Kurt had forgotten what not talking to Blaine felt like. They had fallen into this routine of waving at one another in the hall. Of sending each other flirty little text messages and on very rare (and incredibly stupid) occasions, light making out in empty classrooms. He didn't realize how much he loved all of that until it suddenly stopped.
After Blaine had stormed out of Kurt's house and walked home in the cold, they hadn't spoken a single word to each other. Kurt had attempted to call and text Blaine to ask if he had made it home all right, but Blaine didn't answer. The only reason Kurt was able to sleep that night was because he had managed to sneak in the question to Beth on a phone call that involved a random question of, "What school do you girls go to?" to follow it with a phony explanation of, "A good friend of mine works there!"
When Kurt spotted Blaine in the faculty lounge two days after their fight, he found him sitting on the couch, tucked in the corner and bundled up in his coat and scarf. As Kurt made a pot of coffee, back turned to Blaine, he heard Blaine sniff and sneeze at least three times. That walk home had probably given him a terrible cold. Despite the fact that Kurt was furious with Blaine for leaving the house so suddenly and walking home, the man couldn't help but worry about the boy's state. After pouring himself a mug of coffee, he poured a second one and offered it up to Blaine who barely looked at Kurt when he took the warm mug. It was when Kurt was back over by the coffee machine that Blaine muttered a "thank you" to which Kurt responded a soft, "You're welcome.
After stirring in some cream and sugar Kurt turned and leaned against the counter to look over at the TV. The two sat in complete silence, nothing but the sound of the muttering voice coming from the TV filling the room. Blaine seemed to grow tired of the awkward tension between them, because ten minutes into it, he set his coffee mug aside and left the room without a word.
Kurt felt his heart sink a bit when the door clicked shut.
The rest of the day dragged on and Kurt half debated asking another professor to cover his last class so he could go home. He decided to stick through it, figuring giving his lecture for the day would help keeping his mind off of things if only for a short while.
The sad truth, though, was that it didn't. He found himself getting easily distracted and his mind seemed to wander back to Blaine almost constantly. He was grateful when class finally ended because he really had lost all ability to care about his lesson today and he was afraid of his students noticing. Thankfully, no body seemed to.
When the door shut with the last student leaving, Kurt sighed, dropping his head down to the desktop. It was a few seconds later that he heard the door open. He raised his head, nearly rolled his eyes because all he wanted to do was be alone and—
"Blaine." He breathed out the name, surprised.
The boy rubbed at his nose looking younger than ever in his oversized jacket. His eyes looked bigger and glassier than ever.
"I'm sorry," Blaine said almost immediately. "About everything."
"You're an idiot," Kurt said, trying his hardest to feel angry and bitter but failing miserably. He couldn't. Not when Blaine looked so sorry and pathetic and beautiful. "Why did you walk home like that? You could have gotten hurt. Or sick—you are sick, aren't you?"
Blaine looked down at his feet, guiltily. "I didn't mean what I said that night," he admitted softly. "I was—I had too much to drink and I—everything just felt so good and right and..." His cheeks looked pink. Kurt couldn't tell if it was because of his cold or if he was blushing. "I'm sorry for getting defensive. And as soon as I woke up the next morning I felt like the biggest jerk in the world."
"You were kind of a jerk," Kurt teased and Blaine looked up, eyes wide and eyebrows drawn together. When he noticed Kurt's gentle smile, he sighed with a soft pout. "But thank you," Kurt said, "for talking to me." Kurt stood and Blaine approached him, standing only a few inches away. After a moment, he dropped his forehead to the older man's chest and Kurt pulled his arms around Blaine, immediately pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
They stayed that way for quite some time. Blaine was the first to pull away and look up at Kurt with a smile. "I have to go," he said, "Margaret's probably looking for me but...I'll see you around ok?"
Kurt smiled. "Alright, sweetie."
Blaine paused for a moment, eyebrows jumping slightly before he nodded and grinned. "Bye," he breathed with a tiny laugh before he turned and walked out of the classroom. Kurt tried to bite back his grin as he turned to gather his things. Blaine's reaction to the pet name was precious and Kurt would definitely have to continue if he could get that out of Blaine again.
Kurt slung his messenger bag strap across his chest and quickly gathered his papers. He began walking towards the door, slipping the papers into his bag and almost fell back when he was suddenly colliding with another body. He stumbled back, regaining his balance and looking up to see Sebastian Smythe—of all people—standing in front of him, that smarmy little smile on his lips. "Uh, excuse me," Kurt huffed out before stepping to the side only to have his actions mirrored. Kurt stopped. "Do you mind? I need to get home."
"Jeeze, no need to be rude, professor. Are you really going to deny one of your students? I just have a few questions that weren't answered this week."
Kurt raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest. "You seemed to understand it well enough today. You were quieter that usual." Sebastian always had something to say. But strangely enough, he had been completely silent, taking notes like a normal student. Kurt hadn't really put much thought into it earlier today. "What confused you about the lecture?"
"Oh, I'm not talking about the lecture," Sebastian said with a rise of his eyebrows and a smirk.
"Then what, Smythe? I don't have time to play these stupid—"
"You and Blaine Anderson."
Kurt's stomach dropped. "What about him? He's an acquaintance." He managed to keep his tone even. Calm.
Sebastian laughed. "Really?" he asked with a slight tilt of his head, "Because last time I checked, 'just friends' —" he lifted his hand, making air quotes "—don't make out."
Kurt felt dizzy, like he was about to pass out. Was this was you're whole life falling apart felt like? "I have no idea what you're talking about," Kurt snapped. "I have to go."
Kurt pushed past Sebastian but the boy stopped him with his words. "Opening night. After the show. I saw you two. On the stage. You were really going at it, weren't you? Tell me this though: is he a good kisser? He sure looks like he knows how to work that tongue."
Kurt spun around. "Shut up!" he shouted. And for a brief moment, Sebastian looked surprised. His eyes went wide, but as quickly as it happened, it went and he was smirking again, crossing his arms.
"I knew you were the jealous type."
"I swear to god, Sebastian—"
"I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about," Sebastian sighed. "Listen, I get it. He's one hot piece of ass. Every gay dude in this school is dying for a taste. And, you know, I've had my fair share of hookups with older guys. So, I get it. But..." Sebastian gave Kurt a once over, "I really don't see what he sees in you. That's beside the point, though. I'm not gonna tell on you guys, that's not my style. I admit, I can be a bit of...well, an asshole sometimes, but I have my moments. So, you can calm your nips, Professor." Sebastian paused, tilting his head, "I will tell you this though," he continued, narrowing his eyes just a bit, "You're wasting your time and Blaine's time. You really think that you're what he needs? This whole thing is just going to end up holding him back. You've lived your life, you're done. He's just getting started."
Kurt's knees felt weak. His heart felt weak. He wanted to fight back. Tell Sebastian that he was wrong and that he was everything that Blaine needed. But this horrible part of him was agreeing with Sebastian because...he was right. As much as it hurt and angered Kurt to admit it, Sebastian Smythe was right.
Sebastian took a step towards him, and Kurt moved back a bit as if being near the boy would burn him. "I suggest you think about it," Sebastian said, patting Kurt's shoulder and brushing past him.
Before Sebastian was even out of the room, Kurt had made his decision.
The moment the door clicked shut behind the boy, Kurt dropped his head.
And cried.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
After the show the next day, Blaine asked Kurt if it was all right if he went over for a bit. "I just want to spend time with you. No funny business, I promise."
Kurt smiled at that, despite the way his heart was aching.
Blaine decided to make some tea when they arrived and Kurt watched him from the small dining room table. A silence stretched between them for a few minutes until Blaine brought up the talent scouts that announced they would be at the show tomorrow for the final performance.
"So, I have to be on my A-game," Blaine said as he carried both mugs over to the table. He set Kurt's down first and then took a seat across from him. "I did really well today," Blaine said with a proud little smile, "No mess-ups, no fumbles. Artie was so happy. He said he's pretty sure the talent scouts would want to talk to me tomorrow." He took a sip of his tea, "I'm trying not to over-think it though. Don't want to psyche myself out, you know? I also want to do it for you," he added the last part after another sip of his tea. "You worked so hard to get this part for me. Which I can't thank you enough for, by the way." He smiled across the table at Kurt and he felt his heart break just a little more. How was he supposed to do this? "This is my chance to finally do something with my life," Blaine said blowing into his tea.
And that was Kurt's cue. It was a sign. A reminder that Sebastian was right. That Blaine did have his entire life ahead of him and he didn't need Kurt holding him back.
"You're right," Kurt finally said, speaking for the first time since they walked into the house.
Blaine dipped the bag in and out of the hot water, "Hm? Right about what?" he asked before glancing up at Kurt.
"Maybe we should end this?"
Blaine was taking a sip of his tea and coughed, almost dropping the mug. "What? I—I never said that, Kurt."
"I'm just holding you back," Kurt explained, practically repeating Sebastian's words. "You've got so much ahead of you, honey. I lived my life. You—"
"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" Blaine looked hurt, offended.
"No. Nothing at all," Kurt said softly. He reached across the table to grab a hold of Blaine's hand. "You've done nothing wrong, Blaine."
"Please, don't do this," Blaine begged, tears filling his eyes. "Please, Kurt. Don't. You can't do this to me."
"I promise it's for the better. I know what I'm saying." His heart was crumbling. He felt nauseous and cruel. "I need to let you go. This is for you."
"No you don't," Blaine practically sobbed out. "You don't have to, Kurt, you really, really don't."
Kurt felt like he could fall apart at any second. But he had to hold himself together. For Blaine. He couldn't let Blaine see him crumble. He couldn't let him know that this was the most painful thing he had ever done in his thirty-two years. "I love you," he whispered. It was the first time either of them had said those words.
And Blaine knew it because as soon as the words left Kurt's mouth, he fell apart, sobbing into his hands, shoulders shaking violently.
Kurt stood, walking around the table and placing his hands on Blaine's shoulders. The boy flinched away immediately. "Please, don't touch me," Blaine cried out softly through his tears. Kurt took in a shaky breath before nodding, tears silently spilling over his cheeks.
It was an hour later that Blaine finally asked Kurt to take him home. It was a long, silent ride. When Kurt's car pulled up to the front of Blaine's house, the boy kept his eyes trained ahead. Kurt looked at him to see his nose was red and face puffy. After a few moments, Blaine turned to face him. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked, a hint of desperation in his voice.
Kurt's throat clenched before he nodded.
Blaine leaned in and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Kurt's mouth. When he pulled back he pressed his forehead to Kurt's before kissing him one last time and pulling away. They looked at each other, blue eyes staring into honey hazel for minutes. Kurt was the first to tear his gaze away, looking down at his lap. Blaine took that opportunity to get out of the car. When he closed the door and stepped back Kurt drove away, peering at the rear view mirror at Blaine who stood in the street watching until the car disappeared around the corner.