Aug. 21, 2013, 3:43 p.m.
Teacher's Pet: Chapter 16: Emma Pillsbury
E - Words: 2,683 - Last Updated: Aug 21, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 20/? - Created: Jul 01, 2013 - Updated: Aug 21, 2013 163 0 0 0 0
Kurt sat in the choir room in the back corner, legs crossed, and notepad balanced on his lap as he tapped his chin with his sharpie. He gazed down at a drawing he'd been doodling all during Mr. Schuester's weekly rant about some burnt out rock star who dropped his career to be a drug addict.
The drawing he had fumbled with the past period was a small sketch of Blaine's face, and tiny bubbly hearts bursting out of his ears. It was cheesy, of course, but sitting alone in the corner of the classroom allowed him to let his mind wander. He missed Blaine's touch so much, those large hands caressing the small of his back after they would collapse against each other, bodies sweaty and heated, and Kurt would rest his head against Blaine's chest, hearing the thump of his heartbeat right under his ear. He as well missed Blaine's smell, and he guiltily stole one of Blaine's italian leather jackets from his coat closet, which smelled of heavy cologne and peppermint mints he had left in the breast pocket. Sometimes Kurt would lock the door to his bedroom and cuddle the jacket to his face, letting the scent of Blaine rock him to sleep.
But most of all, he missed those three words that Blaine would whisper, no matter what situation, no matter what they were thinking about, Blaine would always take that small moment to lean in close, brush Kurt's bangs back from his face, and press his lips against his ear lobe, whispering those three words.
"I love you."
Kurt could feel his eyes start to well up with tears, and quickly wiped them away with the palm of his hand.
You have to stay strong, soon he will be all yours, and you will be his.
The clap of Mr. Schuester's hands made Kurt jump in surprise.
"Kurt are you okay?" The high pitched voice belonged to Rachel halfway across the room, and Kurt cleared his throat.
"Yes, Rachel, I'm fine."
"But you look like you're about to cry..."
"I'm fine Rachel."
Saved by the intercom, Ms. Pillsbury's voice echoed through the speakers.
"Kurt Hummel please report to the guidance office."
Kurt grabbed his side bag and swung it over his shoulder before dismissing himself from the class. All eyes on him, but he ignored them, pacing quickly down the hallway. He entered the guidance office through the glass door and closed it behind him with a sigh.
"Hi Kurt."
"Hi Ms. Pillsbury."
He seated himself across from Ms. Pillsbury as he done for the past few months. His sessions, surprisingly, had been quite therapeutic for himself, spilling out all his hidden emotions to Ms. Pillsbury, and confessing his self struggles. Although, for obvious reasons, he could not name Blaine's name, he would go on on to his counselor about how he had found the love of his life, but sadly their romance was similar to Romeo and Juliet's, and they could not be together. It felt amazing to be able to confess how he felt about Blaine, and pour his heart out about the nights he would cry clutching his 'lovers' jacket and missing him entirely.
"So, has anything current occurred with this 'lover' of yours?" Emma asked, flashing Kurt a comforting smile.
Kurt sighed and sat back. "Not really, it's still the same. I see him in the hallways and smile at him, but in return I get a harsh glare and chastising words from him."
Emma nodded, scribbling in her little notepad, making tiny bullet points. "Okay, so it's all been the same. No emotional trauma's, no crying in the bathroom stalls..."
"Well, there's always that." Kurt mumbles, folding his arms.
Emma gave a heavy sigh, setting her pen down. "I'm worried about you, Kurt. You don't seem as happy and joyful as you used to be these past few years. And even with the bullying you could still pick yourself back up and sing your heart out in the hallways. I have a bad feeling about this boy..."
"It's just love." Kurt quickly interrupted. "I'm pulling myself down he's just...trying to protect me from losing him."
"There's a difference between protecting someone else and protecting yourself.."
Kurt looked up at Emma and nodded slowly, feeling himself shrink into his chair as she stared right into him, as if she was searching his soul for the deeper dilemma.
"He has to ignore me to protect me." Kurt says softly, looking down at the desk.
"But look what it's doing to you, you mope, and shut people out of your life..."
"I'm getting good grades..."
"Kurt..." Emma reached across and patted his arm. "It doesn't matter what's happen scholastically in your life, I'm worried about how you look physically and how you are treating yourself mentally. You treat yourself as if you are worthless without that boy, as if your whole life revolves around him and he directs what you do with your life."
Kurt stayed silent, swallowing a lump in his throat.
"Why don't you just leave him?" Emma asks, and Kurt looks up at her with wide eyes, shaking his head quickly.
"No, no. I-I could never do that Ms. Pillsbury you have to understand." He hugs his arms around himself. "He's perfect to me. And I know he loves me, he's told me before. But when the school year started he was worried that peopl-...well students were going to think less of him because he was dating me, and he didn't want me to get in trouble...I mean bullied."
Emma nods slowly. "So he's a jock?"
Kurt shakes his head. "No, he just has some peers that may or may not support our relationship...I'm not exactly what he usually goes for." He rubs his arm as he thinks about the past men Blaine had told him about, how they were all in their late twenties, gorgeous like models, but had the IQ of an infant.
"Out of all our meetings you've never told me why you actually like this boy so much."
"I don't like him." Kurt shakes his head. "I'm actually in love with him and I think he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."
Emma had only one word to say. "Why?"
Kurt had no idea where to begin. "He...he protects me, you know? He makes sure I'm safe and out of harms way. He's extremely intelligent and wise, and he knows right from wrong, and has learned from his mistakes so he won't make them again." He starts to smile to himself. "And he's so generous, he cares about people and their emotions, he tries to do his best to keep people safe, and risks taking people away from his life so they won't be ripped away out of force. He loves people, and sacrifices relationships so people don't get in trouble. He has a heart of gold, Ms. Pillsbury...and I love him so much for that. He's protecting me, he really is, and once school is over we're going to move away, far far away from here, and we're going to have a happy ending. He knows what's right for me, and if that's taking a break during the year, so be it."
Emma stared at Kurt for a moment, narrowing her eyes before she spoke softly, scribbling down as she began to talk. "I see you in the hallways, you know, your shoulders are slumped, you walk as if you're about to be shoved or physically hurt any minute. You're eyes are always wary and you talk about yourself, like you're worthless."
Kurt dropped his head, shrugging his shoulders. "It's for the best..."
"Kurt." She says gently. "I think it's time you told me who this boy is, you're dying inside without him and you need to tell him how you're really feeling inside. We can sit him down in here, nobody has to know, we can even schedule sitting in a classroom after school. You need to tell me his name so you're not suffering from his absence for the rest of the year..."
"I can't." Kurt croaks out, covering his flushed face in his hands. "I'm sorry I just..." He breathed in slowly, holding back his tears. "I love him, I love him so much I can't lose him I can't. It would be more painful to lose him completely."
"I realize that but you need to talk to him..."
"I have..."
"Then let me..."
"No!" Kurt protested. "If he knows I told someone he would never forgive me, I can't live without him, I can't."
Emma observed him for a moment, quickly getting up from her desk and walking over to Kurt and sitting down next to him, rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the crying boy.
"Okay, that's okay." She pats his shoulder. "I think you should go home and get some rest. We're done for now, I don't want to stress you anymore than you have been."
Kurt nodded and sniffled, taking the tissues Emma handed him and wiping the tears that started to fall from his eyes. "Thank you." He got up and grabbed his back before walking out of the office, leaving Emma to stare after him with a look of concern. She sat back down in her own chair and grabbed a book of numbers from her desk drawer, quickly typing out a classroom number into the school phone.
"Rachel Berry please report to the guidance office."
***
Kurt strode up the stairs as he arrived home from school, his feet dragging and his hand barely lifting his side bag off the floor. His dad called out a hello, which he merely responded to. He felt exhausted, fatigued from trying to keep himself strong and content. He wandered down the hallway to his bedroom and closed the door behind him with a worn out sigh. His bag dropped from his hand as he forced himself to head over to his bed, and once near the edge, he collapsed back onto the neatly-made sheets, sprawling his enervated body out and resting his head back, his eyes feeling droopy with sleep. He kicked off his shoes before he moved up on the bed to lay his head on one of the cushy pillows, and sneaked his hand under the one aside him to pull out Blaine's leather jacket. A small smile slowly spread across his lips, along with the tears returning to his eyes. He had been growing very sensitive the past months of missing Blaine, and couldn't even make it to bed without groaning over his absent touches.
The jacket, of course, was still holding Blaine's scent in its fine leather, and Kurt pushed it to his chest to cuddle it, the neck of the jacket pressing to his nostrils so he could close his eyes and imagine Blaine's presence right beside him in bed. He did this every night, and it was the only routine holding that last piece of his sanity together. He nuzzled his nose against the material of the jacket and breathed in that musk scent. His hand clutched at the back of the jack, and his other arm squeezed it to his upper body. Sometimes he would stroke his fingers along the back and pretend he was stroking Blaine's back, or trace his fingers around the black coloured pockets and smiled softly as if him and Blaine were sharing each other's warmth in bed, and feeling each other's bodies with the pads of their fingertips. He could feel the scent start to cause him to feel weary, and he dragged a blanket over his body and the jacket, listening to the sounds of his father's power tools dragging on in the basement, and finally, with Blaine on his mind, he dozed off into a deep sleep.
***
Rachel sat with a beaming smile across from Ms. Pillsbury in the guidance office, legs crossed hair pushed back from her shoulders. "Good evening, Ms. Pillsbury, is everything okay? Usually I pick up my good citizen awards on monday's..."
"Everything is fine, you're not in trouble. I wanted to consult you about Kurt..."
Rachel's smile disappeared. "Is...is he okay?"
Emma shook her head slowly. "No, I don't believe so. He's been telling me about a boy who goes to this school. He's crazy about him, absolutely head-over-heels but... what Kurt is feeling about him...it's just not healthy."
Rachel nodded slowly, playing nervously with her fingers. "Really?"
Emma sighed. "I just want him to be happy again, to be free of this relationship he's stuck in. Do you know of anything that Kurt has been talking about lately? Or a friend that you think may be romantically involved with him?"
Rachel bit her lip and shook her head. "No, no I'm sorry I have no idea."
Emma raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
Rachel nodded quickly.
"Because if you don't...I'm afraid Kurt will have to be hospitalized for severe depression. If this gets any worse Kurt could start shutting down, ignoring people, focusing on that one person that he believes supplies what he truly needs."
Rachel stared with wide eyes, looking down at her hands and breathing out a sigh. She promised Blaine, she had, but she didn't want Kurt to fall like that. He's been through so much, she can't let him become a mess because she didn't help him in his time of need."
"He's dying inside, Rachel, he's obsessed with this boy and all he is doing is hurting him."
Rachel started to tear up.
"You have to tell me."
"Blaine Anderson."
Emma froze. "What?"
Rachel let out a sob and covered her mouth. "I promised I wouldn't tell but...Kurt is dating Mr. Anderson, the English teacher. I don't want him to get hurt, I don't want either of them to get into trouble please promise me..."
"Thank you, Rachel." Emma gets up and faces the bookshelf, her hands on her hips. "You're doing a great thing by telling me."
"Ms. Pillsbury Mr. Anderson is a wonderful man, please don't do anything."
Rachel was in hysterics, feeling as if she broke one of the strongest loves of her entire life, but Emma turned around and shook her head. "I need to figure some things out, you are dismissed, Rachel."
And with that, Rachel left the guidance office with tears in her eyes, leaving Emma to stand completely dumbfounded and shocked in the middle of the room, staring down at her white heels.
"I knew it." She whispered, breathing out and closing her eyes. "Oh Kurt..." It all came together now, Emma realized that every single word Kurt said matched their relationship. Taking a break to stay out of trouble, ignoring so no one would suspect anything. Kurt wasn't exactly what Blaine went for. It all made sense. Blaine was dating Kurt, a student, and if someone found out, either the superintendent or Kurt's own father would rip them apart and fire Blaine, putting a record of child seduction on his teaching license.
It would ruin them both, and Kurt couldn't stand the thought of living the rest of his life without Blaine, which was why he was risking a year without any touches or hugs. But sooner or later Kurt was going to fall hard. And she couldn't allow that to happen. She needed to talk to Blaine or he was going to cause Kurt emotional trauma. Whatever relationship they had, it was completely unhealthy.
She needed to talk to Blaine before it was too late...
She grabbed her cellphone and dialed a number, waiting anxiously in the doorway of her office.
"Will?" She said as an answer came through. "I'm fine, are you with Blaine?"
"Yeah what's up?" Will answered.
"Tell him to meet me tomorrow in my office."