Oh god, Kurt thought to himself, what have I done.

Kurt regained Blaine’s eye contact and silently pleaded with him; ‘please don’t tell me anything bad, I don’t know if I can handle it.’ Kurt could feel his hand starting to get hot and slick with sweat as Blaine held it firmly yet gently as if willing Kurt not to pull away.

“Kurt, I’m engaged, to another man.”

NO NO NO NO NO, Kurt’s head was screaming he could feel the hot prick of tears forming in his eyes, No how could this be happening!

Anger bubbled to the surface overriding any other emotion Kurt quickly pulled his hand away from Blaine’s he couldn’t look at him he couldn’t do anything Kurt took in a shuddering breath turned his head in Blaine’s direction and in a strong even voice the best he could muster said to Blaine “I don’t know why you came here, I don’t particularly care why you came here, but if you are not out of my apartment, in the next three seconds, I will call the police! Now get your shit and leave, I don’t ever want to see your face again!” Kurt ran toward his bedroom a sob tearing from his throat a second before he was able to close his door, he fell face first onto his bed, angry bitter tears spilling out onto his sheets.

Kurt doesn’t know how long he has been on his bed. He’s not even sure if Blaine actually left, he didn’t hear him leave, but then again, he had been sobbing pretty loudly. Eventually Kurt found a comfortable spot, cuddling the pillow that had Blaine’s smell all over it; he eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep.

When the sun shining through the open window became too bright to ignore Kurt finally opened his eyes, and for a minute he lay there in a blissful state, until flashes of the night before invaded his thoughts.

Kurt bolted out of bed and ran for his door but stopped short remembering that he hadn’t actually heard Blaine leave. He stood there and listened for a moment, on hearing nothing out of the ordinary he slowly opened the door to his now empty apartment.

Kurt wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling, sure relief that Blaine wasn’t here, but also sadness, a small part of him had wanted Blaine to be here waiting. He sighed audibly and made his way to the kitchen he needed coffee and lots of it.

Just as Kurt entered the kitchen an envelope propped up against the kettle caught his attention, his own name scrawled across the front, sighing he went over and picked it up, flicked the kettle on and opened the envelope inside was a letter and a keycard the kind that hotels have, It read ‘The Edison, Room 411’

Kurt quickly made his coffee and went and sat in the lounge he put his coffee on the little table and sat back to read the letter.

Dear Kurt,

I’m sorry there are no other words to express my feelings except to say I am deeply sorry. I waited last night, I waited for you to come back out, scream at me, and then we would have been able to talk but you never came, so I decided to write you this letter and I hope you will read It, and I sincerely hope that you realize every word is the truth.

Yes I am engaged, to a wonderful man. His name is Jake and we met my first year of college.

Jake asked me to marry him one year ago on our second anniversary and I said I would. He treats me wonderful, is kind and considerate, he loves me flaws and all, enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me, only me. I love him too, I just don’t know if that’s enough. I’m torn and that’s why I had to come and find you.

Because when I look at him, you are all I see.

When you left for collage I waited, I was willing to wait forever and as you know the first few months went great we would talk and text and Skype, then little by little you stopped calling. Now I’m not blaming you, I could have made more of an effort too, but I was busy with glee and school. Did you hear we got to nationals that year, we came second, but that didn’t matter, all of us left in the glee club that year said it was the best year we had ever had.

Suddenly I realized that three months had passed and we hadn’t spoken that realization broke my heart. So much I didn’t get out of bed for a week, but eventually life goes on, I had collage to prepare for. So I Did the only thing I could do I pushed you to the back of my mind, down into the deepest reserves, the place I rarely go.

My need to find you came at about eight months into my relationship with Jake. I had been walking across campus when I saw a man who looked a lot like you. I actually thought it was you so I followed him for a while just to make sure, that’s when slowly but surely the memories I had so carefully put away came to surface.

The first memory came to me as I was walking back toward my dorm room later that afternoon I saw it so vividly, I thought I was there again. It was of the moment I met you on those stairs at Dalton.

As the evening wore on it became like a film playing just for me, our time at Dalton and then at McKinley, glee club, every kiss, the first time we made love, and every time after that, the way you would hold my hand, the way it fit so perfectly in yours, the way it has never felt with anyone else.

I couldn’t sleep that night so I got up and checked my phone I went through every number but somehow yours wasn’t in there.

I didn’t know what to do; I decided the best thing would be to push those memories way back down from where they came.

I had a loving boyfriend and he was all I needed or so I told myself.

I found if I tried really hard I could suppress those memories, but there was no way I could keep them down for long.

I would spend nights dreaming about you. Even when I was with Jake, I would close my eyes and imagine that it was you kissing me, caressing me, making love to me.

I learned to live with these feelings, and I think that Jake never suspected, at least, if he did, he never confronted me.

Truth be told I could write a million things, tell you a million stories but I only want to tell you one.

One month ago I decided that before I got married I had to find you not just think about finding you, actually find you. It seemed as though you had dropped off the face of the earth. I called your dad and Carol, they weren’t able, or didn’t want to; tell me your phone number all they would say that you were in New York, that you were fine, and that I should leave the past in the past. I tried Finn, Rachel, and Mercedes also as a last resort Puck and Artie, no one had heard from you! I decided to pack a bag and just come here hope for the best.

I told Jake I needed some time to find myself. He was good about It. He told me to take all the time in the world, but truth be told I found it in less than a week.

I found myself, when I saw you.

I love you.

I always have.

I always will.

I’m hoping that maybe you read this; maybe by some dumb luck you will come before I leave.

I’m staying at The Edison Hotel 228 W 47th St, room 411.

I will be there for three days, after that I am going back home and you will never have to see me again.

Please come, even if it’s just to tell me that you don’t love me back, use the key-card I left you.

I don’t want a forever without you in it, even if it’s just as a friend.

Blaine

Kurt’s tears were flowing freely onto the letter, his tears mingling with the dried ones that Blaine must have shed while writing it.

A few minutes later Kurt looked up and around his empty lounge room, his eyes still wet with tears, he choked out a soft “So what the hell should I do now?”