Aug. 17, 2011, 8:30 a.m.
Grande Non-Fat Mocha: Speak
E - Words: 3,079 - Last Updated: Aug 17, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Aug 06, 2011 - Updated: Aug 17, 2011 2,903 0 2 0 0
Kurt sat in front of his vanity mirror, staring at his own reflection. His hair was pushed back with a sweat band and his eyes were a little bloodshot from the lack of sleep last night. It had taken Kurt hours to fall asleep after Blaine left his room. He just lay in the darkness of his bedroom on his side simply staring at the wall with this struggle pulling and tugging away at his brain. He wanted to apologize. Go after Blaine and just tell him he was sorry. But for some reason, Kurt felt more ashamed than ever now. More than he had been before. Which, he wasn't even sure why he had been ashamed to begin with. Maybe it was the idea that he was letting himself be pushed around by the last person at McKinley that should have been pushing him around. Karofsky had kissed him, hadn't he? So, that meant that he had feelings for Kurt. That thought alone made Kurt sick to his stomach. Simply knowing that the boy who had caused him so much pain and suffering was actually attracted to him in some strange, violent way. Kurt hated the way his back looked. It was so ugly and battered and it made him look like some kid living in an abusive home which was the exact opposite of his situation. Kurt came from a very loving, caring home. He couldn't stand knowing that he was bring that hate from school home with him with these bruises tainting his back.
With a deep breath, Kurt wiped at his face with a small towel and dropping it onto the dresser before he pulled off the sweatband and stood, moving around his bed, tugging his loose fitting t-shirt on as he began rummaging through his closet for something to wear. He settled on a plain black t-shirt with a blue cardigan and black skinnies. He didn't even bother with shoes for now considering he wasn't going out anytime soon. Kurt suddenly realized that he had gotten dressed just to go downstairs all because Blaine was down there. He wanted to look nice for Blaine. Kurt's heart sank as he began thinking about the older boy again. That look that painted his features last night right before he left Kurt's room. He looked so incredibly hurt and confused. Like he was trying so hard to figure Kurt out. Get into his mind and search for the answers Kurt refused to give him. He had been civil about it. He had been kind, like always, and left Kurt's room without a fight because he respected Kurt. But, Kurt didn't seem to be doing the same for Blaine and that made his heart weigh down deep in his chest with nothing but guilt.
Pulling on a pair of socks (these past few days had been ridiculously cold and because of that, the tile in the kitchen was always freezing) Kurt silently slipped out of his room and quietly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen to find it empty. It was the middle of the week so that meant that Carole and his dad had probably already gone off to work-Kurt glanced at the clock on microwave that read ten o'clock and, yep, they were definitely gone by now. Finn was probably still asleep and Kurt had no idea if Blaine had work today or if he was even awake. Pulling the fridge door open, Kurt pulled out the carton of orange juice and as he closed the door and turned, he found Blaine standing at the entrance to the kitchen making Kurt jump a little as a hand flew up to his chest. He let out a small huff of air before moving to the counter to set the carton down and pull out a glass. "You scared me," Kurt breathed as he uncapped the juice and began pouring it into his glass as Blaine apologized softly. Then Kurt spoke again, "Would you like some juice?" he asked over his shoulder to which Blaine nodded with a gentle smile. Were they going to even mention what happened last night? Or leave it as the giant elephant in the room? That would make for very uncomfortable and awkward situations with Blaine. He had never felt this tense around Blaine and he absolutely hated it.
Grabbing a glass for Blaine, Kurt filled it with the juice before putting the carton away and handing the older boy his glass to receive a little "Thanks" in response. Kurt nodded a little before taking a little sip from his cup. They stood in complete silence, avoiding each other's eyes for a minute or so before Blaine finally broke that silence with his careful, gentle words, "So, about last night…" he began and Kurt didn't look at him, just kept his eyes locked on the magnets scattered about the refrigerator's door. Despite that, Blaine continued to speak. "I'm sorry for prodding. I was a little out of line. I know it…isn't my place to try and force something like that out of you. I, of all people, should understand that. So…I'm sorry, Kurt." There was nothing but sincerity and honesty in Blaine's voice and Kurt didn't have to look at his face to believe that. He could hear it.
Kurt wasn't sure how long they stood in silence. Blaine watching him and Kurt keeping his eyes anywhere but on Blaine. But eventually, he heard the boy speaking up again, gently calling Kurt's name, voice a little concerned. Finally, Kurt turned his face to look at Blaine who looked devastatingly worried. No one-besides his own father-had ever looked at Kurt like that before and it made Kurt's heart jump. The concern that Blaine had for him was enough to nearly bring Kurt to tears because he couldn't believe that someone-after knowing Kurt for a little over a month-could feel so strongly about him. Look at him like this and just care so much.
"I've been wanting to tell you about it for weeks," Kurt said suddenly. His voice was frighteningly quiet. "But I just couldn't bring himself to do it. I hate the way they make me look. It isn't me. I just keep hoping they'll fade away but he just keeps shoving me into the walls and lockers and I get new bruises on the old ones- and it only makes it worse-and they're just taking so long to heal-and I'm so ashamed when I look at them in the mirror because nobody, not even my dad knows about them. He doesn't know that Karofsky shoves me into the lockers almost every single day." His words came out in this desperate rush and Kurt couldn't stop himself. All of these thoughts that had been clogging his thoughts for so many weeks were finally being let out in this huge string of words and Kurt just couldn't stop because his emotions were running wild and he had been wanting to talk to someone about it but refused to do so. The way Blaine had been looking at him a minute before just brought everything out before Kurt could stop himself. "And it just breaks my heart," he said softly as he placed the glass on the counter behind him. He could feel his hands shaking a little and he knew if he didn't set that glass down he would end up dropping it. "It kills me just knowing that my dad doesn't have a clue. He doesn't know half the stuff that goes in at McKinley because I won't tell him. I can't. He's been through so much this past year-and he's sick-" Kurt cut himself off with a shaky sigh. Blaine was just staring at him from across the small kitchen with that same look that just killed Kurt. That made him want to tell Blaine all of his secrets. Open up to him and talk about all of his insecurities and tell him all about his past. It made Kurt trust this boy he had only known for a short while.
"I know it isn't fair," Blaine's voice was soft as he spoke. "But things will get better, Kurt."
"How do you know?" Kurt suddenly found himself asking, surprised at his slightly cold tone. It was just a frustrating situation and it felt like it would take for ever to get better. His shoulders slumped a little, as he gave Blaine an apologetic look at his sudden snappy question. Blaine didn't seem to mind.
"Because it always does. For people like you. People like us. You will pull through it. You are one of the strongest people I know. Your confidence astounds me." As he said this, Blaine smiled a little, that hard, concerned look melting away. "Very soon, things will take a turn for the better." Blaine seemed so incredibly sure about this and for a moment, Kurt was completely convinced that what this boy was saying was absolutely true.
Setting his glass aside, Blaine crossed the kitchen and stepped up to Kurt, smiling up at him. He held out his arms a little. With a raise of his eyebrows, Blaine silently asked if he could hug Kurt. Was Blaine really asking permission to hug Kurt? That was totally unnecessary, but considering what happened last night, Kurt could understand why Blaine was so careful about this. Kurt nodded almost immediately and felt those arms pull around him to tug him into a tight embrace. Kurt's arms pulled loosely around Blaine's neck and they just stood there, holding one another for a few moments. And then, Blaine muttered against Kurt's shoulder. "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." And then he pulled away to look up to Kurt as he clarified. "Harvey S. Firestone." And then a grin. "Did you know that he was the founder of the Firestone Tire Company?" he asked, obviously hinting at the fact that Kurt's family owned a mechanic shop.
Kurt couldn't help but smile at this. "Yes, Blaine. I have been raised by a mechanic. Don't you think I would be somewhat educated on the history of tires?"
Blaine was still grinning (and holding on to Kurt, which was totally ok, too.) "That's right," he said with a little laugh. "I'm sorry. How dare I?" Kurt gave Blaine a little shove, instantly missing the way the older boy's arms felt wrapped around his torso. He made no comment on it, though, only smiled softly as Blaine moved away to pick up his glass of orange juice and take a drink from it. Just like that, the subject had been pushed off to the side for the time being. Kurt had a sneaking suspicion that this wouldn't be the last time he and Blaine would talk about the bruises. He had a feeling Blaine would try asking more questions.
-----
It turned out that Blaine had to work that day he and Kurt spoke in the kitchen. He had a closing shift at work, which meant he would have been getting home past midnight. Kurt had offered Blaine his key so that he could get into the house without disturbing anyone. By the time the older boy had arrived home, Kurt had dozed off, so he didn't see Blaine until the following morning. Thankfully, Blaine didn't have work today, so that meant that Kurt had the older boy all to himself today and Kurt was very, very keen on that idea considering that, yes, he was pretty much in love with Blaine at this point and Kurt was happy to spend any time he could with Blaine.
It was early in the afternoon and Kurt found himself lying in his bed on his stomach, eyes on the screen of his television where The Sound of Music was playing. Beside him, Blaine was sitting, legs crossed Indian style, eyes trained on the screen. At least, that's what Kurt thought.
In reality, Blaine's eyes had wandered over to that back. Kurt didn't seem to notice, but his shirt was riding up in the slightest and Blaine could see one of those bruises Kurt had mentioned, though this one was already fading. It was low on his back, probably from the locks that jutted out from the lockers Karofsky pushed him into. Or maybe, Kurt had been pushed into some of the open metal doors, edges digging into his skin, leaving behind these painful looking marks. Blaine hated to admit that he knew that feeling all to well.
Before he could think about the repercussions or even stop himself, Blaine was reaching out to touch that back, where that sliver of skin was showing, revealing that little bruise that was probably a tiny hint to the others that covered Kurt's back. Fingers brushed over the Kurt's skin and Blaine could feel his stomach flip nervously as Kurt's head shot up from where it was resting over his neatly folded hands. Suddenly, the movie on the screen was forgotten by both boys as Kurt looked back at Blaine who, in turn, focused his eyes on Kurt. He didn't look angry, though. Just a little surprised at the sudden gentle touch and, really, Blaine couldn't blame him. It was out of the blue and totally unannounced. The tension that built up in Blaine when he saw Kurt lift his head melted away when he realized that Kurt didn't give him the same look had had last night before kicking Blaine out of his room. Now, he just looked a little nervous and Blaine could have sworn his cheeks were a little flushed.
Tearing his gaze away from Kurt's, Blaine's eyes lowered to that back, where he brushed his fingers over the bruise. "Can I?" he muttered quietly, eyes raising to meet Kurt's once more for confirmation. He just wanted to see how bad they were. He just wanted to make sure they weren't ugly and horrible as Kurt made them sound. When Kurt nodded (just barely), Blaine pushed the shirt up a little, examining the dark bruises that tainted Kurt's pale back. They looked so out of place and Blaine just wished he could just make them all go away by just touching them. Kurt's shirt was only pushed up half way up his back. There was no way Blaine was going to strip the boy because that would just be plain awkward. Brushing his fingers over the darkened marks, Blaine sighed. There weren't as many as Blaine expected, but there were enough to make Blaine frown, eyebrows pulling together. By this time, Kurt's face was buried in the crook of his elbow as if he was shamefully hiding his face from Blaine. "You don't have to be ashamed," Blaine was saying softly as he trailed his hand up the length of Kurt's back, stopping half way. There was something that was urging him to just lean down and kiss that back. Assure Kurt that everything was going to be fine and that these stupid bruises meant nothing. They didn't change him. They were just some temporary marks that would fade with time. But, Blaine couldn't bring himself to do that. He wanted to so bad, but was terrified to act on it. He and Kurt were just friends. And Blaine couldn't understand why he had this urge to kiss that skin in hopes of making it all go away. He just…really wanted to.
But he didn't.
He just kept his hand lightly resting over that warm skin. "They're not as bad as you think," Blaine muttered. "Really." Kurt looked back at him, eyebrows pulling together.
"Is that your way of trying to make me feel better?"
"I mean it, Kurt," Blaine said immediately, looking at Kurt seriously before glancing back down to tug at his shirt, pulling it down and giving the small of Kurt's back a gentle pat before he finally withdrew his hand to rest it on his own lap. Kurt's expression softened and Kurt smiled gently. "Don't worry too much about it, okay?" he assured Kurt before dropping down beside Kurt to lie on his stomach, head turned a little to look at his friend who didn't answer. Lowering his head a little, Blaine used it to nudge at Kurt's shoulder playfully. "Okay?" he asked again and Kurt laughed at the puppy dog like motion, nudging Blaine back with his own shoulder with a quiet, "Fine, whatever." though he smiled when he said this.
And soon enough, they were back to watching the movie, shoulders brushing every now and then and being so close to Kurt made Blaine's stomach fill with that familiar feeling of butterflies. That feeling he would always get the first few times he had seen Kurt. The first time Kurt had smiled at him. The first time Kurt laughed at his lame jokes. And throughout the movie, Blaine couldn't help himself as he kept thinking about that weird urge he had gotten earlier to kiss that skin. And he couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to kiss Kurt. At some point, Blaine caught himself blushing a little at these insane ideas swarming his mind and he hated it because he and Kurt were friends and Blaine didn't want to ruin that because he really, really cared about Kurt and his feelings and he didn't want to lose that special friendship he shared with the boy lying next to him. Blaine didn't think his heart to take that sort of pain if he messed this up.
Comments
I love this chapter! I love they way that they are able to talk everything out and get through it. Great chapter!
But Blaine!! YOU CAN HAVE BOTH!!!