Feb. 14, 2014, 6 p.m.
The Boy With The Sad Smile: Chapter 11
E - Words: 6,503 - Last Updated: Feb 14, 2014 Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Sep 27, 2013 - Updated: Sep 27, 2013 61 0 0 0 0
Well, I know a thing about contrition, because I got enough to spare - House Of Wolves, MCR
It took his head falling hard into his locker the next morning to make Blaine realise that he needed to stop avoiding sleep. It wasn't that he was doing it for the negative result; the headaches, the incessant yawning, the dark circles. He just knew that if he let himself lose grip on the world for too long everything would begin to fall apart.
Yeah, his parents kept him up too. Since his slip of the Cooper incident, his mother had been pretty concrete on the fact that she wasn't going to place herself as a mat at her husbands feet, to walk all over as he wished. It pleased and scared Blaine in equal measure. Of course he was glad his mother was beginning to sum up the courage to stand up to his father, to bully him back, but he knew what the consequences of that kind of behaviour could be. He was scared that one day he would come home to a house void of a mother. His single worst fear.
Apart from losing Kurt, of course.
Losing Kurt had suddenly become a huge motivation for him not to let things slip. Which was why the sleep thing was starting to become a problem. A problem he had to solve. Luckily Kurt's call the previous night had snapped him out of his music induced trance and sent him to bed with lyrics on his tongue and contentment in his chest. Even if it was short lived when his parents started up not two hours later. Really, it was getting ridiculous.
Blaine nursed the sore spot on his head where it had collided with his mammoth history text book, grimacing as it throbbed at the probing. Brilliant. He thought. Typical Monday morning then. He swapped out his books, gave his head one last rueful rub and slammed the door shut, bringing the blue thermos coffee filled mug with him. He was in Kurt's corridor five minutes later, a half sided smile lighting up his face at the sight of Kurt looking tired, but as polished as ever. He could tell by the uneven slope to his shoulders and the kink in one knee as he fiddled to get his locker combo right.
"Damn fucking thing-"
"Hey" he greeted, making him jump. Kurt blinked a couple of times and then seemed to recognise Blaine.
"Oh" he turned back to his locker, finally managing to get it open before shoving a load of crumpled papers inside "stupid fall, wind blew these everywhere and I had to go chasing after them, then I almost ran Mrs Cole over trying to get here in time. Honest to god if that woman so much as speaks to me this evening I…" he trailed off at Blaine's hand on his wrist. He turned to look at him, eyes wide and nostrils flaring.
"Hey" Blaine said a little softer, tipping his head and smiling. Kurt took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, relaxing his tense stature and letting his eyes close for a few seconds.
"Sorry" he said as soon as he'd reopened them. He smiled "Monday's" Blaine nodded
"Know the feeling. You look tired; did you stay asleep last night?" Kurt nodded "good. But you still look like you need this" he pulled the cup from behind his back "it's one of those thermos-y things so it should still be hot." Kurt looked down at it, smile widening gradually until he was practically glowing.
"You are the best boyfriend ever, thank you" he took the cup from him and squeezed his hand before taking an appreciative sip.
"Well, I try" Kurt rolled his eyes, letting Blaine hold the coffee while he sorted out his books and then taking it back once the door was shut. They leant their shoulder against adjoining lockers. It felt odd for Blaine to be propped up against Elwy's in place of the boy himself. He'd only known him for a bit over three weeks and already the world seemed a little less optimistic with him absent.
"How's Elwy?" He asked. Kurt's face sank a little
"I don't really know. He was upset last night to be sure but I don't think it had quite hit him yet"
"I can't even imagine…" his words fell away as the truth of the situation hit him. It wasn't that his friends were hurting, or that he could feel that sadness seeping deeply into his own bones; it was the fear that what was happening to them could easily happen to him. The odds that Kurt was going through this again were completely unfounded anyway, and here Blaine was, not having been touched by the six lettered word in his life. What were the odds in that? What if something did happen, whether medical or not? What if he was left lonely, the things he cared about yet again stripped from him like cotton. What if he was abandoned again, not by choice but by fate? Blaine wasn't a big believer in fate but he'd come to realise that it was more than mere chance that he had pulled up his sleeves in the choir room. Every event in his life had to have been leading up to that moment because there was no way in hell that he would have felt comfortable telling anyone else what he had told Kurt that afternoon.
It was one of those moments, one where you look back at it and think how unlikely the circumstances really were. Who tells someone that upon first meeting them? This wasn’t some crappy romcom come tragedy that has the audience squirming and then sobbing and coming out completely unsatisfied but feeling like they’ve learnt something none the less. This wasn’t a story written and sat there to be lived out, the only writer here was Blaine and so that pinnacle moment in the choir room had to only have been strength of sheer will. Something must have been leading his mind that day or else Blaine would have completely messed it up, as usual. If he was truly in control then he would have up and run the moment Kurt’s eyes set sight on his wrist by accident. It was all so…unlikely and against the odds, for things now to be so good and yet so bad and yet so perfectly unbalanced. He felt dizzy with it, dizzy with the knowledge that though things were plummeting for them all, life taking them on one of those wild rides that either left you breathless with exhilaration and joy or snapped you into a dark crevice almost impossible to escape…it was okay, they would be okay. Because they had each other and that was all they needed.
Needless to say however, what was given could just as easily be taken.
"Blaine" he snapped out of his reverie at the sound of Kurt's voice
"Huh?"
"I said it might be nice if we go see him tonight. I presume he won't be in today, I'll get his notes for class and we can drop them off together after coffee."
"We're still going for coffee?" Blaine replied, slightly bemused.
"Well I don't know about you but I'm going to need it. I have a tonne of work to do. Did you finish your project?"
"erm, yeah p-pretty much" what Blaine wasn't going to tell Kurt was that he had in fact spent the night before letting his fingers glide over the keys of his keyboard, feather light as he tapped away one melody after the next, perfecting a tune that one day his boyfriend may have the privilege to hear. It was his intention that, should Kurt ask Blaine to sing for him again, he would have something original prepared. But he wanted to get it exactly right. "Sounds like a good idea though. I don't have anything that needs doing desperately." He nodded his agreement, drawing a happy smile from Kurt. It made his insides squirm just a little.
"Great. I should probably get going" Kurt said, glancing at his watch.
"Yeah, or Tina will yet again jump to conclusions"
"She does have a habit of doing that" Kurt laughed, pushing off from the lockers. The sound set a happy thrill right though him, lifting his feet a little higher as he wandered slowly through the hallways with Kurt. "This is me" he waved a hand at a half empty classroom "I'll see you at lunch?" he squeezed Blaine's hand and turned towards the door. Blaine smiled fondly after him and turned to his own destination.
He spent the morning worrying about Kurt. Something he did a lot. At first he'd worried about himself in relation to Kurt. Really, it still surprised Blaine to think that he was Kurt's boyfriend. Him. Then it had turned to worrying about their future, about the inevitability that Kurt would eventually get tired of his self pity routine and move on. And of course there was his looming graduation. There was a whole year before then however, so Blaine put it out of his mind. June was a world away.
Though of course then, Kurt had stopped eating.
It was subtle at first; missing breakfast and not eating enough at lunch but assuring Blaine he was eating plenty in the evening. Until the pallor of his skin began to change and his hand became looser in his own as they sat sipping their coffee of an afternoon. Kurt's hand would shake after only half a cup and twice within the previous week he had excused himself with nausea and left Blaine to finish his beverage alone. It wasn't affecting his mood yet, that he could tell, but Blaine knew it was only a matter of time before this thing – whatever it was – got serious. He promised himself he'd mention it at some point in the near future. Maybe when his boyfriend wasn't so worried about his best friend. His heart twanged at the thought and he shifted slightly on his stool, rubbing the back of his neck. He'd gone suddenly cold at the thought. Blaine resolved to make things as easy as possible for them both, like getting up that little bit earlier so he had time to get Kurt coffee before homeroom. Or make him food, or stay up half the night lulling him to sleep. Whatever Kurt needed, he was determined to be there no matter what.
He found Kurt sat alone at their table, and the sight of him hunched over a bottle of water, looking dismal and resigned had Blaine's lips pulling down into a grimace instantly. He slipped in next to Kurt as usual, bumping his shoulder before taking out his lunch.
"Hey, you okay?" Kurt took a deep stuttered breath, sounding like he needed it and nodded, smiling faintly. "You got anything other than that?" he asked glancing at the half empty bottle sat in front of him
"Carole is making a big dinner, didn't want to spoil it" he said easily, taking another sip. Blaine noticed the tremble in his hand as he placed the bottle back down, but chose not to mention it. Instead, he changed the subject.
"How was class?"
"Boring, as usual. Being stuck in a class with IQ's half your size really doesn't help matters" Blaine chuckled, a little relieved at the return of Kurt's sass.
“Is there not an ap for it?”
“Yes but then I would have to suffer Rachel. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to bits, but there’ something about her jumping up and down in her seat every five seconds that gets on every last nerve. Plus I can make up the extra credit.”
"At least you haven't got Tina drowning you with questions the moment you sit down"
"I can imagine. She and Mercedes are the biggest gossips in Glee club"
"I wouldn't have guessed" he exclaimed sarcastically, pulling a smile from Kurt at last
"What did she ask you about?"
"Oh the usual. Us mostly" he took a bite of his sandwich "for someone in a relationship of her own she does seem extremely obsessed with mine" Kurt snorted "what?"
"Nothing" he shook his head, putting his bottle back into his bag and resting his hand on his chin, facing Blaine. "What do you tell her?"
"Well she asks weird questions. Like whether we like the same musicals"
"Which of course is yes"
"Well, I don't know, we were only going off favourite Musicals on Saturday. Who knows, we could like completely different stuff" he looked up at Kurt through his lashes, trying to look uppity and most likely failing miserably considering Kurt just laughed and shook his head.
"You" he said, pressing a very quick kiss to his cheek "are ridiculous"
"I try" he shrugged, before polishing off his sandwich. "Are we still on for coffee this arvo?"
"Arvo?" Kurt said sceptically "you have been watching way too many Australian soaps"
"Shut up. Seriously, are we?"
"Yeah, I got Elwy's notes for the morning so we can head there afterwards…if you don't mind. I figure you don't actually know him that well I don't want to force him on you but you know, I need to be there for him right now…" Blaine could sense the drop in his boyfriend's mood instantly, the sudden lax in his otherwise perfect posture; the way his hands were folding over each other in his lap. He reached out and took them both underneath his own beneath the table.
"Don't worry; I know you need to be there for him. And I want to be here for you so if you need anything, just let me know" he smiled as reassuringly as he could, pressing his side up against Kurt's. The other boy dropped his head to Blaine's shoulder. He flushed a little, stomach squirming at the motion as Kurt circled his arm through his own.
"I wish this wasn't happening" Kurt said in such a small voice that Blaine stumbled a little bit in his breathing, brow furrowing.
"I know" he said quietly back "but we can't control what life throws at us. We just have to make sure that we surround ourselves with the people that make us happy and then anything is beatable"
"Not everything" Kurt breathed, and Blaine felt it like a dagger to his heart, the complete and utter truth of those two words.
"But…you've overcome it before right? I was…talking to Elwy" he started hesitantly, licking his lips "he told me you guys have both lost people like this before. But you got through it together" he was careful to make sure he talked about them and not himself, this was something they had both overcome together and the last thing he wanted to do was butt himself into the middle of the equation and make it any less of a thing for the two friends to share. This wasn’t about Blaine being there for him, this was about Kurt being okay, in all the ways he possibly could be and that included reassuring him that he wasn’t alone in this. There was a moment of silence which was broken by the sound of Kurt sniffling beside him. Blaine pulled himself back to see Kurt, fingers pressed to his mouth and eyes squeezed shut "oh Kurt" he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to his body. The other hand he used to grab their bags. "Kurt, hey, can you stand? Let's get out of here" Kurt nodded against him and pulled away, grabbing Blaine's hand as he led them both out the caf as quickly as possible and towards the choir room, the first room that popped into his head. It was blissfully empty, just as he'd expected it to be. He closed the door behind them and pulled Kurt towards the seats at the back of the raised stage, not bothering with the lights, allowing the beams falling gently through the elevated windows to illuminate their way.
Once they were seated, it seemed Kurt's tears had mostly dried up, as if something had bloomed in him and set the emotions going but then cut off unexpectedly. Now he looked haggard and indifferent. Blaine rubbed his am gently, squeezing his bicep and leaving his hand there. And then he waited. He didn't speak or move, or try to coerce Kurt into speech. He didn't even spend too much time looking at him. Five minutes in, he folded his legs and turned to the front, keeping his hand firmly over Kurt's. After another ten, Kurt roused, sniffing and sitting a little straighter. Blaine snapped his head to the side, turning his body.
"Thank you" Kurt croaked, scratching his cheek and not meeting Blaine’s eyes.
"Of course. You gonna tell me what's up?" Kurt's eyes flicked up to his quickly, and then away
"You know what's up" he deadpanned, moving his fingers to tug slightly at his ear lobe. Blaine noted the movement and tucked it away into his memory for future reference.
"Kurt, I can tell something's up. If you don't want to tell me now that's fine, but you haven't been eating and I know-"
"It's nothing Blaine okay? Drop it" Kurt snapped, pulling his arm away from him and shouldering his bag.
"I don't want to force you to do anything Kurt; I'm just worried about you and with this-"
"With what Blaine?" he stood and turned back to him "you think I'm so fragile? Yeah, I've been through this before, not you. Just drop it" he stamped across to the door and left Blaine sat open mouthed, completely stunned. His days were growing longer and more complicated as they came, and Blaine didn't know how long he could take it before his resolve broke.
Kurt almost stampeded his way to History that afternoon, running from his fear and hoping to god he escaped the guilt he was beginning to feel having snapped at Blaine. The running was fine, but eventually you had to slow to a stop and that time came when he collapsed into his seat and pulled out his books just as the bell rang. He looked up at the board to see the words "catch up lesson" plastered across the board and a familiar substitute seated behind the desk. He groaned audibly and snapped his book shut, picking up his notepad instead. He doodled mindlessly for the first few minutes, not bothering to turn to his actual History work, until his mind turned to Blaine. Then Elwy. Then…
The nib of his pencil broke, skittering off across the table. He dropped it and let his face fall into his hands, breathing deeply. He didn't resume his doodling or his work for the rest of the lesson, and sighed in relief when the bell rang. He walked slowly to the choir room, thankful that his last period of the day had been a double and hesitated one corridor over. He could just…skip. Then he remembered his promise to Blaine for coffee and he took another step. Then again he could just skip, send him a text to meet him there…
He curled up in his warm car to text Blaine, hitting send after only a slight hesitation. Kurt wasn't exactly sure of what to do now, the anger he had felt before completely wiped from his body, the sharp flare of emotion earlier having left him cold and unsatisfied only made him ratty and impatient. He felt guilty and unsure and entirely not himself. Not this Kurt. This was sophomore year Kurt and it terrified him. he sighed heavily looking up from his phone to glare across the quickly emptying parking lot and started when he saw a familiar form striding towards the main entrance. Kurt narrowed his eyes and stepped out of the car, calling over. The boy turned, smiling weakly. Kurt made his way over.
"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you Okayed it with school to stay off?"
Elwy shrugged "I figured I would come in for Glee. You know what gossips that lot can be" Kurt rolled his eyes and threaded his arm through Elwy's. "Besides, I don't know what use I'm going to be for sectionals in this state" he indicated his puffed up face and dim eyes.
"No Elwy, the whole point of Glee is to be there for each other, we're going to help you through this..." he trailed off quietly, mind working in strange ways until his heart gave a jolt and all of the guilt he had been holding back went flooding through his system. He blinked a couple of times "plus I need to apologise to someone"
"What did you do now?" Elwy chuckled. Kurt rolled his eyes and continued to lead him towards the school.
They entered the choir room to a confused looking group of people, all eyes on Blaine who was frowning down at his phone. They looked up as they came through the door, Blaine's face screwing up in even more confusion as his eyes flicked between them both. He held up his phone
"Kurt I don't-"
"Elwy decided to drop by so I figured I'd come along too" he let go of Elwy's arm and walked over to placate his boyfriend with a kiss to the cheek "we still on for coffee?" he asked as they seated themselves next to each other. Blaine still looked confused, scared almost "what?"
"I just…you seem better. I was expecting the cold shoulder after…before…" he settled his eyes into his lap, Kurt's stomach dropped.
"Yeah…no, I'm sorry about that but my Dad… it's easy for a lot of people to assume I'm not okay. I just get a bit touchy about it; I shouldn't have off loaded on you like that. I’m sorry" he placed his hand atop Blaine's and let the other boy intertwine their fingers, a small smile playing at his lips.
"I just want you to know you don't have to be all strong around me. I don't want you to feel like you have to be careful because of…you know…" he twitched his wrist a little. Kurt sighed heavily, trying to shake off the bad mood just as Mr Schue walked into the room.
"I'll try harder, I promise" he whispered before turning to face forward again.
"Okay Gang, now I know we've been a bit all over the place for the last couple of weeks..."
"No kidding" Tina muttered
"…but we really have to get our heads down and get a set list for sectionals together. So, any ideas?" Rachel cleared her throat, sickly sweet smile in place and was about to step forward when Elwy of all people stood up slowly and cut across her
"Actually Mr Schue I was wondering if I could speak to everyone for a second? I think I have a bit of explaining to do"
"The stage is yours Elwy" Mr Schue nodded and stepped aside "make it quick"
"I will" he confirmed, tucking his hands into his pockets "so a few of you may have noted my absence today but be reassured it was okayed, I'm not breaking any rules being here" he chanced a glance in Kurt's direction who merely smiled warmly and squeezed Blaine's hand a little tighter "but stuff is going on for me right now that may affect where I'm at vocally so if I start to flag and you want to replace me-" the words were met with loud noises of indignation. Elwy chuckled and trained his eyes on the floor "I'm not saying it will but if worse come to worse I don't mind in the slightest if you guys want to find someone better. Lastly…I know I'm new and all but I actually had a suggestion if anyone would want to hear it?"
Mr Schue had pushed himself up from his seat and made his way slowly back to front and centre. Blaine suddenly stiffened next to him. Kurt's eyes narrowed but he chose to let it go.
"We're open to suggestions" Mr Schue said brightly
"Brill" Elwy exclaimed and directed a wink at Kurt "I think you might like this one"
Dalton games night was somewhat of a tradition of the school, stretching back almost to its debut as the number one boy's school within over a hundred mile radius. It surprised Blaine when he found himself up on the highway to Westerville Wednesday afternoon, a final bout of courage fuelling his legs out of the front door and down the drive. Honestly, he was scared out of his wits.
He'd told Kurt everything, or at least almost everything. They hadn't come across the delicate reason for his transfer as of yet and he was grateful for it. They both came from different worlds, and he wasn't sure how things were going to change when they finally collided.
The weather around him was hellish, leaves flying across his path as Ohio took its dive into autumn, the last remnants of summer; sticky dusks and balmy mornings, fading swiftly into the past. It almost felt like summer was a closing book that Blaine could tuck away forever. He truly felt like he was onto a breakthrough, not just with Kurt, but with his whole life. Which was part of the reason he was returning to Dalton in the first place.
The sun was way on its way towards the horizon as he pulled into the long drive leading to the school, its rays peeking cheekily below the confines of the guard he had pulled down in front of his eyes. He flipped it upwards angrily and squinted his way into the guest parking lot, and cut the engine. He sat still for a few moments; hand still on the steering wheel. His parents would eventually find out he was skipping Italian to be here but honestly, it wasn't as if he needed it. He was practically fluent and this needed doing. He glanced at the clock to see it to be just past three. Perfect.
He sidled over to the main entrance, not bothering to sign himself in or make his appearance known to anyone official. The boys had sneaked in their girlfriends often enough for it not to be a problem. The halls were quiet, surprising for a Wednesday afternoon. He felt the familiar sense of security and warmth seep into his bones at the scent of coffee and old books. This place even smelled like knowledge.
The games room was a few doors down from the senior commons, seeing as it was them that spent the majority of their time in there. He paused at the door, listening for any noise and when all he came back with were a few "oohs" and a gasp he smiled. Quietly, he turned the door knob and stepped into the room, careful not to alert anyone of his presence. What seemed like half of the senior class plus a couple of others were gathered around a table in the centre of the room where Blaine could just about see a head of bright blonde hair. He rolled is eyes. A buzzer, a triumphant clap and the entire crowd erupted. Blaine laughed quietly to himself and waited for the crowd to calm down before calling out a bit louder
"You know this is totally cliché" a bunch of the group turned on the spot, grins lighting up their faces and before he knew it he was a Blaine sandwich between about twenty students, all trying grasp some part of him. He tried his best to bat them away but in the end just succumbed to the hug, jaw aching with a smile that hadn't adorned his face in weeks.
"Blaine, what the hell are you doing here?" Jeff exclaimed, flicking his hair out of his face and pulling him towards one of the couches. The rest of the Warblers followed, arraying themselves just as they used to. Blaine almost felt out of place, strangely toned down in dress compared to the bright blues and reds surrounding him. He shrugged
"I missed you guys. And I have some business with…just stuff I need to sort out" he finished, not wanting to go into too much detail
"I bet your new school isn't half as awesome as this" Nick quipped, high fiving Jeff with a pleased nod
"It's…different, I'll give you that but I think I…I've found a home at McKinley." He said carefully. Thad raised an eyebrow
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"It means" came a voice from the doorway. Blaine turned to see Wes entering, smiling in understanding, and maybe a little smugly "that our Blaine here has found himself a boyfriend"
"Wes!" he stood up and hugged his fellow Warbler and best friend tightly, ignoring the whoops around him. Wes pulled back looking uncertain "please say I'm right on that assumption because otherwise I've just made a total dick of myself" Blaine blushed and sat back down
"His name is Kurt" he said quietly to a slap on the back from Jeff's direction "we've only been dating a couple of weeks. But that's not what I'm here, how are you guys? How are the Warblers?"
"Ready to kick the New Directions ass and you know it" Nick grinned
"I wouldn't be so sure," Blaine said with a smirk "they're pretty talented."
"They have you, of course they are" Blaine took a moment to look around, let his eyes rest on each face in turn. It made his heart throb with a sort of sadness he knew would never be cured.
"You know I really have missed you guys" he said sincerely, waving his arms around uselessly. It was met by a chorus of "aww's" and all of a sudden he was buried under a sea of people again. He laughed it off and stood when they finally released him. "I should probably go do what I'm here for. Don't worry I'll be back. I'm here for a while longer" he said in reply to the faces dropping around him.
"We'll be waiting" Jeff said, wiggling his eyebrows. Blaine stepped towards the door and slipped out with a wave, meandering down the corridors to a room even more familiar than the last. He took a breath, calming his nerves before rapping softly on the aged and varnished wood. A soft voice floated out to welcome him in and he reached for the door knob, peeking his head inside.
Ms. Lloyd was stood with her back to him, observing the fall leaves through a window behind her desk. He smiled at the familiar scent of the diffuser she had sat on her bookshelf. He entered and closed the door behind him, saying cautiously "Ms. Lloyd?"
She span on her heel, face lighting up.
"Blaine! Hey! What’re you doing here?" she motioned to the couch set neatly off to one side and they both sat, Blaine crossing one leg over the other as was his wont. He hadn't been doing it lately but something about being back in Dalton reinforced the old Blaine and he couldn't help the habit.
"I figured I'd come back and say hi to the Warblers, I haven't seen some of them since before the summer"
"You did up and leave us a bit quickly there" she said curiously "anything I should know about?" he hesitated for a moment, considering telling his former councillor his suspicion but balked at the last minute and shrugged
"No. McKinley is…good. I have friends there" he tried to hold it back but failed in hiding the grin spreading across his face at the thought of Kurt. He nodded his head in embarrassment.
"Friends?" Ms. Lloyd said questioningly, a small smirk playing at her lips. She really did know Blaine too well.
"Well one in particular. My b-boyfriend" he stumbled over the word, feeling strange saying it in this office of all places "his name is Kurt" she let out an excited little squeak and Blaine had to remind himself that she was only in her mid twenties and still prone to getting excited over the love lives of her students. He felt the blush creeping up from his chest right to the tip of his ears and let his eyes fall to his lap again, laughing lightly.
"Oh I'm glad you've found someone" she said happily and then her posture and tone changed slightly and Blaine knew what was coming "does Jake-"
"Jake doesn't need to know anything" he said firmly "I haven't spoken to him and I don't intend to"
"Okay, don't worry I won't say anything. I hardly see him anymore and I'm not particularly fussed." Then she looked suddenly horrified "don't repeat that"
"Don’t worry. I'm not even your student now, technically you can say whatever you want in front of me" he reassured her
"And technically seeing as you're not my student anymore" she stood and moved towards her desk, shuffling around her second draw before pulling out a battered looking file with his name on it. She handed it over, sitting herself back down "you can have that now. You might need it for any future treatment, but seeing as this was never an official thing it won't be much help in terms of professional therapy but maybe it'll help you" she smiled warmly down at him "are you still seeing anyone?"
He shook his head, folding his hands over the file on his knees.
"Well if you ever do, make sure to let them know how to get in contact with me, I may be of some help in terms of history and how best to help you"
"Thank you" he said quietly, flashing her a one sided smile. She reached forward and squeezed his arm fondly
"I believe in you Blaine, don't forget it" he let out a sigh and looked around
"This place really hasn't changed" he noted the same shade of lethal red adorning the walls, the dated but immaculate furniture, the pictures around the room making it feel as homely as Kurt's living room. He couldn't help but pull up the similarities, seeing as Kurt's home and this office were the two places he had actually felt safe within the last eight months. His eyes finally settled on the chair positioned in front of the desk, a chair he had by all counts claimed as his own. It didn't matter how many boys took it in anger or fear or resentment it would always be Blaine's. He'd seethed in here, cried in here, become a better person in here. He'd fallen apart and learnt to put himself back together in here. It was only after he left that things had begun to turn sideways again. Even just being back in her Blaine could feel a sense of calm settling over his limbs, clearing his mind and warming him right through.
"Well I should probably close up for the day" she sighed, snapping him out of his reverie. He stood with her, awkwardly holding out his hand until she pulled him in for a one armed hug. He smiled as they both pulled back, turning for the door.
"Thank you again. For everything." He said as he opened the door, watching her move back to her desk and open her briefcase.
"No problem, just doing my job. Don't give up Blaine. You're a good person, don't forget that" he nodded, lips tight together and left, closing the door softly behind him with the muffled "good luck" warming him as he wandered slowly back towards the senior commons.
The hall was illuminated by the late afternoon light, heavy and golden and glowing across potted plants and mahogany cabinets lining the halls. He felt his heart jerk painfully in his chest again. It wasn't like McKinley wasn't home…it was different. Kurt was his home at Mckinley, but a different type of home. Dalton was his birthright, his solace and his place of comfort. It would take a lot to replace that.
He was turning a corner close to the wall so should have seen it coming when he collided messily with a tall boy wielding a black violin case. His hand holding the file shot out to catch it, dropping the wad of papers in the process. He flipped it quickly and got a firm hold, smiling until he noticed the golden initials carved near the latch.
His heart froze in his chest, cold tendrils of fear creeping across his skin, the other boy was fumbling around on the floor, muttering apologetically and it wasn't until he stood, half a head taller than Blaine, that his face fell and eyes widened.
"B-blaine..i- what're you…I don't" he stuttered, clutching the file. Blaine held out his hand and offered the case, wincing as the boy's hand brushed his. Then he made to move around him but the boy side stepped and forced Blaine to stop. He didn't meet his eyes as he spoke, voice low and threatening.
Honestly though, he was shivering with fear rather than anger
"Jake, I swear, get out of my way"
"Wait, Blaine just…hear me out, I wanted to ap…apologise"
"I am not interested" he shoved past him and down the corridor, hearing footsteps behind him.
"Blaine you can't keep avoiding this"
Blaine stopped, turning slowly, glaring with such intensity he was surprised he didn't turn into Cyclops and sear right through him. "I can avoid this as long as I like, Jake" he spat, clutching the file so hard his knuckles turned white. There was nothing but pure unadulterated rage pounding though his body. His hands shook with it and he hated it. Hated what Jake could turn him into. He couldn't tell whether it was the fear bubbling deep inside him causing the reaction or whether it was the way Jake's lips were twitching at the corners into that familiar smirk.
"You look good Blaine. Better" he said, as off hand as though they were old school chums meeting in the middle of a mall twenty years later. Blaine almost laughed, mostly out of hysteria.
"I cannot believe you have the nerve" he breathed "it was you that made things bad in the first place you…" he cut himself off, touching his closed fist to his lips and keeping his eyes off the boy in front of him "you know, this isn't worth the time" he turned again and made off down the corridor, ignoring Jake's insistent calls from behind him. It seemed he wasn't quite done however because Jake paused and yelled one more time
"You know the Warblers; they welcomed me with open arms. So much for best friends huh?" Blaine stuttered in his stride but carried on walking, closing his eyes a moment longer than a blink. He didn't have the time or the energy to deal with that right now.
He completely bypassed his previous destination and made swiftly for the parking lot, throwing his file across the seat and falling down into his own as soon as he had the door to his Porsche open. This was one of the places the car didn't look out of place. He sat for a moment in silence and then in a sudden fit of anger slammed his hands against the steering wheel. Jake always had to go and fucking ruin it. Every fucking time. He rubbed his hands over his face, angry tears burning in his eyes. He swatted the loose ones away, breathing heavily through his nose and put the car into gear. He would apologise to his friends later, say he got a call and needed to go.
Too much history he thought as he pulled out too much pain, too many ghosts.