WEDNESDAY - PART III

“Oh.” Kurt’s face fell, but he quickly tried to cover up his disappointment like it was nothing. “I just thought that since you asked if I was free, then you might be free, but you probably already made other plans. It’s no big deal I –”

“Kurt,” Blaine cut him off quietly. Now was his chance to tell Kurt the truth. It wasn’t even a big deal to him at this point to tell Kurt he was the pianist, it was more that he felt nervous telling Kurt who he was because he had waited so long to do so to begin with. “Kurt, I can’t go to the concert with you because I…” Hazel eyes locked on blue and in that moment, Blaine wanted nothing more than to bare his soul to the younger boy. The thought scared him so much, he almost couldn’t breathe. “I can’t go because I… I already made plans with my brother,” he finished lamely, shoulders slumping in self-disgrace. His hand collapsed over top of the ticket, obscuring his own name that he couldn’t stand to look at.

Kurt reached across the table and ran a finger over Blaine’s wrist. “Hey, it’s okay. Really. You’re only in town for a week and you probably want to spend as much time with your brother as possible.” Thinking about the words that just fell from his mouth, Kurt pulled his hand back nervously. “I’m sorry. I’m probably monopolizing your time, aren’t I?”

It was Blaine’s turn to reach across the table, “Kurt, no.” He looped a finger over one of Kurt’s. “I love spending time with you.” Both boys paused in surprise at Blaine’s word use because it was scary how much it rang true. “It’s just…” I’m a coward, he thought. “Maybe we could meet up after the concert?” Kurt grinned at the thought and Blaine offered a weak smile in return. “Or sometime some time earlier in the day? Or both?” Blaine meant to sound lighthearted with his suggestions, but there was a hint of desperation in his voice. He selfishly wanted to be with Kurt as much as possible because in those moments, he felt grounded. He had someone to hold onto who he thought wanted to hold onto him in return. It was terrifying.

A wave a relief settled over Kurt. As much as he loved spending time with Blaine, he had a horrible feeling the feeling was one-sided because that’s how all of his previous crushes were. With Blaine, though, this wasn’t just a crush. Honest to goodness feelings were there and for once, they were coming from both parties. Though it pained him to see Blaine grasping at all opportunities to spend time with him the next day because it was a constant reminder that their time together was limited, Kurt never felt so wanted. He nodded, happy and sad tears threatening to breach the corners of his eyelids. “I have, uh, my math class again tomorrow morning, but I might be able to meet you for coffee before Shakespearean Comedy in the afternoon.”

Blaine sighed, grateful for more time – not only more time with Kurt, but also more time to tell Kurt the truth before the concert the next night.

They smiled at each other, glad to be on the same page with the amount that they were enjoying each other’s company. Both were falling too hard, too fast, and they still barely knew one another.

To get their mind off of what little time they had left, they started asking each other basic questions to find out more. Blaine’s favorite color was red and his face turned just that when Kurt pointed out how much he loved the other boy’s bowtie. Kurt’s favorite musical was Wicked and Blaine listened as Kurt recounted a diva-off with a friend from high school where he threw the High F in “Defying Gravity” to protect himself and his father from additional bullying.

The questions game went on through dinner but paused after they ordered dessert while Kurt explained to Blaine just how much intolerance he actually went through in high school. The bruises had long faded by now, but the emotional scars ran deep, and Blaine held Kurt’s hand as the younger boy shared stories with him that not even his father knew completely about.

Blaine’s heart ached while Kurt explained the daily shoves into lockers and weekly slushies to the face before his glee club’s rehearsal. Silent tears slid down both their cheeks as Kurt shared that his first kiss was stolen from him in the boy’s locker room junior year when a football player who had repeatedly called him every homophobic slur in the books, pulled him in close and forced himself on Kurt.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kurt,” Blaine whispered, wishing he could make Kurt’s pain go away. He felt guilty, knowing he escaped a similar fate by being put into a private high school. Money had bought him safety and that often ate away at him.

Kurt shook him off and collected himself. “It’s not your fault, Blaine. It’s in the past now and I’m still here. With you.” His eyes found Blaine’s as he gave a small, but meaningful smile. “And if that’s what it took, well… it was worth it.”

Blaine’s chest heaved in and out, feeling so much at those simple words. “Kurt,” was all he could say, he voice soft and broken.

“Here’s your coconut cake,” the server announced, completely unaware of what she just interrupted.

After clearing his throat, Blaine coughed out as polite of a Thank You as he could toward her before turning back to look at Kurt. The younger boy had picked up a fork and was already slicing through the tip of the cake, determined to have his mouth full so he would have an excuse not to say anything right away. Blaine couldn’t find the right words to respond to Kurt’s admission, so he too grabbed a fork and helped himself to a bite of their dessert.

They chewed in silence, each one looking at the other, not even trying to be sneaky at this point with their obvious attraction to the other. Blaine’s foot found Kurt’s under the table and they linked ankles, hoping the contact would help convey what their voices could not.

Dessert was finished quickly and without another word from either boy. When it came time to get the check, Blaine slid his credit card into the folder and returned it to the server before the receipt even had a chance to hit the table. Kurt shot Blaine a look and offered to pay for his half, but Blaine said that he was the one who asked Kurt to dinner, so he wanted to pay. Kurt insisted on leaving the tip and Blaine only caved because he knew Kurt was not going to give up until he got what he wanted.

As they said goodbye to the hostess and exited the restaurant, Blaine and Kurt clasped hands and headed in the direction of Kurt’s dorm. Even though he didn’t have any tests to study for that night, Kurt needed to put some finishing touches on his costume sketch so he would have free time between classes for their coffee date. Blaine was not expecting Kurt to invite him up and Kurt was grateful Blaine wasn’t the kind of guy who would ask that of him in the first place.

They lingered near the door, not wanting their night to end but knowing it was unavoidable. Blaine set his guitar case down and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist. Kurt slid his arms around Blaine’s neck and he leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. The younger boy’s eyes fluttered to a close as he took a deep breath and then asked, “This is real, right?” Blaine swallowed and tried to compose himself as his eyes slid shut and his heart tried to beat out of his chest. He nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around Kurt, pulling them into a hug. “And you really have to leave on Friday?”

In that moment, Blaine was ready to quit his entire career and take up residence in Kurt’s arms forever if it meant he could take away the sadness and fear in Kurt’s voice.

With a sigh, Blaine nodded his head again. “I do,” he said tearfully as he pulled away from Kurt to look the other boy in the eye. Kurt’s eyes were just as glassy as his, which made everything so much better and worse at the same time. “But we’re going to figure this out. Okay?” Time seemed to stop before Kurt finally gave a small nod. Blaine quickly embraced the other boy in another tight hug. “Okay.”

…

Blaine keyed his way into his brother’s apartment, mind occupied with how sad but beautiful Kurt looked when he left him a half hour ago. When they said their final goodnights with promises of coffee and more time together the next night, Blaine kissed Kurt softly on the forehead before picking up his guitar case and forcing himself to walk away. As he set his things down in the living room, he didn’t notice his brother sitting on the kitchen counter waiting for him.

“Hey, Blaine,” Cooper said loudly, causing the younger boy to jump. “You gonna tell me what’s going on, or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

“Jesus, Coop,” Blaine muttered as he yanked off his bowtie. “You gotta stop doing that.”

Cooper shrugged, not really caring that he scared his brother. “My apartment, little man. I can do or say as I please.” Blaine glared at his brother before making his way to the kitchen to grab them both a drink. After running into Cooper earlier in the drama building, he knew some sort of conversation was coming, so he was trying to buy some time before the inevitable happened. He hadn’t even closed the refrigerator door before Cooper started the interrogation. “So, Blaine, how long have you been seeing Kurt?”

Blaine opened his beer, “That’s none of your business.” He took a sip and looked away from his brother, knowing he was being childish, but he didn’t care.

“None of my business?” Cooper asked loudly. “None of my business? Blaine, you’re my brother and he’s my student, so I think that makes it my business. How long. Have you. Been Seeing. Kurt.”

Blaine exhaled through his nose. The sooner he cooperated, the sooner he could crawl into bed and wish he had done everything differently. “Since yesterday.”

“Since yesterday?” Cooper repeated, making sure he heard his brother right. Blaine nodded and took another sip of beer. “So, what are you two boyfriends or something?”

Blaine clenched his teeth. “It’s… complicated.”

“It’s complicated?”

“I swear, Coop, if you are going to repeat every fucking thing I say, I’m done here.” Blaine was angry, though mostly with himself and was taking it out on his brother.

Coop knew he had to back off a little or else he wouldn’t get any more information out of his brother. He took a minute and opened his own drink, allowing Blaine some time to settle down and collect himself. “What I’m trying to understand, B, is why Kurt came early to class today to ask me for an extra ticket to your concert tomorrow night, only to find out that that ticket was meant for you. So please… what is going on?”

Blaine slumped against the closed refrigerator door and sank down to the floor. “I don’t know.”

“No, no, no, B. I’m not going to let you off the hook about this. I didn’t say anything earlier in the hallway, but we have to talk about this. Kurt is a good kid and I’m not going to let you hurt him or yourself.” Cooper hopped off the counter and sat down on the floor next to his brother. “I just want to help.”

By this point, tears had pooled in Blaine’s eyelids and were ready to drop at the slightest provocation. “We met a couple days ago and then ran into each other again yesterday. I didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know who I was, but, there was this moment,” Blaine started. “And it was all just so easy. So we talked and I walked him home and we started making plans for the week and he said he had to go to some concert on Thursday because his acting teacher was forcing him to.” One by one, the tears started to fall. “He was talking about me, Coop, but he didn’t know and I was too scared to tell him. And then last night,” he hiccoughed, “last night when you asked if he had broken my heart and I said,” there was another stutter, “I said he was putting it back together because he is.” Blaine buried his face in his hands. “I just felt so much. But it was too soon, right? You don’t just know these things after getting coffee with someone.”

Cooper put an arm around his little brother and tried to offer him some comfort. “It’s okay, B.” Blaine shook his head, indicating that it wasn’t. With a frown, Cooper asked, “What happened today? You guys seemed so happy when I ran into you.”

“We are happy. That’s what’s so fucked up about this whole mess,” Blaine’s voice was tinged with a bitterness that Cooper couldn’t place. “After we bumped into you we had a great fucking day. We volunteered at a homeless shelter and had dinner at this awesome Thai restaurant and then we made plans to hang out tomorrow afternoon and after the concert.”

Confused, Cooper said, “I still don’t get it, B.”

“He asked me to go to the concert with him tomorrow night, Coop,” Blaine muttered. “And I said no.”

Cooper thought about the logistics and began thinking out loud. “Well, you can’t go with him since you have to get there early to set up and practice. But, he must have understood that, right?”

Blaine shook his head and closed his eyes, disgusted with himself. “No, Coop. I told him I couldn’t go because I had plans with my brother.”

“But, Blaine -” Cooper started before his brother cut him off.

“- He still doesn’t know who I am, Coop. And now he’s going to hate me.”

The apartment went silent. Cooper looked over at his brother before resting his head against the cupboards he was leaning on. He mulled over his brother’s situation while Blaine picked at the label on his beer bottle.

Cooper broke the silence first. “He’s not going to hate you, B.”

“I’d hate me.” The words fell fast from Blaine’s lips, as if they had been waiting there for a while.

The older Anderson let out a heavy sigh, wishing the younger Anderson weren’t so full of self-loathing. Every since they were little, Blaine was always so hard on himself, always practicing instead of taking the time to have fun, or putting his own wants aside to please others. He got scared easily, especially after getting his hands smashed in. Blaine wasn’t a pushover, but he would often make calculated decisions and opt to sacrifice himself if it meant diffusing a situation before it escalated.

“Do you love him?”

Blaine’s eyebrows shot up at the ease at which Cooper delivered that seemingly simple, but oh so loaded question. “What?”

“Oh, so now you want me to repeat myself?” Cooper couldn’t help but smile a little before he asked again. “Do you love him?”

Searching for the right answer, but coming up short, Blaine pointed out, “Coop, it’s only been two days…”

Cooper shook his head. “I asked a Yes or No question, B, not a time related one.” He turned and looked his little brother in the eye and softly asked again. “Do you love him?”

Blaine’s chest rose and fell as he willed himself not to have a panic attack.

Love.

That was such a small word for such a huge concept.

Blaine had never loved someone; at least not in the romantic sense. He knew what his brother was asking, but even though he knew he had feelings for Kurt, it was still too soon to simply answer Yes or No.

Though he was having trouble finding the right words, Blaine answered as honestly as he was able. “I could love him, Coop… and I would. I would love him forever.”

Cooper accepted this response and decided to push his brother a little farther. “Does he feel the same?”

Being loved was an almost a bizarre concept to Blaine – that there could be someone who cherished and accepted him for, and in spite of, all his faults. But he thought of the way that Kurt smiled when he rambled, or how he was already so quick to hold Blaine’s hand and be so compassionate.

With a small nod, Blaine whispered, “I think so.”

Cooper felt relief as he put a hand on his brother’s knee. “Then he’s not going to hate you. And you definitely shouldn’t hate yourself.”

Blaine sighed, still obviously upset with himself for not telling Kurt the truth about Thursday night. “But Coop, I lied to him.”

“No you didn’t, bro. You never told Kurt you weren’t the almighty Devon Anderson, pianist extraordinaire… you just let him get to know the real you first.” He patted Blaine on the knee. “And while the real you is an idiot at times, he’s also a pretty great guy.” Cooper stood up from the floor and looked down at his brother. “I get that you’re scared, B. But, tell him. He’ll understand.”

Knowing his brother was likely right, Blaine felt a little bit better about the mess he had gotten himself into. He and Kurt were planning on going to coffee the next afternoon. While it was still cutting it close to the beginning of the concert, a several-hour heads up was better than none at all.

Blaine looked up at his brother and gave him a small but grateful smile. “Thanks, Coop.”

“No worries, little man.” Cooper offered a hand down to his brother to help him off the floor. “Look, I don’t have class until the afternoon, so we can both sleep in and then I’ll take you to brunch and give you another pep talk. Sound good?”

Blaine nodded and offered a weak chuckle, “Yeah, okay.”

“Fantastic.” Cooper reached over and pulled his brother in for a hug. “It’s gonna be alright, B.” The younger Anderson’s shoulders slumped as he nodded into his brother’s chest. “It’s gonna be alright.”