Feb. 14, 2014, 6 p.m.
The Boy With The Sad Smile: Chapter 8
E - Words: 6,713 - Last Updated: Feb 14, 2014 Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Sep 27, 2013 - Updated: Sep 27, 2013 59 0 0 0 0
"Don't leave me in the dark you're my shining star you shine brighter than you think you are" - Shining Star, City Of Lions
Cooper's apartment was cosy, but not cloying. The rooms were well proportioned if a little small, but Blaine figured that feeling would disappear once the place had a bit of homely furniture scattered around. Blaine was all over it, but for now just sit on the floor with a cup of tea and his brother's company was enough.
"I'm freaking out Coop"
"Alright chill out, let's think.
Blaine had spent the majority of the afternoon pacing around his room torn between feeling absolutely elated at the fact that he had a date with Kurt Hummel on Saturday, and complete panic. He had a date with Kurt Hummel on Saturday. He'd called as soon as was possible and his brother was more than happy to invite him over and allow him to regale the days (and nights) events. At first, his brother had been a little shocked at the fact that Blaine had managed an entire evening without going completely nuts but Blaine assured him it was most likely the alcohol. He whooped when he mentioned the bed incident and then clapped a hand over his mouth when the cuddling came up ("honestly it was the most awkward thing ever" "any awkward morning boners?" "COOPER!" "Just curious"). Over all he seemed impressed that Blaine was finally finding himself a place to settle comfortably, as much as he himself felt he'd finally found somewhere he could let himself open up a little.
Of course, thing's weren't going to change like that, and there was still the case of dealing with his father (who, up to this point, he hadn't actually bumped into) but weirdly, things were looking up. The lines adorning his wrists were still evident, a constant reminder of worse times, but maybe…possibly…he was getting through that. And he owed it all to Kurt.
"I don't even know what he has planned. I don't know what to wear. What if I dress too warm? Or too cold? Or I could…" Cooper glared at him until he trailed off and dropped his nose to his tea. "Sorry"
"It's your first real date Blainers, it's normal to be nervous. Plus that guy is hot and you are seriously pulling"
"Cooper"
"Alright sorry, I'm sure he'd be flattered to know I was complimenting him" Blaine's eyes widened at his words
"Oh crap, oh no…he's been complimenting me all week and I haven't said a word I mean do I compliment him on Saturday? What do I say?" he gazed intently at Cooper, pleading for advice.
"Can't you think of a single thing" his brother asked over his own tea. Blaine scoffed.
"Too many things. He's literally perfect but I can't just go up to him and say that can I? Way to freak the guy out" he took a sip of the warm liquid cupped between his hands. He felt it burn a path down to his stomach and sighed at the familiar sensation.
"Well you don't have to say it in so many words. Be subtle. He's intelligent, he'd appreciate that"
"Subtle, got it" he checked it off of the imaginary list in his mind. "Should I take something? Flowers or, or maybe…"
"Didn't you do that before?"
"I bought him a rose but that was a thank you. This is different. I'd look like lieutenant lame if I was thanking him for going on a date with me. It was him that asked me after all" his stomach did a tiny flip as he spoke the words aloud. Kurt had asked him out. He was eternally grateful to be honest, knowing he would never have plucked up the courage to ask him himself. He would have most likely gone all year and not say a word. Kurt would be gone and Blaine would be stuck in Ohio for another year filled with regret…and regret did nothing for his self esteem.
He came upon a wall in his thinking as his mind swept over that fact. He'd not thought of it before but it was true. Next year Kurt wouldn't even be here. Blaine was slowly building up this connection with him; a connection he knew would eventually be very hard to break, only to be left alone for another 365 days. And that was still dependant on Blaine's plans for his future. What did he even want to do? He knew he would follow Kurt wherever, and that thought scared the crap out of him. His future was coming now, and he was petrified.
"Well why don't you text him…maybe not now." Blaine startled, turning his attention back to his brother and pushing the scary thoughts to the back of his mind "Leave it a couple of days and if he doesn't tell you what's planned shoot him a message as subtly as you can and see if he'll give you any hints. No point taking chocolates if you're going to the zoo." They both chuckled, Blaine's panic beginning to evaporate as his thoughts traced back to how easily they both fell into conversation every time they went for coffee. Really, it still surprised him to think of spending time with someone other than his family, and have a completely cordial conversation, even laugh. He wanted to explain to Cooper, to get him to understand how much Kurt meant to him.
"Cooper he…I can't explain it" he placed his tea down next to him and crossed his legs, using his hands to try and articulate to Cooper how seriously he meant what he was saying "it's like he just dive bombed into my life, like this bright ray of sunshine and just completely sent me flying. I don't feel as…empty as I did before. It's like every time I see him he fills me with this weird sense that maybe I'm…healing. I've never felt so…home" he looked up at his brother to see him smiling in awe
"Oh Blainers you really got it bad. I mean it, I've never heard you talk about anyone like this" he sounded reverent
"It's hard not to" he laughed, getting caught up in the emotion and excitement coursing through his body "I can't even find the words Coop, he's like my own guardian angel like he's just waved his wand and suddenly I feel like…me again. Like the me before Dalton. And that kinda freaks me out" he said a little quieter, coming down from his high with a bit of a bump. "Should I even be feeling this? I mean I've only known the guy a few weeks."
"I don't think time really matters in these things Blaine. Just see how things go on Saturday. Meanwhile, are you staying for food?" Blaine glanced at his watch and narrowed his eyes.
"I don't know. I didn't tell dad I was staying at Kurt's last night. I haven't seen him since Sunday morning."
"Oh"
"Yeah"
"You know I really don't want you going back there again without me" all trace of humour had gone from his bother's voice and the joy Blaine had been feeling only moments ago had faded into something like a dull worry. He was nervous yes; going home to his parents wasn't something he had really considered, what with the party and Glee and Kurt. Kurt shoved all things from his mind on a daily basis. However, he couldn't stay with Cooper forever. At one point or another he would need to return to the place he loathed. His only hope was his mother, and he hoped against hope that she would be home when he opened the door later that evening.
"I know but…I don't want you and Dad to end up blowing up again. I'd rather just get in there as unnoticed as possible. If I eat here at least I can get out of dinner. They'll hardly know I'm there" he reassured his brother, leaning over and patting his on the arm "I promise"
"If you're sure…but make sure to call me if you need me right?" Blaine nodded "right then, food?"
Blaine grinned.
They ended up getting Chinese in because of course, Cooper hadn't gone out and done a shop yet ("jeez, what am I? An adult?") And with a stomach full of noodles, Blaine sped off for home, dreading it with every inch of his tiny body.
He arrived outside just as the sun was setting over the ochre's of the avenue. Even with the warm light filtering softly across the grass and the panels of the house, it still struck a cold chord inside his chest. He heaved a sigh, delaying his entrance as long as was physically possible. He didn't even bother going into the effort of parking his car in the garage, knowing how unlikely it was that there would be trouble in this part of town. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shouldered his way through the house, not bothering to remove his coat by the door but staying as hunched over as he could. He could hear voices drifting through from the kitchen and made his way warily towards them. Both his parents looked up at his entrance, his mother relaxing instantly, rubbing a hand over her face.
"Blaine, where the hell have you been?" she asked sharply
"I…school. And then I…went to see Cooper" he glanced up at his father as he spoke, hands burying themselves a little deeper into his jacket pockets.
"Cooper is in California how did you-"
"You didn't come home last night." His father cut in "Your mother was worried sick" he didn't sound worried in the slightest and that if anything, made Blaine smile, despite it all. He let out a laugh.
"Because you totally care Dad"
"Now don't you start-"
"Christian" his mother intoned, raising a hand without looking away from Blaine "we just want to know where you were"
"At a friends" he said shortly
"A friends" his mother deadpanned.
"Yeah"
"And which friend would this be?"
"Just a friend?" panic began to rise in his chest. The last thing he needed was his parents finding out about Kurt. He was pretty sure he'd be back in Dalton in a heartbeat if they knew he was dating the guy. Wait, will be dating the guy.
"I'm going to need you to be more specific" his Father spoke up, pushing himself off the counter where he had been leaning and crossing his arms across his chest
"Why?" he replied "not like you want to know" he added under his voice.
"Excuse me?"
A sudden wave of courage took him and he found his mouth moving without his mind's consent.
"Well it's not like you care is it? If you did you would have called me, or Cooper. You knew I was with him yesterday! And he's settling into his apartment fine, thanks for asking"
"His apartment?" his mother said, sounding surprised. She looked between her son and husband confusedly. Blaine's eyebrows crept up his forehead.
"He didn't tell you? Dad kicked Cooper out yesterday." His mother's jaw dropped.
"Is this true?" she shot venomously at her husband.
"We had an argument and I merely meant to give ourselves some space" Blaine could feel the tension flowing between his parents and chose his moment.
"Well I have work to do" he said slowly. They hardly noticed when he backed out of the room and practically sprinted up the stairs.
That was the problem with his parents; they were brilliant and noticing things, just not the right things.
He closed his door quietly and dropped his bag before falling face first onto the bed. He felt sick, weary and fed up. He realised too late Cooper's offer of a place to stay for another night might have been well taken up. He rolled up and off the bed and set to work, piling books and papers on his desk before locating his latest assignments and settling back down on top of his comforter to study.
His hand flowed effortlessly across the page for the first half an hour or so, only pausing to check a reference or scratch the back of his neck in confusion. It wasn't until he hit a difficult patch that that insistent niggling under his skin started up again, after lying dormant for most of the day.
He wrote out an equation, it was simple enough but he just couldn't get his head around it. He prodded digits into his calculator repeatedly, sighing in frustration when the answer came out all wrong. He wrote it out again, typed in the numbers and groaned loudly when he came up with the same result. He screwed up the piece of paper and threw it in the general direction of the bin. For a third time he wrote it out, worked it out and why is this so difficult.
He swiped the paper off the side of his bed and fell back against the headboard angrily, clasping his hands behind his neck and burying his face in his arm, breathing heavily. The feeling of inadequacy began to creep up on him, making his skin crawl with self loathing. He sat up, meeting his reflection in the mirror on the dresser ahead of him. He felt sick to his stomach. Without conscious thought, he began to play with the hems of his sleeves, pushing his legs off the end of his bed and letting his eyes flicker towards the bathroom door. He could just…no. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and balling his hands up next to him to still them. It struck him that he still had Kurt, and Kurt seemed to think he was alright, even if Blaine didn't.
He was halfway to his phone to call him when he stopped himself. He didn't want to be a burden to Kurt, as much as the boy had assured him that he didn't mind. He wanted to be there for Kurt just as much as he was there for Blaine. He picked up the paper from the floor and placed it on the nightstand before standing and stripping the top from his body and throwing it into the hamper in the corner of the room. He was about to settle back onto his bed to start on his reading for English when the yelling began.
Blaine stiffened instantly, reconsidering a phone call to Kurt. No, a phone call wouldn't be enough. He needed to get out of the house.
He packed a bag quickly, hands moving in a well rehearsed flurry of actions. He slipped in folded items of clothing along with some toiletries and his trusty hair gel. It was running low so he made a mental note to pick some up before the end of the week. He slid a hoodie over his head and reached for the door handle, drawing his hand back just in time, reconsidering. The odds weren't in his favour for getting out the front door without notice. Instead, he pushed the window out as far as it would go and lifted himself up and out. Agilely, he manoeuvred his way down the lattice work, landing on the ground with a muffled thump. Luckily, the lights at the back of the house were off or he could have been caught like a deer in a set of headlights. As quietly as he could, he jogged down the side of the house, looking around before moving across to his car, pulling out as quietly as possible. He would have felt like a rebellious teenager if he weren't so sure his parent's didn't care. They wouldn't check his room and would probably assume he'd parked his car in the garage.
Blaine glanced at his dashboard clock as he skirted around the outside of Kurt's neighbourhood; a little past ten. It took him a few minutes to find the right street. It was different being the driver. When he did, he slowed the car to a creep and parked across and a little down from Kurt's home. Once he'd killed the engine he stopped to think. Now he was here, he wasn't sure what exactly he was planning to do. He couldn't go and knock on his door this late, what would Kurt's parents think? Then again, he couldn't sit out in the car all night. Could he? He was about to scold himself and head back home, branding the night as a bad idea when the click of heels on tarmac stopped him in his tracks.
Blaine squinted into his rear view mirror, pulling back in surprise when he spotted the familiar coiffed hair and composed stride. He looked the most dressed down Blaine had ever seen him (or as dressed down as Kurt got) a baggy necked sweater peeking out from underneath a smooth pale jacket, tight dark wash jeans and the source of the clicking: mid calf high boots. He approached slowly, walking at a leisurely pace and taking in the freshness around him. Blaine placed a hand on the door handle and pushed himself up and out just as Kurt came up alongside the back of the Porsche. To his surprise, Kurt leapt back with a yell. Blaine half fell back into his seat, raising his hands and snapping his head around himself jerkily. He heard Kurt sigh with relief and then laugh. Blaine smiled weakly.
"Sorry" he murmured, standing fully again and pressing the car door closed behind him.
"Blaine, what the hell?" Kurt took out his phone and lit up the screen "it's like quarter past ten, what are you even doing here?" the question brought Blaine up short. How did he explain this without sounding like a complete freak?
"Well I… could ask the same thing of you" he retorted, turning the question away from himself.
"I" he started matter of factly; crossing his arms "was just visiting Elwy. What's your excuse?" his features softened suddenly, arms loosening and eyes flitting between Blaine's face and his hands "wait did you-"
"No! No…nearly, but no" his eyes found the floor. A wave of shame had taken him all of a sudden. Why had he thought coming here was a good idea? "I went for a drive" he lied easily "and ended up here" he shrugged.
"Huh" the suspicion returned to Kurt's eyes but he shook it off quickly. "Why are you parked so far down from the house?"
"Erm…"
"You know, I don't need to know. I wasn't actually wasn't intending on going home yet anyways" he shrugged and then heaved a deep sigh. "I love the dark, at this time of year. It's all fresh and not too cold"
"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not as crisp as a winter evening but just as lovely"
Kurt seemed to regard him for a second before dropping his hands to his sides "well seeing as you're here how's about we have some fun?" he raised an eyebrow, smirking before darting forward and grabbing Blaine's wrist, pulling him off across the road at a jog. Blaine was glad for the distraction Kurt presented so he let himself be dragged along. He tried not to think about how tired he was going to be the next day.
They continued at a jog until they were past Kurt's house and slowed to a walk. Kurt dropped Blaine's hand causing Blaine to make an involuntary sound of disapproval and Kurt's head snapped back. He looked down, sliding his hand along Blaine's forearm and taking his hand softly in his own.
"Is this okay?" he breathed. Blaine blushed, trying to hide his grin. Kurt smiled in return and turned his eyes front. They walked a little further, relishing in the little comfortable bubble they had formed around themselves. Kurt's skin felt soft against Blaine's more calloused palms. He was suddenly conscious of that fact and vowed to begin looking after his skin a little better. Of course there was nothing he could do about the roughness at his fingertips; Kurt would just have to put up with that.
They took a sudden right, disappearing between high hedges. Blaine huddled a little closer to Kurt as the absolute darkness engulfed them. Kurt chuckled "don't worry, we're almost there"
They broke from the hedges a lot quicker than Blaine had anticipated, coming out in a field that look extremely familiar to his eyes. He paused, pulling Kurt to a stop next to him, their hands still linked. He raised a finger
"Am I seriously this clueless?" Kurt smirked
"You were having a bad day, and you came in by another way" he pointed over to the left of them and Blaine saw the road he had indicated was indeed the road he had sped off along on his bike just over two weeks ago. Right ahead of them was the park he had spent that thunderstorm in. everything looked exactly the same. A strange jolt in his stomach pulled his lips down into a frown.
"Hey" Kurt nudged him with his shoulder. "Come on, we're going to make this a happy place" he began to drag Blaine forward again, skipping towards the gate closest to them. He pushed himself inside, directing them both over to the roundabout. Blaine grimaced
"Kurt, I get motion sickness" he mumbled as Kurt dropped his hand, leaving it oddly cold, and leapt up. He turned and pouted
"Push me?" he smiled sweetly. Blaine rolled his eyes and moved forward to take the bars.
Everything from there became a bit of a blur. He did end up riding on the roundabout, and to Kurt's great dismay, almost throwing up all over the grass. He rubbed Blaine's back soothingly and pulled them over to the swings instead. Here, they embarked on a competition to see who could swing the highest which also almost ended in disaster when Kurt lost his hold on one of the chains and slipped backwards in his seat so he was holding himself up by his calves. Blaine couldn't hold in his laughter long enough to stand and help and so merely sat, gripping the swing and gasping for breath. Eventually, after Kurt's complaints began to fill the area Blaine shushed him, looking around before going over and helping him up. All would have gone smoothly if Kurt hadn't caught his feet and as a result gone stumbling into Blaine. He himself overbalanced and went falling backwards onto the grass. He just about managed to catch himself quickly enough to cushion his fall before Kurt came crashing down on top of him.
They paused for a moment, gazing at one another thoughtfully.
"Erm" Kurt smiled weakly and then they both fell apart laughing, Kurt rolling off onto the ground next to Blaine and covering his eyes with his arm. They laughed for what seemed forever, bumping limbs and enjoying how free they felt. After a few minutes it began to die off, both boys feeling relaxed and happy.
"It's a clear night" Kurt whispered
"Do you know any constellations?"
"Not really."
"Oh"
"Why?"
"I don't either" Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt and they burst out laughing again. They both sighed simultaneously as they fell quiet again. Blaine's skin was buzzing with the air around them. The moment felt perfect. His chest was full to the brim with happiness, heart overstretched with adoration for the boy next to him. He felt full of life, full of exultation at the universe. He could quite literally stand right now and yell to the sky that he was Blaine, and he was…At peace. The worries of half an hour ago were gone from his mind. A faint breeze rippled across his skin as he felt a nudge at his finger, and looking down he saw Kurt's fingers interlacing with his own.
"Hey, Blaine" Kurt's voice brought his eyes up, taking his breath away at how close their faces were. He could feel Kurt's breath ghosting across his skin, raising Goosebumps all over his body. His breath hitched as Kurt leant forward and touched their noses together. "can-" Blaine nodded, cutting him off, eyes not leaving Kurt's own and slowly, as if they had all the time in the world, Kurt moved forward and pressed his lips to Blaine's.
It was like all at once the steady hum that had been threading its way through his veins suddenly came to life, sparking through every corner of his body. He found himself pushing forward, reluctant to ever let go of Kurt's lips.
It felt…divine.
Eventually the moment broke, Kurt pulling away and opening his eyes to find Blaine smiling warmly across at him. Blaine watched him turn his face into the grass between them, smiling widely. He looked back up at Blaine and this time Blaine felt no hesitation in pressing forward and joining their lips again.
This time was different, more heated, and heavier somehow. Blaine let go of Kurt's hand and moved it up to his hip, rolling onto his side, feeling Kurt's hand come up to cup the back of his neck. He pulled back for only a second, then dived back in, shocked at his own courage. He hesitated for a moment before tracing his tongue across the underside of Kurt's upper lip, feeling him give way and open his mouth, deepening the kiss. Kurt tasted sweet and fresh; almost like a meadow on a bright morning at the beginning of April, when all the flowers were in bloom and the sun filtered warmly through the leaves up above.
They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. They kissed for so long that when Blaine finally pulled away he felt as if it should be morning already. He breathed heavily against Kurt's face, stunned at the emotion making his nerves stand on end. After a moment he came to his senses enough to realise he'd half rolled on top of Kurt and so promptly rolled off him and fell back onto the grass, sighing deeply.
"Okay" Kurt breathed
"Yeah" Blaine turned his head again to see Kurt smiling, eyes closed. He reached across to find Kurt's hand.
They lay there for what seems like an age, basking in each other's presence. They didn't even kiss, or talk, they simply laid there, languid and comfortable. Or at least until Blaine began to shiver. Kurt pushed himself up onto one elbow
"We should probably get back" he grimaced. Blaine made another noise of dissent and pulled Kurt back down next to him. Instead of falling back into his previous position however, Kurt shifted over and placed his head on Blaine's chest, letting his arm sit across his stomach. Blaine raised an eyebrow but grinned none the less, bringing his hand up to rest on Kurt's shoulder blade.
"Just a few more minutes" he whispered "I never want this moment to end."
An hour later found them both with mugs of hot chocolate between their hands, under woolly blankets, watching re runs of Grey's Anatomy on Kurt's living room TV. They hadn't mentioned the kiss, or anything that may have passed between them in the park.
They had only had one complaint from Finn that if Blaine came over, Rachel could too. Kurt had then quietly pointed out that it was nearly midnight. Finn had drooped his head and made his way back to his room like a sad puppy. Kurt had merely rolled his eyes and returned to the couch. They both sighed in unison as they watched Derek motion around at the papers pinned to every service of the elevator. This had to be one of his favourite episodes.
"You know if my future partner didn't do something to equal this I think I'd probably leave him" Kurt stated. Blaine laughed
"You do have high expectations"
"I'm high maintenance, what can I say" he shrugged, taking a sip of the warm liquid in front of him.
"I think that anyone who deserves to be happy ought to be" Kurt arched an eyebrow over his mug. Blaine had fallen into some kind of soft, dreamy state. He talked quietly and his movements were more muted than usual. He didn't even flinch when the sleeve of his tee rode up to reveal his scarred forearms. Kurt took a breath and turned slightly in his seat, tucking his foot beneath him.
"What's the real reason you're here? This is sort of out of your way if you were just going for drive." One side of Blaine's mouth turned up in a kind of grimace and he sighed deeply.
"I don't know. I thought of calling you but then…well, I just wanted to get out of the house. Going to Cooper's would have been a mistake at any rate. I don't want to get him involved you know?" Kurt watched him rub a hand over his eyes wearily. He let him continue "I just…feel like I should be able to do more. Every time dad raises his voice I feel like I should be able to fight back, but I just back out like a coward."
"Hey" Kurt exclaimed, fixing his features into a somewhat stern expression. "You have your own battles to face. It's their fault that they haven't noticed a thing. They'd be proud of you if they knew how far you've come in the last couple of weeks" Blaine laughed weakly.
"You know I still can't believe it" he said, only just more than a whisper
"Believe what?" Kurt asked
"That someone knows…that you know. Its kind of silly..." he dropped his chin to his chest, smiling a little too brightly.
"I'm sure it's not" Kurt smiled in reply
"Oh it is"
"Don't leave me hanging, Anderson" he slapped blain lightly on the arm.
"Oh I don't…I just." He lifted his head again, looking straight ahead. "You were the first thing I noticed on my first day. I walked into the cafeteria and I was so bewildered, everything was all big and new and then" his smile widened, taking Kurt's with it "I saw you over with the rest of Glee club. Of course I didn't know it was Glee club then"
"Of Course"
"You were laughing about something and then you started waggling your finger and then everyone was laughing at you and Mercedes was hugging you and I don't know" he shrugged one shoulder "you were like this happy spark. It just kind of made my day…" he trailed off, embarrassed. Kurt couldn't hold back his grin. He couldn't even think of anything to say. After a moment's silence, Blaine's smile began to fade "oh god that was totally lame wasn't it? I can't believe I just said that!"
"No, no! It was adorable! You're adorable" he tilted his head at Blaine, eliciting that shy smile again.
"I'm not…" Blaine mumbled
"Oh seriously come on. Okay, my truth time." He turned his body fully towards Blaine, pulling the other leg up so he had them crossed in front of him. Blaine leant his cheek on his hand, elbow on the couch cushion behind him. Kurt cleared his throat. "I think I'd been crushing on you since that first day. Honestly at first, I was just grateful for some colour in the place. And who can resist that bow tie?" he couldn't meet Blaine's eyes as he spoke. Too late, he realised how Blaine must have felt admitting what he had. Heat began to creep up his neck "and then I came and said hi and you were all cute smiles and cute laugh and just cute and I vowed I wasn't letting you escape" he'd said that last bit all in one breath and he bit his lip as he met Blaine's eyes. He was smiling softly, eyebrows drawn inwards subtly. Kurt smiled back. It was then he noticed the silence of the room, the ticking of the clock, soft hum of the TV. He pulled his gaze away to glance at the screen, shocked to see the episode had come to a close.
"Oh. Well, I guess we should probably get some sleep. If you're auditioning tomorrow" he grinned evilly. Blaine raised a finger
"Hey, I said I would think about it. And I am definitely not following Elwy. Give me a few more days at least." Kurt rolled his eyes
"You're as good as Elwy, if not better, trust me" he pulled back his blanket and set about tidying up the food they'd left scattered around
"How would you even know, you've only ever heard me as part of the Warblers" Blaine asked curiously. Kurt stiffened
"Oh err yeah I know but you erm, you were great with them. With your, err, solo parts. I'm sure you'll be great" he finished, moving quickly into the kitchen. Blaine followed, folding up the blanket in his arms.
"I don't even know what I would sing. Half of what made Elwy's performance was how personal it was to you guys."
"You noticed that?" Kurt asked, turning slowly
"I think everyone noticed it Kurt, it wasn't like either of you were being subtle"
"Huh. Well why don't you find something personal?" he hinted, turning back to the washing up. He looked at it for a moment before sighing and waving a hand "I'll do that tomorrow; I'm not in the mood." It struck him all of a sudden as he lead Blaine upstairs, that he could have another awkward sleeping situation coming up. He decided to bring it up as soon as they entered his room.
"Erm, I was actually wondering what you wanted to do about sleeping. I mean, I could set up the sofa bed for you, or you could sleep in the guest room" he rubbed his hands together awkwardly.
"Whatever's easiest honestly. I don't want to be a bother" Kurt watched him scratch at the back of his neck and gave into himself. Screw it Hummel.
"Why don't we just share the bed again It's not like my Dad is gonna come in and yell at us and it's definitely big enough" he said all in one breath. Blaine coughed suddenly, the beginnings of a smile showing on his face. Kurt cleared his throat "I'm gonna go sort myself out. Feel free to…look around" he brushed Blaine's hand softly as he passed; almost gasping at the warmth he felt shooting up towards his elbow.
He hadn't been lying when he'd said he needed to sort himself out. He was a hot mess. He ran his hands under the cold water and splashed his face, shaking out his limbs and trying to push down the nerves rising in his stomach. Why was this so god-damned difficult?
It was probably because Kurt for once, was completely at a loss with their relationship. What even were they now? Still friends? Dating? Boyfriends? He wasn't one to take kissing lightly. He wasn't Puck. That kiss meant a lot to him, and from what he gathered, to Blaine as well. What he didn't want is for that to be disregarded but…it was all going so…fast.If a magical munchkin had shown up on is doorstop a month ago and told him he was going to fall for a boy he had known for a matter of weeks he would have laughed in their face.
It wasn't that Kurt wasn't a social person, but it wasn't like he really put himself out there either. It had all happened by chance, the colours he had chosen to wear or the poems he had been reading the night before. It was all very cliché and to be honest Kurt didn't mind one bit. It reassured him that what he was doing wasn't a mistake. That he was right to be opening his heart to this boy, and hopefully doing to same for him.
But God he wished he could just, helpBlaine. Make him see what he was worth.
Blaine was sat cross legged on the edge of Kurt's bed when he got back, loose hoodie and pyjama pants in place of the jeans and tee, a worn anthology resting open on his knee. He looked up and smiled as Kurt entered, making his heart do somersaults. How can any one human deal with this every single time another smiled?
"What's that?" he asked, putting his jacket and pants back into his wardrobe and throwing everything else into the washing hamper.
"Erm, Blake?" Blaine supplied, turning back to the book and checking the cover "it was on the floor here"
"I must have dropped off and not put it down. Happens a lot"
"I do the same. I've woken up with my guitar in bed with me"
"Kinky" he smirked. Blaine turned scarlet at Kurt's teasing, a fact Kurt was happy to say made him feel a little satisfied. "My favourite poem is in that book. One of Blake's better known quotes, erm how did it go" he sunk onto the bed next to Blaine, tapping his lip. His eyes lit up in remembrance "oh yeah 'how can a caged bird that is born for joy/ sit in a cage and sing?'"
"The School-Boy. From The Songs of Innocence and Experience" Blaine continued to Kurt's surprise "yeah, I know it." his face took on a more animated expression as he proceeded to recite more "'How shall the summer arise in joy/ Or the summer fruits appear./ or how shall we gather what griefs destroy/ Or bless the mellowing year,/ When the blasts of winter appear'" he stared dreamily off into the distance, falling into some kind of memory induced trance. Kurt watched on, awestruck by the soft rhythm Blaine had spoken as he wrapped his voice around each and every syllable perfectly. It was mesmerising and he almost had to pinch himself back to awareness as Blaine turned to him and smiled "or something like that" he laughed
"That was…" Kurt began, not really knowing where he had planned that sentence to go. Blaine shuffled along the bed and placed the book back down on the nightstand before wrapping his arms around his knees, back to Kurt's headboard. Kurt was still staring, open mouthed across at him.
"What?" Blaine said, smiling shyly
"You're perfect" he whispered and then, eyes widening, he rushed to correct himself "I mean, that was perfect. The quote. Haha" he tried a smile and moved a little higher on the bed.
"I like it. The poem" Blaine started, oblivious to Kurt's embarrassment. "I mean I know Blake was all anti-education and he loved the romantic ideals of childhood, but it really comes across in this. He's a master of satire…I wish there were more people like him" Kurt hummed in agreement, standing to swap the big light for the bed side lamp and pulling back the comforter for both to slide shyly inside. He settled comfortably back into the pillows.
"Maybe it just takes more people to understand him. I mean, if you get what he was trying to say, there's no harm in trying to carry on his ideals"
"But it's so difficult you know? We're living in such an ignorant age. Getting through to people like Blake did isn't as easy nowadays." Kurt blew out the air in his lungs slowly, rolling onto his side
"Do you agree with him? About the whole education thing?"
"What? That it isn't a good thing?
"Well maybe not in such a direct way but isn't The School-Boy all about learning more by not being confined to the classroom?"
"I guess. There was that one…what was it...oh! Wordsworth, Expostulation and Reply; 'Nor less I deem that there are Powers/ Which of themselves our minds impress;/ That we feed this mind of ours/ In a wise passiveness."
"The power of thoughtfulness" Kurt answered
"Exactly." They fell silent again, both deep in thought. Blaine was the first to speak up, pulling Kurt back to the present again. "This is weird. What other teenagers sit around and chat about poetry honestly" he chuckled lightly but Kurt merely scrunched up his lips and shrugged
"We want to make a difference in the world. There's nothing wrong with that. Eventually we'll all face human oblivion anyway and none of this will even matter" he let himself fall back against the pillows again, sighing deeply
"But it matters in the present"
"It matters if we can make other people think it matters. Seems pretty futile to me"
"No, I think it's there. You just need the right people"
"And the right mindset"
"And courage" Blaine added
"Courage" Kurt murmured thoughtfully.
They both fell silent. After a moment, Kurt reached over to his bedside lamp "do you mind?"
"No, go ahead" he clicked if off and they were drenched in darkness, only a thin slant of moonlight falling through a gap in his blinds to pool across the bottom of the bed. They both moved slightly, adjusting themselves to sleep. Kurt faced Blaine, seeing him turn onto his front and bring their faces closer together. He hesitated for a moment and then reached over to squeeze Blaine's hand. He didn't let go.
"Night Kurt" Blaine breathed, warm air ghosting across Kurt's face.
"Goodnight Blaine"
Kurt couldn't remember having a more perfect night. He drifted off into a pleasant dream filled with rose petals and hot chocolate and the feel of Blaine's lips against his own.