps with a hand on Blaine's arm. The other boys continued on, oblivious.
"You know, you're pretty amazing too," Wes said, offering an encouraging smile. Blaine looked at him doubtfully and Wes sighed. The younger boy had changed a lot since he first came to Dalton-had become comfortable around everyone and popular, had relished performing, and took both praise and teasing with grace-but it was all a cover. Wes had hoped it would eventually become more akin to a second skin, that the comfort, safety, and praise would bleed into Blaine's actual being. However, that did not seem to be the case, and Wes had noticed that the shell Blaine had encased himself in had begun cracking ever since Kurt came into his life. Wes was not sure if it was a good or bad thing.
The older boy wrapped an arm around Blaine's shoulders, smiling cheerfully. Either way, he wanted to let Blaine know they were all here for him. When Blaine looked at him quizzically, Wes laughed and pulled him down the corridor.
"Come on, otherwise there won't be anything left for us."
...
"Does it feel like a cage to you?"
Blaine blinked, looking up and focusing on the boy sitting on the other side of the bed. "What?"
"Dalton," Kurt elaborated, eyes curious. "Does it feel like a cage to you?" Blaine set his book on his lap, taking a deep breath before answering.
"Sometimes, but in a good way."
"How?"
"It keeps me safe," Blaine revealed. "I don't have to worry so much when I'm here." Kurt nodded, accepting the vague answer, but his eyes held onto his curiosity and Blaine struggled to speak.
No words came, and Blaine stared at his textbook. He tensed at the images that assaulted his memory, at the feelings that weaved their way back into his brain. Kurt shuffled his notes, setting them aside, and scooted closer to Blaine so they were both leaning against the wall. Blaine only spared him a momentary glance. Kurt reached for Blaine's hand. Blaine focused his attention on the way Kurt's fingers slid between his, the way the contact comforted him. It was new, having someone he could touch and not worry what the other person might think, and he found himself craving it, especially with Kurt.
"I'm sorry," Kurt said quietly. Blaine's gaze darted back to Kurt.
"For what?"
"For asking," Kurt replied, looking apologetically at the other boy. "I didn't mean to make you sad."
Blaine shook his head, asserting, "You didn't." Kurt was not convinced. "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"I-," Blaine started, but again fell silent. He closed his eyes against the images, taking slow deep breaths to keep from panicking. He forced the images and feelings away, anger fueling his determination. He thought he had dealt with his past, but he'd had a hard time lately, keeping his mind from wandering back. And he had found himself alternately daydreaming about Kurt. He thought it must be his subconscious' way of distracting himself from the unpleasant memories. Shaking his head a bit, he opened his eyes, only to realize that he had clutched Kurt's fingers tightly with his own and that Kurt was running his other hand over his arm. He loosened his fingers in an attempt to remove his hand, but Kurt did not let him go.
"Sorry," Blaine mumbled, not daring to look up.
"You've been quiet lately. You okay?" Kurt asked kindly, his hand still moving up and down Blaine's arm. Blaine found it immeasurably comforting, but stayed silent. "You know you can tell me anything, right? You practically know everything about me. And you've seen me at my worst."
"I know," Blaine managed, his voice rough.
"But knowing isn't always enough, is it?" Blaine looked at Kurt finally, looked at his understanding expression and his bright eyes. Kurt lifted his hand from Blaine's arm and tentatively ran his fingers along the other boy's temple. "Just don't let it control you, the fear or sadness or whatever's going on in there," Kurt said gently. Blaine's eyes stung, tears clouding his vision. The care and tenderness he felt when Kurt's fingers ghosted across his skin left Blaine overwhelmed. He blinked and let out a sigh, breaking the intimate moment. He twisted a bit and laid his head on Kurt's shoulder, wanting the closeness but needing to hide his tears. Kurt squeezed his hand when Blaine took a shaky breath.
"I won't," he whispered.
"Good. I just found you. And I'm not letting anyone or anything take you away."
...
"Congratulations on getting to Regionals, by the way. The Warblers are good," Will said, turning his now empty coffee cup in his hands.
"You too," Kurt replied cautiously, sensing his old teacher's hesitance. "Has Rachel gotten over the fact that she didn't get a solo?" he inquired, trying to inject some humor into their conversation. Will chuckled, shaking his head.
They sat in silence for a moment, Kurt sipping at the remainder of his coffee. Will glanced around the empty dining hall again, still taking in the ornate room and school that Kurt now attended.
"You sure you don't want to come teach here?" Kurt said with a smirk. Will laughed again, settling his attention back on the teenager sitting across from him.
"You've grown a lot." Will paused, assessing his former student. "You've always been mature for your age, but I don't feel like I'm talking to a student anymore."
"Thanks," Kurt replied uncertainly, the word coming out more a question than anything. Will looked at the boy intently.
"I'm not sure it's a good thing either," the man said wryly. "The reasons why sure weren't."
"I've gone through some things," Kurt said vaguely, his expression no longer mirthful.
"Most of which, someone your age should never have to experience," Will added ruefully.
"Probably not," Kurt agreed somberly. Will was surprised the young man's expression held no pain or bitterness.
"You look good, Kurt. Happy," Will commented.
"I am," the young man confirmed after a beat, offering a genuine smile. Silence again fell on the pair as Will again watched Kurt comfortably sipping at his drink. The teacher gripped his cup and cleared his throat.
"I should get going." Will stood, and Kurt following easily, slipping his school bag onto his shoulder.
"I'll walk you out," Kurt offered. Will nodded his thanks and the two headed out of the room and down the hall toward the main entrance. Will turned as they approached the front doors and pulled Kurt into a hug. The young man took a moment to respond, but Will sighed when he felt arms wrap around him in return. Will pulled away soon after.
"I'm glad you're okay," Will said seriously. Kurt's surprised expression turned grateful, his eyes shimmering. "Thanks for the gift advice. Happy Holidays."
Will opened the door and jogged down the steps. When he looked back, Kurt waved and offered a wide smile, which caused him to smile just as widely in return. Taking a deep breath and feeling a sudden sense of relief, the teacher turned back toward the parking lot.
...
"Blaine?" Kurt asked, standing in the doorway. Blaine looked up, smiling brightly.
"Kurt, really, the door's open. You don't have to ask." Blaine stood, smile still in place, and Kurt couldn't help smiling in return. Kurt stepped into the room and, dropping his bag on the floor, sat on the edge of Blaine's bed. The other boy joined him, their shoulders bumping.
"Where's Nick?"
"Probably off plotting new ways to hide my hair gel," Blaine joked. Kurt smirked.
"Maybe I should go help."
"Hey!" Blaine exclaimed indignantly, though his smile contradicted his tone. Kurt chuckled, amused by the other boy's happy mood. Blaine laughed quietly, self-consciously running a hand over his hair. "What?" Blaine asked when he looked back up to find Kurt staring at him with a pleased expression.
"You're in a good mood," Kurt said honestly. Blaine tilted his head, his expression indiscernible. "Things are better?" Kurt inquired gently, hoping Blaine's renewed enthusiasm remained. Blaine nodded, though his smile felt a bit forced. He forced his more maudlin thoughts of late out of his mind.
"I'm excited about the duet," Blaine said, hoping Kurt would not realize he had ignored the other boy's question. He grabbed the sheet music that lay on the floor and flipped through the pages absently.
"Can I come watch you perform?" Kurt's shy question drew Blaine's attention back to the other boy. Blaine swallowed, his newfound happiness morphing into nervousness.
"You want to come?" Blaine asked incredulously.
"Of course," Kurt answered nonchalantly, though he sensed Blaine's sudden uncertainty. "Why wouldn't I?" he inquired quizzically. When Blaine did not answer, he continued, "When is it?"
"Next Thursday," Blaine replied after a beat. "The concert starts at 7, but there are activities all day."
"I bet I can get Finn to come. And Mercedes." Kurt said, his own excitement building. His smile faltered though, when he looked at Blaine's worried expression. "What's wrong? Do you not want me to come?"
"No!" Blaine said loudly, placing his hand on Kurt's arm. "I mean, yes-," Blaine trailed off, clearly frustrated. He took a deep breath. "I'd love for you to come."
"Then, what?" Kurt prodded further, not entirely convinced.
"I-," Blaine started, his thoughts jumbling under Kurt's gaze. He huffed in frustration, staring at the sheet music in his lap, his normally calm and confident aura all but gone. Kurt had that effect on him.
"Hey," Kurt prompted gently, concerned by the disappearance of the other boy's usual demeanor and eloquence, as well as his recent cheerfulness. "You're not nervous, are you?" Kurt asked kindly.
"Maybe a little," Blaine replied, not looking at Kurt. Kurt assessed the other boy, doubting his answer as he knew Blaine had performed enough that he was no longer bothered by stage fright.
Kurt didn't press though, instead opting to reassure, "I'm sure you'll be fine. You always are." Blaine looked up then, smiling wanly. "You sure it's okay if I come?"
Blaine nodded his head. "I'm sure."
"Good," Kurt said with a smirk, leaning close so that their shoulders were touching again. Blaine's smile grew, and Kurt adopted an air of superiority. "Because I might have to jump in if your duet partner turns out to be really bad."
...
"Kurt!" came the excited greeting as soon as Kurt picked up the call. He heard several other voices in the background.
"Mercedes," Kurt greeted back, laughter bubbling up at her cheerful mood. He stopped near the practice room, hearing the Warblers' muffled conversations through the closed door. "What's going on?"
"Tell him, tell him, tell him," Britney chanted in the background. Kurt heard laughter as Mercedes shushed the other girl. Kurt grinned, amused.
"You're not going to believe it," Mercedes said breathlessly. "Artie can walk!"
"What?" Kurt asked in disbelief, dropping onto the armchair by the hall window.
"Well, not on his own. But he's got this machine thing that helps him walk," Mercedes rushed to explain.
"Wow," Kurt said quietly, though a smile graced his lips. He was vaguely aware of Trent waving as he passed by.
"Yeah," Mercedes agreed. "When are you coming home?"
"Friday night, why?"
"We're all going to Breadstix. And then caroling," Mercedes said enthusiastically.
"Friday dinner, Mercedes," Kurt said, his tone serious now. Aside from Blaine, Mercedes was his only other friend who knew the significance of the meal.
"Finn already talked to your dad. You can go. Your dad and Finn's mom are going to come too."
"I'm not sure," Kurt said, still reluctant. There was a muffled noise over the line and Kurt waited.
"Dude, it's cool," Finn's voice came over the line. "Burt thought it'd be good to get out, seeing as we'll be home all next week. He was talking about your 'before Christmas dinners' but I wasn't really paying attention. What's that all about?"
"I'll tell you later," Kurt responded, not wanting to get into it as he had practice in a few minutes.
"Cool. I'm still picking you up Friday, right?"
"Yes, Finn. Call me when you leave Lima."
"Yeah, sure."
"Tell Artie I can't wait to see him walk."
...
"Are you heading out tomorrow?" Kurt asked as he and Blaine left Warbler practice.
"No," Blaine said as they headed down the hall toward the dorms. "I'm staying until the King's Island gig, then I'll head home." Kurt pace faltered, making Blaine stop and turn a concerned look his way. Some of the other Warblers moved around them, but neither boy acknowledged them.
"That's on Thursday," Kurt said, confusion evident.
"Yes," Blaine confirmed, letting the word out slowly, his expression matching Kurt's.
"Everyone's leaving sometime this weekend," Kurt stated.
"Yeah. So?" Blaine asked, still perplexed.
"Blaine," Kurt said seriously.
"Kurt," Blaine replied, his tone a mix of curiosity and amusement.
"You're going to be here alone," Kurt emphasized the last word.
"Some of the staff will be here," Blaine supplied, still oblivious to Kurt's thinking.
"That's not the same," Kurt said, his expression filled with concern. Blaine smiled fondly at the other boy, hefted his bag higher onto his shoulder, and tugged on Kurt's sleeve. They resumed their trek through the halls. Kurt kept his gaze on Blaine, worry emanating from his entire being. Blaine spared a sideways glance when they had walked in silence for several moments.
"Kurt, don't look like that," Blaine pleaded lightly, offering another smile. "It's fine. I don't mind." Kurt shook his head.
"No, you're going to come home with me," Kurt said sternly. "I'll call my Dad. I'm sure it will be fine."
"It's not necessary, really," Blaine said sincerely.
"It's Christmas," Kurt stated adamantly.
"Not technically until Saturday," Blaine quipped.
"Blaine," Kurt chastised. Blaine sighed, coming to a halt in front of Kurt's room.
"Why is this bothering you?"
"Because it's Christmas," Kurt said, frustrated, gesturing for emphasis. "Because you shouldn't be alone. Because something's been bothering you and I'm worried about you."
Blaine's expression shifted from aggravation to chagrin. He stepped closer to Kurt, but his gaze fell to the other boy's tie.
"You don't have to worry," Blaine said quietly. He took a deep breath and met Kurt's wide concerned eyes, offering a brief but appreciative smile. "I'm fine," he added bracingly. Doubt flickered across Kurt's eyes before his expression softened and he smiled briefly.
"I do anyway." Blaine's gaze flitted away again and he gripped the strap of his school bag. Kurt tried to alleviate the other boy's discomfort with his next words. "It'll be fun. We're going to get a tree this weekend and decorate it. There's midnight shopping for last minute gifts. And I make a great low-fat, non-alcoholic egg nog."
Blaine's eyes returned to Kurt's, amusement spreading across his face. Encouraged, Kurt continued, "Besides, if you come, you'd be a huge help. There's a lot to do, like putting up the lights, which I am sure Dad hasn't done yet. And shoveling snow." Blaine quirked an eyebrow at that and Kurt rushed to add, "You know, if it actually snows. And I can always use a hand in the kitchen."
Blaine chuckled wryly at the last statement before saying, "I'm not sure you'd want me in the kitchen." Kurt waved off the comment, smirking.
"Still, anytime I don't have to shovel snow is a win." Blaine gifted him with a smile then, and Kurt grinned in response, knowing he had swayed the other boy with his ridiculous argument. "And New Directions is going caroling this weekend," Kurt added enticingly. Kurt looked at the other boy expectantly.
"Okay," Blaine relented with a mock-exasperated sigh. Kurt clapped his hands together.
"It'll be fun," Kurt repeated, reaching for Blaine's hand. "I promise," he added, his tone turning serious.
Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand and smiled wistfully, "It always is with you."
...
"Hello?"
"Hey, Dad," Kurt greeted over the phone.
"Hey, kiddo. How you doing? Everything okay?" Kurt stifled the urge to make a snarky comeback, knowing his father still worried.
"Everything's fine."
"Well, good," Burt said, though his tone held some doubt. "You all set to head back up here tomorrow?"
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Kurt prefaced, pacing his room. Burt remained silent, so Kurt took a deep breath and continued, "Can Blaine stay with us until Thursday?"
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Burt said after a beat.
"Why not?" Kurt asked, stopping in the middle of his room.
"You like him."
Kurt took a deep breath before responding, "This isn't about that."
"Really?" Burt asked, disbelief coloring his tone.
"Yes."
"So, what's it about?"
"He-," Kurt started, gesturing uselessly with his hand. He dropped onto his bed. "He's going to stay at Dalton otherwise. He says he doesn't mind, but he'll be alone for like 5 days."
"Why isn't he going home sooner?" Burt's tone was curious, concerned.
"He didn't say, and I didn't want to press," Kurt said with a sigh. "But I don't think he should be alone."
"Kurt, is everything okay with Blaine?" Burt asked, worry lacing the question.
"I just don't want him to be alone. It's Christmas." Silence hovered between them for a few seconds as Kurt gripped the phone.
"Okay," Burt relented. "He's got to stay on the couch though."
"That's fine," Kurt said, letting out a sigh. "Thank you," he added emphatically.
"I'm sure Blaine's fine," Burt assured gently. "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No. Maybe. I don't know. I just worry."
"You usually do," Burt agreed.
"Thanks, Dad," Kurt shot back, feigning annoyance.
"Eh," Burt said humorously, "You know it's true." Kurt could not argue with that.
"Can you tell Finn he doesn't have to pick me up? Blaine can drive us."
"Yeah. See you tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you too, Dad."
Comments
NOOOOO! I wanted to see what was bothering Blaine!! Great story though, well done :)