~~~

So, it seemed that they were pretending nothing had happened. They had never kissed nor fought nor fallen in love. Blaine had never professed his love for Kurt, had never told Kurt to marry Erik. Kurt had never asked for a reason not to marry Erik, had never been jealous to see Blaine with Sebastian. Blaine would pretend he didn't know that Kurt was hurt and Kurt would pretend he wasn't. It should have been harder, really, to slip back into their old routine. Yet, as Blaine and Kurt always did, they made it work. Against all odds and defying all logic, they became friends again.

It was odd, to be sure, that they both knew more about the other than they were letting on. Other people (their friends included) might find it strange that could be just friends considering all they'd been through. But, the fact of the matter was: they may have grown apart and they may have fought and they may both have been struggling with unresolved feelings of love and anger and resentment, but, when it came to the important things, they hadn't changed at all since the day they first met. Blaine was still the nervous, eager freshman looking for love and destiny and Kurt was still the wide-eyed, beautiful boy in his music theory class. On the most fundamental level, at their cores, their truest selves, they were the same. Blaine still believed in fate and soul mates so strongly and Kurt still wished he could believe the way Blaine did.

They were both bound and determined to make a friendship work because neither could accept the alternative: a life without the other.

~~~

Kurt thought it was incredibly stupid. Stupid and unfair and pointless and bound for disaster. Remember the last time we were friends? he wanted to shout at Blaine. Remember all the times we got hurt and hurt other people? Remember how it blew up in our faces? But he held his tongue. He had, after all, been the one to ask to be friends in the first place. No matter how enthusiastically Rachel and Quinn and Drew responded to the new friendship, Kurt had trouble finding the same enthusiasm.

He didn't want to be friends with Blaine, not just friends at least. Sure, he wanted to be able to call Blaine for no reason, just to hear his voice. He wanted to send Blaine random texts throughout the week about fashion crimes and funny commercials whenever he pleased, without it being inappropriate or strange. He wanted to make Blaine laugh and to sing duets with him and talk to him about their futures and their pasts and their secrets. But, he knew, as much as they could do all of that, it would be so much better if they could do more. If they weren't just friends, Kurt could call Blaine for no reason, just to hear his voice, and tell Blaine he loved him. He could send Blaine romantic texts throughout the week, along with random ones. He could tickle Blaine and sing cheesy duets with him and talk to them about their future together and their shared past. More than that, Kurt could kiss Blaine and slow dance with him, he could compliment his eyes and his voice and his laugh and not worry about what it would mean or how it would sound. But, as it was, Kurt couldn't really be himself with Blaine, not fully. Because if he could, there was no way Kurt would let a day go by without kissing Blaine silly, without telling him how the sun rose and set with him, without promising to spend forever with him.

Kurt wanted so much more, but he knew he couldn't have it. Blaine really loved Sebastian; as heart-breaking as it was for Kurt to realize, it was true. So, he accepted his horribly cruel fate and cherished every moment he had with Blaine, even if the reality of their friendship could never compare with what Kurt imagined they could have; even if it reminded Kurt of just why he loved Blaine so very much; even if it broke Kurt's heart a little more every day.

Kurt would cope with the bittersweet feelings and the unrequited affection and the melodrama of it all. Blaine was worth it, that much he knew. He had always been and would always be worth it.

~~~

"So, Kurt said he didn't want to come? That doesn't sound like him." Rachel called through the curtain as she squeezed into a hot pink dress. "Have you ever known him to turn down shopping?" She asked. Quinn chuckled in response and, when Rachel stepped out of the dressing room, she burst into loud laughter, clutching her stomach and falling back against the wall.

"Oh, thank you. I needed that," she said after she had recovered, wiping the amused tears from her eyes.

Rachel had agreed to try on the ugliest dress she could find because Quinn needed a pick-me-up. She had called her parents to discuss the wedding and, from what Rachel could hear as she eavesdropped, it hadn't gone well. Quinn's relationship with her parents had always been complicated, so it really was no surprise. Still, Quinn needed a good laugh, and Rachel in a hideous dress was exactly the cure to her bad mood. Rachel went back behind the curtain to try on other dresses, ones that they were actually considering for the bridesmaids now, and Quinn said, "I think he's with Blaine. In which case, it sounds just like him."

Rachel laughed and zipped up a dark blue, strapless dress and went out to show Quinn.

Quinn shrugged, "It's all right..."

"Not perfect, though, I agree." Rachel said resolutely and went back to change. "Don't you think it's weird though?" She said as she took the dress off. "They're not dating, but they're clearly in love. And Blaine's with that tall, snarky guy."

"Sebastian is a sweetheart," Quinn said, laughing. "But he's not Kurt. And Blaine's going to realize that one day."

Rachel came out wearing a yellow dress that did not compliment her coloring and both girls made faces at the gown, clearly not a candidate. "I'm just worried about Kurt," Rachel said as she pulled up the dress, trying to see if it would be better shorter. "I don't want him to get hurt again."

Quinn sighed, "I don't either. But, I know Blaine and I just..." she hesitated, trying to find the words to describe it. "I think Kurt might get hurt. Again. And Blaine might get hurt and Sebastian will definitely get hurt, probably...unfortunately." Rachel pulled a face so Quinn said, "Rachel, be nice. You don't have to root for him, but he is a good guy." Rachel rolled her eyes and went back to the dressing room to change into her normal clothes. Quinn continued, "As I was saying, they'll all probably get hurt along the way. That's what happens with love stories like theirs. But I just feel like they're going to end up together. I don't know why, it just feels right."

Rachel pulled the curtain aside and threw all of the dresses into Quinn's outstretched arms, "Like you and Dre-ew?" She asked, adding an extra syllable to his name in an annoying, sing-song voice.

"Yeah, like me and Drew," Quinn said, nodding, purposely ignoring Rachel's sass. "And like you and Finn," she added softly. Rachel's face went more somber in response and she nodded sadly.

"I guess for both their sakes, and for mine," Rachel said with a sigh, "I hope you're right." Quinn put the rejected dresses in a pile by the door and she reached a hand up to pat Rachel's arm.

"I am right," she said with a small smile. "You'll see."

~~~

The best intentions and fiercest optimism couldn't stop their first attempt at friendship from being weird. They had agreed to have a Molly Ringwald marathon at Kurt's apartment - Rachel would be at rehearsal all day - the Saturday after they had reconciled, pledging to be friends again. They decided that Blaine would bring the movies and Kurt would supply the snacks and drinks and magazines, and they both were more excited than they cared to admit. When Kurt heard the buzzer signaling Blaine's arrival, his heart sped up and he felt the long-dormant butterflies in his stomach fly around in a flurry. He buzzed Blaine up with a laugh and, when Blaine knocked on the door, Kurt nearly dropped the popcorn bowl he was holding. He shook his head, chastising himself for his silliness, and let Blaine in. They hugged and it was wonderful, but different, too, less open and more inhibited than their last embrace.

They exchanged "how are you's" and found that they were both giggly and nervous, unaccustomed to each other's company after so long. Blaine followed Kurt into the kitchen to get drinks and, as Kurt got cups from the cupboard and Blaine got ice from the freezer, Kurt scolded himself for his nerves, this is Blaine.

So, when they stepped into the living room and Blaine put in Pretty in Pink, Kurt forced himself to stop acting like a fool. When Andrew McCarthy appeared on screen, Kurt said the first thing that came to mind, "Ah, the first Blaine I ever loved."

Blaine choked on his popcorn and Kurt blushed scarlet, cursing his mouth for letting him say such a stupid thing.

Blaine started to laugh and said, "I guess you were doomed then." Kurt glanced at Blaine to see that he, too, was blushing, but smiling, as well. They laughed together for a while and Kurt threw a few pieces of popcorn at Blaine. Just like that, as oddly as ever, the ice was broken and slowly but surely they felt themselves going back to normal. Or, as normal as they could hope to be.

They gushed over Andie and Duckie and Blane and, about halfway through the movie, they were so caught up in enthusiastic conversation that Rachel, finished with rehearsal early, made her way through the kitchen and living room, singing loudly to herself, and they didn't even notice. Rachel stood, amused, and watched as they argued about the best song of the year, laughing and feigning outrage at each other's opinions. She smiled as she saw how happy Kurt looked, how easily they had returned to their old friendship. Rachel made her way to her room, singing again, and thought that maybe it was time she picked up the phone and gave Finn a call.

~~~

"Guys! Guys! Over here!" Drew waved his arms around dramatically and whistled a bit until Rachel tapped Quinn on the shoulder and she turned, smiling and laughing at Drew's expression. They made their way over to his table, hands full of shopping bags and Drew greeted Rachel with a hug and Quinn with a kiss.

After a long day of dress shopping, Drew had offered to treat the girls to coffee, so they met him at his favorite shop. He went to the counter to place their orders and Rachel smiled at Quinn, "So...you were right. Drew is really great." Quinn cheered quietly and Rachel rolled her eyes with a smile.

"What? You never tell me I'm right. I have to celebrate every little victory," Quinn replied with a smirk.

Drew returned, coffees in hand and asked, "Do I even want to know what's in the bags?" Both girls laughed and Rachel started showing off their purchases, random odds and ends and the cutest pair of shoes Rachel had ever seen and a sweater that really brought out the green in Quinn's eyes. Her enthusiasm spread and soon, Quinn was describing all the hideous dresses they saw and forcing Drew to smell the candle they bought. Always a good sport, Drew ooh-ed and ahh-ed and complimented where necessary, thrilled to see Quinn so happy, reunited with her best friend.

They sat talking long after their coffees were gone and, after reading a vague text from Blaine, Drew asked, "So, what's the deal with Kurt and Blaine?"

Rachel and Quinn exchanged a significant look and Quinn said, "We have no idea."

None of their friends could really understand what Kurt and Blaine were up to. They were all cautiously optimistic, but feared for the worst: broken hearts and silent treatments and nasty fights.

"I've never really understood them, but this?" Drew said with a laugh, "This is weird even for them. I'm all for being friends..." he hesitated and said, his concern clear in his eyes, "I'm just really worried that it's more complicated then they realize."

Rachel nodded her agreement and said, "Exes always try to be friends, but it never works. Or, well, they're not exes but...yeah, it's weird." Quinn and Drew laughed.

"I think you're both wrong, " Quinn said with a smile. "I think it's sweet." Rachel scoffed and Drew gave Quinn a doubting look, so she went on, "Oh, please. I'm looking at two of the most hopeless of hopeless romantics and you're telling me you're not hoping they'll get together?" At that, they both seemed speechless, so Quinn nodded. "That's what I thought. Weird or not, they're doing what they have to do. They'll figure it out."

Drew grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. "You're such a softie," he said proudly and she laughed. "I just hope they're careful. Sebastian doesn't deserve anything fishy."

Quinn ignored Rachel's irritated glare in response and she agreed, "You're right. We'll just have to make sure to look out for him, that's all."

Rachel scoffed and, as put-upon as could be, asked, "And when exactly do I get to meet this Sebastian?"

"Right now, I'd say."

Rachel shrieked and turned around to see Sebastian and Blaine, smiles on their faces, each with a cup of coffee in hand, and Kurt standing a few steps behind them, looking a bit less happy and a bit more conflicted. Quinn and Drew laughed as they all said their hello's and Sebastian and Rachel introduced themselves. Blaine and Sebastian didn't stay for long, they were headed to a movie apparently, but Kurt pulled up a chair and joined his friends.

Once the couple was gone, Rachel and Quinn turned to Kurt immediately, asking him how on earth he ended up getting coffee with Blaine and Sebastian. Kurt explained that Sebastian had wanted to meet the "famous Kurt" and so he had met Kurt and Blaine at Blaine's apartment. They had spent a few awkward hours playing cards and Kurt had found, sadly enough, that Sebastian wasn't the terrible monster he had been imagining. He was, instead, a perfectly normal, and very attractive guy, who just happened to be in love with the same boy as Kurt. He wasn't the enemy or nemesis Kurt had imagined; not a villain at all, just the hero of a different story.

"I'm just glad they're gone," he said honestly. "I had no idea..." he trailed off, looking at his coffee mug, ignoring the three sets of curious eyes on him, "I didn't know how much it hurt. To see the person you love with someone else." He sighed sadly, "I can't believe I put Blaine through that for so long."

He looked up and found Drew shaking his head adamantly, "He put himself through it, Kurt. He knew it was worth it." Kurt shook his head unconvinced and Rachel, always good at distracting him, took that as a cue to change the subject.

Rachel described the countless dresses she tried on and made Kurt promise that, next time, he would come with them and save them from the agony of lime green princess cuts and polka-dotted monstrosities. In no time, Kurt was laughing and joking with Quinn and Rachel about what he would force both of them to wear for his wedding one day and he didn't notice Drew's watchful, concerned eyes on him.

Drew's loyalty lay with Blaine, to be sure, but he was fond of Kurt, too. Maybe he had been so worried about Sebastian's well being that he had forgotten how being in a similar position as Kurt was in now had nearly broken Blaine years before. He remembered the nights he spent helping Blaine try to forget, the nights he realized Blaine never would. He remembered how his heart had broken for his best friend and, as he looked at Kurt, he was afraid that history was repeating itself.

~~~

But love's not lost
Just on its way
As I watch the night turn into day
With you

~~~

After a couple of months of being once again in the same city, Kurt and Blaine found themselves falling into a new routine, or an old one. They got coffee together once a week, just like old times, and gossiped and laughed and talked about anything they could think up. They stole glances over cups of coffee and did their best to refrain from discussing some topics that they both understood to be taboo: namely, Erik and the past and the memories of kissing and spending hours together in the practice room. As long as they never strayed too close to sensitive issues, they found that it really was like nothing had changed since their freshman year. Sometimes, Drew would join them or Rachel or Quinn would accompany them. But, usually, Blaine and Kurt found themselves sitting alone, at what the affectionately called "their table," catching each other up on the many months of funny stories and scary interviews and little, ordinary details of everyday life they had missed in their period of silence.

One day, the week after Thanksgiving, as Blaine tried and failed to split a cookie evenly in half, Kurt looked up, a glint in his eye and said, "I want you to give me a tour of the city."

Blaine handed him the half-crumbled piece of cookie that was supposed to be a half and raised his eyebrows, "And what brought on that sudden inspiration?"

Kurt munched on the cookie as he thought about his answer. He swallowed and, smiling at Blaine, said, "I've been here for three months now, but I'm still such a tourist." Blaine rolled his eyes, so Kurt elaborated, "Someone stopped me on the street yesterday and wanted advice about where to go for dinner and I froze! I had no idea what to tell them! So I pointed at a random restaurant and ran away!" Blaine laughed and Kurt pointed a finger at him, "So, you see? I need your help. Quite desperately."

Blaine continued to laugh and started to nod. "Okay," he said and Kurt smiled brightly. "How about this weekend sometime? Sebastian's out of town and Drew and Quinn are visiting Drew's parents, so we'll have our run of the city."

"Oh yeah?" Kurt asked with a raised eyebrow, and Blaine nodded enthusiastically. "So, just because our friends are gone, the other millions of people who live here will just let us do what we want?" Blaine rolled his eyes and Kurt smiled, finishing his cookie. He looked at Blaine and smiled, all teasing done, "This weekend sounds perfect."

So, as Blaine and Kurt went back to their separate apartments, they both had something to look forward to. Blaine began making a mental list of all the things Kurt needed to see and experience and eat. By the time the weekend rolled around, and Blaine said goodbye to Sebastian with a quick kiss on the cheek and Kurt hugged Quinn and waved to an antsy Drew, Blaine had the perfect evening planned.

First, Blaine took Kurt to his favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop for, what he called, the best espresso on the East Coast. He had tried to bring Drew there several times, but Drew said it reminded him of his disastrous summer trip to Tibet (a trip Blaine was pretty sure never actually happened), whatever that meant, so Blaine usually went there alone. As soon as the crossed the threshold into the shop, Kurt knew exactly why Blaine liked it. Sure, it was a bit dumpy and the couch cushions were quite literally falling apart. All the chairs were mismatched and looked as though they would break if you sat with enough force and the menu was barely legible and the staff shifty-eyed and strange; but, it had charm. There was something about the curtains hung everywhere and the old-fashioned portraits of dogs lining the walls and the softly playing 20's music and the smell of Christmas trees - none of it fit together, and yet it fit perfectly - that Kurt liked. Blaine looked at Kurt nervously, prepared for him to turn up his nose and beg Blaine to take him elsewhere, but he just smiled, as bright as ever, and said, "I love it." The espresso was delicious and they sang along to the music as they sat in the corner, enjoying every sip. Blaine was telling a story about a particularly talented student whose paper had inspired him, for some untouchable, unquantifiable reason, and Kurt was struck by how wonderful it would be to have a TA like Blaine.

"I bet you're wonderful at your job," he interrupted, and Blaine's brow furrowed, caught off-guard. "You're so willing to help others, to share your knowledge and personality. I'm sure your students love you. I know I would..." he trailed off, feeling embarrassed, and wondering if Blaine was thinking the same thing he was: Kurt did love him, that was the problem.

But, quite unexpectedly, Blaine reached over and squeezed Kurt's hand, paying no mind to Kurt's slip. "Thank you," he said, smiling a small, smile, his eyes lighting up beautifully.

A moment passed and another, and Blaine didn't let go of Kurt's hand. They sat like that, just looking at each other, smiling, caught up in the magic of the moment and the music and each other.

In an instant, Blaine's expression changed from loving to cold, and he dropped Kurt's hand, avoiding his eye contact. He muttered an apology and started cleaning up their cups, getting ready to go.

"What's next?" Kurt asked, eager to wipe the coldness from Blaine's face. Blaine returned to the table, smiling as if nothing had happened, and led Kurt outside. They walked to Blaine's favorite park, the place he went to think or write or grade when he needed green space. It was a beautiful, although small, patch of earth, with a tired looking swing-set and a few benches that had seen better days. Kurt marveled at Blaine's ability to find places like this, places that other people would overlook as musty or overgrown, and treat them with awe and love and admiration. Blaine was incredible.

They walked over to the swing set and sat there for a while, Blaine describing the day that he had first found the park. He was new to the city and he was completely, hopelessly lost. His phone was dead and he was late to class and he had just about given up when a patch of green had caught his eye. He had wandered toward it and found the loveliest, smallest, most abandoned-looking park he had ever seen. "And from then on, it was my place," he said simply. He smiled at Kurt, the sight of Blaine's beautiful smile, surrounded by the lovely park with the sun setting in the background, was almost too much for Kurt to bear.

After a few more minutes, they left the park, Kurt sure that he would revisit it alone sometime soon, when he could appreciate it without being distracted by appreciating Blaine. Blaine hailed them a taxi and instructed the driver to "just drive in a big circle," which earned a disgruntled sigh in response. As the taxi made its way slowly down the street, Blaine described the area to Kurt. He told him that, if he walked five blocks in that direction, he would find the cutest bookstore he'd ever see. If he went four blocks up and then three to the right down that street, he could get the best cupcakes in New York. To the left he could walk and step into a wonderful Ethiopian restaurant and behind them was a great sushi place. If he wanted Mexican, the best place was actually right down the street from Rachel's apartment and the best Chinese was close to Blaine's. Kurt soaked it all in, taking every excuse to watch Blaine as he pointed out the window, caught up in imagining all the wonderful places he was describing. Kurt wasn't the only one sneaking glances, though. Whenever Kurt would look to where Blaine pointed, Blaine would watch the beautiful boy seated next to him, watch as his eyes lit up or his nose scrunched or he threw his head back in laughter.

Finally, when Blaine saw a road that clearly meant something to him, he told the driver to stop. He handed him a wad of cash yelling, "Keep the change!" and pulled Kurt out of the cab. They took a couple of left turns and Blaine stopped in front of a beautiful brick building.

"This is our second-to-final destination," he said, waving his arms dramatically, and led Kurt inside. It turned out to be a cozy French restaurant, where they split a few appetizers, neither caring to limit themselves to just one dish. The food was perfect, Kurt decided, and the music, beautiful and harmonious and French, didn't hurt either. Blaine had Kurt translate every song, and, after awhile, Kurt grew tired, so Blaine took over. He didn't know a word of French, but neither boy seemed to mind.

"Hmm..." he started, "that means my grizzly bear is looking rather thin, so I probably should so play tennis tomorrow with the mayor." Blaine paused, feigning serious contemplation and nodded, "Yeah, mayor. That word is tricky because it can mean mayor or mayonnaise. But I think, given the syntax, that it means mayor." Kurt smiled, crinkles forming around his eyes, as he held back laughter. "Oh, and he definitely just said something about peanut butter and sausage, which I must say is a very strange combination. But, I've heard," he gave Kurt a serious, sideways look as if sharing a secret, "that peanut-butter sausage is quite the delicacy in the Eastern part of France."

"They feed it to their thin grizzly bears," Kurt deadpanned, nodding and Blaine burst out laughing. Kurt couldn't help but join him and they sat, laughing, eyes bright and happy. When the bill came, Kurt insisted he pay, "You're the tour guide! The tour guide never pays." Blaine disagreed but Kurt assured him that that was the rule. When they stepped back into the cold, New York air, night had fallen. "Well, I don't know how you'll top that," Kurt said with a smile. "That may have been the best meal ever."

"Because of the music," Blaine said, nodding.

"Because of the music, " Kurt smiled.

"I did save the best for last though," Blaine said with a mysterious grin, and lead Kurt back in the direction they came. He lead Kurt to a train station, where they waited and whispered fashion tips to passing travelers, too quiet for anyone but the two of them to hear. After a bit of a wait, they took a train headed somewhere, Kurt wasn't sure where, and Blaine pointed him to the map on the side of the train-car. Blaine showed him approximately the path they had taken so far, on foot and in cab, and showed him where they were going, on the outskirts of the city.

The exited the train at a deserted-looking stop (Kurt would expect nothing less), and made their way toward an old building covered in moss. "One of New York's best kept secrets," Blaine said with a wink, as he held up his school ID to a sensor by the door. Kurt followed him, intrigued and excited, and watched as Blaine signed them into a log book and nodded at a sleepy looking security guard. "Evening, Rex," Blaine said with a smile. Of course he would know the security guard, Kurt thought, with equal love and disbelief.

"Mr. Anderson," the guard nodded in return and Kurt gave him a quick wave as Blaine led him toward a flight of stairs. They took flight after flight and, just when Kurt was sure his hair was completely ruined and that his breathing couldn't get more ragged, they reached the top floor. Blaine held open the door and, as Kurt stepped through he couldn't help but gasp. There was New York, all of it, lit up and on display for them to see. They were on the top of the building, which, Blaine explained, was a rarely used office for some faction of his department. Blaine had after hours access, as all graduate students did, but he was one of the few who used it.

Kurt walked around, exploring the roof, and marveled at the beautiful view. Only Blaine could find a place where they could see the whole skyline, the entire beauty of the city, without the hustle and bustle. Blaine threw Kurt a blanket he must have left somewhere and Kurt wrapped it around his shoulders. Blaine led him over to a set of lawn chairs that had, according to Blaine, been there for months. They each took a chair to the far end of the roof and sat, side-by-side, watching the lights, watching each other.

"Best tour ever," Kurt said, looking over at Blaine with a smile on his face and, though Kurt could barely tell in the darkness, Blaine seemed to blush.

They sat and talked, Kurt asked Blaine to tell him about Sebastian and Blaine asked after Erik in turn. They approached all the topics they avoided over their weekly coffee. For some reason, maybe the magic of the tour or the darkness or solitude or surreality of the moment, they didn't feel tense or uncomfortable. They talked and talked and talked and time flew, as it always seemed to when they were together. Before they knew it, the endless darkness started to brighten and the streetlights began to blink off one by one. Kurt yawned, which caused Blaine to yawn in return, and they started to move their fingers and toes, nearly frozen in the chilly air. Neither boy seemed eager to leave the roof, as if going down the stairs was symbolic of returning to reality, to their complicated lives and loves and pasts. They stalled as much as they could, but, eventually everything must end, and so did their night.

They caught a deserted train back into the city and they walked back to Kurt's apartment. Kurt made up a bed for Blaine on the couch and reluctantly retired to his cold bed, alone. Exhausted and barely thawed, both Blaine and Kurt lay in bed, unable to sleep despite their tiring day. Their minds were filled with thoughts of each other, of hands held and secrets told and memories made; and of another life too, of kisses and touches and their life in Evanston and who they used to be.

When they met, back before things got complicated and messy and life became, well, life, neither boy had ever imagined how convoluted things would become. They knew they couldn't go back, even though both had wished for a fresh start many times in the past months. They would never again be the wide-eyed, inexperienced boys who bonded over music theory and Katy Perry and Broadway. They could never recapture that innocence, that newness. But, for the first time in years, as Blaine and Kurt finally drifted off to sleep, neither boy wished for the past, for an undo button or a retry. Something was happening to them, between them, and they didn't understand it, but they knew it was inevitable. And they were both very curious to see how it all panned out.

~~~

"I want to meet Kurt." Blaine glanced at his boyfriend, shocked, sure that that was exactly the last thing he had been expecting would come from Sebastian's lips. There they had been, making dinner, as they did most nights, Sebastian boiling the water and Blaine chopping the vegetables. Blaine had been talking about something completely unrelated to Kurt, something about Pottery Barn, he was sure. But, Sebastian was known to get lost in his thoughts, to say random things at random times, and this was no exception.

"What?" Sebastian asked, as he saw Blaine's surprised face. "You've told me so much about him. He was your first love. That's kind of a big deal," he said with a smile. "And if he's back in your life, then I think I should at least be able to put a face to the name."

It made sense, really. Kurt had only been in the city for a little over a month, but already, he and Blaine were starting to rekindle their friendship. After their Molly Ringwald marathon, they moved on to musicals and Disney and Audrey Hepburn, eager for any excuse to spend time getting to know each other again. He didn't want to bore Sebastian with detail of Kurt's life and their new friendship, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. He shared stories of Kurt's sense of humor and his political opinions and his predictions for Oscar nominees. Sebastian was a good sport; he listened and laughed and wondered just what it was about this Kurt character that had won Blaine over, twice now.

Blaine set down the tomato he was about to chop and frowned, considering it. "Okay," he said after a minute, "I'd like that." Sebastian turned from the stove to smile at him and Blaine stepped forward to kiss him sweetly. "I'm sure he'll love you," Blaine said, making his way back to the cutting board. Sebastian shot him a doubting look and a raised eyebrow and Blaine laughed, "Okay, well, I hope he'll love you." Sebastian nodded and turned his attention back to the stove, humming quietly to himself.

What would Kurt think of Sebastian? Blaine wondered. For some reason, the idea of them meeting had never occurred to him. It wasn't weird to tell Sebastian about Kurt, but them meeting? Shaking hands and making small talk and trading fashion tips and embarrassing stories about Blaine? That would be weird. Fighting logic as usual, Blaine had imagined that he would continue to date Sebastian and be friends with Kurt, as if in two separate, independent realities. It made sense, though, that one day they were bound to meet. They were, after all, two of the most important people in Blaine's life.

Yet, it gave him an unsettling feeling that he couldn't name, the idea of Kurt and Sebastian together. He ignored it, returning to his tomato. No use dwelling on what hasn't happened, he reminded himself, and he began to hum, harmonizing with his boyfriend.

~~~

Taking the high road was always something in which Blaine prided himself. When morality came knocking, Blaine answered. Without fail he learned how to steel himself for heartbreak and agony and pain if it meant that others wouldn't have to. Blaine was used to making sacrifices and concessions and excuses for others, for people he loved. But, as the months passed and winter fell, Blaine found that he wasn't ascribing to his usual mantra of doing unto others as he wanted done unto him.

He couldn't help it. Ever since the night on the roof, he felt that he was caught in something a spell or a trance, from which he couldn't - and wasn't sure he wanted to - escape.

Kurt had this power of him, this uncanny ability to make him forget who he was and what he wanted and what he had promised to himself and to others. When he was with Kurt, he couldn't imagine how he was doing anything bad or hurtful or disloyal. It just felt so right that it couldn't possible be wrong. He wasn't betraying Sebastian, he was merely spending time with his friend. Sebastian had even given him his blessing, had told Blaine that what he was doing was good and loyal.

Sure, Blaine loved Kurt; but how could he not? They had been friends for years. They had been through so much together that even Sebastian couldn't fault him for sustaining a friendship with Kurt. He loved Kurt, yes, but not like he loved Sebastian. He assured himself that there was a huge difference, like the difference between night and day, good and bad, friendship and romance.

If only it were that simple.

When Blaine was honest with himself, he realized that he didn't have to kiss Kurt to be cheating on Sebastian. He realized that he was well on his way to having an emotional affair. And, on some level, he knew he was not okay with it. He knew it had to stop.

~~~

"I'm just saying, I don't think anyone can pull off a sweater with a reindeer on it, even if she is adorable or talented or whatever." Blaine laughed and Sebastian turned to smile at him, but saw that Blaine wasn't laughing at him. He was typing away on his phone, clearly unaware that Sebastian had even spoken.

"Maybe I should take a leaf out of her book and set it on fire!" Blaine made a noise of fake-understanding and Sebastian sighed. "Or I could steal it and cut a whole in it. Maybe she wouldn't notice if the reindeer was gone."

"Great idea," Blaine said, distracted.

"I know, right? You could help me break into her apartment. I never told you but I spent some time in jail before we met. Breaking and entering, setting fire to sweaters, murder, the usual stuff." Blaine nodded and Sebastian, slightly amused and mostly irritated, yelled, "OH MY GOD, THERE'S A REINDEER IN THE APARTMENT!" This got Blaine's attention and he finally looked up from his phone, alarmed and very confused.

"Do I need to take your phone away from you? Jeez, Blaine, I thought we were having a conversation..." he trailed off and Blaine had the decency to look guilty and put his phone down for good.

"I'm sorry, it's just Kurt's live-texting me about the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries. You should read his texts, they're really funny.''

"Of course they are," Sebastian said in a low, nasty voice and Blaine gave him a confused look.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "You seem particularly irritable today."

Sebastian huffed in response and raised his an eyebrow, "Seriously? What's wrong with me? I'm not the one who's too busy texting another guy to talk to his boyfriend. I'm not the one who'd rather be somewhere else, with someone else."

Blaine's confusion grew and his expression turned more sour, "What are you talking about? Somewhere else? Someone else? I don't know wha-"

"There's something going on with you and Kurt!" Sebastian cried, cutting Blaine off, his eyes hurt and angry. Blaine took a step back as if he had been slapped, his eyes widening. He started to shake his head and Sebastian laughed, loud and mean. "I should have known. I should have known you two couldn't be friends."

"But we are!" Blaine said, face pleading, reaching his hand to grab Sebastian's, "We're just fri-"

"Don't you dare," Sebastian interrupted, moving his hand away from Blaine's. "Don't you dare say you're just friends. You loved him once, we both know you did. You told me all about it, remember?" Blaine looked down, rubbing his rejected hand. "That he was this great love, that you thought he was your soul mate." Sebastian's voice cracked and he sighed, dropping his voice to something less confrontation, more sad and quiet, more vulnerable. "So, who's to say that really went away? Who's to say you don't love him now?"

Blaine stood there, speechless and Sebastian sat on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. His anger was gone as quickly as it came, replaced with insecurity, sadness, fear. "I don't know what to say, " Blaine said, feeling useless and lost as he watched the boy he loved, knowing he had caused him such pain.

"Neither do I," Sebastian said with a sigh. "I think we need to take a break." Blaine began to disagree, but Sebastian looked up at him and said, "Listen: I love you. I want to be with you. But I don't want to be with someone who's in love with someone else. Even if he loves me, too." Blaine nodded and it was his turn to look miserable. "So, I want you to take some time, as much as you need, and think about us. And think about Kurt. Would you do that for me?"

Sebastian looked so broken, that Blaine felt even worse as he looked into the beautiful boy's eyes, recognizing every flicker of despair and regret and hurt. "Of course I will. Anything for you." Sebastian smiled sadly and Blaine rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. They sat like that for awhile and then, when Sebastian was ready, he placed a kiss on Blaine's cheek and was gone.