~~~

Kurt Hummel decided that he needed to stop making plans. Whenever he planned, he got ahead of himself and his world came crashing down around him.

In the last few years, he had learned that, in spite of the best of plans, he had no idea what he was doing, what he wanted, or what the future would bring.

As he sat across from Erik, he thought back over the past few months and wondered. If he had thought about it a few months ago, what would he have anticipated would happen? Did he really think that he and Erik would get married one day? That Blaine would come back to be Erik's best man, as promised, and watch as Kurt promised his life to someone else? Did he truly believe that he and Erik were soul mates; destined to be together? Did he even believe in that stuff anymore? The stuff of fairy tales and daydreams? The stuff that Blaine always tried to convince them was real?

When he was a kid, it had seemed so simple. Of course princes could marry other princes. Of course he had a soul mate and a destiny and a fate. Of course they would be impossibly, hopelessly in love and live happily ever after. Why wouldn't they? When he was younger and unaware of the intricacies of love and life in the real world, he had never doubted any of it. As time went by, however, he was faced with the harsh realities of adolescence and then adulthood: the loneliness and the heartache, the strings attached to every feeling and the consequences of every action. Kurt found that the messy bits were a lot messier than he had ever imagined.

But, when had he stopped believing? When had true love become a myth and not a goal? When had finding a soul mate gone from a dream for the future to the punch line of a joke (usually at the expense of Blaine, the perpetual believer)?

Maybe it was when he fell in love with his boyfriend's best friend. Maybe it was when he broke his best friend's heart. Maybe it was when he realized that love wasn't as simple as the stories and movies make it seem. Maybe it was when he realized how much love could make him hurt and cry and ache. Maybe it was when Blaine had left him in the practice room or when he had told him to marry Erik or when he walked away, to New York, gone for good.

All Kurt knew was that his six-year old self would have been very disappointed. When had he lost his way? When had he stopped listening to that young, hopeful voice in his head? When had the voice disappeared entirely, apparently sick of being ignored?

Kurt couldn't help but wonder: if he had kept believing, held onto the ideals of destiny and "meant to be," would he still have found himself in this mess? Could he have prevented it? Or was it inevitable? Would he still have found himself in this very room, with this very boy sitting across from him, professing his sorrow, begging for his understanding?

Maybe six-year old Kurt and all the fairy tales and love songs - and Blaine, too - were right all along. Maybe it was all real, that destiny crap. Maybe it just wasn't real for Kurt and Erik. It hit him like a punch to the stomach, and in an instant, he knew it was true. He could feel it spread to his every pore until it was a part of him, until it encompassed his whole being. All at once, he knew it to be truer anything. The sky is blue and the grass is green, he thought. My name is Kurt Hummel and your name is Erik Boden. We are not, nor have we ever been, meant to be together.

Thoughts flooded Kurt's head as Erik sat, tears in his eyes, gripping Kurt's hands harder than he realized, repeating the same three words over and over.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

~~~

11:01PM From Kurt to Blaine: This might be a bad idea, but I really need someone right now. I know we haven't talked in ages...but I could really use a friend.
11:02PM From Kurt to Blaine: It's pretty important. Like, on the scale of one to important it's way past important. Sorry. I'm rambling. I'll stop.
Missed Call from Kurt at 11:04PM
11:05PM From Kurt to Blaine: It would really help to hear your voice. Or even get a text.
11:10PM From Kurt to Blaine: Please.

Sebastian rolled over in bed as Blaine's phone buzzed a fifth time, the vibrations amplified by the nightstand. "Hon, it's your phone again," he sat up and called to Blaine, who was trying desperately to raise one eyebrow at a time as he brushed his teeth. Blaine stepped into the door frame and said something in return, but his response was muffled by the toothpaste in his mouth, so unintelligible that Sebastian fell back onto the bed, his laughter filling the room. He clutched his stomach as Blaine rolled his eyes and finished brushing his teeth.

"Oh, you're hilarious," Blaine said with a fake scowl.

"No, Blaine. You are," Sebastian retorted and continued to laugh as Blaine made a face at him and began to floss.

"I was asking, can you check my phone, please?"

Sebastian nodded and sat up again. He reached across Blaine's side - he still couldn't believe they had their own sides of the bed; he slept on the left and Blaine on the right, alternating who got to be the big spoon, feeling very much like an old married couple in only the best ways - and grabbed the phone. As Blaine watched from the door, Sebastian's eyebrows shot up and his eyes filled with a mix of confusion and concern. "Um...Blaine," he hesitated and Blaine walked toward him, matching concern showing on his face. "It's Kurt."

~~~

Quinn Fabray had never been a fan of weddings. While other girls dreamed of puffy white dresses and multilayer cakes and bridesmaids and flowers, she had rolled her eyes and, to be honest, judged them. She had never needed a man to complete her. She was complete on her own, thank you very much. She wasn't looking for her better half or missing puzzle piece or soul mate. She was perfectly okay just as she was: alone.

And then, she met Drew Cassidy He had been exactly what she needed, and exactly what she had never thought to imagine. He wasn't her better half and he didn't complete her; she wouldn't turn her back on those core ideals. But, she had to admit, he complimented her quite nicely. Her hand fit in his and his laugh sounded perfect when mixed with hers. He made her laugh in spite of any anger or fear or sadness she felt. He made her feel happy and loved and just better; better than she felt without him. So, the prospect of spending the rest of her life with Drew was enough to inspire girlish daydreams.

Quinn was never sure if she wanted to get married until, in an instant, she knew: of course she did. If it meant calling herself Mrs. Cassidy and coming home to Drew's smiling face every day, if it promised a partner and a conspirator and a best friend, Quinn couldn't think of anything she wanted more.

Once she got to thinking about it - and imagining dresses and first dances and honeymoons - Quinn realized that maybe weddings weren't so bad after all. And, okay, maybe she had always secretly imagined a winter wedding, with snow swirling outside and candles on every surface and love keeping her warm. Drew was eager to be married - he had taken to telling random strangers on the subway and in parks and in restaurants that he was engaged to the greatest woman in the world, much to Quinn's amusement - and told Quinn that she could pick the date, as long as he still got to keep his pick for a bride. Quinn decided on a January, a month of promises and new beginnings and fresh starts.

Drew had made his most important decision already - besides the bride, of course - and had asked Blaine to be his best man. The day he and Quinn had returned from the beach house, he had asked Blaine to join him for a cup of coffee at their favorite cafe near their apartment. Blaine had been concerned and confused - wasn't coffee in their apartment fancy enough? - but had been dragged along by an oddly nervous, enthusiastic Drew. Drew had proceeded to drop his spoon three times while attempting to stir his coffee, had accidentally thrown his scone at Blaine while gesticulating and tripped over a nearby chair on his way to get napkins. Blaine had sat, bewildered, unable to keep himself from laughing as his best friend made a complete idiot of himself for no apparent reason. Finally, after thirty minutes of strange formality, Drew had looked at Blaine and said, "Blaine Anderson, you are the greatest friend I have ever had. I couldn't imagine my life without you." Blaine began to laugh, but Drew continued, "Will you do me the honor of being my best man?" Blaine smiled widely as he continued to laugh, nodding his head. Drew had then, in typical Drew fashion, jumped out of his seat to do a victory lap around the table and pull Blaine in for a bear hug.

Blaine continued to laugh as he said, "You sounded like you were going to propose." Drew had then thrown the rest of scone at Blaine, on purpose this time.

"I was just being proper. It's a big deal to me!" he said grumpily, crossing his arms.
Blaine smiled sincerely and replied, "It's a big deal to me, too, Drew. Thank you." At this, Drew dropped the faux attitude and smiled widely.

"I was nervous!" he cried and Blaine laughed at him, again. "I'm kind of over the top, aren't I?" he asked with a smile, and laughed along with Blaine. He was marrying the girl of his dreams and his best friend would be at his side every step of the way. Drew couldn't understand how he deserved such happiness, but he had learned not to question it, not to jinx it, but to go with the flow.

Now, weeks later, Quinn was still without a maid of honor. She knew exactly who she wanted: her closest friend, her karaoke partner and former roommate. The only problem was, they hadn't spoken in months over something so stupid and trivial, that Quinn couldn't even remember it. She was sure she would though, and she couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone and find out.

Finally, after Blaine sat her down and threatened to ask Mrs. Rellins, their batty upstairs neighbor, to be Quinn's maid of honor, Quinn went to her speed dial and called the person she hadn't spoken to in months: Rachel Berry.

~~~

"He's the best guy I know," Blaine said as he filled up a cup of water for Quinn. She smiled sweetly and thanked him, and Blaine wondered if she was nervous. Quinn and Drew had only been dating for a few weeks when Blaine decided it was time he sit the pretty blonde down and give her the customary best friend talk. It seemed odd, given that they had become close friends just as Quinn and Drew had fallen in love. But still, Blaine believed in the tradition of the thing. He knew that Drew would do the same for him. So, he accepted his duty and invited Quinn to hang out while Drew was at a poetry club meeting. Quinn had seemed a bit reluctant at first, confused by Blaine's sudden desire for alone time, but had eventually agreed.

"I'd say it's a tie for me," Quinn replied, twirling her straw in her glass. "Between you and him." She met Blaine's smiling eyes and her smile grew, "It's true. When I met you two, I didn't really have any friends left. You two took me in, made me feel like I had a family again. You deserve the same happiness he does." Blaine frowned, confused so Quinn added, "I know you think Drew is a great guy, and I won't disagree with that, but I worry that you don't realize how great you are. How much you deserve, too."

Blaine smiled again, smaller this time. "You're too sweet -" he started.

Quinn interrupted, grinning, "This is what I'm talking about!" She laughed, "You're too modest! I'm not too sweet. Listen, Blaine," she said, dropping her voice to a more serious tone, "Drew told me a bit about what happened to you in college. That you and your best friend loved the same guy and you walked away, you were the bigger person. And if I didn't already like you, I sure did when I learned that. I've never been good at sharing or being the bigger person when it comes to guys, so kudos to you." Blaine smiled a bit bigger, as Quinn said, "But I think it's time you let yourself be happy. Drew..." she took a drink of her water and smiled, picturing her crazy, wonderful boyfriend. "He makes me so happy, Blaine. So happy. And we both really want that for you."

Blaine reached across the table to squeeze Quinn's hand in thanks, "If you're not too sweet, then you're the absolutely perfect amount of sweet."

"I'll accept that," she said with a laugh.

A few minutes later, Blaine, remembering the motivation for their little date, said, "Oh, and you know if you hurt Drew, I'll have to kill you...right?" He smirked at Quinn and she laughed in response.

"I would expect nothing less."

~~~

"You can talk to him if you want. I trust you," Sebastian said, watching Blaine stare at his screen.

Blaine cleared his throat and shook his head a bit, "I don't want to talk to him." Sebastian frowned and began to respond, but Blaine continued, "I care about him. Or cared. I don't know. But with me and Kurt..." he looked up from his phone to meet Sebastian's concerned gaze, "nothing is ever simple with us. I don't know that I trust myself to talk to him, to be honest."

Hurt flashed in Sebastian's eyes as he nodded. "Well...That's comforting," he said sarcastically.

Blaine sighed, placing his phone back on his nightstand and sat next to his boyfriend on the bed. He took Sebastian's hands in his own and said, "I love you. Don't ever forget that." Sebastian smiled a bit and Blaine went on, "But I loved Kurt, too." Sebastian nodded his understanding, squeezing Blaine's hands gently. "I haven't talked to him in months. And, I really think it's a can of worms I shouldn't open."

They were quiet for a bit and Sebastian dropped Blaine's hands to pull him into a hug, whispering, "I love you, too, you know." Blaine smiled and nodded into Sebastian's shoulder as he added, "But it's still pretty crappy to hear that you have confused feelings about your ex. Loving you doesn't change that."

Blaine pulled back to look at Sebastian as he said, "I'm sorry." Sebastian shrugged and Blaine leaned in to place a soft kiss on his cheek. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and began pressing buttons with a small smile on his face. "I'm deleting his texts. I'm not reading them, just deleting them."

"You don't have to-"

"I know," Blaine interrupted, bringing his eyes up to meet Sebastian's. "I want to. I want to show you what you mean to me. If this thing with Kurt hurts you, then I'll do whatever I can to make sure my feelings are completely gone. No can of worms to be opened. Okay?"

Sebastian smiled, a bigger, truer one this time, and held out his hand, "Phone." Blaine looked confused, but placed his phone in Sebastian's hand. "You can worry about that later," he said with a smirk. Blaine began to respond, but Sebastian leaned down and cut him off with a kiss. Blaine reached his hands to thread through Sebastian's hair, and Sebastian's cupped Blaine's cheek in his hand.

Blaine let himself get lost in Sebastian, but he couldn't ignore the feeling, like an itch in his brain, that he was doing something wrong. To ignore Kurt, to turn his back on him, it wasn't nice and it wasn't fair. But, in his heart of hearts, Blaine was afraid of what would happen, of what he would feel, if he let Kurt Hummel back into his life. So, he returned Sebastian's kisses with equal enthusiasm. They laughed between kisses, and Blaine's phone was left, forgotten, on the floor; Kurt's messages unopened.

~~~

Rachel Berry had always known she was extraordinary. If other people didn't see that, it was their loss (or so her dads would tell her). When she was in high school, glee club had been the perfect venue for showcasing her talent, the perfect stage on which she could shine. Rachel had gone to her first rehearsal expecting a lot of things: adoring fans and endless solos and trophies to line her walls, but what she had found was very different. Glee club hadn't been what she had expected, in good ways and in bad. It was where she fell in love and had her heart broken, made friends and made enemies, lost her voice and found it again. Years later, as she looked back on high school, she found that the trophies (well, trophy and participation ribbons), and the adoring fans (few and far between) and the endless solos (which were as wonderful as she had expected), weren't the things she cherished the most, weren't the things she remembered most about glee. Years later, as she sat in her apartment, the apartment she had shared with Quinn and then with Quinn and Finn and now occupied alone, she thought about her fourteen-year old freshman self and laughed. She was pretty extraordinary, yes, but ridiculous, too. After fights and competitions and drama, Rachel found that the most important things she had done with the New Directions weren't typical accomplishments, they were the friendships she had formed. And, somehow, she had let them slip out of her fingers.

Was she too competitive? Too much of a diva? Too self-centered and opinionated and polarizing? She didn't think so, but she knew some people, her best friends from glee club included, might disagree. Whatever the reason, Rachel hadn't lived up the promises she had made to her fellow singers; the promises to always stay in touch and remain loyal and honest and supportive, the promises to be friends forever and never go back to their days of sabotage and high school warfare. Quinn's phone call - that she ignored in an act of rebellion and defiance that had left her feeling quite immature - had reminded her of all the promises they had made and broken. Rachel guessed that setting Quinn's hair on fire wasn't fitting with promise of lifelong support and friendship. Where had they gone wrong?

Rachel moped around for a bit, but then, sick of feeling sorry for herself, picked up her phone. If she had learned anything in high school, and in glee club, it was that, while fourteen-year old Rachel had been extraordinary, she had also been lonely and selfish. The person she had become, with the help of Quinn and glee, was someone to make her dads proud, someone truly extraordinary. And it was time she became reacquainted with that version of herself. Kurt had called her just hours before and she and Finn had finally ended their five-month-long streak of not talking and Quinn was reaching out to her, too; these were all great signs of progress, of good things to come.

She dialed Quinn's number, smiling. She was bringing Old Rachel back.

~~~

Is your first love someone you can ever possibly forget? Can you ever hope to move on from the person who made you hope and feel and wish for the first time?

Happy ending or not, can you ever recover from your first fall, your first courtship, your first dream come true? Can you ever replicate those feelings of unadulterated optimism and fearless confidence? Do you ever really believe in love the same way you did the first time you felt it?

Blaine wanted to, so desperately. What he thought he could have with Kurt was extraordinary; but the reality was the life prevented it. He and Kurt had gone their separate ways, but when would their hearts catch up? No matter what he felt for Sebastian, no matter how wonderful it was to finally have love and affection returned in kind, he couldn't stop himself from comparing what he had with Sebastian to what he could have had with Kurt. He couldn't seem to forget the soaring feeling in the pit of his stomach that used to accompany every thought of Kurt. He wished he could feel that happiness, that uninhibited adoration for Sebastian; wished he could recreate the newness and the wonder of his feelings for Kurt. But, try as he might, he couldn't.

Was that inevitable? Was that what people meant when they said that you could never forget your first love? It comforted Blaine to think that maybe it was normal. Maybe it was just a symptom of young love, of naive hope and unreached dreams. But what if it wasn't? What if, for him, it was different? What if Kurt wasn't just his first love, but his greatest? What then? Blaine didn't know how to give himself to Sebastian completely when he couldn't stop dreaming of clear blue eyes and a beautiful smile and a high, flying voice. No matter how he tried, Blaine Anderson couldn't seem to escape thoughts of Kurt Hummel. And, in spite of his very real love for Sebastian, he was afraid that he never would.

~~~

Kurt wasn't typically a nervous person. He had been blessed with a natural confidence from birth. Sure, the bullies and the losses he suffered, the tears he shed and the fears he kept inside did nothing to encourage confidence; yet, by some miracle, Kurt had always believed in himself. Maybe it was due to his father, who always made it clear how wonderful he thought Kurt was. Or maybe it was singing, something Kurt could always use as a release and a creative outlet, something he would always be good at. It was a combination of things, to be sure. Regardless, Kurt lived his life with a minimal amount of nervousness. Starting college was scary, sure, but he knew he could do it.

So, he wasn't sure why, as he found himself waiting on a bench in the park, looking around for his date, he was so terribly, out of his mind nervous. Honestly, he would have expected this kind of nervousness if his date at been Blaine...Don't think about him, he told himself. You're friends, remember? Erik was better for him, he decided. More confident himself, more bold and more open, easier to read. With Erik, Kurt could at least begin to know what to expect - unlike the ever mysterious Blaine, who Kurt was sure he would never understand - so he knew that their date would go smoothly. And yet, he found his hands were sweating and his heart was racing as Erik Boden strolled into the park. He looked dashing in a fitted red sweater and dark wash jeans and he was carrying a bouquet of roses for Kurt. Kurt stood up as his date arrived, blushing as he accepted the roses and the two made their way to dinner.

Across the park, Blaine watched, feeling extraordinarily creepy. You're the one who "set them up," he reminded himself, You're allowed to check up on them. He couldn't deny, however, that most matchmakers didn't get sick to their stomachs as the couple they put together laughed and flirted. Most matchmakers rooted for dates to go well and for chemistry to prevail and for conversation to flow. So Blaine, the atypical matchmaker, forced himself to retire to his dorm and busy himself with studying. Try as he might, he couldn't stop wondering where they were and what they were doing and how it was going. He wondered what he had just set in motion, if this date would be the first of many. He imagined what he would have done differently if it was his and Kurt's first date. He would have gotten wildflowers, for one. Roses were too clich� and ordinary; and Kurt was far too extraordinary for roses.

~~~

After what felt like days, Erik finally stopped apologizing. They both stopped crying and they sat, holding hands, as if letting go of each other was somehow symbolic of something bigger, something permanent.

Kurt found his voice and asked, in a small, sad voice, "Why?" And they both started crying again.

Over the last few months, Kurt had heard more stories about the now-infamous Dave than he could count. He had gathered that Dave was funny and kind, smart and reserved. He had a big heart and a belief that while you can't change the past, you are foolish if you don't learn from it. Kurt had met Dave on several occasions, sharing hand shakes and then hugs, exchanging embarrassing stories and nearly-faded memories. Kurt understood what Erik saw in Dave: he really seemed to be a good guy, a great friend. Kurt knew that Dave had filled the void in Erik's life that Blaine had left, and it made him happy. He breathed easier, slept sounder knowing his fianc�e had a best friend again. But he didn't ever guess, he never could have anticipated, that Erik and Dave would fall in love.

Erik composed himself first, and while silent tears fell down Kurt's face, he tried his best to explain.

His eyes were red, full of hurt and regret and sadness, and his face stained with tears as he said, "I didn't plan on it, Kurt. You have to believe me." Kurt held back a sob and Erik squeezed his hand tightly as he said, "I love you so much." Erik's voice broke and he began to cry again. He struggled through the tears, "I always have, and I probably always will." Erik stopped, as if speaking the words was too much to handle. They sat, crying and holding hands, until Erik was ready to continue. "I will always love you, Kurt," he said, stronger this time. "But Dave..." Kurt let out a sob he had been holding back as Erik said Dave's name. Erik cringed and said, "I can't explain it, or rationalize it. But, Kurt...he feels like home."

Kurt nodded and let more tears fall as he saw flashes of bow ties and practice rooms and music theory class; flashes of Blaine. He knew exactly what Erik meant, how a person could feel like home.

"It makes me sadder and more sorry than I have ever been," Erik said, his voice soft and slow. "I wish we could be it for each other, you know?" Kurt nodded sadly, dropping his gaze to look at their intertwined fingers and Erik continued, "I really thought we were. I thought we would be together forever and that made me so, so happy." Erik smiled, and it was possibly the saddest smile Kurt had ever seen. "I didn't want this," he said, as he began to cry again. Kurt reached a hand up to cup Erik's face, meeting his sad eyes. Eventually, his tears slowed and he went on, his voice a bit stronger, "But, I think the problem is: you can't fight fate. Isn't that what Blaine always told us?"

Fate. What a strange and silly word. A word Blaine had thrown around and used as much as "cute" and "beautiful" and "wow." Had they ever known anyone to believe in fate as much as Blaine?

Erik saw the pain in Kurt's face and he lowered his voice again, "We never believed him. We wrote it off as cheesy and childish and foolish, but maybe he was right all along." Erik laughed a ghost of a laugh, "Maybe he knew something we didn't."

Didn't he though? Hadn't Blaine always understood love and friendship and life better than them? Hadn't he always been the hopeful one, the selfless one, the dreamer, the believer, the lover?

"Kurt...please believe me when I say this: all I want is for you to be happy. I just know that I can never give you the happiness you deserve." Erik sighed, and it was so broken and full of pain that, if Kurt's heart hadn't already been broken, that sound would have done him in. Erik continued, his voice and face displaying the devastation that consumed them both, "You deserve so much. I just want you to find it,"

What if he already had? What if he had found it and let it go, with a broken heart and crushed spirit, halfway across the country?

Erik found Kurt's eyes and squeezed his hands as he said, softly, "I want you to find someone who makes you feel the way Dave makes me feel. That's all I want."

Kurt nodded and, as his tears began to fall faster again, he squeezed Erik's hands one last time before letting them go.

~~~

"Kurt Hummel, what do you think about love?" Rachel pointed her bedazzled microphone toward her best friend and, in her best announcer voice, said, "Our viewers are dying to know."

Kurt rolled his eyes into the camera, "We don't have viewers, Rachel."

Rachel was filming some sort of documentary or class project or video to post on YouTube; to be honest, Kurt hadn't really been listening when he agreed to participate. Rachel was just being typical Rachel, eager and bubbly and overachieving; trying desperately to be unique and spectacular. Kurt thought that she was already one of a kind, but no matter how he tried to tell her that, Rachel felt she had something to prove. So, Kurt and Rachel sat on her bed - Quinn had flat-out refused to help this time - and Rachel concluded her interview with a question about love.

Rachel scoffed at Kurt's attitude and pushed the microphone closer to his mouth. "Fine, fine," he said, raising his hands in defeat. "What do I think about love?" He repeated, looking to the side to glance out of Rachel's bedroom window. He and Quinn and Rachel had spent many a slumber party talking about boys and boys and more boys, but Kurt never took it too seriously. That wasn't love, he knew. Love was something more special, something unique and life changing.

"I remember the way my dad used to look at my mom," Kurt started in a soft, wistful voice and Rachel zoomed in to get a close-up. "I remember how he made her laugh and smile and how they slow-danced in the kitchen and how they kissed each other hello and goodbye every day. That's the kind of love I want." Kurt turned his eyes back to the camera and went on, his voice a bit stronger, "Not the 'let's date for three weeks and call it love' love, not the high school melodrama or the 'isn't he so cute, if I stare at him every day does that mean I love him?' love. I want real love. Like your dads have, like Fred and Ginger and Ross and Rachel and Lucy and Ricardo had. Like my parents had." Kurt looked down at his hands and smiled, remembering the love that filled his childhood home, the love that affected everything within reach, the love that could have moved mountains, that changed lives.

He raised his gaze back to the camera and said, "I know I won't find it here, in Podunk, Ohio." Rachel giggled and Kurt smiled. "But one day, I will. Both of us will. And, no matter how long it takes, it will be worth the wait." He nodded and smiled at the camera as he finished, "That's what I think about love." Rachel turned off her flip-camera and gave Kurt a standing ovation.

~~~

It was a typical Thursday as Blaine made his way to class. He was the TA for an introductory Journalism class that met Tuesdays and Thursdays and, every morning, he left early to pick up an extra-large coffee on his way, knowing that he would need the caffeine to deal with the over-eager college freshman. He stopped at Java Lava, the closest coffee shop to the lecture hall and took his place in line. He was contemplating the relative merits of scones and muffins when a flash of blue caught his eye. He turned and his breath caught in his throat, his heart truly seeming to skip a beat as he locked eyes with the last person he was expecting to see: Kurt.

Kurt didn't seem so shocked to see him, though, and as he came closer to Blaine, and Blaine's heart rate and breathing continued to speed up, Blaine really began to panic. He had ignored Kurt's calls and texts, so what does Kurt do? Accost him in a coffee shop hundreds of miles from home, naturally. Of course. Not weird at all. Blaine tried to compose himself, tried to act natural and calm and collected and then, he looked up again, and Kurt had passed him. He had looked right through him! He had gone to stand at the back of the line and now he was hugging some small Chinese woman and kiss-

Oh. It wasn't Kurt. Cheeks flushed and heart calming down slightly, Blaine stepped up to the counter and ordered a cranberry scone with his coffee. On his way out the door, he let his eyes linger on the Kurt look-a-like and realized, with something that felt an awful lot like disappointment, that the man looked nothing like Kurt.

So, it appeared, Blaine was losing his mind. It was not in any way normal or acceptable to think that every tall, blue-eyed man was Kurt Hummel. Kurt was in Chicago, for Pete's sake, engaged to one of Blaine's best friends. He didn't belong in Blaine's life, imaginary or otherwise, and he certainly didn't belong in Blaine's heart. With shame, Blaine realized how truly crushed he was that the man wasn't Kurt. It made him sick in the stomach to realize how, in spite of his body's panicked reaction, he missed Kurt. He missed his voice and his laugh and his smile. He missed the way he scrunched up his nose when he was thinking or furrowed his brow when he listened to a complicated song, trying to arrange it in his head. He missed everything about Kurt, he realized; the good things and the bad things. He should have been relieved that the stranger wasn't Kurt, walking around with an extra skip in his step, but instead, he was sulking, irritated with his mind for play tricks on him and his heart for holding out hope and with Kurt for not being in New York and for not loving him and for everything.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had finally found a love that could be returned, and now he was plagued with thoughts of the beautiful, heart-breaking boy who stole his heart for the first time. It wasn't fair that all he saw of Kurt was in his imagination and in his dreams and in strangers in coffee shops. It wasn't fair that he missed Kurt. It wasn't fair that he couldn't just move on, couldn't just banish Kurt from his heart forever.

Blaine made it to class early and took his usual spot in the back of the lecture hall. He watched the students trickle in, full of energy and passion, hopefulness and excitement. They were in New York, a place where dreams came true. They were optimistic and full of life. They were just like Blaine had been years ago, before Kurt Hummel. He wished he could warn them, as he wished he could warn his younger self. Life is a bitch, he would say. Happiness is never without consequence and just when you think you find it, the rug gets pulled out from under you, he would add. And, he would conclude, stupidly enough, it's all worth it. All the pain and sadness and anger and frustration and hopelessness is all worth it, if you find the right person to share it with.

~~~

"Flight 227 to Newark now boarding. Passengers, please have your boarding passes ready."

Kurt glanced around him one last time, sure he was forgetting something. He had his carry-on bag and his copy of the latest Vogue and a Columbia application to keep him busy on the flight. He had said his goodbyes and returned his keys. He had ceremoniously (if a bit melodramatically) thrown his engagement ring into Lake Michigan and then called his best friend. Rachel had been shocked and thrilled to hear from him and gladly offered her spare bedroom until he could find a more permanent arrangement. Quinn was surprised to learn of his breakup, giddy with news of her new engagement, and excited that they would finally be back in the same city.

For the first time in what felt like years, Kurt found himself smiling a genuine, cheerful grin. He was doing it. He was chasing his dreams. He was moving to New York and, come hell or high water, he was going to get Blaine to forgive him. He had messed it up more times than he could count, but no more. Blaine was his soul mate, his destiny, his everything. He was a shadow of who he use to be: the boy he was when he had Blaine at his side. Together, Kurt knew, they would be happy forever.

He couldn't believe it had taken him this ridiculous amount of metaphorical banging his head against a wall to realize what was so plainly obvious: he was and always would be in love with Blaine Anderson. Now it was finally time he did something about it.