Blaines POV

i don't know what's happening in my life.

I have an ex lover whos currently dating one of my closest friends, and who also kissed me and I didn't pull away. That kiss still lingers in my memory even tho I keep saying it meant nothing. The love of my life doesn't trust me and now I'm sleeping in his bed alone.

It's been a few days and Kurt hasn't answered my calls or texts. I'm worried. What if he doesn't come back? What if it's over? I have to think of something major to make him believe and understand that it's only him. Hes my life. My future. My everything.

I go to Rachel to help me brainstorm.

"I can't sleep. Eat. I can hardly focus at work. I need him back Rach, Please help"

"Blaine, honey, hes gonna come around. I think it's mainly his own fears of this not working out so he's projecting. Maybe he's afraid that you might change your mind. After Sebastian came back, I think, his insecurity kicked in about how much of a catch you are and he doesn't understand why you would choose him out of all your options."

"That's the thing - I didn't choose him. He chose me. I was the one afraid that he was going to see I wasn't good enough for him. He chose ME."

Rach leans over and put her arms around me

"It's going to be okay. We just have to think of something"

"Okay - but first can we get a drink?"

"Better idea, Ill invite everyone over and this way we can sing and dance and drink like fish and have NO worries"

"Sounds great"

About an hour later people start knocking on the door with lots and lots of booze.

At the end of the crowd is Andy. Andy and Sebastian. I can't be mad. I did tell him it was okay and I didn't specify to Rachel that he wasn't invited.

"Hey Andy...... Sebastian."

"Hey cutie" Andy says, no doubt already feeling a little tipsy.

"Hi" Sebastian says in a short tone

"Make yourselves at home" Rachel saves me from the awkward hellos

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking when I invited them"

"No Rach, its fine. This is our lives now. And as much as it's going to be an adjustment, Sebastian is a part of that now. Thanks to Andy, and you" I say that last part joking

 we start playing some drinking games. I'm having fun and I'm laughing for the first time in almost a week. Music is playing loud and everyone is jumping around dancing...

I take a break and walk into one of the spare rooms to check my phone. Checking to see if by any chance Kurt has texted me.

Sebastian is standing in the room. Theres a huge window with a view of the Brooklyn Bridge. He looks calm, like he's thinking about something.

"Sorry didn't realize anyone was in here"

"Oh I'm sorry, don't wanna overstep in someone else's house. I can leave if you need privacy"

"No I was just checking my phone"

"Yea, I noticed Kurt isn't here, working late tonight?" - He has no idea he's the reason Kurt hasn't spoken to me in 5 days

"Yea, working late" I lie, then stroll over to the bed and sit on the edge. I look at my phone again, nothing from Kurt.

"So - Andy?! I'm so happy you broke my heart and I went out drinking that night"

I look up at him

"Broke your heart?"

"Its an exaggeration, but - I was hurt"

"Ive said im sorry. You and Andy look good together. Looks like you guys get each other"

"We do. Were good. And dont worry. You made your decision years before I came along. I was just too blind to see it. That life"

He sits next to me

"I dont think Kurt is working late"

"Hes not" - I dont know whether its the alcohol or maybe its just the familiar feeling of being in his company, knowing I once trusted him, but I just know Im about to spill.

"What is it? You can talk to me" he says in a soothing voice

"This is a bad idea. Talking to you about Kurt."

"No, its not. Just talk to me"

I look over and I go on to explain and he sits and listens patiently.

"So he thinks youre not over me?"

"He cant accept that we were more than just a once night stand"

"Well we were, we were way more than that"

"Yea, i know, i understand what hes thinking. I just need to show him im all about him"

"Blaine. I know we had this conversation. And I respect your decision. But maybe he sees something you cant."

I get up and try walk out. I cant have this conversation again.

"Blaine! Please dont. Im sorry for overstepping, again! I just think from an outside point of view maybe hes sees something you havent seen yet. I could be wrong its just a suggestion."

He may be right. The thing is I love Kurt! More than any and everything in this world!!

"As much as it pains me to admit this, you may be right. Im not 100% sure what youre right about tho. Maybe Im distracted by something and kurt notices."

"Yea. Distracted by something" emphasis on the word something.

"Thanx Sebastian. Didnt think id be thanking you for advice with my boyfriend"

I notice thats the first time I say the word. Boyfriend. Ive only labeled us "together" ... I really do thank Sebastian for listening. But I think he has a point. But whats distracting me?

The next day I forget about all of the dramatics the night before. I forget about Sebastian giving me relationship advice. I forget that kurt hasnt answered my calls or texts or me and Rach trying to think of a master plan to get him to come home. I get James to take me to the townhouse.

I walk in

"Kurt? Kurt are you here?"

A half naked guy in speedos comes out.

"Kurt went to get breakfast, can I help you?"

"Yea, Im Kurts boyfriend, who the hell are you and why arent you wearing clothing?"

"Oh. Um. Kurt never mentioned a boyfriend. Ive been staying with him. Im so sorry. Let me get some clothes" he says genuinely confused

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!

He comes back, nicely dressed. Apologizes again for the awkward greeting, but refuses to leave because He demands answers from Kurt. And so do I!

It does annoy me he thinks he has the right to be here, but - if hes here kurt cant lie. Or blame anyone else!

"Should I call him" the fit blonde asks

"No, hes coming back and I want to see his face when he does!”

We wait about 20 minutes. The longest 20 minutes ive ever endured.

Little Mr Blondie tries to make small talk. No! Stop!

“So how long have you guys, um, been together?”

I look at him with my head tilted – in a ‘don't talk to me manner'. Poor guy, he didn't even know I existed, but im not here to braid hair and make new friends. Im LIVID. But im also in love. And there has to be a reason hes here. Im honestly afraid to ask him, blondie, but I need answers and im not leaving until I get them.

The doornob turns and we both jump up off our seats.

He walks in and his face drops. Hes in complete shock.

“Wh-What are you doing here?”

“Who me? What am I going here? Well call me crazy but I came to check on my fucking boyfriend that I havent spoken to in 5/6 days. Making sure hes still fucking alive. And from what I can see – you are – very much alive” I yell as im walking towards him in absolute rage

“Blaine”

“DO NOT BLAINE ME” – im beyond myself

“I stayed thinking I was going to get anwers but I can see this is more serious that I imagined” Blondie says as he walks toward the door “Kurt you can lose my number. I don't need this drama in my life.” And he walks out. Good move. I think I'll follow.

“Blaine please” he says in hysterics

“Kurt – whats happening?” I calm my tone and try and hear him out. Nothing he says will explain this in any good light. But I love this man. He doesn't just go around sleeping with people. I need to hear him out. I couldn't live with myself if I just walked out. Even tho that's exactly what I should do.

“Ive known Matt for a few years now. Hes one of the guys I casually dated. He was the first person I called when I left you the other day”

“Do you think the words youre saying is making the situation better?”

“No. But you want to understand and I want to explain. Please let me explain”

I take a seat with my coat still on, I feel like being here is dirty. This is supposed to be OUR home; where we are going to raise our children.

“I just kept picturing you and Sebastian”

“So does that makes it ok to run and sleep with him, Kurt. Because let me explain something to you. I havent slept with Sebastian since before he left. And as soon as he kissed me where did I go? Straight home, to my man, and explained exactly what happened. Meanwhile youre over here shacked up with some male bimbo??”

“Blaine please”

“Kurt, ive been killing myself trying to figure out how I can prove to you that you made the right choice choosing me to spend your life with, but right now the tables have turned.”

There is a posibility I can get past this. Theres a posibility I can forgive him for feeling insecure and not realizing how wonderful he is and not understanding - that it was him who chose me and not vice versa. I know Kurt and I know hes an amazing man with confidence thru the roof. But, theres a part of him that forgets that. A part of him that forgets hes this gorgeous, talented, smart, beautiful man. That's a part of him I fall weak for. The part I feel I have to take care of and protect.

“Blaine I wasn't in my right state of mind. I just kept thinking you were going to leave me. That you were going to regret making this stupid promise we made ages ago”

“Kurt there was nothing stupid about our promise. It was the one thing in my life that I knew was a sure thing. The one thing I looked forward to. The one thing I was working towards achieving”

We stay there in silence while Kurt quietly cries in confusion and embarrassment.

“I have to go. I think you should go home to your bed. I'll get a hotel for a little until we can figure this out. Im not just going to walk away from you Kurt, not like you walked away from me, but I need a few to wrap my head around things. Take James, tell him to take you home and I'll see you soon.”

“Blaine, I wont be able to breathe if you leave me”

“I know” - because I couldnt breathe when he left me!

I leave and find myself in the city. Walking around like a lost tourist.

Im not going to leave him, its not that black and white. Hes my life. My family. My world. I cant just walk away because he made a stupid, childish mistake. Hes forgiven me and accepted the things in my past/ Hes my best friend. I cant just walk away! That's not an option! Not with us! But I cant just say okay and let him think what he did is acceptable.

I need a drink.

I call Andy, yes Andy. I cant call Rach, shes probably consoling Kurt. And im not that close with many other people. Not people who I trust.

“Hey Andy”

“Hey Blaine, everything ok?”

“Yea, just need a drink, can you meet?”

“Um, Im with Sebastian at STIR right now, if you wanna come meet youre more than welcome”

I pause. But fuck it. I need a drink, and after the heart to heart Sebastian and I had the other night I don't see him as such a douchebag

“I'll be there in 20” and I hang up

STIR, I love this place. Great drinks, great food, hot bartender (eye candy is not a crime) and im here with maybe the only other 2 people that really know me in Manhattan.

“Hey guys”

“Hey” Sebastian welcomes me

“Hi there” Andy says and hugs me, hes a hugger

“Jack on the rocks for me and another round of whatever theyre having”

“Oh, someones had a bad day” Andy says in his sassy voice

“Lets just drink, dance a little. Im staying at the Empire” as soon as those words come out they both stop sipping and look at eachother then at me “we can get after hour drinks there. Let's just have some fun tonight”

“I take it Kurt still doesn't want to talk to you” Sebastian says

“No Sebastian – I don't want to talk to HIM” I grab my drink and head to the dance floor. I start dancing and letting loose. I down my drink and when I turn to get another one Andy is there with one for me.

“Thank you darling” I guzzle it and slide the cup on to the bar and drag Andy to dance with me. He has this face, hes never seen me like this before. I never caught my boyfriend with another guy before.

“Maybe we should sit for a few” Andy says

“No, you can go and sit, I'll be here” and I point down the the floor

He walks over and its like he switches with Sebastian, now hes standing next to me, dancing.

“Blaine, are you okay?”

“No Sebastian, im not okay, but I will be”

“Come on, just talk to us.”

“No – im gonna drink, and dance and when im ready I'll head back to my lonely hotel room – because YOURE sleeping at my apartment and my boyfriend is sleeping in his.

“You can move back if you want, I can always find something else”

“I bought a Townhouse in Brooklyn and I have every intention in living in it! With or without Kurt”

He drops and and keeps dancing. Andy joins us and we find ourselves laughing and just enjoying the music.

We take a few shots and head back to the dance. This is an awesome distraction – but I cant help but think from time to time that when I wake up I'll have to deal with this situation. I'll have to deal with forgetting what Kurt did.

Andy and Sebastian take me back to The Empire. Im really drunk but glad I had fun with the guys.

“Are you sure you can sleep here alone?” Andy asks

“Yes” I slur

“Andy do you mind giving me and Blaine a moment?”

Andy hesitakes but walks out the bedroom anyway

“Blaine – tonight was amazing. I remember when it was just us two painting the town red. Im happy we can be at a place where we can hang out again”

Im so drunk – hes so sexy – I cant think straight (pun inteded)

I havent felt like this is a long long time.

“Im glad too Sebastian. Im glad I managed to keep my hands off of you tonight”

“Im going to ignore you said that”

“You can ignore it all you want, youre a sexy piece of ass and you know it." I pause because I realize what Im saying but I cant stop myself

"What if you were right? What if he sees something I dont? What if I have reservations about the relationship because I want someone else?" 

Its a valid question drunk or not

"I dont think thats the case. I think you love him. I dont know what he did or said but you wouldnt be in this shape if you didnt love him, if he wasnt the one" 

He leaves me laying on the bed and once again has left me with wise advice. 

The next day I wake up feeling like shit! Head is spinning, lights are too bright. I check my phone and have. Text from Sebastian

Call me if you wanna talk

I respond 

Thanx for everything Sebastian.  Youve been a good friend thru this. Ill call if I need to

How did Sebastian become my new best friend over night?

I let a few days pass before I can wrap my head around the Kurt situation.

I had a few texts from Rachel checking up on me. Andy making sure Im ok and Sebastian of course. 

I dont know why - but I call up Sebastian. Invite him over for lunch at the Empire.

I need a friend. He doesnt know the whole story and I need to vent - so it works out in my favor. Plus, I know that even tho he may still have feeling for me - he will tell it to me straight. 

"Hey"

"Hey Sebastian. Im so happy you could make it."

"Lets eat, Im starved"

"Great"

We start eating and I immediately start venting. Sebastian sits and listens. And I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.

"So this is why you havent been yourself lately"

"Sebastian, I love this man! Hes my life! Hes been my life for 15 years!" 

"I know. So whats your plan?"

"Im trying to figure it out."

"Can I be blunt with u?"

"Please do, thats why youre here"

And Im afraid that whatever he says Im going to do because Im so confused and at this point I have no direction

"I think you need some time. Okay its been 15 years but you guys went from trying to townhouse in zero point 2 seconds.

I pause in confusion!

Fuck - I think hes right. All this time Ive been trying to make sure we stay together and I havent thought - maybe were better apart!