Everything shines, but leaves me empty still

When Blaine wakes the next morning, it's to the smell of someone cooking what seems like all his favorite breakfast foods. It takes him a moment to remember where he is, and then; Kurt – eighteen-year-old Kurt. At the thought a moment of dizziness washes over him, not helped by the sudden headrush as he sits up a little too quickly. Blaine sits for a moment, bracing himself for the day ahead, and he prays that it might somehow end with him back in his own bed. He eyes his clothes from yesterday, lying neatly folded (Kurt's doing) in an armchair, but decides against putting them on. They are used, dirty, a little small and slightly bloody. Not to mention it felt oddly creepy last night, wearing his own younger self's clothes. Wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt from Kurt's closet also makes him feel a little weird, but less so than his own clothes for some reason--

And he should probably stop obsessing about clothes so much.

Shaking his head at himself a little, Blaine gets up and pads into the kitchen, careful not to put too much weight on his left foot.

Kurt is pottering around in there, doing, it seems, a thousand things at once, and humming a merry Broadway tune, which Blaine would try to remember the name of, except the sight of Kurt sort of distracts him. He looks so... alive is the word his mind settles on.

'Morning,' Kurt calls cheerily above the sputtering from the frying pan, when he spots Blaine.

'Kurt, are you cooking breakfast?' Blaine asks – which is of course a dumb question, but it's the only thing he can think of to say.

'Mmhm,' Kurt replies simply without taking his eyes off his work. 'Sit down. It's almost done.'

'But you never make breakfast.' Blaine is still hovering in the doorway. 'I mean, not like this.' This seems a little elaborate, even for Kurt.

'I felt inspired,' Kurt shrugs.

Blaine sits down, still a little puzzled. From his place at the table, he observes quietly as Kurt finishes up, still humming and brimming with barely contained energy. There is an excitement about him that Blaine didn't see yesterday, except when Kurt asked about their future – and oh, suddenly Blaine gets what Kurt is doing. He watches Kurt work at the stove, and he wants to just give in to the fantasy; he wants to get up from where he's sitting, wants to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist and kiss the back of his neck until Kurt lets him taste whatever it is he's stirring there. But there are about a hundred reasons why Blaine can't do that.

So he doesn't.

Luckily Blaine is saved from having to reign himself in for long, because Kurt soon finishes and then breakfast is served. Or maybe that should be “breakfasts” because apparently Kurt has made everything; from scrambled eggs to waffles to regular toast. Blaine raises an eyebrow as Kurt sits down opposite him.

'Uhm, yeah,' Kurt grins sheepishly. 'I couldn't decide what to make, and I, um, may have gotten a little carried away.'

Blaine bites his lip for a second, before saying, 'Kurt, we're not married.'

Kurt hesitates, and it's clear to Blaine that this isn't the reaction Kurt was hoping for.

'I know. But we will be some day,' Kurt replies softly, before he reaches across the table to grab Blaine's hand gently, and Blaine forgets to shy away from the gesture. 'And now you're here like this, and it just makes me think about it. I know it's silly and kind of cheating, but is it so wrong for me to want to pretend for a while that we're already there?'

'We should be figuring out a way to get me home,' Blaine says, pulling his hand away. 'Not role playing.'

He says it a little harsher than he intends to, and Blaine can see the hurt flash across Kurt's eyes. However, it's over quickly, as Kurt counters, undaunted and voice unwavering, 'Of course, I'm not arguing against that, but I have no idea where to even start. And unless you do, I think we're better off waiting for Finn to wake up. I'm pretty sure he's watched more science-fiction movies than the two of us put together. Until then,' Kurt's voice softens again until it's almost pleading, and he looks Blaine in the eye. 'Please just let me have this?'

Blaine, still unconvinced, lets a moment pass, but then Kurt adds another 'Please?' and with a flutter of Kurt's eyelashes the last of Blaine's willpower crumbles.

*

It's a little awkward at first and Blaine isn't really sure what Kurt actually expects from him, but before long they settle into a dynamic that feels startlingly easy and normal, everything considered. They eat breakfast together, Blaine marvelling out loud at Kurt's cooking skills and Kurt filling Blaine in on exactly when in 2012 he has landed (March 24th, a little over a month after Regionals and Finn and Rachel's non-wedding). It's strange, though not entirely uncomfortable, reminiscing with Kurt about events that, to Blaine, are fifteen years in the past, but have only just happened to Kurt. Blaine even forgets to be annoyed when Kurt keeps trying to coax information out of him by asking question after question but disguising them as casual remarks.

When they have both finished stuffing themselves silly, Blaine does the dishes, while Kurt packs away the (many, many) leftovers.

'I don't mean to blow my own horn here,' Kurt says, mouth full of something. 'but these waffles are to die for. Did you even have any?' Kurt feigns hurt.

'I'm sorry, baby,' Blaine replies from the sink, voice full of mock sadness. 'I was a little busy tasting the other ninety-nine things you made. But I'm sure they're amazing.'

'Mm, they are,' Kurt says around another bite, packing forgotten for the moment. His voice is low, emitting the most loud, exaggerated moans of pleasure, sounding positively obscene, and it's doing things to Blaine. Very, very wrong things. When Kurt has swallowed he prepares another bite, before asking Blaine, voice light and innocently teasing. 'You want?'

Blaine forces his voice to sound airy and unaffected, when he replies. 'I would, but – you know.' He holds up his wet, soapy hands.

'Oh my, what a pickle,' Kurt says in a dramatic voice, but then he walks over to Blaine and holds up a small piece of waffle. 'Open up.'

And before his brain has a chance to catch up with the situation, Blaine opens his mouth and allows Kurt to feed him, his tongue accidentally brushing over Kurt's fingers.

'Well?' Kurt asks.

'Divine,' Blaine replies with a smirk, but the short silence that follows allows his brain to catch up, and he is suddenly all too aware of how close he and Kurt are standing – close enough that Blaine can feel Kurt's breath on his nose. And his own breathing has shallowed, he notes. This was not part of the plan. He meant to keep a distance, dammit. Way to go, Anderson. 'I should, uh-- dishes.' Smooth. Very smooth. Who's the teenager, again?

A little while later Kurt is sitting on the living room couch with Blaine. Well, with might be an exaggeration, Kurt thinks, as while, yes, they are both on the couch, they are also on opposite ends, four feet of silence between them. Blaine is pressed almost ridiculously close against the armrest, and he is watching the reality show on TV with an interest that Kurt doesn't really understand (it's not like it's Project Runway or something). It isn't that Kurt wants to cuddle (though he does), but it's a little confusing to say the least, as Blaine seemed a lot more comfortable during breakfast. Not to mention afterward when they had almost--

He's freaked out about almost kissing me.

Why should he be though? It wouldn't be cheating, not really. And sure, the age difference is a bit weird, but Kurt is eighteen, and it's them. Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt. Surely the two of them could never be anything but right.

Kurt realizes that he has been staring blankly at the screen for several minutes, not taking in a single thing. He steals a glance at Blaine, who still seems to be watching avidly. When he senses Kurt looking, however, he turns his head and asks with a small smile, 'What?'

Kurt just has time to register that at least Blaine is at ease enough to be smiling at him, but then he loses every train of thought, because hello, Blaine's smile, how did it get even cuter? and now he can't remember if he actually meant to say anything.

'Nothing. I was just-- I mean, you-- Nothing. Never mind.' Kurt feels heat rise in his cheeks.

'Okay,' Blaine says slowly, eyes laughing and the corners of his mouth twitching, but turning his attention back to the TV.

Kurt closes his eyes and lets out a small sigh of frustration. It isn't fair that he can't just lean (okay crawl at this distance) over and kiss Blaine. But apparently when your boyfriend switches places with an older version of himself, there are boundaries. Who knew? If only Blaine hadn't aged so damned well. Seriously, time has been nothing but kind to Blaine, and how is that even possible? Blaine is perfection now.

Kurt tries to concentrate on what's going on in the show, but it's a fruitless attempt, as he just can't find it in himself to care. Stupid, handsome Blaine, possessing his thoughts. Two women are shouting at each other, and for a while Kurt tries to keep up and figure out what the problem is, but he's restless and his heart isn't in it. Without really thinking about it, he switches the channel, hoping to find a more enticing program.

'Hey, I was watching that!' Blaine exclaims, sounding scandalized.

'Were you now?' Kurt asks mischievously.

'Yes, I happen to not have seen this show in fifteen years.' Blaine's tone is serious, but there is an edge of humor to it, too. 'Now, give me that.'

As Blaine reaches for the remote, Kurt snatches it away with a smirk. For all Kurt's confusion and frustration about the situation, Blaine is still so easy to joke around with.

'Ooh, so it gets cancelled soon?' Kurt asks.

'I didn't say that,' Blaine says quickly, before straightening up from his futile quest for the remote.

'Well, not in so many words,' Kurt concedes, as he notices that Blaine is sitting a little closer now. 'But your meaning was pretty clear.'

'Not in any words, Kurt.' Blaine is inching closer, half an eye on the remote, which Kurt is clutching in his hand, resting in his lap. Kurt sees him loud and clear; Blaine never was very subtle. 'Stop reading into it.'

'Stop being evasive,' Kurt shoots back easily.

'Stop asking so many questions,' comes Blaine's prompt answer, as he makes another, half-hearted reach for the remote, which Kurt brushes away easily.

'Hey, I haven't asked any inappropriate questions since last night,' Kurt retorts indignantly.

'Well, not in so many words, but your meaning's been pretty clear,' Blaine replies smugly.

Blaine's remark catches Kurt a little off guard, and Blaine takes this opportunity make another dive for the remote. Kurt – fully committed to this little game of war – defends his precious remote, and somehow he ends up on his back, his arm thrown back across the armrest. He giggles at the frown on Blaine's face, but then Blaine lunges again, and this time he ends up on top of Kurt, stretching across him and reaching for the remote in Kurt's hand.

'You're still so short,' Kurt giggles again.

'Shut up.' Blaine lets out a breathy laugh, before he reaches again, at the same time as Kurt, deciding that he should probably try and throw Blaine off, bucks his hips. Oh. Kurt lets out an involuntary moan, and his eyes snap to Blaine's, who has stilled.

'I'm sorry,' Kurt says. 'I didn't mean--'

But then Blaine's lips are on his, and Kurt swallows the rest of his sentence. The kiss is tentative at first, but when Kurt responds, it soon becomes hungrier, and Kurt feels Blaine's tongue, begging for entrance. It doesn't take long for him to comply, and then they're kissing deep and desperate, a mix of new and familiar. Kurt feels Blaine's heavy weight on him, covering him like a blanket, and somewhere along the way Kurt must have dropped the remote, because then one hand is cupping Blaine's face, while he tangles his fingers in Blaine's hair (mm, no gel), pulling him closer, with the other. Blaine is moving against him, and Kurt bucks his hips again, desperate to be closer, closer, closer. Blaine groans audibly at the contact, but then all of a sudden he breaks the kiss and scrambles off Kurt.

'Crap. Oh, god. Shit, shit. That shouldn't have happened. Shit.' Blaine is back on his feet, pacing and injury apparently forgotten. Kurt doesn't think he has heard Blaine swear that many times in his life, let alone in the space of five seconds. 'Kurt, I'm so sorry.'

'Well, I'm not.' Kurt sits back up with a grin in his face, but he removes it when Blaine just looks at him blankly. 'What's the big deal?'

'This is just all wrong. We shouldn't be doing this.'

'Why though?' Kurt implores sincerely, now getting to his feet, too. 'It's not like we're cheating, is it?'

'Except it is, Kurt. Don't you see how fucked up this is?'

'No,' Kurt says firmly, taking a step closer. 'I just see you. And besides, what do you think old me and young you are doing right now?'

'Not this,' Blaine says with a shaky, humorless laugh.

'I still don't--'

'Kurt, can we please just drop it?' Blaine cuts in, voice raised and Kurt recoils slightly. 'Sorry, it's not you. I just-- this can't happen again, okay? And it doesn't matter, anyway. I won't be here for long, and you'll have your boyfriend back soon enough. Then you – we – can kiss all you want. Just-- no more games.'

'I-- okay,' Kurt says, even though he still doesn't really understand.

Silence falls between them again, the only sound coming from the tv where a colorful commercial is currently playing, complete with an annoyingly cheerful jingle. Kurt doesn't know whether to feel awkward or amused at that, but the corners of Blaine's mouth are quirking in a tentative smile, as he asks if he can take a shower. 'I'm kind of gross,' he says.

'Gross? Never,' Kurt winks at him without thinking. He catches his tone and continues in a more neutral one. 'Of course, go ahead. I'll lend you some clean clothes, if you want?'

'That's okay,' Blaine says as he heads into the hall. 'I'm thirty-two and you were always skinnier than me, anyway. I wouldn't want to ruin your clothes. I'll ask Finn.' Kurt's distaste must show in his face, because Blaine laughs then. 'Don't worry. I should probably keep a low profile while I'm here, so it's not like I'll be out in public in Finn's clothes.'

'What are you saying about my clothes?' Finn's bleary voice asks from the top of the staircase.

'Nothing, Finn,' Blaine says, climbing the stairs and smiling fondly at Finn. 'Your clothes are lovely,' he says as they meet in the middle. 'Okay if I borrow some?'

Finn, definitely not a morning person (and it's at least eleven, Kurt notes with an internal roll of his eyes), just nods his okay while he stifles a yawn. Blaine disappears upstairs, and Kurt is left with an uneasy feeling as he follows Finn into the kitchen and helps him dig out this morning's leftovers. Most of the time he has been here, Blaine has been acting perfectly normal and friendly, if a little distanced. However, over the course of Kurt's relationship with him, romantic and friendly, Kurt has learned a lot of things about Blaine; most importantly that Blaine has a lot of masks.

Perfect son.

Perfect student.

Confident gay teenager.

The perfect performer.

Not a lot of people get to see what's going on beneath all that. Kurt does, and Blaine lets him. The point is, Kurt thinks as he watches Finn, who is happily tucking into his breakfast, that Blaine is good at pretending, and if Kurt didn't know that, he might not have thought a lot of it, when Blaine was so beyond freaked upon first seeing Kurt, and when he reacted so violently to their kiss. Kurt knows that it doesn't have to mean anything at all. That of course being faced with a young version of his boyfriend would freak Blaine out, just like Kurt was freaked out at seeing an older version of his. That despite Kurt's own feelings on the matter, Blaine is perfectly within his right to not want to get too physical with his teenaged boyfriend. But still, Kurt – though he doesn't know what – can't shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong here.

Blaine takes his time showering, enjoying the time to himself. He supposes he should be grateful to be back here. It's a chance most people would kill for, isn't it? Reliving their youth, savoring the simplicity of a time before you had to grow up and face the realities of adulthood. And Blaine does savor it, he does. But for him to truly lose himself here, the way he almost did, and the way Kurt obviously wants him to... tempting as it is, there are so many reasons why he can't.

Shouldn't.

Won't.

When Blaine has finished showering and dressed in some of Finn's old clothes, he goes back downstairs, figuring that Finn will be awake enough now that they can start to put together a plan. He finds Kurt and Finn in the kitchen, Finn finishing up breakfast and Kurt clutching a cup of tea, and Blaine's stomach does a little swoop at the surreality of the situation. He sits down next to Finn.

'So I guess we should-- discuss things?' Blaine says. 'Any ideas?'

After a brief moment Finn says carefully, 'I think if we're going to have any chance at switching you back, we first need to figure out how it happened in the first place. Why now.'

At Finn's words something in Blaine stirs.

'Fifteen years exactly,' he says, looking at Kurt, who tilts his head in a question. 'You said today is March twenty-fourth, right?' Kurt nods. 'That makes yesterday the twenty-third, which was also the date when I left 2027. And I think,' Blaine scrunches up his face, thinking back to yesterday before all this happened. 'I think it was about the same time of day as well. That has to mean something, right?'

'Yeah, yeah,' Finn agrees excitedly. 'It was weak point in time and space.' Blaine looks across the table, and he's sure that Kurt has to almost physically restrain himself from making a snarky comment. 'But I'm not sure that would be enough. What were you doing at the time?'

Kurt, obviously still so curious, perks up in interest. Blaine deliberates his answer for a moment, wary of saying too much.

'I was in Lima, actually. Visiting my parents.'

'Ooh, did I come with you?' Kurt asks.

'No.'

'Why not?'

'Kurt,' Blaine says sharply. 'Don't.'

Finn gives Kurt a look that might have been reprimanding, before he addresses Blaine. 'So this means both yous were in pretty much the same place, almost exactly fifteen years apart. What else?'

Before Blaine can answer, music sounds from the living room. Kurt looks confused for a second, but then comprehension dawns on his face. He goes to the living room and comes back a second later with Blaine's phone. 'Your phone. It's...'

In your name and it's an honor, it's a shame but it's your honor

Blaine looks at the phone in Kurt's outstretched hand for a second. Then, 'My dad.' He takes the phone, equal parts excited and terrified. 'Hello?'

'Hello, Blaine. It's your dad.' Blaine resists the urge to tell him that not only does Blaine have his father's number programmed into his phone like every other normal teenager, but it also comes with its very own ringtone. 'How are you?'

'What? Why?' Blaine asks before he can stop himself, knowing it's a little rude, but the question throwing him completely.

'We just wanted to make sure you're doing okay, while your mother and I are away for the week,' Blaine's father tells him, an odd contrast between his words and his semi-formal tone.

'You're at Cooper's?' he says, his words a question and a statement at the same time.

'Yes, Blaine. You know this.'

'Yes, of course.' Well, that makes more sense, then. Blaine always got along better with his brother than with anyone else in the family, and Cooper is the only one who was never once awkward about Blaine's sexuality. He's the perfect son in all the ways Blaine isn't, but he was always good about making sure their parents didn't forget their youngest. Blaine imagines that Cooper probably guilt-tripped their father into checking up on Blaine, because it's obvious that the man doesn't actually have anything to say.

'So is everything alright at home?'

'Yes.' For one fleeting moment, Blaine considers telling his father what's going on, but the next he almost laughs at himself. What good would that do? 'I'm with Kurt,' he says, more in order to say something than because he thinks his father needs to know this.

'I see.' His father's voice tenses, the way it always does when he's uncomfortable. 'Good. That's good. Well, I should go. I just wanted to check in.'

'Yeah, thanks.'

'Your mom and Cooper say hi.'

'Thanks.' Then, remembering his manners, he adds, 'Tell them hi from me, too.'

'Sure. Bye, son.'

'Bye, dad,' Blaine says, but by the time the words are out, his father has already hung up.

Silence has fallen in the kitchen, the other two just looking at him, not saying anything, and Blaine knows they feel sorry for him. 'Where was I?' he says, intending to pick up the conversation from before as though they hadn't all just witnessed an awkward phone call. 'Right. My parents.' He rolls his eyes a little, because apparently it won't be that easy for him to change the topic.

'I was visiting them, which is hardly my favorite activity at the best of times, and this...was not. Coop was there as well, and--' Blaine pauses, struggling to remember what went wrong – he and Cooper never fought – and to phrase it in a way that gets the point across, without revealing anything he shouldn't. 'Things just turned-- I dunno... There was a fight, and I left rather quickly.'

'You crashed your car,' Kurt guesses.

Blaine just nods.

'We fought, too,' Kurt says in a hollow voice, eyes fixed on Finn's empty plate. 'I started it. And you stormed out,' he says, turning to Blaine. 'I'm sorry. I never should have let you drive off like that. And after Quinn--'

'Hey, it's not your fault,' Blaine says, as he reaches to touch Kurt's hand, softly caressing. 'It's funny, I don't actually remember that fight. But I'm sure I played a part as well. Two to tango and all that.'

'Wait, you don't remember it?' Kurt frowns. 'How can that be?'

'I don't know. Side effect?' Blaine shrugs. 'I haven't really done this before, you know.'

'So what do you remember?' Kurt asks.

'Specifically? Not a lot, to be honest. It's all a bit blurred.' When Kurt looks alarmed, Blaine hastens to add. 'But it was fifteen years ago. Or it will be. You know what I mean. It would be more weird if I did remember a lot of details. I remember the big stuff. Regionals last month and all the crazy surrounding it. Our anniversary.' He smiles softly at Kurt and gives him a look that he hopes says that he remembers that night clearly, even if he can't say it with Kurt's brother in the room. Kurt seems reassured at this.

'But you don't remember being away? Or coming back?'

Blaine shakes his head. He searches his mind for something – anything – surrounding this whole mess. He thinks that he vaguely remembers a car crash when he was seventeen, but beyond that he's drawing a blank. He tries to think ahead to the time immediately after all this, when he would have returned, but it's like watching an out-of-focus film.

'I guess I blacked it out? Do you think--'

'Uhm, guys?' Finn says cautiously. 'This isn't really helping. Could we maybe get back on track?' Kurt looks at Finn as though he had forgotten he was there, and Blaine stops talking and motions with his hand for Finn to continue, looking at him expectantly. 'Right. So I think what we need to do is basically recreate the events that brought you here.'

'Are you suggesting that I get in another car crash?' Blaine asks uncertainly. That sounds like a really bad idea.

'No, not happening,' Kurt says firmly. 'Too dangerous.'

'Okay, so maybe not another car crash exactly. Maybe it's an adrenaline thing?' Finn offers, clearly not content to let the idea go entirely. 'Like, you could bungee jump or something.'

Blaine has the sudden image of himself preparing to do a bungee jump. First he snorts, because bungee jumping? So far from anything he would ever do – he's a teacher for god's sake, and not even a cool one. Next he shivers, because heights.

'Even if that is what it takes,' he argues. 'Wouldn't the me in 2027 need to be doing it also? And all timed and everything?'

Kurt, who was looking hopeful for a moment, opens his mouth as though to speak, but closes it again, when no answer comes to him. How the hell are they going to pull that off? Finn frowns, looking thoughtful.

'Couldn't we just, like, ask someone to pass along a message?' Finn suggests, like the answer is simpler than everyone thinks.

'Pass along a message to 2027?' Kurt says, skepticism evident.

'Well, yeah. It's in the future, right? It can't be that difficult. We just need someone who isn't one of us – who isn't involved – to deliver a message at the right time, telling you what to do.'

He addresses the last part to Blaine, who ponders this for a moment. 'Would that work?' He looks at Kurt for his opinion.

'It's worth a shot, I guess.' He shrugs. Then after a moment, 'God, this is just so weird, discussing this for real.'

Blaine chuckles. 'Tell me about it.'

The three of them set to work, discussing their options. Finn really likes the bungee jump idea, but, much to Blaine's relief, Kurt shoots that down, reminding him off all the practicalities of setting that up. Blaine optimistically proposes that it needn't be anything that dramatic, as long as it's unusual enough and both Blaines are doing it at the proper time and in roughly the same place. They are in the middle of discussing what might constitute “unusual” enough, when Finn's phone rings.

'Ugh, it's Rachel.'

'Lovely,' Kurt snarks as Finn accepts the call. 'That better not be how you react when I call you,' he tells Blaine and they share an amused look before resuming their planning, while Finn speaks to Rachel.

'I'm sorry --- yes, I know what time it is --- I just... forgot.' Rachel's voice is shrill on the other end, and Finn makes a face. 'Rachel, I'm sorry. I just got distracted --- no, not like that --- just, you have no idea what happened last night --- it's kind of complicated. Blaine--'

Finn falters, frowning at Kurt who is waving frantically at him, shaking his head. Do not tell her. Blaine silently agrees. The less people who know what's going on, the better. And Rachel isn't exactly known for keeping secrets.

'Finn?' Finn is holding the phone a little away from his ear and they can hear Rachel clearly enough to make out what she's saying. 'What happened? Is Blaine okay?'

Finn just looks confused and at a loss for what to say. Suddenly Kurt holds out his hand to Finn, his eyes bright with inspiration. Finn hands the phone to Kurt hesitantly, as though he thinks Kurt is going to say something that will get him in trouble.

'Hey Rachel,' Kurt says brightly. 'No, he's fine. Listen, I need you to do me a favor.'