He Sings Out a Song Which is Soft but it's Clear
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He Sings Out a Song Which is Soft but it's Clear: Chapter 9 - Misery


T - Words: 3,694 - Last Updated: Jan 20, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 12/12 - Created: Jan 20, 2013 - Updated: Jan 20, 2013
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Author's Notes:

A/N - Thanks for sticking with me! Reviews are welcome :)Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

For some reason, Blaine was feeling extra confident about the Maroon 5 song the Warblers Council handed to him for that week's Regionals test-run. It was current. It was fresh. It was fun. Blaine worked hard on his solo and thought it went over amazingly during rehearsal that morning. Everyone was singing and dancing and having a great time. Everyone but Kurt, it seemed.

 

Blaine finished the final few notes of "Misery" while the other Warblers clapped him on the back and cheered. Even Landrick was feeling it, shouting "Hey Regionals, I think you just met our opening number!" and High-5ing Blaine.

 

Kurt picked up Pavarotti's cage and slowly walked toward his boyfriend and best friend, a discontent look on his face.

 

"So, what did you think of the song?" Blaine asked, looking to Kurt for positive feedback.

 

"Can I be really honest with you? Because it comes from a place of caring, but… been there done that," Kurt replied. "Look, you're amazing Blaine. Your solos are breathtaking." Blaine felt a hate coming on. "They're also numerous."

 

There it was.

 

Landrick couldn't cover his mouth fast enough to muffle the laugh that escaped his lips. This was the first time he ever saw Kurt say something critical or mean about Blaine and it was just too good to be true, even though Landrick thought Blaine actually killed his solo this week.

 

"Kurt, the Council decides who gets the solos," Blaine pointed out.

 

"I know," Kurt said as he turned his back to Blaine and began walking away. "I'm just tired of being your backup singer."

 

Landrick's jaw dropped and he kept looking back and forth between Blaine's stunned face and the back of his boyfriend's head. "Shit, son. You got served, Blanderson." He then ran after the boy with the bird. "Kurt! Wait up, babe!"

 

Blaine was left standing alone in the middle of the hallway, wondering why the person he cared about most was mad at him for something he had no control over.

 

 

Rachel came home from school to find her brother sitting at the kitchen island, staring into space. "Blaine?"

 

"Huh? What?" Blaine snapped out of his reverie and realized he wasn't the only person in the room anymore. "Oh, hey Rach. You scared me."

 

She raised her eyebrows and swung open the fridge to grab herself a V8. "You okay?"

 

"Yeah," he sighed as he raked a hand through his still partially-gelled hair. "Well, no. I mean…" He sighed again. "The Warblers give me too many solos."

 

"Too many solos?" Rachel walked over to her brother and held the back of her free hand up to his forehead. "You don't feel feverish…"

 

Blaine swatted her hand away from his face, "Stop it!" He leaned his cheek down on the island. "It's just that Kurt said that my solos are numerous and he's right. I mean, they give me every solo. The Warblers are basically the Blaine Anderson Show. If I was everyone else, I'd hate me too."

 

Rachel sat down next to her brother and pat him on the shoulder, "No one hates you."

 

"I'm pretty sure Landrick does. And Kurt does too," Blaine pointed out.

 

"Well, that Landrick guy is an idiot. But Kurt does not hate you," Rachel said. "He's probably just mad he's still losing out on solos to a member of the Berry family. But really, other people should just know by now that we cannot be stopped."

 

"Rachel!"

 

"Blaine!," she teased in a matching tone that got her brother chuckling. "So, Kurt's still going out with Landrick?" Blaine sat up and rubbed his hands over his face as he nodded. "That's too bad. Kurt is too nice of a person to be going out with a creep like that."

 

"I know," Blaine said quietly.

 

Rachel hesitated for a moment, but asked the question that's been on her mind for awhile. "You still really like him, don't you?"

 

Blaine nodded slowly, "I just want to see him happy, Rachel."

 

"I know little brother," she said with a slight frown. "I know."

 

 

The next day, Kurt was late to Warblers practice. When he finally did show up, he was dressed all in black and obviously had been crying before he got there. Blaine feared the worst, thinking Kurt's father had another heart attack or something. It turned out Pavarotti died that morning; Kurt thought it was a stroke. Though he was just a bird, Kurt took his death rather hard and requested to sing a song in his honor at practice. Blaine was more than happy to get the attention off of himself for a change and he sat among the other Warblers while Kurt sang for the now deceased bird.

 

Kurt sang "Blackbird" and wept for his lost friend. Blaine watched Kurt walk about the room emoting, and it took massive amounts of energy to keep himself in his seat instead of rushing over to embrace Kurt. With each phrase Kurt sang, Blaine's heart swelled in agony, yearning to be the arms where his best friend would eventually seek comfort. He snuck a look over at Landrick during Kurt's tribute and was disgusted to find the senior playing Temple Run on his cell phone.

 

Blaine liked Kurt, but it was more than just the admission he made to his sister the night before. He didn't want to just see Kurt happy, he wanted it to be his job to make sure Kurt was happy. Blaine was no longer just content to be the best friend. He wanted to be Kurt's everything because Kurt was everything to him.

 

 

Before Warblers practice the following day, Blaine approached the Council with an idea. He convinced them that him having two solos at Regionals was a predictable move and put them at risk for losing against the New Directions. As a solution, he suggested that the first song they do be a duet that showcased another talented member of their ensemble.

 

"And whom, Warbler Blaine, do you suggest accompany you on this duet?" Wes asked.

 

Blaine cleared his throat, "Kurt Hummel. His performance of 'Blackbird' this week proves he has the emotional capacity to get through to an audience and win over the judges. I think Kurt is our best chance at winning at Regionals."

 

Wes, David and Thad looked at each other and conversed silently through meaningful eye contact.

 

"It's been decided," Wes said. "Warbler Kurt is an acceptable duet partner. This change to our Regionals set list will be announced at the start of rehearsal. We trust you to select your duet song by the end of the day today so we can begin harmonies and blocking tomorrow."

 

Blaine nodded and then bowed at the Council.

 

As the Warblers began filing into the rehearsal room, Blaine took a seat toward the back so he could sit quietly and observe the others while he thought about what song he and Kurt would sing. He had the perfect song in mind, the lyrics practically screaming what he had been feeling in his heart the whole night before while he tried (and failed) to sleep. The duet was just an excuse to spend more time with Kurt, but the Council and other Warblers didn't need to know that.

 

The Warblers put up less of a stink than Blaine thought when the Council announced the change in their Regionals plans. He asked that they didn't mention it was his idea; hoping the other boys would see this solo-turned-duet as something being taken away from Blaine (as opposed to what it really was; a selfish gift).

 

 

That afternoon, Blaine went into the study lounge for some coffee and ended up walking in on Kurt bedazzling something. Arts and crafts supplies were spread out all over a table and Kurt was concentrating deeply on gluing a sequin.

 

"Hey, what's that?" Blaine asked as he approached Kurt, eyeing the box on the table in front of him.

 

Kurt looked up and smiled, seeing it was Blaine. "Oh, hey. I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket. Landrick said it was a waste of time, but Pav meant a lot to me and I think he deserves to have a proper burial."

 

Half of a sad smile spread across Blaine's face. Kurt was so good and Landrick just wasn't. If there ever was an opening to share his feelings, this was it. "Well, when you're done, let me know so we can start practicing our duet for Regionals. Okay?" Blaine turned to leave, chickening out all of a sudden.

 

"Oh, what song did you pick?" Kurt asked, pulling out the chair next to him so Blaine would sit down.

 

"Um, 'Candles' by Hey Monday." Blaine reluctantly slid down into the seat. "Do you know it?"

 

Kurt nodded his head as he picked up another sequin to glue, "Wow. That's a really emotional song," he commented casually. "Why'd you pick that one?"

 

Being handed his second opening in just as many minutes, Blaine swallowed his nerves and knew he had to go for it. "Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, 'Oh there you are. I've been looking for you forever.'" At Blaine's words, Kurt stopped gluing and looked up at his friend who looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

"Are you okay, Blaine?" Kurt asked, concerned with where his friend's monologue was going.

 

Blaine shook his head but pressed on. "Watching you do 'Blackbird' this week was a moment for me, about you." He took a deep breath before bringing a hand up onto the table to rest on top of Kurt's. "Kurt, I had a crush on you in middle school. It was long before we became friends, long before I knew the real you. I had put you up on this pedestal and just idolized you. But this year, I got to know you and we became friends. Best friends. Except that crush is still there. Only it's not just a crush anymore; it's feelings. Real feelings." Kurt's eyes widened at Blaine's admission. "I hate that you're with Landrick. And it's not because I'm jealous, or not only because I'm jealous… but he doesn't treat you how you deserve to be treated." Blaine's heart was racing, but he kept going. "You deserve to be happy, Kurt. So happy. And loved. And adored. Because you are such a good person." Blaine chuckled, "I'm sitting here rambling and you're making something beautiful for a bird who probably didn't realize how lucky he was to spend the last few months of his life in your care." Blaine looked at Kurt through tears in his eyes. "You move me Kurt. And this duet is just an excuse to spend more time with you."

 

Kurt's eyes glassed up as well and the corners of his mouth started to twitch. That was a lot of new information his best friend just sprung on him and he wasn't quite sure how to take it all in. It appeared Blaine had feelings for him, which made his insides tingle because he had feelings for Blaine too.

 

Both their breathing speeds increased as Kurt watched Blaine slowly ease himself out of his seat and lean forward.

 

Kurt had time to stop the kiss before it started, but he let it happen. Blaine tilted his head and pressed his lips on Kurt's with a gentle pressure. Kurt's eyes snapped shut as he brought a hand up to cup Blaine's cheek to guide him through the kiss. Though chaste, the overwhelming feeling of warmth and elation rocked the boys to their cores.

 

Their lips moved together for a few bliss-filled seconds before Kurt abruptly pulled away. His hand dropped from Blaine's face and dragged down the front of his chest before hitting the table with an unceremonious thud.

 

Blaine sank back into his chair, heart and mind racing with the potential outcomes of what just happened. That was his first kiss. He just kissed his Kurt. Kurt just kissed him back. Kurt who already had a boyfriend.

 

"Blaine, I want to but I – I can't," Kurt whispered sadly. "Maybe we should just practice our song, okay?" A shaky nod was the most Blaine could offer without throwing up on the spot. "I'm so sorry, Blaine." Kurt's voice was laced with regret, though he was confused whether it was more because he kissed Blaine back knowing full well he shouldn't have, or because he wanted to keep kissing Blaine.

 

"It's okay," Blaine lied as he stumbled up and out of his chair. "We can practice tomorrow, yeah? I just have to – I have to… " he motioned toward the door as if that were a valid gesture in the moment. Kurt nodded in understanding even though he was equally clueless about what Blaine was referring to. Blaine gave him a sad smile as he headed for the door. "Um, we can just pretend this didn't happen, okay? Okay." Blaine nodded to himself as he took a determined step away from Kurt.

 

"Blaine?" Kurt called out with a broken voice, stopping the other boy dead in his tracks, though he didn't turn around. "You're still my best friend, Blaine. This doesn't change that. Nothing could change that."

 

Tears streamed down Blaine's cheeks as he nodded where he stood. He couldn't bring himself to look back at Kurt as he bolted out the door and toward his hidden bathroom.

 

 

When Rachel was on the way to bed that night, she thought she heard crying. "Blaine?" she asked as she knocked on his door. "I'm coming in, so you better have pants on."

 

Upon opening the door to her brother's room, Rachel's heart sank. Her little brother was leaning against his headboard surrounded by mountains of used Kleenex. His eyes were as red as his nose and he looked like he had been through the emotional wringer and back.

 

Rachel crossed over to Blaine's bed and cleared a spot next to her brother so she could sit down. After settling herself against the headboard, she leaned her head against Blaine's shoulder and wrapped an arm around his torso. "I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

 

They sat in silence for several minutes before Blaine finally spoke up. His voice was quiet and sad, "I told Kurt how I felt about him today." Rachel nodded her head, keeping her word to listen. "I kissed him and he - he kissed me back." Rachel's breath hitched as she felt Blaine tense up underneath her arm. "And then he told me he wanted to, but he couldn't and he was sorry." More tears fell from Blaine's eyes and dropped onto his sister's arm below. "I was dumb to think things would be different after I told him. Why can't I learn that I don't get to be happy?"

 

Rachel hugged her brother and cried silent tears along with him. "That's not true, Blaine. You'll get to be happy. I promise you, you will get to be happy. Okay?"

 

 

Backstage at Regionals, Blaine found a quiet corner to be by himself before the Warblers were supposed to be out on stage. His week had only gotten worse, having to spend one-on-one time with Kurt to rehearse. Blaine wanted to kick himself for ever thinking singing a duet with Kurt was a good idea. Though their voices sounded amazing together and Blaine was glad Kurt was getting the opportunity to shine in front of a competition crowd, Blaine couldn't wait for the performance was over so he wouldn't have to constantly be reminded of how his heart was broken and Kurt was still with Landrick.

 

From his corner, Blaine could see Kurt pacing, his face fraught with nerves. Even though he himself felt miserable, a large part of Blaine wanted to cross over to Kurt and comfort him; tell him there was no need to be nervous and that he was going to do amazing. But Blaine stayed in the shadows, selfishly wallowing in his own misery and replaying their kiss in his mind over and over again. It started out so hopeful, but then Kurt pulled away. It didn't get any less humiliating any time Blaine thought about it.

 

Landrick showed up and wrapped his boyfriend into a bear hug. "I think it's so adorable that you're so nervous about this. You're going to kill it, Kurt. Obviously."

 

Blaine wasn't trying to listen in, nor did he particularly want to watch Landrick drape himself all over Kurt, but he couldn't help it. His feelings for Kurt weren't just going to magically go away so soon, even though Blaine prayed for it every night since their kiss.

 

Places were called and Blaine assumed his role as Warblers front man. The charade was exhausting, but Blaine was a consummate performer and no one except for Kurt had any idea that he had been on the verge of breaking down the whole week.

 

Their duet went off without a hitch. Though the lyrics hit dangerously too close to home for both boys, they were able to use their emotions to show the audience and judges a side of the Warblers that no one had ever seen before.

 

However, if one would have asked Kurt or Blaine if there were other people in the room while they were singing, their answer would have been "No." Blaine sang that song to Kurt and Kurt sang that song to Blaine and in those few minutes, there wasn't anyone else around. From her seat in the audience, Rachel could tell something was up. She had never seen her brother get lost like that in a performance, nor had she ever seen Kurt look at somebody else with that much vulnerability. Both boys left everything they had up on that stage because that was their only chance to express themselves in their mess of a situation. It wasn't until the applause kicked in that Blaine and Kurt realized they had just sung their feelings in front of a crowd. Embarrassed, they quickly took their bows and scrambled to their positions for the Warblers second song.

 

Blaine soloed on Pink's "Raise Your Glass," which turned out to be a huge crowd-pleaser. Everyone was up on their feet singing and dancing along; the jovial up-tempo number was about as opposite as one could get from the passionate duet of the prior song.

 

Once the Warblers set was over, they gathered in a large group hug before exiting the stage. Blaine and Kurt were shoved to the center of the affection and though they made a conscious effort not to touch each other, their eyes locked in a meaningful glance. Something was still there.

 

The New Directions then proceeded to shock everyone with their original songs. Not even Blaine was aware that his sister and her show choir were going that route. Though the songs were riddled with clichés, he was impressed that Rachel and her friends put those numbers together in such a short amount of time.

 

It almost was a relief for Blaine when it was announced that the New Directions, and not the Warblers, were the Regionals champions. It meant there would be a quiet bus ride back to Dalton. It meant he wouldn't have to prepare anything for Nationals. It meant he wouldn't have to listen to his sister complain about not going to Nationals since her choir actually won. Yes, Blaine would have loved to be part of a Nationally-ranked show choir, but he still had two years of high school to go. He would get his chance; he was just grateful he didn't have to deal with it right now.

 

Once the Warblers got back to school, Blaine grabbed his things and made a beeline toward his car. He shouted condolences to his friends as he hopped in his car and sped away.

 

Kurt and Landrick had made dinner reservations which were now going to be used to eat their feelings instead of celebrate a Warblers win. Before they left the school, Kurt asked his boyfriend if he wouldn't mind accompanying him while he finally buried Pavarotti.

 

Dalton's back courtyard had a beautiful tree that Kurt felt was the perfect final resting place for his bird. Kurt said a few words and with a shovel, piled cold, wet dirt on top of the beautifully bedazzled casket he designed earlier in the week. As Kurt stood up to survey his handiwork, he noticed Landrick staring off into space.

 

"Whatcha staring at, Landrick?"

 

"Oh! Nothing. You done yet?" the older boy asked, looking at his watch. "We need to get going if we're going to make our reservations." He held out his hand for Kurt to take and wiggled his fingers.

 

Kurt gave Landrick a half smile before linking their fingers together. He was mostly sad about the Warblers loss, but there was a part of him that felt something was off about walking hand-in-hand with his boyfriend. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he wished he were holding hands with Blaine. That kiss happened and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it the whole week. And then that song… they shouldn't have sung that song. He knew they shouldn't have sung that song, but at the same time it just felt right. Kurt's emotions were having a wrestling match among themselves. Blaine was his best friend, though he knew there could definitely be more to their relationship, if they just gave it a chance. But, Kurt was with Landrick, and Kurt liked Landrick. However, Landrick just wasn't Blaine.


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